Genuinely concerned for myself. I have a lifelong sex addiction. Because I’m all too aware of the potential for negative consequences to myself and my loved ones, I mainly stick to porn. I feel like this is the least intrusive of my compulsions. A ‘safe expression’ where the only one abused is me. But I digress…

I’ve been really doing my best to stay on a good path. To stay clean, to keep my influences pure, and to manage my state of mind. The thing is, it never goes away. It’s a constant fight, and I tire easily. At its worst, I sink into a depression so deep, that I’ll do anything, ANYTHING to ease the pain. To take back some energy. I often think of taking my own life in these moments.

To save myself, I turn to the one thing that I know for certain will give me some ‘feel good’. If you’re here, then I don’t need to tell you what that is. The worst part? For a while I genuinely feel better. More spry. More like myself. Like I have strength again. This could last days or months. Inevitably though, the cycle must continue.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get this demon off my soul. Not as long as it’s keeping me alive. God help me.

Hi. I’m a sex and love addict, I joined the programme around 7/8 months ago and have struggled staying sober. I really want to get better. It’s hard, I mean this addiction has literally taken over my life. I find myself eroding away while trying to meet men who do not fulfil my needs and now I feel like a ghost, at this point. I need to get better and I’m committed to the process. What helped you and what can I do? Please give me as much guidance as possible, I am tired and really want a new life for myself. I deserve it. Thanks ♥️♥️♥️♥️

I did 12 steps in 4 hrs program with a sponsor, I made a resentment and fear list, but I didnt get the column 4 (character defects ) correct, so I didnt get to the root. I am slowly getting it right now. any tipss on identifying core defects?

Ex i feel my friends dont respect me or help me like they do with otherss. this is a resentment i hve had for my entire life, making friends is impossible for me. also i llaack courage andd it is a resentment tht i hve. how wouldd you write a step 4 inventory ffor it?

I want to know how to do a sstep 10. when to do it as well. I hear selfish, dishonesty, fear and resentment need step 10, but wht about boredom, when i get a sexual urge?

right now i pry to godd to remove my defect aand i text my sponsor but I dont see any relief / difference, maybe im doing it wrong. pls help.

I feel missing being safe and held in a chaotic family unit has lead me to earn love. I had an adventurous life and had few experiences that left me even more hollow and craving for more love. Dating perpetuates this loop even more as people are dissociated and downright not caring beyond bodily needs. It’s been a highly disappointing experience and has ruined intimacy entirely.
I have stopped sexual experiences cold-turkey but I haven’t been able to stop hoping that someday I will have love and intimacy and the safety of a family I never felt.

Edit:
I no longer drink, smoke, smoke up, date, have sex, have no addictions, even almost all the way through food addiction, go to regular therapy.
I lost my pet and have only one member in the family. I feel having a pet really held me strong but the loss was a lot and I’m not ready for another.
I have no coping mechanisms.
Along with therapy, I have taken up reading newly (ADHD deterred me growing up)
I meditated for a few days but couldn’t return after my pet’s recent passing.
I was a fucking amazing pet parent. She had fresh meals, timely walks and lots of love and medical care and toys and time to be herself.
I tried art and coloring but those were more hyper fixations than habits.
I cook sometimes and sing, dance, travel, have few good friends.
I don’t go out of the house much or get enough sun ot work out. I could but I don’t feel motivated to.

I feel I’m doing a lot of things right but there’s still a gaping hole in my chest.

I've been in recovery from cam site addictiom for six months and just starting going to SLAA meetings three weeks ago. It helped a lot but I relapsed yesterday and Im feeling disappointed and bummed out. Paying for sites is my bottom line but Im also trying to avoid any content at all because it just makes it easier to convince myself to cave in. Does anyone have advice or shared experience with this?

ok maybe this is covered in an FAQ somewhere but isn’t it true that lots of normie people, if I told them “I feel sad all the time bc I never have sex,” they would tell me it’s okay to like go out and try to achieve that??? and not to join a 12-step program…I hope this makes sense…I’m not trying to sound glib, thanks everyone

Hi! My sponsor has assigned me the task of doing 3 outreach calls a day. So I'm looking for SLAA group chats to find more people for outreach. Thanks!

I am currently starting the proces of making amends. I have been in SLAA for almost a year now, and it its two years since I told my partner about my addiction (which was mainly porn, but also online cheating and - in my past relationships - irl cheating).

SLAA has not been entirely unproblematic in regards to our relationship. She feels a bit left behind, which we have talked about and we have restartet sessions with the therapist we used before SLAA. But the feeling still remains with her, that SLAA is something she can't really comprehend, she doesn't really understand what is going on there - which I get, I kind of don't understand it myself. I have have tried to tell her a bit about it, but the anomynous-part makes it difficult, and also I just plainly don't want to share everything I say in SLAA or think about there with her. We are a couple that talk and share our thoughts a lot, and I can tell that it is bothering her that this is more my thing alone.

Now I am starting making amends, and it is really difficult. I know that I am not allowed to share names with her, but it makes her extremely paranoid that she doesn't know what or who is on the list. As she says: The last time you had a secret, it was a really big one. She is obviously traumatised from what I did to her, so she speculates if I raped someone or was raped myself or or or. I can say no and no and no, but the point is: 1) even though I say "No, this is not on the list" to a whole lot of things, she will still be able to think about other horrific things that it might be, and generally she has a very hard time accepting, that I am not sharing this with her, and 2) there is actually a couple of things in there, that I don't really want her to know, to be honest. Also I don't think it will benefit her to know these things (none if these things are about her), but I am not totally sure if I am just trying to protect my secrets.

I guess there is not a specific question here other than: Do any of you have experience with these kinds of things? Do you have any advice?

PS. It is not so much the ameds to her, that is the problem. I have apologized to her many times already and although I don't look forward to doing it once again in 12-step-program context, I am okay with it.

I have a decade of recovery but yet I, need more help. Does anyone have therapists either that n person or online I n Cincinnati area . This life is what I need to survive.

Sei que pode parecer clichê, mas estou passando por um dos momentos mais difíceis da minha vida. Estou enfrentando problemas financeiros, dificuldades no trabalho e uma série de situações que têm me deixado extremamente irritado, frustrado e sem saber para onde seguir.

Consumo pornografia há muitos anos, mas, nos últimos tempos, isso saiu completamente do meu controle. O desejo de assistir foi aumentando até chegar a um ponto em que muitas vezes sinto que não consigo mais controlar meus impulsos.

Hoje consigo perceber que esses prazeres momentâneos estão destruindo partes importantes da minha vida.

Tenho uma esposa maravilhosa ao meu lado e uma filha linda, mas, mesmo tendo pessoas que amo dentro de casa, estou cada vez mais isolado. Tenho dificuldade para conversar com elas, me fecho, procuro ficar sozinho e tenho vivido momentos de muita solidão. Tenho dormido mal, me alimentado mal e, muitas vezes, trabalho exageradamente apenas para evitar chegar em casa e encarar a situação.

Minha esposa acabou encontrando no meu computador coisas relacionadas a esse comportamento sobre a pornografia, e eu sei que errei. Não quero fugir da responsabilidade pelos meus atos. Eu sei que fui alimentando esse problema durante anos e que minhas escolhas tiveram consequências.

Mas hoje eu me sinto perdido.

É como se estivesse dentro de uma floresta sem saber qual caminho seguir. Em alguns momentos consigo enxergar que aquilo tudo é uma fantasia e que está me fazendo mal, mas, quando o impulso aparece, parece que perco o controle novamente.

Isso está afetando meu casamento, minha relação com minha filha, meu trabalho, minha saúde emocional e minha própria maneira de enxergar a vida.

Tenho enfrentado dívidas, problemas financeiros, sentimentos de fracasso, solidão e muita culpa. Tenho me sentido sujo, humilhado e envergonhado. Em alguns momentos, chego a pensar que minha vida perdeu o sentido e tenho perdido a vontade de viver.

É muito difícil admitir isso.

Dizer para alguém que acredito estar sofrendo com um comportamento compulsivo relacionado à pornografia não é algo fácil. Tenho vergonha, medo de ser julgado e não sei nem por onde começar.

Mas sei de uma coisa: eu não quero continuar vivendo dessa maneira.

Eu amo minha esposa. Amo minha filha. E quero recuperar minha vida, minha família e minha dignidade.

Estou reconhecendo que não estou conseguindo enfrentar isso sozinho e que preciso de ajuda de verdade. Preciso conversar com alguém, buscar tratamento e entender o que está acontecendo comigo para conseguir sair desse ciclo.

Não estou escrevendo isso para justificar meus erros. Estou escrevendo porque finalmente estou admitindo que existe um problema e que preciso de ajuda para enfrentá-lo.

Should I seek help , I think it’s getting worse over time and I can’t stop thinking about it throughout the day. It’s effecting me I make irrational choices and always regret within 1 minute after I’m done

Hoy cumplo casi un mes limpio de alcohol y marihuana. A mis 32 años, decidí cortar de tajo hábitos que me acompañaron durante muchísimo tiempo: estuve tomando alcohol prácticamente desde los 15 años y fumando marihuana desde los 18. Además, desde los 20 años llegué a consumir cristal (fumatado o inhalado) de forma intermitente; había semanas en las que consumía todos los días hasta por 5 días seguidos, y luego pasaba semanas o periodos sin consumir nada. Ha sido, sin duda alguna, el mes más duro de toda mi vida, pero también el primero en el que decido priorizarme de verdad.

​Les comparto mi historia por si alguien está pasando por lo mismo, y también para pedir consejos de cómo lograron salir de esto:

​El proceso físico, el miedo y las pruebas:

Al inicio de todo este proceso, sufrí ataques de pánico y de ansiedad terribles. Sentía literalmente que algo en mi cerebro se había roto y que me iba a morir de un ataque cardíaco en cualquier momento.

​Al cortar las sustancias después de tanto tiempo, mi cuerpo colapsó. He estado experimentando un cuadro clásico de PAWS (Síndrome de Abstinencia Tardío) que me ha llevado al límite. A veces me siento de la chingada y otros días estoy bien, pero sigo con sensaciones físicas muy raras: mareos, desrealización (sentirme desconectado, como flotando o "ido"), boca seca de cartón, insomnio y una tensión muscular brutal en la nuca y la espalda baja.

​A esto se le sumaron molestias inguinales/testiculares y episodios gastrointestinales severos que me deshidrataron por completo. Por la misma ansiedad, me invadió el miedo a tener alguna enfermedad grave. Para salir de dudas, me hice un perfil clínico completo de laboratorio (biometría hemática, química sanguínea, perfil hepático y lipídico) y todo salió en rangos óptimos. Mis órganos están sanos y limpios; el dolor es muscular por sobrecarga y deshidratación, y lo demás es mi sistema nervioso recalibrándose.

​Tratamientos y medicamentos:

Estuve tomando escitalopram al inicio para controlar la ansiedad, pero lo dejé. También fui al seguro de urgencias y me recetaron alprazolam junto con otros medicamentos; sin embargo, solo los tomé un solo día porque al día siguiente me sentía horriblemente "para abajo", totalmente aletargado y dopado. Decidí no volver a tomarlos. Después de eso hubo días en los que me sentí bien, pero sigo teniendo bajones extremos de ánimo y energía. Actualmente solo voy al psicólogo y tomo unas gotas de medicamento homeopático para relajarme y ayudarme a procesar la tensión.

​Carga emocional y límites:

A la par de la batalla física, tuve que enfrentar el fin definitivo de una relación sumamente agotadora y tóxica. Durante mucho tiempo sentí que tenía que estar justificando mi dolor, rindiendo cuentas de mi mentalidad o aguantando insultos mientras intentaba recuperarme. Hoy finalmente puse un límite firme, no caí en provocaciones y cerré esa puerta para siempre. Entendí que no puedo sanar si mantengo mi vida abierta a personas que solo aportan veneno y estrés.

​Donde estoy hoy:

Hoy mi cuerpo me cobró la factura del estrés de esa discusión y de estos bajones extremos. Sentí el impulso y las ganas de consumir (cravings) para apagar el malestar, pero no cedí.

​La verdad es que solo quiero volver a ser yo de nuevo. Sé que el reajuste cerebral toma tiempo tras más de una década de consumo de distintas sustancias, pero a veces desespera no sentirse al 100%.

​¿Cómo fue su proceso al dejar las sustancias después de tanto tiempo? ¿Cómo lidiaron con los bajones extremos, las sensaciones raras del cuerpo y la desrealización? Agradezco cualquier consejo o palabra de aliento.

Hi guys, been in SLAA for a year and have found it to be a helpful experience for the most part and life changing overall. I appreciate the take what you want and leave the rest attitude. That being said, I’m finding it hard to find a non-fundamentalist group and sponsor. I appreciate the traditional Big Book perspective, and I know that everyone uses it in a different way, but I find that I relate a lot more to the SLAA basic text. I have no problem following rules, but I feel to continue I need to find a group that isn’t very limited in beliefs, and can understand the nuance to the female perspective of abuse cycles/trauma bonds as they relate to addiction.

Overall there’s just so many meetings and WhatsApp groups available I’ve just found myself lost over the last year and burned a few times by some odd experiences. Anyone who gets what I mean, please feel free to comment or PM. I’d appreciate it.

I’m now 33 days clean and aiming to get into a rehab next week. I’ve had to stay clean to be able to get in as they don’t offer a detox at this specific rehab.
I honestly don’t know what to expect I don’t know anyone who has been to rehab, all I’ve read is other Reddit user experiences that have been shared.
I’m so so terrified I’m only 19 I’m scared for the first day, to talk to other people there. What the rules are .
It’s also 4 hours away from my home town so I’m not gonna be near any family or friends.
I know I also shouldn’t think about the future but I’m scared for after to try an go back to “normal” life will I ever be able to go back? I’m scared I’ll get so overwhelmed and leave and relapse.
Is anyone able to share their personal experiences

I'm 32, single MAN , and have never really experienced dating, intimacy, kissing, or a relationship. Ofcoure, Currently on Step 7 in SLAA - I'm recovering from many bottom lines: Porn, Masturbation, Thai Massage shops, Fantasy thoughts (HUGE), edging, brothel's etc

One thing I've become aware of is that I've built up a huge amount of insecurity around women, especially white women. Indian Origin living in Australia for 10 years, and for some reason I've attached a lot of my self-worth to the idea of being desired by or having a relationship with a white woman., or attractive looking Indian women.

Logically, I know this sounds strange. A relationship or sexual experience won't magically solve my problems. But emotionally, it feels like there's a big unfinished chapter in my life.

When I see other couples, I often feel behind. I wonder what it's like to be wanted, kissed, flirted with, or chosen by someone. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing a fundamental life experience that most people had years ago.

On top of that, I've become somewhat obsessed with rave parties and nightclubs. Part of me enjoys the music and atmosphere, but another part is constantly hoping that I'll finally meet someone casually, feel attractive, or have the romantic experiences I've been missing for a very short time. When those expectations aren't met (as always), I often feel disappointed and frustrated.

The hardest part is that I've started linking my value as a man to whether or not I've had these experiences. Intellectually I know that's probably unhealthy, but it's how I feel.

Has anyone else struggled with something similar? How did you stop tying your self-worth to dating, sex, or validation from a particular type of person?

 I'd appreciate honest advice, especially from people who overcame late-blooming insecurities around relationships and intimacy.

How do you resist an addiction when it says, "I miss you and love you"?

(Throwaway account.) I just discovered SLAA three weeks ago, but I'm not able to attend even a virtual meeting until we get settled. For context: although my spouse and I are polyamorous, my compulsive behavior around this particular person has strained our marriage. (Do we call them 'Q' in SLAA, like in Al-Anon?)

Four days have passed and I haven't answered his email, which is a record for resisting his advances. I'm angry at him for not honoring my request for no contact (I blocked him but that just sends his messages to spam), yet I'm so tempted to see him! And I'm frustrated with my husband for making no effort to address his own addiction. Needless to say, it's a very destabilizing time. I'm desperate to hear an understanding voice.

it took me a long time to accept my alcoholism and that I could benefit from the 12 steps. I felt very defiant against the religious aspect. I hated being told what to do. I hate when people who’ve admitted they can’t manage their life try to manage mine. “you need medication”, “you can’t have medication”, “you used your medication alcoholically”, “if you don’t do this, you’re not willing to go to any lengths”, “obey God”

just a handful of statements that make my therapist gag.

but I got out of a very codependent and toxic relationship at around 10 months sober. and I was like “fuck, I really need to lock in to this AA program. now that I have no external love to fill my cup, I feel defenseless”

so I went to a meeting. and the speaker talked about her love addiction. I totally related and asked her to be my sponsor in AA. I started going to SLAA and looking for a sponsor.

and boy, am I starting to see a lot of problems with it.

first of all, I think almost everyone in SLAA has some form of attachment issues. usually stemming from childhood trauma. usually characterized by BPD or C-PTSD traits.

and that doesn’t immediately disqualify a spiritual program as a solution. but the amount of self-shaming I’m hearing… I’m not okay with.
I don’t want to identify as a “sex and love addict” I believe language is powerful and the way we identify is a self-fulfilling prophecy

my AA sponsor has made a lot of executive decisions about my life, like that it’s not appropriate for me to hang out with my friend who I went on a date with once. that it’s “a risk for relapse”. but no. actually I’m not interested in her. we are friends. it’s a healthy practice in boundaries. don’t project all over me

I’m tired of hearing that any form of intrigue is “my shameful addiction”. and terms like “finding a new victim”. I don’t think it’s healthy to analyze every thought I ever have. and any time I find someone attractive. and every time I listen to a love song. and every time I’m sexually aroused.

I have OCD and the aforementioned hyperanalysis is actually making me question reality and my own intentions in a very unhealthy way. disrupting my daily life, HOURLY. it’s not normal.

I heard someone say that none of our relationships prior to working the program could have been “real love”. who are you to define love? not all love is healthy love. my parents love me despite the mistakes they made and their own unhealed issues. fuck that.

an equal amount of attachment issues need to be healed in relationship as those that should be healed alone and through relationship to self
why can I not get the help I need out of trauma therapy and my dharma recovery groups? why do we speak about our program like it’s the only program?

the book is sexist and boring and way worse than the big book. and again, a tone of rigidity and shame. shame is the number one blockage in healing trauma. i don’t need more of it. i reject that.
we don’t allow or discuss harm reduction, which is actually wild coming from a program where total abstinence often isn’t possible.

also, not to mention the lack of queer-
and neurodivergent friendliness. i’m sorry but every sober dating plan i’ve heard of would be a joke in the lesbian community. i can have boundaries and know myself better but. yeah.

also, to have 100 bottom lines and rules for dating actually sends me into an autistic spiral. I already don’t understand unspoken social rules. now you want me to LET GO of the few friends I have because you don’t think they’re “sober enough”, just to have to try and make friends AGAIN as an extremely socially awkward person WITH a bunch of rules floating around in my head? that is straight neurotypical shit.

finally, I don’t feel I fit in here because I have had multiple people interested in me in the past month and have very rationally declined to date them, even when there was attraction. with no obsession following the event. because I know I have healing to do and I WANT to be alone for this season of my life. no limerence. no obsession.

I fantasize about everything, that’s what I do. I’m a maladaptive daydreamer. it could be about hot cowgirls or pineapple on pizza or my favorite band in the green room. it could be maladaptive coping, sure. but no amount of praying about it is going to change it. healthier coping skills will. grounding and body-centered work will.

so I want out, and that might mean I need a new AA sponsor. I’m not really sure how to broach the topic with her.

I haven’t posted in a long time, but wanted to share something amazing that has happened in recovery: all the energy, passion, and obsession that I used to pour into limerence has turned into the passion I have for my hobbies, career, and other relationships. I no longer feel despair without the thrill of limerence.
I’m also in a healthy relationship, and my partner supports me when I do have addiction triggers come up. We’ve been together over 2 years.
All this to say, there is a wonderful lightness in the process of recovery! It took me by surprise, honestly. Just the other day I realized that I was “obsessing” over my new schoolwork and a new hobby (I’m changing careers and have more time for healthy fun) and felt hopeful about the future. Life is slower, now, and calmer, and I’m finally starting to love that feeling of peace.
So, for anyone in the darkness still, keep going. You can do this.

Hi everyone

I have been recovered for 2 years, when I started it was because I wanted a normal sane relationship.
12 steps seemed like a bit far fetched idea, and I definitely didn’t like the idea of religion or what I thought it was “religious”.
But I was so desperate I couldn’t see myself going back to the misery of my life.
I have 2 kids and I am single and I just couldn’t carry on like that anymore.
When I came to a big book fellowship I though:
“Gosh this guy seems a little too much”, however I didn’t want to go back to be completely NUTS.
I had a 1% willingness to go through with it.
But not God please.
I call it universe instead, creative power.
My sponsor said it was enough.

I have been here for 2 years and 2 months.
I have been working this program every day
And all I can say is:
This is a miracle.

For the very first time in 38 years of life I have sanity,
I am happy, I am smiling every day!
I have a job I LOVE
Kids I LOVE
A safe home, a bunch of friends and my intuition alligned with my higher power will for my life.

If you are a newcomer hold tight
It gets magnificent ❤️🐢

I feel very ashamed posting here; I speak Spanish and am using a translator, so the translation might not be perfect, but honestly, I am tired of going in circles. I have been exposed to pornography from an early age—looking back, it has been with me my whole life, just like masturbation—and I didn't see the terrible damage it was doing to my life until now. I constantly have sexual thoughts—all the time, every hour of the day. I’ve only just realized that, for quite some time now, I have viewed the people I’ve been attracted to merely as a means to act out fantasies. I feel like I can't have a normal romantic relationship because I feel incapable of truly seeing people's souls; I only see their bodies. This is the first time I’ve spoken about this, and the first time I’ve been honest with myself and admitted that I have a serious problem. I repeat: this causes me enormous shame, and I want to change.