Edit: to clarify. Im looking for both men and women.
My first photo on bumble is the mirror selfie, i just accidentally uploaded the pics in the wrong order

I started using dating apps about 5-6 years ago, when I was 27-28, and I remember getting dates was much easier. I had to grind but eventually there was a match who I would have a decent conversation, build some chemistry, ask someone out for coffee or drinks, and they’d usually be open to it. There seemed to be more genuine curiosity about meeting new people.

I’m 33 now, and ironically, I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I am fitter, dress better, more experienced , and I’m more financially stable. I wouldn’t consider myself a top 10% guy, but probably somewhat above average in my area. My match rate is not bad.

Yet somehow, turning matches into actual dates feels significantly harder. More ghosting, less effort, and much higher expectations. Sometimes it feels like people have been on so many dates that the excitement of meeting someone new is gone. Even suggesting a casual coffee doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

I also notice very little middle ground. Some women seem almost impossible to get on a date, while others agree immediately but don’t seem genuinely interested in getting to know you (“free meal girls”).

Anyone else experiencing this? Have dating apps changed that much, is everyone just burned out, or is dating in your 30s simply a different game?

Every time I thought my photos were kind of okay, I'd swipe through women's profiles and see these perfect, high-quality pictures with the best angles possible. 😂

I think How the hell do they get pictures like that?

Seriously, women are geniuses when it comes to finding the perfect lighting, angle, pose and photo quality.

Congrats, ladies. You win this one. 😂👏

Montana is a post apocalyptic hellscape. Been back on the dating apps for a month after a solid break to focus on myself. 0 matches, 2 likes from bumble and 3 from hinge, all women over 70 miles away that are hardly compatible with me at all.

TLDR: this dude is wayyyyy more attractive than I am.

I marked this as funny because after the initial horror, I’m laughing.

For context, I’m an American and I’m currently enjoying my fifth and final week of a stint in Spain.

A couple of weeks before I came here I switched my Bumble location to where I’m staying in Spain. It’s a great place, but not exactly known for its red hot dating scene. So I figured I’d need some lead time to make matches and actually be able to date them (please, Spanish women, please give me a reason to stay! I love it here so much).

I got a few likes, but only one match. I started talking to her when I was still at home in the States, and after a little bit we set up our first date on the same day I got to her city.

She’s SO sweet. Super warm and friendly and patient with my imperfect Spanish and the conversation flows wonderfully. During the conversation on the first date she told me that she was seeing another guy. And, you know, it’s Bumble, we’re all seeing whoever until we declare otherwise. No big deal. I like her, I want to keep seeing her, I kept asking her out, and we kept meeting up. I figure if she liked the other guy more, she’d be with him instead of me on any given evening.

Things have progressed, we’ve spent a lot of time together, gotten more and more intimate, she’s telling me about dreams of hers in which I’ve appeared, we talk every day even if we don’t see each other. Even though we’ve gotten more and more emotionally and physically intimate over the last several weeks, we haven’t had sex. Shes traditional/conservative and I’m respectful and I’ve made it clear that I’m down whenever she’s ready and that’s where it is right now. I’m sincerely enjoying our time together. It’s been really nice. Though it’s no secret that there’s another guy. I don’t think they’re fucking because again, she’s conservative, and also she volunteers information along those lines and she hasn’t told me. I’ve never asked about him because a) as long as she and I haven’t made anything official, she has every right to date whoever she wants; and b) I sincerely don’t want to know anything about him or them. I do appreciate that she’s honest, but I’m not interested in the details.

A little bit about me: physically, I’m a giant bear of a man. 6’4”, shaved head, reddish brown full beard with a few greys starting to hint that I’m pushing 40. I’m fat for sure, but also I work out regularly and do heavy weight training, so even though I’m fat I’m not, like, pear-shaped. At home I’m a big dude, but everything and everyone is smaller in Spain, and so here I’m a freak show giant. As far as non-physical things: I’m charming and funny and well educated and versed in art and literature. I act and dress like a gentleman out of a sense of self esteem. And by no means am I short of money. In other words, I approach dating with a lot of confidence knowing that I have a lot to offer.

We went to a bar tonight, I introduced her to some close friends of mine here, later we went back to my place, and we were just sitting and talking. She was talking about something and showed me a picture on her phone related to the topic. Then another picture (of her niece) just because. Then, super casually, she held up her phone and said “oh here is the other guy. He runs marathons.” And she shows me a picture of this unbelievably attractive man that was taken in the plaza right by where I’m staying.

Like. I’m straight, but I’m not blind. This guy is gorgeous. I don’t remember the last time I was intimidated by another man, but here we are. I didn’t let it show outwardly, but in my mind the mullet/mustache “what the fuck??” gif guy was doing his thing. My penis fled up into my body to hide and still hasn’t come back. I briefly reconsidered the whole being-straight thing I’ve had going on for my whole life. I’ve never been so startled by something so innocuous. Like, woman, you’re telling me that guy wants to fuck you and you’re here with me just hanging out?? What is happening?? What is dating?? Just a whole litany of thoughts and questions.

I had been taking the whole “she’s dating me and another guy” as a bit of a competition and whatever, I was having fun with it. I wasn’t taking it too seriously because, hey, I’ll be gone soon. But then I got to know her better and like her more and I cared more. I think I’d thought “yeah, they’ll end up dating exclusively once I’m gone because he’s here and I’m not. But she’ll remember me and wish I were here.” But now? Definitely not! lol. It’s cool, I hope she ends up happy one way or another. And I’ll keep seeing her until I leave. But I’m not gonna harbor any romantic illusions of longing on her part. She’ll be fine lol.

The whole thing and my reaction just struck me as funny and I thought I’d share. I hope you enjoyed it.

Edit: Before the “she’s treating you like a meal ticket” guys show up in the comments, no, she’s not. I keep trying to treat her to meals but she won’t allow it. She just slowly sips beer when we hang out. And compared to what I’m used to paying to drink in bars at home, beer is cheap as hell here (most things are, btw, Spain is amazing), so yeah I’m treating out of a sense of old school gentlemanliness, but we’re talking like $10-12 over the course of several hours. I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… and you shouldn’t either.

Hi all - 35F here. I just created an acct earlier today. I just checked my profile and app saying this much people ‘liked’ me.I’m bound to think since my account is new that Bumble is doing something to it for more exposure. I’m curious if this is marketing ploy to get people to upgrade their plan. I mean, is the premium one worth it? TIA!

A bit over 2 and half years from our match and we are now engaged.

That its all I wanted to share today.

Thanks Bumble.

I matched with a girl on Bumble a few days ago. We had a pretty good conversation initially, but as the workweek got busier, we gradually lost touch.

Fast forward to Saturday evening, around 8 PM. Out of nowhere, she texted me asking if I wanted to grab coffee. Since it was already late, I suggested meeting the next day at 4 PM instead. She agreed.

Now, I’m not someone who believes in the whole pick-up-and-drop-off arrangement for a first date. I prefer meeting directly at the café or restaurant, getting to know each other, and seeing how things go. So, I told her we could meet at the place directly.

Her response? “I don’t do that.”

Apparently, she expected me to pick her up, take her to the café, and drop her back home afterward.

Honestly, that expectation caught me off guard. We had only matched a few days ago, barely knew each other, and hadn’t even met in person yet. Why should picking her up and dropping her home automatically be my responsibility?

And, to be clear, I’m not against paying for coffee or even the entire bill if I invite someone out. I’m happy to do that when it feels right. But expecting someone to handle the transportation both ways, along with potentially paying for everything, before you’ve even met them? That feels a little excessive to me.

I can understand wanting to feel safe, and I respect that. But there’s a difference between having safety concerns and expecting a stranger from a dating app to provide door-to-door service on the first date.

In the end, I decided to decline the date.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, or maybe we simply have different expectations when it comes to dating.

So, fellow Redditors, what do you think? Is picking up and dropping off your date an unspoken expectation these days, or was I right to stick to my boundaries?

I've noticed a lot of women who like baseball or maybe they're career women. There's a certain aesthetic of bumble profiles that seems unique but also very very bland.

I also don't understand what makes bumble different from other dating apps at this point?

Had fairly good chat with with this guy all day. He had his politics listed as ‘left’ which aligned with mine and I assumed meant he was progressive. He had a historical interest which I spent a lot of time acknowledging and asking about during the chat. Just before this exchange he flagged that we live ~50 miles apart which I said was fine for me if it was the right person. Apparently ‘black cat looking for her golden retriever’ isn’t PC anymore 👀

Do you think any of these photos (1-8) are better than the ones I had up (9-14)?

I tried Bumble, Hinge, Tinder & FB Dating for around 2 years, and only got a handful of matches. I never once got any of those to turn into a real date. I am hoping deleting my profile for a couple months and restarting will give me some better traction. When I first started I know my photos and prompts were probably terrible.

Ive just had a haircut where before i had very long hair and i dont want to catfish anyone, so i took these. I know they arent that great but until I get a good pic made by someone else with my new hair I want to use one of these. Let me know which one gives the best first impression.

I think one of the biggest problems with dating apps like Bumble is that people can start treating potential partners like profiles to evaluate instead of actual people to get to know.

When you have endless profiles to swipe through, it's easy to assume someone better might be just a few swipes away. Even a decent conversation can get abandoned because another match looks more interesting. Meanwhile, people who might actually be compatible never get the chance to find out.

Good photos matter, obviously, because they're the first impression. But having an attractive profile doesn't automatically mean someone knows how to communicate, show genuine interest, or build a relationship.

I also think success stories like engagements are a useful reminder that dating apps can work. The problem is that finding a partner requires more than collecting matches. You still need consistency, honest intentions, and a willingness to get to know someone beyond their pictures.

I'd rather have one genuine connection than dozens of matches that go nowhere. Dating apps should be a way to meet people, not a substitute for actually getting to know them.

I feel like this subreddit has become so miserable in the last few months. I been here for years, but lately it generally feels like every post erupts into a war of genders.

It feels like there so many angry men on here atm. Like when a lady offers her experience it becomes a massive battle to undermined her in the comment section. Like some of the comments are baffling and just hateful. Tbh there are some women also using the comment section to stir the pot too, like making comments saying all men deserve loneliness.

What happened to actually discuss dating? I feel like a HUGE number of posts just go into "Why its all womens fault" or "Why men suck"

I feel like the main issue is the apps as they are the thing that sucks.

There shit people on dating apps, but the apps are the main issue no?

I feel like I trained myself over the years to constantly be looking for hookups and the next best thing.

I would see a hot couple where some random dude is on the street with his model blonde girlfriend and I just get salty in the sense that the ego part of me is like "there's more work to be done" and "I need to level up". It shocked me but I still felt like I hadn't fully explored yet.

My girl is cute and I really like her. If I was shallow, I wouldn't have chosen her otherwise out of all the other options I had over the summer and after as well which I shut down. I connected with her the best.

On the other hand, I feel like a dick but I don't know what to do. I'm invested in my relationship and faithful but I also have this other part of me feeling like my job isn't done and I need to get back in the game and see how far I can go.

I should probably open up to my girl about this in a tactful way but I don't think there is a tactful way to be like "we just became exclusive over a month ago and I like you and all and I know you were sad about me seeing other girls while I was getting to know you but tada surprise now I want to fuck other girls."

This is so stupid because I was excited when we first matched. We were actually having a decent conversation, asking each other questions and everything.

Now we're at that stage where I reply when I get a chance, they reply hours later, and somehow we never get anywhere. Nobody's being rude, the conversation just keeps getting pushed to the back of the day.

And I can't tell if they're losing interest or if we're both just busy. I don't really want to double text because I don't want to seem pushy, but I also don't want a good match to fizzle out over nothing.

​

Hey everyone,

I'm posting this because I'd genuinely like some honest opinions, especially from women who use Bumble and people who have experience with dating dynamics. I'm not looking for reassurance or for people to tell me that she wasn't worth it. I want to understand whether there's something I'm consistently doing wrong and what I could improve.

I'm a 25 year-old guy who recently moved to Munich. I consider myself a relatively social person once I'm comfortable with someone, but I can be shy when it comes to showing romantic interest, especially with women I genuinely like.

Recently, I went on a Bumble date that lasted around four hours. We had a snack first and talked about different things, asked each other questions, and the conversation seemed to flow reasonably well. It didn't feel like we were desperately searching for things to say. She seemed engaged enough to keep the conversation going, and we spent quite a bit of time together.

During the date, I tried to be myself. I joked around, tried to make her laugh, listened to what she was saying, and asked questions about her life. I also told her once that I thought she was cute. At the end, I hugged her and told her that I'd like to see her again.

Afterward, she messaged me and said that I seemed like a kind soul, but that she didn't feel something romantic and would prefer to be friends.

On my dates, I tend to be friendly, polite, humorous, and interested in the other person. I can usually make women laugh, and conversations often last a long time. However, I rarely create a genuinely flirtatious atmosphere. Most of the time, the interaction feels comfortable and friendly rather than romantic.

The confusing part is that I can spend three or four hours with someone, have what seems like a pleasant date, and still frienzone happened.

I have a few questions:

Women of Bumble, what does “kind soul” usually mean in this context? Is it simply a polite way of saying that you don't find a guy attractive, or can it mean that he behaved in a way that felt too friendly and non-romantic?

Can a four-hour first date still feel completely platonic to a woman? I sometimes interpret a long conversation and mutual questions as signs that the date is going well, but perhaps I'm confusing conversational compatibility with romantic attraction.

How much flirting do you expect on a first date? Do you prefer subtle teasing, compliments, playful eye contact, and a bit of tension, or do you think romantic chemistry should happen naturally without the guy deliberately trying to create it?

Can being too polite and agreeable make a man seem more like a friend? I'm not saying that I want to become arrogant or act like someone I'm not. I just wonder whether constantly trying to make the other person comfortable can prevent her from seeing me as a potential romantic partner.

At what point should a man make his intentions more obvious? Is saying that you find a woman cute and that you'd like to see her again enough, or should the romantic tone be established much earlier in the date?

How important is physical escalation? If a date is going well, should a man try to establish more physical contact naturally, or is it perfectly normal for a first date to involve nothing more than a greeting and goodbye hug?

Do women sometimes agree to long first dates because they enjoy the conversation, even when they already know they aren't romantically interested? Or is it possible that attraction simply develops differently for different people?

What would you advise a man who repeatedly gets along well with women but struggles to generate romantic interest? Should he change his approach, become more openly flirtatious, choose different date activities, or simply accept that compatibility is unpredictable?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from women who have experienced this situation from the other side. Have you ever had a date with a guy who was funny, respectful, attractive enough on paper, and easy to talk to, but you still felt absolutely no romantic chemistry? What was missing?

And for men who have gone through something similar: did you eventually discover a specific behaviour that was holding you back, or did things improve simply with more dating experience?

Please be honest, even if the answer is uncomfortable. I'd rather receive useful criticism than generic advice like “just be yourself” or “the right person will come along.”

Thanks for reading.

You ever match with someone, have a decent first few messages, and then the conversation just slowly dies because neither of you knows what to say next?

Not even because the other person is boring or anything. Sometimes you just can't get a conversation going over text, even when their profile made you think you'd get along.

Then a few days later you see the match sitting there and think, do I message again or just leave it alone? 😂

Dating apps are weird. You can have a perfectly good conversation with someone in person, but over text it feels like you're both trying to solve a puzzle.

I (34F) feel like I will match with a guy, have decent conversation, they seem keen for a date, the first date goes well and they seem to be attracted to me but by the time it gets to the 3rd or 4th date, the guy seems to get slower with messages and less proactive with organising dates and then end things saying there's a "lack of spark" and that they don't see things progressing beyond friendship. I get not eveyone will feel it with me, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing anything that is giving the wrong impression or killing the "spark"? It's making me feel pretty undesired that they don't want to see where things go beyond 3 or 4 dates.

I'm someone who likes to "take things slow" in terms of physical affection because I need to build a sense of trust, so I take my time getting to know someone and my interest tends to build over time as I know them better which leads to more comfort with physical affection. I haven't told most guys this directly and I'm wondering if i need to? If they try to kiss me, I will kiss them back, and I feel like I'm reciprocal, but probably won't "make out" until later dates. Sometimes I'm worried I come off as a bit awkward or restrained, even though I think I'm fairly enthusiastic, friendly and bantery etc. In saying that, I feel like I try to make my interest clear by being curious, telling them I enjoyed myself, reciprocating in organising dates and trying to flirt, even if I can get a bit shy.

As a man, is there anything that you're looking for with "spark"? Would anything put you off? Would you be patient with someone who seems to take things slow?

edit

Seems like there's quite a few men with entitled attitudes to sex who seem to believe they should be rewarded with it for less than 4 dates. It's disappointing and sad to see so many shallow and superficial, disrespectful, sex motivated men with narrow minded views but I guess that means it's probably good I'm filtering those types out so thanks for the reminder.

I dislike you all you have ruined my chances with women simply because my bones didn’t grow enough! You all enjoy the luxury of women thirsting over you on a daily basis while I watch it all on instagram/tik tok and wishing that was me but since I’m not tall and even lie about my height to try and get women I still feel invincible. I wish there was a way to get you people off this app I deserve women.

I've had a lot of my matches ask me what I'm looking for while messaging back and forth. I usually say something like "I'm looking to meet great people" or "I'm just open to seeing what develops". I've been saying that for years and woman always respond well to it.

This weekend another match asked me what I'm looking for and I decided I would switch it up for the hell of it and I said: "I'm looking for love".

She didn't respond and later unmatched me LOL.

What's even funnier is her profiles says "looking for a relationship"

I (29F) was active on Bumble this summer. From May-Sept I had decent conversations with maybe a dozen guys. Went on dates with 3 of them.

My last date (with the 3rd guy) went so badly I ended up deleting my profile.

I made it clear when talking to these guys that I was looking for a LTR and didn't do hookups. I was having a great time with this guy; we went to a baseball game and laughed nearly nonstop. Afterward, we went bar hopping, where he kept insisting we go back to his place to try X wine. When I respectfully said, "I don't do that on first dates, maybe next time," he did a complete 180. Essentially stopped talking to me and looked absolutely pissed. As we were leaving, he got into a rather heated argument with the valet. I didn't feel safe at all, so I slipped out another exit and got an Uber. Unsurprisingly, I got a few angry texts from him later that night.

I haven't thought much about it for the past 3 weeks, until today.

On both Facebook and Instagram, I've been shown really strange suggested profiles. At least 4 of the ~12 guys I spoke with this summer. I never knew these guys' last names, let alone looked them up. Never had their numbers either. We live in a very large city, and I have no mutual friends with any of them.

Really weird. Not sure what to think at this point... Part of me is wondering if I ended up on one of those 'are we dating the same girl?' pages because of the nightmare date situation.

Has anyone else had this happen?

I've been on the app for a week now and I haven't gotten any likes from and Woman or Nonbinary users. I'm on Long Island so I know my options are limited and must accept that long distance is a possibility. I've tried the ELO algorithm exploit by having men send likes to me and tried travel mode at various east coast cities but no luck. I'm also autistic (I think people can tell tbh even if I don't bring it up) if that's also somewhat of a turnoff. I have premium too.