S/F/59. I plan to retire at 62. My oldest child of 4, who I had at 17, and my 3 grandchildren and I have lived together for the past 8 years and she plans to move away on the same timeline as my retirement. I have never lived alone in my life and I fantasize about buying a small house in the mountains with my dog to write, rest, and get to know myself after spending so many years focusing on the needs of others.

Financially, I can do it. My health is good, and the area I'm looking at would only be 2-3 hours from my doctor. I love a road trip, so coming into town for check ups doesn't worry me. I feel like this is my last chance to figure out who I am. Quiet. Peace. Doing only the things I actually want to do (after I figure out what that actually is). No cleaning up after others, or prioritizing their needs over my own. My daughter who lives with me says she's worried about me being alone, but I think this is her issue rather than mine.

Has anyone done this? Any regrets? Lessons learned?

Is there any reason I should NOT make this move?

Just curious. I feel like I’ve been grumpy lately and everything is annoying me. Should this?

I’m wondering how you all are handling the holidays without your spouse. When late October comes around the thought of holidays alone is unbelievably sad. I get invited to friend’s houses, but it tends to be a couple weeks beforehand so I’m always not sure if it’ll happen or not. I absolutely dread the thought of being alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. In years past I had a houseful of people, family and friends, and it was a joyous time. Maybe I’ll go back to volunteering in our local church for Thanksgiving day. Anyone else feeling the same and how are you handling it?

Hello. First of all - if this isn’t allowed, I will remove ASAP

I am just seeking advice from women who may possibly have any form of a previous experience similar. I’m keeping things vague for privacy reasons.

How do you walk away from your family business? My parents run a business, and when I left a job this last year because of some changing health issues I’m dealing with, they asked for my help because they just had some people quit. However, I’m now being ridiculed for my flare ups, I’m frustrating my parents with my health (which is leading to them saying some very harsh things to me in their understandable frustration and stress), I’m unreliable because of my health, and overall it’s a mess between them venting to me about employees they hate and employees asking me why my parents are so mean and act like that. I am just not the employee they need and I thought we had discussed that when we talked about me coming on to help. I’m stuck in a loop of stress that is only causing more health problems for me.

It’s overall insanely unhealthy for everyone involved now. I won’t get into past history, but there’s been a history with anger issues and emotional instability, and it just hasn’t been this bad in a very long time. I am truthfully interviewing for places far away that provide housing support and medical accommodations. So far, I’m just waiting to hear back from one location, but I could be able to leave this place very soon. I’m terrified to tell my parents.

How do I tell my parents? What do I do? When someone quits normally, there’s just nothing but anger and “they’re purposefully trying to screw me over” theories. I’m planning to not only quit but move away, too. Something they don’t think I’m capable of doing. I’m just really anxious. Any advice you have would be appreciated.

Thank you.

If so, what is your job?

I'm 61. My hair colour is very dark brown with about 30% grey and I think it would look striking (and be healthier and cheaper to maintain), but I work in a creative field and I'm afraid of being seen as old and out of touch.

My mom is turning 60 this year, and I want to get her a gift. The thing is, she’s happy by really simple gifts but I’m a college student, and don’t really have time to make/draw her something at the moment. She’s not really a materials or expensive gift person, but I don’t want to get her cheap at home spa products because that feels thoughtless. Any suggestions?

Hello, newly-minted 60 here. A couple of years ago I noticed the vertical lines above my upper lip becoming more pronounced and the skin becoming paler as it thinned with age. I have never smoked or drunk out of straws regularly so this puckering surprised me.

I've tried lots of different moisturizers, silicone strips, and even injections once. All the injections above my lip did was to give me a weird sneery smile (I usually have a nice smile at least).

Has anyone found anything that works? I have landed on nothing so far.

Hello,

For those who have both gender, do you have better relations with your son or your daughter in adulthood ?

Quick question — for those of you who have a kid who has gone no-contact, are they a girl or a boy? And what order do they fall in the sibling order.

I’m wondering if there’s a pattern; it’s my youngest daughter who decided she didn’t want contact three years ago.

So it’s the end of the year and I’m scheduling a lot of doctor appointments. Eyes, hearing, GI, heart, hand, etc and the list goes on. Cardiologist alone is 4 appointments. Initial appointment, stress test, echocardiogram then back to doctor. I get 3 or 4 emails reminding me of the date, 3 or 4 text messages reminding me of the date. I get it!!!!!!! All appointments are in my phone calendar. And I have so many I even have a AI list of dates and times to keep them straight. STOP TEXTING AND EMAILING ME!! For God’s sake!! Anybody else?

Who did you talk to for two hours about nothing? My mom used to stretch the kitchen phone cord into the hallway and talk for hours and I'd fall asleep to the sound of her laughing at something I'd never hear the other half of.

I think about this more recently. Even when I'm talking to colleagues it now feels a bit more careful, instead of care-free, and I think its cause of the implication that so many ways we communicate now live on the reality that its being record. Even online I read a lot, this sub and a few others, but it's posting at times feel stunted (im more active on facebook) because I find myself knowing whatever I say will last forever for any and all people to read. Old chatrooms weren't like that. You'd log on and just talk to whoever was there, and it was gone when you hung up , just like talking on the phone.

Who can help out with, where do you go for that now? Outside of your kods, a real back-and-forth about nothing in particular. Facebook groups, text threads, somewhere I haven't heard of?

​Hi everyone. I’m turning 30 soon, and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed. I needed a space to write down what has been weighing on my heart because it feels too full to keep inside.

Lately, I feel like I haven't really accomplished much in life, either on the personal or professional front. I’ve been an introvert most of my life; I tried hard to force myself to be an extrovert in my mid-20s, and it only led to burnout and depression. I feel like I don't even have any hobbies, and I certainly don't have the "hot physique" society tells us to have. On paper, I managed to get a bachelor's degree and secure permanent residency (PR) for Canada, but none of it brings me happiness.

​I’m scheduled to move to Canada in 2027, and I am terrified. I’ve already had to restart from zero multiple times due to moving around for past jobs, and the thought of doing it all over again exhausts me. To make matters worse, I have no savings left, and I’m completely unsure of what career path to pursue when I get there because I’ve lost interest in my previous field.

​On the personal side, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I’ve craved a deep emotional connection and the idea of growing alongside a partner since college, but it’s never happened for me.

​Because of all this, I'm stuck in a loop of heavy worries:

1) ​With no savings, no stable career, and a grueling move ahead, I realistically won't even feel ready to date for another 3–4 years. That puts me at 33–34.

2)​ Knowing myself, staying completely alone during those 3–4 years of rebuilding in a new country is going to take a massive toll on my mental health.

3) ​By the time I’m settled and ready, I worry it will be too late to find someone, or that having children after 35 will be too difficult, forcing me to remain childfree even though I wanted a family.

Any tips on how I can manage my situation or any reality checks on my situation are most welcomed. Thank you for reading.

I come from a dysfunctional Irish family of 7 kids, 3 boys and 4 girls. I am #6. Very close to sisters #5 and #7. I spent a lot of time in my 30's and 40's w/ sister #3 and her two twin boys. Went to nephews ball games, school X-mas concerts, etc...No issues arose between us that I was ever aware of. One day following my mom's death (15 yrs ago) I wanted to attend the boys high school graduation. My sister informed me that she didn't have the space for me and it was clear that I was not wanted. Ouch! I came to find out she ostracized me from her family for reasons that were never explained to me and I don't understand to this day. Sister #3 is prickly and difficult to please. I would not feel safe confronting her. I reached out to her twin boys and had some brief interactions but soon no responses to my invites or txt msgs.

Fast forward to fall '26 when I learned that one of the twins was getting married in CA. All family was invited even brother #4, (whom sister #3 doesn't like.) and his spouse; sister #4 (whom sister #3 doesn't care for), her spouse, their son and daughter with her spouse; sister #7 & her b/f; lastly my niece (from deceased brother #2) and her spouse, (I have a close relationship with this niece). It was a black tie event with over 200 guests. Being excluded was devastating and very painful. My nephew is an adult and made a conscious decision to shut me out. I plan on sending a note to my nephew expressing my hurt in a very non-threatening or blaming manner.

I think what has been even more heart breaking is that my sisters, #5 and #7 did not acknowledge this overt act of aggression. Wether it came from nephew or from his mom, sister #3. They never asked me how I was or if I was ok. I confronted them on Zoom after a family member book club, (I created) and addressed 'the elephant in the room'. They expressed little concern of their actions and suggested I get back into therapy or call nephew, or write him a letter. One sister even asked "what did I do" to nephew? I felt sooo betrayed and devastated. Now I am very angry. I believe they still don't understand how their lack of concern about me or lack of care effected me and honestly are not sorry. Our book club meets this Monday and I am Not interested in attending. I know time heals and maybe patience is whats needed here.??

Am I overreacting? Is my reaction out of bounds? Any suggestions on how to repair relations with sisters #5 and #7?

I apologize if this is extensive and TMI but I feel better just writing this out. Thank You all.

While looking online at A.'s latest dress fashions out of curiosity, I realized I've never worn a floor length dress. I never married, had a common-law relationship for 29 yrs.

As bridesmaid 3x, I wore above knee and 5 inches below knee dresses.

All other party and summer dresses, I wore above knee, at knee. No wonder: I felt a little out of sych with Anthrologie's many long dresses for petite folks like myself.

I'm 5'1", small-boned and slim. So near floor-length dresses or skirts would drown me unless it was slim style..that's my perception. Now in my late 60's, I don't think I even want to wear floor length dresses.

Have you worn near floor length or very long dresses often in life? ** I love fantasizing with A.'s site dress styles.

Hi! New to this community. Age 63. I am beyond concerned about the bruising on my arms and hands. Only from the elbow down to my hands. I’ve been to my dermatologist twice. Put on one lotion and two other creams. I see zero results. Just switched doctors and she is running a ton of tests. Only medical issue, long term hypothyroidism. I know it’s cosmetic but I’m so embarrassed. I wear a sweater everywhere.
Any ideas or suggestions?

Did anyone ever have to try and climb a rope in gym class to receive a presidential award? I never did it once, and it was humiliating in front of the whole class. I think it led to my fear of ever joining a gym until my late 40s. ha ha

This is so frustrating. I went through puberty late, menopause early and I'm still breaking out. Am I alone? Any suggestions? Thanks ladies! Eta: I only get one or two pimples.

Some of it I guessed correctly and some of it I guessed wrong. Our brother showed up on time bringing along a surprise guest - our other sister, who we also had a falling out with at the time of our mother's death - for the same reason, we discovered that she too had stolen from our mother.

So for background, there were 5 of us. Two who were found to be thieves and three who were appalled by this. Our other brother, one of the three of us who were appalled, just passed way unexpectedly this spring, so now we are four left

Two and two.

My sister and I got there early and took seats at a long booth. Our brother and other sister showed up and took seats in the booth and amazingly there was very little tension in the air.

It was odd - there was no catching up, no asking about our children or other aspects of our lives - we just immediately launched into a genealogy discussion.

Me and my sister are amateur family genealogists, our other sister less so and our youngest brother, the one who called for the gathering, knew very little until last night. He asked a lot of questions about people we've known in the community and how we are related. After awhile I began to wonder if it could be possible that he called us together just to pick our brains...but there was joke telling and memories shared.

Oddly enough these other siblings never asked about our brother who just died...didn't mention him at all. I thought it would be discussed. Never mentioned.

Money was not discussed. None of our children were discussed. Just safe family history is all. Mostly distant history - war veterans, migration patterns, where people are buried, US history, that's all. Those two were especially keen to hear me and my sister talk about our last 3 years of travel to various locations of significance in the family.

We discussed a bit of family health history, but not much. I expected them to want more info.

After a long chat of about 2 hours, we each paid our own bills and left. As we walked out to our cars, our brother said "let's do this again soon, maybe during the long Thanksgiving weekend"

That's it. I feel kind of neutral about the whole thing. I still suspect it's a way to smooth the path to attending and everyone enjoying his daughter's wedding next summer. Call me a cynic, but I have seen the dark side of the other two.

Also, our brother who just died? I miss him so much. He would have come with us too, but he would have been very suspicious lol

Thank you to all who provided their thoughts and feedback. It's a quandary.

Almost 60 and hubby is 60. We are planning to retire within the next couple of years, or if my employer does it for me before then. My biggest concern is the healthcare cost during this bridge to 65 when we will be medicare eligible. So i've been doing some online research, and the AI points to ACA Bronze. What plan is everyone using, and what pros & cons insights can you provide those of us transitioning into retirement? TIA

I recently went to see a dermatologist for a check-up about my thinning hair. While examining me, she looked at my hands and commented that my fingers appeared slightly swollen because the skin looked a little shiny.

I hadn’t really thought much about my fingers before she mentioned it, but now I’m curious.

Has anyone else noticed slightly puffy or shiny-looking fingers, particularly as they’ve got older? Did you ever find out what was causing it, or did your doctor have any thoughts about it?

I’d be interested to hear about other people’s experiences. Thanks!

I am 63 (f) Hubby is 64. Due to a medical condition my husband was born with, he has had to be on testosterone since his early teenage years. We met at 13/14 and then dated when we were 16-18 years old. Broke up and then got back together 33+ years later.

We both have always felt that we were to be together. Events and situations happened and we did not get back together until we were both about 50. After we got together and married he was more religious about taking his monthly injection. Things we pretty good in the sex department at first.

Then things started to change, slowly over the years. One issue is that we cannot and do not sleep in the same room. Due to his back issues he has to sleep in a recliner. He also has to sleep with the tv on and I can't sleep with it on. I'm actually ok with sleeping in different room, I kind of like my room being my room.

It seems that he has no sexual drive at all at this point. This is not his first marriage and his last one there was literally no sex for 7 years. It worked till it didn't work anymore and she left. Grant it, she was not a great person and had some real issues, but I can see how the lack of sex just got to be too much.

85% of the time, I am ok with it. I went to counseling to work through it and some other issues involving one of our adult children. He does make attempts to be closer, more intimate, because he knows I need physical contact. It seems I can keep it together for about 6 - 8 months and then the frustration comes through and I get angry. Which I know does not help. I have been better about communicating my needs (mostly just the physical/intimacy that does not have to include sex).

It's been so long at this point, I think it would terribly awkward and uncomfortable to even try to have sex.

I'm no longer angry, just sad that this season has come sooner in my life than I imagined it would.

We get along really well, I love him very deeply, he loves me deeply as well, it just seems the sexual desire/attraction is no longer there due to age issues.

I wish he would just stop taking the monthly injections at this point. I feel it just gets my hopes up that MAYBE this month something will happen, but I just don't see that happening. If he stopped the injections, there would be no chance of sex and I think I could live with that easier.

Has anyone dealt this an issue like this? I'm not going to lie, it puts my self-esteem in the toilet at times.

Anyone else hate their handwriting right now?

I (70f)went to a young lady in my town for a trim - my first time there. The place was packed, but she was getting them in and out in a hurry! When I got up there I saw why. She used the same drape for everyone, same scissors, same comb. No Barbasol anywhere. The trim was nice, and it only cost $10!! Srsly. But I’m not sure I want to go back. Seems iffy (lice? Skin diseases?). I’d love to hear what you all think. I mean, I did go home and wash my hair straightaway. Think it’s safe?