for the hubby

I am an orphan in my early thirties, my girlfriend of nearly a decade realized my emotional baggage from the death of my parents and my unpreparedness for life due to having raised myself would be too much for her in the long run and rejected my marriage proposal, since then I gave up on romance, it has been a considerable number of years since she cheated, I loved her so much, I might have not been a perfect man at the time but I knew deep in my heart I wanted her to be the mother of my children, she was not a ride or die through thick and thin lover, I was, I learned how to survive the underworld after the break up, was homeless for a while as we shared an apartment and I had nowhere to go, learned how to be a strong man without a father or family and have learned to enjoy life alone, it feels good to not have to live up to anyone's expectations who does not love me for who I am anyway, why would I trade this peace I have found by myself and my art for these women that could never love me the way I need to be, they lurk on me too at clubs and in the wild during nightlife, Morrissey has a song called the more you ignore me the closer I get, I know I could have a fling, I know I could get a date, I am a very attractive guy, I just cannot stand a woman telling me I am not enough, most of them are shallow floosies with daddy issues, when I see clubs and nightlife events now, I see a ship that sailed away a long time ago, deep down I have seering disdain for them, when they get close I just want them to go away

If anyone have a theory please share

As a teen I have never been in a relationship with anyone which is frustrating bec all the friends around me are already in relationships

When I first met you,something deep inside me had woke up ..
a force I had no language for,a tide that rose beyond reason,beyond the borders of the heart,beyond all that I had believed a human soul could feel.
I loved you, as if in wonder of discovery,
as though the universe itself,had hidden one final secret beneath the stars and, at last,had placed it in my hands.

And then I looked into your eyes and there you were.
Not untouched, Not unaware, But standing at the edge
of the very same impossible ocean,trying to understand
the waves that had carried us there.

I saw you feeling it.I saw you searching my face
for an explanation neither of us possessed.
And perhaps that was the miracle
That somehow, without promise, without warning,
without knowing how, we had found the same impossible place.

It was as though the universe had opened a hidden door and allowed us, just for a moment,to step beyond the ordinary world.
And there,beneath the silence of eternity,
it revealed something too immense for ordinary words: us.
A love so vast, that if we gathered every word
ever spoken by humankind and tried to build a language for it, we would still fall silent before its magnitude.

A secret written between the stars.
A truth the universe had known long before we did.
And perhaps it smiled, watching us stumble through the wonder of it,knowing that we would never fully understand what had been placed between us.
Yet still, it gave us the desire to spend our lives trying.

And maybe that is the greatest beauty of love, that it remains partly unknowable.
For if I could understand you completely,
if I could measure every depth of your soul,
if I could name every reason my heart chose yours,
perhaps one day the mystery would fade.

But you were never meant to become something I could solve.
You were meant to remain the horizon I could spend forever approaching.
The star I could follow without ever reaching its end.
The song I could hear a thousand times,and still discover another note.

And I wish with everything that lives inside me, that we could have held on to that impossible thing.
That love which felt so far beyond this world, that perhaps this world could only exist inside of it.

A love so powerful that standing before it made us feel weak. not because we lacked strength, but because we were witnessing something stronger than either of us.

Something ancient. Something fierce. Something willing to fight for the two souls who had somehow found each other.
And if the years should carry you far beyond my reach,
if the winds of this life should scatter us across distant skies, then let this be the prayer I send after you:

May our love become the wind beneath your wings.
May it find you when the night is darkest.
May it rise beneath you when your strength is gone.
May it whisper my name through every storm and remind you that somewhere in this vast universe,
there is a heart that still knows yours.

And if the heavens are kind, if fate is not finished with us, if the stars still remember the secret they once revealed, then let that wind carry you home.
Back to me.
Because you are not simply the love of my life.
You are the love that changed the way I understand love itself.
The miracle I never knew I was waiting for.
The mystery I would spend eternity trying to understand.

The impossible thing that became real when I looked into your eyes.
And wherever you are, whatever distance lies between us, whatever storms the universe chooses to place upon our path
know this:
No matter where life takes us

Some part of me will always belong to what we found in each other.

Without realizing it

I fell in love with someone

But everything is against me

We live in different countries

He has a family and

He doesn't know about me

I thought that I am torturing him without wanting to

Because he is always in my heart and thoughts

So I thought I must go back

To meet him and allow to both of ourselves to choose each other

I want it more than anything but nothing works

On the other hand I thought I must do my best to survive and find someone else

But how can I do that

When he is the one in my heart?

No one will be him

I don't want anyone else

I only want him

But i am afraid he will hate me

Although he would have every right to do it

I just want to be with you

M23. I've never posted to reddit before, and usually never talk about things like this openly. Now, considering I'm a journalist, I like to think I'm a good writer lol, but when I try and write about this I find myself dumbfounded on how to put things into words. So I will try my best. Almost a year ago I was back in the midwest, where I'm from, attending school. I was the photo editor of my colleges newspaper and had been for two years. I was in an amazing point in my life. I finally had fully moved on from a past relationship, one that honestly only ended because we both realized that we just weren't meant for each other. I had many friends, I was traveling almost every weekend for work, getting to do the most amazing things. Then I met this girl. Up until this point I detested the idea of being with someone because all I cared about was my work. Eventually I began to open up to the idea of welcoming someone into my life. Now, I'd say I'm a pretty average looking guy. But this girl was the first girl I began to crush on that I genuinely could not see her ever giving me a second glance. She ended up dming me on Instagram. I had to lock in, and boy did I. Eventually I was outside of her door, my heart beating so fast I thought I might die on her front porch, and a nice outfit on that came after four others. That first night with her was an incredible first date. The first thing I noticed about her was her genuine inquisitiveness. She is a deeply curious person, a bright person, but also able to accept and talk about chaos. For the next three weeks we hung out almost every single day. I took her to class, she brought me food when I was sick. I had been in two long term relationships in the past and even the honeymoon stage with them was not this good. We worked in a way that I hadn't even experienced with my guy best friends. I can't even explain what it felt like to kiss her. What it felt like to hold her hand, hear her voice. About a month of this past and we told eachother we were together, I know I know it took a while. To cut to the point because I genuinely have not figured out how to write about this person, she evetually told me she loved me. I told her I loved her to, and I meant it. Now, I've got some issues. Issues that I thought had been burned away with my buildup of confidence in my work. This issue was insecurity and self sabotage. I never really vocalized or made these issues known in a toxic way, but it happened more stoically. I would push away from people and things that were good for me, I would give bullshit reasons as to why I couldn't be somewhere or do something. As this girl and I fell more madly in love with each other, I began to do this. At this time my aunt died, someone that I was extremely close with. I told this girl that I wished to be alone for a week, as that is how I get through grief. Being the saint she is she totally understood. I think at this time my mind began to tell me that this was a perfect time to push away from a thing that was probably too good for me. Something that I did not deserve. The grief was heavy, my aunt was the woman who made me want to become a journalist. After a week this girl checked on me. I told her I was sick with grief as I was. She asked if I wanted to see her. My mind screamed that yes, yes I did. However I said that I did not want her to see me this way. Also at this time I applied for an internship that would take me out west, to the other side of the country. If I were to get it, I would be leaving in three months and be gone for a year. Now, in most areas of my life I tend to be very mature for my age. But at this time, between the grief and between the fear of having to leave this girl for a year was killing me. To shorten this a bit, I pushed her away. She offered to bring me food sometimes without even staying. I always found an excuse for that to not happen. Even when she said she would just drop it off. A few more weeks passed like this and rightfully so she told me she had to go. She told me she still loved me, still cared about me. She blocked me on instagram and we separated. Three months later I was in my car and driving out west, where I am now. Since I got over the grief of my aunt, for the past year, all I think about is her. I think of her in everything. When I say humanity in my caption it has to do with my work. Constantly I am confronted with the beauty and love of humanity in my work. Each time I witness these things I think of her. Of how she cared about me. I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. I reached a point of a weird sort of bliss where I accepted the fact that this girl might have been the love of my life but I now have to accept that things ended because of me and my inability to deal with heavy emotions. Even though it's only been a year, I have become a different person. In conclusion, and why I made this post, yesterday she re followed me on Instagram. I just smiled thinking, well that's nice she's probably just wondering how my internship is going. Then she sent me a poem to my phone number. It said "I will take care of me, for you, As long as you take care of you, for me, that's all that I ask." So I have no idea whether to respond or not. I am now thinking of her even more than I ever have. I was up all night last night, grabbing my phone over and over again just looking at that text. Because I do love this girl, I thought I would ask on this sub, What do I do? Do I respond? Do I send her the poems I have written about her? Help me, I am obviously not good at this. Thank you reddit. I know this was long.

As a guy, how do you know ?
Also people change
So people marry for benefit

...If you could see yourself through their eyes ‎one day, I hope you can get a glimpse of yourself through the eyes of someone who adores you. and when you do, I hope you understand how beautiful it is to be you. how others truly treasure being loved by you, seen by you, and understood by you. I hope you notice the energy shift when you walk into a room, when you light up the day for the one person who cherishes your presence... ‎I hope it's enough to not lose your softness, because in the world filled with darkness, insecurities, and fear, you are someone's best friend, refuge, and a safe place to land. you are proof that loyalty exists. and I hope you know, the way you love deeply, fiercely and without calculation is sacred. the way you show up, even when you're fighting your own life, matters more than you know. you are rare. you are someone's answered prayer. someone's quite miracle. someone's reason to believe in themselves... ‎that kind of love leaves everyone better than you found them. and I hope one day, you believe it too. for everyone who loves you, and for yourself too. being loved is a privilege you should never take for granted, and loving, and understanding are so much better when it comes from within first, it's a treasure.

Issues