Hi, I previously posted here about a sense of hopelessness in my late 20s, but I think it's getting stronger and I need some advice.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIreland/comments/1ufecij/anybody_have_any_tips_for_struggling_with/
In my previous post, a lot of people suggested exercise and perhaps joining a community. For the last 1.5 to 2 years, I've been going to the gym doing strength training three times a week alongside two or three cardio sessions. I also really enjoy running. Unfortunately, I think this strict routine is actually making things worse. While I'm very happy with my physical shape and how far I've come, I'm going home next week and won't have gym access. Although I have adjustable weights there, it’s not the same as being able to pop into the gym. I’ve developed an almost compulsive need around going to the gym 3–4 times a week and hitting a specific number of cardio sessions. This past week was a prime example: I was meant to meet some friends after work—something we only do every six weeks or so. I couldn't get to the gym that morning because of the weather, so I planned to log off work early, rush to the gym, and finish the workout before meeting them. That was the only way I felt I could comfortably complete my final strength session of the week and still leave time for cardio. I was looking into joining an athletics club, but the nearest one meets on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, whereas I prefer going to the gym in the morning when it's quieter. It probably sounds to most people like I'm just putting up barriers and need to learn to let go, but that is far easier said than done when you feel so locked into a rigid weekly routine. Even trying a classic like Hyrox or Crossfit I don't think would suit me because in my routine I can progressive overload.
With a milestone birthday coming up, I’ve been hit hard by a sense of how empty my life feels right now. I haven't had the time to plan anything proper, or people simply aren't around. If I had a partner, we could have planned a trip to somewhere I genuinely wanted to go. Instead, I’m taking the week off largely to accommodate other people so they can feel like they did something for my birthday. That means booking a hotel in a location we always visit as a family. It’s convenient for home, but I honestly just want to go somewhere I actually enjoy, rather than what is most convenient. On paper, things look fine: I have good savings, my physical health is the best it’s ever been, and I have a roof over my head. Yet my social life falls short and fails to give me the genuine connection or energy I need. I’m completely past the stage of looking forward to casual pints with mates—I want something deeper. The entire weekend I’ve been feeling deeply lonely. While I have friends in Dublin, they’re either away or have other priorities.
A solo trip is okay but honestly anywhere in Ireland is so expensive. I don't mind spending the money as much if I at least get to share the experience with someone else. I've already done a solo trip by myself and do enough things by myself I really crave genuine long lasting connection.
There are nights I wake up feeling totally trapped, in the same apartment for nearly 6 years, realizing I have nobody to build plans with, travel with, or tick off major bucket-list items alongside. Being on my own so much leaves too much space for my mind to spiral into negative thinking and isolation. I’ve thought about buying my own place here—I love Dublin so much for its running routes, parks, mountains, proximity to the sea, and public transport, none of which my hometown offers. Going back home feels calmer, but I know I’d still be isolated, even if I were less homesick, because it lacks those basic amenities like walkable footpaths, local gyms, or nearby cafes.
Having a new flatmate has highlighted this further. Even though this person is far cleaner and much more grounded than past ones, I’ve realized I just can't stand shared living any longer. I’m sick of coming home after a morning workout to someone playing music out loud. I urgently need my own dedicated space so I can live on my own terms. That might sound selfish, but experience has shown me just how vital having that personal sanctuary is for my mental well-being.
I’ve looked into professional support, but every psychotherapist with availability—including options through my employer’s EAP—only offers online sessions. That would be fine if privacy were guaranteed, but with a flatmate who works from home on certain days, I don't feel I have that confidential environment. When I spoke to my GP months ago, she suggested starting a low 50mg dose of Sertraline, but having been on that previously, it caused weight gain that I’m not willing to repeat. I’m putting this out here in the hope that someone might have practical advice, a fresh perspective, or just a bit of hope to share.
