I've noticed a lot of the time the people who are the coldest to newcomers are ABDs. Some fobs definitely do have quirks that deserve criticism but a lot of the times they themselves are blissfully unaware they are doing anything wrong. For example, I've run into many Desi fobs who have BO and I've pulled them to the side and told them to shower regularly, wear deodorant, etc. I'd say in 95% of these interactions they were initially embarrassed but also thanked me for politely educating them. Please put yourself in their shoes. They are coming into a brand new world with brand new norms and customs. It is a very difficult adjustment.

time to return Olivera’s favor

Anyone else feel like Shaadi, Dil Mil and these dating apps have become nothing but money pits? Been using them for almost 10 years now. Pay to see likes, pay to message, pay for pretty much everything. And after all that, you're still dealing with fake profiles, catfish, crypto scammers and conversations that go nowhere.
Tried in-person mixers too, thinking they'd be better. But honestly, those have their own issues. Dimly lit rooms, everyone's in their own little groups, and by the time you get comfortable, you've barely gotten to know 3 or 4 people. The rest are still strangers. What if you already knew who you wanted to talk to before you walked in?
So been working on a small app that connects people before they show up at an event. No swiping, no likes. Just see who's coming and who might want to meet. Every profile gets checked by an actual person before they're let in, and since you have to show up in person, the fakes don't last. It's free, apart from some optional AI stuff that costs money to run.
First mixer is planned for Tampa in late November. Giving away 30 free tickets to people who join early, to get things going.
Anyway, the main reason for posting here is to see if anyone in other cities would be up for doing something similar.
Maybe you know your local Desi community, enjoy organizing get-togethers, or have thought about doing something like this.
The app is already built, so no tech work needed. We could organize events together, and local partners would get a percentage of the event revenue. Nothing is set in stone yet, happy to figure things out together.
Not looking for employees or promoters. Just a few people who might want to give this a shot.
The app's called Dhadkan, on both iOS and Android. If you're interested in hosting, or just want to check it out, DM me your city and I'll send you the details.

Guess this is for the women in the sub. I(30F) am having my first daughter in 4-5 weeks! My mom is planning on staying with me for a couple of months(maybe 3?). She lives about 8 hrs away so she will be staying in our guest room. We also live in a city row home so space is kind of tight. I can deal with my mom for maybe 5 days max (she is kind of overbearing and toxic sometimes) but I guess it would be nice to have help with the baby? I don’t know how to politely tell her that she can’t stay for that long, she kind of just told me she was going to and I feel guilty for saying no. Her plan to stay until my husband’s paternity leave ends but I kind of wanted to be just the two of us before it ends. My husband is also not comfortable with her staying that long as she kind of takes over the entire house and I have to talk to her about boundaries all the time. I know in her time when she had me she just stayed with her mom for some time.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

I made a post here a month ago saying people were affected too much by the online racism going on and I want to admit I was wrong about the stance I took on it. A lot of these Twitter posts are just Pakistani bots or made by white incels trying to attack any minority group they perceive weak. That was my initial assumption and I thought we could definitely protest on the street but we should not be as worried because I actively look down on the people making such posts. We seen what happened with the Palatine mass shooting plot and it is messed up but now it’s getting to a point we can become targets. It affects everyone families and young kids. I keep talking about “collectivism” but collectivism will not be possible with certain rheoteric.

But this post is not about that, I wanted to talk about America in this post. I had these conversations about politics with my friends about American excellence and other issues people are facing in country. They think I am too invested in these issues but they have to be addressed. People talk about how much “America has done for me and my family?” Tell me again? What has America done for you and your family? Does the system truly view African American, indigenous people, or our own as Americans? America views your family as laborers whom they can exploit so they can profit off. They do not care about being “pro immigration”, they care about being “pro capital.” If they cared about your family, there would not be such rhetoric against pagans rn. Even if America done “so much” for your family, then why is it that so many families from minority communities get brutalized? To me, this is much bigger of an issue than money or a certain lifestyle I want to have. There are people dying from a lack of healthcare or police brutality and it will be selfish of me to look the other way on these issues. This is supposed to be a country for everyone to practice their freedom of religion peacefully and it’s not happening rn.

I am yet to hear a good answer from anyone here. What is a good reason we should show any pride to America rn? I don’t see any good reason. Patriotism is moreso jingoism and Americans use it to hide their racism. I don’t buy this idea of patriotism. To make change, we have to be as resistant towards the ideas of America and no one wants to pick up arms yet no one wants to make peaceful protests. My other childhood Indian friends are kinda tiring out from my actions such as not standing up for the national anthem, wearing clothes depicting Che Guevera and Fidel Castro, and now I’m planning on buying socks that depict police officers and military men as pigs. The thing about doing all this is it invites conversations with other people about these issues. One of the big issues holding America back is Christian nationalism and institutionalized Christianity. They try so hard to convert people from other religions and missionaries are some of the people we need to target. I recently stalked a missionary spreading their rhetoric in a minority community and I called the towing company on him. Some people will say this is out of line but they need to stop spreading their rhetoric. Make other peoples lives as uncomfortable as possible if they want to be a barrier to resistance. One thing I noticed is all the businesses ran by “god fearing Christian” people also tend to harbor racists. You can’t be as business person and be a racist too, I am also trying to identify these people and make them uncomfortable too. To me, there has got to be changes. I also believe Christianity and white supremacy go hand in hand but I completely respect people who chose to practice based off their own accord. I do not believe in the process of finding other people and trying to convert them under the guise of saving them. We need to be more like African Americans who are willing to fight for freedom. I have a good understanding of why people here don’t want to do some of these things. Their jobs can get impacted, they can be confronted, and these are all valid reasons but change is not made being ideal. We should at least start boycotting companies such as Amazon and move to suppliers or distributors. You can do this by going on Amazon and seeing where the original product is coming from and buying from the original producer’s website. We can also educate each other and speak on these issues but I don’t see enough people doing that.

I’m an Indian woman but pass heavily as black so have been called the n word before. Black people often do not realize I am Indian and think I am black as well. Had a lot of anti black racism growing up as well. Even now in my thirties I meet Indians who say they think I’m black. Curious if anyone else has had this experience.

I found this website useful for learning telugu https://bhashafy.com/ It has other major Indian languages too.

Hope this helps for those trying to learn their heritage language.

This is in US. You’re walking with your wife and 2 toddler girls casually in a park or a trail or a fair or a store, etc. You just mind your own business. Taking care of kids, feeding them snacks or making them drink water. Or just checking the store shelves. You see some people coming across in your path within a distance of 300m or so. They get super uncomfortable, cannot bear my existence there. If it is a couple, the female or male starts acting super romantic and PDA all of a sudden. Gets awkward and cringy. Mostly white couples, but happens with others too. I literally have no interest in them, just minding my own business and want to just shop around or just enjoy nature with my family. This experience is deeply dehumanizing and makes me hyper aware of my surroundings and makes me feel super disconnected with the society here. I’m just existing and people just get super uncomfortable with my presence there. The female has to assertively show that she is taken or sometimes the male shows off dominance display. How do we deal with this? Does it happen to anyone else? I cannot keep living like this.

I’m 25m, never had a girlfriend (i’ve never tried dating before), and honestly, I haven’t had that many experiences with women, so I’m still trying to figure things out. There was a girl in college who approached me about getting lunch and being friends, and we used to talk a lot, but eventually she got drier and was even kinda rude once. Then there was a girl I met at an event where we clicked and texted for a few weeks, but it never really went anywhere. And then there’s a girl at my hobby club who used to be pretty warm and talkative with me, but over the last year or two, that energy kinda changed too.

Honestly, I feel like this keeps happening where women are initially nice, warm, and friendly with me, but the more they get to know me, the colder they seem to become. Sometimes it even feels like they become more masculine around me, if that makes sense. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or if I’m doing something wrong, but I’m tired of feeling like women lose respect for me the more they get to know me.

I grew up in a broken household, struggled with learning disabilities and confidence, and had to work pretty hard to get where I am today. I try to be confident and put myself out there, but I’m not always gonna get everything right. It’s not easy to just magically become a confident guy when you’ve spent years dealing with that kind of stuff, but I still show up and try my best. And honestly, it gets exhausting feeling like that’s not enough, or like people respect you less just because you’re not perfect.

I see other dudes effortlessly joking around with women and being social, while I’m more reserved and don’t always have something to say. I’ve always tried to be a genuinely good person and treat people with respect, but lately I’ve been wondering if being nice without being super assertive just makes people take you less seriously.

At this point, I’m kinda done forcing conversations, having a response to things in small talk, bantering back if i have no witty response or feeling like I have to prove myself to women. If I genuinely vibe with someone, cool, but if not, I’m not gonna force it anymore. I have a good job, go to the gym, take care of myself, have a few friends, and I’m trying to build a good life for myself. I know I still have things to work on, but I’m tired of feeling like I have to constantly improve myself just to earn basic respect from people.

I’m not sure if i’m socially deficient or if i’m just simply not vibing with some women. Because i’ve had some effortless conversations with a few women i’ve met throughout my life so idk.

So I’m genuinely curious, am I doing something wrong socially, or am I overthinking these interactions because of my own insecurities? And have any other guys experienced this where women seem really warm toward them at first, but gradually become colder as they get to know them?

Does anyone have any good recommendations for nostalgic Indian diaspora movies for Canadians or Americans. Movies like “For here or to go” “Karma calling” ect. Let me know

It was a odd choice to support Ted

Most Desi dudes ik irl tend to be like 5’10 or above, and often at 5’7 I am the shortest one usually haha. Idk a single Desi dude my height or below irl. Most of my my fellow short kings I am friends with tend to be Hispanic or black.

So, thus, do we got any fellow Desi short kings here, rise and represent my bros 😤✊

I know there are broadly at least two schools of thought among Western citizens of Indian descent (or those who naturalized early in life). One is to lean firmly into your roots and proudly describe your heritage. The other is to stand your ground and declare " I am American" or "I'm British" and not tolerate hypocritical BS because we know white Americans, Australians and Canadians are rarely asked about their diverse origins or othered.

I'm in the latter group as a Canadian. One reason is that I'm just not culturally Indian. I don't do Indian festivals and stuff. I have very little contact with family (either ABCD/CBCD or mainland) due to complex family dynamics. I make Indian food a few times a week, but so do some erudite white folk. I'm not culturally like your average white Canadian either. I couldn't gaf about hockey or hunting/fishing. I share some things in common with both, and even other things randomly in common with other cultural groups (not surprising as we are a multicultural mosaic). Glass half-empty view is that I'm culturally orphaned. Glass half-full, I'm culturally Canadian and our young country has an evolving culture.

It doesn't help that Indian culture currently is viewed extremely negatively for reasons that may be exaggerated but do have a kernel of truth. I hate being associated with it, and I don't think it is disingenuous to not want to be associated with it when I don't even fit into it.

Therefore,I resent talking about my heritage, not because I'm denying it but because that discussion needs to be on my terms and not that of an inquisitive (at best) or racist stranger or acquaintance.

My typical response is to repeat "I'm Canadian and that's my cultural identity. My parents are from India but I am not." It usually shuts them down unless they're blatantly racist.

Anybody else in my boat?

I’m not ABCD, so admins, please remove this if it doesn’t belong here. I’ve been lurking on this sub since becoming a parent because I grew up in India and am now raising kids in the US.

My spouse and I grew up in India and have lived in the US for about 10 years. I speak Tamil, and they speak Hindi. We have a two-year-old, and our second child is due in a few months.

My toddler has been going to daycare for the past few months and has started picking up more English, while his use of Tamil and Hindi seems to be declining. My spouse also mostly speaks to him in English, although they are now switching to Hindi to help preserve the little Hindi our son has picked up.

For those of you who grew up in the US and can speak your heritage language(s) comfortably, I’d love to know:

What did your parents do that helped you learn and retain your language? Did they speak it exclusively at home, make a conscious effort to teach it, or use other strategies? How did they manage to preserve the language when you moved to school or were surrounded by English almost all the time?

Do any of you speak two heritage languages? If so, how did your parents manage both? Did you become comfortable in both, or did one naturally take priority?

For those who speak your heritage language with your siblings, how did that happen? Did your parents encourage it, or did it develop naturally?

Any advice on making this not feel forced and boring

I’m not aiming for my kids to be perfectly fluent in Tamil and Hindi. I’d just like them to have a strong enough foundation to communicate, connect with family, and explore their cultural roots if they choose to later in life. I don’t want to force the languages on them and risk making them resent the process , but I also don’t want to miss the opportunity to build that foundation while they’re young.

Since both sides of our family speak Hindi, Tamil is the harder language to maintain. I sometimes wonder whether trying to pass on both languages in the US is too ambitious, or whether I should accept that one will naturally get less attention. I am open to dropping a language of required and most probably it's going to be Tamil. At the same time I feel very emotional about letting Tamil go from my children's life .

For those who’ve been in a similar situation:

Is it realistic to build a foundation in two heritage languages while raising kids in an English-speaking environment?

What practical things can we do to help our kids want to speak these languages, rather than just understand them?

Is two too late to start being more intentional about this, especially with daycare already introducing so much English?

I’d especially love to hear from people who grew up speaking two heritage languages, or from parents who successfully passed on two languages to their kids.

Thanks so much! I’d really appreciate any experiences, advice, or practical tips.

He does not think you're American and definitely doesn't think you belong in a public University that his tax dollars pay for.

I wanted to ask, are there any ABCDs here who are often fat shamed by FOBs when they reject them. I have had that experience where I rejected Fobs due to cultural clash and their quickness to enter a relationship and or hook ups but then I get fat shamed by them…

Anyone else have this experience?

Growing up, festive season (especially Diwali/Deepavali) would be a lot about food, dressing up, decorating the house, and meeting up with some other Indian families. My parents were never religious, so doing pujas wasn't a part of tradition.

Now I'm 33, living alone in Northern Europe, and I'm low/no-contact with most of my family. This time of the year comes with loneliness and FOMO. I have some close desi friends here who usually organize something Diwali-related and there are communities here which organize events around the festive season.

But all of that feels like I'm just piggybacking onto what others are doing. The desi friends like to host, so I just go there. There are communities organizing things, so I just go there. It feels very circumstantial and like I don't have something that is mine.

I want to do something that becomes my traditions, something I do for myself, regardless of the circumstances around me. So I'm looking for ideas 😄

I'd love to hear about what other peeps here do for festive season, especially where it diverges from what you grew up with or is something that isn't just "spend time with family".