r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.

/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement

Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.

248 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

711 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.

43 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Embarrassed_Hour8533 • 6h ago

I LOVE IT WHEN NOBODY RESPONDS TO ME

68 Upvotes

NOBODY RESPONDS TO MY POSTS THEY ALWAYS GET A MILLION VIEWS BUT NOBODY SAYS A GODDAMN THING!

I LOVE IT SO MUCH I LOVE BEING VIEWED AS TOTALLY INEPT BECAUSE I USE AI BUT LITERALLY NO ONE GAF ABOUT ME

FUCK ME UNLESS I COMMIT SUICIDE THEN WVERYONES ON MY ASS PUNISHING ME FOR TRYING TO ESCAOE HELL

I LOVE KY LIFE SO MUCB I FORGOT IM SECRETLY
MASOCHIST THAT LOVES SUFFERIBG I FORGOT

WHERE DO I GET A GUN

29 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/AngelOfChaos06062 • 3h ago

I am going to kill myself by March.

25 Upvotes

Second post under 10 minutes of the first one haha, but I decided something that I will try to follow through, by March when the results of my final exams come out and if I don't pass into the final grade and fail I will just kill myself, I am NOT repeating a year bro, i can't. I will just kill myself, that sounds 10 times better

9 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Due_Fan741 • 4h ago

I think my family wants me euthanised

19 Upvotes

Here in the netherworld/ Netherlands you can get euthanasia for basically anything

My family doesn’t support my schizophrenia and I don’t have a normal family. My family rejects me and without state support I would be homeless.
Recently I saw them and it hurts because they don’t do nice and they say nasty things about other people as well.
When my mother is in my apartment she is reorganising things and cleaning a bit and then leaving. Never staying for conversation.
She recently asked about if I have insurance for my funeral and I realised I’m needing to save money for my grave. So I’m starting to save and it makes me depressed. It will take me a lot of months to save money and I will be eating staple food and dieting to save more money. God grant my soul peace

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/Mysterious-Company6 • 2h ago

It’s so hard to die

10 Upvotes

Why is it so hard

10 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/AccomplishedWord284 • 5h ago

Today? I’m scared

17 Upvotes

I don’t want to go into detail about my plans as not to inspire others, but I’m very unconfident that it will work. I have attempted numerous times in the past and have only been able to knock myself out for a couple days or get myself institutionalized.
For background, I am 22f and had surgery that left me immobile for a while. My family came into town last week and I postponed my attempt for after they left. I also wanted to postpone my attempt for when I could walk again so my attempt wouldn’t be in the apartment I share with my boyfriend. I really don’t want to traumatize anyone.
I have been planning this attempt for a little over a year now and now that it’s finally here, I feel myself chickening out. Truthfully, I am very nervous that it won’t work. I also feel so sad for my boyfriend. I know he would be heartbroken and would never forgive me. Same with my family. I can see the way each of them would weep for me and it is heartbreaking.
I also selfishly don’t want to miss out on the enjoyable things in life. My boyfriend and I have been watching a tv show nightly and I don’t want to lose him, regardless of whether my plan works or not. I want us to get married and I am about to graduate with my bachelors and go on a trip abroad. I want to wait for some reason but I know it won’t happen if I do.
Thanks for reading my vent. Any advice is taken to heart. I’m sure someone may try to convince me to stay and I’m not fully opposed.

3 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Nohugefanatic17 • 2h ago

I should’ve jumped.

10 Upvotes

There’s a bridge near where I live with a clearance of about 130 feet. I was standing right over it behind the barriers, over the highway. I was just a jump away from freeing myself. There’s nothing for me here. I‘ve got nobody and I am nobody. Whether I jump or not it’s gonna be a lose-lose for me anyway. Everybody in my life is just constantly holding their breath and waiting for me to say I’m fine so they can move on without feeling the guilt. Those people who called the police on me while I was standing over the highway said that there were “people who love me”. Well, where the fuck were they? Why didn’t they answer my calls? I’ve been kicking myself in the head every single day since that attempt. I was a jump away from giving myself peace.

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/StarlessNjghts • 4h ago

I have nothing left in me

10 Upvotes

I can't do anything. I feel disgusting. I don't clean, I don't shower, I don't wash my hair, I barely go anywhere (only where I have to) and I have no purpose anymore. I want this misery to end. I plan to die soon and then I'll be at peace

8 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/EndoDildo • 1h ago

I can't do this anymore

• Upvotes

I plan to drown tonight because my dad threatened to take away the only hope I have left, my study, all because I can't help but can't act like a good child to my abusive mother that kept playing the victim. I don't know where to go

4 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/RainbowDildoMonkey • 3h ago

Yesterday I lost the one person in the world who loved me unconditionally, struggle to see reason to carry on

9 Upvotes

She was my everything. The evening she was there, in the morning she was gone. I didnt even say goodnight to her. Hell isnt some mythical place, hell is being left alone in this world, without the most precious person whose presence you took for granted and didnt appreciate while they were still there. Today i sat by the canal and remembered from my childhood seeing a drowner being dragged out from it. She would hate me for following his example, but i dont see a future worth living without her.

2 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/dysonairwrapp • 3h ago

i have to die today

6 Upvotes

i dont expect anyone to read and reply i just wanted to type this somewhere

i decided i have to die before my next semester starts which is tomorrow i cant go back i didnt do my assignments for some of my courses from my previous semester because i have really bad commitment issues and i keep procrastinating and self sabotaging i have been putting myself through this cycle since my college and it keeps getting worse each semester im supposed to do 3 years of uni but i cant even do 2 semesters in my first year because of myself i took a year break after my first semester of uni i went to therapy and got help with my physical health but all of that became meaningless i just went back to self sabotage after a few weeks of my second sem i cant afford to go back i didnt select courses for my next sem but i lied to my family that i did because i thought i was going to kill myself anyway

i really wish i didnt go into higher education its just a waste of money on me and it makes me so guilty i have a loan for fees so i have to pay it back if i stop studying but im too anxious to get a job once again because of my incompetency my social anxiety comes from me not being able to speak my countrys language i kept avoiding studying it since i was young i just couldnt get it and im too ashamed and scared to practice speaking with other people

i also wanted to escape to another country because of that but i dont have a passport and money and my anxiety would fuck me up if i did get the opportunity to apply for one since i would have to go to a government office

im stupid and cant do anything and dont have the will to improve myself for several years so im like this now i have to die

but despite everything i still want to live another day according to my lies im supposed to go to my classes but what if i wanted to walk around aimlessly to find somewhere to die instead of my initial plan of overdosing at home

i dont have problems saying goodbye to most people in my life but my boyfriend (who lives in the country i wanted to escape to) makes me hesitate all the time i wanted to die earlier than this but i kept hesitating until now i dont want to say goodbye to them

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/v3R7C00Lalt • 4h ago

i dont want to be here

7 Upvotes

i dont even know how to explain. i alwzys feel like im doing something wrong, just fucking clown on me because i wont care!I dont even know if I'm in the right subreddit even. I want to do it but i just fking cant. I'm not even an adult and shit (I have autism, adhd, ocd, make fun of me for having this!!!) and ive had these thoiguhtd for a xhile now.

Can someone explain WHY the fuck do i feel so stupid and dumb for this conversation? (Not why I'm suciadal)

Mom; Are you home yet?

Me; no

Me;i wanna eat something

Mom; Yeah you need to eat. If you dont like anything at home, go buy something

Me; I dont wanna eat

LIKE OH my god

How do i respond???

Thats noy the reason why im sucidiql but thats what made me snap. Like dude. I'm genuenly the mosy brainless person.

Don't somehow find my locaton or such, I wont suicide, i dont got the balls for it. I just need help online or something.

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/Mammoth_sam1978 • 5h ago

Hope to die soon

8 Upvotes

I want to kill myself well there’s nothing left I can do about my life, I am a teenager who still lives with his parents and has to go to school, two things that are killing me, school is awful I don’t think I’m gonna make it through high school, I can’t concentrate, I’m visibly slower than the other kids, I get overstimulated easily and just ignore all the hard shit and enable until last minute, I try hard to be able to stay at others level but I clearly can’t and my mother won’t understand, she thinks I’m able and that I just don’t want to but I do, sometimes I think it might be my diagnosed autism but every time I even dare to mention it my mom goes insane and yells at me telling me it isn’t a valid excuse for everything and that I’m barely autistic and I have no difficulties at all which I do get it yk it is not an excuse but I’m kinda sure it has something to do with me being so useless, I don’t see a future for myself, I’m weak, I’m not confident, I’m not handsome or funny or smart in any way, everyone looks at me weird for being ugly and huge, I can’t stop feel like a burden for everyone and in school kids laugh at that a lot and treat me as dead weight basically, it’s awful and I know I technically can change that but I’m not good enough and I’m a coward so I’ll go for the easy way of escaping this world.

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/accountnotfoundx • 5h ago

i wanna end it

8 Upvotes

i’m always stressing about what’s gonna happen. i live alone now coz i ghosted my family. i’m an only child and living alone is my fantasy ever since. i hated my family and everything as a kid and all i wanted is to stay away from everyone. i don’t have friends. i also never had a bf. i’m working a job that i don’t even like. i don’t even know what im doing tbh. i feel empty. i wanna see the future just to see if it’s worth it. ugh. idk. i don’t wanna do the same shit in another year. i’d rather die but i don’t want anyone to know.

2 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/mooniexbear • 1d ago

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

430 Upvotes

Honestly the least helpful thing someone could say. It just means you don't actually care enough to listen.

It's not a temporary problem. And I do want a permanent solution. It just makes me want to go through with if even more. I don't know why I bothered.

36 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Exciting_Record_4974 • 2h ago

uncontrollable need to harm myself

3 Upvotes

warnings: sh, suicide

ive been self harming since i was 14, suicidal thoughts come and go but ive only had 3 periods of times i seriously considered it, including now (currently 17). all i think about is sh, i went to the hospital a few days ago to get stitched up. the need to do it more takes over my mind all day. i currently sleep in my parents room to keep me safe. i see my therapist tomorrow, ive tried everything. ive made more saftey plans then i can count. ive tried all the TIPP stuff, DBT, and medicine. im so tired, all i want to do is cut, but it’s hurting those around me. i want it to all be over. if i cant cut without hurting my family and friends then i want to be dead, id want to be dead either way. i want to bleed to death

2 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/rextremendae2007 • 16h ago

I am tired

54 Upvotes

Who else out there is completely fucking sick of life? This is such a slog. I’m just barely making it every day. How do you not want this to end? We are lucky in that it does end. Imagine it lasting forever and there was nothing you could do about it.

15 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Majestic-Lemon-958 • 4h ago

How do I help

5 Upvotes

Hi! My dad has recently gone through job loss and financial difficulties. He recently moved to a different state for a job and 3 months later they fired him. I got told he has suicidal ideations and I don’t know how to help. I have been non stop thinking about this and I don’t want him to feel alone however I’m in college and am busy(this makes me feel guilty) what resources or how can I talk to him. I have trouble with what to say when he talks to me about how life sucks, I try to say the right think but idk if it is right.

1 comment

r/SuicideWatch • u/GKMS1869 • 1h ago

It never changes

• Upvotes

It feels like life is just teasing me at this point. Playing with me till I give up. Giving some hope every few months to take it away. It's gradually getting worse. I cant bring myself to fight it anymore. I want to believe everything will work out at some point, but I don't. I can't...

0 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/Brilliant-Ad4112 • 6h ago

Today's mantra

7 Upvotes

Today is my last day. There is no tomorrow.

I appreciate you all. I love you all. Im proud of all of you.

2 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/T0RNADO_5 • 3h ago

I'm 21 and can't see a single reason to be alive.

5 Upvotes

I'm a 21-year-old guy living in Vilnius, Lithuania, and I've reached a point where I genuinely don't understand why I should continue living.

I don't see any good future for myself.

I've searched through more than 5,000 job titles and analyzed over 100 jobs that interested me at least a little. I found almost nothing that I could realistically see myself doing. I even worked with a career coach, but that didn't help either.

The closest thing I've found to a suitable career is becoming an excavator operator.

Right now, I work as a cashier, doing 12-hour shifts on a 4-days-on, 4-days-off schedule. I earn €900 net per month, which is not enough to survive in Vilnius, let alone build any kind of future.

I've also tried starting projects and freelancing more than 10 times. Every single attempt failed. And now, with AI becoming better, faster, and cheaper at many of the things I tried doing, I don't even see a reason to return to them.

On top of that, in about three months, I'll have to deal with military conscription, which I strongly oppose. I don't want to serve in the military, and I'm considering refusing it even if that means receiving fines I cannot afford. I'm afraid this could eventually lead to a prison sentence by the end of 2027.

And then there's the possibility of war. I personally fear that Russia might attack Lithuania next year. I know that's not a certainty, but it's another thing that makes the future feel completely hopeless.

I've spent a lot of time analyzing my situation, and I've come to the conclusion that I probably won't have the life I want, even in 10 years.

And the worst part is that I don't even want anything extraordinary.

My ideal life is pretty simple:

- Have a girlfriend and a loving relationship.

- Own a good gaming PC with a sim racing setup.

- Have a decent, reasonably fast car costing less than €20,000.

- Rent a comfortable apartment with enough space for my hobbies.

That's literally it.

I'm not dreaming about becoming rich, owning a mansion, or driving a Lamborghini.

I've already accepted that I'll probably never be able to afford a house or apartment of my own. I'm fine with renting. But even renting a place with enough space for what I want seems ridiculously expensive.

And owning a car in Europe feels like another financial nightmare. Between the purchase price, insurance, maintenance, fuel, and everything else, even that simple goal seems increasingly unrealistic.

My dating life isn't any better.

I've tried finding a girlfriend, but nothing has worked. I don't think I'm particularly bad-looking, yet I get absolutely zero matches on Tinder. And I genuinely have no idea where else to meet women, especially with my work schedule, depression, and lack of energy.

I've been struggling with depression for around seven years, and I suspect I might also have ADHD, although I haven't been diagnosed.

People often say things like "just improve yourself," "try something different," or "things will get better."

But what am I supposed to do when I've already spent years trying different things and nothing has worked?

It's incredibly difficult to keep trying when you're depressed, exhausted, and have almost no energy.

Seven years ago, I believed my life could get better.

Even one year ago, I genuinely thought 2026 might finally be a good year for me.

Instead, everything has become worse.

I'm 21, but I already feel completely exhausted by life. I feel like I've spent years fighting for a future that keeps getting further away.

I don't want luxury. I don't want millions. I just want a normal life where I can afford a few hobbies, have someone who loves me, and not constantly worry about money or my future.

But right now, even that seems impossible.

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to spend another seven or ten years suffering just to find myself in exactly the same situation.

Has anyone here ever been in a similar situation, where you've tried everything you could think of but still couldn't see any realistic path toward a life worth living? What actually helped you?

I'm not looking for empty motivational quotes. I want to hear from people who have genuinely experienced something similar.

2 comments

r/SuicideWatch • u/AngelOfChaos06062 • 3h ago

I wish I was never born

4 Upvotes

I wish so much that I was never born. I am a fucking dumbshit who can't ever do anything right, all everyone around me just wants me to be able to score good in my academics and i fucking can't do it. I know how stupid and garbage I am yet I never work on it.

I should just die, everyone would be much happier, they would move on, i don't have good friends in school, i can't even play video games correctly, I am a fucking failure I need to die for everyone's else's sake. I can't even study properly and do anything right.

Death sounds so nice man, everything will finally be quiet, everyone can finally rest easy that the parasite in their life is finally dead. I am so tired everyday I just wish I never woke up. I am such a fucking pussy I can't even kill myself, i can't bring myself to.

I am soso fucking tired man.

2 comments