Genuinely unsure how one knows whether or not they’re physically dependent on alcohol.

📢 Dans le cadre de mon mémoire de Master 2 en psychologie à l’Université Paris Cité, je mène une étude sur la consommation d’alcool chez les femmes, les représentations qui y sont associées et le rapport au changement.

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La première étape consiste à remplir une série de questionnaires en ligne (15 à 20 minutes). Vos réponses sont anonymes et confidentielles. Vous pourrez ensuite, si vous le souhaitez, participer à un entretien de recherche individuel à propos de votre vécu (environ 30 minutes).

Chaque participation est précieuse pour nous aider à mieux comprendre vos difficultés !

🙏 N’hésitez pas à participer ou à partager autour de vous. Merci beaucoup pour votre aide !

LIEN DU QUESTIONNAIRE : https://sondage.app.u-paris.fr/373536?lang=fr

I know probably no medical advice or whatever here but am looking for any insight. At like 1-1.75L of vodka a day, idk I'm not really counting the bottles at this point. Waking up shaking and puking with 170 BPM heart rate and feeling like I'm going to die every day. It's not sustainable and I don't want to do this anymore. Truly my lowest point right now. Can I just slow it down and get off the train or am I fucked. I can't really afford to spend several days in the hospital

one day after waking up hungover I just thought “you know what I dont want to do this anymore lol” I’m still far from psychologically “healed” but god I absolutely don’t miss all the physical symptoms. I’m fortunate that there’s no organ damage (except maybe my frontal lobe lol). so if I can do it then you all can too

These days when I drink, I don’t really feel much of anything, I don’t feel drunk, I don’t slur my words, I feel tipsy, so I keep drinking all night. I never even get sick often anymore.

But so often these days, people recount things I’ve said, things I’ve done, and I just have zero memory of

I’m blacking out almost every time I drink and have no idea why, I barely even feel drunk and have no idea at what point of the night I get to be back out.

How do I stop this from happening? Is this something that happens when you drink too often? I only drink after 6pm after my work day is over.

I feel like I haven’t been classic drunk in ages, there is no reason for my mildly drunk feeling to result in a black out like that.

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share something because I’m genuinely so damn proud of my dad, and I think what he’s been working on could actually help some people here.

Growing up, my dad’s alcoholism had a huge impact on my life. He was in and out of it constantly, and I watched him go through the brutal cycle of getting sober and relapsing more times than I can count.

As a kid, there’s really nothing you can do about that. You just watch someone you love keep going back to something that’s destroying them. It was heartbreaking, and there were times when I genuinely didn’t know if he’d ever make it out.

Well, today he’s 7 years sober! And when I say he’s a completely different person, I mean it.

He goes to AA every morning, sometimes running the meetings himself. He spends hours on the phone talking to his sponsees, helping them through the same things he spent years fighting. Recovery is such a huge part of his life now, and the amount of wisdom and compassion he’s gained through it is honestly incredible.
It’s still kind of surreal to me that the man who was absent for so much of my childhood is now someone other people turn to when they’re struggling to stay sober.

Which brings me to why I’m posting this.

My dad recently built an app entirely by himself called AA Just Today (Amor Design Group)

He wanted to make something for people in recovery because he knows firsthand how much it helps to have the right support and resources available, especially on those really difficult days.

He was frustrated with how many different apps people end up needing for meetings, readings, journaling, sobriety tracking, and everything else. So he decided to try putting them all in one place. And he actually did it. By himself. Lol.

It’s got a meeting finder for in-person and online AA meetings, a sobriety counter with milestone coins, Big Book readings, prayers, a private journal, gratitude lists, guided breathing and meditation, and a whole library of speaker recordings and workshops.

One of my favorite things is the speaker recordings. There are over 1,000 of them in the expanded library. I can imagine how much it might mean to someone who’s having a terrible night to just put their headphones on and listen to somebody who’s been exactly where they are.

The app is free, there are zero ads, and the core recovery tools are free to use. There is an optional premium subscription for some of the expanded features and content, but you don’t need to pay to use the basic recovery tools.

I also want to be transparent that this is my dad’s app.

I’m not some random person recommending something I stumbled across. I’m his son, and I’m sharing it because I’ve watched what he’s overcome and how much of himself he’s put into helping other people.

He doesn’t have some big marketing budget or team behind this. He’s just one guy in recovery who decided to build something he thought could help others.
The app is called AA Just Today, by Amor Design Group. It’s on both the Apple App Store and Google Play.

If even one person here finds it useful, that would genuinely make me happy.

I guess I just wanted to share this because for a long time, I didn’t know if I’d ever get my dad back. And now here he is, seven years sober, spending his days helping other people get their lives back too.

I’m really fucking proud of him.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

I am having a mental health crisis these days. Lots of old trauma coming to the surface that I haven’t needed to think about in years. I self medicate with alcohol but haven’t been sleeping so my doctor prescribed me sleeping pills. It turns out they are the kind where you may stop breathing if you mix with alcohol. I was aware of that and took them anyways after drinking heavily. I wrote a note to my partner just in case to explain what happened, apologize and say I loved him.

I’m shattered. I had a sincere attempt almost 20 years ago and remember the feeling of ambivalence about being alive back then too. I never wanted to go back there but here I am.

For some reason, I feel weirdly hopeful. I used to have a drug problem but refused to touch them again after having a scare. I actually feel disgusted by and terrified of alcohol thinking about this. I never want to feel like that again. Maybe this is the thing that will get me to stop. I had a period of sobriety before and the disgust / fear of alcohol was a big reason I was successfully able to quit.

In the last year my partner and I both started drinking a lot more than normal. It’s been a stressful year. Recently I started to think that perhaps it’s been getting a bit too much. On any given guidelines we’d be described as heavy drinkers. (Multiple drinks, most nights.)

Tonight, I approached my partner and said I’d like to do a Dry November to reset and if he could be on board with there being no alcohol in the house (no limits on him drinking elsewhere). I explained I thought that I was maybe starting to have a problem. He first hesitated, said maybe, and then later said he preferred having a beer after work so didn’t really want to.

It felt quite selfish and unsupportive of him, but I wonder if there is any other read? Is it unreasonable to impose a dry month on the household?

Slammed my way through an entire 12 pack of those shitty 8% White Claws and ruined what had been up to that point a more or less successful attempt to taper off. I didn't really eat anything at all, my BP must be astronomical, and I keep having these random flashes of complete panic. I'm slowly sipping another one now trying to keep a super ugly withdrawal at bay and hoping it'll get me to a point where I can force myself to eat something. Back to square one, I guess. Has anyone here ever played Disco Elysium? I keep thinking about the line "I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore."

Curious about anyone else's experience* whose been given this butt pee accelerant outpatient style. Ty in advance.

I meant to detox this weekend after about a 2 week bender. I called a couple places near me and they wouldn't give me a 3 day detox over the weekend, they insisted on 7 to 10. So i told myself I'd do it by myself then but the WDs kick in and I just couldn't handle it. I have diazepam but haven't taken it, it doesn't touch the WD feelings very well. Just bought another bottle. I need to get off this fucking ride.

This is my first time ever posting on Reddit, so here goes nothing.

I’ve been drinking daily for years, but things have gotten significantly worse over the last 6 months following a horrible breakup and becoming a single mom.

What I drink varies, but it’s every single day. Some nights it’s a bottle of wine, other nights it’s 2–3 BuzzBalls, or sometimes 350ml of Tito’s (straight shots, not mixed). I typically don’t start drinking until around 5pm, but once I start, I drink until I’m drunk.

At my last doctor’s appointment, I was told my liver enzymes were mildly elevated and my cholesterol was a little high. My doctor said that if I stop drinking, there’s a good chance those numbers can improve without medication.

And I WANT to stop. So badly.

But I’m terrified of withdrawal. Specifically, having a seizure or developing DTs. Inpatient treatment isn’t really an option for me because I don’t have anyone to care for my daughter. My therapist prescribed me fourteen 0.5mg Ativan tablets and instructed me to take one when I start experiencing withdrawal symptoms. But my anxiety keeps telling me that won’t be enough to protect me from something serious happening.
I’m just so tired.

Tired of getting drunk and damaging relationships. Tired of waking up hungover, trying to piece together what I said or did the night before. Tired of being exhausted at work and barely meeting deadlines. And most importantly, tired of my daughter never knowing which version of her mom she’s going to get that evening.

My own mother struggled with alcoholism and passed away when I was just 10 years old. I cannot stand the thought of putting my daughter through anything remotely similar.
The crazy thing is, I quit smoking weed cold turkey about 7 months ago without much trouble. But alcohol? This feels like an entirely different battle.

I’ve managed to keep working and functioning, and from the outside, most people probably wouldn’t even realize I have a problem. My best friend is the only person who knows how much I actually drink.
And now you guys.

I genuinely don’t even remember what life feels like without alcohol. Part of me is terrified of the physical withdrawal, and another part is terrified of getting sober and having to face all the things I’ve damaged while drinking.
But I know I can’t keep living like this.

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting this. Maybe I just needed to finally admit it somewhere other than inside my own head.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, especially drinking daily for years, how did you finally stop? How did you deal with the fear of withdrawal? And for those of you who have been sober for a while, does life genuinely start to feel good again?

I could really use some hope right now.

Trying to assess where my baseline is and actual count units. My feet hurt, my legs are weak, already threw up once and feel like I could sleep 18 hours. Not sure if the nausea was WDs or just general stomach damage (thats the only symptom I’ve had).

I think I’m at ~10 units/24h… am an around the clocker unfortunately.

6pm and I’ve had one tall white claw and two single shot mixed drinks spread out over like 6 hours.

Have a work event on Thursday and would really like to be feeling better by then. Hoping to land this crazy plane this time!! Happy Saturday

I didn't drink today. Got ice cream instead and watched its always sunny with friends. Thank you for the support 🙏 ❤️

Hey!

I've been sober for more than 1,5 years and I keep having nightmares in which I drink. They are horrible and often face topics like losing control over myself, shame, self hatred, panic,... the emotions come VERY strong in these dreams. The good thing is that they are a reminder why it's so good I don't drink anymore, but on the other hand, I really don't crave alcohol anymore, because I know how much it ruined me. Still, those dreams keep popping up.

Does anyone have those kind of dreams too?

Started off sleep paralysis waking in my bedroom, scream for help and brother knocks on door saying he’s coming in. Door opens but he doesn’t come in immediately, instead see a silhouette of a “person” that slowly walks in being a distorted shadow demon with a big grin on face. He tells me don’t worry I’m here to help in my brothers voice, never stopping grinning. Slowly walks over to me as I can’t move and starts choking me.

Wake up screaming, but not actually awake yet, just a loop. But this time my grandpa knocks on door and says he’s coming in. Looks normal and rushes over to my side saying don’t worry everything will be alright. His face then splits apart revealing a multi row teeth demon monster and a tongue grabs me then pulls me into its mouth.

“Wake up” again, everything seems fine, take a long sigh blink, after open eyes again full on demonic masquerade going on in my house. One crimson demon on fire goes well well I guess the guess is awake. The nutcrackers in my bedroom start speaking one going “I call a rib”, the other saying “I’m more of a foot nutcracker myself” then they constantly start laughing.

Freaking out I have my phone to call 911 thinking I’m in DT’s, pick up phone and as about to press phone button it just melts off. Full panic, call out to Siri to call 911, normal girl voice response “why, help isn’t going to come”. I yell again Siri call 911 and now the women’s voice in a heightened distorted voice yells back I already said no one is going to come. Then my phone goes black but now the girl is laughing. I have 5 various things in my room, burning demon, shadow monster, gargoyle looking thing, and can’t remember the other 2.

So I get up and run out of my room hoping I can go outside and find someone. But no, the entire house is a demonic/monster masquerade filled with what I can only describe as a gathering of everything evil possible in hell. Hear a loud clock ticking, I just knew when the clock hit 12 something really bad was gonna happen, and I had 2 minutes. Run to the front door to get out then take a step and there is no ground, down below is only what I would call the pits of hell. Then hear the clock go off. One of the demons say it’s time to feast, then all rush at me, I decide to just fall into the pit.

I finally actually really wake up, and that whole occurrence was just 1 hour.

This was the first night after a bender of 2 and 60% of another 1.75L rum in 7 days. I passed out day 7 trying to order another one.

I’m now 77 hours since last drink and feel pretty decent but still not good really yet.

First 24 was elevated bp, 85-110 resting heart rate fluctuations, killer headache, anxiety beyond belief, 1 hour of sleep through 3 20 min sessions, dry heave and vomiting. Deafening tinnitus and some shakes but honestly super minor

24-48 slightly better but still feel like death, able to stomach first food but small meals. 1 hr 20 min sleep this time

48-72 appetite back, slightly better again, 3 hours sleep.

72-77 feeling decent, think out of the woods on serious stuff. Need probably another 3-4 days for full recovery

This bender made me swear off liquor forever, and a minimum of 1 year total sober.
As terrifying as it was, I’m almost glad to had that night terror to scare me on a better path.

My stomach feels absolutely barren, but all I can manage is slices of buttered toast and porridge oats with peanut butter. Please give me other ideas.

Tw. Alcoholism talk

I am struggling. Im going so far as to consider getting an Uber to get booze. I am so afraid my bosses are going to be bitchy to me tomorrow for getting hurt again at work. I honestly wish I would have nev3r told them and just endured. My bosses are usually nice but fed up with me personally.

Im always either sick or hurt. And I understand their frustration. It just gives me anxiety knowing that their going to talk down to me tomorrow. That I might lose my health insurance soon bc i cant keep up full time hours.

And mentally im struggling. I just want to be healthy and normal but that's not reality.

I really want a drink knowing I dont NEED one. I never needed one. Going to go to a smart meeting.

If I lose this battle today, just know that I'm really trying. Even if it doesn't seem like it.

Im sorry

Thought some people might be able to relate here.

as soon as i wake up: "do i have a drink for this morning?" "how long am i going to have to wait to get one?" "how many can i get away with drinking today?" "do i want this drink or that one?"

right before i go to bed: "i wish i'd drank more today" "i wish i'd drank less today" "did i save any for tomorrow?" "am i gonna wake up feeling sick?"

even in my dreams. last night i dreamt about opening my fridge and there were more drinks than i thought i had. a few weeks ago i dreamt about finding a fridge full of beers, following (also in the dream) being unable to afford to go to the bar. i can never fucking escape.

how the hell am i supposed to quit when it's all i think about. of course i do have other thoughts, i think about my boyfriend, friends, family, tv shows or books or whatever that i'm into, the job i'm starting soon. BUT IT'S ALWAYS ALCOHOL IN THE END AND I'M SICK OF IT.

i've tried naltrexone, and other meds. i've tried AA. i've tried therapy. i've tried medically assisted detox. i've tried rehab. it won't get off my mind.

i know this is where i'm supposed to pull myself up by my bootstraps or whatever the quote is. i know that i just have to fight those thoughts until they pass. i know i know i know. but there's never a moment that i'm not thinking about it in some way and i feel like i'm losing my mind. i won't even go to restaurants that don't serve alcohol (unless it's takeout so i can bring it home and still drink with it).

oh, and i have an eating disorder, which is relevant because i've somehow convinced myself that i am NOT allowed to eat unless i have a drink with it; reason being i'll probably make myself throw up my food unless there's something i don't want to waste (alcohol) in the mix. i went to treatment for that too. nothing changed.

i'm 24 and i'll probably be dead in a year if i don't quit this lol but i have no idea what i'm going to do because i'm either too weak to commit or i'm just a lost cause

Over 100 days without a drink and I know my time is running out. Each day I am getting closer to the drink, and not a one off, a full on binge. "just one last time" right? then im done. Not going to, but its been really on my mind lately. Id like to say I feel better but I don't, but thats cause I got a fucking terrible disorder thats "treamtent resistant" where no meds will fix it. So alcohols not the problem here, its the solution to a problem, that cannot be fixed. Like 2 demons who feed off eachother. The perfect solution, to the worst outcome possible. My life

Basically Ive been drinking just enough to stay addicted mentally but not enough to have physical withdrawals for like 12 years (tested by going to rehab and got thrown into detox for 36 hours first and presented 0 symptoms)

So I started the normal dose of naltrexone and I done wanna eat or drink off hand, but if I do it’s wayyy more enjoyable than before. Thought it was supposed to be the opposite? If it feels this way for me, does anyone know why? And is there a better medication for alcohol cessation?

Edit: downvoting this is getting me further away from an answer. I am asking this in good faith. I got prescribed the drug and am asking about an effect I am experiencing. You don’t have to upvote, but downvoting is actively keeping me from a helpful answer that could get me to stop drinking. Please stop.

I got out of rehab for the second time last year, and I'm moving in 10 days. I drink about 8-10 100 proof nips a night (captain morgans) and I want to stop but I'm scared I don't want to go back to rehab. I've gotten hypnic jerks here and there some nights, so I try to fall asleep before the liquor wears off now. I've had two days now where the hangxiety gets really bad the next day and I've just had enough and want to stop. I also get very minor shakes sometimes. The urgent care suggested the emergency room or Butler which is a mental health hospital mostly. I need to get sober FAST before my move because at this point even exercise wears me out really bad and I can tell I'm going to have major physical problems soon. This is also the worst my alcoholism has gotten so I'm not in the deep end yet but I'm just scared and need to stop this week.

EDIT: I'd like to add I started drinking today and the hangxiety is still here but its like half gone and that has me worried, this is the second time this has happend.

Hey guys, I (22f) have been struggling with drinking for a whole year now. What started off as a coping skill in trying to handle a messed up marriage ended up as something that has taken complete control of my life. I’ve lost everything this past year my wife, my cats, my apartment, dream job, and LOTS of friends.
I had a rough up bringing with my parents both being addicts and dealing with a bunch of trauma. I never had a great coping skill I started self harming at a very young age then started to try and get high off of absolutely anything. I beat a coke addiction (i mean kinda I no longer know anyone so i haven’t used) but this addiction is something that’s very different. I have access to it every single day.
During the start of my separation with my ex wife I tried to run away from that problem by drinking. unfortunately i had a horrible assault happen to me by one of my close friends (while i was drunk). Everyone including my mom told me that it was my fault for drinking alone in my apartment with my new roommate who was my friend…. idk but i couldn’t cope with that. I went through this traumatic thing, just lost my wife, and my job. The drinking got worse, what started out as 4 or 5 beers a night became mixed drinks, higher percentages, until i got my hands on just straight liquor. It was two months straight of me blacking out every single day. I would go through $8 handles of vodka, costco sized whiskey and whatever i can get my hands on. From as soon as i woke up to as soon as i “passed out”. I lost a whole friend group and a guy who meant a lot to me, even broke my foot
Things got better for a bit i moved with my mom and had no money to buy alcohol but unfortunately when i was given the opportunity i went straight for the cheapest bottle. I’ve attempted suicide multiple times while being drunk within the last year. I even started dating this guy who enabled my drinking and spent thousands of dollars a month at bars and just liquor. In may that same boyfriend got super drunk at the bar and he ended up choking me, the cops were called and i blew a .45. I don’t remember much but waking up in the hospital with a neck brace, heart monitors, multiple IVs, and being told i have to take medication for my withdrawals.
I got better…. for a little bit… Now i’m about 700 miles away from home, in a DV shelter struggling with drinking. People will call me an alcoholic but my excuse is that “i was worse this is nothing” or “would u rather have me be dead?” this month i have spent $800 on just alcohol. I am drinking every single day, multiple times a day. I experience immediate discomfort when I don’t drink. I throw up almost every day before my job and go immediately to the liquor store after work.
I don’t know what to do. I know it’s a deep routed issue in not being able to process things that have happened but i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to. i rely heavily on drinking i don’t know who i am without it and it sucks so much.

I need some words of advice and tips on how to be better. I don’t want to live my whole life trapped behind a bottle. It’s been one full year of drinking, it’s been about six months of drinking straight. I want my life back, i want my body back, and i want my mind back. How are you guys doing it?

Just want to vent and rant.

F35+

Sober/dry/whatever since May, after backsliding. This past week or so* I have just wanted.to.get.shitfaced.all.the.time. I get angry and upset that I ever told people around me I have a problem — I was so fucking good at hiding. I used to drink vodka with my morning coffee regularly and not get caught at work. (I commute by public transit) I used to do a lot of things a bit buzzed and not get caught. It makes me crazy with anger and regret that I cannot take back admitting these things to people, that I could’ve kept going and not get caught. I just do not want to feel anything, I want to black out.

And yet. Hallucinating the smell of vodka in a dry house was scary. Realising I wanted a drink so much it physically hurt was scary. Telling people was scary and liberating.

I hate that I can think of a million reasons why I can relapse right now and anyone would understand. I hate that I’m starting to think it’s not a relapse if I’m not actually an alcoholic but just a drama queen who has made a whole lot of noise about a non-issue.

I loathe being this fucking weak.

Thanks and my apologies for being a drama queen.

—
* edited the timeline to be more accurate, I cannot believe it’s been a week and not a month