So, for context my mother is a fully Black woman, and I'm mixed.

My mother came home today very upset, she told me that when she was at a restaurant, the server was acting extremely dismissive. She made my mother feel stupid and completely ignored her to instead talk to my white father, so basically racism.

Because of this, she was already heated when she came home. I didn't know this at the time, and I was equality upset though because some fucking lunatic almost shot up my house literally 30 minutes pior and I had to hide in the damn basement, but that's a different story.

When my mother finally talked to me about it, she began to speak about her stuggles as the only Black woman in this household. This caught me off guard, because I am also a Black woman of this household, regardless of me being mixed. She then told me that I am basically white. I have the exact same face and hair as her, the only difference is that I have light skin.

This got me upset, but I understand her point, being the only fully Black woman in the house with a White husband who didn't comfort her in the face of racism and two lightskinned children must feel isolating in a way I'll never understand.

Her comment just made me feel weirdly alienated from her and Blackness as a whole. I've just finished dealing with some identity issues, and her making thay commet kinda made me feel some type of way.

It really doesn't help that she keeps making those commets every one and then saying stuff like "you wouldn't be a slave" I most definitely would have, "people would look at you weird if you said you were Black" I freely talk about my Afro culture and no one bats an eye, "If you could choose a race category on a job application, you would choose White" I always choose Latino and Black.

Sigh. I love my mom dearly, I just feel like shit sometimes when she says these types of thing because it completely ignores my experiences with racism. I understand that I have it much better than fully Black or darker skinned folk, but it still hurts.

Let me know if I'm stepping out of line with this, thanks for reading, I'ma go cry myself to sleep now, idk why I'm so upset by this.

TL;DR my partner hates me for being mixed/non-white + i'm horrified.

wasn't sure whether to tag as a rant or discussion, kinda long.

it's been 9 years today since moving in with my partner (34) .. they just admitted last week that they hate me (33) + it's due to my race/culture.. when i asked them what i did or why they would hate me they just said something along the lines of idk, the way i was raised.

we have created a whole human + raised two kids (5yo + 10yo) together.. i'm disabled + rely on their help around here every day. no family around + only a few (mostly new) friends.

they say they no longer hate me, but i don't believe that.

idk what to do, i'm still in shock. as soon as they said it out loud in the heat of the moment i said i knew it .. felt it all these years, but was in denial, thinking i was being sensitive or it was just a culture shock cos they're from florida + raised by a white mom + a light-skinned Metís dad until they divorced when my (ex?) partner was young.

growing up i didn't realize i could be the victim of racism because i'm very light skinned with loose curls (irish bio-dad) + saw what my afro-indigenous mama went thru on the daily so by comparison i figured white people couldn't be racist towards me, but quickly have been learning how wrong i was.. there's privileges that have come from being so melanin redacted in this caste system fs, but in hindsight i'm starting to think they still will never see me as fully human.

i'm shaped different, move different, speak + act different in ways i can't control + they hate. looking back it's very clear to me that i'm not accepted as one of them + never will be, which i'm fully good with; what chills my bones is that i have been sleeping next to someone for the greater half of a decade who literally hates me for being me. therefore they hate my children, too.. trying to protect my children's spirits feels like a hopeless battle when we all live in the same home + i often need bed rest, so their other parent does a lot of the childcare, too. which is great in terms of taking care of the home + keeping the kids fed, etc. but i'm living in silent horror every day, feeling paralyzed + terrified for my children's futures; just stayin prayin to the Great Spirit + my ancestors right now.

i knew deep down that my white dad hated me, but he never said it out loud. it's something different to have the hate confirmed like that + laying beside me as i sleep.

has anyone else experienced something similar or suspected a partner hated them for being mixed? just looking for some innerstanding + insight here.. feeling very alone + disempowered😞

I genuinely don't understand my mother (her thought process).

Also be warned I will be complaining a lot...

We always get into fights and Im starting to believe it's because were from diffrent cultures. I was born in Japan but raised the African American way (if you know you know). I don't live in Japan anymore. But one day my mom told me she didn't like my accent and I was wondering what she ment and she said "hood accent" she said I was faking it. I don't know what she ment and I still don't know till this day (In Japan I went to a military school so I spoke English all the time never Japanese). She keeps bringing up my fake accent till this day even though ive spoken like this ever since I was born.

There was another point in time where when I was in middle school I was bullied really badly and instead of helping me she blamed me for getting bullied? Is this an Asian thing because I'm assuming so. Recently I talked to my mom about some kids making fun of my lashes and she said "its your fault". I said "no its not" and she proceeded to blame me again.

And sometimes whenever I speak perfect Japanese she wants to say, "you said that wrong" even though I know I said it right. I lived in Japan for around 10 to 12 years (dont remember but it was a while) so I know what I was saying is right but she always wants to correct me when there is no correction to be needed.

Another thing my mom does is ignore my mental health a lot. Like...a lot. I was diagnosed with depression and I needed my mom at the time but she acts like I don’t have depression.. Im used to it but I do wish she could acknowledge my mental health which she doesnt do. She never has actually. She also thinks Bs are bad....I tell her I got a B and she says, "you can do better". Im standing there wondering why she says that when she could have just said good job.

She's sabotaged me when I had a job too. At first she accepted the job and she was the only way I could get to it then all the sudden on the third day of working she tells me to get a uber...I haven't gotten a pay check nor allowance yet. Though I was able to keep the job for 3 months until she told me to quit because I needed to focus on school. I quit and try to hunt for a new job because I need money. All the sudden shes always so negative to me getting a job but she won't buy me any necessities.

Is there like any way me and her could get along? I do know that Japanese culture is very weird when it comes to family relationships and they protize good grades over health (sometimes).

I’m half white and half Pacific Islander my mom’s Pacific Islander and immigrated from her home country to Hawaii at a very young age. She met my dad while he was stationed in Hawaii and moved back to an extremely white community in Illinois with my dad. Recently I’ve noticed a new trend with the white people around me (around me for now but I’m likely cutting them off soon) where they deny my mixed race identity and call me white. They will say I look Caucasian, I’ve heard some claim that Pacific Islanders don’t even experience racism and they’ve never heard of people being racist towards Pacific Islanders (ignorant af but I’m not getting paid to educate willfully ignorant people). My own white family will also deny my mixed race, but love to hear about my trips to see my other family members. I am fairer skinned but carry most of the physical traits of a Pacific Islander, my hair, the calves and the muscle 😅 and the slight beige/ caramel skin color. I would also like to preface this that although I am fairer skin, growing up the people around here could immediately tell that I wasn’t just white. My first day of school kids were telling me I was black and mom had to teach me about our heritage. Since then it’s been a big mix of people rudely assuming my race and making racist Mexican jokes about me, calling me the n word, or throwing micro aggressions calling me the d slur. The D slur one kinda hurts more than anything else bc it’s one thing to be denied my racial identity but to be denied my sexual orientation or gender just irritates me even more especially because I’m cisgender and heterosexual. People would call me Maui from the movie Moana and just generally equate me to a man. People purposely mispronounce my indigenous name and even my Eurocentric first name. Random people at the bars would ask if I’m Native American and honestly I’m not offended when people just ask my race, but my friend group freaked out and started calling the random guy out for being weird bc why does my race matter.

I want to know why some white people feel so comfortable denying another persons mixed race identity. I don’t think POC need to act or look a certain way necessarily to share part of the experience of racism and I can admit I do still receive privileges from being fairer skin. I do have it easier compared to my ancestors and my fellow Pacific Islanders but idk I just wanna add to the conversation and nuance of racial matters.