I read My Antonia, and at the start I wasn't thrilled, the meandering memories of early childhood felt pointless.
But by the time I got to the end, I turned right back around to page one and started all over- it was that good(and that depressing.)
The Author didn't start out by declaring a promise-n-progress, or spell out how every event related to themes- or to Antonia- the supposed focus. There was no handholding.
Once I began to recognize the pattern in events, pondering how each tied into another, and noticing how every single detail foiled into the deeper re-occuring meaning- it felt very rewarding and beautiful
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Losing The Past
At the center, this book was about past memories, their influence in shaping us years later, as well as the nostolgia and idolization we feel as we peer back at them.
Nostolgia, that pange we feel in our guts as we think back- is the pain of loss imo. We think back to our childhood, and are saddened that that world no longer exists.
We think about to our old friends we know no longer. We think about loved ones who've passed away.
There is a feeling of loss, which this book centers around, and I feel the author's thesis, is that that there isn't a real loss(or rather we should look at it as a glass half-full)- because those memories still exist within us, the version of the people we remeber, will always stay with us and shape us- and that's real.
It maybe faint or hard to see, but their footprints will influence the new roads of the changing world.
That is the "My" In My Antonia, the version of her he knew, will always stay with him, even if they never meet again. Just like Antonia's father will always stay with her.
And not always postively as well, Peter and Pauvel, the Russians, tried to escape their terrible past by going from country to country. New lands, new faces, etc. But the memory lingered and haunted them, to a deathbed.
As I read the second time around, Antonia felt beyond just a character, but a metaphorical vessal for nostolgia.
Each time Jim avoided visting Antonia due to his idolization and expectations, it was an idolization of those past memories, the expectations and loss, and each time he did come back, he re-examines the past, and although alot had changed- he still found the same fire he remebered all those years ago.
The poem the Tramp had in his pocket before comiting suicide, is a real poem that hits at the crux; Poem: The Old Oaken Bucket
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A Story of Immigrants
I loved hearing about the immigrant experience during this era of America, Norweigien, Bohemian, and Danish immigrant waves- the attitudes of natives towards said immigrants, and the exploration of culture, religion, etc.
One of the saddening and interesting empahsis occured after Antonia's father had passed away.
Antonia worked in the fields while our MC went to school. And although Antonia enjoyed the work, I felt part of that point that she had no choice. This was the stark contrast marked in their childhoods.
And I was contstantly thinking about the expectations characeter's had of Antonia, Jim wanting her to behave as his childhood friend again, his grandmother wanting her to be "lady-like" instead of "working as a man" in the fields.
But she could not afford to, she did not have the privilages Jim had.
Although it did not absolve Mrs Shimmerda of her nasty attitude, I felt this theme also applied to her behavior, as the grandmother had put it, "But, you see, a body never knows what traits poverty might bring out in ’em."
It was these tragic differences that fascinated me, and left me with the conclusion that to be benevolant and kind takes strenght and privilage, while being in poverty can easily be interperted as uglyness.
These themes carried fourth in the city saga of the story,
“Maybe I be the kind of girl you like better, now I come to town,” she suggested hopefully.
The contrast between the city children and the immigrant girls, their work drive, family solidarity, Jim's ability to see the virtue and strenght in them that would cause them greater success over the native populations, while it was so easy for Natives to look down upon them, was a fantastic exploration,
And feels more relevant than ever today in the current climate of immigrant experiences and politcs
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Quiet Feminism
Although never explicitly talked about, a large percentage of the cast of characters we women/girls. Although always framed as the immigrant experience, all the city experiences were centered around the immigrant girls, as they worked as helping hands to send money back to their farming families.
The thing I loved most, was there wasn't a single awnser or outcome. Antonia, Lena, Tiny, and all of the immigrant girls, compared and contrasted throughout the story- ended up in many different lives and situations.
Antonia back on a farm, Lena with her clothing buisness and Tiny as the hardened entrepreneur. Yet all of them and their differing outcomes were dealt such dignity, there wasn't a single way to win or to live, despite what other character's may have expected or thought.
All different and thriving in their own unique ways, different values, lives, etc.
Antonia's ending purposefully contrasts her begining, the same elements, farm life, family, city-sick husband, many children, all the same ingrendients, but a very different outcome. Thriving instead of suffering, warmth instead of cold, happiness bubbling out.
Its the same setting, but one step further, one generation ahead- and we can see the hard work paying out.
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Conclusion
There is so much more I could rant and ramble about, every detail, every moment seemed to foil into one theme or another.
A juvinille part of me couldn't help but wonder what life might've been like if Jim and Antonia had gotten together. And a wishful part of me couldn't help but wonder if Antonia's protectiveness over Jim was a bit of jealousy as well as keeping him at arms lenght, knowing his destiny was different, and trying to protect that.
This ended up such a beautiful novel, at the end of it I felt the pange of notolsgia thinking of the start.
For anyone who has read it,
What were your greatest takeways? Favorite characters, memories, themes? Why did Jim never talk about his parent's or memories prior to moving in with his grandparents?
I had the sense of coming home to myself, and of having found out what a little circle man’s experience is. For Ántonia and for me, this had been the road of Destiny; had taken us to those early accidents of for tune which predetermined for us all that we can ever be. Now I understood that the same road was to bring us together again. What ever we had missed, we possessed together the precious, the incommunicable past.