Recently (past 3 days) I haven’t been actively thinking about ending my life. But if my house was on fire, I’d accept my fate. I am very welcoming of death and if something dangerous was to happen I wouldn’t try to escape. I don’t value my life and wouldn’t mind if I died in my sleep tonight. Infact, I would like to die in my sleep tonight. I don’t see myself living for much longer. I know one day I’ll do it, but not right now.

Does anyone else feel this way? I’m very jealous because my cousin has so many prescribed sleeping pills and if I had them I would already be gone. Is it normal to be jealous of her being able to just die any time she wants? She’s not suicidal or anything but I wish I had access to pills like that.

Like unless something happens to me I really don’t see myself dying any other way, and in some messed up way I see that as poetic in a sense.

I wanted to give myself a few more years to see if things changed, to see if things got better. I've tried improving myself in many ways and yet, my mental state keeps getting worse.

I no longer enjoy the things I used to love, I just want to sleep all day. Just existing is exhausting. I look at myself in the mirror and I just get the urge to self harm, I hate myself with every fibre of my being. I just want to disappear.

I've decided to just live my life, stop caring about anything and end it once I'm ready.

The idea of death is comforting, I'm glad suffering is not forever, I can chose when to stop and leave.

Now I don’t know what to do. For the last year my whole life revolved around my 32 year old fiancé and her 4 kids. I woke up, worked as a stay at home dad to those in kids did my best and repeated the cycle day in and day out for a year.

For a year I tried and tried and tried and I got better yes, but eventually we each came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t be what she needed at this moment. So we mutually broke it off, and that was fine. She told me she’d help me get back on my feet in a completely new state and give me the money back that I originally gave her at the start of our relationship.

Well then after not 2 weeks she brought over another guy to fuck. Not 50 feet away from me, and it devastated me. I gave this woman my virginity, my love, my admiration and I was willing to help her in anyway I could.

I even asked her if I could get a hotel or something, anything to where I didn’t have to be in that house. But she denied and refused and it broke me. I went into a manic episode for 3 days and ended up in the hospital with what the doctors called “Stressed induced DKA” (diabetic Keto acidosis) I’m a type 1 diabetic.

Even after seeing how badly it affected me, and how much it was hurting me. She wouldn’t just put her dating life aside for one minute in order to make sure her ex fiancé didn’t end up dead. We fought she drained our joint bank account of our money and told me to “Figure it out” after giving me only a grand back. And a grand doesn’t go far these days.

Now I’m back home, in my childhood bed. Living in my dad and step mom’s house bringing all the “skills” I learned back with me but now, being back in this tiny little town. I feel more lonely than ever, the same crushing, compounding, feeling that I had before I met her is back.

Now that’s killing me. I’ve never really been happy alone, and never will be honestly. I’ve always felt like I needed someone else to be happy, with myself. But oh well… now I’m almost 20 and have basically nothing to my name.

i have no friends. last year i had one friend, but she moved on without me. got new friends in college and never looked back.

i haven’t really had any friends since. i always try to do something fun for halloween every year, but this year ive just been fucking dreading it. it’s a reminder of how alone i am. how i can’t even go anywhere or do anything fun because im not invited and have no one to go with. it’s a reminder of my own failure.

think i might just get drunk and hand out the candy to trick or treaters. but i truly truly want to die, i hate that my favorite day of the year is one of the most depressing for me now.

I want to sleep and not wake up anymore. I know I'll harm my friends and family. I wish they would forget I exist. Today I really wish I could die. I always push through. But today I have no hope left. My existence is ridiculous. My ex cringes at the thought of me. I depend on romance to exist. I am a drug addict. I have no hope of getting sober. I lost so much weight my pants are falling down when I walk. I hate my job and my coworkers hate me as well. I have loving friends and family but I really wish they would let me go. I want to die so badly. Please, please, god, take me tonight. Bless my family and friends and let them know it's better this way. There's no way for me to be happy. I am weak. I am not made for surviving. KILL ME GOD PLEASE

i made a post on my account a bit ago, and im qu if i should end it all. i had a knife at my throat 5 minutes ago, and i have a ton of cuts already. ive lost anything i stand for. im a wimp. im stupid. i talk too much, and im chopped as hell. at least there’s one person i can “talk” to, but she lives like, 10 hours away. idk what to do atp.

I'm 20F and I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 12. I used to cut myself because of family problems and anxiety so I could feel some sort of relief. I stopped doing it a few years later after I caused an injury that left me unable to move my arm for a month. Over time I noticed I started feeling less and less emotions. Less happiness, less sadness, less anger. I didn't care about anything anymore and everything seemed empty. But it's wasn't as desperate as it was years ago, now I simply don't care about anything.

I dropped out of school and I have no plans for the future, although I don't want any either. The idea of working my entire life in a country where most young people can't even afford to live independently disgusts me. I don't want to make the effort to live such a difficult life when I always wanted to die. I don't enjoy traveling or eating, I used to like reading and drawing long ago but now I've lost all interest in them. I don't enjoy living, and I don't think I truly ever did. I was just surviving.

I plan to make an effort to look for a job, anything that gives me some money. And then look for the least painful way to end my life.

—even though I deserve it.

So I’ll just pass my time fantasizing: leaping off buildings, hacking off my limbs, smashing my skull against walls.

I wasn’t made for this world. I’m a waste of an able body.

14f im so tired of living, it seems like nothings ever gonna get better. i have zero motivation for anything whatsoever and it feels like everyone hates me. im failing all my classes no matter how hard i try and im just so lazy and i never have motivation to study or anything which i know i should be doing if i wanna pass my classes but its just so hard… i turned to sh as a coping mechanism but now im just addicted to it. i literally have nobody and nobody wants me here and i keep getting bullied at school and they tell me to kms and anyways and it seems like theres no point in life anymore

The thought of not being here gets easier every day. The desire had been there since the childhood abuse, it never left. I'm tired. M36

I wish I were sick, so that this slow death within me might have a reason. Instead, I write poetry so desperately, hoping to leave behind words that might offer the people I love some explanation, perhaps even a little comfort. As though the right words could make sense of an absence that should never have to be explained.

Most nights, my mind wanders toward imagined accidents and ways of simply not being here anymore. I cry thinking about the countless ways the news could reach the people I love, and I ache knowing that no explanation could spare them from the pain. Sometimes, I even consider making myself someone they could hate, foolishly believing that resentment might hurt them less than grief.

I think about my little sister, and I hate that I ever have to wonder why I came first. Why did my parents bring home a baby girl into a world that can be so cruel to women? Who will protect her when I cannot? Who will remind her of her worth when the world tries to make her forget it?

I know that no words of mine could ever prepare her for a loss like this, and that thought breaks me in ways I cannot explain. I love her so much that imagining her grief feels unbearable. I don't want to take anything away from her life. She is so sweet, and the last thing I would ever want is for the world to turn that sweetness into bitterness.

We're reaching an age where she will begin to find more of herself, where she will become her own person in ways I can only begin to imagine. I would like to believe that I've helped her grow a little stronger, that I've given her some of the tools she'll need to navigate a world that doesn't always handle gentle souls with care. I hope she knows she deserves kindness, that she never has to become cruel just to survive.

I wish I could promise her that everything will be all right. I wish I could promise myself the same.

Perhaps that's what hurts most: loving people so deeply while feeling so lost inside yourself that you don't know how to stay. I have so many words left to write, so many things I wish I knew how to say aloud. And somewhere beneath all of them is a part of me that wishes someone could understand the silence, too.

I do not know how much longer I can write; even the words begin to escape me, for I am an ordinary man with uncommon thoughts I never sought.

I keep thinking I’m going to get better, but one inconvenience leads me back to feeling suicidal the same as o was last year. I have nobody to talk to and I’m just sick of myself.im so ambitious but I can never do anything right. I just really want someone to be with me.

I don't think it's ever going to get better after spending most of my life that I can remember with these thoughts. So far I have lied to my therapist by saying I don't have any specific ideas or plans on how I would carry it out. I have three that pop up the most in my mind. I have the means for one method and the other two don't really require anything. I fear that by admitting it I would risk getting in trouble.

😮‍💨

19F, had a four month long anxious depressive episode (with thoughts) where I was doing socially destructive behaviors out of complete disregard for myself. Had some severed relationships because of it. I don’t know how to pick myself up anymore. I feel like my life has been too much, I’ve been hospitalized for depression and anxiety twice in my life already and I started having thoughts when I was around 18 (after I graduated high school I just felt like a complete failure). I know some people understand my situation but I feel like no one would ever fully accept me after my mental breakdown.

I dont feel like i have a home. I live with my abusive parents because I'm disabled and they have a student living there too. She took my bedroom which I guess is fine because a few rapes happened to me in that bed. But she also like.... has stolen my parents. Not that I had much of a set of parents anyway. I'm just jealous that she gets 2 sets of parents that love her but I get ½. Its painful to see her get sooo much praise and enthusiasm because I have never ever gotten that.

Anyway. Blah blah something something trauma blah blah blah.

I'm currently in the hospital for gastroparesis issues and I just... I cant go home. I dont want to tell anyone I'm being discharged in the morning and I want to just stay on the streets. Ultimately I want assisted suicide. But thats not legal where I am. I want this suffering to stop. My anxiety meds were stopped cold turkey after a 5min chat with a brand new psyc after 6 years of being on my meds. Ever since, death has become more and more desirable. But I can't get my meds back again. They were 2 heavy duty drugs. No way will I get them back in the next 5 years. I just. Want. To die.

I’m in hospital and I’m waiting to be transferred to a specialized hospital for mental health. I’m so foggy and helpless I can barely hold a conversation. I feel so lonely all the time I just wish I didn’t feel that way. I don’t even understand why I feel lonely all the time I’m just sick and tired of it

for i'm starting to learn i may never be free

but though i may never be free

fuck you and your money

i'm tired of your money

the most evil nefarious corrupting invention of mankind. you want a roof over your head? work for it. you want food in your belly? work for it. want a place to shit? work for it

you want to live? work for it

fuck this evil fucking world and all of the fucking scum who made it this way. every single fucking one of you billionaire capitalists deserve to get flayed alive. nothing anyone can do in any amount of lifetimes could ever even begin to atone for the evil you have wrought on the world. things were never supposed to be this way. things never had to be this way. somewhere in another reality we are all living side by side, sharing each other's burdens and working toward the common good of all people. but you soulless empty fucking shells of human beings wanted your numbers to go up. you wanted your fifth yacht. you wanted a fucking vacation home on every continent. you wanted that number to go up just for the love of the game. like planet earth is your own personal video game

you people make me fucking sick and my only regret is that i can't take you all with me

Is there anyone struggling with mental health problems looking for someone that also have mommy issues C-PTSD autism ADHD BPD and no one loves them I am a man of legal age I need someone who understands me

Yeah im 24 years old living with my family and I hate it. Same food same shows same schedule. Constant fighting and blaming stuff on me. Nothing would make me happier then moving out but I cant right now. Both my parents arent in great health. They are constantly in hospital. We've been to the hospital or Dr's like 5 times this past month. Im working on getting a lincess for a job that'll help me move out im just tired of the same old shit. Also I feel like the favoritism is unfair. For my birthday only my grandma cared. My parents didn't even look at the list so of which was very cheap like a themed party ive been asking for 2 years. My mom got 3k worth of statues. I hate this small town. The job and dating life and practically non existent here.

What happens when you hit a concrete wall at 100mph

I hate myself. All I do is yell and get annoyed.
I can see that it’s affecting her.

I know that I’m dealing with extreme burnout.. but it’s no excuse. She deserves better.
She deserves more than I’ll ever be able to give her
She’d be so much happier in life if I just die.

I’m f19 and I realize that maybe posting here is impulsive there’s so much I need to say but I don’t know where to begin and the post would get too long. I feel like a failure and I literally have no life skills. I’m like a toddler in the body of a young adult. I feel trapped at home. My mother is horrible to me and my father expects to accept her simply because she’s my mother. He got offended I referred to her as lady or woman. This woman said verbatim that a man would fuck me and leave me because I have nothing to offer and she also said that I would do what I hate most in the future which is cleaning shit. She called me a demon repeatedly as well. It’s been a few days since then and I probably blew it all up today again with this new argument but I feel so dependent and my father has been complaining to me about this woman since I was a child and now wants to defend her? He just snitches on me to her and I sometimes don’t know how to be here. I have nowhere to go, I have no friends, no family who would take my side. Everyone loves and chooses my mother. I want to get out of here but I feel too incompetent to and my father just got pissed when I mentioned leaving the house and said I’d suffer out there even though I told him I suffered here in this house he said I’d suffer more out there and said I knew nothing about struggle. He said I could leave at any time but as much as I want to how the hell do I do that? Also this woman kicked me out at 14 for two weeks.