And with that behavior, you destroy dating for everyone.

I recently received a message from a man on a dating app. Before I could accept the match and send my response, a notification appeared saying that he had something he wanted to share with me before proceeding.
I’d never encountered this feature before and didn’t even know it existed!
His disclaimer essentially said that he was looking for someone who could accept his flaws and shortcomings and recognize that he was a human being with a heart.
I had to choose whether to continue with the match or decline it after reading his statement.
Naturally, I was intrigued. Why would someone go out of his way to use a special disclosure feature just to announce that he has flaws? We ALL have flaws. I wondered whether there was something significant in his past that he wanted potential partners to know about.
So I proceeded with the match, and after exchanging a few messages, I asked him why he’d felt the need to include that disclaimer.
His response was that everyone has flaws, some more than others, that he has quirks and “can be a handful.” He then added that he wants to give someone unconditional love and make her happy.
Well, that explanation actually made me MORE uncomfortable!
First, why is a grown man describing himself as “a handful”? That’s usually how we describe children whose behavior is difficult to manage.
Second, what exactly does being a handful mean? Does he have a temper? Is he argumentative? Controlling? Emotionally demanding? He never explained.
And third, why is he asking women to acknowledge his shortcomings BEFORE they’ve even met him, without telling them what those shortcomings are?
Here’s what bothers me most: It feels like an attempt to secure acceptance of potentially bad behavior in advance.
I can imagine a woman eventually objecting to something he does, only to hear, “Well, I told you I was a handful. You knew what you were getting into.”
And the unconditional love statement made me even more suspicious. It felt like an implied bargain: I’ll love you despite your flaws, so you should accept mine.
I also think this kind of language can appeal to women who want to be the special person who understands, supports, or even rescues a misunderstood man. I recognize that impulse because I used to have it myself.
To be clear, I don’t know whether this man actually behaves badly or whether he would use his disclaimer that way. But the combination of the unusual screening step, the vague warning, and the emphasis on unconditional acceptance gave me pause.
Ultimately, we lived too far apart, so I politely ended the conversation.
But I’m curious: Have any of you encountered this kind of disclaimer on a dating app? And would you interpret it as emotional vulnerability, a warning, or an attempt to establish acceptance of behavior before you’ve even experienced it?

I feel like this subreddit has become so miserable in the last few months. I been here for years, but lately it generally feels like every post erupts into a war of genders.

It feels like there so many angry men on here atm. Like when a lady offers her experience it becomes a massive battle to undermined her in the comment section. Like some of the comments are baffling and just hateful. Tbh there are some women also using the comment section to stir the pot too, like making comments saying all men deserve loneliness.

What happened to actually discuss dating? I feel like a HUGE number of posts just go into "Why its all womens fault" or "Why men suck"

I feel like the main issue is the apps as they are the thing that sucks.

There shit people on dating apps, but the apps are the main issue no?

This is so stupid because I was excited when we first matched. We were actually having a decent conversation, asking each other questions and everything.

Now we're at that stage where I reply when I get a chance, they reply hours later, and somehow we never get anywhere. Nobody's being rude, the conversation just keeps getting pushed to the back of the day.

And I can't tell if they're losing interest or if we're both just busy. I don't really want to double text because I don't want to seem pushy, but I also don't want a good match to fizzle out over nothing.

that's my claim.

especially you women with 100+ matches.

and you freeze up too much when people ask you out.

I’ve been around this sub and the tinder one for a couple of months for many reasons. First of all I admit sometimes I laugh with others funny experiences but the truth is that I dare to say that 80% of the posts are about people that is frustrated with their experience in the app.

And here’s the thing: we know it sucks. We know the app is designed to keep u there and not to find a person so u can keep spending money on it. People there most of the time have shitty attitude due what the app makes on em (girls with abundance of options and attention so they dgaf anymore and guys with creepy or incel attitudes).

Even recently I’ve seen a tendency of posts about the stats that proves how shit this app is but again: here you are, swipe left and right.

So my question is: why? At some point I feel it’s even self destructive being there and getting this constant frustration.

Is it about that u don’t want to quit? U have a little faith even when odds show how low the success ratio is? Or what is it?

And before someone misunderstands me: Yes, I used it in the past. Did I have matches, dates and even more? Yes, a few but yes. It’s just that I realized that I was losing more than winning and now I’m only a spectator. Not judging no body, only looking for answers because I really can’t comprehend why would u torture yourself in that way

Hi all - 35F here. I just created an acct earlier today. I just checked my profile and app saying this much people ‘liked’ me.I’m bound to think since my account is new that Bumble is doing something to it for more exposure. I’m curious if this is marketing ploy to get people to upgrade their plan. I mean, is the premium one worth it? TIA!

Every time I thought my photos were kind of okay, I'd swipe through women's profiles and see these perfect, high-quality pictures with the best angles possible. 😂

I think How the hell do they get pictures like that?

Seriously, women are geniuses when it comes to finding the perfect lighting, angle, pose and photo quality.

Congrats, ladies. You win this one. 😂👏

I matched with a girl on Bumble a few days ago. We had a pretty good conversation initially, but as the workweek got busier, we gradually lost touch.

Fast forward to Saturday evening, around 8 PM. Out of nowhere, she texted me asking if I wanted to grab coffee. Since it was already late, I suggested meeting the next day at 4 PM instead. She agreed.

Now, I’m not someone who believes in the whole pick-up-and-drop-off arrangement for a first date. I prefer meeting directly at the café or restaurant, getting to know each other, and seeing how things go. So, I told her we could meet at the place directly.

Her response? “I don’t do that.”

Apparently, she expected me to pick her up, take her to the café, and drop her back home afterward.

Honestly, that expectation caught me off guard. We had only matched a few days ago, barely knew each other, and hadn’t even met in person yet. Why should picking her up and dropping her home automatically be my responsibility?

And, to be clear, I’m not against paying for coffee or even the entire bill if I invite someone out. I’m happy to do that when it feels right. But expecting someone to handle the transportation both ways, along with potentially paying for everything, before you’ve even met them? That feels a little excessive to me.

I can understand wanting to feel safe, and I respect that. But there’s a difference between having safety concerns and expecting a stranger from a dating app to provide door-to-door service on the first date.

In the end, I decided to decline the date.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, or maybe we simply have different expectations when it comes to dating.

So, fellow Redditors, what do you think? Is picking up and dropping off your date an unspoken expectation these days, or was I right to stick to my boundaries?

I feel like I trained myself over the years to constantly be looking for hookups and the next best thing.

I would see a hot couple where some random dude is on the street with his model blonde girlfriend and I just get salty in the sense that the ego part of me is like "there's more work to be done" and "I need to level up". It shocked me but I still felt like I hadn't fully explored yet.

My girl is cute and I really like her. If I was shallow, I wouldn't have chosen her otherwise out of all the other options I had over the summer and after as well which I shut down. I connected with her the best.

On the other hand, I feel like a dick but I don't know what to do. I'm invested in my relationship and faithful but I also have this other part of me feeling like my job isn't done and I need to get back in the game and see how far I can go.

I should probably open up to my girl about this in a tactful way but I don't think there is a tactful way to be like "we just became exclusive over a month ago and I like you and all and I know you were sad about me seeing other girls while I was getting to know you but tada surprise now I want to fuck other girls."

So because I'm stupid, I tried to make an account when I was 17 and, reasonably, my number got banned.

I'm 18 now and it still has yet to allow me back and everytime I put my number in, it says "Account blocked, you must be 18 to join" With the only option being to look at ToS and community guidelines.

I've tried reaching out to support but it just gives me the AI to talk to and when I explained the situation, it just said "there's nothing we can do" but I'm like 90% sure if I wasn't talking to an AI, they could

I'm willing to show an ID but I've never been given the option or prompted

Does literally anyone have an idea of what I can do?

You either don't have enough valued traits to be more, or you're too much of a wuss to make it a thing of "either we'll be more than that or I'm out" in a matter of fact way by making your intentions known and actually following through on it.

Instead, you lie to yourself like a coward by staying around the person with the vague hope that things will somehow magically change. It's entirely ego-driven.

So essentially, you're just a loser. This applies to both genders. This also applies to those who cope that they actually do just want to be friends or casual as a way to soften the blow.

That is all.

I've had a lot of my matches ask me what I'm looking for while messaging back and forth. I usually say something like "I'm looking to meet great people" or "I'm just open to seeing what develops". I've been saying that for years and woman always respond well to it.

This weekend another match asked me what I'm looking for and I decided I would switch it up for the hell of it and I said: "I'm looking for love".

She didn't respond and later unmatched me LOL.

What's even funnier is her profiles says "looking for a relationship"

Edit: to clarify. Im looking for both men and women.
My first photo on bumble is the mirror selfie, i just accidentally uploaded the pics in the wrong order

I (34F) feel like I will match with a guy, have decent conversation, they seem keen for a date, the first date goes well and they seem to be attracted to me but by the time it gets to the 3rd or 4th date, the guy seems to get slower with messages and less proactive with organising dates and then end things saying there's a "lack of spark" and that they don't see things progressing beyond friendship. I get not eveyone will feel it with me, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing anything that is giving the wrong impression or killing the "spark"? It's making me feel pretty undesired that they don't want to see where things go beyond 3 or 4 dates.

I'm someone who likes to "take things slow" in terms of physical affection because I need to build a sense of trust, so I take my time getting to know someone and my interest tends to build over time as I know them better which leads to more comfort with physical affection. I haven't told most guys this directly and I'm wondering if i need to? If they try to kiss me, I will kiss them back, and I feel like I'm reciprocal, but probably won't "make out" until later dates. Sometimes I'm worried I come off as a bit awkward or restrained, even though I think I'm fairly enthusiastic, friendly and bantery etc. In saying that, I feel like I try to make my interest clear by being curious, telling them I enjoyed myself, reciprocating in organising dates and trying to flirt, even if I can get a bit shy.

As a man, is there anything that you're looking for with "spark"? Would anything put you off? Would you be patient with someone who seems to take things slow?

edit

Seems like there's quite a few men with entitled attitudes to sex who seem to believe they should be rewarded with it for less than 4 dates. It's disappointing and sad to see so many shallow and superficial, disrespectful, sex motivated men with narrow minded views but I guess that means it's probably good I'm filtering those types out so thanks for the reminder.

I started using dating apps about 5-6 years ago, when I was 27-28, and I remember getting dates was much easier. I had to grind but eventually there was a match who I would have a decent conversation, build some chemistry, ask someone out for coffee or drinks, and they’d usually be open to it. There seemed to be more genuine curiosity about meeting new people.

I’m 33 now, and ironically, I feel like I’m a better version of myself. I am fitter, dress better, more experienced , and I’m more financially stable. I wouldn’t consider myself a top 10% guy, but probably somewhat above average in my area. My match rate is not bad.

Yet somehow, turning matches into actual dates feels significantly harder. More ghosting, less effort, and much higher expectations. Sometimes it feels like people have been on so many dates that the excitement of meeting someone new is gone. Even suggesting a casual coffee doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

I also notice very little middle ground. Some women seem almost impossible to get on a date, while others agree immediately but don’t seem genuinely interested in getting to know you (“free meal girls”).

Anyone else experiencing this? Have dating apps changed that much, is everyone just burned out, or is dating in your 30s simply a different game?

I was a monthly subscriber for a year. Took a break.. and then when I came back, it’s either $300 for lifetime or 3 months for $205. No other options. wtf?! You’d think they’d want old members back!

Weird question, and I only ask because this has happened twice now: Why do women end the chat on Bumble while they are actively dating you? I was dating a girl, and she was rather flaky, so I kind of expected her to do it. We were still dating at the time and had a couple more dates before she broke it off and deleted her account. Now I have a second date with a great girl, everything is going really well and she has ended the chat with me also. Why? In both cases, they already had my phone number, but it seems weird to me to end the chat with someone you are dating even if its not exclusive.

If I had to remove one or two photos which would you reccomend me to remove. Thanks in advanced.

TLDR: this dude is wayyyyy more attractive than I am.

I marked this as funny because after the initial horror, I’m laughing.

For context, I’m an American and I’m currently enjoying my fifth and final week of a stint in Spain.

A couple of weeks before I came here I switched my Bumble location to where I’m staying in Spain. It’s a great place, but not exactly known for its red hot dating scene. So I figured I’d need some lead time to make matches and actually be able to date them (please, Spanish women, please give me a reason to stay! I love it here so much).

I got a few likes, but only one match. I started talking to her when I was still at home in the States, and after a little bit we set up our first date on the same day I got to her city.

She’s SO sweet. Super warm and friendly and patient with my imperfect Spanish and the conversation flows wonderfully. During the conversation on the first date she told me that she was seeing another guy. And, you know, it’s Bumble, we’re all seeing whoever until we declare otherwise. No big deal. I like her, I want to keep seeing her, I kept asking her out, and we kept meeting up. I figure if she liked the other guy more, she’d be with him instead of me on any given evening.

Things have progressed, we’ve spent a lot of time together, gotten more and more intimate, she’s telling me about dreams of hers in which I’ve appeared, we talk every day even if we don’t see each other. Even though we’ve gotten more and more emotionally and physically intimate over the last several weeks, we haven’t had sex. Shes traditional/conservative and I’m respectful and I’ve made it clear that I’m down whenever she’s ready and that’s where it is right now. I’m sincerely enjoying our time together. It’s been really nice. Though it’s no secret that there’s another guy. I don’t think they’re fucking because again, she’s conservative, and also she volunteers information along those lines and she hasn’t told me. I’ve never asked about him because a) as long as she and I haven’t made anything official, she has every right to date whoever she wants; and b) I sincerely don’t want to know anything about him or them. I do appreciate that she’s honest, but I’m not interested in the details.

A little bit about me: physically, I’m a giant bear of a man. 6’4”, shaved head, reddish brown full beard with a few greys starting to hint that I’m pushing 40. I’m fat for sure, but also I work out regularly and do heavy weight training, so even though I’m fat I’m not, like, pear-shaped. At home I’m a big dude, but everything and everyone is smaller in Spain, and so here I’m a freak show giant. As far as non-physical things: I’m charming and funny and well educated and versed in art and literature. I act and dress like a gentleman out of a sense of self esteem. And by no means am I short of money. In other words, I approach dating with a lot of confidence knowing that I have a lot to offer.

We went to a bar tonight, I introduced her to some close friends of mine here, later we went back to my place, and we were just sitting and talking. She was talking about something and showed me a picture on her phone related to the topic. Then another picture (of her niece) just because. Then, super casually, she held up her phone and said “oh here is the other guy. He runs marathons.” And she shows me a picture of this unbelievably attractive man that was taken in the plaza right by where I’m staying.

Like. I’m straight, but I’m not blind. This guy is gorgeous. I don’t remember the last time I was intimidated by another man, but here we are. I didn’t let it show outwardly, but in my mind the mullet/mustache “what the fuck??” gif guy was doing his thing. My penis fled up into my body to hide and still hasn’t come back. I briefly reconsidered the whole being-straight thing I’ve had going on for my whole life. I’ve never been so startled by something so innocuous. Like, woman, you’re telling me that guy wants to fuck you and you’re here with me just hanging out?? What is happening?? What is dating?? Just a whole litany of thoughts and questions.

I had been taking the whole “she’s dating me and another guy” as a bit of a competition and whatever, I was having fun with it. I wasn’t taking it too seriously because, hey, I’ll be gone soon. But then I got to know her better and like her more and I cared more. I think I’d thought “yeah, they’ll end up dating exclusively once I’m gone because he’s here and I’m not. But she’ll remember me and wish I were here.” But now? Definitely not! lol. It’s cool, I hope she ends up happy one way or another. And I’ll keep seeing her until I leave. But I’m not gonna harbor any romantic illusions of longing on her part. She’ll be fine lol.

The whole thing and my reaction just struck me as funny and I thought I’d share. I hope you enjoyed it.

Edit: Before the “she’s treating you like a meal ticket” guys show up in the comments, no, she’s not. I keep trying to treat her to meals but she won’t allow it. She just slowly sips beer when we hang out. And compared to what I’m used to paying to drink in bars at home, beer is cheap as hell here (most things are, btw, Spain is amazing), so yeah I’m treating out of a sense of old school gentlemanliness, but we’re talking like $10-12 over the course of several hours. I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… and you shouldn’t either.

From a women.

I am looking for serious relationship.

Does that mean they looking for hook ups if they like you enough ? Or what

Never understood this

I saw a profile where the person said their ideal first date was running errands together, and honestly, I couldn't tell if that was cute or if I'd accidentally signed up to help someone buy groceries.

It got me thinking about how differently people approach first dates. Some want drinks, some want a proper dinner, some want to go for a walk, and some apparently want to see if you can survive IKEA together.

I actually like the idea of doing something ordinary because you probably get a better sense of what someone's really like. But asking a stranger to accompany you to do laundry might be pushing it.

What's the most unexpectedly normal first date idea you'd genuinely be up for?

I (29F) was active on Bumble this summer. From May-Sept I had decent conversations with maybe a dozen guys. Went on dates with 3 of them.

My last date (with the 3rd guy) went so badly I ended up deleting my profile.

I made it clear when talking to these guys that I was looking for a LTR and didn't do hookups. I was having a great time with this guy; we went to a baseball game and laughed nearly nonstop. Afterward, we went bar hopping, where he kept insisting we go back to his place to try X wine. When I respectfully said, "I don't do that on first dates, maybe next time," he did a complete 180. Essentially stopped talking to me and looked absolutely pissed. As we were leaving, he got into a rather heated argument with the valet. I didn't feel safe at all, so I slipped out another exit and got an Uber. Unsurprisingly, I got a few angry texts from him later that night.

I haven't thought much about it for the past 3 weeks, until today.

On both Facebook and Instagram, I've been shown really strange suggested profiles. At least 4 of the ~12 guys I spoke with this summer. I never knew these guys' last names, let alone looked them up. Never had their numbers either. We live in a very large city, and I have no mutual friends with any of them.

Really weird. Not sure what to think at this point... Part of me is wondering if I ended up on one of those 'are we dating the same girl?' pages because of the nightmare date situation.

Has anyone else had this happen?