(bro also not an exhibitionist so I can't even watch)

All health problems, no health insurance, no job, no friends, no life, no intelligence, no love.

been socially isolated for almost 7 years, never seen the sun for a year. I'm starting to feel like my mind is decaying.

I've been getting more suicidal ideations lately, (I'm not going to do anything because I'm a coward, though i have plans in the future), my mental health is just deteriorating, but I can't see a therapist because my family doesn't give a damn about mental health. To top it off, I extremely hate my body but I would have to keep living in it since I can't leave this country. I can never catch a break.

Feel far from Jesus and hated by God. God allowed it that I suffer but didn't allow me to die. Every part of my life feels like God was having a bad day when he created me. Bold of me to assume that He even pays attention to me in the first place.

I've been repressing my sadness for so long it's become anger.

If animals in terrible conditions and no hope get euthanised, then why not let people do it, too?

I hate how governments and people pretend to care about human life while keeping suffering people alive.

But at the end of the day I don't matter and my suffering is not unique. I have to get over it..

Just needed to get this off of my chest.

I guess it's time to pick up my Bible once again. I've been feeling like reading the book of Job.

I eat plenty of fiber for reference
Those times where i go to wipe and it comes out clean I get a lil dopamine rush

Hi all. Second time posting.

He knows I get zero play but he still comes to be for these things so I just larp. Coaches don’t play so on and so forth.

Unrelated but have you guys seen the discourse on Twitter about that cartoon of a girl rejecting dudes at different ages? Obviously different perspectives, but as a collective, every method of engaging in a relationship seems to have detractors.

Friends to lovers? Nope, you’re a creep for being into your friend and you’re actually exploiting them cause you’re “only friends to sleep with them”

Cold open? Nope, you’re a random stranger weirdo

Coworker/classmate? Nope, it’s inappropriate (which I do agree with) and becoming friends outside of that space links back to the first point.

Dating app? Nope, objectively shallow form of starting a relationship.

The only one I haven’t seen being mentioned was being introduced through a friend.

I’m not gonna pretend I know much about this. I still have a fundamental lack of understanding and interest in romantic relationships outside of a status symbol. But it just makes no sense. There’s no way to reconcile these things. What is the average dude actually supposed to do? Short of a girl coming up to you there’s no way to not be perceived as being a creep by at least some people.

They either don’t even notice that I’m on the top bunk because of the high safety or they either don’t give a shit. I pretty much just lie in bed when I’m not in class or at the gym so I think people just forget I’m there. they’ve fucked five times in my presence so far and I decided to just say fuck it and enjoy the sound around the third. I’m meant to b a cuck. there’s nothing in life I look forward to except to my daily slop meal and my shitty stale cigarettes

I don’t really know what to say, I don’t think things will ever get better. I’m doubt that things were even good at one point. I’m just a waste of space, even my dish is mid as fuck.

I’m ugly, do studies that probably won’t matter anymore and the worst part is that I try, I do try to go outside and meet new people like they all say… it just never works, trial is becoming a synonym of failure for me.

Son sandwich lost his respect for me and hates me. I'll probably eat him now.

I gooned last night for approximately 4 hours (including clean-up I guess) and my BG went to the 300s and I got extremely sick and nauseous. I tried drinking and started dry heaving and if I had thrown up I'd have to go to the ER and it would be expensive af. I felt like I might pass out while dry heaving and was actually moderaltey worried. I felt too sick to die right then but after I finished dry heaving I felt a lil better and drank more water. I slept for a few hours and felt a lot better then had a dizzy spell and thought I may pass out but I was ok with that cuz I at least wasnt dry heaving. Anyway I didn't even pass out so all that acceptance was for nothing.

Today I decided I couldn't goon again cuz that would be insane to do it two days after that extremely terrible night and obviously I needed a week off so I gooned for 5 hours again but I took insulin so I did better other then severe heart weirdness so I'm worried I caused new heart issues since I have serious heart issues that could kill me and I've been told not to do things that cause my heart this much stress.

I'm a goontard and I probably need a therapist since I have a goon and porn addiction. If soyciety didn't deem me subhuman and make me incel this wouldn't happen.

I feel like I was able to put the thought of a relationship out of my mind for the past few years but since I've kind of accepted that I like guys I've been thinking about it a lot.

My only real cope is working out so someone might be attracted to me but that only makes me feel better for a few hours. I've been considering going back to sh. I haven't done that for probably 2+ years but I miss it. I don't want to drink alcohol everyday because that will just make me look worse and I already hate the way I look.

If I don't get a relationship in the next year or two I'm prob just ending it.

Baklava I made for my coworkers

I dropped out of uni at the start of this year because i didn't like my course and thought i'd get a job but I haven't. I'm also too scared to apply in person (maybe why i can't get a job), i think I might have social anxiety. Also the blueberry cobbler was too sour.

i feel fine, but i know i probably need to do real work to get rid of how i feel deeper.

chocolate chip bagel with pumpkin smear, energy drink, and cookies

I just need the courage to do it.

Beef stew curry omurice.

The department where I did my master’s is making students post mental health checks to Canvas because I got so depressed. I’m struggling to apply for jobs and I do poorly in the interviews I do land. I’m fat, in debt, have no friends, and live with my parents.

Crown royal (feat. dog) (feat. cone of shame)

I wish there was a cute woman who liked anime, guns and videogames unironically

For my art course I wanted to eat a ladybird (ladybug) to ‘make a point about why we empathise with some animals and not others o algo’ (don’t care that much about veggie preaching just wanted to prove to myself normies base all their ethics on what’s cute or sexy). So I found a ladybird put it in a glass box with some grass and raisins and wet tissues and stuff. Left it in the class for a few weeks. Put a little sign up saying class pet, even added some close up pictures with like pink bows and sparkles edited on. Worked like a charm. I’m in a small class of mostly f- i mean girls. They would always go up to the box and be like aww and record it doing random stuff I think one of them even had an instagram account of it 😭. None of them knew it was mine and I was feeding it.

Anyway a few weeks pass and the ladybird is missing. People were confused. I get up and I do my presentation, show some pieces blah blah. And at the end I show my video where I reveal I put it there, fed it, and finally showed a close up video of me clamping my teeth down on it and eating it. People actually gasped. One of them got up and left. See I knew they’d be pissed the problem is everyone hates me now. Usually they just don’t look at me now they keep looking at me angrily while talking with each other. Still saw one of them eating a ham sandwich later. Seen one of them kill a spider before too. People have so much contempt for anyone and anything ugly. Ah well maybe the spider just had a bad personality.

Women say "men shouldn't judge their past" fine but they also say "eww you are a virgin and incel".

The double standards speak for themselves, using virgin and incel as an insult is as bad as "slut".

dogs out hogs out + grippers out nippers out + dont call them moids bro