I've been thinking recently about how to help allistics understand the autistic experience. Especially the social aspects which are harder to communicate than things like sensory issues. This comedy sketch about airport security does a better job than I ever could.

Ask allistics to imagine their entire life is just going through airport security:

• Rules for expected behaviour are confusing, inconsistent, and applied arbitrarily
• Everything you do is wrong for reasons that aren't communicated
• Intention is irrelevant, you're judged solely on how well you perform the script
• Not following the script has immediate social cost that can cause distress for hours or even days afterwards
• Somehow this is all your fault

This is just another time where I'm still 100% convinced life is hopeless and undoable for me personally, but being in so much pain makes me want to lie to myself and convince myself somehow something can work

Has anyone ever struggled badly basically your whole life, spent years in an especially bad rut, completely convinced you can't function in this world or find a life that works and is bearable or even good...and then somehow found something that changed things?

If so, what was it?

I then realised that oh yeah. I'm not a loser. I just wish I was like everyone else but I'm not and there's no going back. It's just that I was comparing myself to everyone else and wishing I had what they had:

Friends

Loving, present parents

Romantic partners

Recognition

Respect

I mean yeah. I'm not here to shill or self promo.

But in continuation to the last post I made. I'm not a loser. I was just going through a depressing period. What I wanted was just friends and normal life stuff but I don't have that and maybe I'm not built for that.

I was recently diagnosed with autism as an adult, and I'm currently participating in an intensive outpatient therapy program for depression, anxiety, and PTSD, with some psychoeducation on autism.

I've been experiencing significant exhaustion and what I believe is autistic burnout. I'm struggling with everyday functioning, and one of the things I'm hoping to get out of therapy is learning how to live a life that doesn't require me to constantly push beyond my limits.

My treatment plan includes a lot of CBT and DBT interventions, including cognitive restructuring, challenging negative thoughts, opposite action, role-playing social interactions, and interpersonal effectiveness skills.

I'm struggling with the idea of these interventions because some of them feel like additional ways of teaching me to override my natural responses or change my behavior to meet other people's expectations. I've spent my entire life doing that, and I'm exhausted.

I recognize that these therapies can be helpful and that they aren't necessarily intended to encourage masking. But I'm wondering how other autistic adults have experienced them.

Have CBT or DBT helped you understand and accommodate your autistic needs, or have you found that certain techniques encourage you to mask more?

I'm especially interested in hearing whether your therapists adapted these approaches to account for autism and burnout and whether those adaptations made a difference.

I genuinely want therapy to help. I'm just afraid of spending more energy learning to tolerate a life that's already exhausting me rather than learning how to make that life sustainable.

I'm so tired of trying so hard to just get through mundane life stuff and severely ill just burn out. But I'm so "normal" and "capable" and so on. Any time I try to schedule some time off work (I'm self employed), I have to squeeze that work in some other time down the line. I'm taking behind on admin but by the end of the people-facing work, I have nothing left to put into admin. I barely shower these days, I disguise it with dry shampoo etc. I just cannot face it. The house is always a mess and I feel like I'm never getting any rest. Days are drifting by, I'm basically waiting for each day to pass and go away from me because every day feels so 💩. I wake up and I want the day to be over already.

I'm getting extra clumsy. I stub my toe all the time so have to wear shoes inside, and I spill drinks on myself daily. I drop things and i can't concentrate on anything. I'm tired all the time. I dread work. I want to be alive all the time but my poor little cats just want me to play with them and I haven't got it in me half the time. All day today I keep thinking how much I hate all of this.

I have about a 5 year cycle of burning out and somehow dragging myself out of the dirt to go again and then burn out again.

Is this all there is? What's the damn point?? If I shut down my business and quit working altogether, I become a nothing and a nobody. I cease to matter entirely. I barely have friends and I don't think the two people I *think* I can call friends will understand what I'm going through - also it's becoming harder by the day to articulate whatever is going on in my head in the first place. I don't want my husband to have the burden of paying for my whole life. And I am terrified at the concept of having an empty bank account.

This all feels so pointless and undoable. Like I'm not allowed to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to live in a cycle of misery like this.

Sachs Center has compiled a list of some great resources for autistic people. If you are having a hard time and seeking additional support these can be a good place to start getting help to make life more manageable

https://sachscenter.com/autism-support-groups-for-adults/

https://sachscenter.com/autism-support-groups-online/

I'm getting an autism assessment plus a full battery psych eval. I do have insurance. But I got to the week of my first appointment and the neuropsych office wants $1,500 down as a deposit. They said I might get some back after everything is processed by insurance, if they determined that I overpaid.

I do actually have the money. But my mom argued with me today, telling me it was stupid to spend my money on this, because I'm chronically underemployed.

Then again, she also doesn't think I have autism despite my friends thinking it's obvious that I have it, and my therapist of 3 years also thinking I have it (he's the one who brought it up to me bc of everything he had noticed).

I want to get the assessment because I've had monumentally bad burnouts 3 times in my life. The most recent one led to me developing worsened auditory sensitivities (which I had as a kid, and my therapist thinks I always had it but just mislabeled it as anxiety). I now need constant accomodations for it, even at work. And there have been other issues.

I could have become homeless due to these burnouts. The only thing that stood between me and that was my parents helping me. I find it ironic that my mom doesn't want me to seek a diagnosis that could help cover my ass later in life if I have an autistic crisis again, when she's witnessed me being unable to be independent my whole life (I've lived with my parents my whole life, with the exception of when I lived in a college dorm).

I also suspect I have some sort of comorbidity, like ADHD or a bipolar disorder. So meds could possibly help.

So I know that my reasoning is solid. But now I'm doubting myself.

For reference, I am approaching my 8 year anniversary next week with this company, have worked under the same supervisor that entire time, and was diagnosed a few months ago at age 39.

Also, my company provides homes and day services for autistic individuals ... HONESTLY NOT SURE if that part tips the scales more towards disclosure or more towards keeping it secret ...

Lately I have noticed myself having more and more moments at work such as stimming or being overstimulated, not realizing ive said something inappropriate to coworkers, etc, that seems to be a common experience with those who receive a later in life diagnosis as they begin to unmask more and more. But im already doing my own research on that so feel free to share you experiences around that if you want but thats not my main question.

TL;DR: Got formally diagnosed with ASD five days ago at 36, on top of severe ADHD and CPTSD. Guanfacine finally shut off the constant fight-or-flight panic I used to brute-force my way through life with—but now I’m stuck isolating in my apartment, staring at how small my actual daily battery is. Socializing is exhausting, confusing, and completely drains me, and a couple of basic tasks can wipe out half my day.

I’m not posting this for soft pity, validation, or advice on how to settle for a disability check. I have ambitious goals—I want real financial independence, assets, and a high-functioning life. I want to hear from other AuDHD adults who were stuck at this exact zero-battery baseline and actually figured out how to build success and income without destroying themselves in the process.

Hello everyone, so after reading u/Edgar-Allen-Br0 ’s post, I have realized introspection and posting on FB communities wherein most people just utilize AI generated responses, which is weird by the way to look at and read, I have decided to seek out assistance from those on Reddit. For reference if you don’t wish to read the entirety of my biography, essentially presently, I am dealing with a recent diagnosis at age 36, (approximately five days ago at this point) of ASD. Initially, I thought, that being diagnosed would bring clarity and resolution just like all the diagnoses before it, an idea as to what to do, a roadmap for the next horizon.

However, it was anything but, I bawled my eyes out, the night of went for a walk dealing with severe psychomotor retardation, and had a plethora of bouncing back-and-fourth, between wanting to end it just like I did four years ago, and wanting to persevere, unlike four years ago. Since that time I have been going through hurdles where I keep doubting, keep looking up stuff online to try and discredit my formal diagnosis that was done through a professional at an Autism center, after months of trying to get in to be seen. And it’s just like it was four years ago.

My current conditions are as follows: CPTSD, Severe ADHD (the variation that is only participated by roughly 1-2% of the population), ASD, MDD, BED, BPD (Borderline not Bipolar), GAD. Albeit I’ve been tossing around the concept that ASD may have compounded explanations for omitting GAD AND BPD, but the fear of abandonment still holds true and I don’t presently know if ASD alone would explain that, but the strained intersocial relationships I have with my peers, is no longer explained by BPD in isolation; GAD may also be omitted simply due to the confounding factors of ASD.

I have researched the daylights out of most of my conditions, I have treated MDD through Spravato and alternative treatments, the anxiety aspect is handled by a naturally occurring amino acid we as humans do not make naturally, alongside a multitude of therapy modalities (e.g., EMDR, DBT, CBT) to address the BPD, CTPSD. Vyvanse is the current prescribed treatment for my ADHD, which it works very well, as well as Guanficine ER which has been a recent addition only a few short months ago, which has provided substantial relief when it comes to treating the amygdala hijacking that is present in my CPTSD. 

Presently, I need to do considerable research into ASD, because my knowledge on it is extremely limited, my unfortunate initial concept of that issue was that it was primarily individuals with developmental intellectual disabilities that acquired it, I have since learned it is far more complex and nuanced than that. But I am trying to get sensory tools as I have realized bright lighting does bother me a lot, loud, repetitive and obnoxious sounds as well, alongside many others, but I’ve only managed to point to those specific things presently as more data is required now that I understand what is actually going on in my brain; Well, trying to understand. 

Here is my current issues without my backstory, which I will present in a separate post: Because I now understand what is going on, I am essentially isolating in my apartment, which causes me a shitton of sensory depravation, my ADHD is in a depletion swing despite my treatments, because those only go so far, being glued to computer screen all day and a phone, is sensory destitution. However, because I now realize I run on an extremely tight finite battery, I have to acquire the knowledge of what that looks like, because if I just “go out” and do what I usually have done, it will deplete my battery rapidly, and I’m unable to just “power” through it anymore. Guanficine has removed the adrenaline and overt sense of “urgency” I used to force on myself, (unbeknownst to me, since I never really understood this stuff before) and without that artificial boost, I am face to face with my very real, very limited, very feeling nervous system. 

However I recognize that this baseline is below my true baseline, because I have removed outside stressors and other factors that could theoretically “increase” my mental capacity, I have gone down to an all-time low. I understand my battery is finite, and I believe I almost have it down to a specific number, as I’m a very analytical/mathematical person when it comes to non-academia mathematics related aspects, but hour-by-hour I have the number in my head, much like a battery percentile on your phone screen. So I believe with more exposure and sensory tools, instead of lets say, a doctor’s appointment taking 25-33% of my daily battery, perhaps I can lower that to only 12.5-16.5%. Anyways I digress. My main contention is this presently, before I get into my history: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS SHIT?

I really don’t want a feel-good message, I want someone with concrete, I HAVE WAVED THROUGH HELL AND HERE IS MY SUCCESS. I do not want to be another statistic, I do not want to check out from reality, and I have ran though some filters regarding how to overcome this ADHD/ASD tug-of-war where one wants CONSTANT NOVELY AND NEWNESS, and the other craves anchored predictability/routine. (The filters have suggested interest cycling etc., but if you constantly cycle interests how THE FUCK do you maintain long-term success?)

If you wish to just post a feel-good response because you want to present some form of empathy I respect that, and honestly just hearing ANYTHING at this point sometimes is better than the void in my head. But when I see people say “we need to be on disability” (which I am, and I’ll elaborate in a different post), it just, that’s not thriving that’s just surviving, I AM TIRED OF THAT. I want success! I want to accomplish things, I don’t just want to wither away a slave to my mental health issues! Disability pays the bills, it doesn’t build a life, a life I am trying to accomplish more than just surviving! I spent my whole life surviving already!

I've always really struggled with empathy. Here's an example: I got a message from a good friend that another good friend had to be hospitalised and put in an induced coma. I didn't cry. I didn't feel stressed, and I didn't worry. I went back to what I was doing without really being disturbed by it, besides having to figure out how I was supposed to respond. I forgot about it, and when someone brought it up to me later in the day (I think they were worried that I'd be really upset?) and started comforting me, I felt mostly confused by it.

There's been lots of instances of this in bigger and smaller ways- not being upset when family members die, when a friend has a terrible day. Maybe worse is that I do regularly cry and get upset about things, like when a hive of bees I was beekeeping died suddenly. I didn't cry when my Grandpa died, and although I did cry when I was told my grandma died, it's because my Dad was crying and that freaked me out (I was about 13 at that point).

Whenever I've brought this up during past therapy the reasoning from the therapist always ends up being 'you're concerned about not having a reaction, so that is a reaction in itself' which is annoying, because that's not really true. In the moment I tend to feel more frustrated that I have to perform that I'm upset when I'm not, because it's annoying and a lot of effort. Which is objectively horrible of me.

I know that sympathy is a feeling of concern for others, but I don't even really get that. I understand objectively when someone is having a bad time, and I understand objectively that it sucks, I'm just not personally concerned about them. Still, I don't want bad things to happen to other people.

I have done some research, but most of what comes up is that the stereotype of autistic people lacking empathy is harmful and wrong. Some suggested that cognitive empathy is what's 'lacking', but that's really not the case with me from my understanding of what cognitive empathy means. I figure at this point I might as well ask other autistic people, so... If anyone has any advice or shared experience, please share!

TLDR: I don't really experience empathy. Anyone else? Thoughts welcomed!

new to reddit, so forgive me if i don't really know how to do this.

i know the default answer to this feeling is that things get better, and i do believe that (at least when im saying it to other people), but sometimes it really does feel like im beyond repair. or that nobody can help you but yourself and you just need to force yourself to do things sometimes, but im truly just... i don't know.

i make life so difficult for my parents. i took a gap year after highschool and got into--without exaggeration--the best university in my chosen field in my country. its in a different city halfway across the country from where we've lived my whole life and my parents decided to completely move houses just so they could support me while im here, without going through the hassles of dorm life. my dad still goes back and forth for work so my mom stays with me full time, and i can see everyday how hard it is for her to manage everything including the bullshit i do (all three of us speculate she is autistic too, just never got a diagnosis).

i thought this would make college easier. i even tried a different place last year when i was preparing for admission to this one, and i did live in the dorms back then, but dropped out after just a month and a half (and during that i barely attended maybe three days of class total). the environment here is decidedly much better--im in a creative field, so all the faculty is already wired pretty different and there's not really any pressure, but like i said its a top university so there's a lot of workload (maintaining their reputation).

ive started pulling the same shit i used to do in highschool to stay at home and do nothing. faking illnesses and blowing existing small ailments out of proportion (i have actually been sick a lot since we moved here, what with changing houses and everything, but a lot of it is anxiety too). we have a minimum attendance policy but its easy to sidestep that too (not without consequence because then your grade for the course gets capped at a B+, but i don't feel anything about that either). i do good work, but im obviously missing out on in-class lectures and visits from experienced professionals.

i don't have any motivation. i don't even have any joy. this university is an unachievable dream that other kids in my field literally kill themselves to get into, and i got it and don't even care enough to push myself a bit harder to get out of bed. my mom said to my face today that she thinks we shouldn't come back after the semester ends because i don't look like i actually want to do this (said in a tone that means she's upset about it).

i don't know what to do. we've gotten some blood work done recently and i do know that i have a vitamin D deficiency, which would explain a lot of this (ive been put on supplements but have only had two doses so far, so i don't feel much different). ive had a history with SSRIs (took them in senior year of hs when my burnout was really bad, but they didn't help either). ive been in therapy for almost two years but i feel like im making zero progress there too (doesnt help that my therapist is a basic counselor and not an ASD specialist because i started seeing her before my diagnosis).

im extremely lucky. i get insane opportunities through both my own skills and the fact that my parents and the people around me are so kind and supportive. and yet i choose to waste my life away in bed while my classmates are working quite literally 24/7 because this university is a place for high achievers. i know i shouldn't give up, and i don't think i particularly want to, but then again i don't know what i really want. i don't know what makes me happy, i don't know what gives me drive or motivation. half the time i feel like im still a scared, lonely little 10 year old kid and the other half i barely feel like a person. my old friends from highschool barely stay in touch because they have their own lives (they're all two years ahead of me academically thanks to my gap year), and i haven't bonded enough with the few friends ive made here to care much about putting in effort to keep them in my life. im already about ten steps behind them socially because they all get to interact in the dorms, meanwhile im off campus as soon as classes end.

i don't really know where im going with this. i suppose im asking for help but part of me believes that i just want attention and i won't actually take help because i secretly like being lost and unhappy. i hate being autistic, i really do.

Second year, engineering (robotics if anyone is curious). Tried to write this post twenty times because I have had trouble communicating my feelings. So I'll write it simply.

Fucking sensory overload man, and the people. I think those are my main problems. My lectures are always packed to the brim, sometimes up to 200 people. Stuffy classrooms full of constant chatter, monotone teaching, snively questions by snively voices just looking to stroke their ego., online mahjong or poker or soccer or Bloons Tower Defense on fifty computers in front of my eyes. I can barely walk in the common areas due to hoards of quick scooter riders and impatient mother-fuckers.

Doesn't help I am barely interested in my studies. Long lectures and long lab periods. Only taking three classes, which is below the "regular" of four per quarter, meaning I am not going to graduate on time if I continue this. I haven't joined any clubs because I struggle to interact with people on a baseline level, and per the mention of me not liking my studies.

With all of that said... I'm an adult, I'm a big boy who owns a car and holds a job. I do legitimately need to find coping methods if I want to achieve success. What are some things you guys did?

Hi everyone! Here is a poem I wrote earlier this year for a school project. I'm proud of my writing and would like to know everyone's thoughts!

Being perceived is exhausting. It's almost like being thrown on stage without ever being handed a script. A room of anticipation. Quiet breaths of unspoken expectations. Tight chest, fluttery stomach, and difficulty meeting the eyes of the expectees. Not for lack of interest, but rather to avoid the intensity of one's gaze and how it erases my scattered thoughts. I desperately grasp at the ideas floating around my mind, pleading with them to make their way to my mouth and slip past my lips in a tone pleasant to the listener. At times, straining my throat, willing the sentence to convince the listener of my joy, sincerity, or sense of support. Despite my best intentions, the raw emotion gets muffled and shuffles out, only playing one note. Another misunderstanding: I wasn't trying to be sarcastic; sorry, my tone can be deceiving. Maybe next time I will work on lifting my eyes into a smile or figure out the hand movements one makes when they're excited. Every social interaction requires fully orchestrated attention to ensure each instrument is in tune and playing the song the audience expects. 

Hi, any advice or tips on how to better improve that inner monologue.

I think running behind all my issues is a narrative of "I am not enough" "I am not good enough". This leads to so much self hatred and self chastising.

I have no inner belief in my ability to cope with the things in life I find very challenging.

How do I break that cycle?!?

40M recently identified as Autistic.

Five years ago I found out I’m autistic. Won me the ASD lottery, which landed like a verdict and then like the missing puzzle piece.

My entire life, to that date, spent trying to fit in, not knowing I was running a different OS. I’d pour acid on my own soul, turning my innards the color of beach driftwood, trying to burn out the bad code so I could pass. The thing that caused all that pain is the same thing I make a living from now.

Here’s what I mean. I never learned the unwritten rules, so I only see the written ones. I apply them exactly as written, to everyone, including the people who wrote them. That turns out to be a job. I file public records requests and formal complaints against government officials for a living, and when a rule says one thing and an agency does another, it bugs me in a way I can’t leave alone. People call it malicious compliance. I call it RTFM. Read The * Manual.

I don’t have an emotional dashboard either. When I do something, I have to ask someone if it was good. I’m not fishing. It just doesn’t register, or registers late, sometimes days later.

Also, for the hell of it, I think in colors, and have learned LONG ago not to bring that up at dinner parties.

Anyone else find the thing that made you a bad fit everywhere turned out to be the thing you’re built for? I’m curious how late diagnosis went for the rest of you.

I’m currently studying a short biomedicine program and when I’m finished I’ll be working in a lab analyzing blood samples and organ samples.

I don’t want to stay in a lab because I would like to work with the environmental community, so I would have to attaining a masters degree in order to do so.

The problem is that I’d have to go away from the comfort of having a routine created for me and craft my own way after doing so.

I feel like doing this takes an immense amount of intelligence, which I don’t think I have. I’m also autistic and I’m not smart or good at math, nor am I a leader. I’m not sure if this would work for me.

What do you all think? Should I just stay in the lab, or go forward. Please be honest what you really think. :)

I’m 25(m) in art school (I went back to get my bachelors after taking a few gap years). I love what I do here and I’ve really made a life for myself so far. I’m studying illustration and I don’t think I’ve ever felt passion for anything else. I’m the vice president of a club on campus that centers around tabling at artists alleys and art markets, and I’m working a part time job in the school library in periodicals. Last semester, I had a similar if not increased load of work, and while I did feel burned out at times, it never felt like I couldn’t get through it. I had plenty of friends who I could go to for support, even if it was just hanging out with them on campus to distract myself from my troubles.

This semester though, it feels so much more unbearable. A lot of my friends who I were closest to were seniors who have now graduated. I’m a senior now, and while I do have friends in my year, I don’t feel as close to them as I did my friends from last year. I don’t feel like I can just text them at random and ask if I can bother them at work or if their professor would care if I hung out in their class. My work load this semester also just feels impossible. I feel like I get absolutely no time to myself anymore, and it’s so exhausting cause I feel like I have to perform more for the people I currently have in my life compared to my friends from last year.

I’ve thought about dropping out of either my job or my club, but both ideas feel unbearable in and of themselves. I love being a part of my club and I love my job (and I really really need the money for groceries). I’ve been thinking about skipping a class recently, just so I can get a few more hours to catch up on things, but it always feels like a bad time to skip. I also recently started going back to therapy again (couldn’t go for a year and a half due to insurance troubles), and it feels good to have a professional to bounce off of, but this therapist is really focused on getting me to feel my feelings. And that’s great and all, but I can’t help but feel like feeling my feelings is the last thing I need right now, even though I know it’s helpful for me. She’s also been getting me to unpack a lot of trauma.

I’ve just been feeling so lonely and depressed and I’m definitely approaching an autistic burnout. It’s a lot harder to talk to people even if they are my friends, and I feel like I’ve been forgetting small details I normally can remember. I also had a meltdown in a private bathroom on campus yesterday, and while no one saw it, I still feel embarrassed. I’m not really sure what to do.

I wonder if anyone has any words of encouragement or advice? I’m also graduating after next semester, so this is my last year of school. I’m also already planning ahead and since registration is approaching, I’ve been working to make my spring schedule more accommodating to my needs and less overwhelming. I really just need to make it to the end of this semester and I think I’ll be okay. I just really need I guess some kind of encouragement to keep going because I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone at this school.

In August I got a job, but then I did quit just after 2 weeks because of some issues about me being autistic. The manager told me several times, or implied, that I looked slow/stupid and told me that I needed to look more engaged and proactive, or the company could have terminate my conctract. And the coworkers made jokes about me being weird and asocial. These things had already happened in previous jobs, and this really made me depressed and anxious, so I decided I would not endure that kind of stuff anymore. Then I applied for this warehouse job, but nothing changed.

After leaving I applied only to delivery driver jobs, but there aren't many in my area, and I only sent 10 resumes in over 2 months. Then I got 1 interview and was rejected. Are there other jobs with minimal engagement with management and coworkers?

I've always been a picky eater due to textural issues. As I've expanded my cooking knowledge, I've realized that a lot of dishes are more freeform than I thought and I largely disliked the way that people insisted on preparing them. I learned how to cook, but I stuck to safe foods like scrambled eggs or Mac n cheese.

Every once in a while, I get adventurous and decide to try a new variation on things that I've figured out I like from cooking. Today, I've made my first stew(?) and it's actually amazing. I knew what would and wouldn't agree with my brain, and I just made something vaguely stew-like that I knew would satisfy all criteria.

I had more to say about the topic but I forget, so here's a vague guide to the stew(?) I've made

-Take one Kielbasa. Slice into roughly even disks, about a finger wide

-Fry in a deep pot with 2 Tbsp of butter

-Once kielbasa is just less than adequately browned, drain a can each of corn and peas and add to pot

-Fry for a bit longer

-Add 10 cups water, 4 cups rice, and a half cup of lentils (adjust as needed for your rice/lentils needs)

-Add half a can of cream of chicken (I should have used the whole can), and a quarter jar of tomato pasta sauce

-Add seasoning: Garlic, Onion, paprika, chicken bullion, cayenne, cumin, turmeric, cocoa powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, oregano

-Cook on the stove until the rice and lentils are finished

This is so much healthier than making some more pasta or nuggets

I'm 31m in Scotland and I've been my mum's primary carer since my dad passed away in 2022. I've also recently been diagnosed (last year).

Her needs have been increasingly more complex and I've been struggling more and more. I had to leave uni (student nurse) to focus on her and because I struggled so much with the social demands of a nursing degree. But now being at home with her more, without any external support has been emotionally and physically draining. She has cognitive issues, severe mobility issues. Needs assistance with most daily tasks. Through all this I've been discovering my own needs and navigating my own diagnosis and trying to find ways to cope.

So I'm just wondering if anyone out there is in a similar situation? Or even if you just want to chat about anything, I'm always up for a distraction. We can chat about anything and everything. My special interests currently are: Homelabbing, 3D printing, photography, electronics, geopolitics and current events. I occasionally play a bit of bf6 or cod and recently got back into osrs.

So if you share my experience, want to vent or hear me yap about my homelab. Let me know.

I spent a lot of my younger years of life as a anti-social person, and in denial about my personal self value/skills. Now I am 28 years old and I got a job that made me become more social/improve. Now that I have spent the past two years around a new job/community, I have learned a lot. I am a lot more social, however I am no longer in denial. Now that I am around other males my age I see my personal flaws.
I am physically unfit way more than my peers, My social skills are improving but overall they are not great. I am awkward and I can make others uncomfortable. I am way more of a coward than i thought I was. (I found that out once time came to shove)
I am so different from my peers my age.
I receive no respect from my peers and strangers because I am not a respectable person. I don’t stand up for myself.
I get called “Buddy” not “Sir”
I am a “weird adult”.

But for a long time i denied this, i told myself i wasnt a loser, a weakling or an idiot. I told myself i just needed time. well now time has passed and i have found myself to be all 3.
Realizing these things now I feel super emasculated all the time. I used to feel at least a bit confident at times. that i was handsome or at least about my height.
now i don’t feel that way ever.
I feel like a loser constantly.

I used to “love myself” in the sense where I liked being a nerd, being bisexual or being autistic. I didn’t see anything wrong with myself. Now I hate myself. I hate being a “nerd”. I hate being bisexual. I hate not fitting in everywhere I go.

I don’t like my body, I don’t like how I talk or act. I am not the person I thought I was at all. I realized this once I got around other people and realized how much of a chud I am.

worst part is my negative feelings are currently destroying my sex life. I don’t get hard for my girlfriend anymore.

I told my girlfriend the short of this, but i can be a lot more pathetic on reddit than to my girlfriend.

I (23f) mean to simply initiate contact and apologize. However, I’m trying to figure out if that would be appropriate. He hasn’t talked to me in months or responded on anything, which is why I think I’m in no contact zone. It’s hard to tell tho, as I’m autistic and can’t read social cues all that well.

Anyway, earlier this year I was having some issues with (28m) which were further escalated by bad advice from my now ex best friend. He actually blocked my ex friend and restricted my Instagram account at the same time. Neither of them ever told me why. Anyway, I feel really dumb for following the wrong advice and trusting the wrong people. This person is in a new relationship btw, so there’s no hope of rekindling what was lost. There’s absolutely nothing I can do but apologize. But something is telling me that might be invasive? Is it?

After years of autistic burnout I finally decided to try expanding my world beyond my bedroom. So far my safe spaces are libraries, cafes, and surprisingly the dental office.

I'd like to start with other low stimulation, low demand places for now such as greenhouses, museums, art galleries, book stores, and hobby stores. Then maybe places where people do ordinary things independently.

Public transportation is kinda scary but I'm slowly getting more comfortable with it. Restaurants and the gym during busy hours are overwhelming, but they're okay during calmer hours.

Emotionally unsafe places are my house outside my bedroom, the doctor's office, and competitive online team games. Places where I have to interact with people that are pushy, confrontational, or mean.