I'm a 2nd courser. I got engineering degree before and now taking up medical field course. And yes ang hirap ulit mag aral after working for years.
Lately, napansin ko na may something about myself. And I don't like it. I'm becoming really competitive with my classmates when it comes to grades, exams or quizzes. Everything.
Whenever I get a good score, I feel happy. But when I find out that someone got a higher score than me, I feel disappointed and sometimes even annoyed. It's not just that I wish I had done better. There's a part of me that genuinely doesn't want other people to score higher than me. I feel good when I do better than them, and I hate admitting that.
I think my age and background might have something to do with it. Since I've already finished a degree, passed a licensure exam, and worked professionally for years, maybe there's an expectation in my head that I should be doing well academically. So when someone younger than me gets a higher score, I feel inferior somehow, as if they're proving that they're smarter or more capable than I am.
Sometimes, I also perceive certain classmates as being smug when they get high scores, as if they're showing that they're better than me. I know that might not always be the case, and maybe I'm just becoming too conscious of how I perform compared to them.
The thing is, I don't want to be this way. I don't want my mood to depend on my grades or on whether I perform better than other people. I want to focus on learning and improving myself, but I catch myself comparing my performance with everyone else's.
I also get frustrated with myself for feeling this competitive in the first place.
Has anyone experienced something similar, especially when going back to school as an older student or after already having a career? How did you stop comparing yourself to others and become more secure in your own progress?
I'd appreciate honest advice, especially from people who've struggled with this themselves.