Guys i know duas from strangers really help so can you guys please make dua that i get what i’m asking for.

Something terrible just happened and i’m about to hit rock bottom so hard everything is about to fall apart.
I beg you guys please, please just please.

I don’t know what to do.I have lived in exhaustion my whole life in an unhealthy home battling many different struggle. I just lost my long term fiance and my friends. When Allah gave me my fiance I thought I finally found peace. I thought I found someone healthy and good to build with. Then it was stolen from me. Everyone turned against me overnight when all I wanted to do was try my best and to love others. I’m a social worker getting my masters and I currently work with Muslims who have special needs and sometimes I don’t wanna end my life because I feel like my students would maybe miss me. but I just feel like people hate me now. like i lost my support and my family environment is a bit abusive. Allah is most merciful but what could the point of my test be? When will I have my own home that is loving and peaceful and when can I feel calm. I lost my partner and my close friends have ghosted me with no explanation. Am I that bad of a person to be around? I just. I don’t know anymore. I wish I could just feel calm for once in my life.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

I (late twenties F, UK) have been struggling quite a lot this past year, and I would really appreciate any advice, words of encouragement or duas for myself, my family and friends.

At the beginning of the year, during Ramadan, I felt really motivated to improve my Deen, work on myself and make positive changes in my life. I passed important exams and reached a significant point in my career, and I was genuinely excited about what the future might hold, In Shaa Allah.

Unfortunately, I suddenly became unwell with an unexpected health issue. I ended up needing three minor surgeries within just four months. Alhamdulillah, the condition itself is not serious or considered a bad concern, and I am told it is simply bad luck. As a result, I've been unable to work and progress in my career as I had hoped.

Since then, my recovery hasn't gone as expected. My symptoms have returned and I may need further surgery. The uncertainty of not knowing when I'll recover, whether I'll need more procedures or how much longer I'll be away from work has been incredibly difficult.

On top of this, I've watched friends reach major milestones in their lives. Many are getting married, having children and progressing in their careers, while I feel as though my own life has been put on hold. I'm genuinely happy for them, and I know everyone has their own journey, but it's difficult not to feel left behind sometimes, especially when I had so many hopes and plans for this stage of my life.

Recently, a few close relatives have also suddenly become seriously unwell. I've found myself feeling increasingly anxious, stressed and overwhelmed by everything that's happened. I worry about whether I'll be able to achieve the happiness, good health and financial stability I hope for, and whether I'll find love and experience having a family of my own. I worry about the people I love and their wellbeing, too. At times, it feels exhausting to keep facing one uncertainty after another.

I know that life doesn't always go according to plan, and from an Islamic perspective, I want to maintain my trust in Allah's plan. I know that Allah is the best of planners, and I want to have faith in the timing. However, I'm finding it difficult.

How do I cope emotionally? How do I stop comparing my journey to others and feeling as though I am falling behind? How do I maintain my faith and trust in Allah during a prolonged period of uncertainty, especially when things didn't seem to be getting better despite my duas?

I'd really appreciate any advice, personal experiences, Islamic reminders or words of encouragement. Please also keep me, my family and friends in your duas. May Allah grant us all good health, ease our difficulties, protect our loved ones and grant us what is best for us in this life and the Hereafter. Ameen. 🤍

I don't expect anyone to have all the answers, but hearing from people who understand what this feels like would genuinely mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khayran for taking the time to read this. ❤️

My issue
The issue I am facing is fatigue, tiredness, flussed out, no will to do anything, ready to give up & many more. Most would solve this by taking weight off, which is the right solution, but what if there is no weight that can be taken off.
Steering
The actual solution is one & it's known; Allah. but there should be no, adhering to the religion is also one of my issue, -if saying that is correct - I can't seem to catch on to the rope of Allah, I fall for days, catch it and rouse just to fall again and again. At, many points of trying to or climbing the rope, I feel lost, that no matter what I do, I am not worthy, that I can't be someone that is attached to the ROPE. I am wrong in that. Sometimes I think maybe falling and getting up to climb itself is catching on to the rope, then I look at my falls and how deep they go and look at my climb and how little it is & I despair that I am just coping. From a small age have wanted Allah but I have not warded it really really, if I had actually wanted that hard maybe I would have been on the right path.
I also feel that I have been misunderstood from a very young age, I crave attention, appreciation & love and I feel that is missing in my life, even though my parents give me these in their old school way, its not enough. I don't want to be ungrateful to them, but it hurts when they compar me to others, it hurts when they don't see the struggle I am facing. It hurts when I sometimes try my best, even though my best isn't as good as the best they are hoping to see and they scold me. I look around myself to see people who have adhered to The Rope, people succesful in life, people in both and I am none of both. It hurts me that I can't seem to hold on and be a reciter of Allah's words. It hurts me that I am an average everywhere. It hurts me that I can't never get out of 4th position, never first. It hurts me that I am not steadfast in my prayers and rawatib. It hurts me that I am a bad servant, bad child, bad student, bad brother and a bad friend. I looked at ADHD symptoms & I think Oh I have ADHD, then I say: no you don't, you ARE just coping and trying to attention seek. Man I am lost. I LOVE Planes, jets, Cars everything that moves by explosion. I want to go to KFUPM to study Aerospace & go into aeronautical field, but me being me, I am just wasting time being lazy. Let me tell you what my weights are: Study good to get 90%+ on fsc to get into KFU, study SAAT and get 99%+, revise and perfect quran revision to get 100% on the exam, go to duroos & study Arabic. Pray prayers with rawatib. These are possible, but because I am so LAZY and USELEESS and just STUPID, I am unable to do these easy tasks everyday or atleast every other day. It's my skill issue & It's not that it is hard. I also want to help out my father financially but I am unable to and that also hurts me. Once a person told me after looking at my polished shell, I wish at your age I was like you, not knowing underneath that polished shell, there is the black smoke coal that not only burns just a little, it also withers everything around it.
I am also 90kg at 18, I look like a ball of straight fat. I try to exercise but guess what, fatty can't stop eating. My brothers are so much more better than me, one is obedient to Allah & parents. The other the same along with being a genius ماشاء الله بارك الله. The last one is the same while I am curse my parents, shout at them and be regularly angry at them, I am also unobedient to my lord, I regularly get fed up with decree/fate. I get angry at every little mishap, specially when I am overstimulated.
Also about me being a attention seeker, I am probably writing this to attention seek by playing the "victim card".
Do you want to hear positive things about me, No?, you don't. okay I thought so too, & even if you hard said yes, I don't have any. (What a victim card, Bravo, so proud of you, you liberal shit).
I genuinely want a family but my sins are blocking that, I probably may not ever find a wife the way I am.
I want to give up but somehow I have no option to. I am really tired.
Some things I love are (Dunya stuff, after Allah, duroos & things): Women, cooking / baking, Engineering stuff, I have newly started to draw but it is something I have loved for a long time, working on cars even tho I have never done that, Although I did have a bike who I LOVED, but as everything in my life, I lost it (not literally), I miss him even a year later and will keep on missing him, I also enjoy doing handy staff, I like mathematics & physics.
Why am I writing this:
I saw videos of people telling people, who have a lot on their mind to breathe and first to perfect the run in the race line before trying to win, but because none of the stuff i have is compromisable, I can't relate.