i’ve worked with family in construction before but never been employed by anyone officially, don’t even know what i want to do career wise, am i cooked?

I've been self-employed for ten years and it's hard to imagine myself ever finding myself in any true career path.

First, I ran a cleaning business while in college, since the hours were flexible and the pay rate per hour was decent for the work. Maintained over 15 clients for four years.

I graduated with a BA (not the best choice, but I was young and naive) in the beginning of the pandemic. Obviously, the timing was horrible. Not many career resources available upon graduation. Instead of pursuing a career in my major, I opened an ecommerce business selling imported, high end vintage clothes, at first as a hobby, and eventually my business and social media blew up to the point that I was/am selling out every drop. I have been supporting myself with this full time for the past 6 years. I love the work and love fashion, however, I worry about the long term sustainability of this industry, and I'm not sure if I can see myself doing this for another ten years.

I also picked up some social media work for a client (mostly educational content) for the past two years, mostly filming and video editing. She decided to quit recently, so I no longer work for this client. I don't think I want to pursue more social media clients or become a social media marketer.

I'm having an existential crisis as I feel I've wasted so much time. I've enjoyed the independence and flexible schedule, but I no longer believe it was worth sacrificing a secure future.

I've contemplated going to grad school or looking into alternative education towards another industry. I thought about looking into marketing work, but I just fear I won't be cut out for the corporate world, and I'm already so far behind. I also think I would be miserable in marketing, and would prefer to study something in the humanities, but the job prospects are not great. But I do love researching/writing essays, and I miss academia, but it's hard to justify taking out loans for a subject that may not land me a job. On top of this, I have no idea what is even a "safe" choice to pursue given the rise of AI. I'm so overwhelmed.

What options are there for me to pivot? Is my prior experience valuable at all? Is there any hope for me, or have I completely messed up any chance of a good future? Any stories of people pivoting in their 30s? I feel hopeless.

People on Reddit recommended skilled trades because AI would have a harder time replacing physical jobs. So I enrolled in an electromechanics program to become a millwright, repairing and maintaining industrial machinery.

The problem is that I’m realizing this career isn’t for me. I have little interest in mechanics, welding, hydraulics, or electrical systems. I’m struggling with some of the coursework, and I can’t picture myself doing this for the next 40 years. I’ve worked in factories before, and I really don’t want to spend my life doing physical work, especially since I have some back problems.

The ironic part is that I’ve always been interested in computers and IT. I enjoy troubleshooting, networking, Windows, and solving technical problems. I did well in computer classes, and I prefer independent, office-based work over physical labor or constant customer interaction.

However, I’m worried that AI will eliminate entry-level IT jobs, increase competition, and make it harder to build a career. That fear pushed me toward a trade I don’t even enjoy.

Ideally, I want a stable career with good earning potential, preferably $80k+, without destroying my physical health or spending years studying without income.

Should I leave the program and pursue IT, or stick with millwright work for the job security? Is avoiding AI really worth choosing a career you already dislike? I’d appreciate honest advice from people working in either field

I graduated from a pretty prestigious university and published a first-author paper in Nature. Yes, that Nature.

I spent years studying, researching, sacrificing things, and pushing myself because I genuinely believed that hard work, knowledge, and expertise meant something.

And honestly, I thought I was doing pretty well in life.

But just as I finally got my PhD, the AI era arrived.

Now I can't shake this strange feeling that everything I've spent my life building is becoming less and less valuable.

It's not just about career opportunities or whether AI will replace my job. It's something deeper. It feels like I'm losing my sense of identity, my purpose, and even my own worth.

I know this might sound dramatic. Maybe even a little privileged. And I'm fully aware that AI is an incredible technology with enormous potential.

But knowing that intellectually doesn't make the feeling go away.

I've never really been a fan of Reddit, to be honest. But lately I've been getting so lost in my own thoughts that I figured maybe hearing perspectives from complete strangers would help.

Has anyone else felt something similar? Especially people who've spent years becoming good at something, only to suddenly question whether any of it still matters?

How are you dealing with it?

I'm genuinely curious. I don't need reassurance or motivational quotes. I'd just like to hear how other people see this.

One of those days when I feel so sad, unloved from my family and unloved by anyone... I feel that I will never find a boyfriend and that I will never go to study medicine, which is my only wish long about 10 years. Now I have 25. A lot of time I spent in hospitals (because of my mental state) and I don't want anymore to feel like that and be like that.

I have financial debts which I can only solve in one year (about 15 000 euros). I want to go to university in 2028 (when I pay off my debts), but I don't know if I'm too old, and I feel that I spent so much time doing nothing and it makes me so sad. Time is the problem, I want to have excellent career in medicine. I'm from Europe. Is it too late to start at 27?

Because of family problems and depression I haven't achieved anything in life and I feel frustrated.

My financial debts trouble me so much that I feel like crying and I have no peace.

I currently work at a chicken plant(Wayne Sanderson Farms)and it’s been very clear to me that if I stay here any longer, my body will not forget it. My hands are often stiff when I wake up and my back and shoulder hurt for some time. I cannot do this for too long.

My current issue is what brings me here tonight. I only have experience in fast food and retail. I don’t have anything past a high school diploma and I don’t have any skills I’d say are worth noting.

I don’t do anything with my life but work and sleep. I live in my car at the moment. I’ve recently tried to start studying for Cybersecurity, but I keep hearing that the market is bad and I’m having trouble finding where to start in terms of studying. Not to mention the certs aren’t cheap and I want to leave this job ASAP.

I can’t leave to go back to fast food or retail. Unfortunately this job is the best one I’ve had and I can’t leave until I find better.

I am really looking for a job that doesn’t require me to put my body through hours of hard work. I always liked the thought of entering an office and going to my very own cubicle to work.

I don’t know exactly what I want. I just hate this feeling of being stuck and really need an out.

I have had this conversation more times than I can count. A friend, a former colleague, someone I just met. They got the job they worked for. The title, the salary, people reporting to them. When I ask why they still do it, they pause. They don't hate it. They just can't find the reason anymore.

I heard it for years, in coffee breaks and lunches at the canteen. Most people around those tables weren't unhappy with the money; the money was good. They were unhappy with what they were doing. And almost none of them left.

I kept asking myself the same question. What keeps us there?

I found Max Weber, a German sociologist. More than a century ago, he asked a similar question: how did work and making money become a duty in itself? In The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, he answered: belief. The Puritans worked hard because they believed their work served God. Then the belief faded, but the work stayed. Near the end of the book, he says it in one line: "The Puritan wanted to work in a calling; we are forced to do so."

So if the belief is gone, what keeps us at the desk? Weber has a line for that too, and it's my favorite: "The idea of duty in one's calling prowls about in our lives like the ghost of dead religious beliefs."

The cage you can see. The salary, the lifestyle it pays for, the next promotion. What you don't see is the duty. In my experience, that's what keeps the door shut.

And I don't see acting out of duty as bad in every circumstance. It depends on the context, and on whether you are aware of it.

I sat on both sides of the desk. First as the young manager waiting for my promotion, then as the founder giving out the jobs. Noticing it doesn't open the door, at least not right away. The bills are still there, and so are the people who depend on you. But you start to see what you are carrying, and why.

The question is not whether having a job is right or wrong. So I'll ask you what I ask myself: What role have you given your job in your own life?

​

Hi all,

I'm not sure how to write this, but I want to get it out.

I'm 35 and right now I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I started my own business right after graduating, and after years of trying, it failed. Since then I've been trying to restart my career, but nothing has come through.

I think I know part of the reason. My CV looks scattered: a degree, a few internships, a business, a course, and some gaps in between. Some of those gaps were because my father was ill and then passed away, and I was away from everything for a few months. In interviews I can tell employers wonder whether I'm committed to anything, and I can't really blame them. I just don't know how to fix that story.

At 35 it feels like everyone else has figured it out and I'm back at the start. I still have a dream of building something of my own one day, but it feels very far away.

I'm not looking for someone to fix it. I'd just like to hear from people who've been in a similar place. How did you keep going, and what was the first small thing that helped you move again?

Thanks for reading.

I heard from so many people the degree they pursue like they don't really work in those fields. It's a totally different environment. And sometimes I wonder is there such thing as a versatile degree that can go into any workforce especially white collar jobs because most of those jobs are computer based. With training and some skills like people eventually adapt to the new work environment and work their way up.

I started working for a really good company about a year ago, and the job has given me some amazing opportunities, including the chance to move to a new city. I have great benefits, a super flexible schedule, only have to go into the office a couple of days a week, and make more money than most people my age.

I graduated college with a degree in psychology and somewhat unexpectedly landed this job. I knew it was a great opportunity, so I figured I’d give the corporate world a shot before committing to graduate school.

Now, a year in, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m meant to be doing something else. I genuinely cannot imagine spending the rest of my life in a corporate environment. I dread the start of every week, feel completely unfulfilled, and struggle with the fact that the work I do doesn’t feel meaningful to me.

I’ve always been interested in becoming a clinical mental health counselor. I graduated with a 4.0 GPA, have extensive research experience, completed an internship working alongside a school psychologist, and built great relationships with professors. I genuinely loved college, especially studying psychology, and the idea of going back to school excites me.

But I’m having a really hard time with the idea of walking away from something so good. I know how fortunate I am to have this job, especially at my age, and I worry that I’m romanticizing graduate school or a career in counseling.

I guess my biggest question is: How do you distinguish between genuinely wanting a different career and simply not enjoying working? What if I spend thousands of dollars on graduate school only to realize I feel the exact same way once counseling becomes my everyday job?

Has anyone left a comfortable, well-paying corporate job to pursue a career in mental health? Do you regret it, or was it worth it

Hello! I want a job that has to do with fiber arts. Literally anything.

I like-

History

Yarn spinning

Knitting/crochet

Embroidery

And bugs

I want to live in Iceland but I am good with just about anywhere as long as they are lgbt friendly (and preferably cold)

Should I get a degree? When I asked in a subreddit for collage I was essentially told that I should quit my dream, I think that's quite rude but whatever lolol.

I am not very smart (not hating myself, just the truth) so science degrees are kinda..... Far out of reach but I would be willing to try

Tldr- any jobs that have to do with fiber arts/history?

Thanks!

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if you can give me advice or tips on a short degree(associates)that I can take and you think is worth it to not be in so much debt and that paid decently. I am open to any ideas! Looking to go back to school and finish a short course or an associates degree. I am bilingual(English/Spanish) and really enjoy helping people! Thank you in advance :)

Coming to university, I'd been largely socially isolated for 2 years. In high school I developed depression/burnout and would switch schools, got diagnosed with ADHD and autism. 12th grade in the new school I did most of my tasks online and didn't find friends.

Now in university I struggle a lot with social anxiety, attending lectures and group projects drains my social battery, I'm just trying to get through the days, lot of autopiloting.

It's like I'm losing my cognitive abilities. Even small things like reading and responding to messages feel hard, when tasks pile up my reaction is avoidance and trying to escape, sometimes watching shows for 12 hours, sleeping during the day. I'm clearly heading towards dropping out.

Hi everyone. I hope I can find some advice on here about what the hell to do with my life.

I am 35F, no kids, not married, no college degree. Thankfully I have a job as a caregiver for my sister, the downside is.. I am practically at the mercy of my mother. You could say I technically kind of live with her half of the time though I still pay rent, it's a weird arrangement but don't want to get too sidetracked. My mom's ok sometimes, but she can be really controlling and manipulative when she needs or wants something. Now, don't get me wrong, even with the cons, I am very grateful to have a place where I can have my 4 dogs and my own car of course, but I don't want to live like this forever. I want to have my own house and move somewhere else and do my own life. I currently live in a small town where opportunities are limited so I haven't had any luck getting a job that pays higher than what I'm currently earning. My goal at the moment is to build up my savings and fix my credit so I can get my own house. My whole life I was never financially smart, so about a year ago I started to make better habits when it comes to finances or at least I'm trying to which I think I'm doing ok. The only downside is, I want to earn more but I have no idea what to do, I don't have a college education because I never knew what I wanted to do, and I still don't know. I've been thinking of ways to make extra money on my free time but I get discouraged about everything, so I overthink a lot, and at the same time I don't just want another job, I want something I can build a life on, but I don't feel like I have a passion for anything or that I'm good at anything. I've had ideas, but then they seem impossible for me for some reason and again I get discouraged. I don't consider myself dumb, I feel like I can be smart but since I was young I've second guessed myself and had issues with confidence and always looking for validation. At the moment I've also been focusing on getting myself back in shape and working on my confidence, but I often get overwhelmed about the fact that time is running and I still don't have a path. I haven't been successful in my life so far, and I've felt like I hit rock bottom since 4 years ago when I moved back home from Florida after my 4 year relationship ended. Since then, I've barely dated or made new friends, I have a couple of good friends but they're few and live far. I've been doing better and I won't stop trying to persevere but I hate to have this indecisiveness. I wish I knew what my calling is or what I'm good at. I feel like I don't even know who I am, and I'm scared that I won't ever amount to anything.. How can I figure it out? Is there anything I should be doing? By the way, I have done therapy for years, though not at the moment since I've been trying to save as much money as I can. Therapy has helped immensely in different ways but still not on this one, so that's why I'm on here to see if I can get some good insight.

If you've made it this far thank you for reading! Any advice or comments are greatly appreciated ❤️

i'm another autistic adhd millennial burnt out from a tech job. after trying to recover for two years my shrinking savings encouraged me to actively start looking at software jobs again and boy it does not look pretty. i specialised in a niche programming language so most places just ignore me and the competition is insane in the ones that don't. i have zero "professional experience with AI" because unfortunately the burnout hit before it became mandatory. at this point i'd rather start over but i don't even know what i "want" to do, mostly just what i don't want to do. i have special interests but i don't want to monetise them. what i need is a supportive space that helps me grow and figure out where i could meaningfully contribute but i don't know where to find that, the closest thing i can get here is a guy who berates me for not sending enough applications.

I'm 34 years old and started my first barbering job out of barber school.. I'm beyond excited to have made it and this is my dream job. I'm constantly thinking and dreaming about cutting hair. Lately, it's been a mental struggle. I genuinely feel like I came out of school and started all over again. I'm slow and I'm overthinking. The process I thought I had is not working for me now. Internally, I want to be further ahead than where I am now and it does a number on me knowing I'm nowhere I thought I was. I watch videos constantly. I am eager to improve and most importantly I want to change people's days but I can't. I know it's part of the process and my wife tells me to be easier on myself but man it's so hard. Growth is ugly sometimes.

I feel like if I could stick to something I could then make some progress .

Hi, I find myself stuck in an unpleasant situation.

I’m wondering if anyone else has been in a similar spot, or if someone might be able to offer a bit of perspective.

A year ago, I started at the Faculty of Architecture, but it just didn't feel right. I expected it to get better with time, but if anything, it only got worse.

I had already studied Construction—Architecture and Interior Design—in high school, where I actually achieved above-average results, so everyone was curious about where I’d go for university. I assumed that having "endured" it all in high school, university would be that much easier for me.

Even back then, it was a real grind; in high school, I had to work almost non-stop. Outside of school, there was simply no time for anything else. After several years of that, I just couldn't handle the even higher demands Architecture.

On top of that, I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot in life. When I talk to other people, I find I have nothing to share—I’ve had no interests or experiences outside of my studies.

I didn't feel like I was learning anything new at university, yet I couldn't keep up with the workload. I was essentially there from morning till night—sometimes I wouldn't even go to sleep. It took a heavy toll on my mental state; there were times when I completely broke down, both mentally and physically. Living with roommates doesn't help much, either. I also never really grasped the mindset of the people there—it felt like being on an entirely different planet, and I absolutely dreaded going. It was clear to me that things couldn't go on like this. I tried changing my approach a few times, and I even went to see the school psychologist, but that didn't really help much either. I had no one to turn to. Eventually, things reached a point where I couldn't function normally anymore. I was on the verge of a breakdown and had lost a lot of weight. Between the time pressure and the stress, I couldn't even bring myself to eat, and I developed various health issues.

When I realized that things didn't look any better in the higher years, I just lost the desire to continue.

After that, I basically stopped attending school. I tried to pull myself together a bit, but I didn't know what to do next. I figured I’d find some temporary job—just to give myself time to figure things out, and maybe even get a mental boost in the process.

Seeing the reality of that field is actually quite discouraging. Even with my high school grades, I’m not sure if I made the right choice, or if I should even try to return to that field at all.

My family wasn't exactly thrilled, and it didn't go over well. Things at home weren't always great to begin with, but after this, they got significantly worse. My parents wanted me to stay in school, but I didn't have enough credits because I had failed several exams. They keep throwing it in my face—how I just gave up on school.

I had to look around to see where applications were still being accepted, but there weren't many options left—just different university, the Faculty of Agrobiology, Food and Natural Resources, field of study: Landscape Protection and Use of Natural Resources, where I ended up getting accepted. I managed to scrape through the summer living with my parents, and in October, I started the program.

I don’t even really want to study this, but a university degree is supposedly necessary—they say I won’t be able to make a decent living without one. People say the coursework is easy, but it’s entirely based on biology and chemistry—subjects that never interested me and that I was never any good at. On top of that, I missed the information on when and how to register for classes. I found out too late, so my schedule is a bit of mess.

I’m still not sure about the degree itself; I lack the experience to know when or how I might actually need it.

I’m afraid I just won’t be able to bring myself to study—especially after this past year. I’m a smart person, and it would be a shame not to finish university. Everyone around me was surprised when I left Architecture. But maybe I’ll need the degree later on, and I’d regret not having it.

I’m not really sure what to do, and my family isn’t giving me many options, either.

Mentally, I’m still going in circles, and things don’t seem to be getting any better. I’d describe it as a kind of burnout after all these years. I keep thinking about how everyone talks about how amazing university is. I also don’t get what people mean by "student life"—what that’s actually supposed to be. So far, it just makes me feel miserable.

After everything, I’m starting to feel like I’m just not cut out for university. I’m not sure if I’m stuck in the aftermath of burnout or if it’s just plain laziness, but my brain feels completely switched off—I can’t bring myself to study, and I don’t even feel like doing it.

I hope I'm on the right subreddit. There might be some inconsistencies in the text. I waited a few days after writing it before posting, and I also helped myself with a translator. Sorry for the length.

Hey, guys. I wanted to post to r/neet but they don’t allow new accounts. I’m a Reddit lurker but haven’t posted before.  This is a TA, so I probably won’t reply, but I can check for resources.

I lived with my grandparents my entire life. My bio parents aren’t in the picture. Thing is, my grandparents are now both dead. My grandma died a week ago. We finished with the funeral, now I have to figure out what to do with myself.

I quit school at age 16 due to social anxiety. I got my GED, but haven’t had any job experience besides being my grandmother’s CDPAP homecare caretaker (which I only got paid part-time). I’ve been living as a NEET for the past decade. I helped with errands, did basic caretaking, etc but have no college education or any “real” job. I spent all day at home unless necessary. I liked it that way, btw. It wasn’t that I was depressed. I just don’t get along with people too well and have no life/career goals. I was planning on beginning community college probably next year, but that doesn’t seem viable.

My grandma had Section 8. I’m trying to get it swapped over to me. I’m also trying to qualify for SNAP and emergency assistance (to help with bills).

But, I am not on disability. I don’t know how to qualify. I don’t want to be on disability for life either. I just need to figure out a career path and get into it.     

I am 27F in the UK and currently on £26k per year. I would like to progress in my career.

Progress for me would look like:
- more money + responsibilities. (I would like to progress to around £35k-£40k per year in the next 5 years if possible.)
- out of customer facing work.

Current experience:
-working front of house in museums. been stuck in this rut for years, mainly bc I've been in a comfort zone with it. its actually enjoyable and low stress for me being surrounded by art all day and chatting to visitors, being on a big team of lovely friendly people, but it doesn't earn a lot of money.) Also do about 30k steps a day.

- As a student I was on a national committee for students and organised conferences and events + set up an essay contest where I organised a sponsor + academic judges for the contest. I just mention this bc I feel like thats the only other thing I have which is translatable into job skills like admin or something.

Interests:
- I would be interested in staying in museums but not front of house. potentially interested in organising public programmes in museums or something like that?

- I don't have huge requirements, just that I would prefer to have a positive impact than a negative one. (neutral is ok too, I just don't wanna be working for an evil company.)

I think I need to gain experience in other things and I am willing to do that through volunteering as long as there are clear projects and deliverables I can put on my CV.

How did you find it?

Hi everyone im new to reddit so please bare with me, also typing on my phone so if formatting is odd thats why lol.

Im stuck and have been for over 10 years. I live in a dead end city with very few opportunities and far less things to do, think no enrichment in my enclosure lol. Ive worked retail and a few other jobs here and there but the pay has been barely enough to get by. Ive tried schooling, first our of high school I was going for graphic design. I was always artsy and I loved to draw i wanted to design characters for video games, however....I was not supported in this field by my parents. During my first semester my grandfather who I was close to got very sick and due to a lack of communication with my professors and even more depression than normal. I failed in this semester and being young and sheltered i was told no more school i needed a job. I worked mostly retail after. I tried going to school but school isnt my strong suit despite trying my hardest. I went for medical but I just couldn't grasp the subject and fell behind. I worked other jobs but nothing seemed to last long. I currently work at a gas station and its so far the most stable for me but it some days only barely sustains my needs. With the cost of living so high and the inflation its hard to make ends meet. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble lol. I guess ive just struggled with many options that never seem to stick. Im stuck and I dont know where to go or what to do. I love being creative and im a big nerd. I dont know what a career i can do that doesn't involve much schooling but i need something where I can be expressive and creative but no where around me has these options. Any advice? Sorry if this was a bit all over the place I guess I just wanted to get my feelings out there and see if any of you all have experienced the same. Thank you so much for your time.

What hurts most is that I cut myself off from my friends and ended up alone. No parties, nights out or people to make plans with. I spent years in my room, ashamed of how I looked, with insecurities I didn’t want to face or do anything about.

I kept telling myself I’d sort myself out, then start living. I’ve lost weight and my acne is much better now, but I don’t feel much more confident. I’m still putting everything off and waiting to feel ready.

I work full time and feel worn out afterwards. I have savings and could afford driving lessons, but still haven’t started.

Coworkers my age seem to be at a different stage. They talk about partners and plans, and I feel like I have nothing to add. I’m embarrassed about not studying and having an ordinary job, even though I wouldn’t judge someone else for that.

I spent a lot of time with one person and we went out often. I finally experienced things I’d missed, but felt behind. That friendship ended, and now I don’t have anyone I can really talk to.

I’ve never had a relationship or what I’d call a proper date. Some outings with a friend felt similar, but I wouldn’t call them actual dates. It didn’t bother me much before. Now I’m lonely and ashamed of having no experience.

I try to be funny and sarcastic, and that is part of who I am. But I can overdo it and wear people out. People sometimes seem to think they can’t talk seriously with me. I don’t know how to show them the part of me that feels unsure and wants to be close to someone.

I grew up poor, with just my mum and grandma around, and hated being pitied. I’ve never felt I could really rely on anyone. My mum wants to do everything for me, but I can cook, handle my own stuff and pay my instalments. I don’t take money from anyone. Still, I feel like a kid rather than an adult.

Guys how do I figure out what I'm actually interested in and what I might be passionate about? I wanna figure it out so I can choose a college major that actually suits me

I'm currently in my first year of university majoring in microbiology and I still can't tell if it's right for me or not I just wanna find something I'm genuinely interested in so I can switch to a major that aligns with my interests

The thing is, I honestly don't know much about myself when it comes to this stuff... The only thing I've noticed so far is that I LOVE thinking of actions and coming up with random scenarios, characters, plots, and all kinds of stuff. I do this multiple times a day probably more than four times a day for absolutely no reason I just enjoy making up scenarios and imagining different events and characters in my head

Other than that, I have no idea what my interests or passions are and it's kinda frustrating because I don't wanna end up choosing a major that I end up hating

So how did you guys figure out what you were interested in? Are there any methods or things I could try to discover my interests and find a major that suits me? I'd really appreciate any advice:)

I'm good with tech as in learning about how to keep my phone more secure and keeping my data private, like degoogling my phone as best as I can etc. And learning about how to use things but I suck at math, sports, dealing with people who are mean to me in school, I just feel like even though I'm good behind a screen I'm going to fail at life, I am good at working with my hands as thats what I did mostly when I was younger but that's really it, I know I can learn things like how to install a sink but I don't want to work for the rest of my life, I want to make money in the best and most efficient way possible and I know I can I just don't know where to start for myself, I've thought about the military as its a great way to get you on your feet and I struggle with defending myself or Idk I just feel like a loser with everything I try to do that's new to me. I do know how to do basic things like laundry and cooking and cleaning though, I know how to be an adult I just don't know what to do with my life and thinking about it makes me miserable.