My boyfriend (28M) makes $314,000 a year and I (27F) make $94,000 a year. His family lives in another country and he asked me to go with him to visit them and offered to buy my flight. This would be a 10 day trip and we aren’t seeming to agree on how to split things like a rental car/hotels, etc. in my opinion, splitting things based off proportion of our shared income seems most fair. He is a much more bougie fancy person than me and I am definitely more simple and don’t need nicer hotels/experiences.

Splitting expenses based off our combined income, would result in him paying 77% and me paying 23%.

He thinks splitting big purchases proportionately based off percentage of our shared income is unfair because he owns a house so he has a mortgage that is higher than what I pay and rent for my apartment. He is also working two jobs and says he’s worried he could lose one at any time so he shouldn’t have to pay so much.

When I brought up a splitting things proportionately, he also mentioned if we were to do that he would want to split absolutely everything including any dates we go on, getting takeout when we hang out, etc. Which I feel like would take the romance out of a date. If I ask him on a date or wanna take him somewhere, I would pay in full the same way he would taking me on a date.

I would love some advice here.

I know I must sound like such a grinch, but this has gotten to the point where I can’t say quite literally anything without him making a “joke” of some sort. I mean things like I’ll be driving to his place and ask if he wants anything from Taco Bell and he’ll say something like “I’ll taco your bell.” And a one off is fine, but it’s like the entire conversation everything I say he makes a bad joke. I’m on the spectrum, and I have to mask all day every day at work, and I’m just tired of having to mask with my partner too. I don’t want to have to fake laugh at 5 bad jokes during every 2 minute long conversation anymore. I used to laugh or giggle every time to make him happy, but I genuinely just don’t have the energy for it anymore for every conversation. When I don’t laugh, he says I’m angry, or I’m in a bad mood, etc. And then he becomes in a bad mood to “match” me, but I wasn’t in a bad mood, I just want to be able to have one conversation without constantly fake laughing at things I don’t think are funny. I asked him to please stop joking at everything I say, but that just came across as me being mean and he shut down and now I feel bad.

Obviously if it fits the conversation, or is an actual joke, then it’s fine and I think it’s funny and I laugh. But a lot of it is equivalent to the same corporate “humor” I deal with all day at work. I don’t know how to explain this to him without sounding like I’m calling him unfunny. He can be a funny person, it’s just that not everything has to be forced into a “joke.”

I'm looking for honest advice from people who have experienced something similar or have an outside perspective. I'm not looking for people to automatically tell me to divorce her or that everything is going to be okay. I want to understand my situation clearly and figure out what to do next.

My wife (24F) and I (26M) have been together for several years, and I love her deeply. I always imagined spending the rest of my life with her. We've had our share of relationship problems, but over the past several months, things have gotten significantly worse.

It started when she began spending time with coworkers, including a particular male coworker. Initially, I wasn't told the full truth about who would be there or what was happening. There were multiple occasions where I found out afterward that other men had been present when I'd been told it would just be her and her female friend. There were also nights when she drank more than she'd said she would, stopped answering her phone for hours, or gave me explanations that didn't add up.

I want to be clear that I understand my wife is an adult and can have friends of any gender. I'm not saying that being friends with men is automatically wrong, and I recognize that my anxiety and the way I've reacted during arguments haven't always helped our relationship. I've been working on communicating better, managing my temper, and trying not to let my fears control my reactions.

However, there has been a history of dishonesty in our relationship, including a previous incident involving another man. Because of that history, these new situations were particularly difficult for me.

The male coworker became a recurring source of conflict. I noticed deleted messages and conversations, and I eventually found out that my wife had messaged him about having a sexual dream involving him. She insisted nothing was going on between them.

Over time, I tried repeatedly to explain that the issue wasn't simply her going out with friends. It was the dishonesty, the lack of communication, and the feeling that we would have serious conversations about rebuilding trust, only for similar situations to happen again shortly afterward.

We agreed that we needed to work on our marriage, communicate better, and give me time to rebuild trust. There were periods when things seemed to improve, and I genuinely believed we were making progress.

But our arguments followed a familiar pattern. I would explain how hurt and exhausted I felt, she would sometimes become defensive or threaten to leave, and eventually we would calm down, apologize generally, and move forward. Unfortunately, many of the underlying issues never seemed to get resolved.

There are other problems in our marriage, too. We struggle with sharing household responsibilities, spending intentional time together, and communicating without arguments escalating. During conflicts, she's said hurtful things, including that she hates me or wishes she had never been with me. Those statements have affected my sense of security in the relationship. I also recognize that I've contributed to our conflict and have things I need to work on myself.

Recently, things seemed to be getting better. We had started spending time with friends together, had several serious conversations, and agreed that we both wanted to improve our marriage.

Then she sat me down and confessed something I wasn't prepared for.

She told me that she has feelings for this male coworker. She said she had been confiding in him about everything while I was working night shifts and wasn't around. She told me that she cares about him and loves him.

She says nothing physical or sexual has happened and that she wants to stay married to me and work on our relationship. However, she hasn't been willing to tell me much more about the connection.

Given the previous dishonesty, I'm struggling to know what to believe. I don't want to accuse her of something I can't prove, but I also don't know how to trust her account when I've repeatedly learned important information after the fact.

What hurts the most is that I've spent months pouring my heart out to her, explaining how afraid I am of losing our marriage, and trying to figure out how we can fix things. I've questioned myself, changed my behavior, and tried to become a better partner. All the while, she was developing feelings for the very person I was worried about.

I understand that people don't always choose who they develop feelings for. I'm not necessarily blaming her for the initial feeling. What I struggle with is the emotional closeness, the secrecy, and the fact that this happened while we were supposedly trying to rebuild our relationship.

When she told me, I couldn't continue the conversation. I had to walk away and go for a walk just to clear my head.

Now I'm questioning everything.

I still love her. A huge part of me wants to save our marriage and build the future we always talked about. But another part of me is exhausted. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one initiating the difficult conversations, trying to repair things, and asking for changes that don't seem to last.

I don't know whether I can rebuild trust with her again. I don't know whether I even want to try anymore, or whether I'm just terrified of losing the person I've spent so many years loving.

I also don't want to make a life-changing decision while I'm hurt and emotional. I want to be fair to both of us, but I need to be fair to myself, too.

For those who have experienced something similar, I'd appreciate honest answers to a few questions:

1. Would you consider this emotional infidelity, given what I've described? Or is there important context I'm missing?
2. If your spouse developed feelings for someone else while you were trying to repair your marriage, what would you need from them to consider rebuilding trust?
3. Is it reasonable to expect her to establish firm boundaries with this coworker if she genuinely wants to save our marriage, even if they still have to interact at work?
4. How do you distinguish between a marriage that is going through a difficult period and one where you're the only person consistently trying to fix things?
5. If you were in my position, would you try to rebuild the marriage, take some time apart, or seriously consider ending it?

I'm not looking for validation just because I'm the person writing this. If I'm handling parts of this poorly, I want to hear that, too. I know I have my own issues to work on.

I love my wife, and I never wanted our marriage to reach this point. But I also don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling anxious, questioning what's true, and wondering whether I'm enough for the person I'm married to.

How would you approach this situation, and what would you do next if you were in my position?

I’m 14 weeks pregnant. This is my first pregnancy. It wasn’t planned. The father is a friend who I’ve had sex with occasionally. We get along great and are compatible sexually but I don’t think we’re necessarily meant to be in a relationship.

After finding out I was pregnant, we did a lot of talking and thinking about it and decided to have the baby and co-parent. We’ve become pretty happy about it, actually. It’s definitely not how either of us envisioned becoming parents but we’ve both decided we want the baby.

We’ve told our friends and families over the past 1.5 weeks or so. Most think it’s a bad decision. Some people are supportive, but I’d say that most of the people I’m closest to, like my immediate family, aren’t quite on board with the idea yet.

My family thinks I’ll be left alone with a baby once he finds somebody he wants to settle down with. He has t really been the settling down type up to now. He’s very loyal to friends and family and those who are important to him, so I don’t question him committing to a child. He’s just not been ready to settle down with one woman for very long yet.

He and I are 5 years apart. I’ll be 39 by the time the baby is here and he’ll be 34. I think a lot of people mistake his very free spirited attitude toward life as immaturity, and he tends to sort of just jump head first into everything, is the type to say yes to things way more than no. He just does what he wants and doesn’t care so much about what others expect of him. I love that about him. I want my child to be more like that than like me. I’m somebody who always makes decisions based on what’s expected or what will cause the least amount of drama. He can be responsible. He has 2 degrees. He can be serious when he needs to be.

His family seems to think I have some sort of ulterior motive, plus why would he want to have a baby with me, a woman who is nearly 40?

We think it’ll be a good thing. Each of us have important qualities we want in another parent for a potential child. We’ve talked about it. There’s no drama between us.

We’ll continue to maintain separate homes, although he’ll stay with me for a while immediately after the baby is born so he can be fully involved.

I know it’s unconventional. I always thought I’d have a baby within a committed relationship, likely a marriage. I’ve never felt certain about having a baby with any man I’ve ever been in a real committed relationship with, but I feel good about this now.

He’s much less bothered by everyone’s opinions. Of course he’d like his family to be completely on board, but he’s not about to let their opinions change his mind.

I know having a baby is a huge decision, and I’m not pretending that being friends automatically makes us good co-parents or that this will all be easy.

I do think the lines of our relationship have started to become more blurry though. I feel
like I am sometimes thinking of him as being more than a co-parent. I’m not saying I think I’m in love with him. I mean it more like I think I’m starting to depend on him and treat him like he’s more than a friend and co-parent. We continue to have sex, more now than before. For the health and safety of the baby, we are not having sex with others during the pregnancy.

I think maybe we need to have something ground rules or an agreement on expectations of how this will all work moving forward to prevent it from getting messy. I’m finally starting to realize it might not be as simple as I thought it would be, but I also think we’re not about to back out of our decision either.

How do we create a stable co-parenting arrangement when we plan to live separately but expect to share a lot of emotional and practical responsibility?

I’ve been dating my gf for 3 years. Mostly relationship is good but there are big ups and downs (she has BPD, anxiety , depression) and I can be avoidant in the relationship when things get bad.

Things have mainly been good the last year. But the other day I was wfh and went to the bathroom and could hear my gf speaking with her best friend (they can speak hours a day on the phone and tell each other almost everything.) when I was about to open the door I stopped because I could hear them talking about me.

I overheard them talking about messages I had been speaking to my best friend about on Facebook. All of a sudden things clicked and I realised that she has been doing this for 2+ years. She must go through it every time I shower

Throughout the relationship she has had huge problems with friends of mine that are woman. And if I’m ever messaging them (nothing remotely flirty or sexual generally about work or maybe organising dinner with a group of mutual friends) she would bring up this girl and essentially quiz or test me, seeing if I would lie based off of why she read. I would of course be suspicious and sometimes I would purposely lie to make her tell the truth that she read messages but she would always gaslight me saying it was intuition or she could tell by the way I acted , or my face etc and although I was suspicious I would move on.

Anyway hearing how blatantly she was speaking about it with her friend was a slap in the face. Maybe I knew she would read the messages here and there in my gut but the huge extent of it blew me away. Like she has probably read all my messages on my Facebook and sms since they began, and obviously has found nothing sinister because I actually don’t have anything to hide (however that isn’t the point).

I feel a little sick about it all. I know it’s due to insecurity but to also be just spilling everything to her best friend about mine and my friends banter or gossip is so weird to me is so invasive, like my private convos are some type of amusement for them.

I’ve been avoiding her for about a week now and no idea what I should say, I’m scared if we get into a conversation about it I will end in us breaking up and honestly I do really love her.

Any advice is appreciated, if people have been on similar situations how did you resolve it, or if not resolution how did you break up ?

I’m 25F, and my boyfriend (27M) and I have been together for six years. Overall, we have a good relationship, and we don’t have many serious issues between us. However, I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about his family lately, and a recent argument has left me questioning how we move forward.

About 2.5 years ago, I had a falling-out with his sister (32F) and her husband (35M) after his graduation party.

For context, my mom is a Muslim immigrant who doesn’t condone dating. At the time, I was living with her and financially dependent on her, so I wasn’t comfortable telling her the full extent of my relationship. She had met my boyfriend and had her suspicions, but I wasn’t ready to have that conversation. My mom can also be violent, so I had legitimate reasons for being cautious. His family knew some of this.

After the graduation party, I found out that his sister had been talking about my relationship with my mom to other people who were still there. She apparently described our relationship as being like a teenager’s relationship and questioned why my boyfriend didn’t stand up to my mom.

I was embarrassed and hurt because these were people I had just met, and I felt like something very personal was being discussed behind my back. I sent his sister and her husband a long message explaining how I felt and saying I would have preferred that they speak to me directly if they had concerns.

The situation escalated into a big argument. I can admit that I was emotional and could have handled things differently. I eventually apologized for my reaction, and they apologized as well, but I never felt like the original issue was fully resolved. Their apologies seemed more focused on how I reacted than on what had upset me in the first place.
Since then, things have been civil. I’ve visited their house a couple of times, and we can be around each other without an obvious issue, but I’ve never felt completely comfortable around them again.

There have also been smaller incidents over the years that have contributed to my discomfort, including jokes about me converting to Catholicism and comments about my relationship with my mom.

One year, they told me they had gotten me a birthday gift but couldn’t find it because they were moving. They said they would give it to me once they settled in, but I never received it, despite having given them both gifts that year. I realize this is minor in the grand scheme of things, but it’s one of several interactions that have stuck with me.
Fast-forward to this past weekend. I went back to New York, and my boyfriend’s sister and her husband announced that they were pregnant. I genuinely congratulated them and was happy for them. I was trying to move forward and put the past behind us.

We have a group chat that has existed for about a year and a half. We don’t use it constantly, but we had been talking in it that weekend. I went to send a message thanking everyone for the weekend and asking whether people had received an invitation to another family member’s upcoming wedding. That’s when I realized his sister had removed me from the group chat.

When he asked her about it, she said she had removed me because they were discussing dinner plans that didn’t involve me. She also claimed she had just added me on Sunday. However, the group chat had existed since October, so I pointed that out to him. He then got upset on my behalf and told her to apologize to me or her wouldn’t speak to her.

She tried calling me, but I didn’t want to talk at that moment. It was late, I was upset, and I had studying to do. I also remembered the previous phone conversation where I felt like she and her husband had ganged up on me. I told my boyfriend I wanted to wait until I had calmed down because I didn’t want another argument.

My boyfriend told me that his sister wanted to talk right away, so I eventually joined the call even though I didn’t feel ready. They were all together in person and I was on a call as I came back home just yesterday across the country for classes I needed to attend.

The conversation lasted about an hour. Whenever I brought up something that had bothered me, I felt like it was dismissed, denied, or explained away. Her husband is a therapist, and he repeatedly told me that he felt sorry for me because what I was describing wasn’t reality. He also allegedly made hand gestures while I was speaking that made me feel like he wasn’t taking me seriously. This was according to comments I heard from my boyfriend telling him to not do that in the background of the call and him defending himself saying he “talks with his hands”.

At one point, I told him not to gaslight me. He responded that he wasn’t gaslighting me and that this was simply how he talked. I eventually made a snarky comment that I felt sorry for his patients. I recognize that this was disrespectful and didn’t help the conversation.

The argument continued to escalate, and in the middle of everything, her husband apparently put his hands on my boyfriend and told him to shut the fuck up. At one point I don’t even remember because everything was just so emotionally driven by all parties, everyone was yelling, and I eventually couldn’t make out what people were saying, so I hung up.

What has stayed with me is that throughout the entire hour-long phone call, neither his sister nor her husband apologized to me once. I left feeling like I had spent an hour explaining why I was hurt without getting anywhere.

Afterward, I texted his sister and said I was willing to continue the conversation if we could speak calmly. I explained that I was willing to believe they hadn’t intended to hurt me, but there had been a pattern of things that bothered me, and I couldn’t keep ignoring how I felt. I also said that if our relationship changed as a result, I could accept that. We could be civil without being involved in each other’s lives.
She never responded.

My boyfriend later spoke with them. He defended me and said he understood why I felt the way I did, but he also said I should have answered their calls instead of avoiding the conversation. I understand his perspective, although I had specifically told him I wasn’t ready to talk and was worried about things escalating.

Her husband apologized for putting his hands on my boyfriend, but I haven’t heard an apology for how I was treated or for the concerns I raised.
Right now, I don’t want to have a relationship with either of them. I don’t want to call his sister to reconcile, and I would prefer to go no contact personally. I don’t want another cycle of trying to explain my feelings and leaving the conversation more upset than when I started.

The difficult part is that my boyfriend is in a complicated position. His mom has passed away, his dad is getting older, and his sister is essentially his only immediate family. I know how important she is to him, and I feel terrible that this situation is hurting him.

I don’t think I can reasonably expect him to cut off his sister. However, I also don’t want him to maintain a friendship with her husband after what happened. They sometimes golf together when we’re back in New York, and the thought of that continuing bothers me.

I’m also worried about how this will affect my relationship with the extended family. I’m not married to my boyfriend yet, and I worry that his sister and her husband will share their version of events and that other relatives will see me as the girlfriend who is causing problems or trying to separate him from his family.

This has made me question what our future would look like. I’m 25, and I want to get married and have children someday. I think about holidays, birthdays, family gatherings, and whether I’ll always feel like an outsider. I imagine my future kids having an aunt and uncle with whom I have a strained or nonexistent relationship, and I wonder how that would affect our family dynamic.

Part of me thinks I could find someone whose family genuinely welcomed me and avoid this stress. Another part of me feels guilty for even thinking that way because my boyfriend hasn’t created this situation, and our relationship is otherwise good. I love him, and I believe he can support me and respect my boundaries. I don’t want him to lose his only sister, especially after losing his mom.

I also know I haven’t handled everything perfectly. I can be emotional when I’m hurt, my original message years ago was probably longer than it needed to be, and my comment about her husband’s patients was unnecessary. I’m willing to acknowledge my part, but I don’t know how to move forward when I feel like the underlying issues have never been resolved.

I’m not expecting everyone in a family to get along perfectly, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dreading family gatherings or feeling like I have to defend myself.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have navigated difficult in-law relationships or been in a similar position.

How do you establish boundaries with a partner’s family without putting your partner in the middle? How do you handle it when you want distance from someone your partner considers immediate family? And how do you decide whether a family conflict is something you can work around long term or something that could eventually affect your relationship?

I’m trying to figure out what a healthy way forward would look like for both of us, because I love my boyfriend, but I’m struggling to picture what our future would look like with this unresolved tension.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been together for six years, but I’ve had a strained relationship with his sister (32F) and her husband (35M) for about 2.5 years. After a recent disagreement about being removed from a family group chat, we had an hour-long phone call where I felt repeatedly dismissed, and neither of them apologized to me. During the argument, her husband put his hands on my boyfriend. I admittedly made a snarky comment that I could have handled better, but I left the conversation feeling like nothing was resolved. I now want to go no contact with both of them, but my boyfriend’s mom has passed away, his dad is getting older, and his sister is essentially his only immediate family. I don’t want to ask him to cut off his sister, but I also don’t want him maintaining a friendship with her husband. I love my boyfriend and our relationship is otherwise good, but I’m worried about what this means for marriage, future kids, and family gatherings. How do we navigate this without putting our relationship in the middle of a family conflict?

My (20m) bf (18m) got drunk and suddenly turned really rough during sex, vomiting on my bed afterwards. I really don't know what to think about it.

I'll try to keep it as short as possible. So my boyfriend and me went to a birthday party last weekend. On the way there he already stated that he wanted to get fucked up. Over the course of 4 or 5 hours he got pretty drunk. All was well and we went home. Eventually we ended up having sex, and he suddenly turned pretty rough. I have pretty long hair, so I had it tied up. He ripped the hairband out of my hair. He then proceeded to smack me in my face multiple times during the act. one time knocking out the hearing in my left ear. This is something we usually never do. He also started choking me so hard that I passed out. The choking is something we agreed upon, but we normally do it in a gentle way. This was a lot rougher than normal. He also bit me multiple times, in a way that was pretty painful.

I didn't know what to do in the moment, I was kinda speechless so I let it happen.

After we were done he proceeded to vomit all over my bed and floor, which I cleaned up for the most part.

I really don't know what to do with this. I told him the day after and made it clear I really didn't like what he did. The day after that I got a long text explaining how sorry he is, and that he feels extremely ashamed, yada yada.

Is this some warning sign? I've seen him drunk plenty of times over the course of almost 2 years, but never in a mood like this. Overall he was in a very weird mood, very unlike him. I don't think he wanted to actually hurt me, but I'm kinda lost...

tl:dr

Bf got drunk, went way past my boundaries and threw up on my bad. Now I'm not sure what next step to take.

Update: it's now day 3 of no contact from my bf (oct 25 we had a phone call he ended). He stopped replying to my texts and has posted IG stories of enjoying a day off camping yesterday.

Disagreement: he told me I should pay for him and I to go on a faraway vacation. He makes 10% of what I make (he lives in a poorer country), but I still dont make much. He keeps telling me how to spend my money: need to lend him thousands for his visa application to my country, ive paid for my flights & our accommodation for our last 2 visits. I think its fair I pay proportionately more for our visits to maintain our relationship. But feeling entitled to ask me for a luxury vacation when I wouldnt even send myself there anytime soon feels crazy to me? Made me feel like he sees me as a sugar mama, though he knows I'm not rich 🤣 It's about the entitled attitude.

I said this and he pulled back affection, and he has a pattern of hanging up, withdrawing affection, silent treatment when mad or when I dont do what he wants (sexually, or even when he felt entitled to a small object of mine). I pointed this out and thats when he ended the phone call and disappeared.

I cant tell if its punishment, shame, or he's done and afraid to say so.

Hes also had some controlling and double standard patterns. He is highly defensive, blame shifts, has used contempt language (called me a joy killer, selfish, disgusting) when I've never called him names. He lied about being STI tested (and still refuses to do it!). He hung up on me when I wouldnt do what he wanted for a sex fantasy and only called me back when I agreed to comply (months later I brought it up and he said ya that was wrong).

I know I'm not selling him well, but we've had a strong connection and he's been like my best friend. I love him a lot.

But i also know the relationship is not healthy, I've self abandoned and excused his behavior too much.

He's never gone more than 4 hours without contact, so ghosting for 3 days is a new level of hurt and disrespect.

But it also makes me clearer I need to leave and less guilty about doing it. I think i feel numb right now. Ive spent over a year second guessing myself and whats normal.

Every single month I (44M) have to ask my partner (40 F) to send her half of the bills to me. We’ve have many conversations about it, we have a shared calendar with reminders set up. I don’t know how to approach this any gentler than I have.

She makes me feel like such an ahole when I have to gently ask her to remember to transfer money over. She’s made comments in the past like “relax landlord, I’ll send it” which she claims are jokes but they just make me feel bad about myself. I’ve even mentioned that her reactions make me feel like shit and that I hate having to ask. We’ve been together for almost 10 years, living together for 6.

How can I get her prioritize this so I don’t have to ask every month?

My wife and I have been married for four years, and we’ve been together for almost ten years in total. Before getting married, we discussed having children, and it was something we both wanted. However, now she says that she doesn’t want to have kids and that it’s her body and her choice.
I feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot and made many compromises for our relationship, and now I’m struggling to process the possibility that one of the biggest things I’ve dreamed of in life may never happen. After spending almost ten years together and building a life around our shared plans for the future, I feel lost, disappointed, and hopeless. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward, because I love her, but I also have dreams and hopes for my own future that matter to me.

Should we part our ways because it’s a deal breaker for me?

My gf 31 Fand I 30 Mhave been dating for three years. We just moved from the West Coast to the Northeast. We had been talking about getting married for a while and decided last weekend to finally go ring shopping.

The night before we had a date night and everything was great. After a few drinks we grabbed some pizza and began walking home. Within 5 minutes she brought up an issue she had with me from a month ago and began getting upset. I disagreed with her point, but said I’m happy to talk more about it bc I didn’t realize she was so upset. She hated that and then wound up and hit me in the heart (literally) as hard as possible. Shocked I walked to the other side of the street. She then began YELLING “don’t ever try to propose to me bc I will never say yes”.

We got home at different times and she was still livid. Screaming cruel things to me. I don’t yell back bc I know better and I tell her to go to bed.

She wakes up the next morning so apologetic, that she didn’t mean anything and she has no idea why she said those things.

For context. She’s hit me in the past (not as hard) and I’ve told her so many times how much I don’t like it. Shes a former D1 athlete and is pretty strong. I am not a small guy I just don’t like being hit regardless of intent (which I don’t think is that crazy). She’s told me I’m over reacting before and we brush it off until it happens again.

But this time was different. The look in her eye said she really wanted to inflict damage. Even as I’m writing this 4 days later my heart literally aches, I think she bruised a muscle.

I don’t know what to do. I love her but I’m just so scared this is going to happen again and I’ll feel like such an idiot for allowing it. She promises it won’t. She feels so upset with herself. She swears she’s going to minimize her drinking and work on it. It’s the most apologetic I’ve ever seen her with anything.

I added that we were going ring shopping the next day to see if anyone knows if it correlates. Is she self destructing? Or is this her real self trying to blow this up before we take the next step?

I am too embarrassed to ask my friends so I’m turning to Reddit. Has anyone had something like this happen to them? Whatd you do? If you stayed with them how do you rebuild that trust of safety you had?

I don’t want to leave her but there’s this voice that’s screaming, “This is a red flag”. Any advice would be great.

In the last few years there are long periods of peace and quiet and then something dramatic happens, which by now is clear pattern to me... And it happened again, only this time it was very extreme as we were already planning our wedding, when to have kids, where to move next year, etc.

Recently I had my 28th birthday. I invited my gf(with whom I have been together for 10 years) to my mom's apartment to celebrate. And at first it all went well. At some point my gf stood up, said she had "problems" and that she needed to go. WE begged her to stay, but she refused. I tried to ask her multiple times what had happened, etc, but it didnt work - instead she just spoke to me with an angry tone.

Fast forward 1 week later I land in this foreign country we both live in. She meets me at the airport and tells me immediately that we aren't together anymore, that she gave her notice for her work and the apartment we live in(we have 2 separate contracts as it is divided in two) and that one month from now she is going back to our hometown to live with her parents(we were planning to move back to our hometown to live together from early 2027 - even though she claims she doesn't remember...). I can understand ending a relationship normally, but not the way she did it. I asked her for a reason, because it all started since my birthday party and why we didn't even have a conversation about this. The reason is that my mother called her a "guest" two times and that the dogs are more playful than usual when it is just me and my mom, because there is another person there. "Calling me a guest is one of the worst things she could have said about me"??? I told her that she didn't mean it this way and that I myself am a guest. She also spoke to her mom, who told her to leave her job, apartment and me out of the blue to live with her...

Since 2022 she has had these mentally unstable moments. I helped her because I knew that after that she would come back and even if she had broken up with me, I knew it wasn't really... her. And that happened after about one month. But then it happened again in 2025. I again told myself, full of hope, that this too shall pass and we will be better prepared next time. And it did... again after about one month. But now it happens again and is more extreme. I again saw the signs of very little sleep and being tired all the time. The last two days it has gotten even worse as she has started doing strange stuff like clearing the apartment from evil spirits and energies, changing stories from the past to fit her narrative. I am doing my best to help her reduce her stress so she can hopefully sleep better.

But I need advice on how to get over this. I need to take care of me. Any similar experiences you can share with me or any steps you can suggest? It hurts a lot, because of the way and why she broke up with me. I know if she approaches me again whenever she is normal it will be hard for me to say no, but I guess this will be the best for me in the long-term. I just need to accept that despite my best efforts (and I feel like I have done much more than is expected of me) it just cannot work out in the long run. My brain says that it is a cycle, which will repeat and I have already done evreything I could and need to move on.

Just celebrated my 3 (plus 10 years) wedding anniversary, spending the day with my husband and 11 month old baby. My husband didn’t initiate any hugs, kisses or hand holding and made me realize we have completely lost physical intimacy with each other. We frequently have sex but it also doesn’t feel very intimate and never realized these are separate things.

We talked a little at night and then later realized I think we lost this long before our child and have had a very successful roommate relationship.

I have been struggling a bit emotionally post partem and this revelation makes me deeply sad.

I would love advice from people experiencing something similar or from people who have restored lost intimacy.

TL; DR: Lack of intimacy apparent on anniversary

I've been pretty busy with my life and haven't had time to date. I'll play around with a dating app or two but only find people who want to just hook up. These days I've been finishing up my graduation project and it's finally due in like 24 hours (yay freedom!) I finally have time to looking for someone to date.

As fate might be, a week or so ago I went to my friends bday party and there walked in this guy. I instantly thought he was cute. At the party, I actually kinda tried to ignore him until my the bday girl literally said "you guys are my two gay twink friends so be friends." Then I found out he's also graduating and doing a project thats due soon.

After two days, we ended up going to a 24 hr Cafe where I got to get to know him better. Honestly I like him because he's just as strange as I am and artistic. He's also just a ray of sunshine like my friend described him. After that... yeah I tried hanging out with him a lot. We went to that Cafe 3 times. I went to his bar. Then, when he couldn't meet up cuz he was exhausted, we unintentionally called for like hours.

It's only been like 2ish weeks and I just don't understand how I clicked with someone so fast. I have no idea how he feels about me. He recently had a pretty bad ex and idk if he's even ready to date. At this point I want to just tell him and get it over with. But he's busy doing his graduation project until 2 weeks. Idk if liking someone this quickly is a bad sign.

In all honesty I have v low self esteem when it comes to me liking ppl. Rejection still hurts for me and I haven't had much dating experience. (Actually him too). I told my friend who introduced me and she didn't encourage or unencouraged me to pursue him. Also I dont know how to tell him.

I don’t want to ramble on, but I’m not sure how else to go about this for the reader to get the full nuances without being too specific.

Husband (36M) and I (25F) met around the time I was 22, fresh out of an abusive relationship. (Less than two weeks post breaking up/ blocking my ex). We fell in love very quickly, and got engaged and married/ lived together by the end of year 2.

The problem arises in the fact that he is repeating the same mistakes as he made with his first wife, whom he “amicably” divorced with (she sought for divorce, he did not agree.)

Except for managing our incomes/ bills, I take care of everything else.

I had a breakdown eventually, working a full time job and taking care of full grown man, and things got better.

The problem herein lies that I let it go too far, and harbor too much resentment…

He is not the man I met. Or at least, I ignored all the red flags.

My main fear is this:
I don’t love him.
Yes, he gets better, and yes, he loads the dishwasher when I am literally at my breaking point. But I still have all these feelings, and I don’t know where to put them. I feel evil, I feel like i haven’t tried hard enough. I also feel lonely, and have been carrying this burden alone. We talked about it, and the conclusion was that I should communicate more and better than I have previously. (That is true, I have held things in too long)

But how to I walk these feelings back? How do we go back??

We’ve had a dead bedroom since before we married, but got significantly worse after. I often feel unwanted. The solution for that was for me to initiate, as the one who survived an abusive relationship…

I don’t think his incompetence is malicious. I don’t think he doesn’t want me- I just think I denied him too many times in my healing that he just can’t stand to be rejected, and thus doesn’t initiate. I make him feel good when he asks, and that is the extent of our sexual relationship unless we’re both drunk.

I defend him all day, and I curse him all day too. It’s been a war I’ve been fighting with myself- and I just feel like he keeps putting the responsibility on solely me to fix it. And it’s unfair..

TL;DR: Through his severe dependence on me, I have held in resentment towards my husband, which has corroded my feelings/ our marriage. My question is: how do we fix this? Can this be fixed? Should we get counseling involved? Etc, etc.

I am rushing to write all my feelings of years down before I have to be home- so sorry about any confusion.

We are both new to the team, she joined a few weeks before I did. There was no intention in my end to hit on her, I just wanted to be friendly with everyone in the workplace, it just so happened that she was one of the ones that I vibed with the best. As time progressed, I started to see her as someone that I can date and I believe the feeling is mutual (her hints aren’t that subtle lol). I won’t be staying at this job forever and neither is she, so my initial plan was to ride it out and keep a safe distance until one of us decides to leave. Once we aren’t on the same company and team anymore I’d then ask her out if I’m still interested at that point.

Lately though it feels like its been harder to keep that safe distance. I feel like she’s been crossing the line and being more than a friendly colleague and honestly I am not doing the best job of resisting (partly cz I dont rly want to). Dating in the workplace seems like a polarizing topic and I don’t want to make this a discussion of that, so I’ll just say that this is a can of worms that I do not want to open, I am not entertaining dating in the workplace. As long as we work together, we cannot be together because this is a boundary I am not comfortable crossing. I do like her and if one of us leaves then I’ll ask her out, but only till then.

How do I have this conversation with her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or sound like I’m leading her on. I feel like I have to let her know that the feeling is mutual because if not that’ll hurt her feelings (and I wont be completely honest if I keep that), but at the same time I don’t want to end up leading her on or have her hoping that it happens in the future if I tell her that the feeling is mutual.

We’ve been together for 19 months and things are generally great between us. We’ve actually been talking about getting married in the next year or so. It’s definitely the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been a part of.

When we first started dating, we would have sex every time we saw each other, multiple times a day. Granted, we would see each other only about once a week. Then a few months into our relationship, we started living together. Sex was pretty constant then, too. 2-3x a day, 5-7 days a week. Gradually, it turned into once a day, then eventually 4 times a week. I would say I initiate 80% of the time. Currently we’re living apart again because of work. But towards the end of our living together, I would almost always initiate and most of the time he would say no.

I would ask him why he almost always says no, and he would say that he doesn’t know, or that he’s stressed from work.

Now that we’re apart, we see each other twice a week. We almost always have sex when we’re together and he initiates a lot of the times. And the sex is the best it’s ever been since we started dating. But now, something else feels off. Whenever I flirt with him on the phone or make sexual jokes flirtatiously, he ignores me, or says “okay” in a sarcastic/flat tone. I opened up to him once that flirting over the phone my way of letting him know I still think about him sexually even when we’re apart, and that I would feel more sexually desired if he did the same, especially now that we’re apart. A day that conversation, he did try his best to flirt and be more sexual towards me over the phone, but after that day, he just went back to normal.

I recognize that I am a very sexual person and always in the mood for sex, and that he perhaps is not. I am also very verbal when it comes to sex and he might just not be. My issue is that this is genuinely discouraging me from expressing my sexual desire for him, and at times I even feel humiliated because of how he responds. I’ve opened this up multiple times to him, and he’s even expressed some fear that I might eventually break up with him because I would realize down the line that we’re too sexually incompatible. Are we? How do I navigate this incompatibility so that I don’t pressure him into having more sex with me or being more sexually expressive when he doesn’t want to, while still letting him know that this is a dealbreaker to me? I love this person very much and would definitely want to work this issue out. Please help.

Hi!

My (33F) last serious relationship was 8 years ago and I've always been a bit particular about relationships in general. I'm someone who greatly enjoys spending time alone, doing my own things, and I can easily feel suffocated in romantic relationships.

I've had a great time being single over the last 8 years (even hook ups and casual things I didn't have anything for the last 6 years too) and focusing on myself, but recently I met someone on Hinge that made me actually want to go on a date and get to know them.

He (32M) is great. We get along really well, we have a lot of things in common, he makes me laugh, he's very sweet, etc. The problem is me!

Ever since our first date, things have progressed really well to the point where we've actually made things official. The problem is, I feel like we spend too much time together and I didn't realize we did until I was away for a long weekend and then got sick and realized I reeeally missed being alone.

Suddenly, 1 month and a half later, it was like the illusion shattered and I realized how many things I missed doing. I was barely reading (I've always read a lot), writing, not really having the time to do anything in my free time. For context I also work a lot because I'm in a senior management role, and so after work I'm either catching up on chores, seeing friends (1-2x a week) or being with my boyfriend.

To make things worse, he always wants to be with me - we had a conversation early on in our relationship where I explained I haven't dated anyone for a long time and I really enjoy my time alone, and he said he completely understood and he was the exact same, but this is not what I see. If I say we can't be together one night he'll be messaging me telling me misses me already and that he really wants to just come and see me anyway; when I was sick he kept messaging me trying to understand when I'd be feeling better so we could see each other again, which I ended up telling him was not cool because I was feeling a little overwhelmed while sick and uncomfortable and just wanting to feel better.

I realize there's something wrong with me and I plan to talk about it in my next therapy session, but the thing is, I'm not sure how to keep my relationship going until then lol sudddenly I feel so detached and I don't know why because nothing changed other than me finally getting to spend some more time alone. I like him a lot but now I barely feel like being with him, and I feel terrible about it. He likes me so much, but I worry I don't like him enough to want to actually change my habits.

I do plan on speaking to him tonight and telling him I want us to see each other less, but on the other hand all I want to do is break up.

I suppose my question is: when do you know it's time to break up vs keeping a relationship going and potentially making things worse later on?

Thank you in advance.

Me (30F) and my partner (29M) have been dating for about a year. In that time, it has been a stressful year on both of us and we were doing long distance from Nov until September (him living an hour away, seeing me on the weekends, extra days, then him leaving over the summer on his internship and flying up a couple of times to visit me).

The sex at first was phenomenal. He was so caring, passionate, and felt loving. Even if I talked about sex with him he would correct me that it was more love-making thsn just sex (sorry if TMI lol), clearly there was a connection. We would do some wild stuff, and he would always finish and made sure I finished quickly, too.

Since coming back home, we ended up moving in together about an hour away. Even on his couple of summer visits I noticed he either didn't want to have sex with me, or couldn't stay hard with me, and I questioned him about it. He told me many years ago he had a messed up surgery in the military near his genitals and said it 'messed him up,' which I assumed means he has ED. When we had great sex, he had cock rings and was taking these things called honey packs?

Now, I can hardly get him to kiss me. I am lucky if we have sex once a week and, if we do, he goes soft with me. But what's weird is that any time he jerks off, he can finish himself off just fine in under a minute. I am not new to sex or anything, and don't consider myself bad in bed or unsexy by any means. But I have voiced to him several times that it makes me feel less desirable knowing that I can't finish him off anymore like I used to, and he would rather jerk off than have me do anything at all. I'm just like something to look st now while he does it alone instead, which takes away all romance and connection for me. It's hard being in the middle of something that feels phenomenal to me, only to have to abruptly stop because he went soft. I feel kind of shameful, and it makes me wonder that maybe it would be different if I had more of a pornstar body, or knew how to do like hotter moves. Every time we try something new, I enjoy it, but then he goes soft again.

Are there any tips you guys can give me? Is it maybe something about my appearance, or maybe I'm not trying enough different things with him? I am always super into it, and also may think that maybe me being too into it turns him off or something. We've talked about it, but it's always the same answer. Yet I'm getting a different outcome than months ago?

Sorry if this sounds stupid. I really adore him and just want help. I might be overthinking things, but sex is a really important connection to me, and I feel less valued to him now.

EDITED TO ADD because I was embarrassed to say: I am also 14 weeks pregnant with his child. The idea of us being sexually incompatible now sounds terrifying. I would if possible rather find solutions for this.

my boyfriend and i are planning to move in together, and he’s considering buying a house near his parents. i genuinely love the area and can picture myself living there. it’s also not that far [~40 mins] from my own family. she is also against my boyfriend buying house and would prefer us to rent. I don’t see the difference in outcome if things didn’t work out. he’d be on the title and i wouldn’t be bind to anything.

however, my mom has been making me feel guilty about it for months. she keeps comparing us to my brother and his wife, who chose to live halfway between both families. she seems to think i’m choosing my boyfriend’s family over hers and keeps bringing up how her feelings aren’t being considered.

i genuinely like his family, and i don’t see anything wrong with living near them. i also don’t understand why i have to make the same decisions as my siblings.

i’ve tried explaining myself countless times, but it feels like nothing i say is enough. what should be an exciting chapter in my life has become emotionally exhausting, and i’m starting to resent my mom. i feel like i’m responsible for everyone’s happiness except my own.

on top of all this, ive been helping her financially since she is a single mom. she made me delay my move until february because she needs to figure it out. i feel like ive been already sacrificing enough for her.

am i being unreasonable for wanting to live where i’m happy without feeling guilty? has anyone dealt with something similar, and how did you navigate it?

My partner(42M) and I(36F) have been together for almost 13 years. I was 23 when we met. He's put me through absolute hell throughout the years, and has done some unforgivable things to me. I should have left a LONG time ago, but I always stayed. Even fought and literally BEGGED for him to stay with me when he tried leaving me for another woman who worked at the coffee place he frequented(this was about 4 years ago). Long story, but basically she was just being nice and was interested in his friend, and was trying to hook my BF up with her unattractive, very overweight friend. He then wanted to stay with me when he realized her true intentions. Anyway...back In 2018 I gave birth to our son(our 2nd child together). My dad died 8 weeks after he was born. So between postpartum depression, and losing one of the most important people in my life, I was struggling DEEPLY. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Drained and hurting. He came home late from work one night, and was acting weird. I greeted him as normal, and tried to hug and kiss him and he acted like he was trying to not get too close to me and jumped right in the shower. I picked up his phone, and as soon as I open it, there was a picture of a womans v\*\*ina. It was his "best friends" girlfriend. I also learned that his friend was not home that night, and she was alone. I checked his Google maps a few days after fiding this picture, and he spent an hour there with her alone before coming straight home to me. Til this day idk if she sent the picture that I saw or if he took it himself. I reacted before I could investigate any further. I saw it and instantly freaked out, and he deleted it. Its a miracle I'm even still here and didn't KMS due to all of the surrounding circumstances, and what was thrown at me all at once during that time. Other women and what I believe was a "sex/porn addiction" caused MANY issues in our relationship over the years. Well, in the last year or so I've finally decided that I've had enough, and flat out told him that I can't take anymore, and one more mess up will be the end. I even went as far as to say "we can even be roomates for a short period, until we get the separation figured out. I don't care what happens. But the next time will be the last for me". I don't know what's changed in me, but i just can't keep doing this, and I honestly don't even think I'd have an emotional reaction to another one of his f\*ck ups. I would just be done, and somehow feel totally fine with that. But all of the BS has just...stopped. idk if maybe he's finally matured, or if he's scared of losing me, or maybe hes worried that he can't do better now...? And I know looks aren't everything, but I'm an attractive(and good)woman. Have been since I met him, and he knows it. I draw attention everywhere I go. I go to the gym, I take care of myself and my body. I dress nice, and almost always look "presentable". Ive never "let myself go"(I promise, I'm getting somewhere with this! Lol). Even at 36, I still look and feel VERY much in my prime. He, on the other hand, has gained a lot of weight, his teeth are barely hanging on. He has missing teeth, and the ones that he doee have are rotting away. And I'm not trying to dog his looks. It honestly doesn't change how \*I\* see him or feel about him. But it makes me wonder if \*he\* feels like he's let himself go so much atp that he'll just "settle" for me and stop messing around now. But after everything I've done for him, being the mother of his children, all the years I've stuck with him and always supported him and been the best woman I could to him...why don't I deserve your love and respect until you're physically at your worst? I know I can leave him whenever I want. But even after everything he's done to hurt me... I feel like just leaving would cause an immeasurable amount of guilt for me. So I'm wondering from a man's perspective...what do you think could have changed in him to suddenly make him not want to do what he's always done? And ladies... would you try to make it work if you felt he truly changed in this situation?

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I'm 18F, and my partner is 20M. We've been together for about a year, and our relationship has been very serious.

For some background, I was cheated on in my previous relationship. That experience significantly affected my self-confidence and ability to trust someone. Early in my current relationship, I explained my past experiences and how they affected me.

About two months into our relationship, I experienced some difficult circumstances, and my partner offered to let me move in with him. Since then, we've had a very close relationship. We've generally communicated well, resolved disagreements calmly, and had a lot of trust in each other.

Early on, we discussed our relationship boundaries and agreed that watching pornography was something we weren't comfortable with in our relationship. I understand that different couples have different boundaries, but this was something we had mutually agreed upon. I also explained how important honesty is to me, especially because dishonesty played such a significant role in my previous relationship.

We even developed a little "pinky promise" ritual because promises are meaningful to me, and I wanted to build a relationship where I felt secure in someone's word.

Occasionally, I would become suspicious when he hid his phone or seemed to monitor what I was doing on mine. When this happened, I would ask him if he was watching pornography or hiding anything from me. He repeatedly reassured me that he wasn't, sometimes making promises that he was telling the truth.

Last weekend, I used his phone to search for something on Google and noticed his search history. I discovered that he had been watching pornography on and off throughout our relationship. I became extremely upset and had a panic attack.

After we talked about it, he acknowledged that he had been doing this. He apologized and told me that he had wanted to tell me each time but hadn't.

I'm struggling with two separate things: the fact that a boundary we mutually agreed upon was crossed, and the fact that he repeatedly reassured me and made promises that weren't truthful. The second part has been especially difficult because he knew about my past experiences and how important honesty and promises are to me.

I love him deeply, and our relationship has been an important part of my life. At the same time, I feel anxious and uncertain about how to trust his words again. I don't want my past experiences to dictate how I approach my current relationship, but I also don't know how to move forward when something that made me feel secure has changed.

For anyone who has experienced a similar situation, what practical steps helped you rebuild trust after repeated dishonesty? How can a couple work toward restoring trust while also addressing a boundary that was broken?