And before I bitch and moan, I recognize how fortunate I am to have a job and especially to be self employed. I know a lot of us struggle to hold down a job, and if I weren't self employed, I'd probably be in the same boat.

But goddamn, it's rough. The amount of stress and attention it takes being an attorney is so draining. Obviously I don't share with my clients the fact that I have bipolar, so they don't understand when I may take a couple weeks to get to something. I'm lucky in that I have a lot of great clients and I'm able to fake good bedside manner when I'm screaming inside.

I support my family and we live in SoCal, so it ain't cheap. I have to work a lot to keep the money coming in. That's the one downside to being self-employed - you take a day off, it means no money came in that day.

I'm a dad, so when I get home my two boys want to play and wrestle and so I've got to muster the energy to do that after a long day at the office.

Again, I recognize how fortunate I am to have a job, a family, a home. I was reluctant to post this for fear of people saying fuck you, you've got it good. I know I've got it good. I feel like, what the hell did I do to deserve this when so many struggle and have less.

It's just, the amount of energy it takes to maintain all of this, especially when going through a depressive episode, feels insurmountable at times. When I'm manic, it's obviously a lot easier, and I miss being manic because of that.

No one in my small circle understands the difficulties of having bipolar and trying to lead a normal life. I'm hoping some of you may understand. I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks.

I’m sitting in a Walmart parking lot desperately fighting the urge to just start driving and see where the roads take me. I need another change of pace I need to run. I’ve got half a tank of gas and pto to use. That could get me a state away in no time. It’s like a panic feeling that I need to go somewhere anywhere but here

Good evening, I just wanted to share a little, because I’m feeling good about myself and I hope others are feeling great about their own progress.
I’m about 3 months clean, after 20 years, and finally taking things seriously with my bipolar 1. For the first time in a very long time, I feel confident and in control of my own emotions. Started taking medication and sticking to my routine. I’ve been on that rollercoaster before, plenty of times, as we all might of have. But this time, I found the right combination and not only that, I’m using coping skills that don’t involve self medicating. It’s amazing what a simple deep breathing can do. I’m 34 and I feel amazing. I still have a lot of work to do, but never before have I felt this wonderful about my future. Though I haven’t posted or interacted in a very long time, I’m very grateful for this group. This isn’t even half my story, but I just wanted to spread some positivity and share my gratitude, new outlook on life and overall just in a sharing mood. I love all of you and I hope you’re all having a good day.

dating while having bipolar can feel impossible sometimes. but it takes the right partner and patience. you have to have full communication. even if opening up is hard and you have avoidant tendencies. in order to grow and heal as a person, you need to sit in your pain & let it consume you. cry cry cry. think. journal. read. anything. do something to occupy yourself. once you find love within yourself you will find the right one for you and you will want to do your best. you will want to heal and do well for them, as their lover. the right person will never doubt you. you need to find someone who can sit with your pain and you guys can talk and open up. find comfort and peace with your person. don’t be negative and dishonest with yourself.

you can only get better if you strive to be better. if you yearn for more, love yourself so you can love others.

be kind to yourself

In my last year of law school ... right on the edge between being able to get a good job and a mediocre job and this exam probably decided it in favor of the latter.

I am having such awful thoughts right now. I'm crying in a computer lab because I'm scared to be on my own. I feel sick and my head hurts.

I had an appointment with my psych last week and we decided to increase my mood stabilizer because I had been struggling a lot the last few months. I also take a controlled sleep aid and a year ago my doctor wrote me a small prescription for a controlled medication for anxiety/panic attacks.

Due to how bad things have been the last 2-3 months, I’ve had to take the anxiety med more than I had at any point during the rest of the year and I was running low. I asked if I could refill that and my doctor appeared really irritated and asked if I drank alcohol (I don’t, but have a history of that in the past. She is aware of that, but I’ve expressed in the past that my continued sobriety from alcohol is one of the most important things to me.) She ended up sending a refill, but I wish we could have just had a discussion about it because I don’t want to take it if she isn’t on board. Idk if I should mention it when I see her again next month.

Also! I had a bad experience at the pharmacy. I’ve never had an issue before. I called in and went to pickup my sleep aid and the girl over the phone and at the counter was someone I’d never dealt with. I did the usual deal and gave her my license and they usually just look at it scan and give it back. She stared at it for what must have been a minute and a half. I deal with really bad social anxiety and I struggle with eye contact, so I definitely seemed nervous I’d say. She gave my license back and asked if I had any questions for the pharmacist and I said no I’m good. She then proceeded to aggressively pull the paperwork and staple it to the bag and shove it to me.

I’ve always taken my meds as prescribed and never refilled early. I’m very frustrated and almost wish I was never put on controlled medications in the first place because now I’m dependent on the sleep aid at the very minimum.

I’m very frustrated with this entire ordeal and just would really like someone else’s perspective on this.

Thank you

Hey there 👋

27 M, Been seeing a new therapist the last few months who I really enjoy after years without going to therapy. Just started medication for Bipolar 2 about a month ago and started to get inclined to research about BPD symptoms and how it can relate to my case and decided to talk to my therapist about it and how it can look at my recent session. We sat down and talked about it and she went down a list and asked me questions. Ended up with saying how she is a little puzzled but still feels confident about me still having Bipolar vs BPD due to some of recurring symptoms and past episodes only really being explained due to the Hypomania.

She did say that if I was in a place to start treatment as a teenager I would have probably been initially diagnosed with BPD but as I've grown into adulthood my symptoms have been able to "stabilize" the older Ive gotten and what I experienced as a teenager shows the set up for a bigger diagnosis, if that makes sense. I'm paraphrasing from what I remember. She didn't think I had enough boxes checked for it to be put on my chart as an official diagnosis but that I could have BPD tendencies.

She did reinforce that it does take multiple sessions to tease it out and that a lot of it overlaps with both BPD and Bipolar. She is the 3 rd therapist to tell me I'm Bipolar in the past 5 years and I'm not discrediting her or any of the past ones, I'm just a little confused and "lost" for lack of better words on how to process and handle this newer information. Anyone able to just shed some insight or words?

I'm coming down from a what I assume was a mixed episode. I was also on an extended stint of not taking my meds. During this episode I began talking to this guy that I really liked, but considering I was in and out of taking my meds the start of our relationship was less than ideal. I ghosted him, blocked him, and would constantly dodge any questions he asked me. After about two to three weeks of consistency and trying to mend what we had he began spending time at my place. When we were ordering food on his phone I snooped and saw my contact name.

I'm in the wrong, so I can't say that I don't deserve it, but it did help me decide to take time to be single and focus on my mental health.

Lately my sleep had been reduced and my mood elevated so I know I need to keep an eye on that. some irritability is finally getting a little better. Only problem is my memory had been super bad lately. I don’t remember how ingot to work most days. Like completely dissociated thru the entire drive or something. Same happens some days just during the work day. It’s like everything is going fine but I’m just coasting and they days are just passing without me even noticing. It’s already almost November and to me it feels like it’s only been a couple weeks since August ended. Time is going so fast. I’ve also had a lot of issues with understanding what is being said to me. I’ll listen (intently I’ll add) to what my boss is telling me to do but it’s like I spaced out and hear something different from what he said and usually get my mind set on whatever the hell I heard vs what he actually said.

But yeah idk really what’s happening anymore. If any of yall have suggestions that’d be appreciated

I was w my ex for 3-4 years and towards the end I was absolutely horrible but this is around the time I started getting diagnosed. Flash forward 1 1/2 years later and the breakup is just now hitting me as I thought avoiding it was healing.

I can’t stop ruminating and thinking about it and it’s making me sad. I feel like i’m over obsessing over it and I know it’s over but I just can’t wrap my brain around it. It feels like it happened yesterday. Any tips to help and be better? Or will I just feel it forever? I don’t want to be a crazy ex and I feel like I’ve been hung up on it while they’ve completely moved on.

Anything helps please.

i’ve been doing really well then all of the sudden work went to shit and now everything is falling apart. i’m a vet tech and love my job but get along w my boss and 2 coworkers maybe 45% of the time. i’m so exhausted all the time and just perpetually pissed. i have a new ish relationship of almost 5 months and im having such a hard time with dissociation that i can’t remember if we’re doing well most of the time bc i can only think in the moment and lose all sight of stability. i feel like a black hole and i have no one to talk to when things are going down anymore. my boyfriend has soooo many friends and i just feel jealous which isn’t helping the pissy part. i’m so alone and i don’t want to keep talking to him about it bc it’s annoying. i just want to disappear i can’t handle this. i don’t know what i want from posting this , maybe reassurance or people that relate. i don’t know what to do. i’ve been taking my meds and honestly if i’ve forgotten some i don’t even remember. i’m stuck in a daze of intense emotions

Lately I’ve been feeling a restlessness that makes me want to move across the country and change my career completely. I’ve started an online program for the new career and it should take until May to finish.
I’ve felt a restlessness to move before and I did move states, but that was connected to a mood episode. I don’t feel like I’m in an episode & im sleeping well.
I want to just be content where I am, but the restlessness I feel is anything but content.
Could this be Akathisia or restlessness caused by medication? Has anyone experienced and overcome this before? Every day feels unbearable and I’m ready to jump ship.

anyone who's in college how do you manage your studies with your mental helath? it's effecting me extremely bad and idk what to do or how to continue this, one bad exam and it feels like everything is out of mt control and it really does effect me horribly.

i just wanna learn how did you manage to get your degree without losing the progress you made mentally. is there anyone studying med/engineering that has few tricks to manage it?

I’ve been diagnosed for about 10 months now. Over the course of this time I went through a manic episode into psychosis entered the hospital. Got out of the hospital and got diagnosed. Started my recovery journey. Eventually got a job applied to go to college. I made plans to move out. Ended up in the hospital again. College has been really rough. The classes themselves and the roommates that I sadly chose to live with. I’m in the middle of trying to move right now and get out a bad situation that’s weighing on my mental health and physical health and my schooling. I don’t feel like my brain is working to the full capacity it used to before. I know that you can get brain damage from manic episode and just managed bipolar symptoms. Should I try to go back to the basics? Maybe do just have a job and work on some of my passion projects when I come to want to. Or should I go part-time at school and still stay in it and get a job so I can pay for school? Should I stay full-time and keep pushing? What do I do? Do I just do nothing for a while. Help would be much appreciated.

Sorry if this is the wrong flair, I'm usually a lurker. I mostly just need peer (not medical) advice/reassurance. Might be a bit triggering for mania.

I've been diagnosed with bp2 for I think 4 years now. I get imposter syndrome a lot and try to convince myself out of my disorder, wondering if it's just my OCD playing tricks on me (ironically, it's probably the OCD trying to convince me out of it. Haha). Recently, I have been struggling with intense euphoria, risky and impulsive behavior, and other hypo/manic symptoms. However I've also been having episodes during this state where I start mildly hallucinating, developing delusions, and having extreme paranoia. I usually am able to, even in the moment, realize what I'm thinking/experiencing isn't real, but I still get worked up in my head with "what if's".

The episodes last about a day or so before I pass out a couple times because I've worked myself up into exhaustion and wake up slightly better. It takes a couple sleeping episodes for me to wake up feeling like myself (or, rather, like myself during a hypo/manic (????) state). On top of naps, I also sleep 6-8 hours at night.

These episodes feel weird and I haven't experienced them nor heard of them before. Has anyone else experienced this (sleeping while manic)? Or gotten these sorts of episodes before while hypomanic?

I told my therapist about the first episode but have been hesitant to reach out to my psychiatrist. However, I absolutely will be reaching out to her today to schedule an appointment and a possible med change.

I'm a bit scared honestly, which is why I've turned to asking you all to see if someone knows what this could be. I don't want the episode to happen again, but this is the second one in the span of a week.

I'm very sorry for the word vomit!

I have cyclothymia and I'm also in undergrad and tbh it's really hard to manage when I feel cognitively fucked every other week. My swings are usually pretty mild, but still affect me cognitively to the point I can't even form thoughts anymore. Idrk what to do about this cuz it's mild enough to where I don't need meds (provider told me this and I always have the option to go on meds if I feel it's necessary). I also have adhd and all sorts of other shit so it's probably just a weird cluster fuck of everything influencing each other. Just annoying because I swing pretty constantly, so I always feel kind of impaired in some way.

My period just ended and I'm going through a bout of extreme mania. Usually if you were to ask me if I prefer the depression stage or the mania I'd always tell you that I way more enjoy mania.

BUT this time my mania is so manic that it is making me feel like my brain is literally over reacting and in hyper drive? Like I'm SO manic I can feel my brain almost twitching?

It's super uncomfortable and stressing me out, is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

Were you officially diagnosed? If so, who made the diagnosis? Do you manage with medication and is it helpful (not looking for suggestions of which meds so please don't share that)?

I know these are comorbidities, and I think I may need to start asking for support surrounding ADHD. If anyone has easy to access resources to share I'd be grateful to look into them. I'm also curious about if medication helps, or if it can be managed through strategies and other means.

does anyone else struggle with seasonal depression? my psych said it’s pretty common for those with bipolar. it happens to me every year and i dread it. i feel like i completely lose myself until the spring.

is there anything you do that helps? i’m trying to stay ahead of it this year to hopefully make it more manageable. my meds have been adjusted, so hopefully that will also help. i’m open to any suggestions or advice!

Hello, I know we aren’t allowed to mention our exact meds here but ladies, have you had meds stop your period? My gynecologist said it’s from weight gain post pregnancy but I don’t think that’s true because I was still getting a period months ago before my meds were updated. Does anyone know if meds can stop your period? If so, did anyone have success getting it back? I’m unsure if I’m ovulating or not and I may want to have more children someday.