Kia ora everyone. I'm Nepali living in New Zealand, but I'm brown and a lot of Nepalis look similar to Indians, so people just assume I'm Indian. then come the jokes, stereotypes, and sometimes straight-up abuse.

it's exhausting being targeted for how I look while nobody even bothers to ask where I'm actually from.

Any other Nepalis (or sOuth Asians in general) in NZ going through this? How do you deal with it? Would really appreciate advice or just knowing I'm not alone.

Edit: To clear up some confusion, I'm NOT saying Nepalis are better than Indians. I have Indian friends and nothing against Indians. Being mistaken for Indian isn't the issue. The issue is people mocking me with slurs and stereotypes because of how I look, and that's wrong no matter who it's aimed at. I only mentioned being Nepali because people often assume where I'm from without asking

• Cannabis
• MDMA
• Psilocybin
• Ketamine

I know it's not technically summer yet, but it's close enough that I'm already feeling it. Anyone else just absolutely loathe this time of year?

When so many people are going out, going on holiday, down to the beach, just enjoying the weather or whatever, I can't help but feel like the odd one out. The very atmosphere of summer puts me in a weird, real melancholy mood that I just can't seem to shake no matter what I do. Every year without fail. I try to engage with my friends, workout, follow my usual routine, but for some reason I just feel down and irritable and want to lie down in the dark and be alone until autumn comes back around.

I feel so much more emotional yet somehow numb at the same time. Christmas on top of it just makes the whole thing worse. Don't know what's wrong with me honestly.

I don’t think people talk enough about the loneliness that can come with being an immigrant.
I moved to New Zealand alone when I was 16. I’m 30 now and objectively I have a really good life here. I have a job I love, hobbies that bring me joy and some genuinely great friends. Most of the time I’m happy and I’m very grateful for the life I’ve built.
But every now and then, this wave of loneliness hits me.
I think being single while also not having family around takes its toll in a way that’s hard to explain. A lot of my friends can go see their parents, siblings, grandparents, have Sunday dinner with family, or just have somewhere to “go home” to. And when you don’t have that, sometimes you realise just how much of life you’re doing on your own.

It probably hits harder when you didn’t have the most caring or close biological family to begin with. I think there’s a particular kind of grief in knowing that even though you’ve built a good life for yourself, you don’t really have that automatic sense of belonging or a family home to fall back on.

It’s not something I hear immigrants talk about very often. There’s lots of conversation about missing home, culture, food, language etc, but not so much about what it feels like years later when this is your home, yet your family isn’t here.
Curious to hear from other immigrants in NZ, especially those who’ve been here for a long time. Do you ever feel this way? And how do you deal with it?

of course i am glad i'm getting help but me and my parents had to go looking ourselves, 4 years after i was officially diagnosed

Anyone else been hit hard by the Sunday scaries/Sunday blues particularly hard this evening? I’m a stay at home mum and have never been hit so hard with this feeling of impending doom with the week ahead. Would love to feel less alone in this 😬🫠

I'm mid-thirties F and I just want to vent /get advice? I'm not sure. Is anyone else in the same boat?

Long story short: High achiever at school, everything came easy to me, never learned how to actually study hard or stick at something. Had a bunch of dead-end jobs retail, libraries, hospo. Dropped out of uni at first because of cancer diagnosis and finally went back to study midwifery in mid 20s, found out it wasn't right for me, finished my degree. Now have a Bachelor of Health Science that is 10 years old and hasn't even got me an interview for a health admin/reception job.

Still working hospo, have done a Certificate in Business Support (Accounting) and taught myself Xero and Microsoft Office online but none of the places I'm applying to I'm even getting an interview because I have "no experience". Have emailed recruitment agencies for advice and no replies. I can't currently do fulltime day hours as need to do school pickups.

Meanwhile friends and siblings my age are earning 6 figures in their management roles and I can't even break into an office junior /admin role.

The job market is cooked right now but what can I do ? Can I volunteer at an office to get experience?

I can't move to Australia cause I have a kid here but I also don't want to move into another dead end hospo job.

Do I study? I feel like it would be cool to be an environmental lawyer but I don't know if I'm that interested in actually doing 4 years of law school. Plus being back at uni as an old fart potentially wasting another 50k of student loan.

Uhhh not sure what I'm trying to achieve here but I just need to vent for my mental health

I’m 21F, turning 22 on Sunday, and I honestly just need somewhere to vent because I don’t really know what else to do with this feeling.

I’ve felt some version of “meh” for around 12 years. It started as an occasional thought when I was around 10, became much more consistent around 14, and by 16 it had basically become my baseline.

I’m not constantly sad. I’m not constantly angry. I’m not constantly anxious. I’m not currently suicidal and I don’t want to die. I’m still choosing to be here and hoping that maybe something will change eventually.

I just… don’t really care about anything.

I have good things happening in my life. I have people I care about. I’m turning 22. There are things coming up that objectively should be exciting. I can recognise that they’re good things and I’m grateful for them, but emotionally I’m just sitting there like… meh.

I don’t really look forward to things. I don’t have any real goals or aspirations. I don’t have some secret passion that I just haven’t discovered yet. And the whole “life is what you make it” thing doesn’t really work when you don’t particularly want to make it anything.

I’ve had good experiences and good memories, but even then I feel like I had to force myself to enjoy them. Genuine, spontaneous happiness feels like something I barely remember. The only memories I can think of where I experienced really strong joy were when I was under the influence of a substance.

And it’s starting to affect practical parts of my life too.
I’m struggling to find employment because I don’t really know what I want to do, and I don’t have much experience in anything outside of childcare. I have experience working with children, but honestly, I don’t feel like I should be working with children while I’m in this state.

Children are emotional. They need someone who can empathise with them, regulate their emotions with them, encourage them and actually be present with them. And right now my internal response to most things is basically “meh, get over it, it is what it is.”
That’s not the kind of person I want looking after someone else’s kid.

And then I end up in this stupid cycle where I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t feel motivated to do anything, I don’t feel excited about anything, and because I don’t feel excited about anything I can’t really picture myself building a future around it.

I’ve tried getting professional help. I’ve seen 12 therapists since I was around 10, and they’ve all essentially ended up telling me that they aren’t qualified or equipped to help with what I’m experiencing.

And getting further mental health support isn’t exactly easy or cheap here. Funding can be difficult to access, and when it is available it can be limited to around 4–6 sessions followed by a six-month stand-down period.
So I’m not really writing this because I expect Reddit to fix me.

I don’t even know if I want advice.

I think I just want to say that I’m tired of feeling like this.

I’m tired of knowing that I’m supposed to want things and not actually wanting them.

I’m tired of being told to exercise, build a routine, find a hobby, set goals, be grateful, look on the bright side, find my purpose, “you have more than others,” etc., because I understand all of those things intellectually. That’s not the problem.

The problem is that I don’t fucking want to do any of them.

And I’m stubborn enough that forcing myself to do something that every fibre of my being doesn’t want to do becomes its own exhausting battle.

I don’t feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t feel like I’m in immediate danger. I’m still here. I’m still paying my bills, feeding myself, doing what I need to do and choosing to keep going.

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do when “keep going” is basically the only thing I can do at the moment.

Because after 12 years of feeling meh, you start to wonder if there’s anything better.

People care about me. I see them worry. I see them not know how to help me. However, there isn’t much I can tell them other than “I’m fine.”

Because in many ways, I am fine.
I feel fine.
I just feel nothing at all.
I guess I just needed to get that out somewhere.

I'm an adult (22) in NZ and I just want to stop taking my medication. I don't want to get the antipsychotic injection my doctor has been talking about, and I don't want the antidepressant injection either. I just don't want to be presribed or taking any medication right now.

The problem is one of my family members looks after my medication because I've overdosed a few times before. I'm supposed to take the meds from the spot they get put in then consume them that night but I js put them in a drawer n forget. Have been doing so for a good few months. Not sure how long exaxtly sorry my memory is not very good. Please don't just focus on the fact that having them in my drawer is a safety hazard. I know that and I'm sorry.

I don't want my family finding out that I've stopped taking them. I know if I tell my doctor, there's a good chance he'll stop the prescription because there's no point weaning me off medication that I haven't actually been taking. Then my family member will probably ask why the prescriptions have stopped and they might js find out from there.

Can I tell my doctor that I don't want him telling my family that I've stopped taking the meds? Obviously I understand there might be exceptions if he thinks there's a serious safety issue.

Also stopping the prescription might be hard because my internal voices came back a few weeks ago, maybe even 2 months ago, but its pretty chill and that distressing unless im already stressed. I js wanna live like this for as long as it sticks around. I know of the risk of things getting horrid later on but that risk persists even whilst taking the medication.

I feel my doctor will try to push for me to take them (again?) and probably even moreso the injections cause obv i cant be trusted to take oral medication without someone watching me take them.

Again I js really cba taking my meds. I dont want a prescription and I dont want to have to go to my family member to get my pills or the hospital to get my injections.

Idk if this helps but I was never diagnosed with anything I js went through psychosis. Was told it was weed-induced by my Early Intervention team but then my current doctor thinks it might not be cause symptoms persist with no wred use. Tho weed does make all the internal noise way worse and sometimes extrenal noise too, mostly being car horns. Only externally "heard" a voice once and screaming a few times.

Has anyone in NZ dealt with something similar?

I reallt just dont want my family finding out I stopped cold turkey. But ik itll be hard/impossible.

Hi, I am struggling with alcohol tonight. I am a student. I've already contacted the Alcohol and Drug Helpline but I'm just waiting for them to respond. I just need a bit of support now. I'm not in crisis but I am struggling.

I am having a lot of cravings of alcohol. I have only had it a handful of times, but when I have it I just get so relaxed, I feel like myself. Because I have severe social anxiety it is the only 'medicine' that helps and that makes me feel like myself for a bit.

I've engaged in what I consider to be 'alcoholic behaviour' currently and in the past. A couple times I drank stuff that is not acceptable, like I drank that gross cooking wine that has all the salt in it. I also have made my own alcohol (wine) about three times now (I can't buy alcohol). I just started a batch yesterday. And I hide it in my room and then when it has fermented to wine strength, I drink a glass or two, or three. ALL I think about right now is how to get alcohol.

I feel like a terrible person. I just want to get rid of my anxiety because I'm so anxious right now. I did something so low, I fucking contacted my nana to arrange a lunch out for the sole purpose of getting alcohol (my parents don't let me drink but my nana is chill so if I go out to lunch I can get a glass of wine with her). To be clear, I DO want to see her generally, and we have catch-ups regularly (I haven't ever thought of drinking though), but one of the reasons is I need a drink.

We have alcoholism in my extended family, and I think I am going down the path of becoming an alcoholic. I just want some support. I'm sorry for the long rant/trauma-dump.

My parents know about the cravings but they don't know the extent of it (that I made alcohol). Even my school counsellor, mental health nurse, and psychiatrist don't know the full extent. Everybody is treating it as if it is not an issue but I know it is the seeds of alcoholism. I keep imagining myself in the future using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Like I can see myself drinking before class, taking alcohol to school/university, drinking after work, etc.

Tried to call the local mental health crisis team. Got and automated message saying I wasn’t in a location that could call them (I’m pretty much in the city centre?) so I called the Auckland one and got out though. Talked to the person who eventually answered and said I’m not in Auckland but the local one wouldn’t answer. She said she try and put me through to my local one which worked… but it was AI. If I wanted to have a conversation with no meaning then I’d download ChatGPT and talk to it, but I don’t like AI and would rather talk to a person hence my calling. Talked to the AI for maybe a minute before it just said it had other calls waiting so have a safe night and hung up. I guess it worked it the sense of I’m just more frustrated than anything about how shit our mental health service is. I’m or sure what the point of this post is, I am quite drunk and a bit rambly, but really? Putting what is possibly the lives of some of the people in this country in the hands of AI seems a bit ridiculous.
And yes I could totally be wrong and it wasn’t AI and was in fact a real human who just didn’t care about dealing with some very sad very drunk guy calling them but that seems somehow worse and I don’t want to admit that is what it was.
Mental health is a serious issue and I think that people who are experiencing the bad parts of it deserve to have access to help. I was put through the have an appointment with the mental health triage team by my GP and we made an appointment for next Tuesday and this week I got a call saying that we have to postpone it for a month. I’m not even sure where I’m going with this anymore - no doubt in part due to the alcohol - but I feel like i need to let off some steam somewhere. I will probably wake up in in the morning and decide that this is not important and just delete this post, but who’s to say.
I think that’s it. I’m going to go to bed now a bit more annoyed at how hard it is for people to find some help.
Sorry for my drunk rambling

I am addicted to pies and have at least 10 Big Ben m&c a week and have only recently found out how unhealthy they are.

What are some healthy alternatives that hit that same mince + cheese + tomato sauce + carbs craving?

Only weeks into rekindling with my ex I found out I was pregnant. Abortion was immediately on the table to discuss even though I expressed it would severely impact my mental health to my partner we pursued it anyway and I completed the medical abortion. I don't think he ever really grasped the seriousness of the whole ordeal.

I'm suffering severe depression , still cramping and am completely alone because he has abandoned me. Im considering calling crisis atm because he was my only support and now I have no one.

I really need some help

Edit: thank you so much everyone. You're all so kind and I really appreciate all the support. I posted just expected to have a space to get some feelings out and didn't expect to get much of a response but this is huge and really been so helpful. Thank you everyone.

In the last few weeks ive called easily 15-20 times to different helplines and around 4 or 5 hours total pf waiting on hold ive talked to a person all of twice, some hang up the moment i call, some have me wait for an hour for nothing, but whats the wprst is when i wait on call for 20 minutes and then the line goes silent, silent in a way i can tell someone picked up but doesnt care enough to listen to me or do their job

Odd request I'm sure but I'm looking for the best place to go and scream/shout etc without alarming people in/around Hamilton (I can drive but rather not go too far out if possible)

I'm a younger single mum and having a hard time finding space and time to process. When I lived out in bum fuck nowhere I'd regularly go sing/scream/shout to decompress and I miss it but I don't want to alarm or annoy anyone.

Suggestions would be greatly appreciated 🤍

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a lot of family, friends, and colleagues mention that therapy and mental health services to be crap. It’s becoming harder and harder to council others and recommend seeking professional help when I get a lot of feedback such as: “their advice was unhelpful”, “they seem to want to cover the bare minimum and get you out the door”, and “the movies make therapy look so much better than I experience”. I had a personal experience where a therapist told me that all I needed to do to resolve my anxiety was to loop my fingers in the meditation position and breathe it away. That’s all I got.

Are there any professionals here that might have some insight to what’s being seen broadly in the mental health space, and the results in clients?

I’ve reached a point where my job has broken me due to new management, much higher expectations (some feel unrealistic), and continuous changes.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager and can usually manage life fine, but sometimes big changes like this throw me into a spiral of despair.
I’ve tried pushing through by forcing myself to still go to work every day, but it’s all getting worse. I wake up in the early hours of the morning in high anxiety state, tense, shaking & terrified of the day ahead. The drive to work is a blur, I push my way through the workday while feeling like a jittery zombie while trying not to burst out with tears. I cry the whole drive home, take a calming/sedating pill my doctor prescribed and hop into bed for the rest of the day & night. I can’t enjoy tv shows, gaming, or anything that I usually would. I can’t stomach food, I’m just living on a couple of up & go’s a day, and sometimes manage a bite or two of dinner.
I’ve got a medical certificate for the next 7 days, but I really don’t think I ever want to go back to that job. Unfortunately we do need my income to cover the bills. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I just try to stick with the job that’s overwhelming me so I actually have a job (even though I can barely function enough to do it and keep needing time off for stress), or just resign, get myself better and try to figure out how to pay the bills with no money in the meantime

Feeling really fucking shitty right now and was looking to talk to someone but all the heathlines hang up before i can as much as begin to wait, its the same automated response, the samr "kia ora!" And then i get hung up on, i just want to feel safe. Sorry if this isnt appropriate for this subreddit

Field report on how the mental health system is chugging along. I popped into see the emergency mental health team after 7 days of moderate-to-intense suicidality. They rang me this morning, 8 days later, to offer me a bed.

If anyone is wondering why our mental health stats look like that… that’s probably a part of it. Two weeks is a long time to want to die before the system has room to help you live.

Kia ora r/nz,

I have recently been looking into applying for therapy through ACC sensitive claims, but to be honest, anything I could address through that would be ignoring the larger issue of a significant amount of lasting trauma due to physical abuse as a child. However, I am unable to find any pathways to access long term support for that. Am I missing something or is there genuinely nothing out there?

Nothing was reported at the time, except one report from a church leader to CYFs that led to a school visit, which I lied through to get them to go away.

Edit: This occurred in the care of a parent, not under any organization.

Any advice or direction is appreciated, thank you!

Sorry if this has been talked about before but I’m after some advice

I have been on jobseekers with medical exemption for about a year now.

Today I received a letter stating I could be eligible for SLP, I believe because my doctor ticked the wrong box or he felt I was not fit to work indefinitely. They stated in my letter they want a meeting with supporting documentation. Anyone know what these documents are?

Also I am quite happy to stay on job seekers with med exception until my health has improved, are you able to do that?

For reference I have PTSD, bipolar 2, generalised anxiety disorder, depression and episodes of disassociating and Chronic insomnia. Most of this stems from childhood SA by a family member. I have had a ton of work with psychologists. Also of note I have many physical ailments that add to my problems (degenerative disc disease, neurogenic bladder with recurrent infections) But my mental health is the main issue preventing me to work.

I’m after some advice

Many thanks,

To note I have not lodged a sensitive claim as I hear it’s a pretty awful experience

Hi all, fairly simple but not really. Is there anything we can do to get mental health help for someone else? Said person is not an immediate threat to self or others so doesn't fall into the emergency bucket.

Diagnosis is depression. Has been on stimulant antidepressants which made the anger worse. Sedative antidepressants have been better but not totally.

Gets set off by any little thing, reactive anger is always disproportionate to the problem at hand. Being around this person is like walking on eggshells. I don't think I have seen this person genuinely happy in years, mood varies between extremely low and maybe just above neutral. I strongly feel like the depression diagnosis is either wrong or not the whole picture, but this person is hugely reluctant to acknowledge issues. Is there anything I can do?

I’m 19 and in uni. Ive just been feeling terrible, getting progressively more depressed and progressively more anxious. Idk what to do at this point, im going to uni but the anxiety is starting to affect my studies.