My adult son has ADHD and autism. He can’t seem to shower, clean up after himself, or do anything without being told or reminded millions of times. He’s had many years of therapy and skills sessions. He’s had far more opportunities and education that I’ve had and constantly makes excuses on doing the bare minimum.

He moved out and stiffed his first roommate and was forced to pay an excessive cleaning bill on his second roommate. He moved back home after we had to tear apart his room with how disgusting it was left (kept that video). Nothing has changed. Always an excuse and it’s just quite frankly just selfish and entitlement at this point.

So I also have a myriad of neurodivergence that I had to learn to navigate on my own. I had to create my own coping techniques because no one else was going to diagnose me or give me support in the 80s and 90s. Hell, I didn’t even really have parental guidance because I was left to my own devices young and had to take care of myself and the long ass list of chores to have done everyday.

I’m just tired that all the coping techniques in the world and all I hear are excuses from people of “sorry I’m late, I have ADHD” or “sorry I can’t clean up after myself or wipe the 💩 and pee off toilet because I’m autistic” or “taking a shower is too hard so I don’t care if my stench bothers you”.

It’s just selfish and entitlement at this point. I’m ready to be the AH parent and say “I’m sorry, I no longer can parent you. I have my own crap to deal with and I don’t have time to keep parenting you at 22”.

(He has no developmental delays or actual impediments to being a functioning adult. He’s made his own LLCs, built his own businesses, taught himself many things and did very well in school. He just can’t be bothered to basic hygiene or clean up after himself or help around the house without being told. He will watch people struggle and he just does the dead eye stare)

Please stop telling us to relax. It’s not helpful.

Also please stop saying “well maybe it isn’t meant to be, you need to prepare for that” like no crap it’s not a gurantee? Is anything in life a guarantee??

Would you tell a women who recently got pregnant, “You know you might have a miscarriage, they are really common in the first trimester, so prepare for that” NO because that’s cruel.

It amazes me how people think they have such original thoughts. You don’t think everytime my period comes I think if it will ever happen?

Stop offering your kids, “Oh you can have mine!” no I don’t want them.

And stop suggesting adoption or surrogacy.

And if it was easy for you to concieve AWESOME! But why are you telling me this as I just told you in struggling?

Where’s the empathy people.

My dog Ponchi, has been my best friend for 14 years. 14 years of coming home to a wagging tail and excited zoomies. 14 years of runs, walks, bike rides, cuddles on the couch, learning and forgetting tricks, knowing each other so well that we know what all of each other's tones, gestures and habits mean.

3 weeks ago we went to the vet and he got a perfect bill of health. Heart, lungs, organs, blood work, all excellent! Then over the weekend, he started acting weird. Yesterday I took him back to the same vet sheepishly, expecting to be gently told that I worry too much, but instead they told me to rush him to the animal Hospital. They took a sample of his lung tissue and he has advanced lung cancer. The same lungs that were "great" 3 weeks ago.

I'm so mad. I'm mad at the young vet who saw him 3 weeks ago and should have noticed something! Or tested more! I'm mad at myself for not taking him in sooner, not pushing for more tests, for not seeing that he was in pain.

I'm mad that he's gotten sick so suddenly. He was meant to gradually become a stiff sore old grandpa, slowing down over years and then getting put to sleep when the multitude of ailments got too much. He was meant to be some ridiculous age like 22.

I'm mad because he is due to turn 15 in December. We were going to take him to the dog cafe, he was going to wear his fanciest bowtie. It was going to be adorbs.

I'm mad for not cherishing every day with him. The number of times over the years he came to me for a pat but I was busy, tired or... just took him for granted. times I went somewhere fun and left him at home because "it's too much trouble bringing a dog". I should have taken him every possible place, every day.

I'm not even mad really, I'm just so, so sad.

I asked a family member for a minor favor, that would have helped me out a lot, but only a minor inconvenience for them, and they acted like they were too busy even though I know for a fact they weren’t. Today is one of the most important days of my life, I have something really huge and personal happening today, and this favor would have been extremely helpful. I’ve helped said person before when they needed me but when it comes to helping me on one of the most important days of my life, they don’t feel like it. I’m writing this on the train trying not to cry with tears stinging my eyes. Why is life so fucking hard?

I turned 26 in mid-August, which meant it was finally time to say goodbye to my parents' health insurance and enroll in my company's insurance plan.

WHAT. IN. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

I have been on this insurance for approximately TWO MONTHS, and I am already convinced this entire industry was designed by Satan himself as some kind of elaborate psychological torture experiment.

Let me paint you a picture of the absolute NIGHTMARE that has been my existence.

ACT ONE: THE GREAT INSURANCE DISAPPEARING ACT

I turned 26 in August. I submitted ALL of my qualifying life event paperwork. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do to get enrolled.

And then?

NOTHING.

Radio silence. Apparently, my paperwork was launched directly into the fucking void.

August comes and goes. September comes and goes.

MID. FUCKING. OCTOBER.

THAT IS WHEN THEY FINALLY GET ME INTO THEIR SYSTEM.

TWO. ENTIRE. MONTHS.

But don't you worry, because you know what WAS working flawlessly that entire time???

THEM TAKING MONEY OUT OF MY PAYCHECK.

OH, SO YOU CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY, BUT YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GIVE ME THE INSURANCE I'M PAYING FOR???

FASCINATING. TRULY GROUNDBREAKING STUFF.

ACT TWO: THE PROVIDER HUNGER GAMES

Now that I FINALLY exist in their system, I think, "Great! I can finally schedule a doctor's appointment!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, you sweet, stupid, optimistic little fool.

I go to the website my insurance company provides to find an in-network doctor.

I find one! I call!

"We don't accept that insurance."

Okay. Weird. Whatever. Moving on.

Find another one. Call.

"We don't take that insurance."

...Okay?

Third provider.

NOPE.

FOURTH PROVIDER.

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT.

FOUR. FOUR PROVIDERS LISTED ON MY INSURANCE COMPANY'S OWN WEBSITE WHO APPARENTLY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF MY FUCKING INSURANCE.

At this point, I'm starting to wonder if my insurance is even real. Am I paying for an elaborate subscription service to NOTHING??? Did I accidentally sign up for a monthly donation to some CEO's yacht fund???

ACT THREE: THE WEBSITE THAT WAS A LIE

I decide to call my insurance company.

Because SURELY there must be some kind of explanation for this.

I explain the situation, and they inform me that...

THE WEBSITE THEY DIRECT YOU TO FOR FINDING PROVIDERS ISN'T EVEN THE CORRECT FUCKING WEBSITE.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT?

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOUR OWN WEBSITE, WHICH YOU PROVIDE TO YOUR OWN PAYING CUSTOMERS, SENDS THEM TO A PROVIDER DIRECTORY THEY AREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE USING???

WHO IS RUNNING THIS COMPANY???

THREE RACCOONS IN A TRENCH COAT???

So they give me a NEW website.

Okay. Fine. Wonderful. Maybe the nightmare is finally over.

ACT FOUR: THE PHONE NUMBERS FROM HELL

I go to the CORRECT website.

I find providers.

I start calling.

THE FUCKING PHONE NUMBERS DON'T WORK.

THE NUMBERS.

DO. NOT.

WORK.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? SEND A FUCKING CARRIER PIGEON??? COMMUNICATE THROUGH SMOKE SIGNALS??? MANIFEST A DOCTOR THROUGH THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING???

I AM BEGGING. BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES. PLEASE JUST LET ME GIVE SOMEONE MONEY TO LOOK AT MY MEDICAL PROBLEMS.

ACT FIVE: THE FINAL STRAW

By some divine miracle, I find a phone number that ACTUALLY WORKS.

A REAL HUMAN ANSWERS.

I COULD HAVE CRIED.

We start scheduling an appointment.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The heavens are opening. Angels are singing. For one fleeting moment, I believe there might actually be a God.

The scheduling lady asks for my insurance.

I tell her.

THE. LINE. GOES. FUCKING. DEAD.

...

I genuinely just sat there staring at my phone.

I HAVE NO WORDS.

NONE.

I AM 26 YEARS OLD. I HAVE BEEN AN ADULT FOR YEARS. I PAY MY BILLS. I HAVE A JOB. I PAY MY TAXES.

WHY DOES SCHEDULING A FUCKING DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT FEEL LIKE I'M TRYING TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS OF A VIDEO GAME THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO MAKE ME LOSE MY WILL TO LIVE???

I HAVE JUMPED THROUGH EVERY HOOP. I HAVE CALLED EVERY NUMBER. I HAVE VISITED EVERY WEBSITE. I HAVE GIVEN THESE PEOPLE MY MONEY.

AND FOR WHAT???

FOR FUCKING WHAT???

I DON'T WANT A YACHT. I DON'T WANT A MILLION DOLLARS. I DON'T EVEN WANT GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE ANYMORE.

I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???

WHY DOES THIS INSURANCE COMPANY EXIST??? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE OTHER THAN TO COLLECT MY MONEY AND SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROY MY LAST REMAINING SHREDS OF SANITY???

I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN INSURANCE FOR TWO MONTHS, AND I AM READY TO FILE FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES.

If this is what being 26 is like, I would like to return it. I have the receipt. This product is defective.

TL;DR: Turned 26. Got company insurance. Took two months to get enrolled despite them taking my money the whole time. Their provider website lists doctors who don't accept my insurance. Insurance company tells me it's the WRONG WEBSITE. New website has phone numbers that don't work. Finally get someone on the phone, tell them my insurance, and the call drops. At this point, I am convinced my insurance policy is actually just a monthly subscription to psychological warfare.

You’d think given that one has a curved C shaped snout and one has a narrow A shaped snout, the obvious choice would be to give the one with the C shaped snout the name crocodile BUT NO, THEY GAVE THE ONE WITH THE A SHAPED SNOUT THE NAME CROCODILE AND ITS JUST NOT OK

Over the weekend I was on an overseas flight with a coworker. I travel quite often and have pretty much everything I need in a carry on. He told me he started to feel ill and felt cold.

We’ve traveled together before and he knows I keep a hooded sweatshirt in my carry on. He asked if he could borrow it. I said yes, but unless something serious happens please don’t wash it and definitely don’t put it in a dryer.

I wash it by hand with cold water and Woolite Dark detergent. Then I air dry by hanging it up and use a fan. Since it is usually worn over another shirt it rarely gets too dirty.

Well he just returned it to me. It is now a size smaller and the deep black color now has a white film to it.

I said, you washed it in hot water and dried it in a dryer didn’t you? He said yeah I wanted to give it back to you clean because I was sick. I’ve had it for years and it still looked new. I told him to keep it because it doesn’t fit anymore. He sorta stared at me confused and I insisted he keep it.

I left my office to go meet with someone who was waiting.

I’ve had this hoodie for over 10 years. People really piss me off.

Rant over. Thank you for hearing me out.

Seriously, I see this so much. I just saw someone say that “warm water is round and cold water is pointy, this is something only neurodivergent people understand” like no it’s not it’s a very common thing for people to associate feelings and sounds with shapes. I’ve also seen people say that if you relate other people’s experiences to your experiences in conversations that means that you are neurodivergent. That is something that literally everyone I have ever met does, it’s how humans converse. I feel like you would only have an issue with that if you were a complete narcissist and only ever want to talk about yourself.

Js a short rant

Idk if this is because people comment on her that she does it to me but sometimes it's frustrating but talking about it doesn't help because I'm not smart enough that I don't have the right words to use

Sometimes she comments on my acne and why I'm so lazy and messy,why I'm upset and moody and everything must have a reason on why I am the way I am

Maybe that's how she cares but it's eating me alive and maybe this is the reason why I am indesicive but idk

Most ambiverts like myself consider themselves to be extroverts until they meet real extroverts and see how difficult it is to form any meaningful bonds with most of them. I used to say "Man, i wish i had an extroverted friend that would be up to do anything with me." But looking at some of my friends now, i realize that i DO have extroverted friends, its just that they cant hang out with me cuz their next 14 days are booked by other people.

I've had two friends like this, one of them i dont talk yo anymore and the other, well im kinda growing tired of the other one too. These two, despite having completely different lives, circles, locations and backgrounds act the exact same way.

You call them to talk about something, they cut the call short because they gotta do something and tell you they'll call you back which they never do. Why call and not text? Cuz they respond to their texts once every full moon. They will cancel plans as late as possible, have zero empathy and hurt you without realizing.

Another thing i picked up on is that extroverts, most of the time, have zero self awareness, cant read the room for shit and on the rare occasions that they do show up to meet you, they will ruin the hangout by bringing some other people unannounced. Sometimes they will literally meet new people on the go and try to include them in the conversation!

I dont know, maybe this is my personal experience, but to this day i've known only three true extroverts, two being my friends and the third being a mutual, and they all consistently share these characteristics, literally not one difference in the way they act.

Why on earth do people care so much about the fact that I don’t have a job, or that I choose not to work?
They aren’t paying for my food or anything else in my life, so why does it concern them?!
People treat you in the worst possible way the moment they find out you’re unemployed even my own sister does it :/

I have savings from my previous job, and I simply wanted to take a full year-long break but it has turned into the worst experience of my life.
I had hoped for a relaxing year and focusing on my hobbies, and give myself some personal time. Because I needed this.

Instead it has become a living hell filled with pressures I can’t even bring myself to talk about with anyone.
I’ve stopped going out because yes, I can’t afford going out much and I don’t want to! why do you care? It’s incredibly frustrating how poorly people treat you, even when you have the money to support yourself!The thing is I stull work as an freelance artist I haven’t actually stopped working all year I’m still selling my art! Yes, I may not get money for two months but I’m FINE with it why do YOU care????
I’ve gotten rid of having a boss who dictates what I should do in exchange for a monthly paycheck. Thats it!

I honestly can’t stand this situation I can’t stand it at all! :/

This is such a dumb and stupid thing but as an adult (26f) this Is also just very annoying to have to worry about.

When my best friend (28f) and I were getting closer, we on occasion would do “group orders” on online websites just so we could get to the free shipping threshold or for some stores “she” had a higher status so she would get better benefits and would ask me if I wanted to do a group order with her. A

In the beginning I used to because it was a little more convenient and sometimes an additional 10% off is nice. So I would do that and then obviously Venmo her for my portion. But then she started to let it slip that these accounts were her mom’s accounts. I started to realize that my best friend wasn’t paying for a single thing she was ordering because she was using her MOMS CREDIT CARD. Of course I pay for my stuff because it’s my stuff I’m ordering but for some reason it feels so off for my best friend to then take my money and pocket it for herself. I know she isn’t giving the money back to her mom. So my best friend is getting all free product while making extra money off of me.

When I realized this, I just stopped doing group orders with her. It really is as simple as that but now that I’ve stopped she’s been extra pushy and is constantly asking if I want to do an order with her. I haven’t told her I knew what she was doing but I think it’s so Intresting how my own best friend wants to “scam” me for my money lol.

Theres a couple comments I came across..

Milder as in less people die, not milder as in you feel less sick with it

People got over it bc theyre normal.

Both were talking about covid, the first was a reply to someone saying, symptoms got milder .. reply to that saying, I've gotten it since, feels like the first time I got it .

I'm so tired, of people saying stupid things in such surety, where it takes so long to really dravel.. in the Meantime people oh, yup thats right ..it goes in everything

Anyone, saying something wrong, with enough conviction can be believed.. enough people believing, can easily become fact ..

I'm not going to unravel the whole thing..

Nearly 10 mil dead. The world shut down, countries Normally not getting along, coordinated. Factories, cars, planes, shut down long enough to effect the ozone layer.. something people were trying to figure out for decades, Almost 40 years ..The, World, agreed, on Something .. the entire world, that doesn't happen..

The last time a global catastrophe effecting nearly the entire world where 10 mil people died.. was wwii. Only one was a parasitic virus trying to spread across the globe trying to kill anything it could.. other was covid.

Premise still remains, ill say one more thing.. people still aren't over 9-11 ..this, was Bigger than 9-11.

Normal people don't get over historic, global effected events where near 10 mil died that lasted several, about 2.5, years..

People are stupid, people who are Very sure they're right but are stupid generally are dangerous ..all it takes is one line from one person, then most believe.. to cause damage. Won't even get into the first one . Level of sickness usually equates to level of severity, in symptom.. severity of symptom, equates to level of how sick you feel. generally.. little to no one feels great if they have something that is killing them without medical intervention ..but thats a whole other rant, which would take another page . Unless your nervous system, brain, (or you're lying) is effected. severe symptoms usually equate to worse feeling in sickness.. you feel real bad, if you have more than mild illness.. basically, but I'm not doing two in one posts, so ill leave that in bare info ..less nuance, sorry .

I'm tired of stupid people, saying half thoughts that.. make Zero sense if you think about it for more than one second, become the main voice other people listen to because, Hmm, you sound Pretty sure about that..

Everyday life as well.. people who Sound sure, usually are believed if they can make it sound like a half decent thought when really. They're half asking it, bc they probably were tired of being calles stupid for so long ..so then learned to package it better et Voila ! Suddenly, other stupid people listen.. and most common sense says, if Everyone thinks x, x may be true . If you have enough thinking something most people think there's something to it, when really.. was started by some backward hat guy working on his car .

I very much doubt most people could say, if enough people (especially if they knew them personally ) thought something they wouldn't consider, even for a min, it was true.. I mean Hey, religion was prominent, still is for a Long time.. so who says any of you wouldn't be buckled by the same thing .. same premise, all it takes is one person convincing a few nice people (in personality ), and boom.. suddenly, it's something you consider. Thats why rumors, etc are a thing, people mostly believe "Just in case.. " whw they may have been started by hat guy, or insta girl ..

Today I feel is a chaos day. There's so much stuff happening and everything is confusing. Maybe it's just because I'm getting old but wow. I just feel like I'm stumbling through life and my joints are getting sore so it's hard to go too fast

Necessary disclaimer that I don’t hate kids, because apparently saying you are child free or don’t want kids means you hate them.

If you say you don’t want children because of the responsibility, cost or sacrifice, I’ve noticed that you get a lot of pushback from parents. The main things they say is stuff like “they’re not a sacrifice!” “Kids don’t cost that much” “you can do all the same things when you have kids!”

This is obviously not true. Having children is a sacrifice. Maybe you don’t care about the things you are sacrificing so it doesn’t feel like it but that doesn’t stop it from being true. Parents are limited in options for travel. Kids hinder your ability to plan for the future. Kids are hard work and effort. Why are we pretending that they’re not? I’ve lived with my child free sister, and with my sister and her three kids. The difference is MASSIVE. I love my nibblings but having them along DID stop me from doing things I wanted to do, rather than only having to consider an adult who is capable of communication and compromise.

Also I firmly believe that parenting is only difficult if you are doing it correctly. It’s very easy to plop a toddler at grandmas house in front of an iPad and pump them full of red40 and sugar. It’s more difficult to find the financial stability, partnership and again, SACRIFICE, needed to actually raised a child into a contributing member of society.

When I think about having a kid I have never imagined half-assing it because I consider bad parenting to be a moral failiure. In my view, it’s sooo much worse to have kids, without thought of their future to be raised by unwilling parents because they did not think it through. They’re not puppies you can give away when they stop being cute. Isn’t it more respectful of parents to say “this is a decision I have thought about and a commitment I don’t take lightly.”

And what’s wrong with saying you don’t want that responsibility? Because another response I get whenever I make the mistake of interacting with the above comments is “well, you’re just afraid of responsibility!” “You’re immature!” “I hope you never have kids because you’d clearly be a bad parent!” I feel like these are moral judgments. You can claim they are not but they are, because they are insinuating you are a bad person for not wanting kids.

Being an electrician, a doctor, a lawyer are also huge responsibilities, and sacrifices. But if you say you don’t want to be a doctor nobody ever says you are dodging responsibility or would be a bad doctor.

Iv even seen someone say that they think people without kids aren’t full grown adults! I know that is an extremist view point but the fact that that was said and upvoted is insane to me.

How many fucking times I set a date up only to get rescheduled and then to hear “I’m sorry to waste your time, your really cool but I’m in a weird place and not ready to meet new people. bye”

JUST FUCKING STAY ALONE YOU FUCKING DUMBASSES

Typed angrily and didn’t give a fuck about grammar, fuck off with the grammar corrections, not what the post is about.

I want to say I don’t know where to start but I do, 2017 I was 11 years old, I lived with my mother and grandmother and child welfare uplifted me from my mum by tricking me in to going to my father and his mothers for the weekend, the social worker showed up with a grin on her face saying “you won’t be seeing your mum anytime soon”, I briefly remember her chuckling, it took me an hour to understand it completely, I thought of how it would all be fine, I’ll figure it out. I didn’t, that weekend I didn’t eat, I sat in a room, no device, no talking, pure silence covering myself in couch cushions to darken the room around me. A year before all of this I was diagnosed with Coeliac disease (your body attacks you if you digest gluten/wheat), I remember my school reporting to child welfare that my mum wasn’t adhering to my diet because she sent me to school with a cookie but they didn’t understand it was gluten free so my mum looked like she was neglecting me, she wrapped me in bubble wrap, trying to keep my safe a lot as a kid because I was bullied for weigh issues due to my disease being undiagnosed for 10 years. Anyways, after the uplift I had to live with my father who had a crack addiction, step-mother who didn’t want me at the time and my two half sisters, I never felt welcomed, I didn’t feel apart of the family. I was different, they were a motocross, get in the mud and get rough family while I liked gaming, reading and staying inside because it’s comfortable to me.

Skip to me being 13, I go to a party my family is holding and they have an edible marijuana cake for adults. My aunty told me it was okay to eat and that they probably said I shouldn’t eat it just because the adults wanted the cake for themselves, I remember having 2-6 slices (hard to recall). I got insanely high that night and it started a three year problem of me getting high so often.

Around 14 my dad’s mother and aunty took me in due to negligence of my father and mistreatment by my step mother and her family. I had lived with them from 11-13 in the country-side. I was never given a legitimate answer to why I was taken away from my mother besides “she was being too much of your friend”. I struggled so hard to fit in at school, I didn’t know right from wrong. I got in to vaping at 14 and I’d get in to trouble at school. I just wanted to go home to my mum. At 14 I met a girl and we started dating, she’d hurt herself a lot and tell me about it and I tried so hard to help her stop self harming but it would never work. At 14 I lost my virginity to her and I never understood I was doing so many adult things. She’d lie to me, she befriended somebody who hurt me countless times, I cheated on her, her parents threatened to physically abuse me and her older brother who was 30 peer pressured me in to smoking weed when I tried to quit.

Around 15 I realised I was depressed, I dropped out of school, I had no friends, I was smoking so much weed, I did move back in with my mother though, but her and my grandmother would supply me with marijuana to help my anxiety and depression as anti depressants were making me sick. I went to a course outside of school and I was gaining a high tolerance to marijuana, a classmate of mine in my course was a drug dealer and gave me LSD dipped in magic mushroom juice, I took a whole tab that night at 15 years old and lost the ability to talk when I started tripping, I had to sign for my mother to call an ambulance, she had no idea what I had done. I went to hospital that night, in the ambulance I was blacking in and out of consciousness and at a point I was in a white void with no effect of the LSD that I was aware of at least, I thought I was dying, my brain was preparing me to let everything materialistic go because I thought I really had taken too much and my heart was beating terribly fast that the paramedic said it was equal to that of when a man fights a bear. I survived, sometimes I wonder if it was fortunate that I did? The overdose (psychologist called it that and said I had a psychotic episode because of it) led to generalised anxiety disorder, paranoia and derealisation disorder. I don’t remember the year of me being 15-16 as it was so blurry and recovering took so long, my eyes were sensitive to light for months and I was seeing shadows.

Than I was 16, I broke up with my girlfriend, she kept so many things from me but I also cheated, we were doing so many sexual things and I just let it all go to my head. After the breakup I found out she slept with my friend, it destroyed me. I then found another partner who I stayed with for roughly 11 months. I cheated on her online with other people from across the world, I was such an awful person. Outside of that though, I remember me going to go meet a person to get high with and a group of boys (one of which I unknowingly grew up with and lived with) were making rape jokes aimed towards a literal 7 year old. I insulted one of the boys for it and I was then beaten up and concussed, it was recorded and posted everywhere. People I went to school with saw it, I was never popular but I was known. Nobody wanted to be my friend, or never for long at least. I was always the weird kid.

Jump to me being 17, I broke up with that girl, I leave my mother to go live with my father because she won’t stop physically abusing and verbally abusing my grandmother. Me leaving my mum resulted in her having a heart attack. After a month of staying with my father I had chosen to leave by pretending to be sick while he went to work since I worked with him, I stole a lot of his hidden money and left him with distrust and betrayal, that same year I slept 4 other women to get over my break up and it broke me. I quit smoking marijuana though and met a new girl, she was (still is) the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid my eyes on, through her I met some new friends, they were awesome and I started coming out of my shell.

Jump to me being 20, I had to leave these friends because they chose to not care or defend my partner from the fact that one of my friend was dating a girl who was friends with a person who sexually abused my partner. I lost all of my friends that day, or all the friends I thought were my brothers. I met a new friend though and she was my partners colleague.

Jump to me being 21. I still have no male friends, I hurt my female friend by saying Yumeshipping seemed weird to me when it reached a certain extent and our friendship hadn’t honestly felt the same since. I feel so lonely, my mum and grandma still argue to this day, I still have trauma from drugs, I’ve developed severe ocd and a fear of germs as well as an eating disorder due to my fear of food poisoning because I have a phobia of vomiting. Since I was 11 years old I’ve always been told “it’ll get better”. Ok so when? When? It has been mostly misery, pain and suffering, I can’t get a job because I’m mentally fucked up, I’ve lost every friend I’ve felt incredibly close with. I hurt and disrespected women. I even got sexually manipulated by one girl at 17 who lied about being on birth control. I could have a kid out there for all I know. I feel like a failure, I’m still in contact with my dad, he’s got a new partner at the moment but she has cancer. My sisters missed me and I see them sometimes. I still hold such anger for their mother who was the one who made me feel like an unwanted piece of nothing. I resent the social worker who took me from my mother as my dad’s family is what got me in to drugs. I can’t afford proper therapy as counselling is just bullshit. And to top it all off my great grandmother died this year and it’s the first time I’ve ever felt grief like this. I feel like my partners parents think I’m not enough for her because I can’t work, I’m a mess, I can’t talk well in social situations. I’m alone, no friends, I’m alone everyday, my partner goes to uni. I sit in bed all day, too scared to go outside in case I ever get beaten up by someone. I play video games but I have nobody to play with, I eat nearly the same meal everyday because I’m so scared of eating meat. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I quit vaping at 19 years old I think? I can’t cry really either, the last time I absolutely whaled and bawled my eyes out I was much younger. When I see my dad I have mixed feelings, he’s done some awful shit but so have I. There’s so much more to all of what I said but I can’t express it all. Sometimes I want to let go, my mum argues with me every week, calls me nasty names and ungrateful when I look after her by brining her ice for her heart and stomach problems and I do the dishes and keep my area of the apartment clean. I feel unloved, unwanted and I feel like me existing shouldn’t be an occurrence. I feel it’s as if I only receive pity as attention almost? I want to have mates again, I want to have a group that I can say “hey boys let’s hangout” to. I want people to make the effort to talk to me as well. I know that the only person who actually cares about me is my partner. If I was gone though nobody else would care. I’ve lost every other good thing in my life besides my current partner. I lost every best friend that I had such a brotherly bond with. I have no gaming buddies, can’t work, can’t move forward. I have no talents. I feel like a ghost. In no way do I expect anybody to read all of this as it’s just a lot but if you did, thanks for reading, I’ve been so desperate for someone to hear me. I’ve felt terrible for sometime now.

Side note: I’ve even taken up a few beliefs then as well but it just makes me feel even more different. I’ve decided to become a pacifist as well as being anti-natalist. Being anti-natalist scares the hell out of me because I know my partner said she wanted kids in the future during the beginning of our relationship, although she’s said she’ll stay with me regardless it’s hard to trust because people who want children don’t usually (keyword usually) just stop wanting what they naturally and biologically desire. So I’m paranoid about all that too.

I am very well off, so to alleviate my children’s life burdens, I paid off their mortgages. Most people would be thrilled. Nope, my DIL complained that my daughter’s mortgage is larger so I should give my son and DIL the difference. Then, she said I paid the mortgage so I could ‘hold it over her head’. I then said, “Most people would just be happy and not complain about a gift.”

I dunno about the paranoid stuff but should I really pay them the difference?

This may seem stupid to some people, but I loath cookie cutter houses, like WHY!

It is so STUPID, that someone woupd make the same house on repeat, they just bulldoze 30 hectares and place the most bullshit looking houses on it, and make them cost 400 thousand dollars, LIKE DUDE, I DONT WANNA BUY A 5 bed and 3 BATH MCMANSION WANNA BE. I wanna live in a neighborhood, just not that ugly ass design!

Like it cpuld be fixed too, but no fuck everyone, make it so we spend 80k in building a house and BOOM 320k in profit. THE FUCK YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT PROFIT DUDE, LIKE JUST ADD VARIETY, not everyone wants or needs a big ass house.

It just pisses me off with the fact that their are variety neighborhoods, I think mixed styles wpuld benefit, that way people who want more land and smaller houses can lived with people whp want big ass houses and no land.

He talks about it all the time and thinks vegetables are bad for you and brings it up whenever we’re eating something that’s not meat. It’s been way worse since he started listening to quacks who think not eating carnivore is the reason ppl have cancer and Alzheimer’s and doctors have been lying to us about red meat to make more money off us bein sick . I wanna tell him to shut but it won’t do any good . Like bro just let me enjoy my vegetables and shut up !!!!

I won't list all the reasons only my personal favorite. We just turned the clocks back and now we have more daylight in the morning. Oh fantastic! Just what I wanted, brighter light to wake me up in the morning, more precious daylight used during breakfast and driving to work and working. That's useful.

Oh and now it's after work, time to spend time with the family or relax, maybe go for a walk. Don't forget your flashlight. F-U-C-K-I-N-G R-E-T-*-R-D-E-D.