JJ, my best friend of 13 years, crossed the bridge on Saturday. I've never missed anyone so badly in my life. I miss our walks, I miss his hugs, I miss the constant sound of his panting. It's so quiet now.
I got him in the summer of 2013, and he was the cutest little thing I'd ever seen. He was the only one in his litter who came up to me and my then girlfriend (now wife). We were in love. He was rambunctious, conniving, and too smart for his own good. He liked to dance, steal your socks as you were putting them on, and wake us up with his sloppy licks. If you left anything on the counter within his reach, it was his. If you wanted to play fetch, you had to use 3 tennis balls to counter against this ball hog. For 3 years, it was just my girlfriend, me, and JJ. Eventually, we got his little sister. She was a 2 year old rescue, from somewhere down south, and the sweetest dog you would ever meet. They were instantly inseparable. They each had their own bed, but that didn't matter. They were always curled up with each other. On walks, they basically pushed against each other, as if they were trying to merge into one dog. We were a family. Fast forward several years, several new cities, a newlywed couple, to 2020. He was 7, and was starting to slow down. He was gaining weight, losing his fur, and just all around miserable. The doctor told us it was his kidneys, so we put him in special kidney food and watch him slowly get worse and worse. We moved to a new city, where the vet instantly knew it was a thyroid issue. We put him on his new medication, and he bounced back like nothing had ever happened. I had my goofball back. Around that same time, my wife developed puppy fever, and wouldn't you know it, now there were 3 of them. After lots of unease and reluctance, JJ finally accepted the new puppy, and the trio began. After spending time in a small town, we decided it was time to move back to the big city, where we could settle in, really work on our careers, and start a family. We bought a new house with a nice fenced in back yard. That first summer was great. Throwing the ball all day, laying in the grass, barking at all the neighbor dogs. It was everything he ever wanted. Winter came and went, and we find out we're expecting! Everything is going as planned! We decide to take them on their first big Springtime walk, and we notice blood on JJ's paws. We aren't sure whats going on, so we keep a close eye on him. We notice he is kind of dragging his back leg, so we take him to the vet for some x-rays. The vet doesn't see anything that stands out in his hips or back, but he did discover a mass in JJ's abdomen. If it's malignant, we have a few months, if it's benign, he'll be fine. He had the surgery, and had to get his entire Spleen removed. After a week or so of uncertainty, the doctor called me, with great news. It turns out it was BENIGN! Everything will be good! Just let him heal up and he'll be back to his old self. We kept watching... letting him heal... waiting for him to get better. But as we waited, we watched his back leg start to drag more and more. But he's still the happy-go-lucky guy he's always been, so we let it go. We thought maybe it was due to the surgery. Maybe he's just in more pain than we thought. We eventually brought him in to the vet, where they decide he probably has arthritis. So we put him on meds for the arthritis, and he keeps getting worse. We brought up the idea that maybe he had a slipped disk. Nope, just let the arthritis meds work. He continued to get worse and worse. 3 weeks ago, he completely lost the use of his back legs. He's miserable. He can't use the bathroom on his own, he can't get around without our help. We decide it's probably time. We set up the euthanasia appointment, but I decide to give it one last shot. I take him to the vet, tell her, this is a slipped disk, please treat him for it. So she gives us new meds, and says, if its a slipped disk, these have a 70% chance of getting him back to normal. So we cancel the euthanasia appointment and start him on his new meds... and things start to look up. He's moving his limbs again, he's holding his pee in all night, this might actually work! On Saturday, October 17th, he falls over while trying to go to the bathroom, and his whole body locked up. It wasn't a seizure, but a back spasm, which led to his entire body tensing. It was midnight, and all I could do was try to keep him calm, and ease him through the event. The next morning, all he could do was lay on his side. It was so bad, he seemed to helpless, and I felt so awful about letting this happen to him. I asked his vet the next morning if it was something he could still come back from. She told me that, if there's no improvement within a week, she didn't expect him to recover. So a week of watching over him, keeping him comfortable, changing his potty pads and cleaning him, and he has regained some strength. He can lift his head, his neck, his shoulders... but it's not enough. So we made the call, for Saturday, October 24th. The morning of, he started the day with eggs, steak, bacon, potatoes, and cheese. The best breakfast skillet you could ask for. He spent the day laying in the yard, taking in the smells, feeling the breeze, barking at the neighbor dogs, and eating all the puppy ice cream he could want. The vet came to our house. He was surrounded by his family. He wasn't scared. He wasn't in pain. We let him know how much we loved him, how good of a boy he was, and how much we were going to miss him. He went to sleep still eating ice cream.
I've lost all my grandparents. I've lost aunts, uncles, childhood friends. I've never cried as hard as when I said goodbye to my little boy. When I placed his fragile little body into the basket, the last time I'd ever touch his fur, the last time I'd see his face... as soon as the door closed behind them, I completely broke down.
These last few days have been strange. I'll be doing ok, when the smallest thing will remind me of him, and I'll completely lose it. The other 2 are doing ok. They know he's gone. They were there when it happened. They saw him leave. I know it takes time, and I will eventually stop crying. I'm just so sad that this little boy who played such a huge role in my life will never be able to meet my daughter. Will never see his little sister. I was hoping against hope that he would at least make it till then...
I'm not really sure why I even wrote this... maybe I needed a release.... maybe it was therapeutic... I just wanted to share his story. To let the world know that he existed. That he was loved. And that he will forever be missed.
I love you JJ. You'll always be in my heart.
