I love to send Christmas cards every year to rekindle communication with folks both professionally and personally that I may not have talked to in some time. Other than Reddit, I really don’t do social media these days.

Early September, I received a rough draft of what my Christmas card would have been (me, wife, dog, and an RIP shout out for my cat). But then I got asked for a divorce and it was quickly finalized two weeks ago. Gotta scrap those plans lol.

Gosh, even before I got married, I would send Christmas cards with me and cat over the years. But now that he died three months ago and I’m divorced two weeks ago...I’ve never faced this time of year truly alone.

I would feel too self-conscious just sending a Christmas card that just has a picture of me? I know that *not* sending Christmas cards is a valid option, but I want to try really hard to find a way to do A Thing that brings me joy in spite of the incredibly rough Q3/Q4 it’s been.

My tentative plan is to find a beautiful Christmas card, sans photos, and replace the photos with a personalized note on each one. It would take waaaay longer but would help me achieve my goals of staying in touch, analog style.

For many reasons, I won’t be reverting my married name (for example, as a trans person, I don’t want to have to get a new passport and go through gender marker drama). I’m hoping that addressing things as “Love, John Doe” instead of “Love, The Doe Family” will be enough of a sign for folks not to say “Tell the wife we said hello!”

*sigh* One of the unexpected life after divorce things that has come up for me. It’s only been 28 days since my wife said “I want a divorce” and 11 days since it’s was finalized and here I am trying to figure out holiday cards lol.

so my husband (m24) and i (f20) got married in april and im already considering divorce.. i’ve been back and forth for months and im just so sick of the “im trying to do better” and then always just being treated like shit. i feel so stupid for maybe marrying the wrong person but i love him and don’t know if i have the strength to leave but at the same time id rather not be around him and often find more peace without him.. but i also wouldn’t know what to do with our animals not all of them are mine but ik he wont take care of them.. HELP PLZ IDK WHAT IM DOING ANYMORE.

also im writing this at work because i cant stop thinking and almost crying abt it :(

My husband left me in july and he made me think it was because of the way i was postpartum come to find out its because he was having an affair this has destroyed me completely and I feel so disgusted I was a stay at home mom and im 2.5 years postpartum and struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression and that turned into postpartum rage. I just wish I had someone to talk to about all this.

“I met X on X. On our first date, he told me he had been divorced for four years and that he only learned you were pregnant with your daughter after the divorce had been finalised.

I found the timeline concerning, especially given you have such a young child. I have since learned that his divorce was only filed this year, which directly contradicts what he told me. As soon as I discovered this, I ended all contact and blocked him on every platform. I thought you should know how he is representing your family situation while meeting other women.

Wishing you and your daughter well”

Should I send this to his wife?

In 2 days my divorce finalises. I don't need to do anything for it and it is all on her.

A month and a half ago she reached out to me (after a couple months of extremely minimal contact) with a big apology and wanting to be in contact again. She has been doing work on herself with therapy for months, which is something I wanted to urge her to do. I didn't know she was in therapy until she reached out again.

She said she just wanted friendship but it was never just friendship. We were close and she used me to have the benefits of a relationship without the sex, stress or hard work.

Well today I put my boundaries in place. I told her I am not here to undertake domestic roles and husband duties without being a husband. She chose parts of me but not all of me. All so she could keep chasing superficial relationships and still call my presence 'home'. She even showed me nudes she took.

It's worth noting she reached out after her very short term relationship ended. After that her moods magically turned around because she got validation I was still there.

I left the door open to discuss not divorcing but she ignored that and said she wished me well.

I expect she will reach out again soon when the silence gets heavy but I don't expect her to delay the finality of the divorce.

I am proud of myself for putting up my boundary but it's still hard.

She feels like home to me too but I deserve to be chosen.

Just getting started but curious how you started the talk with your spouse or how your partner told you? Im feeling guilty and shame that I keep putting it off. Hes a kind man.

My (F53) husband and I have been married 17 years, separated for 1.5 years, no kids together, both have adult "kids" from previous marriages.

Neither of us have great careers, not much savings. Our only wealth is in our home. He wants $200k of home our equity if we divorce.

I feel like taking $200k out of our home is irresponsible and puts a financial burden on me by having to pay additional interest if I do a cash out refinance.

We get along very well, most of the time. We have a lot of good times behind us and a lot of bad. I love him. I care about him. But I do not want to stay married to him. I would stay married for the benefit of medical insurance or saving money until one of us gets to a place where we are considering getting remarried. I do not want to live together as husband and wife.

However, I am not opposed to us living in the same home. This would keep us from having to take cash out and absorbing all of the costs that go along with refinancing and taking additional cash out. We do have one joint source of income we could used to make the house payment, utilities and food. Then we could each work separate jobs and have our own budget on the side.

Does anyone out there have experience living together after a divorce? We've already opened our marriage. He is dating someone else but it's more of a FWB situation. I really like her and we get along great but he doesn't feel overly committed to her and she likes the dynamic. I've dated a little but haven't been able to since June.

Does anyone have any advice or experience with a similar scenario? I would like to think I can do it peacefully. He would rather live together than why but I definitely want to date with other people potentially for another long-term relationship in the future.

STBXW asks for divorce a few months ago and runs off that night. I see evidence (no 100% proof) she's had an affair with her boss and has moved in with him 4 hours away.

She immediately removes her phone line from our plan. Then she... That's it. That's the extent of the initiative she's taken to move this process forward. She's blocked me for unknown reasons.

I filed.

I got a mediator.

I've made settlement offers. No acceptance, and no counter offers provided from her.

I've provided pictures of everything on our property to have her generate a list of items she wants (she won't come to the place..?). No list provided.

She was hiding her location and being difficult to serve papers which is required in my state. Professionals my attorney hired finally chased her down.

She's missed every deadline assigned to her in mediation.

I'm just tired of it. I want to move on. There was no yelling, no fighting, no threats, no abuse. No kids. I want out of this purgatory, I want some clarity on my future.

It feels like my life and myself are just old toys she's done playing with and doesn't want to even be bothered to put away. She asked for the divorce, I agreed. Why won't she do her part to get it?? Probably because she's enjoying her new life too much I suppose.

I'm in a good position, I have an attorney etc and as time passes, my outcome should improve or at least not get worse. I just want it done though.

Anyone else dealt with a lump on a log of a partner when divorcing?

Tomorrow early I'm beginning the search for a new divorce attorney in Winston-Salem, NC.

Any suggestions of attorneys or firms? Property division is on the table.

like everyone around me has gone through this, but somehow we never actually talk about it? i feel like there's this unspoken rule where you just suffer quietly and then move on. would be nice to know i'm not the only one feeling completely lost right now.

Has anyone here decided not to get divorced because of financial reasons or for the sake of their children? If so, how are things going for you now? Do you regret your decision, or do you think it was the right choice?
I’m honestly very close to separating from my wife, but I’m struggling to imagine all the challenges that would come afterward.
The financial side isn’t my biggest concern. At the end of the day, I’d rather have less money and be happy than stay in an unhappy marriage.
What scares me the most is how it would affect our daughter. How would she react? How would we manage school drop-offs and pick-ups when we both work full-time? How would we organize our lives around shared custody?
There are so many questions running through my head, and right now I just can’t seem to think clearly or figure out what the best decision would be.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar, whether you decided to stay or leave.
Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences.

I lost my best friend 1.5 years ago when my ex wife asked for a divorce. At first I thought I could fix it. Then I found out there was someone else and I couldn’t. So many sad lonely nights followed. The mix of emotions was overwhelming. Things stayed like this for 8 months as we lived together, even after the divorce was final. Then one day she moved out. No forewarning, just gone like our life together never existed. Sure we still have to talk because of our daughter.

For a while I thought things were getting better. I ended up buying out my ex’s portion of the house. I bought new furniture for my daughter’s room and living room. Most of the summer was fun. I thought maybe I’m getting close to moving on. Then the bad feelings started coming back. My wife’s mother passed and I went the funeral to support my daughter and her family. Bad idea. That’s when I started slipping backwards. Ever since then I’ve felt stuck. Like nothing is changing. I look at her and her life seems full of joy. She seems completely moved on. Like there was no marriage. And I feel as if I’m running a race with her and I keep getting further and further behind. When will this feeling end?

it seems like too much work to get a divorce
maybe i haven’t “checked out “ enough
or maybe theres still some good that out weighs the bad
maybe its because we have a young child and i dont want to break her routine
or things just arn’t bad enough for me to leave and start from scratch.
The thought of having to find a job, find housing, childcare, car, all of that seems so overwhelming . But I’m so unhappy, I know he’s unhappy too i almost wish he would just initiate everything so i can get the ball rolling

It keeps going and going and hurting always. This moment happens to be a bad one - I don't have control of what the moments are like or when they happen, just that I have to survive them.

Missing being cuddled. Missing being his little spoon. Missing the good morning emails. Missing cat jokes. Missing how The kitties looked on his lap.

The weather is finally under triple digits so my AC is off most of the time now, but my room gets stuffy so I turn it on to help me fall asleep. I'm one of those people who sleep with the fan on high and the AC on low until the weather gets cold enough for double sock season.

Three cats, stuffed animals, weighted blankets, eye masks, hair bonnet, sleep noise, sometimes a zan-axe, and falling asleep still takes hours. Rocking myself to sleep sometimes works. He's in most of my dreams and they are - thankfully - somewhat of a relief: we connect, there's intimacy, there are many moments that feel the way they did when we were in the Best Friend stages in our relationship. By which I mean when it felt good to love and be loved by someone you care about more than you care about yourself. We had a lot of those moments.

My memories are so tactile that the feeling bleeds over into the dreams. I can still feel the weight of holding his hand and sometimes hold my other hand and pretend its his as I fall asleep. Tiny kisses while waking up. The texture of his jeans near the belt loops, his actual belt; I can hear the way its unbuckling sounds. I can feel the softness of his hair, the scratch of his beard stubble, and the way the bump on his lower leg - from the reforming of the bone after he broke it - felt. The way tattoo ink feels slightly raised or different from the rest of soft skin.

I can almost smell his specific body scent; clean and soft and good (outside of the sweaty times that manual labor or SoCal sun or hockey make all of us get). I sometimes think that his pheromones are what have me so deeply locked in, but a person is more than just their scent... even if it's always great.

I know what his jawline feels like, what the best positions are to snuggle the longest against him, and how beautiful he looks when he's sleeping. His eyelashes never played fair: long, and framing those hazel eyes.

I hear his laugh, his voice when it got soft, when we had a million inside jokes...and unfortunately his voice when it got sharp with me (far too often).

All of that presses in during my dreams, far more intense when I'm awake, and it never stops hurting.

All of it is there during sleep.... then I wake up.

One night in the space we all float through (awake to fully asleep) I suddenly had the strongest tactile sensation that he'd walked into my room and was standing next to me while I laid in bed. I could truly feel the way his shirt fabric felt (you know, those white stretchy ones made by Hanes), his abs, the whole deal. I didn't realize scent sometimes has actual pressure, almost a presence, and that was there with everything. He's had piercings and I could feel the way the little metal balls on the hoop felt. He bent down and kissed me. I could feel his hair texture; same way as it always felt after growing out.

It was a deep moment that felt sweet and beautiful (minus some adult details that happened as the moment progressed), and I ended up becoming fully awake and crying so hard I wanted to vomit.

Yeah, I cry once a day - sometimes more - usually during bedtime but sometimes as I'm waking up.

Our official whatever started in 2019 and finalized in 2025. I've seen him in person perhaps four times from 2019 through this year. I honestly do continue to pray that he'll someday decide to have a connection with me, because the papercut in my heart refuses to heal. I've put in the work with self care, meditation, healthcare professionals, therapists, therapies, support groups, medications, posting here and there online, and even talking to a priest. I've TRIED. Not every day is the worst, at least. I have good days. Friends. Laughs. Some projects.

Grief gives not one singular fuck about how I work on any of this. It will NOT stop hurting. I'm unemployed and going through a case to get disability, so the isolation is serious. Early this year I started the long process of playing hockey and am genuinely happy to be on a team. It feels like he's there with me, and I think of how he skates when I practice; watching the techniques and such. He's a real good player to say the least. But it would light up my whole entire heart if he'd ever skate with me, or coach me. The smarm level would be incredibly high, but I also think he'd be proud of and impressed by the level of work I've put in to get to where I'm at.

I still wear my wedding band but not in a way to "pretend to still be married to him". It's an important piece of jewelry to me. Sometimes it feels the way it must when people wear a ring or necklace as a memorial to their pets; tattoos and such. At one point I had scarification done in the groove that the ring has made on my finger over the years. I wore a different ring in that spot to see if that felt okay. But no, that space is for my wedding band, because that's where it lives. It feels terribly empty without that specific ring, even if there's a scar underneath.

I miss the good parts of him more than I have words for. So, it's nice to have a place like this to write it out.

Looking for experiences here, not legal advice. Washington state, divorced, parenting plan in place for a few years. I am currently unrepresented. My ex is represented.

The plan has a telephone access clause that says, word for word: "When the child of the parties is not residing with a given parent that parent shall be permitted unimpeded and unmonitored telephone access to the child at reasonable times and for reasonable duration."

The situation: my two youngest sons have no phone of their own that I can reach them on at their mom's house. I bought them a basic flip phone so I could call them there, and I understand from the kids that it is not allowed at her house. They also used to have a tablet I could reach them on, and I understand that is not allowed there either. I have not heard the ban directly from her — I heard it from the kids.

Her position, from an older sibling's phone, is that I can call the older kids and talk to any of the children that way. In practice that has not been reliable for the younger two, especially when the older kids are not home or their phones are unavailable. Name me one teenager that happily hands their phone to their younger sibling for them to disappear and talk... Probably zero?

What happened, in order:

1. I asked her to have the younger two call me one evening before bedtime. They did not call.

2. I followed up the next morning. No call resulted.

3. I then sent her a written message quoting the telephone access clause, saying I was not asking for a specific device or for immediate responses, and inviting her to propose reasonable limits (times, duration, whatever works). I asked her to identify a phone number or device where the younger two can reliably be reached.

4. She replied that the plan does not require her to permit a specific device in her household or a mandatory response time for every call or text, she said that means of communication are available, and that her reasonable boundaries remain in place — but she did not name any boundaries, times, or a phone number.

She also denied asking the kids to communicate her position about their phone to me, accused me of pressuring the kids and telling them to conceal the phone, and said she will not engage in repetitive arguments... So in other words shut up and go away you're not going to easily talk to the kids.

I have not replied to that message, and I have not contacted her attorney yet. I do not want a fight — I just want a reliable way to talk to my kids during her parenting time.

The plan also says disagreements about what the plan means go to mediation before court, as I understand it, so I am wondering if mediation should be the next step instead of a letter to her attorney from me.

What I am trying to decide:

- As someone without a lawyer, is writing to her attorney directly a bad idea? Will they even engage, or just forward it to her? Does it hurt me to contact opposing counsel myself?

- Is her "no specific device required" argument right? The plan does not name a device, but if the kids have no direct way for me to reach them, is that still "access"?

- Would you pay roughly $300+ for a lawyer to write a short letter at this stage, or send a short factual letter yourself first and keep the lawyer option in reserve?

- Is there anything I should definitely NOT put in a letter like this?

Thanks for any experience you can share.

My wife would like to engage one, but there is not much between us. House, our own debts, and retirement accounts.

We plan on hiring a mediator as things are mostly cordial. Her thought process is that attorneys aren't experts in finances.

I've been married for 12 years now and have 2 kids aged 8 and 6 - both boys.
During COVID, I had a severe heart attack and had to be taken to the emergency (thankfully, got saved with stenting) but that incident changed something in me. I became irritable and lost my patience quite a bit. I was also a smoker for 15+ years and quit abruptly (cold turkey) which may have added to the irritatable part.

Our marriage I'd say at the time was okay. Not a fairy tale but I deeply cared about my wife (and it worked both ways) however it was an arranged marriage and my love for her was not very textbook (I am an introvert and rarely demonstrate my love by speaking out in front of others) in that I wasn't very expressive OR rarely used to show my love in front of others. This was an issue earlier as she had told me many times that she desired to be loved and I need to be more expressive.

After my heart attack, she started to have panic attacks (she was alone with 2 kids at home during COVID and we weren't allowed to have too many visitors at the time owing to social distancing norms in our country) and honestly speaking it turned out that I needed to take good care of her instead of the other way round.

I thought I'll break the cycle here, give her some break from me and the kids and asked her to take a solo trip to Bali. I also decided to make more efforts and try to get more physically intimate with her (which she liked but I was never a demanding person when it came to sex). She was very happy with this idea and had the 8 day long solo trip but when she came back, her drive was totally gone.

I realized later that she was unhappy with me and had several 'encounters' with a few gentlemen while in Bali. I also realized that she was sexting with and having phone sex with one of her previous friends (waay back from 2010s) - a guy who is happily single and now has access to some of her nudes. She may also have had a fling with some of our known friends (I don't know for sure but I did find some indicative messages).

After all of this when confronted, she was heartbroken and told me she'd never do it again and that she loves me and our kids and doesn't want our marriage to be in ruins. I also asked her how can she be sure because the reason she claimed that she was unfaithful was I was not giving her the love that she wanted. I asked her how that would change and she had no answer.

I've been heartbroken since then and I've tried therapy, taken meds and tried speaking to a psychiatrist as well however I cannot seem to forgive and forget. Please note that deep down, I wish to forgive and forget as I want my kids to have a normal childhood.

I am at a crossroads now. Our fights (as expected) have not gotten any mellower and although I agree that I'm more irritable now than earlier, she somehow claims that I don't see that I'm at fault for starting fights.

We live in another country on employment visas and our life is dependent on both our incomes.

I would like to know a few things from fellow people who have been here before:

1. Will separating help ? How will that affect the kids?
   
2. Is there a remotest chance that things get better with just counselling ?
   
3. Is sucking your ego up a solution for the betterment of kids ?
   
4. I'm also at a stage where my mind needs a break. Otherwise I feel like I'll just collapse under pressure.

Please help out here - I am open to all feedback and all suggestions/criticisms (be gentle though).

I’ve (56M) been married for 26 years, but for well over 22 of those years, we’ve essentially been roommates, with no physical intimacy beyond the occasional hug. She’s a very attractive woman, but the disconnect has become so profound that even her smell has become a turnoff to me.

She’s always had my back, and I care deeply about her, but the attraction is completely gone. We’ve separated twice—once briefly in 2006 and again in 2011, for a few years. She knows I’m unhappy, and I know she’s unhappy, too. Yet every day, she tells me she loves me, and if I don’t say it back, I get a scowl, a smirk, or a “So, do you want a divorce?”

There are photos of us all over the house, and I hate looking at them because I no longer feel what I believe she feels when she looks at them.

She comes from a very traditional Italian family. Her father went to his grave hating her mother, and the feeling was mutual. I can’t help but wonder whether she sees staying together, regardless of how miserable we are, as simply what married people do.

Her father died of a stroke last year, and I was by her side every day. When he passed away in November 2025, I promised myself I would give our marriage one more try because of what she means to me. I wanted to believe we could somehow make it work, but I’ve reached a point where I just can’t do it anymore.

I work out of state, about 450 miles away, so I’m gone much of the time. When we’re together, things are tense, and the tension keeps getting worse. There’s no one else in either of our lives, and we don’t have children. It’s just the two of us, our two dogs, and the house. When I’m alone in the house with the dogs, I’m happy. When she’s around, I’m not. That’s a difficult thing to admit, but it’s the truth.

I care very much about her, and I’m under no illusions about how difficult life will be if we separate. But I can’t keep doing this. I genuinely feel like I’m coming apart at the seams.
With the holidays approaching, I feel trapped between two miserable options: spending Christmas with her and her family while pretending everything is fine, or spending it alone in my little place out of state, completely isolated.

My plan is to tell her after Christmas, but I hate myself for continuing to kick the can down the road. I also hate knowing how deeply I’m going to hurt her. She’ll be devastated, although I doubt she’ll be entirely surprised. We’ve been down this road before, but this time feels different. I don’t want another temporary separation followed by another attempt to convince ourselves things will somehow change.

We’ve known each other for 32 years. That’s more than half my life. There’s a tremendous amount of history, loyalty, and genuine caring between us, which makes this so much harder. But caring about someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life married to them are two very different things.

I can’t see myself doing another 32 years like this. At this point, I’m struggling with the thought of another 32 days.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so overwhelmed by anything in my life. The guilt, sadness, fear, and uncertainty are exhausting, but so is the thought of staying in a marriage that hasn’t felt like a marriage in decades. I feel selfish for wanting out, but I also feel like I’m sacrificing what years I have left by staying. And I know that, in many ways, I’m doing the same thing to her.

For those of you, men or women, who have been through something similar, how did you handle it? How do you tell someone who has been part of your life for 32 years—someone you genuinely care about—that you just can’t do it anymore? Is waiting until after the holidays the kinder thing to do, or am I just prolonging the inevitable?

I’d really appreciate some perspective from anyone who has been in this position.

I am still deeply in love with my stbxw. I want so badly to just text her and somehow try to convince her to try again with me. I haven't(yet) which honestly very surprising for me. I miss my bestfriend. December 21st will be a year since she told me that she wanted a divorce. Does this shit ever get any easier?

6 weeks ago my wife of 17 years, been together over 20, told me she was a lesbian. I was obviously heartbroken. The first couple weeks we rough. Wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating. I lost about 10 pounds that first week. I started therapy and just started to work on myself. We have 4 children, 2 of which are adults and out of the house. One is in college and the youngest is 16 and still at home. We have separated but we are currently still living together in our house. I moved my office from the basement, into what was our room, and she moved into the basement. It has gotten easier the past few weeks as I've gotten used to this new normal. I don't hate her and we still love each other, its just that love has changed. The hardest part about this is I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I've been to online meet ups for people going through divorce, but their situation is nothing like mine. I've had a great marriage and I've been extremely lucky. Has anyone out there been in this situation? I can't be the only one.

My husband of 6 years told me he wanted a divorce mid September. We own a home & a small business, no children (cats.) I suspect he has been cheating on me with a woman from work for over a year now (found evidence on his phone.)
The reasons he wants a divorce: he thinks I’m lazy & irresponsible, he thinks I am ungrateful, and he thinks I’m bad for his health bc he has to drink heavily to cope with being in a relationship with me.

A friend of mine thinks I should file the divorce paperwork to empower me. I really don’t want a divorce, I was hoping couples therapy could have remedied this but he doesn’t want to try.

WWYD? I’m in MA.

If so, how much so?

Enough to contemplate splitting up because your spouse won’t set any boundaries for them?

I went away this weekend, alone, to the woods. It wasn’t easy. You see, life has been very lonely lately but I know that experiencing my loneliness is the next step in my healing. Understanding that even if I don’t like being alone, I don’t have to anesthetize it. I can embrace it. I can feel it. And still be ok.

There are many of us out there who are doing the work. Feeling all of the feelings because the only way out of the pain is through the pain.

If you are feeling that pain right now know that you aren’t alone. You might feel lonely, and perhaps you are, but you are there. Your presence is there. We are all there with you. And when you face your fears, conquer your demons, you will start to finally heal the wounds inside and be closer to the person you’ve always wanted to be.

I didn’t have any epiphanies. I was hoping for something that never came. But I felt the feelings and started to realize that this weekend wasn’t about waiting for something or someone to come. This weekend was about realizing the person I am trying to be was there the whole time.

(I posted this to FB and it seemed to touch people and so I wanted to share. This divorce road is really hard but it’s hopefully part of our collective journeys to a much better place. Happy to be walking the path with all of you and grateful for the support.)