I (F 34) am really looking for advice/ help from specifically military guys who came back from basic/AIT school or girlfriends also dealing with the same thing. My BF (32) just got back home Thursday after being gone for 7 months. We have talked about and had been looking forward to this day since he left. We had a really great supportive and loving relationship throughout his time being gone. However, the last month or so it has shifted a bit. He got a little distant and was just super busy with studying and simply doing AIT life. Since he has been home the past few days, I have barely heard from him. He is beyond distant. Only sends maybe 2 text a day. And just keeps saying "I need to figure my shit out....I have alot of shit going on....im completely overwhelmed and it's not fair to you". I tried to give him an out in our relationship cause I thought that is what he was getting at and he said "I never said anything about not wanting to be together" I am just really struggling and mentally not doing good with the silence and the avoidance. I am trying really hard to be patient and understanding and I knew things were going to automatically go back to how they were. But, given our relationship i thought he would be excited to talk to me and want to see me right away.

Can other guys/ girlfriends share your experience with this and help me understand fully what is going on and what I am supposed to do without further pushing him away. I just feel so hurt and broken.

My husband and I got married May of this year, he's been stationed overseas for years and I'm living in the U.S and we're in the process of getting me to where he is. We've just started the medical/dental screening part but the thing is I don't know what to do at all, I'm so lost and I have no one with experience to ask for help on how to get this all done while I'm here and he's over there. I just received the medical and dental forms today but I don't know whether to go to my primary care doctor or a military doctor for all this stuff. I also recently got the tricare card and dental card letters but the card says im enrolled in Tricare Select overseas so I'm not sure if I can even use it here and how difficult would it even be ( I've also never had insurance before so i don't know how to navigate all that anyway ). I have tried researching everything on Google but I can't get a straight answer for my situation and I'm feeling quite hopeless. We've been trying to get this process moving as fast as possible and I don't want to be the reason we're stuck waiting any longer because I got overwhelmed. I would really appreciate some help and I would be ever so grateful 🙏.

Hi trying to find a dress and wondering if this is appropriate? Any website recs or tips in general appreciated:)

I may just need some hard truths but have little experience with dating somebody while deployed. At what point is somebody just using deployment to ghost? Was seeing somebody for a bit and he made lots of plans for when he returned and said we would be able to keep in touch while he was gone. I heard from him when he first got there, but it’s been about 12 days since I’ve gotten any communication. His cell service was paused so text aren’t showing as iMessage and regular text won’t go through. I see he had an account on WhatsApp but he hasn’t used it to reach out. I’ve heard from some friends that the first few weeks of a new assignment are rough and it can be common for silence at first. I want to give the benefit of the doubt but part of me wonders why he hasn’t just connected to say he’s swamped and will connect when he can. I know that there is no “normal” but at what point do I take it as things are over? Sorry this is so long.

I met my husband later on in his career, and have yet to experience a deployment. However, he became a drill sergeant while we have been married, and it has been pretty difficult. I ended up quitting my job to stay home with our kids, because our schedules conflicted way much to provide stability for our children and just added way too much pressure. When we both worked, we *might* have one day off a month together. Now, I get to see him almost everyday, but its usually after the kids are sleeping and I'm in bed. So, he's here but not here, if that makes sense.

His drill time is ending soon, which means there's a good chance he will be getting deployed afterwards, and I wonder if it will be harder? Obviously I will be extremely worried and anxious with him being gone, but will it be "easier" in a sense than what I am already used to? He seems to think so, but I don't know.

as some pre-text, i’ve had problems with my boyfriends mom since he entered bootcamp. during that time, she’d call me and text me asking about what he was putting in his letters to me, and eventually ended up calling me disrespectful and rude for not disclosing the contents of his letters to her. she told me i was the reason she was depressed while he was in bootcamp.

fast forward to last year (his first ball), his mom (who is WEIRDLY close to all of his friends) ended up going behind his back and asking his friend to buy her a ticket to the ball so she could go. his friend bought it for her, even though my bf did not want her to go. i was upset about this because i found it weird and enmeshed, and i told him very clearly that i was not very excited to go to the ball since she’d be there. he told me she wouldn’t go next year (this year) and that he was upset with her as well.

fast forward to a few months ago, i ask him about his plans for the ball. he said he didn’t want to go and was unsure if he would. a few weeks ago, he said he had the link for tickets, but since it was on a wednesday, it was inconvenient to go. i told him it was inconvenient, but i could take off leave from work if he could get the tickets and get a place for us to stay for a few days near the venue. i told him that if he wants us to go, to let me know and i’ll talk to my supervisors.

he never ended up letting me know, and instead sent the link to his mom and she bought two tickets - one for her and one for him. i don’t even know WHY he sent her the link, but he told me that he didn’t think i’d want to go…. so he’s just going to stay in the barracks and let his mom go by herself. i reexplained how that’s weird, how their relationship is weird, how they need to have better boundaries, and how he needs to take accountability. he genuinely did not understand why i was upset. mind you, this is a pattern of behavior from her (she calls him several times a day, goes to his friends’ houses when he isn’t even there or doesn’t tell him that she’s going, relies on him to do work for her). i broke up with him over it…. am i overreacting??

First time with an army guy we've been together for 3 years. I know they have gone through a lot he doesn't talk much about what he went through except he was in combat. I met him 1 year after he came home from a 3 year deployment, he was in the Army infantry for 18 years.

He has a huge heart, he shows me he loves me through his actions (supports me, we travel a lot, does tasks that helps me out, moved across the country to be with me, supportive of my goals) but not in the way he speaks to me the majority of the time. I just want to further understand what I'm dealing with and how I can help him transition after just retiring from the army. I feel like I've been so patient for the last 3 years that it's coming at the expense of my mental health and ultimately may end our relationship. Most of the time, he's extremely irritable and impatient - I don't know what's going to set him off (ie he'll pop off at someone for cutting him in line or getting his order wrong). Every little inconvenience is the end of the world for him. When he's at home he's a lot more chill, but you can tell he's still on edge. He's been through many therapists / medications.. I know he is aware he's moody / irritable / has PTSD and sometimes he'll just be extra snappy with his responses not even to me but everyone. Never true aggression or anger issues where I am afraid - but it makes communication extremely difficult.

The way he talks to me seems like I'm one of his soldiers and can be very demanding and assertive. He came from a Marine family and no mother figure. His dad talks the same way and can be abrasive. Almost everything is like a demand "Clean the counter" "Give me a spoon" "Move the car" "You need to do xyz" no pleases no thank you unless I remind him or snap at him back. I try to remind him and he'll change his tone and we just move on but I'm turning into a person I don't want to be - always snapping at him back to stand up for myself, and overall just unhappy when I have to bite back. When he's sweet and loving of course it makes a world of a difference - he's my best friend we can joke, laugh and have a good time but that's short lasting until the next thing bothers him. For the most part it's a huge struggle.

Is this personality trait that was acquired in the army or is this just an asshole? How can I help him go about adjusting to civilian life esp in the way he interacts with people whom are not in the service? What therapy has worked that has helped?

Me (18)F is dating my boyfriend (18)M

He is in the army 68w and is going through AIT at the moment and is kind of struggling.
And I’m going through paramedic school and he won’t let me help him study because I am a civilian

But I’m doing good in my classes and can help him
And is there anyway I can slow help him without him knowing or realizing I’m helping him study

We do FaceTime at night when I am doing my homework and he is doing his assignments but we are on different levels of learning as he is just getting into diabetic emergency and cardiac emergency. While I’m on pulmonary and neurological emergencies.

Any advise would be lovely

I need help with ball dresses for my body type lol. I want it to be long sleeve/ quarter sleeve because i don’t like showing my arms. I also wear undergarment so i would like a fabric/ style that shows it less. I have the black dress but i got told that i look like im split in 3 LOL. Here are my past 2 dresses. Plz help.

My fiance is joining the navy here in the next couple weeks. He passed his asvabs with a really high score 88. We are engaged as of right now but I don’t know when we should marry after his boot camp or before? Which one is recommended or better? We’re both 22 have been together for 6 years we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I have custody of my 16 year old sister. Would she be able to come with me? I help financially support her and my 20 year old sister. She has a full time job and helps out with our younger sister but would they even be able to come with me? Is that even an option everything is so expensive and without me helping them they wouldn’t be able to afford rent. Any advice anything helps I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Hello,
I am divorcing my husband. He is a marine. I don’t want to give much away here, but it’s better for both of us if I leave, and I value my physical safety. I can’t seem to get a hold of JAG on any bases near me in Virginia. Does anyone have a contact I could use.

So my partner and I decided to get married in about two months. We already discussed him going to the military but just to be clear, we are not rushing to marry because of the military benefits. We already planned on getting married but because he’s going to the military we decided it would be better to get married 6 months earlier than we originally planned. We didn’t know his ship out date, only that it would be after mid December. We planned a wedding date on Sunday, (Can’t say the exact date), like a week ago, and I found out just now that the recruiter said he’ll ship out Tuesday, (Can’t say the exact date but two days later) Yes it sucks he’s shipping out so soon after our wedding but it’s the circumstance. What do we do in this situation? Will there be enough time for any paperwork and such to be filled out? especially since we only have one week day available before he has to leave. We can’t even get our wedding certificate back to the courts building until that next day since we’re getting married on a Sunday.

I know this is more so a question for sandboxx employees but there isn’t a Reddit page for them. I’m just curious if anyone else has ever wondered this before. I’m not trying to put anything wild in my letters but just curious if they have ever seen anything wild or pay much attention to the pictures that stand out.

It’s absurd that friends are not issued along with PCS orders. Thankfully military spouses are adaptable as hell, so we made a not-your-average (small, alt vibe) Discord to house the kind-hearted oddballs and find our friends

If you are:

[x] kind, drama-free
[x] a lil bit feral
[x] in search of other military-brand chaotic, seasoned spouses to befriend

Then you’re probably one of us. We lean 30s in age and maturity but still behave like 3 raccoons in an OPSEC blouse bc this life is wild and a sense of humor helps. Gamers, crafters, parents, and free thinkers are enthusiastically welcomed

Community is gated, LGBTQ+ safe, OPSEC is mandatory, and drama gets da boot

If all that sounds appealing, DM for an invite link to our Discord server

So for some context I’m 20F and my Fiance is 21M. We’ve been together for a little over a year and he was at bootcamp for our 1 year anniversary and graduated about a month ago at this point. He is currently in AIT and is about 20 minutes away from me. He proposed to me at his bct graduation and we were planning to get married in December, but both my mother and my sister dont approve. My mom actually started to cry when I told her.

My mom and sister both feel as though I haven’t actually lived a life yet and I am setting myself up for failure by marrying him. I am currently in college but I plan to switch to online and continue my degree while he is in the army. They both rag on me a-lot as I am a little childish. But the big problem is that they wont let me grow up. I am constantly being treated as a kid that has to ask permission before doing anything. She even told me that I was “sneaking around” because i didnt tell her right when he proposed.

We both still want to get married but we’ve decided to wait until after he graduates AIT ((probably in February)). If I’m honest I’m really not sure where to go from here. Neither of us have lived without our parents but he is way more independent than I am.

So the main question I really have is this: Do I have on rose colored glasses with wanting to marry him and to go with him to his first duty station?

Hi everyone!! My husband was recently told he will be stationed in Germany at Base Grafenwoehr. I’m currently finishing up my nursing degree, and was wondering if anyone was knowledgeable about whether I’d be able to get a job on base over there or not?? I really hope so, but otherwise I’d start preparing to continue doing upper education online. Thanks in advance!

I had another post on here about how it happened to me. He cheated. But more than that he neglected to tell me about a career opportunity he applied to while at a 2 month training on the other side of the US. The one time drunk blow job cheating is horrible yes, but it seems like more of a symptom of everything else he had going on in his head. Recent loss, commitment issues, apparently avoidance communication issues. When he told me, over FaceTime, about a month into him being gone, we talked for a while. He basically said that he made the decision about the job offer, decided that the relationship wouldn’t work, and so why not get a blowjob. Horrible, horrible behavior, literally no issues in the past, none. Completely pulled my world out from under me. I moved out. We discussed possible reconciling. I was like you can do all of these things that I would need you to do and I still might say no. At this point he’s all “idk if I even want to job anymore. Idk why I always ruin good things. Why would I ruin a stable relationship”. Also at the time, we said when he comes back, we’d have a conversation in person.
Well he comes back tomorrow night. I’m going to be working and then gone over the weekend. But I’m trying to decide if I want an in person conversation still. I think do, but I’m not sure what I want out of it. I want to see his remorse? I want him to see in person the person he betrayed? The person he spent 2 years building a life and relationship with. It’d be amazing to see him beg for forgiveness. But it’d also really hurt to hear him say anything negative about the relationship probably. But maybe it would bring more closure?
Has anyone had an over the phone break up and then still saw each other in person? Or not seen each other and person and you wish you did? Or glad you didn’t?
Me 26F. Him 27M
I should add that we’ve been through other long distance things and a 6 month deployment. And discussed possibly moving places in the future.

Hey everyone,I’m currently navigating my first real experience with a communication blackout, and honestly, I just need a safe space to vent.

My boyfriend (M30) stationed in Okinawa, and I’m Taiwanese(F31) liveing in Taiwan.We’ve been together for about three weeks, and we just had our first amazing in-person date last weekend. and we share permanent locations via Find My,and I know that he's back to the barrack not at field right now.

So deep down, I know he is serious about us and i know he loves me very much, but the sudden shift in communication this week has sent my anxiety through the roof.

He texted me yesterday and said "i love you ,it was going to be a "late, late day" for work". Before he vanished yesterday, he explicitly promised, "I'll text you when I get home," but that text never came.

I managed to hold myself back from calling him. Before I headed into work today, I left him a sweet, supportive text telling him I love him, and tell him even a quick "gonna be busy for a few days" would be enough so I don’t overthink. But my iMessage is still sitting on "Delivered" till now.

How do you cope with the broken promises of "I'll text you when I get home" due to pure exhaustion?

Any kind words or advice from everyone would mean the world to me right now. Thank you. ❤️

My boyfriend (25M) and I (22F) are long-distance. He’s stationed in Hawaii, while I’m in New England, so we have about a six-hour time difference.
We met on Hinge last summer while he was taking classes for a new position on his ship. For the first 3–4 months, we got to see each other almost daily, so adjusting to long distance was a big change.
Around this time last year, he was deployed while I was in college, and honestly, I found deployment surprisingly easy compared to our current situation. I had a routine: I went to school or work, lived my life, and wrote him an email at the end of the day. Since replies could take weeks or even months, I didn’t have any expectations for constant communication.
Now that he’s back above water, I thought being able to talk more regularly and in real time would make things easier, but I’ve found the opposite to be true. I usually talk to him around noon my time (6 a.m. his time) for about an hour before he goes about his day. Then I might not hear from him again until 9 p.m. my time, when he gets off work. We text on and off until I fall asleep, and then repeat the cycle the next day.
I think what makes this harder is that we can communicate more often, but it doesn’t necessarily feel like we’re spending quality time together. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting for the next time we can talk, whereas during deployment, I had a routine and could focus on my own life without those expectations.
Right now, I’m looking forward to our upcoming trips. I’ll be meeting his mom for the first time at Thanksgiving in November, and we’re hoping to go to Japan together for Christmas, depending on whether his command approves international travel. Hopefully, he’ll also be stationed at a base about an hour away from me sometime next summer.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you ever find that deployment was easier than the period afterward, when you could communicate more often but still struggled to feel connected? I feel a little bad saying this because I know deployment is difficult for so many military SOs, but I’m curious if anyone else can relate.

My husband left a few weeks ago now for BMT so I have not heard from him at all via call or message of a sort in two weeks and I’m handling it really well? I just wanted to share because I don’t really see people posting about feeling this way and kind of just wanted to see others thoughts or experiences.
I’m naturally a very anxious person so this is kind of weird to me that I actually am at peace. I really only have cried the day of and weekend of when I got that 72 hour phone call and heard his emotions. Otherwise I’ve kept myself busy-working full time at a job I enjoy, spending time with friends, doing my hobbies. I’ve been sleeping good at night, able to function just fine. I promise I love my husband and literally wish I could spend every minute together, but I’m not “falling apart” with him gone and am very trusting of the situation which is so weird.

I wonder part of it maybe is object permanence? He’s not here, I can’t see him, can’t talk to him, so I just don’t always think about it. But yet, it’s not that I’ve forgotten about him- I think about him every day. But that’s kind of why I wonder if it’ll actually be harder for me when he’s in tech school and CAN contact me, then I wonder if I’ll be more anxious knowing he can respond and talking to him everyday but still being just out of reach. Does that make sense? They say no news is good news so the fact I really don’t know anything about his day to day at BMT gives me trust that all is well and I just carry on. I think having the opportunity to talk to him would make me more anxious to miss him more because I have that inch.

It’s still only the first few weeks, so who knows, things could change, just thought I would share my positive experience so far!