I’m experienced with psychedelics, including high-dose mushrooms and DMT, but I had an experience recently that was unlike anything I’ve encountered before. I’m curious whether anyone here has experienced something similar.

I took approximately 3 grams of mushrooms, although the subjective intensity felt considerably stronger, closer to what I’d associate with a 5-gram experience.

I was lying down listening to the Johns Hopkins psychedelic therapy playlist, meditating, and letting the experience unfold.

The onset was incredibly strong. I found myself traveling through something resembling a DMT tunnel, accompanied by what felt like an extraordinarily intelligent presence guiding me.
The tunnel was composed of incredibly intricate, high-resolution geometric patterns and alien hieroglyphic symbols.

Periodically, the guiding presence would stop and show me these incredibly elaborate geometric structures or technologies. The best analogy I can think of is Terence McKenna’s descriptions of “jewel-encrusted” alien machinery. I had the distinct impression that I was being shown things so far beyond my comprehension that the point was to humble me.

Eventually, I found myself moving through different environments or “rooms.”
In one of these spaces, I seemed to be looking into an enormous alien hangar. In my periphery, I could sense a massive black UFO of some sort. Then I noticed there were intelligences in this environment that appeared to be engaged in extraordinarily sophisticated engineering, mathematics, or technological work regarding this spacecraft. I could barely comprehend what I was perceiving.
Then something really strange happened.
They noticed me. And they did NOT want me there.

They spoke with me telepathically. The message was something along the lines of:
“What are you doing here? Why did you come back? Are you trying to understand reality? You’ve already been here before. We’re busy doing our work. You couldn’t possibly understand any of this anyway. Go away. Go do your human thing.”

I want to emphasize that this didn’t feel like a threatening or demonic encounter. I wasn’t particularly scared. These entities seemed almost irritated, like I’d wandered into a restricted laboratory and interrupted a bunch of engineers who had absolutely no interest in entertaining a clueless human. It felt like I was a stupid toddler, and they were annoyed by my presence.

If anything, my feelings were hurt. Lol.
It was such an unexpected contrast with the loving, interconnected experience I’d been hoping for.
I tried to return to the meditation and allow the music to guide me again, but on multiple occasions I found myself entering other environments and encountering what felt like the same message: you’re not supposed to be here right now. Leave.

I had trip killers on hand, and it felt like the entities were urging me to take them, and leave the space. Before I even took the trip killer, it felt like the visuals significantly subsided (keep in mind, all of this occurred within 1 hour of ingestion). I wasn’t ever really scared but I felt like I was repeatedly being told I wasn’t welcome, and I felt offended and unwanted.

Now, reflecting on the experience, I’m reminded of Andrew Gallimore discussing the phenomenon of DMT “lockouts,” where people report being denied access to the DMT space by entities.

I’m not necessarily claiming these were literal aliens, or that I actually intruded into some kind of physical extraterrestrial facility.
But phenomenologically, it was really really bizarre. These entities felt completely independent, occupied with their own priorities, and profoundly uninterested and annoyed with my presence. There was also a part where I felt like the Aliens were viewing reality through my eyes, it was really odd…

The feeling after terminating the trip, was being immensely grateful for humanity and sober reality on Earth.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Curious about interpretations or comments.

TL;DR: Stumbled into an Alien hangar on my mushroom trip, the entities were annoyed and shooed me away.

Edit: Some interesting context I left out, this way my first mushroom experience in ~7 years. I agree with many of the comments saying to ‘hang up the phone’, that was definitely a message I got. I came away from the experience with a new, strong appreciation and love for humanity.

Hello community. I have a friend, who occasionally when tripping goes into a somewhat paranoid state. He feels like the others in our group are not telling him everything and gets annoyed and even angry that we are not disclosing some secret. This doesn't happen every time, but it has happened a few times with more or less similar characteristics.

I'd like to hear your thoughts and ideas for dealing with situations like this, and how I can help him. I feel like my attempts have not really helped, and I'm starting to feel like I might even make it worse by getting stressed and asking questions. But it doesn't feel right to just leave him be either, because he's in distress and he has himself said it's very close to a panic attack. I've also tried to shift the mood with changing the music and lighting.

After the incidents, he goes back to normal at least after a day. He has always apologised and realized that his own actions have caused stress to others. But I'm trying to find out some concrete actions or things how to help him in the moment while also keeping my own cool. He doesn't have mental health problems or medication that could cause this.

What are your thoughts?

My 5g Penis Envy trip experience:

I took the shrooms at 9:45pm

(10:20pm) The onset was actually pretty calm. My room started turning green, and I remember staring at my carpet trying to figure out what was happening. My shutters started looking squiggly, and my carpet slowly turned into this giant mosaic of fractals. Everything was changing colors, there was rainbow everywhere, and the visuals just kept getting more intense.

For some reason, I kept seeing teeth. Faces with sharp teeth, teeth mixed in with the fractals, all kinds of weird stuff. Then I looked at my ceiling and saw what looked like a spider, except its entire body was one giant ball covered in spiky teeth with legs attached. I let it eat me, and I genuinely felt like I died.

Before I “died”, I saw this glowing woman who looked like the Virgin Mary. Not in a religious way, she just had this really warm, motherly presence. I felt completely embraced by her.

After I died, I remember spiraling down into this huge spiral and traveling through space. I was cycling through different animals, trying to figure out what I was. I remember being a shark and a bear. It felt like I had completely lost my identity and was trying to figure out what kind of creature I was supposed to be. Eventually, I became human again.

Idk to explain this part without it sounding ridiculous, but I felt like I had to learn how to be a person from scratch. I was going through my thoughts trying to figure out what was real. I remember thinking “these people are real, these are my real experiences”. I was trying to piece reality back together. I felt like a caveman trying to figure out how to be human again.

I had absolutely no control over my body. I was babbling, making weird noises, spitting everywhere, sliding around my bed, curling up into a ball. It felt like I was a ragdoll and some outside force was controlling me. I took my pants off and had a “naked party” and it felt like it was against my will.

My brother got home during the trip and recorded me. In my head, I was having a whole interaction with him and telling him to stop recording. When I saw the video the following morning, I was nonverbal and looked completely out of it. 

The bathroom was also very strange. I went to pee for what I think was the fourth time, and I swear I felt like I was using echolocation. I had these rainbow CDs rotating in my peripheral vision, kind of like Mob Psycho and it felt like I was navigating through sound.

As I was pacing back and forth from the bathroom, I would occasionally stop. I did a fent bend over my sink and I seriously started licking my wall. Like I was slobbering and licking it all over. I accidentally bit a part of the wall, and some of the paint is chipped off now.

I was also communicating with things throughout the trip. I don't know who or what they were. I just remember communicating with them, and I have these vague memories of traveling through space and experiencing different dimensions. My sense of time was completely gone. It was so strange because I would have thought that an hour went by, but in reality it was just 2 minutes.

(2:30am) I thought I wanted an ego death, but I had no idea what that actually meant. I had all these aspirations and thought I could accomplish so much with my life. Once the climax was over, I cried so much. I hated myself for taking the mushrooms. I wanted to seem cool or have some crazy experience, and I realized how stupid that was. I was genuinely upset with myself.

I kept thinking about the woman I saw, too. I’m pretty sure who I was seeing was Mother Nature. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her. I felt warm and loved by this entity and I'm fairly certain it was mother nature.

I went to sleep around 3 hours later.

I’m still trying to remember everything that happened last night, but this was extremely impactful.

I've wanted to write this experience down for a while because, even now, I still think about how absolutely insane it was. It's difficult to explain some of what I saw, but I'll do my best. This happened a while ago, so some details are blurry, but certain moments are permanently burned into my memory.

A little background: I'm not entirely sure how many grams I took because the mushrooms were in pill form, but I believe it was no more than 2 grams. The strangest thing was that it took almost **two hours to kick in**. When it finally started, though, things got wild very quickly.

The come-up: Everything suddenly felt incredible

I first realized something was happening when I took my jumper off. The feeling of the sleeve sliding off my arm felt unbelievably good. It was such a simple sensation, but it felt amazing in a way I can't really describe.

I sat on the couch for a while and smoked a joint. Suddenly, I felt much higher than I normally would from smoking weed.

Then I had this overwhelming urge to go outside.

I opened the door and looked at a tree in the distance. Its branches appeared to be moving in the most beautiful way. I was completely mesmerized.

But there was something strange about being indoors. Every time I went back inside, my nose would start running like crazy, my eyes would water uncontrollably, and my throat would feel extremely uncomfortable. It was almost unbearable, and I felt an incredibly powerful urge to get back outside.

The weirdest part? Every time I stepped outside, those symptoms disappeared. My nose stopped running, my eyes stopped watering, and I felt fine again.

I kept going back and forth, and the pattern seemed to repeat itself every time.

The tree that beckoned me over.

There was one particular tree just outside my driveway that I'll never forget.

It was winter, so all the leaves had fallen off. The moon was in the background, silhouetting the bare branches. It looked absolutely beautiful.

I stood there staring at it for what felt like ages. There was no wind that night, but the branches looked like they were moving incredibly intensely, intertwining with one another and creating these unbelievably intricate patterns. It was as though the tree had a million branches.

Then things got even stranger.

At one point, I swear the tree appeared to grow an enormous arm out of its branches. It was massive, almost like something straight out of a fantasy movie. The arm had a long index finger, and the tree seemed to gesture for me to come closer, almost like a teacher beckoning a student over.

I stood there with my mouth wide open, completely mesmerized.

And then I looked down at the bushes beneath it.

The entire row of bushes appeared to grow multiple rows of hands, all making the exact same beckoning gesture.

The funniest part was that the hands on the bushes looked like tiny, cute baby hands, while the enormous arm on the tree looked intimidating and almost terrifying.

Despite how strange it looked, I wasn't particularly frightened. I was fascinated.

Part of me still wonders what would have happened if I'd walked over to the tree. I never did, and it's one of those moments I still think about.

Entering the woods: A gigantic spider cave

I went back inside to tell my cousin what I had just seen and asked him to come with me into the woods beside our house.

He decided to stay inside.

Because of the uncomfortable symptoms I kept experiencing indoors, I couldn't stand being in the house any longer, so I stayed outside and eventually decided to explore the woods alone.

Near the entrance, I noticed what looked like a gigantic cobweb, roughly the size of a human.

I walked further into the woods, and what I saw next was absolutely unbelievable.

The entire environment appeared to transform into a gigantic spider cave.

There were enormous cobwebs everywhere, some seemingly the size of humans. I remember seeing what looked like massive, human-sized eggs. The trees appeared at least five times bigger than normal, and when I looked upward, there seemed to be a rocky ceiling stretching above me, almost as if I were inside a giant underground cavern.

I couldn't believe what I was looking at.

The deeper I walked, the stranger everything became. It stopped looking like a cave and started morphing into something I can only compare to travelling through a wormhole.

At first, I wasn't afraid at all. I was completely fascinated by everything around me.

But as I went deeper, the lights from the surrounding area gradually disappeared. Everything became darker and increasingly strange, and eventually I started feeling scared.

I decided not to go any further and walked back out of the woods.

Even now, that entire experience is difficult to put into words.

The mountain, the pyramid, the eye and the horse

After leaving the woods, I stayed outside rather than going back into the house.

I looked into the distance, where there were lots of green trees.

Except they didn't look like individual trees anymore.

They appeared to merge together into an enormous mountain. I'm talking about something that looked roughly the size of Ben Nevis, except it seemed to be only about 50 metres away from me.

I remember staring at it and thinking, *What the actual fuck? How is that even possible?*

Then the mountain began to transform.

It appeared to become a gigantic pyramid, and in the centre of the pyramid was an enormous eye staring directly at me.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

But it didn't stop there.

The pyramid and the eye then appeared to transform into a gigantic horse, roughly the same enormous scale as the mountain I'd seen earlier.

Unfortunately, I don't remember much of what happened immediately after that, but the image of those transformations has stayed with me.

Closing my eyes: Dragons and something indescribable

The open-eye visuals were already incredible, but closing my eyes brought an entirely different experience.

I remember seeing extraordinary colours and intricate shapes. At one point, I saw an eye in the centre of everything, staring at me as the surrounding imagery changed and morphed.

Eventually, the eye disappeared, and the shapes began connecting and transforming into something else.

Then a massive dragon appeared.

I remember the dragon morphing into some kind of being, although I honestly can't describe what it looked like. It seemed to keep changing form.

That being eventually appeared to transform into something resembling an alien spaceship.

I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous written down, but that's genuinely what I remember seeing.

There was so much happening visually that I couldn't begin to describe all of it. Some of the imagery was so strange that ordinary words don't really do it justice.

The comedown and looking back

Eventually, the trip started slowing down, although I can't remember exactly how the visuals faded or how long everything lasted.

What I do know is that I loved every second of the experience.

Even the moments that could have been frightening felt more fascinating than anything else. I remember feeling completely mesmerized by what I was seeing.

It's been a while since this happened, but I still think about that night and how strange it was. The tree beckoning me over, the spider cave, the mountain transforming into a pyramid with an enormous eye, and the dragon and spaceship imagery are all things I still remember.

The whole experience has made me think about life and perception in ways I find difficult to explain.

I'm not claiming any of what I saw was physically happening. I know I was tripping, and I also smoked cannabis during the experience. I'm simply describing how it appeared and felt to me at the time.

Has anyone else experienced visuals this elaborate on mushrooms? I'm especially curious whether anyone has experienced entire environments seemingly transforming, rather than just seeing patterns or things moving. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences, particularly if they've had recurring imagery or visuals that felt like one scene was transforming into another.

This was the strangest experiences I've ever had, and I'd love to hear what other people make of it.

Ive been taking fluoxetine, aripiprazole and guanfacine for several years. I'm trying to understand how long the brain/receptors would likely take to readjust after long term use of these medications. I'm interested in eventually trying LSD and want to understand how previous long-term medication use might affect its effects. Any research on how long serotonin and dopamine systems take to readjust after stopping these medications? And is there a known timeline for sensitivity to LSD to change after discontinuation, or is this still unknown?

I know ego dissolution is a big part of tripping. However I suffer from dpdr or chronic dissociation, and after trying many things, psychedelics remain the only class of substances that helped me many times and even completely “healed” me temporarily (dmt, Psylocibin).

The problem is, either psychedelics have a very anti dissociating effect on me and ground me completely in reality and help me to connect with my memory’s and my surroundings, or they have strong dissociative effects with very profound ego dissolution (especially lsd).
I learned to accept the temporary ego dissolution effect even though it was pretty uncomfortable on some lsd trips, but I’d rather have the grounding anti dissociative effects of psychedelics. (Shrooms and Dmt tend to ground me much more than lsd but shrooms are mentally more difficult and I don’t have any leftovers of my homegrown shrooms but still plenty of acid).

Do you have any idea how to get a less dissociative effect? I think I got the most groundings effects of lsd whenever I took a Microdose of \~20ug a couple of days before a trip (maybe this aspect of the trip builds a faster tolerance?). It’s not that the ego dissolution effect is completely bad, for example ketamine helps me a lot even though it 100% temporary shatters my ego. But sometimes I’d prefer a more grounding effect.

For example I can’t drop acid with friends because even at 50ug I start to loose contact with who I am and get a blank mind and don’t speak for hours because it seems so pointless to speak unnecessary words.
Anyone has any experiences or tips? Nsi-189 seemed to lower the dissociative effects a bit for me.

So i know that this is usually a terrible idea but would taking one puff about 7-8 hours in make the trip uncomfortable? I just want to extend the visuals a little bit so I can enjoy some movies on the comedown

I know this has been done a lot but a lot of the posts are old and it's always good to get fresh input.

I could talk about the time we saw two dudes fist fighting in the parking lot and then when we came back 10mins later they were making out.

Or the time I accidentally screamed "BEJEZZUS!" Right as I entered a room where it was just me and my tripping friends and a group of severely physically disabled people. The two events were unrelated.

But I'm going to go with the time the rest of the world went slow motion.

I was at a rave with my buddy Bean. We had both taken two hits of acid from our normal guy, then found another guy selling it and took two hits of a different acid. The speaker stack was inside of this old barn. They had tons of lights and there were hay bails in the back you could climb on. Pretty cool setup.

So me and Bean are walking towards the barn and the moment we stepped over the threshold something was immediately off. Both me and him stop and stare around and suddenly it hits me. Everyone's going slow motion. Everyone, except me and Bean.

We begin to walk around the barn and I can tell he can see it too. There was this couple that was dancing in front of us. They were pretty close together, facing each other, and the way they were moving they were kind of pulling away from each other to the rhythm of the music.

As theu did this, Bean walked up to them, looked back and forth between them, looked at the space between them, and then turned sideways and put his hands up as he began to kind of sideways shimmy between them. His mouth open in amazement.

I guess when the world slows down, in order to resync with the normal flow of time, it has to go double speed to catch up. Suddenly everything went fast forward. Things were happening so quickly I couldn't keep track of it. I was moving, racing through the crowd like some confusing sped up maze. Then the world was spinning, and suddenly I was falling backwards. There was nothing I could do to stop it, I just let it happen. And right when I expected to feel a thud of me slamming into the ground, I felt a gentle plop, and found myself sitting down on this big concrete block.

It was some kind of anchor point for these big steel beams that were a part of the support structure for the barn. I looked around and everything was going normal speed again. The path I was traveling through people on autopilot while everything was sped up seemed to be a deliberate one. And clearly my body had decided to take a seat right here and soak it all in. Later on I did indeed confirm with Bean that he too had experienced the same exact thing, not that I needed the validation. It was obvious he had.

So yeah, that's probably the trippiest thing I've seen. Even trippier than some of the alternate dimensions I've found myself in. Always stuck with me. How about you? What crazy shit have you experienced?

I’ve been doing the deep dive of my life into the Epstein files, UAP files + abduction experiences, cryptid experiences, and demon/negative spirit experiences.

I want to know, from experiencers, the knowledgeable, religious people and spiritual people alike: What’s your interpretation of all these entities, and do they overlap? Are they related somehow?

One thing I note is recurring spiritual encounter themes from encounters with “aliens”(whom I believe to be interdimensional beings), cryptids at times, and the DMT-beings such as machine elves.

For example, do you believe the UAP interdimensional beings and the Ayahuasca/DMT-beings to be the same or related? Or are all of these just demons? Excited for a thoughtful discussion and truths being shared.

The people who have taken psychedelics have you ever met beings who said they are present everywhere and ready to help and guide people when they need help.

Hi all, when I consume mushrooms, I end up getting really painful urinary issues the entire time. I've looked into it and apparently it's from the actual flesh, so looking for a better alternative.

What is the best bang for your buck? Tea? Lemontek? Something else? Not concerned about taste (though bonus if it's yummy lol), most concerned about potency. What's the best technique here?

A while ago, I experienced a strange, instantaneous mental shift while masturbating. It felt almost like a switch being flipped in my brain. My arousal disappeared immediately, and ever since, I've struggled to achieve or maintain a fully firm erection, even with partners I found extremely attractive.

Last month, I took psilocybin mushrooms (not my first experience). Interestingly, over the past couple of weeks, I've started experiencing very strong erections while half-asleep in the morning. However, they disappear as I become fully conscious.

I'm curious whether anyone has experienced something similar, particularly the sudden onset or the changes following psychedelics. Any thoughts on what might explain this?

Hey folks!

After many years of doing psychedelics and mostly just for entertainment rather than inner journeys I have found myself to not break through anymore. I might have had to endure too many situations where I had to fend off the effects to remain calm or functioning and maybe it's that?

However, after a rough patch I wanted the mushroom to show me something and I decided to trip. With everything well prepared at home.

But I couldn't find peace. My body didn't want to let go.
I had to pee. Something itched. It was too warm. It was too cold. I had to pee. Something itched. The headphones? Uncomfortable. The music? Not quite it.
And so I wasted a strong peak on trying to find a way to let go. Just to fail.
Only when I gave up on trying and went to bed to find someone sleep... I kinda slipped into it. But way to late.

So I tried surrendering. Didn't help.

My nervous system seems to know where I want to go and since it has developed some skills to prevent it, I can't go deliberately anymore.

So my question: have I ruined tripping in terms of inner voyages for me?

I’m Joe Moore, co-founder of Psychedelics Today. I wrote a piece on this, linked at the bottom, but here’s the argument.

You’ve probably heard some version of it: Leary scared the public, research died for decades, and the lesson for everyone else is to stay respectable. Michael Pollan has said it was Leary who turned the psychiatric establishment against LSD. Carl Hart said Leary’s antics set hallucinogen research back 40 years. These are people I respect, and Hart is one of the sharpest critics of the drug war out there. That’s kind of my point. Even the critics repeat it.

Leary made real mistakes. Harvard colleagues raised serious concerns about participant safety, weak controls and researchers taking psilocybin during studies. Doblin’s 1998 follow-up found the Concord Prison Experiment’s claims about reduced reoffending didn’t hold up.

But Leary didn’t control Congress, the FDA, university budgets or drug companies. A few things the Leary story leaves out:

• US drug prohibition goes back to an 1875 San Francisco ordinance aimed at Chinese immigrants. Racist claims about cocaine and Black people, and anti-Mexican prejudice in the marijuana campaign, did a lot of the building after that.
• The 1962 drug amendments made it much harder to prove a drug works, and psychedelic therapy fit badly into trials designed to isolate a drug’s effects. People usually knew what they’d taken.
• Historian Matthew Oram found federal agencies kept funding some LSD studies after Sandoz pulled out in 1966, some into the mid-70s. He puts more weight on testing problems and fading psychiatric interest than on any one person.
• Schedule I in 1970 didn’t technically ban research, but it stacked registrations, inspections, storage rules and paperwork on every study. Researchers still describe those costs today.

The part I care about most: the Leary story quietly teaches the field to distance itself from religious use, counterculture and any experience medicine can’t explain. I don’t think people should need a diagnosis to justify exploring their own minds. And winning acceptance for psilocybin while other drug users still get punished keeps the worst part of the drug war intact.

The people who enacted and kept prohibition made choices. I’d rather hold them responsible than keep blaming Leary.

Curious where people here land. Is the Leary story fair, partly fair, or a convenient scapegoat?

Full piece with sources: https://psychedelicstoday.com/2026/10/22/timothy-leary-drug-war/

Ok, we regularly use 5-meo-mipt. I usually volumetric dose 10-20mg for accuracy. Our dose is usually in the 3-5mg range. Looking at how to make gummy’s or something or candy or a liquid solution that’s shelf stable.

How are you guys solving this problem? Like tonight I’ll probably make up 30mg into 10ml of water. One dose is 1mg. How can I save the rest?

Hey guys I'm I'm a transition phase of my life I've had multiple experiences with shrooms this year the first journey I ever did was 5.5gs of t.w it was the most profound and beautiful experience of my life after that I started doing way to much shrooms and the shrooms punished me for it.. Now multiple months later making some of the biggest decisions of my life I decided to go for another journey in planning to take 6-12gs of golden teachers I need your advice as I am anxious about it no doubt due to my last bad experience with it but I feel it is very necessary for me to do it. To see what the shrooms want to show me.. Any words of advice are welcome. One issue I run into sometimes is my body becomes really cold and I feel really nauseous about of times it didn't happen but last few times I did shrooms it happened to me for hours wanted to know how to avoid that this time.EDIT:what an amazing gah damn thing shrooms are muahahha

Hello everyone!

My research team and I at Maastricht University are doing an empirical study exploring the relationship between memory and psychedelic experiences. We are looking for participants who are willing to fill in a short anonymous questionnaire.

The survey is open to anyone over 16 who has used psychedelics (ex. LSD, psilocybin, ketamine, MDMA, 2CB, etc.) and/or cannabis/marijuana at least once. There are no limitations regarding gender, country, race/ethnicity, etc. We believe this is relevant to this group due to your knowledge on the topic.

The link is here 📝 If there are any questions, feel free to comment on this post!

took 1.5g shrooms 5 days ago had a great trip apart from bad vomiting afterwards and the next day

the next morning I noticed more visual snow than normal and I feel like i still have it but can't tell if I'm just anxious/ noticing it more and thats making me worry

when I'm bisy/distracted i notice it less

concentration feels more challenging than normal but I appear to be functioning normally but with concerted effort

id love to trip again but don't want to scramble my brain further

is this common? has anyone had this and it went away in weeks/days rather than years?

Hey everyone!

I want to share my thoughts. For the past 10 years, I've been living in a state of a completely dead battery—a deep, hollow exhaustion. Over this time, I’ve tried and tested so many things. From antidepressants to the strongest nootropics, alongside countless medical tests and checkups—yet not a single hit. Physically, as it turns out, I’m healthy. It took me 10 years to get as close as ever to a breakthrough—or rather, to its most likely explanation.

Needless to say, advice from friends and relatives like "smile more," "hang out with friends," or "get some fresh air"... yeah, if only it were that simple. I tried. Unfortunately, there is simply no inner resource for that; it feels like asking someone with broken legs to go dance salsa.

My trips with psytrance, unfortunately, didn't provide the expected therapeutic effect. I can assume that music prevents the brain from going deep into the subconscious to pull out the "garbage" I need to experience, discharge, release, and let go of. Any external stimuli are just crutches. The brain clings to sounds and narratives, preventing the system from reaching the core of my stagnation—I noticed this especially during brief pauses between tracks.

So, I’m planning to play my final card—my ace of trumps. The stake is EVERYTHING.

What is this card? A trip in absolute, silent stillness, free from any external stimuli. Just isolation and a direct confrontation with what has been accumulating under this concrete slab for years.

Am I scared? Yes, of course I am. I’m not a machine, and certainly not a superhero. But I intend to go in there to give the architecture of my nervous system a real chance—a lever for at least some progress. My sole intention is complete surrender. I don't know what will be waiting for me there, but I will try my hardest to drop all my shields and throw away the steering wheel.

It’s terrifying to think that this last card might not work—how do I live after that? I don't know. It’s the chilling horror of someone who has bet everything and is left with no backup options. But I realize that this fear is also part of my armor, holding everything inside with steel cables as thick as ropes.

I’m not expecting miracles or hoping to heal in a single session. I’m simply creating conditions where the psyche has no room left to escape—no anchors, just my own subconscious.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. I’d be glad to hear your thoughts on this, and feel free to ask any questions.

strain- P6TE 3,5-4g