As the title suggests I am alone, my confidence had never improved from problems in my youth and I am so tired all the time.

I have tried therapy which has kind of helped. I am considering hypnosis for confidence building.

Regarding women I never seem to have had success.

I recognise I have good things, house, loving father and a weird job.

Any ideas how to build myself up a bit please?

this is the part i have trouble explaining. i've got a job, a place to live, people who care about me, and nothing major falling apart. by most standards i should be fine. but i'm not really happy either. every day feels the same and i can't tell if i'm ungrateful, burned out, or just realizing that the life i built isn't what i wanted. has anyone else gone through this?

It takes morality and determined contemplation to achieve the enduring calmness that, when combined with understanding, leads to a meaningful life.

I’m 37, and by almost any objective measure, I’m a very lucky guy.
I’ve rarely been sick. I have great friends. I’ve had a pretty good run romantically, been loved by women I genuinely cared about, and eventually met someone I thought was an angel. I wasn’t just in love with her. I was in awe of what a wonderful person she was.
After some difficult years trying to conceive, we had a beautiful son whom I absolutely adore.
Professionally, I’ve done very well. I make a lot of money, certainly by most people’s standards. I’m not wealthy in the sense of being financially independent, but I have a level of comfort and security that most people would consider a privilege.
Here’s the strange part.
If you asked me how my average day is, I’d probably say **7/10**. And those days have genuine 10/10 moments, especially playing with my son.
But if you asked me how the past month was, I’d probably say **5/10**.
Because when I look back, I start thinking about everything that’s missing.
I’ve gained weight. I’m not as fit as I used to be. I don’t feel as sexually desirable anymore. I feel like I’ve lost some of my humour, spontaneity and sense of adventure.
My wife and I have struggled with intimacy for years, particularly through our fertility journey and now parenthood. We’ve both changed physically. I miss the excitement and feeling of being wanted.
I look around my house and think it’s not the beautiful home I imagined having. Sometimes even the mess bothers me disproportionately. Why isn’t everything nicer, cleaner, better?
I think about the fact that I didn’t take my son swimming this week or read to him enough.
And I know how absurd some of this sounds given how fortunate I am.
But here’s something else I should admit.
**I never really wanted to be just successful. I wanted to be extraordinary.**
I wanted enormous wealth, admiration, attention, sexual desirability, the whole thing. I wanted to be the big man in the castle.
Not the guy who earns enough to eventually afford a nice house and retire comfortably. I wanted the kind of wealth that fundamentally changes what’s possible in your life.
Maybe that’s vain. Maybe even a little narcissistic. But it’s what I wanted.
And somewhere along the way, I exchanged the possibility of that extraordinary outcome for a very well-paid, relatively secure career.
Which raises uncomfortable questions.
Did I settle? Did I miss my opportunity? Was I simply not good enough?
The strangest thing is that **the happiest I remember being was when I was practically broke, trying to build my own company.**
I sometimes couldn’t afford public transport, so I cycled everywhere.
I was extremely fit, disciplined, ambitious, provocative, funny, sexually confident and full of energy. I could work ridiculous hours, go out at night, wake up early and do it all again.
I’d decided I was going to be a fucking Spartan. And in many ways, I was.
My business wasn’t particularly successful. I was frustrated by that. I had plenty of problems and certainly wasn’t satisfied with my circumstances.
So I’m not pretending those were perfect years.
But I remember one feeling very distinctly.
**I was incredibly proud of the man I was becoming.**
I admired my own discipline, courage, ambition and willingness to fight for what I wanted. Even when things weren’t going my way, I respected how I was conducting myself.
I’ve matured since then, of course. I’ve learned that strength isn’t always about fighting harder. Sometimes it’s knowing when a fight isn’t worth having. Sometimes becoming stronger means accepting your limits rather than trying to overpower everything.
I value that growth.
But I also wonder whether somewhere along the way I lost some of my fire.
I’ve meditated for years. I understand intellectually that everything is impermanent, that comparison can make you miserable, and that there’s no magical destination where you’ll finally be satisfied.
But knowing that doesn’t make the dissatisfaction disappear.
And honestly, I’m not convinced that all my desires are misguided. Maybe I genuinely want to be extraordinarily wealthy, attractive, adventurous and admired. Why should I pretend otherwise?
I suppose the best way to describe it is this:
**I enjoy much of the life I have. But I’m disappointed by the distance between the man I imagined becoming and the man I am today.**
And perhaps the biggest loss isn’t the money, the house or the attention.
It’s that I once looked at myself and felt tremendous pride in who I was becoming.
I’m not sure I feel that anymore.
I don’t miss my old life. I love my wife and son, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
**I miss my old self.**
I’m genuinely interested in hearing from men who’ve experienced something similar, particularly those who were extremely ambitious when younger and later settled into successful but more conventional lives.
Did you eventually make peace with it? Did you rediscover that old fire? Did you realise you’d genuinely compromised too much? Or did your definition of success fundamentally change?
I’m not looking for a lecture about gratitude. I know how lucky I am.
I’m trying to figure out whether this dissatisfaction is something I need to overcome, or something I should actually listen to.

Has anyone ever reached 40 and felt they haven’t lived, and have no future? I am stuck inbetween both and I am dealing with extreme anxiety to the point of getting chronically ill. Has anyone successfully turned it around? I feel like I have nothing going for me and nothing to look forward to, like I’m doomed and destined to fail only. My nervous system is constantly triggering itself to throw up. It’s terrible living like this.

41yo guy. Fantastic life. 2 kids I adore, amazing wife, great career, physically great, I work hard to achieve this life, but I'm operating with what feels like a blurry film in front of my eyes almost 24/7. I exercise, I'm on SSRIs, have been for 8 years, and they have been an absolute game changer. But for the last 6 months or so I just am not myself. I mean I always fluctuate, as we all do, but lately I'm so clouded I don't even know how I feel about things. Always tired, no motivation, just ... Tired. In both senses of the word.

No risk of harm to myself or others, but I'm just deeply over things and tired. I don't even work hard hours. Have done in the past, but that's not an issue these days.

I'm becoming short with my kids, my tolerance for nonsense is almost none existent. I feel super agitated, have been sneaking cigarettes, just fucking on edge and I don't know why. If I'm honest family life grinds at me sometimes, but that's a responsibility we all shoulder.

Has anyone else had this kick in so abruptly? Is it an age thing? I just want to feel myself again, I'm normally so driven.

Hi everyone. I'm Rehnuma, a psychotherapist and counselling psychologist in training at the University of Roehampton in London, UK. I'm researching what it's like to live with longstanding feelings of emptiness for my doctoral thesis.

Part of what drew me to this topic is that I often hear about feelings of emptiness from therapy clients I work with who experience depression. Everyone seems to describe it a little differently, and I've become interested in understanding what emptiness is like to live with and what it means to you if you live with it.

We have a lot of psychological theory about why people might feel empty, but I'd like to understand more about the experience itself: how people make sense of it, how it affects their everyday lives and relationships, and what it means to live with it over a long period. Ultimately, I hope this research can contribute to a better understanding of what people who experience longstanding feelings of emptiness need to live fulfilling lives.

If you've experienced longstanding or repeated feelings of emptiness, I'd be interested to hear what that's been like for you over the years.

You can take part as long as you're over 18, living in the UK, have experienced longstanding or repeated feelings of emptiness, and feel comfortable talking in some depth about your experiences and how they affect you.

You don't need a formal mental health diagnosis to take part.

Please contact me by DM or email me at [choudhur1@roehampton.ac.uk](mailto:choudhur1@roehampton.ac.uk) to express your interest. I'll be in touch to arrange screening and an online interview, and to answer any questions you might have.

If it helps, you can find out more about me on my website: https://www.rehnumapsychology.co.uk/

Or on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rehnumapsychology/

Thanks everyone. I hope to hear from you soon.

Rehnuma Choudhury
Psychotherapist and Trainee Counselling Psychologist
University of Roehampton

I’m 34 years old. I have two degrees, a great career earning $220k a year, multiple investment properties, $150k in savings, a long-term relationship of three years, and I live in my own apartment. I also want to acknowledge that I didn’t receive any financial help from my parents. I grew up in poverty and worked extremely hard to build this life for myself.

On paper, I’ve achieved everything I was told would make me happy. I’ve worked hard, made sacrifices, and reached goals that once felt completely out of reach.
But now that I’m here, I feel more empty and unfulfilled than ever.

Growing up, I believed that if I studied hard, built a successful career, earned good money, bought property, and found a partner, I would finally feel secure and fulfilled. I spent most of my life chasing those goals, assuming that once I achieved them, everything would fall into place.

Now I’m here, and honestly, I feel like I was sold a lie.
I know how fortunate I am, and I’m genuinely grateful for what I have. I also know there are people who would love to be in my position. But gratitude doesn’t erase the feeling that something is deeply missing from my life.
I keep thinking: Is this really it? Is this what I’ve spent my entire adult life working towards?

It feels like I’ve spent years climbing a mountain, only to reach the top and realise there’s nothing here that makes me feel fulfilled. I don’t even know what I’m missing
or what I’m supposed to be working towards now.
Has anyone else experienced this especially people who came from very little, worked hard to build a successful life, and then realised that achieving their goals didn’t make them happy?
How did you find genuine happiness, meaning, or fulfilment when everything you thought you wanted still wasn’t enough?

Eu sinceramente esta semana quase sai do estágio, humilhação é algo muito difícil de se lidar principalmente aos 54 anos.

E eu me perguntei: Porque está fazendo isso? porque não manda logo esse povo se lascar e vai pra casa assistir uma série ?

Ainda não deixei esse pensamento de lado a qualquer momento posso explodir, porque não sou uma pessoa que leva desaforo pra casa. Mas quando penso com mais calma...lembro que tenho boletos pra pagar e infelizmente sem muitas alternativas que vale a pena. Estou a 1 e 3 meses nesse estágio, é uma multinacional muito boa, mas existem pessoas muito ruins nesse mundo, zero empatia, são na verdade até mais "lascadas" do que você, mas sentem prazer em te "atazanar", ou te tratar com desprezo, essas horas que eu penso se eu mandar se fuder quem vai acabar mais fudida sou eu 🤦🏻‍♀️