Because quite a few people asked for an update to my previous post, here's an update for those who are still invested.

I talked to her about this on our date yesterday and explained that I have not been seeing other people and that I would like to pursue an exclusive relationship with her. I said that I'd been thinking about it for a while and that her message about the date she had was what motivated me to have this talk asap.

She was quite touched by what I said, and told me that the reason why she'd gone on that date a few days ago was because it was a stand-up comedy gig that she'd agreed to a month ago and had already got tickets for. We then spent an hour discussing us, what we mean for each other, and other personal matters - I won't get into detail to preserve our privacy. Anyway, we have agreed to be exclusive from this point on :-) I am very happy with the outcome, and can see that having the talk was the only right thing to do.

As a side note, the volume and diversity of responses to my original post was very interesting and pretty wild to read. People were saying all kinds of things. 5 dates is way too early. 5 dates is way too late. Exclusivity should always be assumed. Exclusivity should never be assumed. She's simply being weird. She's only being honest. Etc etc...

My takeaway from that is that everyone's situation is vastly different, and there is no one 'correct' way to date. Also, dating advice from strangers online always needs to be taken with a grain of salt, as one post can't possibly translate the full context of any relationship, and only the OP will know best.

Treat women like good friends.

Friendzone women: do this with or without romantic intent. Don't take things seriously.

Have fun. If it works out cool, if it just stays friendly cool - move on.

Honestly, I've always just kept things super friendly even with women I was initially interested in. Later they would tell me they always found me attractive or hot or whatever and partially outside of my looks it was because I seemed like I didn't care about dating/sleeping with them and there was a general lack of obvious intent.

Made just hanging out and cracking jokes and doing fun shit just chill.

TLDR: just be friends until you receive obvious signs of interest...if it never happens cool - date someone else. At least you'll still have a friend

I'm 30M, she's 28F. We've been on three dates and I genuinely like her.

She's funny, easy to talk to, has her own life and interests. One of those interests is running an Instagram account about restaurants and things to do around our city. Around 12k followers, so not exactly a celebrity, but she puts real effort into it.

On our third date, we went to a small Thai restaurant she'd been wanting to try.

She asked if she could take a quick video of the food. Obviously I said sure. I thought she meant the food.

The next morning, a friend sent me a reel from her page. It was a little compilation of the restaurant, and halfway through there was a clip of me laughing across the table. My face was clearly visible.

The caption was something along the lines of "When your Hinge date actually passes the conversation test."

It was complimentary. I get that. But I had absolutely no idea I was being filmed, much less that thousands of strangers would see it.

I messaged her and said it made me uncomfortable. To her credit, she apologized immediately and took it down. She said she was excited about how well the date went and genuinely hadn't considered that I'd mind.

I believe her.

The awkward part is that she now seems nervous about even taking pictures of her coffee around me. And I'm starting to feel like the guy who made someone feel bad about a hobby they love.

I don't want her to stop making content. I just don't want to be part of that content, at least not without a conversation first.

I'm trying to figure out whether this was one thoughtless mistake that we can move past or a sign that we have fundamentally different ideas about privacy.

Would you give this another chance? And how would you explain the boundary without making it sound like you're asking someone to choose between dating you and doing something they enjoy?

I am a single woman (32yo), good looking, fit, healthy, educated, career oriented, and very feminine. I’m so confused as to the dating culture today. I love having deep, intelligent conversations and it just seems as though some of these men cannot fathom or comprehend the level of conversations we have during a date. Then I learned there’s levels of exclusivity? Shouldn’t it just be exclusive all in one? If we like each other, let’s focus on each other? Maybe I’m just an old soul, but it’s so weird. Am I the only who feels this way? To put in effort and work out on things? Tell me what is going on?!

Edit: I feel like it’s always about sex, rushed, forced, or no patience to build a genuine, meaningful connection.

Hey everyone,
I’ve been using dating apps on and off, and like everyone here, I’m familiar with the classic narrative: (some) women get overwhelmed with matches, don't reply, or let matches expire, while men complain about getting low effort or radio silence.
However, over the last 1–2 years, I’ve noticed a massive shift. A huge percentage (70%?) of the men I match with now do exactly the same thing. They match and never initiate a conversation, let matches expire, or give hyper-inconsistent 1-word answers before vanishing completely.
I am a very intense/ active woman with texting and getting to know someone and this behaviour truly bothers me lol.

What shifted?
Is this a big city dynamic, or is app fatigue just hitting everyone equally regardless of gender now?

LOCATION: Illinois

Kinda embarrassed to even ask this because it involves such a petty amount of money, but my brain has been short-circuiting all morning. Am I crazy or is this a massive red flag?

Last night was our third date. We went to a nice Italian place she picked. The bill came out to around $140 and I paid the entire thing without hesitation—she offered to split, but I smiled, said “I got this”, and she seemed genuinely appreciative. Afterwards, we walked to a nearby convenience store because she wanted a specific sparkling water and some gum, which came to like $11. She tapped her card before I could even pull my wallet out.

the rest of the night was great, we kissed goodbye, and she texted me that she had an amazing time. Then at 8am today, I wake up to a Venmo notification from her for $5.50 with a sparkling water emoji.

I obviously dont care about five dollars, I’d pay it ten times over. It’s just... does this mean she views me purely as an acquaintance? Or is this just some weird modern etiquette where people track every single cent down to the wire? I feel so awkward responding now and idk what the move is here.

I’ve been single for almost a decade and after moving to a large city I decided to get back into it. 28m.

I set up these dates through dating apps. I also had 2 separate dates outside of apps with a debatably similar problem.

The problem is question is that I DO NOT MAKE MY ROMANTIC INTEREST IN THE DATE CLEAR.

Every date was 2.5-3 hrs long or longer. Sober, and it would be coffee or NA drinks for me. (I’m drinking again now but like the idea of sober dates).

I’m social and love yapping. I’ve been called many things but no one’s called me boring before. Every date ended with “this didn’t feel like a date, just a hang out” or “I wasn’t really feeling the spark” which is fair.

I am seeing if I get along with the date instead of if I’m physically attracted to them. I don’t touch them except for a hug at the end. I don’t really flirt on the first date.

It got to a point where one of my besties offered to do a mock date.

15 min in and she said “you haven’t complimented me besides saying you like my dress. If I’m a girl on a date with you I want to feel like you are attracted to me, not just what I chose to wear.”

So I would like to know some ideas for being more direct about being physically attracted to someone.

Note: I’ve been emotionally unavailable guy in the past so my main struggle is the first date romantic messaging now that I’m back on the market

Hi! I’m a 28 year old female and I took a REALLY long break from dating after my last long term relationship. I just started to get back out there and have been on three separate dates. However, out of these three dates only one asked me on a second one and it was like weeks later. The other two never asked for a second date. I’m really confused because I feel like my dates go well and this last guy texted me afterwards saying that he had a nice time? But that was it and no other texts have been sent afterwards.

I tried to dissect this more. I feel like I’m maybe just being too friendly and not flirty enough or something? I will also say that all three dates have been during the day time and not evening/night. It feels like it’s less pressure to me that way but maybe I should change that? I also asked my friends if I look the same as my pics or something seems off and everyone agrees I do. I’m just really confused. We talk and laugh and convo is good. It does feel like small talk sometimes but aren’t all first dates that vibe?

For the girls, how do you make a date feel less like a friendship meet up and for the guys, what makes you not want to go on a second date with a girl if you had a nice time?

Some women in dating are very clear they’re only after a serious relationship, and maybe even state they’re slow physically for that reason, and yet, some men still try and pursue them when they’re not serious about them? In some cases they’ll lie and pretend to want something serious but really only hoping to hookup, which inevitably falls apart if the woman was serious about wanting to wait.

What’s the mentality here?

Edit: by lie i mean they say to the woman she’s girlfriend potential, that he’s not seeing anyone else since they met, that he feels this could become something serious (basically suggest viewing that woman as a serious partner) but then get shitty after not getting sex 2-3 dates in

Basically as the title says. I (M25) went through a breakup last year and now live with my parents.

I had my own place with my gf from age 19 to 24 so I know what adult life is and I know how to take care of myself, but I feel like a teenager and I have prevented myself from dating because of that.

I have a full time job that pays decently, but I will have to quit it in january to work full time on my master’s degree. With the absurd cost of living, everyone in my circle says that staying with my parents is the most logical choice since I wont have a ton of bills to pay.

Nevertheless, I feel like im not allowed to date because I dont have my own place. I wanted to know the perspective of people who have dated people in this situation. Thanks!

As the title says, I'm 37 year old male trying to date in myarea of Harrison arkansas, but I have a terrible time meeting anyone decent. Anytime I meet anyone online, we talk a whole, but they are always states away, and the distance causes the l things to fizzle out. I'm trying to date around my age and would like to have kids and a family, but most women my age, the biological clock is giving down. It's honestly starting to feel hopeless like I'm just gonna stay alone all my life till I die.

Okay I am super wound up rn so I'm sorry for any rambling or unclear text :/

I (early 20sF) met this guy (mid 30sM) through a community event. In the last few days there has been some very clear flirting happening. Side note: I'm not certain if it's platonic joke flirting or actual flirting.

On the one hand, I am a little bit interested. At the very least, I'd like to get to know him more. On the other hand, I've only ever had one relationship before, it was entirely online, and it ended after a month. And I never did confess to my first love. So I wouldn't say I'm experienced at all, which makes the idea of an age gap relationship *really* stressful for me.

He also flirts very sexually. And I will give him credit! For the most part, it's actually very good flirting! It's not just gross or weird, he's funny and cheeky with it. However, it's bad timing. I'd be fine with a slower build to that type of flirting, but he jumped there rather quickly. And I'm honestly not upset by that, since in my experience, the vast majority of people are taught to flirt with sexual undertones. Most folks I talk to straight up do not know how to flirt without making it about physical connection. That said, it does freak me out a bit. I get it, but I don't love it. *Especially* with the age gap. It makes me question his intentions.

So I guess my question is, how do I very politely tell him that I *do* want to keep getting to know him, but I *don't* want it to be even *remotely* sexy right now? 😭

i heard that the most gatekept secret is that people are only in relationships because they settled for someone they didnt rly like just so they dont end up alone? or they settled for shitty people? Is this true? do most people actually settle just to be in a relationship?

How can they love someone so much and then be completely over them and in love with someone else three months later?

Hey everyone

I’ve been seeing this guy for around two months now and I’m not sure what to think. Some of my friends suggest that he may have a porn addiction and to go through his phone, which I really don’t want to start off a relationship like that.

The first month was just strictly makeout sessions and fondling each other, but the second month we tried to have sex (we went on a three day trip).

The first time we tried this he kept saying I was too tight and that’s why it wouldn’t fit in, he would say that after I would try to initiate anything until I gave him head. But I was just doing that to get him hard and it just came out of nowhere. The second night I tried again, which started off with me giving head and this when he was gonna put it in, he came. The best part about this is that he doesn’t take care of me or my needs.

I spoke to him about it on our last day explaining, how I also want to leave feeling satisfied and I ask if I could bring in toys or something, which he agreed too.

Fast forward a bit more:
I invited him to my place which I cook us dinner and made a cheesecake, he brought a couple bottles of wine then one thing led to another and we ended up in my bedroom.
Same thing happened that he was hard for a little bit but once it came down to us actually having sex he got soft (at first he said that I was, again, “too tight for him” but I have lube in which I used).

He then finally said that he was on a muscle builder (his words) named something starting with a “P”. I asked him if it was steroids and he quickly said no. So I asked him if this is going to last forever, he said “no I can stop whenever I want”.

That’s why he can’t stay hard for long, but shouldn’t they wear off at a certain point in the day or week?

His cum was also super liquid and pale? (I heard when it’s not clumpy and white, it means that masterbate a lot)

Anyways, I am not sure what to think. My nonnegotiableA where no only fans and no strippers, which maybe he’s hiding from me and that’s why he can’t get hard?

He never touches me either when we’re intimate, he just aggressively hip thrusts me when I’m on top(super big turn off lol).

Is he gay?? Or addicted to porn??

If you need more info or clarification let me know because idk what to think and I do not want to be invested then find out later down the road that I was right.

So I want to get back into the dating world, but fear of rejection is holding me back. The issue is I have a personality and interests that I think the majority of women won't be interested in. I'm kinda feminine, goofy, nerdy, a little shy, and certainly not dominant (I like pegging). I feel like most women, especially where I live, are looking for the manly man, dominant, handyman, goes to the gym 5x a week kinda guy which isn't me. I don't want to change who I am just to satisfy someone else's wants (in the context of interests and personality). But I feel like if I try dating, it's essentially going to be trial by fire where I'm getting rejected left and right, both politely and rudely, because I'm not compatible with a majority of women. How do I learn to accept this and be okay with being rejected (probably more than most) so I can try my hardest to find a woman who likes me for me?

I’m curious, do men ever regret pulling away from someone they have briefly dated? Or regret ghosting?

What if it’s circumstances that ruin the momentum of dating? Do they come back when things have settled for them or does the taxi cab theory actually exist?

I've had 3 long-term boyfriends, but no normal dating experience. I met all three guys online (two on Twitter, one on Reddit), the first I almost immediately moved in with, the second was long-distance, and the third was more about sex than anything else

Apart from that, ive been on 3 or 4 one-off dates with people i never went out with again (these were all at least people i didnt meet online)

I'm going to start some new hobbies soon in the hopes of finding someone i can build a future with, but I do feel like I'm going in a bit blind. What are the things you feel i need to know?

I matched with a girl on Hinge a few weeks ago, and I'm genuinely confused about this situation.

For some background, she was always pretty inconsistent with messaging on Hinge. She'd respond enthusiastically and then disappear for days or even weeks. I'd occasionally double-text, and she'd eventually come back and apologize, saying she sometimes takes breaks from the app.

Last Friday, she actually suggested exchanging numbers, and we spontaneously decided to meet for drinks that same night.

The date was honestly one of the best first dates I've had in a long time.

We had amazing conversation, tons of flirting, physical affection, and ended up kissing quite a bit. She was asking lots of questions about me, and everything felt incredibly natural.

What really stood out was how frequently SHE brought up seeing me again.

Throughout the date, she'd find ways to suggest future activities together without me even bringing them up.

For example, I mentioned that I go to the gym regularly, and she immediately said something along the lines of, "I'd love to come with you sometime if you ever need a gym partner."

When we talked about cooking, she said she'd love to try my cooking. When I mentioned some of my favorite places, she wanted me to take her. She also brought up other activities we could do together.

These weren't things I was suggesting and she was politely agreeing to. She was volunteering these ideas throughout the night.

At one point, I suggested getting together again later the following week, and she literally said, "You really want to wait that long to see me again?"

She then went through her schedule and told me which nights she was available, clearly expressing that she wanted to see me sooner.

We ended up making dinner plans for Sunday, just two days after our first date.

I dropped her off Friday night, and we kissed goodbye. Everything seemed great.

Then things got weird.

I texted her Saturday morning and didn't hear back.

On Sunday, I texted to confirm our 7:30 dinner reservation. She responded, saying she'd forgotten about a baby shower and had a busy day. She mentioned she'd call me after work.

I responded positively and said we could figure something out.

She never called.

I followed up later that evening, mentioning I'd canceled the reservation but would still love to see her and asking about rescheduling.

No response, and now it's Monday afternoon.

I'm genuinely confused because her interest Friday night seemed incredibly obvious. She wasn't just agreeing to another date. She was actively suggesting things we should do together, volunteering her availability, and expressing that she wanted to see me again ASAP.

I understand that sometimes people lose interest after a first date, but the contrast between Friday and now is pretty extreme.

I'm also wondering whether this is simply her communication style, considering she was similarly inconsistent on Hinge before we met.

I really liked this girl and would love to see her again, but I also don't want to keep chasing someone who isn't interested.

My questions:

1. Would you interpret this as a loss of interest, or could she genuinely just be a terrible communicator?
   
2. Is it worth sending one more text asking if she's available Tuesday or Thursday?
   
3. Would calling her be too much, considering we've never spoken on the phone?
   
4. Has anyone experienced something similar where the person eventually came back around?

I know the obvious advice is probably to move on, but the chemistry was strong enough that I'm hesitant to give up after one weekend.

Curious what others would do.

I (30M) got tickets to a show in 1.5 weeks with someone (30F) I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. Our 3rd date was yesterday and the show in 1.5 weeks would be our 4th. Before saying goodbye yesterday she mentioned we need to decide when we’re gonna see each other next and what we’re gonna do. I just said yeah and reminded her that we had the show coming up. We had talked about the show and got tickets yesterday morning before our date so I don’t think she forgot about it.

I got home and now I’m wondering if she wanted me to plan another date before the show? I’m afraid to ask in case she doesn’t want to see me before the show and will feel like I’m pressuring her to see me again before then

Hello everyone,

I’m feeling a bit down at the moment, to be honest. A little about myself: I’m a 39-year-old man, and, unfortunately, I have never been in a relationship. Since this is an online account that doesn’t reveal anything about my background or identity, I feel comfortable being open to you guys: not only have I never been in a relationship, but I have also never had sex. I have kissed a woman before, but nothing more ever came of it. Beyond having a genuine, proper relationship, my greatest wish has always been to fall asleep next to a woman—in the evening or at night—and wake up next to her the following morning; to be with someone who I know cares for me. That, too, has remained out of reach for me so far.

I take care of myself and my appearance; I’m communicative and always treat others well—with respect and attentiveness. Yet, when it comes to women and dating, I’ve had no luck. No woman has ever shown a serious interest in me.

Personally—as silly as it might sound—I feel a sense of loss and depression over never having had a young girlfriend, or having been in a relationship with a young woman (someone in her 20s) back when I was a young man myself. I feel as though I’ve missed out on something in life that is absolutely fundamental—at least to me, it feels fundamental, essential, and, in fact, something that should be a given. I can’t turn back the clock; my 20s and early 30s are gone for good. I don’t even know what I would be like in a relationship; I don’t even have the space to improve or work on myself, simply because I have absolutely no experience to draw from.

A few years ago, I made the decision that by the time I turn 40, I will no longer seek out a relationship. For one thing—even though I do meet plenty of people—I no longer believe that I will ever find someone who truly loves me. Furthermore, at 40, I feel far too old to start a new relationship—or, for that matter, to have a first one. I am just so tired of the whole thing; enough is enough. I simply need a place where I can vent a little. At the same time, I’m dreading the date itself, as I’ll be turning 40 early next January.

Also, no I am neither asexual nor am I unable to gain feelings for someone.

I (23F) was meant to meet a guy today at 8pm. He even texted me to confirm like an hour before. He said he was on his way and I messaged him that I was waiting inside. He didn’t reply so I waited 10 minutes and asked if he was coming…still no reply. I left after 45 minutes, a couple glasses of wine, and then sent a message saying “I hope everything is okay, if it is then it would’ve been much kinder to be honest than to leave me waiting.” I then blocked and unmatched him. He seemed so enthusiastic too. He picked the place keeping in mind what I said I liked in my profile, offered to pick me up, etc.

All of my pics from my bumble are taken from the last 3-4 months and I look the same, and he was ID verified. So neither of us are catfish (I think). I went into the date super confident and feeling hot, and left feeling like a complete idiot and humiliated. My confidence definitely took a huge hit. So much so that after dating since April I deleted all of the apps after getting home.

I spent a couple hours crying and genuinely confused on how someone could do that to a person. I’d rather him have sent me a stupid excuse than to act like he was on his way and have me there in a bar full of people looking lost.

This really threw me for a loop and I’m giving up on dating for a while 😔 It took me from feeling confident and happy exploring no matter what happens, to feeling like I’m never going to find my person and it’s not in the cards for me. I know this is a common thing, how did you guys get past it without taking it personal? I know nothing is wrong with me and it’s not my fault, but I’m still like wow

Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit

EDIT- He deleted my contact this morning, which you can see on WhatsApp. So he’s alive and well

I (mid-20s F) have been dating a guy for a little while and would love some brutally honest advice because I genuinely can't tell whether I'm overthinking or ignoring something that doesn't add up.

We've been on 4 dates past few weeks, and so far he's been great. He's planned and paid for every date, texted me really consistently and been very keen to see me. He's always made an effort to arrange the next date, and his actions have given me very little reason to doubt his interest. He’s a very outgoing and gregarious guy. I would have liked more deep chats but it’s still early and overall things have felt like they're progressing naturally, and I thought we were on the same page.

Recently, we spent the night together and things became more physical. We didn't have penetrative sex, but we were naked together did a lot of stuff. This was quite a big step for me, as I'm dating with the intention of finding a relationship and generally prefer to wait until I'm in an official relationship before having sex.

He texted me normally after leaving in the morning and carried on engaged and asking questions. But 2 days later, I noticed his Hinge profile had changed. He originally had his relationship intention set to long-term, but it now says "short-term, open to long". Also a photo had been changed.

I asked him about it over text, and he said his friend had changed it while they were out together and they were having a discussion about what to write. When I asked for more details because I genuinely didn't understand what he meant, he didn't really elaborate. He also hasn't changed it back. I’ve now stopped replying as his responses were so vague and blunt, he hasn’t followed up since yesterday (usually he’s quick at texting).

I can think of innocent explanations. Maybe his friend really did change it, or perhaps they were joking around. But why change it from long-term to short-term open to long in the first place? And if it genuinely wasn't his choice, why leave it that way? The fact that this happened just after we'd been intimate is making me question whether something shifted for him after that night.

What's confusing is that he's otherwise shown consistent interest and texted normally until I questioned him about his Hinge update. And he’s been putting in effort from the beginning, so I don't know whether to trust his actions towards me or pay more attention to what his profile now says.

For context, I'm not expecting exclusivity after a handful of dates, and I know we're not in a relationship. But I am dating intentionally, and I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone who is ultimately looking for something casual. I also don't want to be naive and make excuses for something that might be telling me exactly what I need to know.

So should I just move on and air him? Or give benefit of the doubt? I still don't even know if I'm seeing him next week now as he didn't confirm or deny when I asked him.

TDLR - dated guy for few weeks, 4th date got intimate, 2 days later his hinge had changed from looking for long-term to short-term, I called him out and he gave vague response - what do I do?

Seriously. Not because I'm suggesting you go gay, but because I think it could actually help your self-esteem.

If you're an average-looking guy, dating apps can make you feel downright undesirable. Barely any matches, no attention, and eventually you start thinking there's something wrong with your looks.

Try setting Tinder to men for a day, or making a profile on a gay dating app. You'll probably be surprised by how much attention you get.

The point is that there's nothing fundamentally undesirable about you or the male body. Women are simply much more selective than men when it comes to physical attraction.

Don't let a lack of female attention convince you that you're ugly.