I stopped drinking all together about a year or 2 ago. It wasn’t because I had a problem, it was because it made me feel like absolute garbage, no matter what type of alcohol I was drinking. Not just the morning after, but the night of. I get a terrible headache that won’t go away, and it starts a few hours after I’ve started drinking and goes through the next day. Started happening around 35 years old… I’m 38 now.

My wife and I went on a weekend trip with my in-laws. I’ve told my brother in law and his wife on repeat that I don’t want to drink anymore, but for whatever reason his wife always tries to force it on me. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll take a beer from her that she opened just to hand to me, and I’ll either walk around holding it all night without drinking it, or I’ll just dump it out. My mother in law is always trying to push shots on me which I just flat out tell her no which will lead to her jokingly talking shit. My brother in law doesn’t care and doesn’t try to force it on me, and I honestly don’t even think my sister in law notices that I’m not drinking. If she does, she doesn’t mention it.

After we got home we got into a bit of an argument about how I hate going on these weekend trips because I’m bored out of my mind. We basically sit around all weekend at a campfire with literally nothing else to do, and all everyone does is drink, while I get to sit there sober listening to hammered drunk people. I almost always end up just giving everyone the ole Irish goodbye, and going to bed early while they stay up hooting and hollering.

My wife basically said I ruin her time there because she can see I’m not having a good time… it’s not something I can really fake liking. She told me I should drink at these types of outings, so I can loosen up, and be more talkative, and I’ll give it to her. I’m not a talkative person at all. I’m pretty quiet, reserved and stay in my own lane. I’m probably even more quiet if I’m not in a good mood, or if I’m doing something I really don’t want to be doing, like this weekend trip.

This whole thing has me feeling some type of way, and I don’t like it, but I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong here. I basically have 3 options. Either argue about ruining peoples time because I’m not good at faking it. try my best to fake it while being bored to death around a bunch of annoying drunk people, or start drinking again to be more talkative and outgoing.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this, other than getting it off my chest.

Everyone here’s been on the receiving end of ridicule and judgement for not drinking, and the often-spouted advice is always to “find better friends”.  Why is the burden on the people being mistreated to remove themselves and why is the answer never “hold people accountable and educate them to not be dicks”?  If the so-called solution to discrimination is to tell the person experiencing it to leave, you’re never really addressing the real problem.  All it serves to do is segregate the victims and protect the perpetrators.

And I know it’s “not all drinkers”, but it sure is a lot of them (hell, I’d say most of them).  And even the “good” drinkers, they can respect my choice on a personal level but they’re still giving money to the alcohol industry, giving money to bars, still indirectly complicit in supporting the culture and power structures that continue to ridicule and discriminate against us.

It’s for this reason I don’t even like the old “hold a cup to fit in” trick.  Every time I’m forced to go to an event that has alcohol, every dollar I give for a coke, every clink of a toast I participate in with my coke glass, I think about the damage it’s doing to my fellow nondrinkers, abandoning your allyship with them all for the sake of fitting in.  I shouldn’t have to betray my principles to be socially acceptable.  And what does that say about the society in general?  Maybe it’s a society that shouldn’t exist in the first place. 

What's your reason?

Long story short, my decision comes from multiple factors: I'm on multiple mental health medications, I have a family history of addiction on my mom's side, and I just think most of it smells and tastes bad.

My dads side? Obsessed with drinking. A DUI family. I do consider at least one of them alcoholic. And he started drinking again after being sober for most of my life recently, and it's scary.

So you can imagine the dissonance I have with some of them. Especially my dad.

One day while at a barcade, I looked at the cocktail menu and found there was a mocktail option and I mentioned that I wanted to try it—my dad and sister laughed at me and told me I might as well get an alcoholic option, and that "one drink wouldn't hurt." That's what they all say, isn't it? "It's just one drink." That's what my dad says before he gets plastered, usually.

Another day, when I first told him I was starting a stimulant for my adhd (I was already on 2 meds for depression), he told me while taking his own meds, "I hate being on so many meds, it's bad for my liver," obviously hinting at me he didn't approve of the decision. Which is funny because... Well, alcohol is bad for the liver too?? And it doesn't do anything to help your state of mind unlike my meds???

Another night, while my sister and I were joking that I drank my dad's beer, he told me "I'm gonna get you drunk one of these nights" and I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. What kind of man wants to get his kid drunk?

Why can't anyone fathom that I LIKE BEING SOBER???

Alcohol to me gives people a lack of control over themselves. The kind of control I really don't want to lose. I don't need it to let loose, and have fun. I can and KNOW how to have fun sober. I think it's healthy to know how to have fun sober as an adult.

And I try my hardest not to be annoying about being sober. I frequent bars. I grit my teeth and bare it when everyone around me is drunk. But it gets harder and harder every day to put up with it when my own family, not some acquaintance or stranger, are the ones pushing for me to drink, drink, drink.

"It's just one sip," "it's just one drink," "it won't kill you." Just shut. Up. About. Drinking.

I like being sober more than anything in the world.

Please tell me that my descision to not drink is not unreasonable. I don't want to drink, I don't want that life. Give me the courage and the confidence to continue going on.

:3

https://youtube.com/shorts/KQzk088VOBE?si=8T9jEVaO4Hnb0kQM

Hello. I'm a 21 year old man who never tasted alcohol, for personal reasons. I'm not a religious person, nor do I have or need (and I think, of all people, the members of this subreddit will understand) a superior reason for just choosing to be teetotal, but...

There are moments in which I want to taste alcohol. And I don't think this desire in those precise moments comes from a good reason: it's not that I independently started to be curious about alcohol, but the fact that most of my social circle are to some extent drinkers.

I am from Spain, and in the culture of my country parties, drinking and staying up late are heavily normalized. To the point where you look like a weirdo or a party pooper if you don't drink some alcohol with the rest. This kind of attitude is specially normalised in people around my age and even in teenagers.

I know Spain isn't special in that sense and there are many other countries also known by their generally positive attitude towards parties and alcohol, but still, I believe it is one of the most keen European countries when it comes to that lifestyle. And I just hate it.

But at the same time, I'm 21, I don't want to spend my young adult days without socialising, it feels like choosing not to drink just complicates everything in the social spectrum here. And I don't know where to go, or what to do to find people like me. In my country we seem like a very pronounced minority.

The people that usually are considered "non-drinkers" here are the ones that only drink in special occasions (weddings, annual parties or holidays, that sort of stuff), but finding someone that is 100% teetotal and NEVER drinks (or has drunk) alcohol almost seems like an impossible mission if you are over 14-15 years old.

My point about alcohol has always been the same since I was 11-12 years old: it's a drug (accepted legally, but still a drug), it's an unhealthy habit that can become in the long term an addiction, and I have heard and read about people whose lives were gradually ruined by alcohol. I just don't wanna taste it, precisely because I'm afraid I will become more soft with the idea of drinking and others will influence me to do it until it will be fully normalised in me... I know this sounds like I'm anticipating way too much, but considering the environment I'm in it's a very plausible posibility.

As someone who just found this subreddit, I have to ask to you guys, how do I deal with it? Do I just stay true to my principles even if that means having a less socially active life? Do I try to look for other groups of people around my age that don't drink? Idk, it seems a bit unfair for those who want to have a healthier lifestyle the way drinking and partying is so bound to socialising in the college years.

Utility bills and food, these are the things that my family prioritized when i was growing up, there were no snacks in the fridge because the grocery is only used for breakfast, lunch, and dinner so there was no alcohol and softdrinks too. The only exposure that i had with alcohol growing up was through the uncles i encounter on celebrations that my family was invited to, they usually call out kids to do their biddings like buying cigarettes or asking to get their bar chow from the kitchen, then they will reward the kids with some coins. The smell would always make my face crouch because it's pungent, then i would notice their slurred words, their unfocused eyes, and the bottles of liquor and beer on the table and empty ones under it.

It was always strange to me why they consume something that makes them smell, groggy, and throw up with a splitting headache in the morning. As a kid who rarely gets fun money or can hardly save up from her daily school pocket money, it was just logical to buy something that is delicious (like softdrinks ofc lol). And that thinking i had as a kid was carried into my teenage years, we're still poor but we can now afford to add little bit of snacks when we buy our grocery but still no alcohol and i realized it soon after why the grown ups in my family not once include it in our grocery list, when it became my duty to make our weekly grocery run i saw how expensive alcoholic beverages are. Like the price of a bottle can buy you a several canned goods.

Basically the absence of alcohol in our lives wasn't because my parents were super strict (they're always busy, they provide but my siblings and i actually took care of ourselves) or religious, it's simply because we can't afford it, it's not a necessity. As we grew up and observed things we developed a strong sense of what are the things that we need and what are not, so naturally we understand that alcohol is a no-no.

But when i reached senior year in highschool i soon realized that alcohol can become necessary especially when you need to get along and socialize with your peers, it was a pressure because you're all living in a small city where teenagers use alcohol to feel more edgy and connected with the people from larger cities. They will invite you to go here and there and have fun but boy they wouldn't really treat you 😭 a lot of us are in poverty or borderline in that category, so it was a struggle at first but i learned to work around it. I will save up money so i can tag along but i wouldn't buy alcohol, i would buy the cheaper non alcoholic drinks in a can (the apple flavor) and it worked to really just have something in your hand and sipping while you discuss things with them but ofc you also need to match their energy like dancing and hype each other, so i was part of the cool group in my senior year wich really helped me build social skills.

But y'know, even when i started attending the university i still didn't try alcohol even though i have a larger pocket money/ allowance. My reason for not drinking wasn't anymore because i can't afford it but because i learned that i don't really need alcohol or to be wasted to have fun, to feel the vibe, and to socialize in a group settings. And i still held the principle of "If you're gonna consume something, make sure it tastes good" and now that I'm an adult (not yet an adult -ADULT) with a very much access to the internet, alcohol became LESSSS appealing to me, any curiosity i had in high school never resurfaced, in fact it completely distinguished.

So that's the reason why i never tasted a lick of alcohol in my life, does anyone have a similar experience?

Poverty was really a factor for me but i sometimes wonder what would happen to me if my parents were alcoholics? or turned into alcoholics because of poverty? I think I still won a consolation price in life despite the lack of affection from my parents because they truly held their ground for us, so we can eat and live in a house with electricity and water, they did something good by showing and instilling in our minds the things that we need for survival and the things that we shouldn't even consider.

(P.s. My family don't smoke, do drugs, drink, or gamble. We're boring like that, the parents are busy with work and the children are busy with school works)

I'm going through a really hard time in my teetotalism. Despite never having consumed alcohol or done drugs in my life, I constantly find myself wanting to do so. It's almost gotten to a need to at least try it, like I'm addicted to something I've never done before. I am fascinated by altered states of consciousness and so strongly want to drink or do some low-level, legally obtainable drug that will give me that altered state. The only reason I still haven't done anything is because I'm afraid of doing too much, having no idea what my limits are, and I'm deathly afraid of hangovers and such. I don't even want to be teetotal anymore, and I just don't know what to do.

23M in college. I feel pretty socially isolated rn and It's driving me nuts. I don't drink for medical and personal reasons so I literally have no choice but to abstain. Any advice?

edit: let me clarify that I'm not religious.

I am talking to someone who drinks on occasions and uses to vape/smoke 🍃 in the past but I’ve chose to ignore that because he makes me feel like I am not abnormal and like he gets me despite us having similar but different lifestyles (we both are homebodies, grew up with traditional parents and full time college students). My relationship with this guy is growing and I want to become a better person for him. I want to stop judging people for using drugs while being confident in my choice of being teetotal. Growing up, I saw drugs in a harmful way instead of just the average joe or college student doing them and being just fine. The rowdy kids who were rude did them, the PSAs and my parents who are VERY anti drugs all have contributed to my judgement. My judgement is also hindering my social life as I try to avoid people who do these things despite the fact that I may have things in common with them

Update: I should have stated that I am on the spectrum of autism + ADHD which influences me to have a black and white view on things, if that helps.

I stopped drinking at the end of last year - the hangovers i was getting even after just a few drinks just weren’t worth it for me.

Since then, friends in social situations have asked if i’m pregnant (but there’s a 99% chance i’m infertile so that hurts a little). I also have 2 hen do’s coming up that revolve around heavy drinking (cocktail making, bar crawl, bottomless brunches).

I’m struggling with how to deal with these situations. I even considered just dealing with the hangovers to make it less awkward for me, but i absolutely don’t want to do that.

Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks

Lifetime teetotaler here. What do you do when life throws you situations where a normal person would get culturally appropriate substances and absolutely wasted while wallowing in misery?

It’s such a normal part of the culture (in the happiest country on earth). Seems strange to have no non-alcoholic substitute coping ritual.

I was in the comments section of a YouTube video about people not having movie theater etiquette and someone mentioned about people smoking weed in concerts making it annoying for those who hate the smell and/or are allergic/intolerant. Some people had to defend weed usage at concerts saying to “get over it”, “the right of passage”, “it’s fun” when it’s an inconvenience for those who can’t stand it especially in a crowded tight space. If you really need weed to have fun, just eat some gummies if you need it that bad. I understand if people use weed for anxiety, depression or physical pain nor do I give a shit if people use weed but being obnoxious with it in public is making me despise it.

I am curious of yalls thoughts. I’ve recently opened myself back up to dating and hopped on to a dating app. The good news is that you can choose the never option for smoking and drinking. I saw that this guy I matched with is an occasional drinker and a non smoker. We started chatting. He said he doesn’t really drink often and prefers tea and Dr. pepper but mostly water. As for smoking, he used to do weed but quit cuz it made him anxious. I really like talking to him and tbh, I’d prefer if my partners don’t do any of that but I chose to be lenient if they’ve used it in the past or rarely drink. I just don’t think I’d be to handle frequent smokers and/or drinkers.

Basically the title. I (f 32) struggle with connecting with people since I was a toddler but this one here is a special kind of weird.

Everyday I am surrounded by people, I'm trying my best to be around people as much as possible. But every single one I meet at least smokes cigarettes, drinks beer occasionally or smokes weed. There is always this weird disconnect from others because they all alter their minds with all this stuff. It's not that I don't understand why they do it. I have been a smoker for 15 years myself, drank alcohol and took a lot of stuff that now I would never even touch again. I stopped all of it (and caffeine recently) for reasons that are very important to me.

It's always weird how I connect with someone and think that I finally found people who get me then it turns out they smoke weed or something. I can accept it and still talk to them after I found out but it still would be nice to have someone in my corner so to speak. I guess that for most people I probably come off too rigid or too judgy to be around, I don't know.

Just feeling lost at the moment. Maybe someone can relate.

I am profoundly triggered by mind altering recreational drugs. it's just so disturbing to me. i think being conscious is the greatest gift a human can have and to be not under control of your own actions is just the scariest thing one can do.

I don't think temporary pleasure is worth an addiction that has withdrawal effects and whatnot, even weed can be severely disruptive to your reward system and routine. It starts out as once a month, then becomes once every week, once every half a week, once everyday, several times a day. People think they are much more in control of their brain chemistry than they are, but in the end, we're all just dumb apes heavily influenced by biology. The only thing we can do to mitigate that is to stay away from what drives our body insane.