i’m trying to understand what happened. my partner is so up and down with what they want from me. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster regarding them wanting more time from me, and then pulling back.

i know my partner has ocd. what i’m trying to understand is the accountability piece as well. it seems like no matter what i do, if i say how i feel that id get an “im sorry you feel that way, but” and explanation on how my feelings were invalidated. then when i expressed my feelings, they would be making assumptions of how id react to the next type of “conflict” which i didnt find fair.

they also seek to want to keep all their exes in their life, and can never give a clean break to any relationship. when we broke up, it was more of a “this won’t be the last time we talk” conversation rather than a “we’re done conversation.

we have also broken up before, and it was very back and forth about whether they wanted a relationship or just friends.

i feel really silly and invalidated.

I’ve been dealing with general intrusive thoughts about cheating and stuff happening with other people witch usually I can dismiss because they’re simply untrue and made up and not happening but then my intrusive thoughts came up with one I couldn’t really combat “ all of this stuff did happen just before you were together” and I couldn’t really deny that one this time and then “what’s really the difference between that and cheating “ and I couldn’t really combat that either I’m disgusted I’m not okay with the past existing and I don’t want to be i don’t know what to think I just get stuck in a loop “if it’s not cheating why are you okay with that” that’s someone doing something with my gf no I’m not okay with that “so why are you still with her” I can’t combat that what am I supposed to do I’m trapped 😭

Hello all, I’ve never posted on Reddit but I’m trying to make a discovery of some sort regarding potential ROCD being caused by my IUD.

Upon reflection, one of my relationships 4-5 years ago completely fell apart after I got my IUD. I was always seeking reassurance and always making mental tests to see if I liked him or that we were good together. This drove him away and we ended up breaking up. (Sorry if this is triggering.)
I am now in another relationship that I’m realizing I seek reassurance often, sometimes by subconsciously causing small/large conflicts that spur on deep conversations where at the end I feel closer to him… temporarily. Then I get in my head that he’s emotionally drifting away, not being honest, he doesn’t want to be with/wants to break up. Cycle continues…

This loneliness and ANXIETY is debilitating and heartbreaking.

I’m medicated for other things but I don’t feel like it’s getting to the root cause. Ive always had anxiety but I can’t really remember it being this bad. I used to really have a spark to me but now I ruminate until I’m a shell of a human.

Does anyone have experience with removal of an IUD helping with ROCD???

I have ex bf with Ocd and Misphonia, he always saying bad things about my face , my lower lips and my lip smacking. He always reading here in reddit or in the chatgpt to clear his head. If he find some post here that disagree to their partner, he sent it to me like his telling me to its ok to broke up when the situations like this.

He broke up me many times and also trying to find some girls to date, he didn't find one first , so he came back to me after 1 week. He said he going to accept me. After a month again he told me to broke up with me and looking again, he didn't wait for 24 hrs to made an account in dating site and looking again. He really didn't care to my feelings , he only think himself because he is here in the philippines.

After few days again he return again when he didn't find someone and believe in him again, we even went to the orthodontist and ask for advice, when we find out about this , he told me said he can't change my face. I felt so hurt, and my mental health issue also kills me, I'm losing my confidence. He find again another girl and bring It to his rented condo, they became intimate . After 2 days he told me , he will ask this girl to go home. Because she didn't like the body and he don't have sexual something to that person. I thought he will ask for forgiveness, he just said that he regret it but he don't really care if I forgive him or not, he won't deal with it, then he look again another girl in dating site , he date this girl for an hour, they had coffee. Etc etc..and this girl is just 20+ something, he is ( 39/Male) he always told me we had great connections , I check all those boxes he likes to a woman, but the only thing he don't like is my jaw, my lower lips and my lip smacking

The other day he was in the hospital to have a check up, I felt sorry about him and still care about him. I waited also with him in the hospital for his check up, because he had a fungal infection on his throat. We waited there like 3 hours. Then we went back in his place together, then ask me to go home even though I told him I don't have a place to stay and it's already late like 10:30, and when we tried to talk out relationship , he dismissed my feelings , he don't care about me, to my feelings and no more drama. I asked him to let me sleep in the couch, because I'm also tired , he didn't agree and got mad, and ask the condominium guard to let me kick out. I explained to them the reason I was there, but they said I didn't have the right to stay there. I understand it and ask him to book me a place to stayed because he kept pushing me to go back in my place , which is very late already and no bus that time.

Then he told me, he is asking this girl already to live in with him to know her, just like we had before..I can't take it . Its still hurt me so much this situation.

I’m not asking for reassurance, I just want to tell my story, express things and stuff.

So.. I am a cis woman and my girlfriend is a trans woman. This is my first time dating a trans woman. Her and I met 3 years ago but we made it official in January 2026. When we made it official, that’s when I first got ROCD. At first the thoughts scared me so bad that I would run from the relationship a lot. Now, 9 months later I am only having 2 intrusive thoughts. One of my thoughts are “break up with your girlfriend and date a cis woman” and the other thought is “break up with your girlfriend and try men”.

Sometimes I do freak out because I don’t feel certain things. Sometimes I seek and ask for reassurance about the relationship. My anxiety spikes sometimes like I’m going to panic.

I'm just asking because I don't have much experience, and the experience I do have is with ex partners who cheated and lied to me.

Being autistic also doesn't help as grey area is hard for me to interpret.

I want to respect my partner's boundaries, but I get horrible thoughts creeping in about him hiding stuff..

I'm not seeking assurance, I just want some general advice from people who maybe have some experience so I can put any negative ROCD thoughts down in those situations.

Thanks.

I haven’t been able to feel love for a very long time—not even for a fleeting moment. In fact, I’ve reached a point where I’m certain that I don’t love him at all. It makes me so sad; why am I like this? Why can’t I feel love? I’m constantly anxious, and there’s this heavy, uneasy feeling in my chest. When I look at my husband, I even find him unattractive—it’s truly so difficult. I’ve been struggling with this for three whole years, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else like me. Everyone else seems to be able to feel love at some point, but I just can’t—it’s such a struggle. I don’t know whether I should end this relationship or not

My boyfriend and I have been together for five months, and I love him a lot. I admire him so much, especially his passion for things. He loves reading, music, films, and discovering new things. Because of depression, I've lost interest in many things I used to enjoy. I barely read or watch films anymore, and I mostly scroll through TikTok to escape my thoughts. I really miss having passions of my own.
Being with him actually helps me, though. Seeing how passionate he is inspires me to become interested in things again, and little by little, I'm starting to rediscover that part of myself. I'm also going to therapy, and I'm improving gradually. My self-esteem is getting better, too, but not as quickly as I'd like, and sometimes I feel like it's still not enough.

I also get really tense around him because I admire him so much and put him on a pedestal. I feel like I'm constantly trying to make everything go well instead of simply relaxing and being myself. He's told me that he'd like us to talk more about each other's interests and that I could ask him more about the things he likes. I understand him, and he also recognizes that he needs to ask me more questions, too.

Recently, we talked about how my tension can sometimes make him tense as well. I understand that, but now I keep thinking he'd be happier without me, with fewer worries and less emotional stress. He hasn't said that he wants to leave me or that I'm ruining his life, but I feel guilty whenever I think I'm making things harder for him.
I know I'm improving, and I don't want to change just to become the perfect girlfriend. I want to feel comfortable around him, regain my interests for myself, and stop feeling like I have to be perfect to deserve his love. But even when things get better, I still feel like I'm not doing enough.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you stop putting your partner on a pedestal and feeling like you're not enough for them, even when you're genuinely trying to improve?

I made a post earlier asking for friends and I told ppl I was in a relationship and im not looking for ppl to flirt but I started thinking do I even wanna be with my bf and what if I had told ppl in the post it was okay to flirt. AND NOW I FEEL BAD FOR EVEN YHINKINH IT it even happened earlier today something like it and I dont understand why. Is this rocd fucking with me again?

how do you stop the ruminating for something that actually happened? this situation happened 6yrs ago in my relationship and we discussed at the time and have moved on from it since then. for context me any partner have been together for 12yrs (got together at 16) - this situation was I saw he was looking at insta model pages to his defensive I should not have been on his account as he was not aware. anyways we discussed and got over this at the time.

it was not something I consciously thought about until now which my ROCD seems to be latching on to.. what comes up is the questions of ‘should I have forgave him? can I let this go? land there is always feeling of panic that comes up. but I really want to let It go because we have come such a long way since then and the boundary has never been crossed again. why is my mind now latching onto this one thing? it feels really tormenting

TW: Diagnosis doubts, OCD invalidation, and relationship-related obsessions

I recently had an appointment with a psychiatrist whose professional expertise I had held in quite high regard. I told him that I suspected I might have relationship OCD (rOCD), but he categorically rejected that possibility.

He's a very experienced psychiatrist, and he told me that throughout his many years of practice, as well as all the years his parents spent working as psychiatrists, none of them had ever encountered anyone with this particular form of OCD.

He also said that because I had previously been able to cope with these thoughts without medication, and because the obsessions disappeared after I broke up with my partner, it couldn't possibly be OCD. Instead, he attributed my symptoms to histrionic personality traits, general anxiety, and mild hypochondria, suggesting that I have a tendency to constantly look for health problems in myself.

Now I feel confused and upset.

The thing is, when I was younger, I actually ended a good relationship because of symptoms commonly associated with rOCD. The anxiety and distressing intrusive thoughts persisted for two years, and eventually I felt that breaking up was my only way out.

Later, I entered another relationship that was also genuinely good, and the rOCD-like symptoms returned. This time, however, I managed to work through them, partly thanks to this subreddit and a CBT-based app specifically designed for relationship OCD.

Whenever things got particularly difficult, I found comfort in the idea that what I was experiencing was related to OCD. And the techniques I had previously used to manage these symptoms genuinely helped me.

On the one hand, I understand that mistakes and misdiagnoses happen in psychiatry, and that overdiagnosis and the tendency to prescribe antidepressants or other medications too readily are real concerns.

On the other hand, if what I experienced really wasn't OCD, I honestly have no idea what was happening to me all those years, or what any of it means. For some reason, I feel a strong urge to figure this out and reach some kind of certainty, although I'm trying to resist that urge.

I suppose, from a practical standpoint, none of this changes very much for me. Still, the whole experience has left me feeling quite unsettled.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing about other people's experiences and whether anyone has been through something similar. I'm also trying to avoid reassurance-seeking.

How do you even distinguish between anxious rumination about real relationship problems and the kind of obsessive thinking that crosses into OCD territory? Sigh.

(Suicidal ideation mention. I am ok though)

Feeling like I might have a false attraction (and possibly moral) ocd. The few friends ive tried explaining my true feelings to, they dont seem to understand. They dont find it that serious or think its a pesky crush im in denial of. I dont like sounding dramatic, but it feels like it's going to be the end of my life if i cant get help for this.

Tried to schedule a therapy appointment today, to see if i can get diagnosed with something or just get help with this. They said my doctor never sent the referral for me. Ive been waiting for hours for a callback but they close in 30 minutes.

The whole thing and my feelings just feel so overwhelming and distressing and i cant be sure how much more i can handle

If anyone understands what im going through or maybe has advice? Id really love to talk and id appreciate it.

over 9 years together with my boyfriend and I still have these dreams. they have been happening for at least a few years. one time I even said the name of another guy in my sleep. some dreams involve people I know, some do not. I do not generally have contact with these people. though during a break in my relationship I did reach out a person who is frequently in these dreams.

Life stress has caused me to fall into a nasty depressive episode. I had been doing so well for a while. The best I've ever done. Life felt worth living.

I knew my OCD was flaring-up from the stress. Themes were louder and harder to manage. I even noticed my ROCD worsening.

In the past, I didn't struggle much with questioning if I truly like my partner. Unrelated to OCD, but I have deep seeded abandonment issues that make it extremely hard to become fully emotionally attached to someone. I can love and care about someone but if they one day left my life I would simply move on as if nothing happened. With my partner (my first romantic relationship], I have been working hard to open myself up to the emotional intimacy of loving fully enough that I can experience the fear of abandonment.

I was making good progress, but life stress followed by this depressive episode has made me struggle really fucking hard with feeling any positive emotions. I don't feel that love I used to.

Sadly, I think it's not fully in my head. We are long distance and he doesn't really flirt with me anymore. Maybe it's the difference between how most men and women are socialized here, but a close and intimate relationship doesn't constitute a romantic one for me. That's just a friendship. I need to feel desired to feel romance. His libido has been non existence most of the relationship. It's hard going from feeling sexy and desired to nothing. Especially when you're in a depressive episode.

hi all, this is my first post here so i’m sorry if i do something wrong. i’m currently sat at my desk at work and i’m falling into that rumination spiral we all know so well. i’m not looking for any advice or anything, i just need this out of my head so that i can concentrate.

today is my boyfriend and i’s two year anniversary, and i am so happy and feel so lucky to know him and love him, but i’ve spent the past two weeks in a bigger slump than normal. i think it’s because two years is such a big thing. he’s my first ‘proper’ relationship, and he’s just the absolute best - but i feel like i’m overly monitoring everything.

the ‘what ifs’ are currently driving me crazy. i keep trying to remind myself that i know this is a problem i have and that i know that i love him, but i keep ending up on that winding ‘what if’. what if i don’t love him anymore? what if i never did? what if he’s cheating? what if he hates me? what if what if what if. the thing that’s bugging me most at the moment is how jealous i am of one of his friends in particular. he mentioned to me recently that she’s planning on moving to our country and my brain immediately started conjuring this wild vision that she’s only moving here so they can get together and that he’s going to break up with me. that’s almost certainly not going to happen - but what if?

the rocd has always been paired with that general feeling of being naturally unlovable, and he - wonderful, kind, caring man that he is - is forcing me to confront that i am capable of being loved. i just don’t feel worthy.

i ask him if he’s mad at me so often, and he always tells me that he isn’t and that he would tell me if he was. he also says that he’ll remind me of these things as many times as i need. i love him so so much, and he does so much to support me - i think some of the fear comes from the feeling that i don’t do as much for him as he does for me.

frankly i think i just needed to get all of this out of my system. i love that man and he loves me and all is well <3

Has anyone expierenced rocd in the beginning of dating? I've only been dating this girl for roughly 2 months and i had a rough start, then 2-3 weeks of being in love and then back to overthinking if shes the right fit for me. Is she my type? Looking for flaws in her. Will it last? Why don't i feel constant happiness like i felt with my ex? Why am i not as excited to see her? How do i know the difference between having rocd or it just not being the right match for me?

so i was doing well in my rocd jouney suddely i feel so weird i been doing compulsions nad i know this not good for 2 days straight and i feel so weird suddelyn mt brain is telling to leave my gf even deep inside i dont want too, i want to love her i feel so calm ant this is freaking out. Feel like after five months my medication stop doing effect and i feek evertyhibg again just no so intense, i dont understand. Can someone advice?

do you ever feel like you’re lowkey agreeing with the thoughts, urges, and feelings? like there’s someone inside you, i don’t know what’s the exact words to use.

like when ocd gives you an intrusive thought and you don’t try to fight with it. and you lowkey feel like your inner self is agreeing with it, then you freaked out thinking “did i just agreed with it? am i bad person, i need to confess right now”

‘cause it happens to me a lot and it never fails to make me panic every single time.

Good morning. I need to get something off my chest that has been causing me a great deal of emotional distress lately.
First of all, I want to clarify that I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but for years I’ve struggled with obsessive thoughts and compulsions that constantly torment me. I haven’t yet found the strength to start a targeted course of therapy.
Lately, one of the things causing me the most distress is the fear that I might be capable of cheating on my partner. I genuinely love him so much. He is always there for me, just as I am for him, and I can honestly say that he is the person I truly want to build a future with.
I would never want to hurt him, or cause him the pain of being betrayed. And yet, this horrible thought keeps creeping into my mind: what if I’m capable of doing something like that? What if I lose control of my thoughts, my mind or my body and end up cheating on him with someone else?
Everytime i see a man that i find attractive, i immediately feel guilty, everytime i talk with a man i overanalyze everything i say, cause im afraid he could think im trying to flirt with him.
These thoughts cause me an incredible amount of suffering and lead me into extremely long periods of compulsive thinking, during which I feel the need to constantly prove to myself that I’m not capable of doing such a thing, that I would never betray him, and that I can be 100% certain that we will never break up.
I would really appreciate hearing from someone who experiences similar fears, or from anyone who might have some advice on how to cope with these thoughts before I find the courage to start therapy and explore these feelings more deeply.
I genuinely need some advice, but above all, I’d love to hear from people who are going through the same kind of anxiety and emotional distress as I am.

A few weeks ago I met a girl through mutual friends and eventually started texting with her. I found her cute, especially being a different nationality. We went out on a 5 hour walk (1st date), then on a second date where we eventually cuddled for some time and after that, on something in the woods again. At that point it was somehow officially because we had talked about never being a relationship before, this being new e.g.. Suddenly, i got very anxious. I didn't feel that much good anymore. Like just the urge to withdraw because of that.

Stroking and holding her hands feels amazing, also other physical touch. when I'm holding her head between my hands and she looks at me, it's just different. But somehow this is so high stakes. a lot of people around here know us and if I'm dating, it has to be serious. I can't date her, cuddle and then pull away.

But I want a girlfriend!! this is what I always wanted...

In the past I noticed that whenever I get seriously close to some I pull away. usually because I find big deal breakers (big nose, split chin). now there isn't such an extreme thing. But I'm trying to find something again. Sometimes there's something flashing in my mind and for a short moment I feel happy again, but it fades quickly. It is hard to enjoy talking to her due to this. I then found out about ROCD and imo it fits it very well, sadly. Any advice on how to overcome this?

Oh, it's my first relationship.