r/JewsOfConscience • u/identifique • 8h ago
Religion / Spirituality Questioning conversion and finding community among predominantly pro-Israel institutions
I started attending a progressive and anti-genocide synagogue a year ago. I love my synagogue. I was not raised Jewish but have started considering conversion and have informed my rabbi.
However I've been given pause by whether I'll truly be accepted by the larger Jewish community. My conversion would not be seen as legitimate to Orthodox Judaism. On top of that, the mainstream Jewish institutions: most synagogues, Jewish Federations, Hillel, et al. are Liberal Zionists at best and are supporting or involved in pro-Israel activities that I cannot support. Synagogues having national flags on the bimah, Jewish Federations and Hillel organizing and sponsoring activities featuring IOF soldiers, sending aid to the IOF (one synagogue in town even organized care packages for the IOF), organizing talks or events that reiterate the need to defend Israel as a Jewish state, etc.
I feel that as great as American Jewish institutions can be for cultural programming and community building they can also promote a lot of centering Jewish feelings, which as someone not raised Jewish I feel uncomfortable calling out since I feel I will be labeled as a fake Jew or an imposter. And to be clear there is very real antisemitism out there that needs to be countered. And here's where it gets very tricky. Because there are instances where demonstrations have gone too far in what they've said or done and at the same time organizations being demonstrated against have in some way participated in activities that I cannot support. So I don't want to isolate Jewish organizations or their members who have to contend with real antisemitism and at the same time I don't want to rush to make a public defense of an organization that has participated in Zionist activities just because the larger Jewish community in the area is asking to "stand" with xyz organization.
It has been impressed upon me that I cannot and am not supposed to practice Judaism alone. I very much want to find community and belonging. But if I seek it among mainstream American Jewish institutions I run the risk of being alienated and feeling out of place at best or potentially being ostracized if I'm too vocal in my criticism. I am lucky to be in a city where there is some anti-Zionist Jewish presence and groups. But those groups tend to be very focused on planning political campaigns whereas I'm looking more for a ritual community (also totally respect those who see their political organizing as an expression of Jewish practice - just saying that for me that can't be the only thing).
Again I am very grateful that I even have anti-genocide synagogue I can attend. But I feel like I essentially have to leapfrog from scant anti-Zionist lily pad to anti-Zionist lily pad and don't feel like I belong or have a place in mainstream Jewish institutions and plan not to participate.
My question is whether it is right for someone to convert to Judaism (which is also joining the Jewish people at large) when that person has no intention of participating in the larger Jewish institutions? I feel so conflicted because the American Jewish community is already so small and the need for these larger institutions is real. But why does it feel like my only choices are alienation/ostracization or checking my morals at the door for a sense of belonging?