I know people are probably sick of hearing this but I am so tired of opening social media and getting hit with an endless conveyor belt of "come with me on my Monday" or "day in the life" videos where people are literally just narrating the most aggressively mundane tasks. Living in Southern California makes it even worse because it feels like every time I go to the grocery store or sit at a park, someone is treating public spaces like their personal film set. I saw kids at a park the other day completely ignoring each other and the playground, just staring into phones or filming TikTok dances. These kids were literally like 8-10 years old.

Beyond just the vlogger culture, I really just miss the early days of the internet. Ya know, when finding a very specific video or information was straight forward. Now if you want to find something, you have to comb through AI generated answers, click bait, lame videos that you don’t even wanna look at and you still walk away empty handed. Between that and that fact that there are no more AI bots on the internet now than actual human beings, it just gets to a point where you don’t even wanna use it anymore. It’s discouraging. The internet can be an amazing tool, no doubt, but the social media aspect and all the bots just make it all feel so disingenuous and over monetized.

Again, I know this is not new information I just genuinely wanted to vent.

And hey, I do get wanting to escape the 9-5 grind or whatever and hit the viral lottery, but the stats on the creator economy are brutal. A massive chunk of people making content literally earn nothing or under $10k a year, while a tiny fraction of them make six figures. You’re essentially working a second, unpaid job. Why? This makes it even more confusing for me. And not only that, but you’re broadcasting all kinds of personal, sensitive info to pretty much anybody that’ll watch. If that’s not desperation idk what it. And the same people will turn around and make comments about hating mass surveillance. But you’re literally putting all of you online for free. Make it make sense. And no this ain’t an ad for flock. Fuck that. But personally, I’d feel so uncomfortable sharing my day to day life with random people online, but I could at least understand it more if it were actually a lucrative thing. I’m not necessarily talking about the small or local business owners posting their goods and services. I feel like that’s different. But I’m more so talking about people recording their think pieces or 14 step skin care routines. Who cares? Maybe it’s just a me problem. I just think it’s stupid and kinda weird

Anyways I think I’m done.

Honestly I’m just so over it. Everywhere I turn it’s just so blatantly gross with how far the corporate financial side has gone. I’m not dumb it’s always been bad but now it feels honestly worst than ever.

• 10+ different subscription services for movies and shows you’ll never own physically

• subscription for music that you’ll never have on CD or vinyl

• $20,000+ cars have subscription services to use services installed in them already locked behind paywalls

• video games, subscriptions to play online, subscriptions to access game catalogues, there’s even micro transactions and subscriptions in individual games by themselves, did I mention gaming companies now telling you that soon you will pay full price for a digital license of a game that can be deleted or taken from you just because whenever

• Movie theaters, Apple/android, books, YouTube, Gym’s, Car washes, grocery stores, clothing stores, hell some people’s refrigerators have subscription services. THEY EVEN HAVE SUBSCRIPTION BASED APPS THAT MANAGE YOU’RE OTHER SUBSCRIPTIONS!!!

Give it a few years and they’ll expect you to pay for a subscription to use your toilet and if you don’t you’ll have to sit through a ad before the lid unlocks.

And the craziest part is these aren’t just $1-$3 here and there services, these are $10’s-$100’s of dollars worth of subscriptions monthly of things you will never ever own or things you already paid for but are locked behind paywalls.

I know this isn’t some new revelation, I know this has been going on for years, and that I’m basically yelling at clouds but the last 2 years specifically I feel like it has genuinely gotten so disgustingly egregious. Worst part is I’m sure we haven’t even came close to the worst of it yet.

I wish that my rapists life would be ruined like he ruined mines. But I found him on Facebook.. after looking him up. Unwise of me I know. But he's traveling the world, living his best life. Forgetting how he kissed me when I said no. How he pinned me down I said no. And how he entered me when I said no. Life isn't fair. I want the worst for him. While I struggle day to day. He's fine. Where is the karmic justice. Where is the justice. Is the world meant to play favorites?

I work as a school bus driver in Texas. I am white. The percentage of drivers and monitors are broken down (roughly) between 50% white, 30% Hispanic, and 20% black people. I was hired in a group of six people two months before the end of last school year, and three of them are black. Two of them are Hispanic, and two of us are white. We are all incredibly good friends. I speak to them all the time, and I have a bubbly personality, so I know and get along with about 75% of all the drivers and monitors. It is a large workforce, so I don't know everyone yet, but it is VERY obvious that I am VERY close to my black friends at work.

Since the two months we've worked last year, and the two and a half months we've worked this year, I have had about ten people make racist comments, and the surprising thing to me is that more than half of them are Hispanic. Unfortunately, they are almost all small enough comments that I can't make a formal complaint about it.

I have been dealing with an incredibly verbally abusive and aggressive parent since the beginning of the year who has three boys on my bus. I am always at the computer documenting the behavior of the children, the interactions with the parent, and the contact with the schools regarding it.

While I am at the computer, I keep getting annoying asshole comments like, "damn, you're here AGAIN?" "What happened today?" "Why are your kids that bad? Do you want some help?" I have to document several times a week. The comments are getting fucking OLD, and I am starting to get passive aggressive in my responses, like, "does it look like I'm here again?" "Behavior happened today," and, "no, the parents are that bad."

When someone actually asks about, "what happened today?" I give them a two sentence response, and out of NOWHERE, from a person who is friendly with other black coworkers to their faces, the person will ask, "are they black?" I have been asked a dozen times by random people, "are they black?" Or they'll say, "they're black, aren't they?" I have no clue how to respond. I get very anxious and my heart skips a beat. In the beginning I would say, "yes," and then they would say, "I knew it," or "I figured." At that point, I just stop talking, because that is my defense. Out of fight, flight, or freeze, I am typically a freeze or flight person. They got all the information they wanted, and I don't want to respond anymore.

I don't know why it bothers me the most, but when the Hispanic people express their racism, I get even more upset. I figured there would be more empathy since they are have a lot of white people with racist views toward them. But then is that a subconscious racist view of my own!? I hate how all of this makes me feel, and I hate that people just assume that I am okay with judging a whole race simply because I'm white.

Where I grew up in Florida, people at least wait to see how the other person thinks about a subject before expressing hateful viewpoints. I am VERY obviously best friends with people of color at work, and I don't hide it. Why the fuck do people do this?

Now I don’t know what to do. For the last year my whole life revolved around my 32 year old fiancé and her 4 kids. I woke up, worked as a stay at home dad to those in kids did my best and repeated the cycle day in and day out for a year.

For a year I tried and tried and tried and I got better yes, but eventually we each came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t be what she needed at this moment. So we mutually broke it off, and that was fine. She told me she’d help me get back on my feet in a completely new state and give me the money back that I originally gave her at the start of our relationship.

Well then after not 2 weeks she brought over another guy to fuck. Not 50 feet away from me, and it devastated me. I gave this woman my virginity, my love, my admiration and I was willing to help her in anyway I could.

I even asked her if I could get a hotel or something, anything to where I didn’t have to be in that house. But she denied and refused and it broke me. I went into a manic episode for 3 days and ended up in the hospital with what the doctors called “Stressed induced DKA” (diabetic Keto acidosis) I’m a type 1 diabetic.

Even after seeing how badly it affected me, and how much it was hurting me. She wouldn’t just put her dating life aside for one minute in order to make sure her ex fiancé didn’t end up dead. We fought she drained our joint bank account of our money and told me to “Figure it out” after giving me only a grand back. And a grand doesn’t go far these days.

Now I’m back home, in my childhood bed. Living in my dad and step mom’s house bringing all the “skills” I learned back with me but now, being back in this tiny little town. I feel more lonely than ever, the same crushing, compounding, feeling that I had before I met her is back.

Now that’s killing me. I’ve never really been happy alone, and never will be honestly. I’ve always felt like I needed someone else to be happy, with myself. But oh well… now I’m almost 20 and have basically nothing to my name.

Going through with no contact with my family and obviously very terrified. I’m 20F in college and my mom came to see me, and she tried to take my emotional support animal away from me after I told her I no longer want to talk to her or be in contact with anyone.

She also tried to hit me wish his leash, and acted like she was going to punch me and she told me she wasn’t. My dog was on my lap when she grabbed his leash, and she was about to hit me and my dog started shaking. I stopped her and made a run for it to my housemates room and we called the schools public safety office.

I have a therapy appointment set for tomorrow, and I talked to a crisis worker so I’m feeling calmer. I just don’t know what I’m going to do now.. I’m cutting her out of my life along with my entire family.

It feels like I live to work and pay the bills, and most of my waking moments are just commuting or in an office doing the same thing every day waiting for the weekend to come or the next paycheck. Many of my friends moved away and we don’t see each other anymore, and it’s hard to meet as they’re very busy too. And the fact that I have to earn time off from work or request it to do what I want. I felt more free and alive when I was younger even in college

Hey guys, I am immensely upset and bawling because of the conversation with my son's father. My son is 5 and special needs. He has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, and SPD. I have accompanied my son out of town to spend time with his sister and relatives on his father's side. They have also all come to my home as well. His dad called and said since he have a new girlfriend he feels awkward being around me. I said invite her to Florida too so I can meet her because I genuinely don't want you. Basically he wants to take my son 8 hours away from where we live and I am not comfortable with that he and his family are in denial about my son's diagnosis. And he is a Marine and does not see children as equals but do whatever he says. Although my son can blend well with neurotypical kids doesn't mean he doesn't need support. I told him I will stay in my own Airbnb and Uber around but if my son wants me drop him off with me. And he is acting as if I am being unreasonable. He insulted me saying I can't hear right and I was hearing things when I told him he was making me upset and I am no longer interested in talking and he started taunting me saying oh how mature and I hung up.

Long story short: I work in a prison and got stabbed in the neck and face. Nothing visibility major, just a nick above my eye, but the stab wound in my neck was a few millimeters from killing me. It went 2 inches into my neck, barely missing my throat and major blood vessels. I wasn't even being an asshole, the dude was just very high.

I need this job. Nothing around me can pay $28/hr near me, nor can anything else pay for my unique situation that I am in. My job has me scheduled for 12 hours, but I work 16 hours mostly, and I live an hour from my job. I barely get any sleep and the sleep I do get is riddled with nightmares. My already horrible people skills are even worse as I can't help but think they may or may not hurt me.

I used to be a horrible person when I was younger but I finally have been becoming better. I've begun donating to charity, I've been less violent, I've begun thinking about how people feel every time I talk and have begun watching what I say so I don't hurt people's feelings. At work, I always try to help people. Need clothes, got ya. Your powers been out an no ones helping, got ya. Basically almost all my progress has been reversed. I feel like everything I've ever done to make myself better as a person has been for nothing and I'm just not worth the space I take up.

My horrible schedule makes it hard to make friends, as I work the night shift and I'm awake mainly at night on my off days bc I don't have time to fix my sleep schedule. My only friend is my roommate and I think that's it's only bc we can't survive financially without each other and it's just easier to be friends.

I can't hold down a relationship because I just can't hold a conversation and everyone seems to expect 24/7 access to me, even on my work days where I barely get 4 hours of sleep. The person I'm talking to right now is very nice and understanding but I don't think that will last. They are in college and I dropped out at 14, so they'll probably leave me when they finish or can get someone smarter/more educated.

I have no one to vent to. My roommate has had a horribly hard life and it just feels like when I vent it's like when a rich person complains about their struggles of which car to drive when the poor person can't even afford gas, you know?

And the friend group I had on ps5 just unfriended me bc "I don't play with them enough and randomly leave the party" but whenever I tried to tell them "hey, I'm having a hard time bc I just got stabbed at work so I'm having a hard time and need a break from the game/hey, I just saw someone die at work, sorry I'm having a hard time and need to get off/there was blood everywhere and seeing the blood in the game is freaking me out" just seemed to dull the mood.

What is the purpose of even being alive if you have no one to share it with, no one has the patience to share it with you, and no one wants to hear about it?

Tw: death.

I feel so bad my pet mouse died last night and what's worse I did nothing. I saw she was dieing and I held her. She looked in pain and I just held her (I cant drive I told my parents sthey said to just hold her) it was late I was a fool and tired. I put her down so I could sleep. It was only 11. She was cold when I woke up and I feel like shit for abandoning her instead of holding her and being where she needed me. I'm at school and can't do nothing knowing she's still in her cage. I couldnt take her out to sad and my dad said he would but I feel it's worse not knowing if I'd get to say my very last goodbyes and that she's just gonna go I the trash. They don't care for her as much as me and don't want a rotting corps. I feel bad knowing she died alone and is now just rotting in her cage until 9 or she dosnt get to hear me say goodbye and gets tossed in the trash. I wish I wasn't a fool and stayed up later to let her die in my hands rather then in her hut alone.

I come from a super strict religious family who thinks halloween is shaytan and terrible and attracts the devil so I have never once. in my entire childhood. experienced halloween and it KILLS ME because not only is it my FAVORITE holiday with its vibes and how fun it is, my birthday is also near it, fall is my favourite season, etc. etc. but my parents have never let me participate in any holiday and I have all these characters I love and im super into online fandom spaces sine i was like 10 (behind my parents' backs ofc) and cosplay as a whole and I have amazing friends who love and support me who are also cosplayers but im so jealous that they have parents that lets them actually do things. I wish i was white. i wish they weren't so religious and i wish i wasn't gay. i hate this sm

my parents are in no way abusive but they're just so controlling it kills me that we've had 3 years so far of school during halloween and there was a dress down day (my school has uniform) on halloween specifically so people can come to school in their costumes and i just. don't have one. like i'm just wearing normal clothes (which i hate but guess what. im also not allowed to have clothes I like. so i have like 3 shirts I recycle every single dress down day and people are noticing I repeat them and i hate it so so much why can't i just have clothes bru) I want to do halloween so bad.

im literally crying im going to be an adult soon and it's my last year of highschool its the last year my friends and I are all together and I can't even celebrate halloween. I can't even get candy. I can't even put on cool halloween makeup in a discreet way because I don't have any makeup to do that with!! im so sad. I've wasted my entire childhood. I won't get to have cute child-like halloween parties in uni without my friends and when im an adult im scared im going to be too busy or too old and have nobody to do it with.

i can't move out early either because I'm not doing residence and i have no job and won't be allowed to have a job unless I get one behind my parents' backs which is crazy that I need to do that in the first place. I'm very privileged in a normal sense that I have loving friends and food and shelter and my parents are definitely not in financial need but sometimes i feel like I'll never escape and be able to be myself and have fun with the things I love, and we all only live once and i just wasted all my childhood responsibility-less years away being micromanaged. sorry if this rant was incomprehesible/all over the place, my emotions are getting the better of me rn

I fucking hate this. This is making everything in my life 100x more difficult. I can't live where I want, can't move for better job opportunities, limited options going back to school, flip flopping child back and forth, daycare in a different city, child not going to my school district. I hate everything about this. I wish I never met my daughter's mother. I wish my daughter came out of someone else.

I rlly feel like no one will get me, and I'm serious. my alcohol addiction is rlly bad:/

and I feel like I don't get to speak here bc I'm way too deep in my shit

I put the flair as triggering content due to: death of a person and an animal

I can't remember a time in my life where I felt like I was actually alive and not just surviving if not dreaming. I can't tell sometimes if I am actually dreaming or not until after the day is over. And othertimes I can't even remember what happened that same day.

Sometimes I actually start my day out thinking things are okay and I am not just dissociating and then it ends up turning into a day that I dissociate until I find myself sitting in the dark or getting ready to go on a drive(somehow driving brings me back to reality)

Today was one of those days. I started out this morning good I actually remember getting ready and didn't just do the whole thing while only physically awake. Once I got into my car and started driving off I found my cat dead in the center of the road. She got hit within the 15 minutes my father left for work and I left for work.

I try not to let it get to me that hard(still rather upsetting) and continue to drive to work. About 5 minutes in to my drive I get pulled over by state patrol because apparently my headlight went out over the weekend and I didn't notice. Okay, well it shouldn't be a big deal right? Well, apparently my vehicle insurance had been renewed yesterday and is all digital now so I don't have an insurance card(it's my parents policy and it can be difficult to get information about it from them sometimes). For some stupid reason I didn't think to call my parents to get a picture of the insurance policy and now I have court summons...

Later on this same day I am told that a relative(not one I was very close to but other family members where) had just committed suicide.

Throughout the day I have also worried about what I will do for health insurance now. Not today but last week I had learned that I am getting kicked off my health insurance plan and I have to either find a new plan and pay for that(which I probably can't afford) or I am just going to have to pray I never get hospitalized.

After getting home I found the rest of my cats found their sister dead on the road.(Don't worry she has had a burial) Now I am worried about my other cats mental health as they have been very skittish since I've been home and didn't want to leave my side.

I just want to have a day for once in my life where I can actually feel like I am not scraping tooth and nail to stay sane. I constantly feel like I could fall on the floor and have to pretend I am okay. I have been told my whole life that when I was an adult I would miss when I was a kid. I don't miss being a kid but I also don't like being an adult. I am just trapped in a body trying to autopilot my way through life.

Do you not think that if I could let it go, I would?

I know people refuse to believe it but yes, CPTSD is still very much a problem in your adult life. No, just because it happened a long time ago doesn’t mean I should be “over it” by now. When your brain is rewired as a result of trauma, neglect, or abuse, you will not think, behave, or process things the same way as someone who didn’t have those experiences to a similar degree.

Yes, being told for the first 20y of your life that you lack intelligence and natural skills, that you’re not as good as the next person, that if you’re not good at it the first few times that it isn’t worth trying bc all you’ll do is embarrass yourself, and being physically assaulted for making mistakes at any level WILL MESS YOU UP IN YOUR ADULT LIFE.

Add shame and embarrassment as a form of punishment on top of all that and it’s a recipe for stunted growth and development.

I’m fucking trying. I cannot rewire my brain. Therapy? Can’t afford it. Talking to friends? No one gets it! All they tell you is “no you’re not dumb, you have control” I. Fucking. Know. But my brain is wired to make every moment a fight-or-flight scenario and when that’s triggered, it’s fucked. Yes I have coping techniques and I’m on medication but it’s only a band aid.

It’s fucking hard and I just need a mf to acknowledge that. No, I don’t want to read or see anyone blaming me back, trust me, I do it every second of every day.

This really bothers me. I know two bad parents; they come up with a hundred excuses not to take their kids anywhere. They're in pain, they didn't sleep well, they're stressed, and so on, but they have the energy to watch hours and hours of YouTube or TV, play video games, go to the store just because they're in the mood to eat something different, but can't sit in a park while their kids play? They literally hide away in their room for hours, get annoyed when their kids want their attention, and get angry when the kids want them to come to the living room. I'm so sorry you have to take care of the kids you wanted.

They also constantly fight; I mean, screaming and saying horrible things to each other. They think because they do it in their room, it's fine, but the walls are thin, so they kid's can hear everything.

I have been in survival mode for close to a year, spending everyday just trying to survive it. But as time has gone on I've come full circle back to wanting to live my life again.

When I am old and gray I want to know that even if I have regrets I did the best with what I had and enjoy my limited amount of time.

Recently I've started running at night, and yk its fall so its chilly but feeling the cold air and if its rained seeing the shimmer on the ground is just something else yk?

I just want more things like that I want to appreciate it all before it goes.

Our time here is so small it's crazy.

Idk what flair to choose, this is just a whiny self pitying type of vent

Idk man, I’m just tired of being the one who reaches out first. Who starts the conversations first. Who apologizes first. Who checks in.

For once I just want to be the one considered. And I know I sound dramatic and very self centered, but no one has ever doubled back in my life to say I’m sorry for xyz argument/feud/insult and actually wanted me back JUST as a presence in their life. They just leave every single time cold turkey. And even though when I am the one who could very well be treated unfairly in trivial situations, they just never say I’m sorry. They will say the most uncouth things and rude things, fundamental digs. And it’s just like okay I understand your mad and it’s fine. But aren’t you going to apologize when my actions and intentions weren’t even malicious in the first place. Like fuck I must be that bad of a person and must not see it. I keep trying to have open conversations and actively listen, but it’s just an inevitable fate.

Idk I just want to be wanted enough over an ego stroke. And it just makes me sad and upset that no one really wants to fight for my presence as much as I actively fight for theirs. Like I’m the type of person that if a lover doesn’t want me, I still want the opportunity to see them be happy and cheer them on. If a friend from the past called me saying they were in a crisis, I will listen and spend the hours working with them. I rotate and check in on my friends every day.

And one might say, boundaries and reciprocation~. Which sure I agree, lay the boundary and if they don’t respect it then they never cared. But right now? I barely even have a true circle anymore, I don’t hang out with anyone. All my “friends” are virtual. I don’t make plans with anyone. I am pretty much alone. And beggars can’t be choosers.

Idk I just want someone to value me for once. I want to be surprised with an ex sliding back just to tell me their honest view of me. I want to be surprised with a ex friend apologizing or asking to talk. I just want to be wanted. And I’m tired of being the one who chooses the other over the fight.

I'm 16 and I like pens a lot, I design them, build them, and I also just have a lot of nice pens.

I bring only two pens to school that I know will not draw too much attention (Eg. aren't too bling)

Combined they are about 40 dollars worth of pens, a lot I know but all of us have our hobbies.
So in class today I'm minding my own business and then some guy just picks it up my (brass) pen looks at it, and chucks it on the floor, then someone god damn steps on it. It uses a Gravity selector Mechanism which is rattling now and not working.

Obviously, what the fuck. I ain't no snitch but that bitch costs money, so I went to the office and for the kids to pay for it. They pulled out some coins. When I explained to them, that they fucked up my pen, they started carrying on like "why would you even bring that pen to school, just buy the plastic ones" Obviously, a fair point, but regardless, JUST DONT FUCKING TOUCH MY SHIT and we wouldn't have this issue.

Same thing with my bikes, I have a 32 year old Shogun samurai which is relatively blinged out. I brought it to school to show my friends because it was the first day after I got it powdercoated, and guess what, I look over at it, and some kid is just fully dropping it and doing "suspension tests" (it's a joke because the shogun doesn't have suspension, it just ruins the bearings when you do that) I tell the kid to fuck off and we get into a struggle as he tries to fight me. I look at the bike, massive scratch in my fresh 300 dollar powdercoat. Just mind your own business fam.

I'm so ready to leave high school.

Hi, so the thing is. I'm ugly. I'm really ugly. I got no friends, was nobody's choice and I'm in general just the last option if everyone else is taken. It sucks, it really sucks.

Nobody cares sadly about any good character trait anymore. Supportive, Friendly, Good listener, That's all great, well not if you're ugly.

People just want my help and my kindness and not me.

I don't get dates, people laughed at me for asking people out, people told me straight up I was too "bad for them". And someone recommended facialsurgery.

I really would love to make any experience, literally any, I would love to have a family at some point in my life, but that won't happen. Meh, my fault for being born unattractive.

Oh and before that whole hit the gym bro stuff starts, losing 30kg hasn't made a difference.

So guess I'm damned.