Life at a crossroads with wife. Do things get better?

I've been married for 12 years now and have 2 kids aged 8 and 6 - both boys.
During COVID, I had a severe heart attack and had to be taken to the emergency (thankfully, got saved with stenting) but that incident changed something in me. I became irritable and lost my patience quite a bit. I was also a smoker for 15+ years and quit abruptly (cold turkey) which may have added to the irritatable part.

Our marriage I'd say at the time was okay. Not a fairy tale but I deeply cared about my wife (and it worked both ways) however it was an arranged marriage and my love for her was not very textbook (I am an introvert and rarely demonstrate my love by speaking out in front of others) in that I wasn't very expressive OR rarely used to show my love in front of others. This was an issue earlier as she had told me many times that she desired to be loved and I need to be more expressive.

After my heart attack, she started to have panic attacks (she was alone with 2 kids at home during COVID and we weren't allowed to have too many visitors at the time owing to social distancing norms in our country) and honestly speaking it turned out that I needed to take good care of her instead of the other way round.

I thought I'll break the cycle here, give her some break from me and the kids and asked her to take a solo trip to Bali. I also decided to make more efforts and try to get more physically intimate with her (which she liked but I was never a demanding person when it came to sex). She was very happy with this idea and had the 8 day long solo trip but when she came back, her drive was totally gone.

I realized later that she was unhappy with me and had several 'encounters' with a few gentlemen while in Bali. I also realized that she was sexting with and having phone sex with one of her previous friends (waay back from 2010s) - a guy who is happily single and now has access to some of her nudes. She may also have had a fling with some of our known friends (I don't know for sure but I did find some indicative messages).

After all of this when confronted, she was heartbroken and told me she'd never do it again and that she loves me and our kids and doesn't want our marriage to be in ruins. I also asked her how can she be sure because the reason she claimed that she was unfaithful was I was not giving her the love that she wanted. I asked her how that would change and she had no answer.

I've been heartbroken since then and I've tried therapy, taken meds and tried speaking to a psychiatrist as well however I cannot seem to forgive and forget. Please note that deep down, I wish to forgive and forget as I want my kids to have a normal childhood.

I am at a crossroads now. Our fights (as expected) have not gotten any mellower and although I agree that I'm more irritable now than earlier, she somehow claims that I don't see that I'm at fault for starting fights.

We live in another country on employment visas and our life is dependent on both our incomes.

I would like to know a few things from fellow people who have been here before:

1. Will separating help ? How will that affect the kids?
   
2. Is there a remotest chance that things get better with just counselling ?
   
3. Is sucking your ego up a solution for the betterment of kids ?
   
4. I'm also at a stage where my mind needs a break. Otherwise I feel like I'll just collapse under pressure.

Please help out here - I am open to all feedback and all suggestions/criticisms (be gentle though).

I have had primary physical custody of my wonderful 5 yr old for almost 4 years now. The mother is allowed supervised visitation and calls but has been mostly no contact. She has also been homeless and jobless for most of this time. By her own choice as she hasn't been arrested or institutionalized.

How can the court decides to modify her support order which I was already lenient at $200 instead of $400 a month and drop it to $0? I got no notice of this change happening. If she was a man they would've thrown her in jail for non payment since February.

This is mostly just to vent. But I've worked my ass off to raise this child without any support. And the state just let's her accountability drop to 0 for no reason.

Hej guys i have a very hard time after 2 very stressful years.... i try to sum it up quickly
So on 1.4.2023 my daughter was born and i went on parental leave - i wanted to take it long cause my gf had a better paid job and she did not want to be long away from gere workplace. In my country we can have a lot of parental leave.
Then in October 24 so i and a have year later i wanted to return to my job but they shutdow.n my Department and i was fired.. already felt miserable back then but didn't know why.
Then january 25 i got cancer and had to do chemo...
Moved to my parents becuase my daughter was going to child care and i had a would be weakened during chemo and could get sick fast.
June 25 - chemo is finished and i am happy but got a myocarditis becuase tge chemo was so hard my heart... in about the same time my gf told me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and i am devastated ... she already saw someone for sex or something like that... details unknown but i saw she had sex dating apps and later lingerie and sex toys bought when I was more often in her appartment...
My world was destroyed i was destroyed...

She said its better without me...
Till 2025 i cured the myocarditis and then in february started to work out and socialize more. It was planned that i would have anouther cancer treatment since my vhemo began but in end of February it was then cancelled. Around thi time i was frequently picking up my daughter from child care and staying with her at (ex) gfs appartment and i always when i am there i am reminded of our relationship and so on - it was our appartment before i moved to my parents...
now i am in a rehabilitation centre which you have to do after bei g sick for long and I feel so lonely and only want my familiy back.

I feel so worthless at this point having lost my job then living with my parents ( its very hard to find an Appartement here when you are unemployed) and without my family... the loss of job, health and relationship in just 9 months of time fucked me up bad. I wanted fron her to give me another chance... the reaponses are mixxed ... and i feel just that my life is pontlesss at this moment...

My whole daily mood is always dependent on how my Call with gf was or how nice ahe is to me and so on.... my thoughts are only spinning around this and i am so afraid that she will have another man eventually...

I know that i need a new job soon and i will look for one. Good thing is that i am financially covered.

But socially i am a wreck, becuase you lose a bit contact with people when you dont work for so long ( april 23. ) and also i got just very few friends left but everybody with children....

I just want to move on, dont let myself be dependent of her mood and treatment but also want her Back even after how she lect me when i needed her the most.

Sorry guys for the long post but I needed to vent..

TL; DR from parental leave to job loss to cancer and then being single dad.... trying to get over her ...

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I’m a dad to a 7-year-old boy and honestly, I’ve been struggling with this situation for a while. I’m looking for advice from other dads who have been through something similar.

His mother and I are separated, and we don’t have a formal custody order. We’ve been trying to handle things informally, but lately, co-parenting has become increasingly difficult.

I have him every other weekend, and I also see him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings to make him breakfast and get him on the school bus and whenever Im off during the week.I cherish that time with him, but the hardest part is knowing how much he struggles emotionally with the separation.

He tells me all the time that he misses me, wishes he could live with me, and has a hard time with transitions between our homes. I reassure him that he’s allowed to love and miss both parents, that none of this is his fault, and that he never has to choose sides.

The problem is that when he expresses those feelings to his mother, she sometimes responds by telling him things like, “If you miss him so much, go live with him.” I feel like he’s being made to feel guilty for expressing perfectly normal feelings about missing his dad. There have also been situations where overnights have been threatened or taken away amid these conflicts, which leaves me feeling like my relationship with my son is being used as leverage.

Aiden has also been acting out more at school, and I’m concerned that he’s having trouble regulating his emotions. He has even expressed that he wants therapy because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings. I agree that he deserves that support, but his mother has been against therapy and has dismissed the idea because it didn’t help her personally.

I’m not looking to label anyone or turn my son against his mother. I want him to have a healthy relationship with both of us. I’m in therapy myself, and I’m trying to be the most stable, supportive father I can be.

What hurts is feeling like I have to carefully navigate every situation because I’m afraid that speaking up for my son or pushing for what he needs could result in me losing time with him. I want to protect him without putting him in the middle of our disagreements.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the separation and wondering whether I’m doing enough. All I want is for my son to feel safe expressing his emotions, to know that both parents love him, and to have the support he needs.

For the dads who have been through something similar: How do you handle a co-parent who dismisses your child’s emotional struggles or reacts negatively when your child expresses missing you? How do you advocate for your child without escalating the conflict or risking your parenting time?

I love my boy more than anything. I’m just trying to figure out how to do right by him while navigating a situation that sometimes feels impossible. I want to involve the courts but I'm buried in debt from bending to her will. She doesn't want to go to court that was the first thing she said to me. Her new bf moved in within 6 months(dated 4 months after break up)so I feel like theres some confusion with my son

Hey dads,

So a sensitive question but it’s been bugging me lately. And it sounds like a joke, but I’m genuinely curious how you handle being sexually frustrated and needing release, while juggling kids and not really getting any time to ourselves / myself.

Even shower time is no longer my own time lol. So i guess i just want to know im not a freak for feeling pent up. And what do you a guys do about it?

Thanks.

I'm trying to get some perspective here as my ex's behavior is getting increasingly combative, and is now showing signs of trying to manipulate my kid, and alienate them from me.

I know these things are looked at in custody cases, but I don't know what's "enough" from a court standpoint. There's a lot to get in to with my situation, but for the most part it was pretty clear that my ex was having a kid with me for financial reasons, so I'm a little wary of how much they really care about them, which is coming out in different ways. My gut is telling me to fight, but I don't think I have enough ammo, especially being a man.