Hi all, I'm keeping details vague because I don't want to out myself and cause more problems.
I'm a current PGY1 resident in a community program that essentially does different areas of ambulatory care as well as some dispensing pharmacy. In general, I don't have issues with the work or the program, and I'm doing well in my progression, all things considered.
However, I'm beginning to think that my co-residents don't want me there. Toward the beginning of the program, when we all didn't know each other well, one started a rumor about me. It was hurtful, but I knew it wasn't true, so after discussing with RPD (just for documentation, we both agreed the best move going forward was to do nothing unless it became a pattern), I moved on.
Recently we were assigned a project that really was not warranted to be a group project. It seemed like no one was working on it since we had first sat down to start it and it was coming due soon, so I started to mess with it a bit trying to figure out the best way to present the information. I ended up getting to a point where I had figured it out, but the information was scattered everywhere in a way that only made sense to me. I did send it to the group, but to make a long story short, I ended up finishing the whole thing because it would have been the same amount of work to get the information in a format they would be able to work with as to just do it myself. This is now the day before it is due. I was called out for taking learning experiences from the others and competing/trying to impress our preceptors by making them look bad. I immediately felt bad because that wasn't my intention at all.
I ended up speaking to the other person at a later point, and we cleared the air, or at least did our best, but the more I sit with this, the less okay I'm feeling.
I am AuDHD. I really struggle to read people in situations like this, and at this point, I feel like I'm either going to be walking on eggshells the rest of the year to make sure nothing I do or say comes across as competing, showing off, bragging, or getting in the way of someone else's learning. And I already know they started a group chat without me and it was alluded to that they were talking about me there after this whole situation. I'm exhausted. I'm burning out quickly because I'm trying to avoid daily panic attacks. My living space is a disaster. I'm trying to get in with my therapist, but we keep having scheduling issues.
I'm feeling very lost and would like to hear any thoughts. My biggest concern with quitting residency would be getting myself blacklisted from being hired from there in the future.
Of course, this is one side of the story, and lots of details and nuance were left out for the sake of brevity and an attempt at anonymity.