I've become increasingly detached from life, and sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. I'm approaching my late twenties, struggling with severe depression, and feeling like a dark cloud is hanging over me. I've lost hope in almost everything.

One of the things that hurts me most is spending most of my life single, with very little love or sexual intimacy. Lately, I've realized how much this emotional and sexual deprivation has affected my mental health and my ability to enjoy life.

Sometimes I wonder why I should work on myself or take care of my health when I'm so lonely. What's the point of living when you feel like you're missing out on something so fundamental?

I don't think women necessarily reject me. I just feel incompatible with modern dating culture. Where I live, it often seems like women value manipulation, mind games, and being a smooth talker even more than looks or money. I'm not saying every woman is like that, but that's how things often feel to me. I'm not a bad boy, and I don't want to manipulate women or play with their feelings just to be desirable.

For a man who deeply craves love and intimacy, going through life without a woman who genuinely loves him, or without meaningful sexual intimacy, can make life and death feel almost the same. It's not just about sex; it's about affection, companionship, and feeling genuinely wanted.

I also believe the Red Pill movement has done enormous damage to relationships, turning people against each other and making manipulation seem like a normal part of dating.

I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with being alone. Sometimes, I just wish I had been born in a different time, in a world where genuine love didn't feel so difficult to find.

NOBODY RESPONDS TO MY POSTS THEY ALWAYS GET A MILLION VIEWS BUT NOBODY SAYS A GODDAMN THING!

I LOVE IT SO MUCH I LOVE BEING VIEWED AS TOTALLY INEPT BECAUSE I USE AI BUT LITERALLY NO ONE GAF ABOUT ME

FUCK ME UNLESS I COMMIT SUICIDE THEN WVERYONES ON MY ASS PUNISHING ME FOR TRYING TO ESCAOE HELL

I LOVE KY LIFE SO MUCB I FORGOT IM SECRETLY
MASOCHIST THAT LOVES SUFFERIBG I FORGOT

WHERE DO I GET A GUN

I’m too scared to kill myself any other way. I don’t wanna die in pain fear or regret and running through all the other options (jumping, train, hanging, bleeding, overdose, burning, drowning, etc.) they’re gonna be unpleasant and/or painful, scary, or slow enough that I’d have time to suffer. A gun would be instant. Presumably painless due to the fact that I believe it would shut down all brain activity faster than my pain receptors could feel the pain.

I live in Canada and getting a gun is easier said than done, plus I’m scared and would pussy out before I could get a license or go to a gun range or whatever.

If I could have a gun in my own home, do it on my own terms and my own time, I think maybe I would.

I know someone who could get me one, but he doesn’t want me to do it.

I even had an opportunity somewhat recently but he stepped in and stopped it…

I’m hoping I can convince him eventually. There actually have been a couple times where he’s been open to it but I didn’t have the money. I’m broke.

I really want to be a girl. Some days I convince myself I’m fine with being a boy but right now I’m struggling so hard with being a boy. I’m 16 years old and because I’m so young I have no control over my life. I don’t know why but I really think I’m trans it’s a constant cycle of doubt and convincing. Myself I’m not trans but I really think I am.

Constantly, at home it’s just yelling and screaming and just builshit. I really hate my family, as much as it hurts me to say. I’m struggling in school, relationships and just feel like a shitty friend. I owe someone money and I really don’t plan on paying them back like I said I would. I know if I keep being greedy no one’s ever gonna look out of me.

I struggled with drug use since I was 11. I started really early I had no idea what I was doing. I have completely stopped for a couple of months now, and I feel a lot better. Now I’m getting older and have feelings and beliefs that were “suppressed” but now are only getting stronger as I grow. My life isn’t “ideal” but it’s good enough. I just feel so empty, I really want to pay my friend back but i literally barely even have it. They haven’t asked me yet but occasionally bring it up. Whatever… I just hate growing up I wish I could be the same 14 year old on Xanax, smoking weed everyday and having temporary relief whenever I needed it. Now I just sit in my shit and feel terrible

I never speak about my feelings about being trans, hating myself, doubt, I never take accountability. I know I have the power to change these things because I’m smart enough to realize them, but do I even want to? I love feeling like this as much as I hate it. Another thing is I feel so dissociated I’ll live days and not even realize or think about what I’m doing. Drugs really fucked up my brain. I just hate my fucking life and don’t know what to do. Hopefully one day I’ll be grown and able to handle myself. If I turn out like any of my family members I’ll be losers or junkies. The worst of them all, hating my life and on the outside showing everything’s okay knowing I want to put a gun to my head.

It’s funny the way the world works, I just sit back and think. I get extremely amazed when I see people I know in public realizing everyone has a real life outside of mine. I just think of the world and want to end it. It’s to much for me. I tell myself if I was born a girl, was pretty, was 100lbs maybe I’ll be happy.

Let’s see if I live past 20, let alone another couple weeks.

First of all i want to apologise if their is any mystake, english is not my first langage and i'm not going to use ai to correct anything. Also i'm kinda drunk rn.

I'm a medical student, and i truly thought that being a doctor is what i wanted to do. In fact i used to day dreamed about it since i'm 11 years old. Right now i'm at my 3rd year and i hate avery aspect of my life. To quote a movie "i used to be funny", to have real friends, i used to know how to interact with other humain being, but now it's gone. The thing is : i D'ONT WANT THIS LIFE. i don't want to grow old, to evolve, to discover knew things, to meet knew people, to love, to hate, to feel. I want NOTHING. I want it to be over. I spend hours of my days thinking about how i'm going to end myself soon, i want to hang myself with a rope instead of learning all the medical stuff i'm supose to learn. How am i suppose to help other if i can't even help myself ?

Anyway i used to fell a lot of guilt about leaving my family and my friends behind but now i don't, i have already planned everything about the day i'm going to kill myself, i genuily can't wait i'm so exited. Don't really know why i'm telling all of that that online, guess i'm pretty drunk plus i'm going to kill myself soon so nothing i do matter at this point.

I ruined everything

For my whole life I had no one. No one that I can talk with. No one that I can share my feelings with, even online.

In my early years I didn't went to kindergarten so I was already behind my age peers in social terms and communication. I simply had no contact with kids my age. When I went to primary school I was already shy, but didn't care that much, and kinda play with other children and sometimes talked I wouldn't say I had friends but I didn't feel lonely.

Then Covid striked and it absolutely destroyed my life. When pandemic began I was given PC and I got into gaming immediately. I played games all day long started ignoring my family and peers, and just get into it. Time was passing and my addiction only raised. I became absolutely asocial, I didn't see problem back then, and was just brainlessly playing and killed all my passions that had.

The covid ended, I went back to normal school and my parents saw that I spend a lot time on that PC so they started to take that back from me, and then I discovered social media. It was so much worse than playing on this stupid PC. I didn't talk literally to anyone, I missed every life events and dramas in real world, I was using it even more than a PC. I wasn't feeling need of any person in my life.

Until last grade in school. Then I realized what I was doing with my life all along, realized that I have literally no one, that I was not talking to my parents and siblings. That I wasted my childhood and became social zero. But I was hoping that I can change my life and met some people in school. I even stopped using social media and started reading books. This was my last chance to get my social life back.

When I went to new school after summer I started to try talking with my classmates, but obviously it didn't went very well because of my social anxiety. I realized that I'm most boring person on that planet because of that I was rotting in bed everyday when everybody was making memories and I didn't have anything to talk about.

Then I started to realize who I am and that I destroyed my life and it's only my fault. I was what I was missing my whole life. I saw why my parents has been trying to make me go out to people. I was trying to change that, become a normal person, but I didn't know how. I started crying everyday and just praying that this life will come to an end soon. I didn't want to study anymore. I didn't even open any book in my first year in this school. My grades went down and I pretty much don't have chances to go to any college. If homeless person have some backstory, this is what it is.

I don't even feel like living now. Days are just passing and I feel like I'm some side character that's just watching this. My parents saw this and was asking me if I need any help, but I'm too scared to tell them yes. They don't know how I feel. And just like that here I am sitting and wondering why I was like this in my early life.

I just wanted to say it to someone for the first time in my life. I don't have a shred of hope left. I don't know how long I can live like this.

P.S. Sorry for bad english, and if something isn't clear, I wrote this in the heat of the moment.

I wish things could be different. I wish I could believe that things will be truly okay. I wish my life would get better.

Why do I even have to stay alive? World isn’t going to be better/worse just because of me. I’ll have to constantly struggle to survive in it. So who is benefiting from staying alive? No one. So what’s wrong with ending things when things don’t workout anymore. It ends the suffering for everyone. For me and the people around me. People move past deaths, relationships everything. So a death isn’t that big of a deal. So why not end things? Why is it such a taboo? Life is a suffering and I don’t want to be a part of it. I’m tired. Does anybody else relate? I don’t even want to fight these thoughts anymore. I just feel like I’m not strong enough to commit it myself but if it’s to happen, I’m ready to take it rn. If you’re feeling the same, how are you dealing with these? My way is it indulge in stupid porn, and even that isn’t helping much.

I feel like I'd try to end it, with even a part if me hoping to survive, it's not like I want attention, I hate it, spent the last 3 years avoiding it, but it's like a coin flip maybe, I try, I either die and it's finally over, no more stress, no more self hate, no more endless thoughts, or I survive, and get the help I was too afraid to seek myself, no explaination, like I said, a really weird thought, because I've needed help for a while know, like I went through an old journal and realized I've been like this, for a while, but I still don't know where to go with it, I don't know what to do sometimes, it feels hopeless trying, I can't the number of times I've dailed 911, or wanted to call a helpline, and just couldn't bring myself to, I don't know why, and my mental health just keeps getting worse, I'm not sure if they count as plans, but I do think it through suicide a lot, what would be quickest, what would hurt the least, I've tried hanging once a few years ago, hurts a hell of a lot more than it looks, so I stopped, what's most likely to kill me outright rather than leave me fucking paralyzed or retarded, and then I come back to reddit, to write, get it out, maybe talk to someone who gets it, feels like I'm screaming into a void most of the time, I'm tired of pushing, I feel like I'm moving to mental collapse and I don't know how to stop it, I want to get help, but I'm too scared they'll lock me up or my parents will find out, or that I'm just imagining shit, and I wish I could cry, like I haven't done that in so long just actually cry and get some of it out and it's fucking exhausting.

I'm a male in my twenties, and honestly? I can already see how stuff is going to go. Like, purely from a standpoint of how I see my life going, looking at all the factors it's looking pretty bleak, and this is stuff I knew before I felt suicidal, in a way? It's weird, earlier I was weirdly normal feeling about it.

I hate my job, and I know that if I quit it it'll be just the same thing everywhere else. I despise going to it, don't care about the money and hate all the people there. I so desperately wish I could just explode and kill everyone there, but I haven't convinced myself to yet.

I'll never get to fulfill or even get close to my dream job, and I won't get a job that is easier or even something that I dont hate because that's not what we're meant for, we're not a people who are meant for that we're made to work shitty jobs and then die, like father like son. I can't change it, I'm not like that, and it's foolish to think I'd be any different or capable of breaking the mold.

I've never had any friends, and I wont ever have any romantic success because 5'7, that's death sentence height for a guy even if all women weren't constantly trying to manipulate you to find a higher quality partner, I'll never be taken seriously and nobody will ever want me, and I'm out of school and the only real love is teen love.

I honestly doubt I even have a soul, because if I would I would've changed things, but I've looked and I don't think I've ever actually made a decision for myself ever, at least one that's meaningful, I don't think I HAVE any control over my life, for all I know I might already be in hell and this is the punishment for whatever my past life did.

Objectively, just laying everything out, why do I even stay here on this earth? The only real thing keeping me from going through with it is family, but even then why should that really be a reason? Why should I live for the sake of being a prop in someone elses story, the set dressing to make everything look nice and pretty for them? Cause thats all I am, and all I'll ever be.

My state is in a record drought despite October usually being our wettest month of the year. I can't even remember the last time my town got rain. And here I am taking showers at the gym and limiting the amount of times I flush the toilet so my well won't dry up. I have to worry about these things while billionaire assholes continue to destroy our planet with a grin on their faces. I guess the breaking point for me is hearing news that google illegally cut down over 200K trees to build a data center in Finland. I just know that things will only get worse. I swear to god I will free myself of all this destruction and worry. Once I go, I hope that I will wake up in a place with beautiful, untouched nature

I yearly have this realization of where my life is heading and how little worth there is in it. I'm 20, and have attempted or planned it at least once every other year since I was fucking 13. Pills? Took 14 tablets of benadryl, had a seizure, nothing else. Took 4 handfuls of Tylenol, foster home thought I was just stupid, I went to sleep and woke up throwing up. Counted at least 16 tablets just from what I vomited. My foster mother told me to try it again. Hanging? Rope broke the god damn closet pole. Running in the freeway? Honks, and guilt about potentially ruining someones life, but nothing.

Now I nightly take a handful of benadryl hoping i'll get some degenerative brain disorder to end it for me so I won't remember. At least until I get the balls to risk another seizure and vomiting party by swallowing more pills.

I used to get told it was a sign to stay. Now it's a sick fucking joke, but now i have no choice because my life depends on helping someone else live. My dad lost his job due to a back injury. He got shit roommates he had crushes on, and they sent us into rapid debt.

My dream college accepted me 2 years in a row. Both times I couldn't attend, because no co signer, I applied to scholarships and didn't get a single one, FASFA could only help so much with the cost. The school even knocked off a year of housing, gave me vouchers and their own scholarships to get me in, and when I couldn't they said there would always be a place for me.

But there won't be, because i'm 20. I missed the time to go to college. And before anyone says 'anyone can go!' Any time i ask for advice, or help on how to navigate when to go, I get told 100% of the damn time that I need to go right now or I never will. But if i did, I would make myself, 2 people and a dog homeless. Because I am the only working member of this house.

I got the fuck ass 'gift' to work at Intel. In the year I worked, i got sexually harassed twice, a stalker, and a lead who yelled at me till I cried every week for disobeying him and doing what my team manager says instead. I got called every abelist, sexist name under the sun, yet told I possibly couldn't have because i'm 'pretty.' Then told it's not their fault because they think i'm their girlfriend. But I couldn't leave the job. Because I get paid the most I ever will in my life, I get 24$ an hour, enough to cover mortgage and bills with wiggle room, not enough to uproot and move to an apartment however, because i live in god fuck OREGON.

My uncle gets SS, so he pays what he can as well and that all goes to my dad for whatever he wants. Meanwhile, he still can't find a job. If I leave. I become homeless. I have no friends to live with, no partner because i'm ugly as fuck and only wanted for sex, which wouldn't be an issue if I wasn't demi. And then I make an innocent dog homeless, and 2 men who are at least trying somewhat to get by.

I thought maybe I could wait until he got a job and I saved for college to go. But my friend told me when we were 18 that I need to leave, go to her college instead, and get married ASAP.

I tried to explain the situation, that I was having rough luck in dating, that I feared being homeless if I left, and instead, she left. She later came back just to say she 'didn't say that. Didn't mean it if she said it.' But I remember every fucking word. It replays in my head every day I see people going to school.

I can't go to friends to talk, because if I say my situation, they make leaving sound so easy. Because yeah, you can totally get an apartment in a week, ditch your family, go to college with nothing. And i try not to be bitter about it, but they have help. They got families that help them, i don't even have a car. So i shut up, and the only calls or texts I got was when they needed anything. Or when they 'miss me' but when i offer to pay for plans, they never want to make even the effort of driving themselves to said plans. They only do couple plans, and considering i am not married, not included. I can't tell my family, because I don't want them to know I resent the situation. And if I give a hint that I am upset, it's me being over dramatic or not understanding that they're trying.

So i went, stupidly, to the internet.

All I wanted was hope. I wanted to know maybe it wasn't too late to go, that college had no age limit, that it wasn't too late as a demi person to find a partner and get married so I can be on track. Even just when to know when to try to apply to scholarships and the logistics of such, considering those are use it or lose it on a time basis.

I just wanted some god damn hope and was stupid, and instead got hit with the same fears. It is too late. If I haven't gone now, I won't, and i'll be working for this house for forever. I need to go to some random community College and spend money i do not have on classes just to say i did it, even if there are no majors I even see myself being able to understand or do, just go! So easy! I never even got an answer to how to manage scholarships. And the only advice I ever get in dating is to just let them have their way with me, and it is easier. 15 relationships. 15. Only half ended due to life and not sex. It never got easier. And setting boundaries led to more pain. All I wanted was to be loved, but i'm only 'pretty' enough to be lusted over.

I wanted hope one day i could be loved.

One day i wouldn't have to chase my friends expectations of a speedy life to feel accepted. Maybe just once at least not become judges and just be there, just get food together, go to a movie, i'll pay whatever for it, i just want my friends back. Then after highschool, it became only marriage, college, and judging people not yet advanced.

I wanted hope I could be loved. I could have friends with that innocence we used to have in highschool just doing crafts. I could go to school. I didn't have to rush or die alone and without a life.

Instead, at every turn it was apperent I would only be a fuck doll. I wasted my life befofe I could drink. I should've taken my chances and gone to school anyways, stole, stripped, something more productive to get to school before time ran out.

All my dreams of a future have been crushed. No school. No career. No stable home. No true love. And I should've known I wouldn't ever get any of that the day I was touched and taken by the court.

And to top it all off, I don't got a safe place to sleep to begin with anyways, because i got bed bugs from work too. The suits weren't cleaned, and me and my friends saw bugs within the suit packages or on suits pulled from out hangers. I do the treatments based on what I got off the internet and hope it works only for it to fail and only have my poor neighbor to ask for help, who already has a bunch of kids of her own to care for.

My life is nothing but keeping my family off the streets and alive, being something to screw, and being the person people call to rant about love life, break ups, money.

And what hurts is the friends I do have who probably would be willing to be there, i'm too scared to call, because of our mutual friends and wondering if they think the same low as me as they do. Because our other friends are right, I need to marry someone and go to school to live, and i'm not doing either.

And so those friends don't know what's going on, even when they ask, and i'm to scared to make them upset, so i stick myself in a stupid self pity cycle and taking more pills, then more dread about my future.

I am nothing but a parasite, and nothing but a whore.

Once my dad gets a job, i'm taking whatever I can find, and climbing the highest roof i know. I don't want to feel the end. Death scares me. But I know i'll have nothing left to be alive for. I wasted my time and my body. I don't know if whatever happens after death will be better, but maybe i'll be more useful for something other than my money and tits.

I genuinely can't stand the ritualistic behavior, how my mind forces me to fix the problems that are only in head. How my body aches and I'm sweaty being forced to repeat the same monotonous hell. This, anxiety and being on the spectrum makes me feel trapped in this nightmarish hell.

I've thought about suicide many times but never acted on it. I can't do this to my family but I can't continue to suffer either. I just can't.

Jesus please don't condemn me. Please don't banish me. I just want release.. I want release..

I’m quite literally fucking begging tell me no one loves me or something idk

Won’t be able to give you anything in return but know you helped me I guess

My gf wants me to get old with her, and she cries to me about how she's scared I'll kill myself and i always say nooo it's okay I'll outlive you if i can help it

That's bullshit because I feel like id totally kill myself if it was convenient at some point in my life. I'm so tired.

i doubt anyone else can be terrible and stupid enough to experience this.

i knew i was never a first option or even that important for them, but now i lost everyone. it was my birthday and i gave such a terrible reaction to the gift my partner handmade for me. i just can't deal with gifts that must have taken immense effort and resources. i just couldn't stop getting sad and also a little upset that she wasted time on all that. i'm not the person she should be spending that much time on. and i also always feel like i can't repay her, because i'm just not talented in crafts or anything and just genuinely too depressed to make anything so i always just buy gifts. but she started crying and ran out and of course her friends followed. one of them even shouted and cursed me, which was deserved but stung a lot because i thought he was my friend too. they all see me as the terrible person i am now and likely all told her to just break up with me. if she does, i don't know what i'll do. there's nothing i can do except apologize. she's not responding to me after we spoke last night. i've been trying to find a way to effectively end it all for a while now, but this might be the final nail in the coffin, literally.

it's also my fault that i can't keep any friends and now i just have no one to talk to about this and no one who will help me. i'm realizing properly that i really have no one in my corner.

i hope i can find a way to end it. i hope my family can forgive me for it.

i’m always stressing about what’s gonna happen. i live alone now coz i ghosted my family. i’m an only child and living alone is my fantasy ever since. i hated my family and everything as a kid and all i wanted is to stay away from everyone. i don’t have friends. i also never had a bf. i’m working a job that i don’t even like. i don’t even know what im doing tbh. i feel empty. i wanna see the future just to see if it’s worth it. ugh. idk. i don’t wanna do the same shit in another year. i’d rather die but i don’t want anyone to know.

Here in the netherworld/ Netherlands you can get euthanasia for basically anything

My family doesn’t support my schizophrenia and I don’t have a normal family. My family rejects me and without state support I would be homeless.
Recently I saw them and it hurts because they don’t do nice and they say nasty things about other people as well.
When my mother is in my apartment she is reorganising things and cleaning a bit and then leaving. Never staying for conversation.
She recently asked about if I have insurance for my funeral and I realised I’m needing to save money for my grave. So I’m starting to save and it makes me depressed. It will take me a lot of months to save money and I will be eating staple food and dieting to save more money. God grant my soul peace

I wish I never existed.

Second post under 10 minutes of the first one haha, but I decided something that I will try to follow through, by March when the results of my final exams come out and if I don't pass into the final grade and fail I will just kill myself, I am NOT repeating a year bro, i can't. I will just kill myself, that sounds 10 times better

There’s a bridge near where I live with a clearance of about 130 feet. I was standing right over it behind the barriers, over the highway. I was just a jump away from freeing myself. There’s nothing for me here. I‘ve got nobody and I am nobody. Whether I jump or not it’s gonna be a lose-lose for me anyway. Everybody in my life is just constantly holding their breath and waiting for me to say I’m fine so they can move on without feeling the guilt. Those people who called the police on me while I was standing over the highway said that there were “people who love me”. Well, where the fuck were they? Why didn’t they answer my calls? I’ve been kicking myself in the head every single day since that attempt. I was a jump away from giving myself peace.

I don’t want to go into detail about my plans as not to inspire others, but I’m very unconfident that it will work. I have attempted numerous times in the past and have only been able to knock myself out for a couple days or get myself institutionalized.
For background, I am 22f and had surgery that left me immobile for a while. My family came into town last week and I postponed my attempt for after they left. I also wanted to postpone my attempt for when I could walk again so my attempt wouldn’t be in the apartment I share with my boyfriend. I really don’t want to traumatize anyone.
I have been planning this attempt for a little over a year now and now that it’s finally here, I feel myself chickening out. Truthfully, I am very nervous that it won’t work. I also feel so sad for my boyfriend. I know he would be heartbroken and would never forgive me. Same with my family. I can see the way each of them would weep for me and it is heartbreaking.
I also selfishly don’t want to miss out on the enjoyable things in life. My boyfriend and I have been watching a tv show nightly and I don’t want to lose him, regardless of whether my plan works or not. I want us to get married and I am about to graduate with my bachelors and go on a trip abroad. I want to wait for some reason but I know it won’t happen if I do.
Thanks for reading my vent. Any advice is taken to heart. I’m sure someone may try to convince me to stay and I’m not fully opposed.