Hi!
It's my first time posting here, but I really need some advice/opinions because the people around me have never been through depression. Even though they try to be there for me, with every piece of advice I get, I dunno, I feel like something's missing and nobody really gets me. Sorry, this is gonna be super long since I'm explaining my whole situation from the start.
First off, my depression is mostly linked to my job (that's the major trigger, though I think things weren't great to begin with and I just didn't realize it). I work in an airport doing tourist info/reception, basically advising people arriving in the region like a tourist office, just with early/late shifts and random days off since I work at an airport, and I've been working there for over 3 years.
I would say it's a job I actually like because even though I'm pretty introverted, I like advising clients on tourist stuff in the region (even if I'm no pro), and anyway I like to give advice and human contact, it's just that seeing lot of people all day is exhausting for me due to my low social battery.
Overall, things turned sour at work when we got a new director and the company shifted towards a more revenue-driven approach, so much so that it kind of took over the pure client-advising side that potentially led to a sale. Now, sales aren't supposed to be potential anymore, they're the whole point of the interaction, and even when I try my best, I just can't do it. I hate being forced to do that, to use methods I hate, to give advice pushing our own products when there's better stuff elsewhere, especially since my strength is being honest based on each client's situation since not everyone has the same expectations and budget. Sure, sometimes, even with pricier products, people buy from us because it reassures them or out of sheer laziness to go elsewhere, whatever, but "forcing" sales just isn't part of my values.
All of that led me to hate a job that, even if it's not my life goal, was more than satisfying enough for me. I'm not a salesperson, I wasn't hired for that, and even with all the training in the world I just can't do it. So ever since these new rules (a little over a year and a half ago), me who was generally in the average or even upper-average bracket for my sales, I'm now at the veryyyyyy bottom of the company ranking for sales.
If it was only that, it wouldn't have bothered me much since personally I'm not particularly competitive and rarely looked at my numbers anyway. But around April last year, we hit a point where I got called in by the general manager, followed by a meeting with 2 of my managers that sent me into a lot of uncontrollable ugly crying and a lot of self-doubt, plus seeing a psychiatrist to help me bear just with the fact of going to work.
I'm a total homebody by nature and often tend to feel lonely, even before my depression (or at least before I got diagnosed last year), and that's one of the reasons my psychiatrist didn't want to give me a sick leave for burn out of something like this. She's thought I'll isolate myself too much, which I get, but anyway that hasn't stopped me from taking a few sick leaves since last year (the majority of 2 or 3 days), including one for about a month and a half this summer (even though normally I'm someone who tries to avoid doctors like the plague lol).
Anyway, long story short, around me I've got friends or colleagues telling me to just quit since I still live with my parents, and others telling me not to do that at all and wait till I find something else. The problem is it's been over a year that I'm searching and I'm just saturated. Even though right now I'm not in a catastrophic situation, I'm managing to come everyday even if I'm not stoked about it because riht now I'm just numb. I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just quit... Also I even went to see the doctor of the company in May but it was completely useless and she was even kind of offensive.
I'm stressing out about quitting my job without a safety net behind me, but at the same time this is no way to live. I'm lost and I can't see past right now since I kinda just wish I wasn't here. But at the same time I'm thinking, is it better to just quit and hope for the best, or stay here even though I'm completely burnt out.
I've talked way too much and this is super long sorry, but I'm desperate because even my HR department, apart from telling me to do a skills assessment, hasn't been much help at all.
Anyway, if you guys have any thoughts—especially anyone who's ever quit a permanent contract or whatever with nothing lined up—any advice or whatever, I'll take it. Even a random job while we're at it lol.