I'm fairly new at my job and still figuring out who works in which department.

Last week I overheard my manager mention that Friday was a coworker's last day with us. I assumed she was quitting, so I suggested getting her a cake and a card. Two other newer employees chipped in and we organized a little surprise during lunch.

We even had the bakery write "Good luck at your new job" on the cake.

When we brought it out, she looked completely confused. Turns out she had only been temporarily covering our department for a month and was returning to her regular position in finance. Literally one floor below us.

I had already started giving a little speech about how much we'd miss her before she interrupted to explain.

She was nice about it and we all ate the cake, but my manager couldn't stop laughing.

This morning I ran into her in the elevator and she asked if I was planning another farewell party when she takes her vacation.

TL;DR: Misunderstood a coworker's temporary department transfer as her quitting, organized a goodbye party and gave her a cake wishing her luck at her new job. She still works in the same building.

I'll try to keep this short and simple. I spent years of my life brushing my teeth like this:

1. Apply toothpaste to toothbrush

2. Brush teeth

3. Spit toothpaste out

4. Rinse mouth with water

5. Rinse toothbrush with water

Pretty reasonable, right? Well, only recently did I realize you aren't supposed to do step #4 and just spit out the excess toothpaste. Same goes for mouthwash. When finished swishing for 60 seconds (instead of 30 like I had previously thought), just spit it out and don't rinse with water.

My teeth are fine, so it's nothing major. Still, I hope this gets out there and some of you reading this learn the same thing I did. Here comes a major habit change!

TL;DR: Don't rinse your mouth out with water after brushing your teeth (or using mouthwash).

I used to be afraid of dogs. I have been attacked multiple times as a child and young adult by loose dogs that I was trying my best to avoid. But, I thought I got over it. One of my roommates had a very sweet corgi, and we got along fine. One of my best friends has two big shaggy dogs and we get along fine. My parents have a big shepherd and we get along fine. I am still more of a cat person, but I am fine with dogs.

This morning, I was walking to a nearby food truck for some breakfast. I round a corner and there's a loose dog beside the sidewalk right in front of me, like 10 feet away. It's big, it has a collar, it's snuffling around in the grass facing away from me. Its owner is not immediately present.

I don't know if it was the surprise of seeing a dog when I wasn't expecting it or what, but I could feel my heart rate go up and I found myself crossing to the other side of the street without even making a conscious decision to do so.

Then this nice-looking older lady came jogging up, clearly bedraggled and out of breath. She had a leash looped around in her hands. For some reason, when she got close, the dog looked up at her, then at me, and just started sprinting towards me. I don't know why, but my blood just went cold and I started backing up against someone's fence. The owner yelled out to me, "Sir, can you grab him please?" The dog gets to me and starts snuffling at my feet. I have my back up against the fence and I'm on my tiptoes. She yells out that he's friendly and won't bite.

I'm standing there in front of this big friendly dog. He's clearly not going to bite me. He's just sniffing my shoes and wagging his tail. This old lady is clearly exhausted from chasing after this big dog that got away from her. I feel stupid. I can just reach out and grab this dog's collar and save her a lot of grief. But I also feel stupid for being a grown man backed up against a fence to get away from this big friendly guy. Somehow, I feel like I have to justify that cowardice with something substantial. I just blurt out, "I don't like dogs!" and stay frozen against the fence.

The dog loses interest and bounds off as the owner gets close. She apologizes to me as she keeps chasing him, which just makes me feel worse.

So now I'm going to spend the day wrestling with the fact that I just made some poor old lady's day worse, possibly make her think she terrified somebody with a phobia of dogs, and hope that she managed to catch the dog eventually without either of them getting hurt. All because I tried to justify my cowardice by pretending to have a phobia that I don't have.

Tl;dr: I realized I was being foolish by backing away from a nice old lady's loose dog and pretended to have a dog phobia instead of helping her.

TIFU by thinking a friend had died, sending her a memorial message, and only discovering months later that she was alive.

For context, I'll call my friends Morgan, Alex, Jamie, and Taylor. All five of us attended the same university, and I think Morgan, Jamie, and Taylor also went to high school together.

I was close to Morgan during college but only ever as friends, dating never became a consideration for either of us. She eventually met Alex in college and started dating him, and they were together for what may have been around 12 years.

After college, Morgan and Alex became involved in a LARP group. For anyone unfamiliar with LARP, it stands for live-action role-playing, where people physically act out characters in a fictional setting.

I followed the group's Facebook page and Discord because I was interested in joining, but I never quite worked up the courage to try it myself. This wasn't just a few people meeting in a park with foam swords, either. The group had elaborate costumes, a fleshed-out fantasy setting with its own official map, and a large player base. Some participants even operated as vendors.

It looked like a whole fantasy world that people had put a tremendous amount of work into building. I thought it was fascinating, but as someone who'd never participated in anything like it, the idea of walking into that established community and figuring out how everything worked was intimidating. So I followed along from a distance instead, thinking I might join once I understand it more.

Morgan and Alex lived in a fairly rural area, had farm animals, and Morgan owned a thoroughbred horse. I only visited them a couple of times because they lived pretty far away.

Neither of them was particularly active on social media. Morgan occasionally shared her art, but not much about her personal life, and Alex barely posted anything at all. At some point, Morgan decided to step away from social media. Her profiles remained online, but she stopped using them.

Then, in May 2025, Alex passed away. There was an obituary and a GoFundMe posted to Morgan's FB profile, so I know that part of the story wasn't something I imagined. By that point, he and Morgan were engaged.

Sometime around August 2025, I somehow became convinced that Morgan had died, too.

I thought Jamie had told me through a Facebook message about her passing, but I remembered the news being kept relatively private, without an obituary being posted to Morgan's Facebook page. In my recollection, the funeral had already happened by the time I learned about it.

There was just one problem: none of that had actually happened. Morgan hadn't actually passed away.

I still don't know exactly how I acquired this false memory but I have two theories. One is that I dreamed Morgan had died and the dream was so realistic that I later remembered it as an actual event. The other is that I mixed her up with a former high school classmate of mine who really did die by suicide about a month after her fiancé passed away. I can verify both of those deaths through their obituaries.

My best guess is that my brain took a real tragedy, combined it with a dream, and somehow manufactured a memory that Morgan had died as well.

And I believed it.

For months, I occasionally thought about Morgan and felt sad that she was gone. I had so many good memories of her that I wanted to send her a private message honoring her memory, even though I hadn't learned about her supposed death until sometime after the funeral.

On April 16, 2026, I finally sent that message. It was on what would have been Alex's next birthday. I wrote about how sad I was that Morgan had died, how much I regretted not finding out until after the funeral, and some of my favorite memories of her. She really was a remarkable person, and I wanted to say something meaningful about her even though I knew nobody would read it.

Except, of course, she was alive.

I didn't find that out until September 2026, when I decided to look up the obituaries for Alex and Morgan. I found Alex's, naturally, but nothing for Morgan. Nothing on her Facebook page or anywhere else suggested she had passed.

I messaged our mutual friend Jamie, who I thought had originally told me about Morgan's death. She had absolutely no recollection of that conversation and thought Morgan was probably still alive, although she hadn't heard from her in a long time. I couldn't find the conversation I thought we'd had, either.

Then I asked Taylor, another close friend of both Morgan and I, and he was equally confused. He hadnt heard from her in a while either but didn't know anything about her passing away.

Then Jamie mentioned that she'd spotted a Venmo payment from Morgan dated May 1, 2026. That was two weeks after I'd sent my memorial message. Unless somebody else had been using Morgan's account, she had apparently been alive and making payments after I'd supposedly learned she was dead. There hadnt been another public Venmo payment after that date.

At this point, I was seriously questioning my memory.

I'd sent a heartfelt memorial message to a living person. Worse, because it was a private message, I couldn't simply delete it and pretend the whole thing had never happened. If she ever got back on Facebook, she would see it and I would have to explain.

Mortified, I sent Morgan a few dollars through Venmo and an apology for getting things mixed up, with a note suggesting she buy herself a coffee on me. I didn't explain what I was apologizing for, because I was still trying to figure out what the hell had happened.

So Morgan had received a memorial message from someone who thought she was dead, followed months later by a small Venmo payment telling her to buy herself a coffee, with no explanation for either one. But I still felt like I needed more definitive proof.

Then I remembered another mutual friend, someone I'd met through Morgan but didn't know particularly well. Still, we were connected through Facebook and she was an active user so it was worth a shot. This friend hadn't spoken to Morgan recently, either, but knew that Morgan was still active on the LARP Discord.

THE LARP DISCORD.

The group I'd followed for years, then forgotten about completely.

I rejoined the server, and it was bustling with activity. I spotted someone whose comments sounded like Morgan, although she was using a different username from the one I remembered. Then I saw a photo she'd shared of herself the previous day.

It was her.

She was alive.

I finally had visual confirmation that my friend hadn't died, and that was enough for me. I didn't message her again or try to explain the bizarre situation out of nowhere.

TL;DR: I spent months believing a friend had died, mourned her privately, sent her a heartfelt memorial message, and then discovered that I'd somehow invented the entire event. I even sent her an unexplained apology payment before finding the Discord account that finally resolved the mystery.

I'm still embarrassed by the whole thing. I spent a year carrying around grief that, in this particular case, never needed to exist.

At least I eventually found out she was alive. Now I just have to live with the knowledge that in her inbox is a memorial message from a friend who accidentally convinced himself she'd died.

Edit: i just wanted to add that I will be messaging her, I just wanted a couple of days between joining the Discord and reaching out to her there.

Yes, I still consider us friends, she's just gone off the grid so the ways I used to communicate with her were no longer an option. People don't stop being friendly just because their lives haven't crossed in a while.

So I’m honestly not much of a baker. Recently I’ve been trying to get more into it. I started with some basic stuff, lemon blueberry bars (which were fantastic), pumpkin cheesecake cookies (let them sit in the fridge for a day and you will eat a whole dozen).

I wanted to try cheesecake next especially since I have the week off and can just chow on it thru the week. I LOVE cheesecake so much but store bought is kinda sad. My mom makes cheesecakes perfectly and when I asked for her recipe she told me to just google it and I did just that.

I got online and found a good recipe for a cinnamon roll cheesecake. I’ve been planning on this for a week, wrote the recipe out, translated all the measurements to grams, went to the store and bought a new pan. I think altogether I have spent nearly $50 on this cheesecake.

In my tiny kitchen I mixed and measured for nearly two whole hours, put it in the pan and popped it in the oven.

Right as I sit down, I realize I don’t even know what a water bath does. I start googling it and that leads me to a Reddit post where they talk about the water leaking and ruining the crust, making it soggy. I did not know the water isn’t supposed to actually touch the pan and I just kinda poured the water carelessly around the foil and whatnot. Honestly I thought the foil was just supposed to be there to help hold the heat.

My cheesecake is in the oven now as we speak and I think I’m in denial because I will probably be devastated when it is all said and done.

TLDR; I have probably ruined my first cheesecake because I didn’t understand the very last step.

I have always took pride in my kindness and today I fucked up.

I ordered food to my new apartment, it's two flights up and I really didn't wanna walk down and up them so I put in the instructions that I wanted them to come up

I was on the phone with my partner and I got a message from the Uber driver that he was outside, I thought he meant OUT SIDE of my apartment building so I started complaining to my partner about how they didn't follow the instructions and how I was frustrated about it.

I opened the door of my apartment and Boom, he was right there..

He looked so nice and I felt absolutely HORRIBLE that I was just openly talking shit about him, especially after he had just walked up the stairs and back down.

I wanted to send a message to apologize but I 1. Can't message after the order is complete 2. (Even if I could) Didn't want to say anything in case her DIDNT hear me.

I know this isn't the biggest fuck up but it definitely was for me and I needed to get it out there for my own sanity:(( I'm so sorry Uber driver guy

This will sit on my conscience for a minute...

TL;DR

I was mean to driver cause I misunderstood him

He was outside my door while I was talking shit and might've heard me

TIFU by locking my lock in my locker at work. Lets set the scene before I explain what happened.

I'm an activities aide in a nursing home

Boss out of town for the whole week

I was by myself with 70+ residents all week

Everything went perfectly perfectly all week till this. I was provided a lock and key from my boss for my work locker. Not a problem till today. On days I would forget my key I would just lay my lock on the locker and not actually close it and lock it. Well, today I accidentally locked it despite not having my key. I thought I forgot it in my purse which was in my locker, turns out it was at home, either way, I didn't have it. I then had to decide do I try to get help to open it, do I call my boss on vacation to tell her what happen and ask her where the spare key is, given that I knew there is one or call my dad who worked in the building next to mine that he will have to take me home since I couldn't drive. Well, fast forward, I spent the whole shift trying to open it. I did still do my job, I did accomplish what I wanted to accomplish today despite this problem so, thats good. I called a locksmith but they were trying to get me to pay $150 for them to come out there and cut it off and I didn't wanna destroy the lock either if I didn't have to especially since my boss paid for the lock not me, so, I turned their offer down. They then called back and offered $100 and I turned that down too. But, after many many failed attempts to call my boss, and unlock the lock myself I had to face the music, I most likely won't get this situation fixed until tomorrow when she got back from her vacation. So, I decided to make the call to my dad at 3:30 (I get out at 4:30) and tell my dad the situation and tell him I'll need to walk down to his office and go home with him since we weren't able to get the lock off. Luckily the front desk receptionist was able to get into the maintenance office and get bolt cutters and cut it off. I am forever grateful but, this situation was definitely stressful because while I was still able to semi do my job, it was just overly stressful given that I couldn't reach anyone on the outside for help and I was slowly but surely running out of time time figure this out. Definitely won't be using a lock and key as a lock ever again. TL;DR: today I fucked up by locking my lock in my locker and I eventually just cut it off and hoped my boss won't be mad for damaging her property.

This happened last night, and I’m still trying to figure out how to fix it without making things a thousand times worse.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. We’re both in our late twenties, and things are going really well. We live separately, but we’ve talked about moving in together sometime next year. Marriage has come up in conversation before, but we’ve never seriously discussed getting engaged anytime soon.

Here’s where I messed up.

A few weeks ago, I started looking at rings. Not because I was planning to propose right now, but because I was curious about prices and wanted to get an idea of what I’d eventually be looking at. I had absolutely no intention of buying anything yet.

I was browsing a jewelry website one evening when my girlfriend came over unexpectedly. I closed my laptop pretty quickly because I didn’t want her seeing the ring designs and getting the wrong idea.

Apparently, that was mistake number one.

She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was looking at something for work. Technically, I was sitting at my work desk, so my brain decided that counted as a reasonable answer.

She didn’t say anything, but I noticed she was smiling.

A couple of days later, she randomly asked me what I thought about emerald-cut diamonds. I didn’t think much of it and said they looked nice. She asked whether I’d prefer something classic or more unusual, and I joked that I barely knew the difference between diamond cuts.

She laughed and changed the subject.

Looking back, I probably should have realized what was happening.

Then yesterday, things got significantly worse.

We were having dinner at her place when she told me her sister had asked whether we were planning to get engaged soon. I laughed and said something like, “God, no, we’ve barely even figured out where we’re going to live.”

I meant that we weren’t planning to get engaged immediately. I wasn’t saying I didn’t want to marry her.

But she went quiet for a second and said, “Oh. Okay.”

I asked what was wrong, and she said nothing. I assumed she was tired, so we finished dinner, watched some TV, and everything seemed normal.

When I was about to leave, she walked me to the door and asked if I’d been looking at engagement rings recently.

My stomach dropped.

I asked her why she was asking, and she said she’d seen a jewelry website in my browser history when she’d borrowed my laptop a few days earlier. She’d recognized the website because her sister had used it when her fiancé proposed.

I panicked and said, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Which, in hindsight, is probably the worst possible response when your girlfriend thinks you might be planning to propose.

She just nodded and said she understood.

Then she added, “You don’t have to marry me if you’re not ready. I just wish you’d told me you weren’t thinking about that yet.”

And that’s when I realized she’d spent the last couple of weeks thinking a proposal might be coming, while I’d accidentally convinced her that the thought of marrying her was something I wanted to avoid.

I tried explaining that I hadn’t bought a ring and wasn’t planning anything right now. I also told her that I do want to marry her eventually, but I don’t feel ready to take that step yet.

She said she appreciated me being honest, but she was clearly hurt.

Now I’m sitting here wondering how I managed to turn browsing jewelry out of curiosity into what feels like a relationship crisis.

The frustrating part is that I genuinely can see myself marrying this woman. I just don’t want to rush into an engagement because we’ve been together for two years and everyone around us seems to be moving toward marriage.

But I also understand why she feels embarrassed. From her perspective, she thought something exciting might be happening, only to find out that she’d apparently been reading the situation completely wrong.

I haven’t spoken to her yet today, and I’m not sure whether I should give her some space or reach out and explain myself again.

TL;DR: I looked at engagement rings out of curiosity, accidentally gave my girlfriend reasons to believe a proposal was coming, then made a joke about how we weren’t getting engaged anytime soon. Now she thinks I’m avoiding marriage altogether, and I’m trying to figure out how to fix the mess I created.

​

Okay so this literally just happened and I don't even know what to think 💀

I was in the Horror Skunx Discord server and I mentioned that while I was in the psych ward I drew some pretty questionable comics involving Winston, Lovity, Verity and Lookout2DD.

I warned everyone that the drawings were NOT normal and that they contained characters making babies.

Some people got curious and asked me to send them the comics in DMs. They loved them and found them funny af.

One person specifically told me "you can send me, I'm mature" so I assumed they knew what I meant and were okay with seeing them.

So I sent them two comics.

One was about Lovity cheating on Obesity with Winston and getting pregnant and the other was about Verity and Lookout2dd making love in Minecraft

AND THEN THIS PERSON STARTED ACTING TRAUMATISED. 😭

APPARENTLY THEY WERE 13 AND THOUGHT THE BABIES WERE GONNA COME FROM A STORK.

A STORK.

BRO I LITERALLY SAID THEY WERE MAKING BABIES WHAT DID YOU EXPECT 😭😭

So apparently I accidentally gave a 13-year-old their first sex education lesson through HORROR SKUNX/VERITY PORN COMICS DRAWN WITH CRAYONS AND A STOLEN PEN FROM A NURSE.

I genuinely thought they understood what they were agreeing to see because they specifically said they were mature enough.

Now I feel kinda bad because this kid was apparently expecting some innocent stork delivery and instead got Lovity committing adultery and Verity getting freaky with Lookout2DD.

I wasn't trying to teach anyone about sex, I was literally just showing people my weird psych ward drawings.

Looking back I probably should've checked their age first instead of assuming they knew what I meant.

So did i F up for sending the comics when they told me they were mature enough to see them?

TL;DR: sent verity porn to a kid who asked to see the said verity porn and he assumed the babies will be brought by a stork and i accidentally taught him what sex is

Not really today but three days ago this happened. But im going to add the extra information that will probably make me sound a bit like an ass but its important.

Ill lay out some names youll see and who they are now. (All fake)
Ex bf- M Wayne straight 22. Best friend- F lesbian Ash 19. Me- F me bi 20. Best friends ex/situation- F Ohio bi 22?23?? (Im unsure tbh)

About a month ago i broke up with my boyfriend Wayne of a year due to his ignorance and weaponised incompetence. It was a long distance relationship i met the guy gaming. He lived a state away. Me and him met up twice once me to his and once his to me. The relationship itself was okay. It was a nice first relationship but Wayne had his problems and i had mine. Mine was that i didnt know how to be an individual while with him and i had a bit of a sore loser bone, and his was that he had a porn and sex problem, ignoring me for games and just being very stupid (which i liked i found it funny.. to a point.) and waistful.(he once threw out two EXPENSIVE ASS STEAKS because he couldnt get them to be cooked enough… STEAK…) and just no ambition at all. I saw him try and actually get one job the entire time i dated him. I had tried to break up the relationship in August and he kinda refused to let us break up. It then ended in September

Before i had broken up with him i had recently started hanging out with Ash again. It had been a while since we had properly hung out due to my boyfriend being aware of her and mine having previously had feeling for each other but nothing come of it because we were in high school.

Me and Her started to hang out and i realised how i was feeling about my romance situation because i had been kinda locked away in phone calls with Wayne for almost a year every day, i could tell how uncomfortable i became in social interactions. And that wasn’t me at all.

I ended up having a few different conversations with Ash about how i was feeling in my relationship and how i was basically being ignored even when trying to get out of the relationship a month prior. She helped me realise that what Wayne was doing wasn’t okay and he cant just force me to stay with him.

So thing ended and my days continued i decided i was bored and I’ve been sat in a discord server call for 457 hours as of writing this. Ash has been helping me keep it open. Idk why I’m doing that but it’s important. Since the break up me and Ash have hung out more and more in person. They were in a situationsip with an ex and she did not like me, Ash would come over or id go to hers and we would hang for me to find out that Ohio didn’t even know i was there. (I wont lie and say that it doesn’t kinda flatter me that someone finds me worth being jealous about and it eats at me slightly)

Ash started to get more… sweet. A bit more gentle with me. Staring for longer than she needed. And her eyes.. lets just say she doesn’t keep them to herself often (hehehe I’ve caught her way to many times then i can count) anyways but she was getting sus.. and i took note but i didnt want to point it out. So Ash did. By just blatantly telling me “you know i have a crush on you right? Just i know how you are and i want to be direct and make that clear.” I was caught of guard but was kinda aware. I mean if her telling me she had a sex dream for the first time in a really long time and it was about me and not the ex she was “in love” with.

This is where i think the fuck upery starts… she goes to a party and i start to be a bit of a brat to her over text. Responding with the classic “make me” and thats where things really changed. The flirting on the call became a bit more intense and real. We hung out about two or three times after her party with nothing happening. Just my mind filled with all the things that could happen in the silence between me and her.

I get a message while im alone in the call. “Talking to her about being just friends” and i mean come on ominous as fuck but i didnt need anymore clarification i knew what it meant. She was doing what i had been telling her she needed to do the moment i heard about how Ohio treats her. (Like a sex object and like shes only there when she wants attention and when she had her full you can find your own way) that was last Tuesday.

Last Friday the new Ali G movie come out and we planned to hang out and then go see the movie coming back to mine to hang out and have a sleep over. Ash was getting paid the same day and didnt get paid til late in the night. So we had the sleep over and pushed the movie to the next day.

Everything changed that night. (Im gonna set the scene up for you)

I sit on my bed and across from it i have a chair. Ash usually sits in the chair and i sit on my bed. I could tell that she was a bit uncomfortable so i said we can swap. She sits on my bed i sit in the chair. We watch some Ted and smoke some weed, drink a bit of alcohol and relax.

Im making fun of her for laying down and continuing to say shes not going to fall asleep on my bed. Which she does. I end up watching a movie with my uncle out in my lounge room while Ash sleeps. I head back into my room once the movie and the episode of tv we watched were done, making a bed on the floor out of couch back cushions some pillows and a blanket (it looked as pathetic as your imagining) shes now awake.

We sit there talking and eventually just kinda both laying our heads on the edge of my bed looking at each other. It was the first time in a while i haven’t been instantly self conscious when someone looked at me. We do that maybe twice before we start playfully fighting a flip off war i eventually jokingly go to bite or lick i cant even remember what i was doing all i remember was her hand almost grabbing my neck… (ahhhhhh im still getting flushed) i paused she paused. We both just kinda stopped before i almost die of redness and hide my face as i try and compose myself and she asks if im okay and making sure she didnt upset or make me uncomfortable.

I get control of myself and we go back to talking before finally laying out heads down looking at eachother once again. This time i close my eyes. And i feel the air slow. It felt like time did too to be honest. But what i did feel was the matress move under my head as i feel her hand on my face as she kissed me. LET ME TELL YOU as a 20 year old bi women ive only had HORRIBLE kisses even my ex was bad. All just tongue and teeth. But this kiss. This kiss was gooooooooood. So good we end up in the bed together kissing for a few minutes before i start to spiral mentally. We stop as she could clearly tell im guessing. It went like
Are you okay? (Ash)
Umm, i don’t know (Me)
We should stop then if you don’t know
We sit up
I start to cry for some reason
Are you okay?
Yeah i don’t know why I’m crying I’m sorry
Don’t apologise, its okay (rubbing my back)
Im sorry i don’t know why I’ve started to cry
Stop apologising you have nothing to apologise about
I just got out of the relationship with Wayne, and you’ve ended stuff with Ohio and i dont want you to think or feel like a rebound or only like me because i treat you better then Ohio.
I dont just like you because your nice to me. Youre the person ive liked the longest so i know i like you for more then just being nice to me.
I just need time to think about what happened and what i want.

We then just lay around in my tiny king single bed. She gives me these amazing back rubs she gave me when i was sick after my birthday last year. (Ive been thinking about them since tbh)((does that make me bad)) that was around 7am. We sleep cuddled up all night pretty much, which is very rare for me to be able to do for so long especially with some of the stuff I’ve gone through personally. I wake up a few times throughout the night obviously waking Ash too because she wouldnt say anything just go back to rubbing my back for me to go back to bed. Her hands were so warm i cant stop thinking about it.

We wake up at 4pm the next day. We stay cuddled up a bit before she goes to take care of some stuff she had to and coming back. I showered and get ready for the movies while shes gone and she showers when she gets back and my mother drives us to the movies. We watch the movie. Eventually holding hands and just kinda cuddling together throughout it. I didn’t pay for a thing not the food or tickets for the movie or the food after. She just took care of me. We went to KFC after to get something small and quick before she Ubers home and i got picked up. I said i wanted a go bucket and a drink and Ash got me that and an extra little mayo slider for me because she knew i would be hungry once i was home. (My foodie little heart skips a beat)

We hang around talking and kinda flirting while i waited for my mum. I wanted to kiss her goodbye but i was a pussy and my mother arrived sooner than i thought. (I don’t want her to think something is definitely happening until it definitely is) she walks me to the car and heads back to the KFC and waits as we text
I had a lot of fun today and yesterday
Hehehe me tooo I appreciate everything you did for me and I kinda miss you already hehe
Cutie, i miss you too
Thanks for all the back scratches
It's okeee and hehe goods also you really are so beautiful, all the time it actually takes my breath away.
Hehehe thank youuuuu

Its been two days since and were continuing to flirt and stuff except theres the weight of what happened. I dont know how to end this but yeah.

TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend of a year about a month ago after a relationship full of problems, and reconnecting with my best friend Ash helped me realise how unhappy and isolated I’d become. Ash and I have history from high school, and after she admitted she’d had a crush on me for a long time, things started getting increasingly flirty. She recently ended things with her situationship, Ohio, and during a sleepover at my place, we ended up kissing. It was genuinely the best kiss I’ve ever had, but I got overwhelmed and started crying because we’d both just come out of complicated situations, and I didn’t want either of us to feel like a rebound. Ash reassured me that her feelings were genuine and that she’s liked me for longer than just recently. We ended up cuddling and sleeping together (just sleeping), then spent the next day holding hands, cuddling at the movies, and flirting. Now we’re still being sweet and flirty with each other, but I’m trying to figure out what I want, what this means for us, and how to navigate everything without rushing into something neither of us is ready for.

The jizz socks are pretty self-explanatory, I jizzed in them, and hid them beneath my bed after I was done, my parents were always confused why my socks would vanish so quickly and they constantly bought new ones.

The jizz socks were a secret I didn't think much of, my parents didn't meddle in my room and I continued my routine, until one day, they got fed up with me not cleaning my room and they began cleaning it themselves, in particular, my mom did. I forgot about the jizz socks until it was too late and she saw a pile of moldly socks full of jizz now, the sock mystery solved.

She asked me what all my socks were doing there and what the substance in them was. I lied, told her I did science experiments in them with soap, and stuff in the past, but she sniffed It and didn't believe me.

She went to the bathroom to grab cleaning supplies, and my dad also came in and saw it, and he knew. I tried to spin the same lie, that it was a science experiment but he just looked dissappointed and didn't speak a word to me.

I haven't spoken to them about it, I'm so guilty.

TL:DR: Jizzed in multiple socks and piled them under the bed where my mom one day found them while cleaning my room.

Starting a year or two ago i had an urge to dress like someones papaw from Appalachia, what i quickly found out was that getting ahold of actual american overalls in my country is next to impossible, high street shops don't sell them unless it's childrens clothing and while you can buy on the internet, you have to go through importers and pay fees, and while a few brands ship internationally the international stock is always limited and often not in my size.

I turned to second hand sites and quickly found a great deal for a grail pair, already in my country, these were the carhartt R02 BLK's i'd always wanted, for those who don't know, these are packed full of insulation for the winter, basically a coat for your legs, and they look great.

They looked basically new, were far cheaper then buying new, and in my size, i had the choice between the carhartt pair and a dickies denim pair that was actually bigger then me, so because of my lust for the carhartts and because they were smaller i bought the carhartts.

In hindsight i sometimes wish i'd bought the dickies instead.

When they came i washed them, tried them on, found i loved them and hung them up.

That back in the summer, the only problem is that i just don't know if i'll get to wear them this year, it's only just got cold enough to wear a jacket, about 10-16c during the day, i also don't spend that much time outdoors in general.

Everytime i've asked family and friends about finally getting my carhartt overalls out they always tell me it's too warm, what i bought was made for harsh Michigan and Canadian winters, i think the only chance i'd get to wear these is if it snows but we rarely get that.

I'm torn between ignoring people and wearing them anyway, ripping the insulation out or putting them away.

Needless to say i want my denim pair next.

TL;DR: I finally got a great deal on a piece of clothing i always wanted but i feel like my country doesn't get cold enough to justify wearing it even in the winter

I totally feel like I got played by this cop and I still feel stupid thinking about how the whole thing happened.

I got pulled over by this senior overweight cop for going over slightly over speed. The cop was talking to me in a friendly way. He was not being aggressive or anything of that sort and I started feeling like okay, this is probably not going to be a big deal and I should be on my way soon.

I did have 2 beers earlier, but I believed I was well within the legal limit. I was not expecting this to turn into a whole DUI situation. But the cop had asked me if I had anything to drink and I answered honestly to it. After talking a bit more, he started asking me more questions and eventually wanted me to do some sobriety tests. I agreed and got out of my car and tried to follow all his instructions properly. There was several tests and I was trying my best to do everything correctly.

The strange part was he kept that same friendly attitude with me...and I would say I started getting too comfortable? I thought if I just cooperate and do what he says, everything will be fine as I was sure my limit was okay. But the tests kept going on and on and they were becoming a lot more tedious..he also for odd reason started talking really fast while providing me with the test instructions which got me a bit more worked up..

He even complimented me saying I have been very obedient and a good boy. He really appreciated me being so cooperative and told me there is one final test I need to do which is the superman pose. He wanted me to close my eyes, keep my feet together, bend my knees, lean forward with my chin up and keep my arms pointing straight towards my back, kind of like a skiing pose. He asked me to be in that position nice and tight and wiggle my thumbs while counting backwards from 30 to 0. and that was probably one of the weirdest tests I have done in a DUI ever, probably just to check my balance? still not quite sure..

I was standing there trying to do what he asked, not really thinking much about what was coming next just fully focussed..and then suddenly I felt the handcuffs latched onto my wrists just like that.

To be very clear, I know drinking and driving is serious, and I'm not saying I should get a free pass if I was actually impaired. But the way I was made to think everything was fine and then getting handcuffed like that really annoyed me. And now I'm sitting here thinking about how different things might have gone if I hadn't volunteered that I had 2 beers.

TL;DR: Got pulled over, got too comfortable with a friendly cop, told him I had 2 beers, ended up doing a bunch of sobriety tests and got handcuffed at the end anyway. Now I'm wondering if I would've been better off keeping the conversation short instead of trying to be overly friendly with the guy.

I have a personal project I've been working on for several months that is kind of arts & crafts adjacent. Not a major project, just something I think is worth sharing. I am not an artist.

One of the final things I needed to complete it is the photography credits for the instructional booklet.

Turns out, the main image I've been using for the last couple of months to mock things up, take pictures of, and do a couple instructional videos with, is not the similar image I licensed at the same time. It's a free resource that is "Personal Use Only", uploaded by someone who uploaded all of thirty photos nearly twenty years ago and disappeared. It doesn't exist on any stock photo site with a commercial license.

TL;DR: I did a bunch of work with an unlicensed image that I'll be redoing now because it only exists as a "non-commercial" download.

Let me start by saying I was born and brought up in a vegan household. I know nothing about cooking eggs or the animals they come from.

At the advice of a doctor, I started including eggs in my diet(It was for medical reasons). That means cooking eggs.

Making omelette was comparatively easy. You need to learn how to crack an egg(it took a few broken eggs for me to get there), whisk it and throw it in a pan. Easy enough.

I thought why not go towards a healthier alternative, hard boiled eggs. Keep them in the fridge for mext 2-3 days for breakfast. How hard can boiling an egg be!?

I saw few tutorials, saw people getting out timers and ice baths and all that... And thought, it is just boiling, that is too much effort. Easier to boil eggs and leave it in the water for a bit.

Also, it is 3am and my brain is making windows shut down noises.

I started with 7 eggs.

Trial 1: Difficult to peel an egg. After cutting it, the middle white and yolk melted out. Threw it out.

Trial 2: An egg was oozing white ribbons in the water. Took it out, peeled it and cut it. Middle was a sad watery oozy mess. Tried another egg, middle white was still oozy.

Trial 3: Too tired to stand now. Put the eggs in a microwave safe bowl, covered it and nuked it for 2 minutes.

Microwave looks like a biohazard. I had no idea eggs go off like a bomb. 2 eggs have RIPed. Their sacrifice will not go to waste (I am going to feed all failed attempts to birds).

I am now afraid to even touch the last 2 intact eggs(by now they are not hard boiled eggs, but eggs which have seen too many hardships in their life).

I am never going to boil eggs again!!

TL; DR: Grew up without knowing how to cook eggs. Tried to boil them and now I am cooked.

Edit: I cut the last two eggs. Their inside was brown!? Did I discover a new state of egg?

Also, thank you everyone for giving me advice on how to boil eggs next time. Thanks to you guys, there can be a next time.

Edit 2: The birds ate my experiments, even egg #4 and #5 which were detonated by my brilliant idea of microwaving them!

Went to Vegas for a quick weekend trip and decided I was going to be responsible and set myself a $500 gambling budget. Figured that was a reasonable amount to have some fun, and once it was gone, that was it.

Long story short, I sat down at a slot machine and didn't realize what denomination/line bet combination I was playing on. I thought I was betting $5 a spin, which seemed fine. Turns out I was very, very wrong. I made the mistake once, lost a chunk of money, and somehow managed to do the exact same thing again on the same machine before realizing what was happening. Between the two mistakes, there went my entire $500 budget.

Five minutes into a weekend in Vegas and I'd already blown all the money I'd set aside for gambling. I didn't even get a chance to settle in, grab a drink, or pretend I knew what I was doing. The best part is that I wasn't even gambling recklessly. I'd actually set a budget and was trying to stick to it. I just apparently needed a $500 lesson in how slot machines work.

At least I was responsible enough to set a limit. Unfortunately, I was also stupid enough to lose it twice in a row on the same machine.

TL;DR: Went to Vegas with a $500 gambling budget, thought I was betting $5 a spin on a slot machine, turned into a complete moron, misunderstood the denomination, and made the same mistake twice on the same machine. Budget gone in five minutes. Vegas wins.

"What do you mean, 'for what'? Oh like I havent proven myself to you yet or something?? Damn"

In my defense, I'm accustomed to people asking "are you proud of me" in reference to mundane things. Like "Are you proud of me? I didn't laugh once while your brother was introducing his girlfriend." Or "Are you proud of me? I made it through the whole 3 hour movie without getting up to piss."

I did not realize the individual was asking for the entire gestalt of the general pride I have for them. Now the person is upset and I am having a pretty difficult time convincing them of my interpretation. Like I am definitely proud of them on many levels but they seem to think my reflexive response of "for what" represents my total lack of pride.

So yeah, I done fucked up.

TLDR: the person was asking if I was proud in general an I thought they were going to give me a silly reason

Okay so I pull-up to my 7-11, I’m looking at the drinks, and I see a new flavour of monster, this is huge news for a chud like me, as I’m on a mission to try each flavour and have currently succeeded. Then I noticed it wasn’t a new flavour, it was papillon (a newer release, but an all time fav), but its colour was about half as lighter as the rest of the cans, and the Monster logo was in a different shade of yellow. In hindsight, it was clearly just a super old can that had been left out for ages, but my dumbass decided oh shit bro the golden one bro I could win like a million bucks, it’s like the golden ticket type thing, half an hour later I’ve shat my guts out 3 times, am currently sitting on the toilet about to shit out a 4th, and my stomach is speaking to Morse code and dolphin sounds. I’m sweating and everything hurts. Genuinely might die writing this so I better wrap it up and get back to shitting, wish me luck gang. Idk how I haven’t learned my lesson yet, but moral of the story is: Don’t drink anything just because it looks cool.

TLDR: drank an odd looking monster energy drink and am now having diarrhoea.

This happened a week ago, but it was still a huge FU. I don't like my job at all. A coworker got another job and told me that I should join him, so I applied for a position that was a perfect fit for me. The posted salary range was much lower than what I am currently making, but I thought what the heck. Might as well give it a try. I spent a lot of time updating my resume because it was way out of date and needed a lot of work. I asked him for his input, and we went back and forth a few times until we both thought it looked good. He's the hiring manager, btw, but I would still need to make it through the initial interview with the search committee. I went online and officially applied for the job which also required me to write a cover letter and fill out some other information that I didn't include on my resume. I pressed the submit button and all was good.

I learned that there were a lot of people who applied for this job, so I thought it was a long shot, but I actually ended up being contacted to setup an interview. The interview went well, and I was invited to a second round of interviews, first with the search committee again, and then with him and another director. I accepted the invitation.

My friend told me he was now free to talk about the job. Anything I wanted to know. He'd already shared a little with me about their environment, so I figured I knew everything I needed to know. I had the job description, knew what the environment was like, and knew the salary range. I didn't take him up on his offer, and this is where I really fucked up.

The more I thought about the job, the more I realized that even if the job was a good fit, I just couldn't take such a big salary cut. I thought why waste everyone's time when I wasn't going to take the job even if I was offered the maximum in the range. I decided to sleep on the decision of withdrawing, and the next morning I sent an email withdrawing myself. Later that day I learned that the posted salary was nothing like the actual salary range, but once you withdraw you can't be added back. So here I am still at a job I don't like, and I could have easily been starting a whole new job perhaps making even more money than I do now.

I could have ridden out the rest of my career at this job. It was a government job so there would have been good benefits, a retirement plan, half off my daughter's tuition, and probably health insurance benefits after retirement. But it's too late now, and it really hurts.

TL;DR I withdrew from a great job opportunity that would have been a great way to close out my career into retirement because I assume the posted salary range was the actual salary range.

just wanted to tell y'all about my god-awful fuck up yesterday. that was the most uncomfortable i've been in a *long* time, and i was in the hospital almost dead for 2 months earlier this year. for context, i had severely progressed endocarditis(infection in the heart) and sepsis that absolutely ruined my body. i got an artificial heart valve and a pacemaker put in as well as amputated toes and destroyed leg muscles from how bad the infection was.

there's very little to eat or drink in this house right now. one of the only things we had left (what i thought, anyway) were these blue raspberry water flavor electrolyte packets. i didn't see the *tiny* text on the package that said it was "pre-workout with creatine". truly, that's on me for not noticing. i have very poor vision without my glasses and i should have been wearing them.

i had seen my roommates drink them with no problem, so i went ahead and had one. i noticed what the box said after i already drank it. i felt a little weird, but i thought that it was fine. ive tried pre workout before in the past, back before i had cardiac issues... IDK much about it. i thought that it just had some supplements to help your muscles repair or something. it never felt like anything to me.

yeah... wrong.

i spent the entirety of the next 12 hours vomiting repeatedly, just over and over. i genuinely been crying and begging for the mercy of the universe to end my suffering. it wasn't the kind of throwing up with nausea, it's really, REALLY fucking hurting. i felt like my insides were being clamped, twisted and ripped out of my chest all day long. my leg muscles have been burning so bad since then that i could hardly sleep last night, and i still cannot eat or drink water without throwing it up. luckily i was able to keep my medicine down this morning. i can barely walk at all my legs are burning so bad. this has been (and continues to be!) such an intensely horrible experience. i passed out two separate times already. my pacemaker has been putting in some WORK today.

i think i might going to end up going to the doctor or something if this doesn't stop. good lord, why do people drink this? y'all are monsters (i'm kidding i know my body just weak)

i'm a fucking IDIOT.

TL;DR: accidentally drank a pre workout water packet yesterday and made myself severely fucking ill. been vomiting and unable to eat/drink for 12+ hours, legs/chest burning

EDIT: im pretty sure it was caffeine in the mixture that caused this. i found the box in the trash and it is a super high dose of caffeine, as well as several serving sizes. i only saw the packet so i never saw the ingredients list.. oof.

EDIT 2: i went and got some help 👍🏽 i definitely needed to. thanks for caring guys :)

I was so excited that I had actually won, even messaging my friend about winning. I made a point of saying how easily I could’ve thrown this out. Of course, instead of taking a picture of the code or writing it down somewhere, I simply drew a character from Your Turn to Die if he lost the code. Little did I know, I would end up the same way.
Today the Monster Energy in my backpack exploded all over my bedsheets and electronics. In a hurry to dry everything off, I didn’t bother checking all the pockets in my bag. I just remembered and yep, it’s just a mush of completely blank paper. The washing machine literally erased all the ink. I guess I should’ve been more careful but this is a brand new bag so I’m not used to having so many different pockets.

TL;DR: I didn’t check all the pockets before washing my bag and I am an idiot.

Good Lord, I am so embarrassed 😭 While I was on call with my bf, I was changing to get ready for work (I work in retail.) When I put my shirt on I was immediately in shock- not the good kind. For reference, I'm a petite woman, in height and size, but I have a large chest which I've been insecure about most my life. At some point I even tried to get a breast reduction but was ultimately advised not to by the surgeon. Since getting with my bf my body confidence has certainly improved, but I still struggle with my self image every now and again. Today was one of those days I guess.

After putting on my shirt, I realized just how big it made my chest look. I felt really off, like the letter P from the side. I distraughtly mentioned it on call with my bf and he said to send him a photo. I figured "why not?" At worst, I would get validation that my chest did in fact look too big and at best, he'd make me feel better about it- he's a boob guy after all. I felt ugly in the photo so I also doodled a frowny face over mine and sent it. Except I didn't send it to him.

I was wondering why he hadn't reacted to it after 15 mins so I went to check if it sent. And when I opened the text, I realized I had sent it to the last chat I had opened and not to my bf. I had accidentally sent the photo to my store's assistant manager. The image itself is honestly not inappropriate in a general sense. I am fully clothed, not in any suggestive posing, wearing a form fitting, short sleeve tshirt and high waisted jeans. But the context of sending it to a higher up DOES make it inappropriate, and ofc, having a conventionally appealing body makes any outfit look sexual 😔

I immediately went to delete it because she hadn't seen it yet, but the moment I held it down to delete, it was too late. "Girl what is this? 😭" I was mortified. I quickly replied with "sorry! That was meant for my sister. I didn't like how my shirt was fitting." So a partial lie 🥴 Except she took what felt like forever to open the message and then when she did....! She left it on read. I'm the type of person who needs to know if I've been forgiven, otherwise I'll sit on it forever, wondering how I can fix it. I'm heading into work as I text. I don't think I'll get in trouble, but I am so embarrassed.. I changed beforehand. I can't ever wear that shirt to work again after this 😮‍💨

TL;DR: I sent a personal photo meant for my bf to my assistant manager and now I'm self cautious and embarrassed

I am going to start this off by saying that this entire experience has felt straight out of a campy, low-budget romance novel, and honestly I am still wrestling with the fact that this is my actual life right now. Also, for context, I am 28F.

So this all started about 3 months ago when I got a text message from an unknown number. It literally just said:
“Check his phone: [My now Ex’s phone password].”
I originally thought it was just some random asshole playing a cruel prank on me. But the longer I sat with it, the more the pieces started fitting together. At the time, my Ex (27M) was coming home way later than usual a couple of times a week. Like, coming back at 1:00 AM--mind you, he gets off work at 10:00 PM. He kept telling me his boss was taking the team out for dinners and bar hopping.
Then I remembered finding a random hair tie in the passenger seat of his car a week prior. I buy very specific heavy-duty hair ties because I have thicker hair, and regular Goody ones don't work for me. When I saw it, I was in total denial and just assumed I’d borrowed it from a friend. Hindsight bias is real, guys. I was profoundly ignorant.

Also, how the hell would an unknown number know his exact passcode if they weren't close to him? I didn't even know his passcode and we had been together for three years. So, I waited until he got into the shower and tried the code. It worked--which I was desperately hoping it wouldn't. I found ample evidence: text messages, DMs, and photos proving he’d been cheating on me on and off for a year with multiple women. I screenshotted everything, texted it to myself, deleted the proof from his phone, and cleared my text history. I couldn't bear to sleep next to him (we’d been living together for 2 years), so I packed a bag. When he got out of the shower, I told him my friend Ashley had an emergency, gave him a kiss goodbye, and left. I drove around the block, parked, and sobbed for 30 minutes before calling Ashley and crashing on her couch. The next day, I confronted him. Long story short: I did end up punching him in the jaw. I wish I could say I regret it, but it was cathartic as hell (10/10, if you see him in the wild, highly recommend). All jokes aside, I was crushed. He begged me to stay, but I packed my entire life into a storage unit and started couch-surfing.

Here is where I'm a little lost and have gone a little crazy

I work for his dad. That’s actually how my Ex and I met in the first place--he used to come visit his dad at work during lunch. Some quick backstory: His dad, let’s call him "John" (44M), had my ex when he was very young. The baby mama left when my ex was 3, and John raised him while running his own local mechanic shop. Four years ago, John hired me as his receptionist. John has always been an absolute sweetheart. During my first week, I offhandedly mentioned how I like my coffee, and every single morning since, a fresh cup has been sitting on my desk. My delusional ass genuinely thought my ex was waking up early to bring me coffee until I came in early to work one day and caught John in the act. My Ex probably doesn't even know my coffee order.

John was devastated and furious with his son when everything blew up. They got into a massive, screaming fight over what my ex did to me, which made me feel guilty--I hate being the cause of family drama, even if my ex is a douche canoe. My ex hasn't stepped foot near the shop since.
Naturally, working for my ex’s dad felt insanely uncomfortable. Two weeks after the breakup, I texted John my resignation: "I'm so sorry, blah blah, putting in my two weeks, blah blah, things are too awkward, etc."
John legit just texted back: "No."
Which... fair, I’m the only receptionist and he only has two other mechanics. But then he called me and said he refused to let me quit unless I had another job lined up, because he knew I didn't have a stable place to stay and needed income. So, I stayed.

A week later, John overheard me telling one of the mechanics that I was running out of friends' couches and was genuinely considering sleeping in my car. John immediately offered me the guest bedroom in his apartment. I initially refused because it felt wildly inappropriate, but eventually, desperation won out. His apartment is amazing. I have my own bedroom, private bathroom, and a walk-in closet. But John’s behavior hasn't changed--if anything, he’s somehow even sweeter. He leaves a mug of coffee and toast on a small side table outside my bedroom door every morning before he leaves for the shop. Last weekend, when I went out drinking with my girls, he literally drove out at 3:00 AM to pick us up so we wouldn't have to take an Uber. When I woke up horribly hungover, there was Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and a giant glass of water on my nightstand, and he was in the kitchen making me a full omelet.

So yeah. The original title of this post was supposed to be "TIFU by having a massive crush on my cheating ex-boyfriend’s 44-year-old dad." I am sitting in his guest room right now typing this while he is down the hall, and I am losing my mind. The job market for finance in my area is completely dead right now, I can't afford my own place yet, and I am living under the same roof as a gorgeous, ridiculously attentive DILF who treats me better than his son ever did.
Reddit, what the actual fuck do I do?

TL;DR: Found out my ex of 3 years was cheating on me via a mysterious text, punched him, moved out, and tried to quit my job at his dad's mechanic shop. His dad refused to let me quit, found out I was almost homeless, and let me move into his guest house. Now he brings me coffee/breakfast every morning and I am falling aggressively in love with my ex's 44yo father.

Obligatory not today, but I still cringe when I think about it.

So I went to Florida with my then boyfriend to visit his dad. His dad bought us one of those tiny mayo squeeze bottles Hellmann’s sells because he knew we like mayo. (He never eats it so he didn’t want any left over.)

We had a little left by the end of our trip and decided to bring it with us on the plane to put on our Cuban sandwiches we got to-go right before the flight.

Well, the second I open the mayo bottle, the change in pressure forces the mayo all over the guy next to me and even on the people across the aisle. Like a full, clean stream of straight mayo. (I mean duh, I know about the pressure change, but it just never crossed my mind.)

I was MORTIFIED to the point of having to swallow my tears (tbh ended up crying after due to the overwhelming embarrassment.)

Believe me when I say I have never wanted to disappear more than right then and there. I offered the guy all the cash in my wallet (like $60) to pay for dry cleaning since he was wearing a nicer button-down.

I actually couldn’t have been more grateful though because he told me a baby has barfed on him on a flight before and this isn’t worse than that.

But the next 2 hours were the most painful to sit through knowing what I just did.

Anyways, if you guys think you’ve done something idiotic on a plane, I hope this makes you feel less of an idiot.

TL;DR: Brought a small squeeze bottle of mayo on a plane. Due to cabin pressure, it forcefully sprayed on the guy next to me and across the aisle.