I'm not Mormon, but my uni is near a Mormon ward and therefore I have met a few different sets of missionaries. I chat to them since 1) I appreciate the company and 2) I think they do too. I can tell they're all lonely and are used to being rejected in rude ways, so I'm kind to them. I'll donate them my spare clothes and cook them dinner on occasion, and they're always kind to me. A couple of them have become friends of sorts, and they'll message me even after they leave. They haven't baptized me yet, but they don't seem to think any less of me--or at least they don't say it to my face. Apparently, they also tell incoming missionaries to find me because I'll feed them haha.

The last set of female missionaries that were in my town weren't quite so friendly as the ones I've met in the past. The one was kind enough, but she struck me as insincere. She stuck around for about six months. Her companion, sent here in August, was apparently brand-spanking-new to missionary life. She was very withdrawn. I tried talking to her a few times and she'd usually reply curtly. A couple of times we did talk a bit and I can tell that she is terribly homesick. It turned out that we both love soccer (she played back home, while my hometown was too small for there to be a team) and we talked a bit about that. I had the feeling that she was utterly miserable in our town and just wanted to go home, and honestly, I couldn't blame her.

Well, the girl wasn't even here all of two months when I saw that two new female missionaries were in town. An acquaintance of mine goes to the ward, so I asked her where the old missionaries had gone. She looked a bit awkward. She told me that Sister So-and-so (the withdrawn girl who liked soccer) had tried starting a relationship with a male missionary in the district. The girl's female companion reported her to higher-ups, and when switching or rotation time came (sorry, I don't know the proper terminology), the church shipped both her and the male missionary to "undesirable wards". I don't know what that means, if the area's rougher or living quarters are worse. But I just know that this girl is somewhere in a small town in South Dakota, and it, for whatever reason, isn't a good place to be.

I feel so shaken. I'm so angry on this girl's behalf. Maybe getting in a relationship is against the rules, but seriously--you ship an eighteen-year-old thousands of miles from her hometown to a place where she knows no one, can only talk to her family once a month, and get shocked when she tries to find some sort of personal connection? And then you have the galls to try to punish her for it? How Christ-like. Oh my gosh. I really wish I could find this girl and give her a hug but she was sent nine hours from me and I'm sure if I found her Facebook or texted her that someone is breathing down her back. My heart is so heavy for her. She's really all alone now and I hate that the church has done this to her.

Today is my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. They were married in the Manti temple. They have 8 children. They were always super active in the Mormon church and raised all 8 kids to be good little Mormons.

My mom died 10 years ago, right before their 40th anniversary. In that time, two of their kids, me being one of them, came out as gay and left the church. Another one has left the church for other reasons. And one hasn’t been to church in over ten years and doesn’t believe, but hasn’t had their name removed. So half of their children aren’t in the church anymore.

I called my dad this evening to see how he’s doing, since I can imagine how hard today must be for him. He answered the phone, said I was on speaker, and that he was in salt lake with my four active Mormon siblings. He, and three of those siblings, would have had to fly across the country to be out there.

Clearly, this was a planned trip. And I was never invited. Not even told about it. The other gay sibling had no idea either. The other sibling that has left the church said they knew because it was in the family group chat, which I left many months ago for my mental health. My dad knew I wasn’t in the group chat, as well as my gay sibling. He copies and pastes stuff from the group chat and sends it to me in our direct messages. So he intentionally did not tell me about this trip.

I am so fucking hurt and angry. I have been out of the church for five years. I thought I had made peace with the fact that half my family still believes in and actively contributes to an organization that hates me. But my dad, and four of my siblings, celebrating my parents’ anniversary, completely leaving me out, has hurt me more than any other thing they’ve done.

I hate the Mormon church. I hate that it divides families. My dad has chosen the church over his own children. And I know why. It’s because he truly believes that the only way that he’ll get to be with mom again is through the Mormon church. That is the level of brainwashing that the Mormon church does to its members. How fucking messed up is that?!

I don’t know what to do now. I am so so so angry. With my dad. With my Mormon siblings. I don’t have words to express the hurt that I am feeling right now.

I don’t think I’m looking for advice right now. But maybe just some validation and understanding of what this feels like. Because it’s fucking awful.

Hey. Sorry I want to rant again.

Im a service missionary in Utah, came home early because proselytizing felt wrong and didn’t believe what I was teaching. Now Im on my journey to finally leave the church quietly. Im officially ending my mission at the end of the year and am applying for school, and I’m going to the service sites that actually equate to helping people until then.

Ive made it clear to my mission President that Im ending my mission early. My Mission President set me aside today to chat. I thought he was going to give me an update on my mission papers. Instead, he gave me a lengthy lesson on attending church and covenants. The whole meeting was uncomfortable, pausing to remind me that “I could talk to him about anything”.

Does he think people only leave because they break their covenants?

Im leaving because I never received a spiritual prompting that the church was true, nor the Book of Mormon, despite persistent effort and prayers.

And again, just like with the stake President, he reminded me that missions are important if you want to have a chance at dating in the church, and how covenant keeping is “the only true way” for married couples to be happy in their relationships.

Jesus Christ. I kept my mouth shut and let him finish his lesson. Why can’t I just be happy with someone for who they are? What if my dating preferences don’t align with the church’s policies? Why do god and church have to infiltrate every detail of my life?

Anyways, there’s my rant. I only have to bite my tongue a little longer until I move out to college. Thanks for reading.

I just learned that future QB of Jesus’s favorite football team is only serving a 1 year mission….. I despise byu with an extra dose of hatred for their sports programs (sorry current fans on the channel). Has the church formally given the obvious reason or have they played the avoid the elephant in the room game? Or have they just bull shitted the reason?

I don’t know that I have ever fully regretted my mission because there was some positive personal growth but I never got a foreign language out of it or a chance to see the world. I have regretted the 2 year pause it put on my life and education and the $10,000. To think of I had just been able to throw a football far I could have cut time and cost in half.

What the hell is happening…..

I’m having a really hard time with members continuously telling me that my scrupulosity/strong devotion in the church was abnormal and weird. I will say that scrupulosity doesn’t seem to be the average/normal way that everyone took the teachings, BUT scrupulosity IS the NORMAL way that the teachings wanted you to take them. Does that make any sense? I’m not sure how to word that, but I just feel that scrupulosity was THE only way to do things if you took everything literally and seriously which is exactly what the teachings teach you to do!!!

Anyone who didn’t take everything literally and seriously, wasn’t actually adhering properly to all the exact teachings. It’s normal human nature to not want to follow a bunch of rules, but it’s also a perfectly normal response to take teachings literally and seriously when you’re told to take them literally and seriously. Why can’t members just validate my scrupulosity experience as a perfectly appropriate response to the teachings!? (I know exactly why they don’t, but I just need to vent)

When you made a covenant in the temple to give your all to the church, it literally meant your ALL if you were ever asked to give it—time, talents, and physical items. Just like the pioneers gave away many of their things to help build the temple. There is no other way to understand that teaching than to take it in a scrupulous way. You’re supposed to be scrupulous (literal and serious) with this covenant (and all of your covenants). If you aren’t, then you aren’t fully keeping your covenants! Am I wrong? Please let me know if I am!

When the scriptures say to deny yourselves of all ungodliness it should be taken literally and seriously. Is everyone always able to perfectly deny themselves of all ungodliness? No way! But should they TRY to? Absolutely! Is it weird to interpret that scripture to mean that you need to literally deny yourself of ALL ungodliness? I don’t think it’s a stretch one bit to interpret this scripture in a scrupulous way! Now, it is probably normal for most humans to not try to follow this teaching because it’s too hard, but my interpretation of this scripture is absolutely a perfectly normal way to interpret it. Am I wrong? Please let me know if I am!

I was on my way home from work today, driving down my street, when I noticed the first counselor in my ward’s bishopric out walking, as he often does for exercise.

As I was backing my truck into my driveway, he stopped and waited for me to get out.

We made a little small talk, and then he asked me, “So, what do we need to do to get you back to the temple?”

He explained that they don’t look at the temple recommend lists very often (yeah, right), but that they had recently looked and noticed that mine was “very expired.”

He then asked again, “What do we need to do to get you back to the temple?”

Now, this wasn’t exactly the conversation I was hoping to have standing in my driveway after a long day of work. I just wanted to get inside, see my wife and kids, get everyone fed, clean up the kitchen, and get the kids off to softball practice.

I wasn’t prepared to get into my faith crisis right then and there.

So I simply told him, “Well, I guess I’d need to talk to somebody about that.”
He responded that he’d be more than happy to sit down and talk with me at church.

For some context, I haven’t told anyone in my ward where I currently stand with the church. I’m not “inactive” I still go to church when my wife decides that she wants to go in order to support her. I’ve only discussed my loss of belief with family and close friends.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time studying, researching, and trying to make sense of everything. I have a pretty good understanding of the reasons I’ve reached this point, but organizing all those thoughts into a coherent conversation is another matter entirely.

Reasons like polygamy in the church, the treatment of women and LGBTQ people, black people and the priesthood etc, etc, etc.

I’ve actually wanted to have this discussion with someone in church leadership for quite some time. But now that it looks like the opportunity is presenting itself, I’m finding myself a little nervous.

I don’t want this to turn into an argument or a debate. I would like to have an honest, respectful conversation about where I am, how I got here, and why I no longer believe.

At the same time, I want to make sure I have my ducks in a row. I don’t want to walk away wishing I’d brought up something important or feeling like I wasn’t able to adequately explain myself.

For those of you who have had similar conversations with your bishop or other ward leaders:

What topics or questions did you find most important to discuss?

Were there things you wish you’d brought up but didn’t?

How did you keep the conversation productive rather than allowing it to turn into a debate or an attempt to resolve every concern with a testimony?

Is there anything you would recommend I prepare for ahead of time? I thought about writing down some bullet points to refer to during the talk but I don’t really know how this conversation is going to go.

I’m not looking to attack anyone’s beliefs or convince him that he’s wrong. I just want to be able to articulate why I’ve reached the conclusions I have and hopefully have a meaningful conversation.

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice you might have.

Nov 2025: minimum missionary age for women dropped from 19 to 18 (Church News). Jan 2026: Oaks says he hopes lower missionary ages will lead to people marrying younger (SL Trib).

Now look at the data Jana Riess pulled from Ryan Burge's 100k-person survey: of 18-year-old women raised LDS, only about 37.5% still identify as LDS (SL Trib). Young women are now leaving faster than young men, which is a complete reversal of the old pattern.

So the church's answer to young women leaving is: get them on a mission sooner and get them married sooner. Less time to think, more sunk cost. Am I being cynical?

If you're a woman who left, would going out at 18 have kept you in longer, or just made the eventual exit more painful ("sunk cost fallacy")?

I believed and was told for 30+ years that I was born into God's chosen church/people and part of the chosen generation, that I was so lucky and blessed to go to BYU, that God had a special "plan and work for me" (quote from my patriarchal blessing...), that miracles happened to saints all the time, and literally that I would become a God someday.

Well after a few years of deconstruction, it is finally hitting me that I am just like the 8 billion other people on this earth: I am trying to make the best living I can given my circumstances. I am not chosen or special. Just a human. It is humbling but also relieving: I don't need to be special, perfect, or amazing; just myself.

I should have listened to the advice here, buuuut UPDATE!!!!!!!
I apologize for the length, but I figured it’s better than posting another 20 screenshots hahaha.

So my husband’s sister decided she didn’t believe it was actually him responding and started addressing ME instead. She said, “If you have so much to say about what’s posted here then put yourself back on this chat instead of trying to hide behind DH’s profile. We all know that our brother has never been a man of many words, and it would be nice to hear from him again sometime.”

The fuck? This was right after she lectured everyone about not making assumptions too, which is hilarious to me. But, I was DEEPLY offended. Apparently my husband can’t think for himself, and she thinks I’m the kind of person who would impersonate him, lie, violate his privacy and threaten his relationship with his family?! Cool cool. His one sister did say that they need to do a better job at getting to know me and my husband, because it was obvious that it wasn’t me.

Anyway. I’m offended so I stepped in and made it VERY clear she was now speaking to me. I called her out, sarcastically laughed in disbelief, and told her to bug off. She admitted she’d assumed wrong and said “I’m sorry”, and followed it up by saying she doesn’t feel like she knows her brother anymore. I wasn’t about to let her make an accusation like that, say “I’m sorry,” and immediately change the subject without acknowledging how offensive it was. When I pushed back, I got “I’m sorry. Don’t be rude. Calm down.” 🙃 For once in my life, I actually stood my ground instead of backing down to keep the peace.

apparently my language was an issue (I said hell and bug off, so take your pick lol). My sarcastic laughing was also a big deal. MIL sent a lengthy message about broken hearts, tears, forgiveness, and how sarcasm can be misunderstood. She also said taking offence is ALWAYS the receiver’s problem when something is said out of love. And somehow Satan entered the conversation because of the contention. My husband defended me, explained that he’s happier since leaving the church, and called out how quickly anyone with different beliefs gets criticized. Obviously met with deaf ears.

We were also reminded that everyone has agency, but not all lifestyles bring the same lasting joy. Oh, and eternity would be “the worst kind of hell” if we weren’t all together in the Celestial Kingdom. I genuinely cannot get over the double standard. They can say hurtful things because it’s “out of love,” and if I’m offended, that’s my problem. But my sarcastic HAHA apparently warrants a family crisis. I’m not saying I handled everything perfectly, but I’m tired of everyone else’s feelings being treated like they’re more important than mine.

Chat is done and moved on, and I should have not let the assumption get under my skin so much. But here we are lol

Original Post:

All I can say is…..what the fuck?!

Some backstory, my (F29) husband (31) is the only exmo member of his family. Only boy, 5 older sisters. One sibling is PIMO (34) and she is the person responding in validation of my spouse. The other responses are a mix of 2 other older sisters, and his mom (ages 43, 45, and 70) I put their ages to show the large age gaps, which play a role in ways of thinking. The question about who they’re talking to is them clarifying it’s not me they’re talking to lol.

Okay, so this is how conversations about church always go with my husband’s family. And I’m so overwhelmed! They love using so much information at once to “prove their point” while also belittling and patronizing my husband and SIL in the name of “fact”. I love her twisted definition of lazy as well. “Lack of effort” when it’s actually “unwilling to make an effort”. As if my husband who served a faithful 2 year mission was unwilling to make an effort.

I just get so offended that they think my hardworking, loving husband, who is a wonderful father and cares about being good and kind, is just being deceived by Satan and will never be happy the way they are happy. It’s my least favourite thing that mormons say.

It’s early for me—I am so sorry if this is just a jumbled up mess. I’m a mix of tired and completely shocked that they’re even talking like this. What would you say? Should I respond and defend my husband? What should I say? What should he say?
I’m so sick of them thinking they can say whatever they want and my husband has to just let it slide. Responding is new for me and him.

I've been out of the Mormon cult 28 years and out of Utah 28 years. I'm Gay and have a husband and live in Florida. I saw on Facebook my oldest grandson is going on a mission and will open his mission letter tonight. He will be 21 in February and chose not to go on a mission when he turned 18. Today his father my son texted me and invited me to zoom the letter opening. I'm in shock! I have accepted. Yearly when we visit my children he Always invites me and my husband to any activity the grandkids have. We will not be flying out to his mission farewell. I'm disappointed that is going but what can I say. At least he has 2 1/2 years of college done.

I've never liked how the church refuses to acknowledge the status of an individual as an adult

11-18 year olds are young Men & Women (very adult titles) 18-35 and unmarried were Young Single Adults. NEVER a full real adult until married.

According this wonderful invitation, now, married or nor, 18-35 are 'young adults'

Really funny since the new age for 'Senior Missionary' is 26. Bwah ha ha ha ha

I remember being told in my early days of being in the church that the second coming won't happen in the year that there is a rainbow. So, feeling a bit foolish now, I used to look out for rainbows in a new year and think that if I saw one, this year wasn’t the year.

Is this a common belief in the church? Just wondering.

1st contradiction: Mormon God passed our souls through a vail to erase all memory of him and pre-existence, to a foreign world for a “test”. He demands absolute obedience and perfection to be “WORTHY” of him or be banished to eternal darkness as a son of perdition since we “Knew” the truth. No bro, you erased our minds so we don’t actually “KNOW” the truth.?

2nd contradiction: you know what I just described actually is??

That’s called abuse, cruelty, et al.

Now imagine I did that to my kids in real life here on earth. I’d go to prison and…ironically..go to his hell for doing the exact same thing as him! It’s not different! That’s not a good god. That’s a Sadist

Hate that the courtroom was packed with supporters for him like what the actual fuck?? He was an adult!!!!

Quarterly reminder: the Church claims to be the one true church, led by God, a “global church” and are yet to call a single black person to the quorum of the 12. FYI, It has called over 105 apostles since 1835, and not one has been Black. IT IS 2026!

A global church yet 7 out of the current 15 are white and from Utah/Idaho. Happy Tuesday!

Suppose an alternate history where Emma was getting really upset about all of Joseph's wives, so God told Joseph that Emma could take another husband. And suppose she chose a 14 year-old boy. Do you think that people would be able to dismiss it so readily?

I fear I only ever post here to cry into the void. Sorry guys, I really am full of love.

I just sincerely grieve a mother and father I never truly had. I sometimes want to go to church just to find a bishop or someone to be nice to me and make me feel like someone’s daughter.

This process is so long and lonely. I wish I could believe the church was true. Life would be so much easier that way. I miss my family. They treat me differently. I never should have told them anything, I’m just such a bad liar.

I’m just sad. I miss when I could make my mom happy, even though it killed me.

Funny but not funny, but now I have family members who have to double check anything I say, "just to make sure".

In any event, it's not going to make me want to go back to the Mormon church.

This calls to mind Brigham Young’s 1852 announcement of plural marriage: practiced secretly for years, yet a total shock to the congregation. This pastor essentially did the same thing, introducing a second wife after three years of marriage behind closed doors.

When referring to the LDS church, numerous options exist. I no longer use “the church” as it presumes the one and only and I’m not going to spell out the entire thing, but what’s the best nickname to use among us exmos?

Dead Names  
    The Church of Christ (1830)  
    The Church of the Latter Day Saints (1834)  
    Mormon church (2018, a major victory for Satan, but cue Monty Python, “I’m not dead yet.”)

Nicknames  
    TCOJCOLDS with/without Exmo additions  
    TSCC  
    MFMC

Have I missed any others?

Farmland Reserve UK Limited (a “charity”) is the church‘s UK agricultural arm, with its land holdings described as “largest contiguous private farming operations in the East of England, supplying major commercial markets” with “£262 million in assets, dominated by farmland.”

You can see Farmland Reserve UK Limited’s official UK charity registration here.