My husband and I live (mid-to-late 30s M/M) in NYC and we do well here. Lately it feels like there’s no way for us to actually get ahead. Owning a home is a dystopian fantasy at this point, and we’d be super happy just to have a meaningfully better day-to-day life for what we spend. We pay $4,500 a month for our apartment right now and its about 600 sq feet.

I’m Indian, he’s Greek, and we’re gay guys. No kids, now or ever, so schools don’t factor in. I work remotely in tech, and he works in HR ops at a big financial company. He’d have to find a new job wherever we go, so we need a city with a solid market for in-office HR roles.

I quit drinking a few years ago, but we still go out a lot: nice dinners, theater, drag shows, standup, concerts, movies (AMC A-Listers here dont mean to brag). We love being in the audience for basically anything.

What we’re looking for:

• A real queer community, ideally with plenty going on outside of bars, especially live entertainment like theater, shows, etc
• Somewhere it’s easy to make friends as adults, since we’d be starting over socially
• A neighborhood feel. I’d struggle anywhere I can’t walk to coffee or dinner, but we’re fine driving for everything else
• Enough space for a home office and a guest room so people can visit. Roughly $4-5k a month all in rent cost, and we’d like to buy eventually
• Storage space and real closets. Right now all our shit lives in storage bags, and I’d love to not do the NYC thing of having to shove all our summer stuff into suitcases during winter and vice versa, or put our shoes in those plastic hangers on the back of doors, or buy weird space saving collapsible tupperware and avoid buying any single use kitchen gadgets ever and just squeeze all my lemons by hand like a caveman til the end of time because we dont have room for a citrus squeezer in our tiny galley kitchen - just like have normal space for normal things
• A hub airport with good direct flights to Europe, since we’re over there a lot
• Seasons, ideally. Our favorite weather is NYC in the fall and spring, and we can handle most things beyond that

The scariest part is leaving the liberal bubble. Right now we don’t run into racist or bigoted people on a daily basis, and we never have to think about it which is awesome. Part of why we moved here. When we meet someone new at a coffee shop or through friends, it’s never a nasty shock that they vote against our rights or 'love the sinner hate the sin'. I know that’s a lot to ask of a new city, and I’m hoping people here can tell us where it’s realistic.

We’ve looked a little at North Jersey and Houston (I have family in Texas), but don't love Texas for a bunch of obvious reasons and North Jersey doesn't really solve the economic problem. If you’re queer or a person of color and left a big blue city, where did you end up and how does it feel day to day?

I just re-signed my NYC lease, but I’m thinking this will be my last year here. I’m exhausted by the workaholic culture, insane cost of living, and lack of convenient access to nature. I moved 16 times before turning 18, and NYC is the longest I’ve lived anywhere, but I’m ready for a change.
I’m more of a homebody who loves the outdoors, animals, the gym, movies, and recently, swing and line dancing (occasional big city moments are nice as well) My partner is more social and loves concerts, recreational sports leagues, bars with friends, and the convenience of city life.

I work in fashion sales and marketing but am hoping to pivot industries without going back to school. My partner is a software engineer, so job opportunities are important for both of us.

He’s originally from Texas, and I’d love to live there for the culture, food, and lifestyle, but we’re both very liberal, and the current politics make it difficult to consider. I’ve suggested California, but he has the stereotypical Texan disdain for it, lol, and the cost of living isn’t much better than NYC.

We’re also both people of color, and diversity is extremely important to us. We don’t want to move somewhere just because it’s a liberal state if the surrounding community lacks racial and cultural diversity. We’d love somewhere with a strong multicultural community, especially good Mexican food and culture.
I prefer warmer weather, while he enjoys four seasons.

We’re open to driving and don’t need NYC-level walkability.
Ideally, we’re looking for a diverse, socially welcoming city with easier access to nature, a lower cost of living, good career opportunities, and enough going on for both of us.

Where would you recommend? Especially interested in hearing from people who left NYC and don’t regret it!

Edit:
Im black, white and nimiipuu and he is Mexican… I’d ideally like to be in an ares that has a high Mexican and black population… bonus points if there’s an indigenous community nearby

Hello everyone! Currently have 2 different job offers in banking, one is in Boston and the other is in Philly. The Boston offer is slightly more comp ~15% higher salary than in Philly.

Currently in a HCOL major city so used to the city life. Looking for the pros and cons of each city. 29M who is looking to live in the city (or near it) with the hopes of buying a house/town home in the next 3 years.

Thanks for any input & help!

2 years in vancouver and yet to make any long lasting for life friendships, i’ve done all I can and im gonna graduate soon, people here are so shy, introverted and eerily quiet, so cliquey.

They make their friends in highschool and call it a day and never try going forward, im honestly thinking getting my nursing bachelors and moving to the USA, because i cant imagine another decade here if it means such a dead social life, maybe it gets better in the workplace? I really doubt it, its beautiful here but gosh, so isolating and rainy.. Ive read some posts here and im thinking New orleans, NYC, Chicago.. what other suggestions do you guys have? id be a single woman of color so im just a teenie bit worried about racism but honestly if it means the city is social i don’t even care atp.

Asking this as someone who is thinking about moving in the next coming years and wants to live in a truly politically and culturally liberal if not progressive city. Yes, cities are typically more liberal than rural areas but there are some cities from my experience that seem liberal but actually are much more centrist/moderate and those are cities I hope to avoid.

For example, I’ve lived in Sacramento before, a heavily democratic city but they are very moderate. They elected a Moderate Democrat, Kevin McCarty, over a progressive (Dr. Flo Cofer) and have repeatedly shot down bills that would fund public transit, including long requested light rail to the airport. Also, they’ve kept their district in the hands of the Matsui Family for over 45 years. To me, that doesn’t seem like a truly progressive city even though the city votes about 60% Democratic in elections.

So, just wanted to ask people from this subreddit from their personal experiences is there any cities that you’ve lived in that, through how people voted for local leaders (mayor, council members, state and federal representatives), local or state measures, or overall culture was disappointedly moderate or more centrist? I realize this might be subjective but I’m sure there will be some consensus.

I've lived in big cities, smaller cities, and I've moved to different cities for both personal and for work reasons. What do you do when you can honestly see yourself living anywhere? I feel like the advice might be different for someone in their 20s vs someone who "should" be getting some settled in life as a late 30s working in corporate. If someone in their 20s felt this way, I would tell them to go explore and find that place you like! But for myself, I've already done the exploring, and can see myself experiencing even more. So what do you do when you could really be happy almost anywhere? How do you pick where to live and for how long?

I'm in my early 30s, single, with a dog, and I've been contemplating leaving NYC for a while.

My background is small business accounting, and my remote contract ends Q2ish 2027, so my timing is flexible.

In terms of career, I'm planning to go back to school for the credits to sit for the CPA, and my main goal is a place with solid corporate accounting/finance jobs where I can actually move up.

Top priorities: strong accounting job market, opportunity to make friends, and better cost of living than NYC. I'd rather drive everywhere, so public transit doesn't matter, and I don't care about the arts scene too much.

Where would you go?

If anyone has any ideas, I'd greatly appreciate your input.

Hi all — I'm a 34-year-old single guy, no kids, and I've lived in Cleveland my entire life. I've traveled quite a bit, domestically and internationally, and for as long as I can remember, I've had this nagging feeling that I belong somewhere else. But for various reasons, I've never made the move.

Part of it is practical. I'm an attorney at a family firm, my family is here, and I own a condo downtown. I've built an established life, even though I've never felt entirely at home. I'm also close with my parents, and the thought of missing out on these years with them — or hurting them by leaving — weighs on me.

Culturally, I've always felt a little out of place. I'm drawn to art, fashion, history, architecture, creativity, and people who are comfortable expressing themselves. I love wandering through interesting neighborhoods, discovering new places, meeting strangers, and having conversations about everything and nothing. I love cities that boast liveliness and diversity, such as NYC, Philly, or Austin. Access to nature is a plus.

Cleveland has some of that, but I've never really connected with the broader social culture. Much of it revolves around sports, bars, and established social circles. Nothing wrong with that, but I've always craved more variety, spontaneity, and diversity.

NYC has always been the city I envisioned myself in, but the cost of living is intimidating. Our firm is growing slowly, my income isn't where I'd like it to be, and I have some manageable debt I'm working through. I don't want to make a financially reckless decision, and I sometimes wonder whether I'm romanticizing NYC.

There's also the life-stage question. I'm 34 and genuinely enjoy being single, dating, and meeting new people, but I'd eventually like to find someone and settle down. I'm looking for a city that's lively and socially engaging without being entirely centered on nightlife or a transient lifestyle.

Ultimately, I feel caught between a comfortable, albeit under stimulated but established life that doesn't quite fit me and taking a chance on somewhere that might.

So, I am coming to you all with a couple questions.

1. Has anyone made a big move in their 30s, especially leaving behind family, career ties, and property? What finally pushed you to do it? How did you handle the logistics, finances, and uncertainty? Any regrets?
2. What cities would you recommend? Somewhere walkable, culturally rich, creative, diverse, and social, with a good dating scene for people in their 30s. Access to nature is a plus.

I'm less interested in finding the objectively "best" city and more interested in hearing from people who've been in a similar position.

Would love to hear your experiences, advice, or even a little encouragement. I've spent so long thinking about moving that I've gotten pretty good at talking myself out of it.

Went through a bad breakup last year, most of my friends are settled down, and I’m disappointed by how little I branched out in my 20’s. I’d like to start fresh in an environment conducive to meeting like minded people.

I have lived in NYC and LA for the past few years near my college and childhood friends. Creative work brought me there, but I never fully resonated with either city but I did enjoy LA when I was younger. I hate the cold but I can deal with the upper 40’s 50’s for a few months. I enjoy hiking, farmers and flea markets, and an occasional drink on the weekends. I’m single but dating isn’t currently at the front of my mind. I prefer a roadtrip or beach bonfire to a night of bar hopping.

I’ve previously lived in Topanga which I enjoyed, but I definitely didn’t have a community up there and commuted to LA. I love Maine and the Sonoma/Mendocino counties in California, but I’m not under the impression that places like these draw the young, creative, crowd I’m looking for.

I do production and photography. I travel a lot for it, but local opportunities still matter. A bonus would be a major airport nearby, but I’m used to a connection as is when I visit my family back east. I would definitely pick up a part time job to immerse myself in the local community.

I know this sub hates the south but I'm curious if there are folks here that have moved to Southern Appalachia and like it? What do you like about it and why is it a good place to live? Southern Appalachia for the purposes of this post = east TN, western NC, eastern KY, north GA, & maybe West VA.

I see this sub is very American, I'm Australian so I understand things are slightly different. For the most part, we don't have a very strong 'move away for college' culture and living on campus is not typical. I live about an hour away from my uni, which is pretty standard.

I moved probably a little over 4 months ago, and it's honestly not been great. I don't know if I just need to give it more time, because I know it's not been that long and so much can change in just a few months, but with each passing day I miss my home city so much. Living here has been a dream of mine for years, I'd always talk about it ever since high school and every time I visited this city I fell even more in love with it, but now having lived in it I don't feel the same. I used to love going into the busy central cbd areas and going shopping, even if it was by myself, but now every time I try going into the cbd the amount of people gives me terrible anxiety and all I can think is how much I want to go home. I didn't move for university, I just ended up going because I figured I should do something, I quite enjoy my degree, but i'm not getting the university experience I really wanted, and I'm still constantly thinking about how I could be doing the same degree in my home city.

The city i'm in now is supposed to be a cultural hub for arts and music, which are big passions of mine, and partially what inspired me to move. I thought i'd thrive in a place like this but things just don't feel right, and maybe I just feel it because I had high expectations, but the city just feels so big and I feel so small.

I have made some friends here, and they're all lovely, and I do enjoy hanging out with them but my friends in my hometown really are *my* people and I miss them dearly. I still actively talk to them all and I think the fact that even with our busy lives we talk daily does mean something. My hometown friends truly are the sort of friends you KNOW would help you move, or drive you to urgent care in the middle of the night, I think I realised that they are the people I want to spend my 20s with.

It's a little tough because my family back home wants to move here, it's not a huge deal, since I'm already paying my own rent/bills and funding myself, but I do partially feel a little silly about going back home and then my family moving to the state I just left.

I'm visiting for a week or so in December, so maybe I'll just have to see how I feel after visiting, but idk, would it be wrong to move back so soon? This city really was supposed to be better for me in everyway, so maybe i'm writing it off too soon. I just feel very small and lonely here. I'd love to know people's thoughts or if they've moved back at anypoint

Hello, my partner and I are looking to move to the Midwest. We’d like good museums (or proximity to them), good nature access (hiking, camping,fishing), preferably not too much snow as my partner wouldn’t enjoy driving in the snow, and not racist with a Hispanic population preferably (my girlfriend is Hispanic) and good labor jobs.

Went through a bad breakup last year, most of my friends are settled down, and I’m disappointed by how little I branched out in my 20’s. I’d like to start fresh in an environment conducive to meeting like minded people.

I have lived in NYC and LA for the past few years near my college and childhood friends. Creative work brought me there, but I never fully resonated with either city but I did enjoy LA when I was younger. I hate the cold but I can deal with the upper 40’s 50’s for a few months. I enjoy hiking, farmers and flea markets, and an occasional drink on the weekends. I’m single but dating isn’t currently at the front of my mind. I prefer a roadtrip or beach bonfire to a night of bar hopping.

I’ve previously lived in Topanga which I enjoyed, but I definitely didn’t have a community up there and commuted to LA. I love Maine and the Sonoma/Mendocino counties in California, but I’m not under the impression that places like these draw the young, creative, crowd I’m looking for.

I do production and photography. I travel a lot for it, but local opportunities still matter. A bonus would be a major airport nearby, but I’m used to a connection as is when I visit my family back east. I would definitely pick up a part time job to immerse myself in the local community.

Thoughts on these option:

Wonderful, well paying job with a boss that will bend over backwards for you, 5 hours away from paradise, with ideal lifestyle opportunities/hobbies and close to family, but crappy air quality, politics, and culture.

Or, 1 hour commute for work by where you wish you could retire in and eventually die in, essentially the most perfect place for you. 3 hour drive from family now becomes 7 hour drive. Less of a long-weekend trip, more of a "for the holidays" trip.

That one hour commute makes me second guess option B, otherwise it'd be a no-brainer. BUT, commute is a slow, forested, and beautiful road with no traffic.

26M. Born and raised in Iowa. Work as an engineer in aerospace field. Looking to relocate within the next 1-2 years. Single and kind of waiting until I relocate to start putting myself out there as the dating scene where I’m at in Iowa is pretty depressing.

Cities in particular I’m looking at are:

1.) - Minneapolis, MN

2.) - St Louis, MO

3.) - Kansas City, MO

4.) - Cincinnati, OH

For background, I really enjoy being active outdoors, exercising, and going to nightclubs. Value a vibrant music and art scene as well. In terms of weather, honestly I don’t mind winter. Care more about which of these places is most sunny regardless of temperatures. However I am able to deal with less than stellar weather if I can compensate with a decent social scene and plenty of activities.

How do these metros compare when it comes to the overall social and dating scene? Particularly meeting new friends in your mid 20s/early 30s as a transplant without deep roots already in the region.

Which is better for living in your 20s, 30s? Interested in hearing perspectives from all sorts of demographics!

My partner and I have the luxury of having 2 decent incomes (though lots of student loan debt) and are trying to determine the best place to move to in the New England area. Originally from outside NYC and lived in Somerville, MA for years and loved it. Unfortunately, it is extremely expensive there and we would like to find a slightly more affordable area. We are considering Northampton, MA, Portland, Maine, Worcester MA. Does anyone have recommendations? Looking for left leaning, safe areas with some public transit or bike infrastructure. Preferably good community vibes to get involved with. Obviously a lot of other things to consider but we are reasonable that nothing will hit all the boxes. We were considering Burlington, VT but have been reading about housing issues and some progressively worsening crime issues. Would love to hear people's thoughts.

I live in a very rural area and earn about $150,000 a year after taxes in a specialized trade. My house is paid off, and staying another 3 to 5 years could put me in a position to work just three days a week. Financially, I have a lot to stay for, but I want marriage and a family, and my dating life is almost nonexistent.

My first relationship lasted six months and ended nine months ago. Outside of that, dating has gone nowhere over the past six years. I really loved being in a relationship: having someone to share everyday life with, look forward to seeing, and build something with. It made me realize how much that companionship means to me and how much I want marriage and a family. Having experienced that, it’s hard to go back to just working and telling myself it’ll happen eventually.

Recently, I visited a city for a wedding and got 15 matches in 72 hours, including women messaging first. At home, I’ve gotten two matches in three months. I know matches don’t guarantee relationships, but the difference made me question how much my location is holding me back. I’m active, enjoy running, and struggle to meet people my age locally. A major city is about 4 1/2 hours away.
I see four options:
1. Stay: Keep building financially while trying to improve my dating opportunities locally.
2. Move permanently: Likely drop to around $55,000 after taxes, but have more opportunities to meet someone. Leaving my career and family would be difficult.
3. Move for 4 to 6 months: Keep my house and work under a licensed employer elsewhere. My concern is whether someone seeking commitment would date me knowing I might leave.
4. Try travel mode: Be upfront about where I live and travel for dates when there’s mutual interest.

What keeps bothering me is that if I don’t change anything, I can almost guarantee I’ll be writing this same post next October. I don’t want to spend years becoming more financially secure while making no progress toward the family I’m hoping to build.
Has anyone actually faced this trade-off? What did you do, and how did it work out?

I’m on the west coast in a place that doesn’t snow. I probably need to stay on the west coast but wow. I miss seasons and snow.

I’m really yearning for a reasonably affordable community that has an artsy vibe and snow. I want to find a place that my newly adulting kids will find interesting so they will be comfortable visiting or consider moving there too when they are ready to settle. For those reasons I would also like to have a good airport in driving distance to make it easier for all of us to visit each other and travel.

I just need to get out of the HCOL area I’m in and I really miss snow and artsy culture.

First, I know this is an absolute unicorn search, so no need to remind me. 

This is my situation - I only lived in urban areas (Chicago, SF, and then Venice (in LA)) and loved the walkability, vibrant street activity, and strong sense of community of all these places. They made me feel alive.

Then I followed my lifelong dream and moved to a rural area in LA and created a life with farm animals. I have no real neighbors, live on a fast canyon road so I can’t even go for a walk, there isn’t a sense of community, and the isolation is bad for my mental health. However, I love my little farm and animals and they are pretty much the only thing that brings me pure joy. 

I love LA but I think it has run its course for me so I’m looking to be in or near an urban, urban-ish, or urban-adjacent area with at least 1/2 acre lots, but preferably over an acre, and has the right zoning. I know I won’t be able to find this in a city core, but I would like some neighbors, at least a little activity around me, and the ability to get to coffee shops or other vibrant third spaces by foot or within a 15-20 minute drive. I find I like areas with tourism or universities because they have more energy, if that gives you a sense. Other desires:

Blue state

Queer-friendly

Western US preferred

I’m also open to smaller liberal towns if they have character and energy.

I’ve been researching this a lot and I know this is wishful thinking, but I thought someone may come up with a solution I haven’t thought of, because I’m really struggling between the places that make me feel alive and part of the world and the things that bring me true joy but keep me isolated.  

For purposes of my research, assume jobs and money are no object.  Also assume that re-homing my animals and visiting someone else’s for my joy fix is off the table. 

Anyone recently moved to a different place, do you guys like it? Where did you move from to where?

Looking to buy a house near the beach in Central CA. Here’s my dilemma. I have 2 kids and I would like them to be able to find jobs and start a life near where they grew up. For people who live in amazing smaller towns, what’s the plan for the kids when they finish college? Anyone have first hand experience, or working through the same situation?

Alright title is a bit fantastical. I live in a small remote mountain town right now. I never intended to live here full time but after a divorce here I am. I've been here two years now the first year was very rough. Didn't know a ton of people, there isn't much going on in town. So i decided to move, ended up buying a house back in august in a city a few hours away.

But now, i'm wondering if i shoulda stayed. I've got a lot of friends here and in the last 3 months its really started to feel like I have a lot of community. I also met an amazing girl and we have hit it off. But now I have a new house thats about a month or two from being ready to move into (renovations).

And now i'm going to start over again in a new city. I'm just feeling very mixed. I tried to think ahead on this before buying the new house. I knew the longer i stayed in this small town the more community i'd build. I knew there was a chance of meeting a potential new partner here. But now to have it all lining up just as i'm leaving is tough.

I'm trying to keep in mind that no one knows the future. No one knows how it would be if i stayed here. The town and the size and remoteness isn't going to change. There are simply more people in the city for more community, more dating. And there is more going on in the city more nightlife, its far far less remote from other towns and cities. I think its still the best plan, it just is rough to leave a kinda nice life for an unknown...