I 13F keep getting called “grown” and just got called “grown” again by my grandma
So my braids are getting old, I have a four-day weekend in school this week and I wanna take my braids down. I have like $100-$150 which I can use to get a Barbie ponytail which I want. I told my grandma about this and I showed her the inspo pic and then she was like, that’s too long if you wanna be grown go ahead but just don’t ask me for no more advice, blah blah blah and I don’t even think I’m trying to be grown. It’s just a hairstyle and I feel like it gets to a point in the black community with kids being “grown” like I genuinely don’t get how red nail polish is grown it’s just red nail polish and I keep getting called grown for wanting to do basic girly things by my grandma and I don’t know. I just want to know if I’m being dramatic or if I’m actually being grown
Link to inspo pic if you’d like to see the style
Ponytail Inspiration

I’m 29M and for me it’s normal to affectionately call black women mi azúcarita morena (my little brown sugar), mi bizcochito nutella (my nutella cupcake), mi bombón caramelo (my caramel candy), etc. I know these sound funny in English, but in Spanish it’s very normal to be a corny loverboy lol. However, I was recently told that talking to a black woman like this in English can be offensive or fetishizing. I am afrolatino myself, so I don’t have a fetish or weird intentions behind it. Thoughts?

For further context, afrolatinas often refer to me as caramelito (little caramel), cafecito con leche (coffee with milk), dulce de coco (coconut candy) because of my skin color.

Yeaaah, so I’m struggling making friends with black women. I want to so bad, but I feel I may be too socially awkward when it’s the first time talking. I’m very polite and usually lead with small talk and try to get to know them, but I feel like it leads to a dead end.

I’m a 28 year old women that’s a full time student, spend my off time either coding, creating ceramics, knitting, or looking for new R&B jazz lounges/cafes.

I crave that commonality. It’s not to offend my standing friends I already have, but connecting with black women is a different/comforting level that I can only get with my own race. I can talk about hair, converse about misogynoir, and cultured topics.

I always try to work on the way I approach and hold conversations and would think I’m pretty calm and chill. Either they ghost or they try to date me… (yeah, it does go that route).

I’ve joined the black student union at school, and I feel I get treated like a child because of how shy and polite I am, or people try to “little sis” me.

Just ahhh, yeah.

Any advice??

Need some advice for something I’ve never thought of doing in my life but I’m trying to get out of my shell. I’m in college and saw this guy that is really cute but we have never spoke. I want to talk to him but need advice on how to start off?

Are there any ladies in this group that own a cleaning business? I have about 11 years of cleaning experience and also supervisory experience. I worked in hospitals, construction sites, residential, hospitality, and food sanitation amongst many other areas of cleaning. I want to start my own business, but I don’t have an actual clue of where I need to start. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to start working for myself and to stop working underneath others. I don’t have a huge budget. I’d say my budget is about $300. I also do rely on public transportation for the time being until I can get a car. I do need help with starting up my business because I don’t want to make the wrong move with planning. I would like to do medical cleaning or commercial cleaning but I am not sure how I personally could get exposure for clients and etc.

I was just thinking about this now! I understand the origin of a lot of the lookism comments: colorism, featurism, texturism (misogynoir) I guess preferring lighter skin women or smaller noses or women with weave etc … it’s coming from a EUROCENTRIC gaze because it about white proximity ! I think it’s hard to find a date with a black or biracial man as a black women UNLESS you are conventionally attractive OR know how to attract a certain type of guy with your look e.g some black women archetypes: baddie, nerdy, anime, earthy, alt … unfortunately so many men just go for looks before trying to know a woman personally and get surprised we have so much to offer ! I find it hard to find a guy who GENUINELY appreciates Afrocentric features (they exist but you must dig hard). Most to the discourse about black men not wanting women is online ngl just like EXAGGERATED- in real life it’s barely spoken … another way I know social media is not real life or in chronically online! In real life most people don’t even mention this stuff AS MUCH ! What do you think 🤔?

I'm 17m. My mom asked me to move out because of my hair!!! Yea, crazy how I knew this would happen but I still did it anyway. Why?? Because I'm a boy in an African home who decided to keep my hair and not cut it anymore. To me, my hair is not “just hair”, it's a representation of who I am and what I stand for. I recently started braiding my hair because I wanted to experiment different styles and to also grow my hair out. Did this for like four months without my mom knowing because I usually wear a beanie over it when I'm going to work. I've had my first share of questionable looks and utter disbelief from strangers when I first had my hair done. With people asking if I was a girl or wanted to be one, or confused if I was indeed a girl( because I kinda look like a girl in the face). Started to doubt my decision but remembered why I decided to do it in the first place, It took sometime before I started to feel comfortable and confident about it. I've never been one to agree and support the popular notion that African 4c hair is scanty, unkempt and unprofessional. Why do others have the privilege of keeping their hair the way it is while black people have to either cut their hair short or straighten it just to be seen by society as responsible. It's not like there's any proven statement that says short hair or hair in general prevents one from studying or being responsible and successful in society. ALSO, I don't know why boys who keep their hair in any style apart from a buzz cut or fade are seen as rascals, delinquents or criminals. As if cutting our hair to a ridiculous level and killing our confidence and identity just to get accepted into high school isn't enough….just to go through this??But anyways I digress, eventually people who knew my mom saw me with my hair and told her about it. She obviously denied it and didn't believe it at first, even got into a really serious altercation with the last unfortunate informat that told her. Only for her to come home expecting to be be right but sikes!!!! She wasn't. I told her that it was true that I got my hair done. All hell broke loose( typical conservative Ghanaian mom behavior). I let her talk her talk all she wanted for as long as she felt was right. I'm not one to argue or talk back when someone is already angry or stressed. But eventually she asked me to take down my hair and cut it short as possible or MOVE OUT that instant. I tried explaining after I thought she had calmed down a bit but her mind seemed to be made up. So now I've been given an ultimatum but I ain't doing either. Not because I don't respect her or understand where she's coming from, but because I've decided to be true to myself and not give her or the people who told her the pleasure of seeing my hair being cut. Maybe she'll come around…maybe not. But I still wish she'd choose her own blood over what people say. So what do you guys think I should do??

I had to fly to Atlanta for an event. I ended up stopping by a salon to get my hair pressed. I’ve been no heat since I was about 13, but I wanted to look nice. I just washed and I plan to get it braided tomorrow. While washing it, I thought that he was just very heavy handed with the product he used. the soap did not lather the first two times I tried to wash it. I washed it around a total like four or five times with a clarifying shampoo to get it fully clean. Then I start to smell burnt hair and my entire curl pattern all over my head looks looser. Is this something I’m going to have to cut off? What should I do? Is it fine and maybe just it still has product buildup or needs hydration should I use a bonding treatment? I always wear an Afro so I really do not know what to do. Please help!

whenever i say this i get a lot of push back but black women genuinely look soo beautiful with their natural hair.

whenever i see black women with straight wigs i can’t help but think how much better they would look with big fluffy hair. it suits us sooo much better!

even in my experience since i started wearing my natural 4c hair i get a lot more attention. it really does make you more confident the more you wear it.

natural hair amplifies your beauty, makes you stand out, and really connects you to your identity as a black person.

black women are truly the gift that keeps on giving and i wish more of us can tap in to our uniqueness :)

Edit:

I also want to include locs (especially free forms), twa(teeny weeny afros), waves, braids,... every hairstyle where our coils are the star is magical!! <3

It sounds like a weird question but does anyone have any tips when dealing with negative/ contrastive conversations about you by parents been said.

Basically to keep it brief my parents have had conversations that I feel in the moment are negative or like attacking me. I don’t know what to do because my emotions as their child are a bit heightened and I want to balance my mental state. Let me know if you have any tips please.

I’ve been casually seeing this guy since July. We both have busy schedules, but whenever we see each other, we always have a good time. Lately, I’ve noticed myself catching feelings, which is rare for me, and I find myself missing him and thinking about him more than expected. 😭

The thing is, I’m not even sure I’m ready for a relationship right now, so I’m confused about what to do. Should I let things play out, talk to him about where his head is at to get clarity, or take a step back so I don’t get overly invested? I’d love to hear your advice because I’m honestly trying to figure this out lol.

I have very thick 4B hair and I'm considering straightening it. I like changing my hair up, over the years I've had locs, braids, natural, and even cut short. Since I'm turning 20 soon I wanna do something big for my birthday and want to try getting a treatment but I don't know where to start. I would love some help and advice

He’s so annoying and corny and keeps popping up on the internet on my fyp!
It’s just like really stupid like corny generic surface level advice
His whole page gives manosphere or some pretty boy vibes or just stupid ness - looksmaxxing. He even said MOST men would prefer a girl who works at McDonald than a degree eww
It’s like he is PAID to come on the internet spewing rubbish and annoying everyone and being ragebait or mocked !
He thinks he’s so and attractive like he’s cutish but the arrogance and ego puts me off !
“being Too attractive will make your ass single” Really?
I wonder if it’s ragebait or satire at this point.Being TOO attractive will make your ass SINGLE

I understand colourism and pretty privilege and how it affects women based on dating work promotions and treatment by white people …
I also think it’s sad and another way to divide people in our own race.
Some “lightskin” girls are PRETTY and benefit off colourism and pretty privilege!
Some “darkskin” girls are PRETTY and benefit from pretty privilege and not colourism.

Some lightskin girls are mid
Some darkskin girls are mid
AND
We all know a lot of Mid white girls

It’s strange how people act like it’s a race or superiority thing when it’s just skin colour obviously it’s influenced by white supremacy and proximity to Eurocentric standards (including featurism texturism)

I think if a black person is attractive women man light brown black - they are attractive PERIOD!
And it’s their features or personality NOT skin colour!
The reverse effect of colourism on LIGHTSKIN men is actually really shocking 😮!
It’s a shame how it’s based on complexion and prejudice!

they have so mane rules and it’s hard to get your point across, like it’s so hard I get they’re trying to filter it so that non black ppl don’t larp or join in on the conversation but sometimes I want to share something but I can’t because of their tight rules some that I can’t share here but because I have low karma I’m not able to post etc..

I have four Sephora codes for the sale, lmk if you are interested and I’ll dm them to you.

Edit: Codes have been sent! I’ll do this again for the next sale that has them.

There is a streamer named Yonna Jay, and she's a 19-year-old black streamer. She streams on Twitch and on Kick a lot.

People claim that they don't like her because sometimes she acts like a child, but I don't think she acts like a kid. I think she just has a bubbly personality. But I really hate how people talk about her. They would say things like "this is a grown ass adult" or "this is a grown ass woman acting this way" grown ass woman??? that girl is not even 20 yet. What do you mean "grown woman"

Me personally, when I think of a "grown ass woman" I don't think of a 19 year-old. I think of, let's say, a 28-year-old with children and a husband in a mortgage. Not a teenager. For some reason, everybody has a huge boner with aging up black girls and making seem older than what they actually are. adultification bias. Black girls as young as 11 are as less protected, seen as more sexually mature, and are expected to be grown adults when they are still very much children.

What pisses me off even more is that there is another male streamer named Rakai who is 17, and he arguably acts a lot worse than Yonna. But people pass that off as "just a teenager being a teenager" or just him being an immature kid. Oh! So he's an immature kid, but Yonna is a "grown woman" who acts like a child? You see how weird that sounds?

I am a black girl who is the same age as Yonna, and the phenomenon where black girls are aged up as a real phenomenon, and it's very dangerous. Why can't we just allow Yonna to be a goofy teenager? Black girls aren't allowed to be young or whimsical or bubbly and it's very upsetting.

Oddly growing up as a black girl/teen I feel like I did not experience a alot of adultification like others may have. Growing up I experienced higher levels of social anxiety where I literally unable to converse with my peers. Because of this people at school either ignored me, took the lead in group projects and did things for me, or teased me. I think it's because they perceived me to be "special" (maybe I am). But I was in the honor classes and stuff. Even when certain boys did bully or tease me I did not give them a reaction or even respond to them that was just my personality. I did end up reporting certain behavior.

I saw a good comment about how black women are expected and perceived to be warriors and strong/tough to the point where it would be more revolutionary for a black women to be portrayed as a damsel in distress.

what do you all think?

I recently deactivated my twitter account and I’m missing it. 🥴🤦🏽‍♀️ twitter was my favorite app.

So I had my hair straightened for the first time since middle school, and it looked awesome except my ends were shattered. They looked terrible. It makes me want to be a straight girly, but at the same time I feel like i should give my hair break in between pressing it by keeping it natural by wearing an Afro.

how can I seal my ends while I have my fro out so that it doesn’t break off and damage my ends?

what tools can I use to straighten my hair? I was looking at the wavy talk dryer brush set, or just hairdryer and thermal brush-wavy talk is cheap but I’m open to other brands. I’ve never done my hair like this.

Also, any recommendations for serums heat protectants?

4B/4c type hair -is often dry 🙇🏾‍♀️ was tailbone but I had to get 2-3 inches cut off.

THANK YOU!

I watched this movie yesterday and it’s the second amazing thriller-like movie I’ve seen Naomi ackie in, it’s a bit gorey but I really liked it. Yall should watch!

My wife said she wanted Jewelry for Christmas. I’m probably going to do a mix of Sterling Silver (since we live in Wyoming), but have no idea where I could order high quality African jewelry. I just want to get her something that’s relevant to her culture.

If it matters at all, she’s very dark skinned, so I’m pretty sure a lot of it will match her. Nothing to flamboyant (she’s not into extremely showy things). I just want to get her something nice .

Thank you.

So I live in Atlanta, right outside the north part of the city. I was just in Ulta and this black woman complimented my hair and she started making conversation. I’m always suspicious of ppl who try to talk to me in public bc I generally never get approached unless someone wants something from me like money. But I always try to be open minded.

Anyways we’re making small talk and she asks me where I went to school and what I do for work. I tell her, and she tells me what she does for work, and she starts going into this spiel about wanting to retire early and trying to earn enough to retire in her 30s, and how she’s sought out many mentors who were able to do the same so they can help her get there as well.

Once she said that, I immediately tried to segue out of the convo bc this has happened to me twice before, the third being tonight, where I randomly get approached by a woman and all three ladies followed the exact same script of asking me about myself at first and then talking abt financial freedom and retiring early. The first time it happened was maybe some time earlier this year, it happened again this summer, and then tonight. And all three encounters happened in or around the same part of town.

What’s so weird though is none of them ever asked me for anything or for money or to sign up for something. They just all talked about financial freedom and retiring early and that was it. They all were black women as well, and were with someone when our convo was happening, but the person they were with was always off to the side not saying anything.

Anyone in atl know what this could be about?