NOBODY RESPONDS TO MY POSTS THEY ALWAYS GET A MILLION VIEWS BUT NOBODY SAYS A GODDAMN THING!

I LOVE IT SO MUCH I LOVE BEING VIEWED AS TOTALLY INEPT BECAUSE I USE AI BUT LITERALLY NO ONE GAF ABOUT ME

FUCK ME UNLESS I COMMIT SUICIDE THEN WVERYONES ON MY ASS PUNISHING ME FOR TRYING TO ESCAOE HELL

I LOVE KY LIFE SO MUCB I FORGOT IM SECRETLY
MASOCHIST THAT LOVES SUFFERIBG I FORGOT

WHERE DO I GET A GUN

Who else out there is completely fucking sick of life? This is such a slog. I’m just barely making it every day. How do you not want this to end? We are lucky in that it does end. Imagine it lasting forever and there was nothing you could do about it.

Second post under 10 minutes of the first one haha, but I decided something that I will try to follow through, by March when the results of my final exams come out and if I don't pass into the final grade and fail I will just kill myself, I am NOT repeating a year bro, i can't. I will just kill myself, that sounds 10 times better

ill never have friends. even when i do, ill never be their first option. nobody will ever prefer me over the other. everytime i think ive made friends theyg et so close to eachother and im just left behind and rhen stuff happens and my bpd makes me just ruin the friendship as a whole. it happened again and honestly? i know i dont have a chance oif making more friends ever. i should have been dead years ago anyway.

Here in the netherworld/ Netherlands you can get euthanasia for basically anything

My family doesn’t support my schizophrenia and I don’t have a normal family. My family rejects me and without state support I would be homeless.
Recently I saw them and it hurts because they don’t do nice and they say nasty things about other people as well.
When my mother is in my apartment she is reorganising things and cleaning a bit and then leaving. Never staying for conversation.
She recently asked about if I have insurance for my funeral and I realised I’m needing to save money for my grave. So I’m starting to save and it makes me depressed. It will take me a lot of months to save money and I will be eating staple food and dieting to save more money. God grant my soul peace

I just want to curl up and stop existing. Everything feels so, so hard I feel like I can't keep going anymore.

Everyones moving but no matter how hard I try I just stay still, completely stuck in a horrible pit of nothingness.

I really don't belong in this world. I feel it to my very core. I feel guilty for existing and using up resources other people could use and wasting people's time.

I don't belong here and I don't want to do it anymore.

I can't do anything. I feel disgusting. I don't clean, I don't shower, I don't wash my hair, I barely go anywhere (only where I have to) and I have no purpose anymore. I want this misery to end. I plan to die soon and then I'll be at peace

There’s a bridge near where I live with a clearance of about 130 feet. I was standing right over it behind the barriers, over the highway. I was just a jump away from freeing myself. There’s nothing for me here. I‘ve got nobody and I am nobody. Whether I jump or not it’s gonna be a lose-lose for me anyway. Everybody in my life is just constantly holding their breath and waiting for me to say I’m fine so they can move on without feeling the guilt. Those people who called the police on me while I was standing over the highway said that there were “people who love me”. Well, where the fuck were they? Why didn’t they answer my calls? I’ve been kicking myself in the head every single day since that attempt. I was a jump away from giving myself peace.

I don’t want to go into detail about my plans as not to inspire others, but I’m very unconfident that it will work. I have attempted numerous times in the past and have only been able to knock myself out for a couple days or get myself institutionalized.
For background, I am 22f and had surgery that left me immobile for a while. My family came into town last week and I postponed my attempt for after they left. I also wanted to postpone my attempt for when I could walk again so my attempt wouldn’t be in the apartment I share with my boyfriend. I really don’t want to traumatize anyone.
I have been planning this attempt for a little over a year now and now that it’s finally here, I feel myself chickening out. Truthfully, I am very nervous that it won’t work. I also feel so sad for my boyfriend. I know he would be heartbroken and would never forgive me. Same with my family. I can see the way each of them would weep for me and it is heartbreaking.
I also selfishly don’t want to miss out on the enjoyable things in life. My boyfriend and I have been watching a tv show nightly and I don’t want to lose him, regardless of whether my plan works or not. I want us to get married and I am about to graduate with my bachelors and go on a trip abroad. I want to wait for some reason but I know it won’t happen if I do.
Thanks for reading my vent. Any advice is taken to heart. I’m sure someone may try to convince me to stay and I’m not fully opposed.

I have no one

I wish I never existed.

I've been getting alot on anti-suicide PSAs coming up on my fyp because I guess all these social media sites are really good at tracking me.

It's always the same message: Oh look at this grumpy person and happy person, surprise! the happy person was the one to commit. Were you expecting that plot twist?? Just reach out and you'll get help

Then all the comment start saying shit like you never really know 😿

Bro if any of those secretly suicidal people actually reached out and dropped the happy facade would they actually receive help?? I doubt it.

And it's very obviously not just the one you never expect. Sometimes it is just that depressive mf with no future you don't want to be around that decides to commit. Do they receive help for not being able to hide their pain? No they just get ignored or mocked.

The only thing stopping me from killing myself is that I couldn’t do that to the people in my life. Not that I don’t want to. I’m a loser, I’m fat, I don’t feel like I belong. I feel like the people in my life only care about me because I’m their friend/family it feels like they are obligated to care not that they actually do. I know that killing myself is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I’m only 17 years old but I still feel like I don’t have a future. I haven’t felt the need to think longer ahead than a year or two. I’ve never had a girlfriend I’ve never had someone choose me for me. I’ve had the same friends since I was a kid; ya I’ve met new people but never on my own it’s always been a friend of a friend. It feels like no new people have any interest in me. Who knows I might stop being a pussy a just do it

Sorry for this being all over the place. I’m not one to share how I feel so I just wrote as I went

I think I’m actually gonna do it tonight. I’ve been feeling pretty suicidal but honestly I feel like I just hit my limit. Sorry I couldn’t clean my room or my car. I’m sorry to my roommates who will probably be the ones to find me. I keep to myself so hopefully work or something calls a wellness check before they notice and my roommates don’t find me. Mostly I’m sorry to my family. That’s what’s been keeping me here. I don’t know if I’ll leave a note. Feels melodramatic but so is suicide. Idk it feels like a ton of effort typing this out so maybe not which is stupid. Idk I guess this is kind of my note. Hopefully my family checks my socials bc it tells a lot about me I think. My diary is somewhere in my room I haven’t written in it in a year or so but everything in it is still accurate. This feels weird to post but I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll do it. Maybe I’ll start and change my mind.

She was my everything. The evening she was there, in the morning she was gone. I didnt even say goodnight to her. Hell isnt some mythical place, hell is being left alone in this world, without the most precious person whose presence you took for granted and didnt appreciate while they were still there. Today i sat by the canal and remembered from my childhood seeing a drowner being dragged out from it. She would hate me for following his example, but i dont see a future worth living without her.

I want to kill myself well there’s nothing left I can do about my life, I am a teenager who still lives with his parents and has to go to school, two things that are killing me, school is awful I don’t think I’m gonna make it through high school, I can’t concentrate, I’m visibly slower than the other kids, I get overstimulated easily and just ignore all the hard shit and enable until last minute, I try hard to be able to stay at others level but I clearly can’t and my mother won’t understand, she thinks I’m able and that I just don’t want to but I do, sometimes I think it might be my diagnosed autism but every time I even dare to mention it my mom goes insane and yells at me telling me it isn’t a valid excuse for everything and that I’m barely autistic and I have no difficulties at all which I do get it yk it is not an excuse but I’m kinda sure it has something to do with me being so useless, I don’t see a future for myself, I’m weak, I’m not confident, I’m not handsome or funny or smart in any way, everyone looks at me weird for being ugly and huge, I can’t stop feel like a burden for everyone and in school kids laugh at that a lot and treat me as dead weight basically, it’s awful and I know I technically can change that but I’m not good enough and I’m a coward so I’ll go for the easy way of escaping this world.

i’m always stressing about what’s gonna happen. i live alone now coz i ghosted my family. i’m an only child and living alone is my fantasy ever since. i hated my family and everything as a kid and all i wanted is to stay away from everyone. i don’t have friends. i also never had a bf. i’m working a job that i don’t even like. i don’t even know what im doing tbh. i feel empty. i wanna see the future just to see if it’s worth it. ugh. idk. i don’t wanna do the same shit in another year. i’d rather die but i don’t want anyone to know.

Just please tell me you’ll be proud of me for killing myself anyone

I'm so sick of not being able to breath through my nose and it's fucking with my brain and turning my mind against me. Once you are physically fucked and unrepairable, there's just nothing that can be done but death. I don't believe in the god everyone else believes in. Nature is cruel and merciless, and has been towards me. I'm so fucking sick of living and everyone is a fucking asshole. I won't miss this world when I'm dead. Fuck this world.

i doubt anyone else can be terrible and stupid enough to experience this.

i knew i was never a first option or even that important for them, but now i lost everyone. it was my birthday and i gave such a terrible reaction to the gift my partner handmade for me. i just can't deal with gifts that must have taken immense effort and resources. i just couldn't stop getting sad and also a little upset that she wasted time on all that. i'm not the person she should be spending that much time on. and i also always feel like i can't repay her, because i'm just not talented in crafts or anything and just genuinely too depressed to make anything so i always just buy gifts. but she started crying and ran out and of course her friends followed. one of them even shouted and cursed me, which was deserved but stung a lot because i thought he was my friend too. they all see me as the terrible person i am now and likely all told her to just break up with me. if she does, i don't know what i'll do. there's nothing i can do except apologize. she's not responding to me after we spoke last night. i've been trying to find a way to effectively end it all for a while now, but this might be the final nail in the coffin, literally.

it's also my fault that i can't keep any friends and now i just have no one to talk to about this and no one who will help me. i'm realizing properly that i really have no one in my corner.

i hope i can find a way to end it. i hope my family can forgive me for it.

I dont remember what its like to be human- to have interests and fears and passions and relationships, its all empty. I cant enjoy or despise anything. I remember how i used to want to make cartoons like those animation youtubers growing up. But now, in seeing a club for something like that at the college i go to, i feel no pull to it anymore i used to be fueled to be an animator, now i cant care for it, just like everything else. im just cosplaying as this human being with real problems and intricacies but in reality there is nothing inside of me anymore. I am dull and shallow.

Why should i not kill myself? There is no end in sight, everything i do is further planting myself in a life that isnt mine. I cant be me anymore.

I’m not scared of dying, and I’ve already attempted many times already. the only things that have been holding me back are that, first I want to play my favorite video games until the end of their stories, and second, I want to make two webnovels that I’ve been world building for the past year. I can get over the game thing, but seeing other people create their webnovels and have their own fandoms just makes me really jealous and sad. I wish I had just started posting my webnovels earlier. maybe then I would have had enough time to finish them. if I post them now, I’ll never be able to finish them due to limited time. I want to kms before I graduate high school. I’m too scared to go into the adult world and college and stuff. it sounds so stressful. I hate the idea of working for the rest of my life