Not having a routine stresses me, but having one also stresses me. There are a couple of things I would really like to do, but I just can't get myself to do them.

For example, going to the gym is, genuinely, the only thing I enjoy, but it is just so stressful to even think about, and I can't get a home gym.

Others, like drawing, are different in the sense that it is the thought of doing them that causes stress, whilst with gym, it is going outside.

One other thing is that I just can't get myself to think of anything other than gym, lol, and anime. I set up alarms for other activities, but I don't even realise when I disable the alarm, and they only come to mind when I don't have time to do them.

TL;DR: people at work expect me to listen to all THEIR conversations all the time so that i dont miss information.

i started a new job this year and i am in a team with people who are double my age who have been working together for the past 30 years. i am SO exhausted by their routines and expecting me to do exactly as they do. we usually sit in a small office together and it is really draining for me.

today i decided to sit elsewhere in the office and they were making stupid jokes about what would possibly the reason for me sitting elsewhere blaming each other jokingly. i calmly explained myself that i can better concentrate when sitting alone but apparently that we all sit together is some kind of unwritten rule????

i talked to the only other woman in the team later that day and she was like "the men cant be bothered to gather important information for everyone and share them. so i think you should think about sitting somewhere else- listening to them talk to each other is the only way to get all the information. I've been doing it for 20 years that way. They wont change anymore."

EXCUSE ME?? i certaintly wont drain my energy by listening 24/7 to some men talking in case there MIGHT BE some important information because THEY cant be bothered to use official communication canals????????????? i told her that i wont do that and that i expect to get all the information i need for my work when needed and it is not my job to thirst for information that way. i am done adapting to old men in my life.

i am done adapting to this team but it is so HARD for me to do my own thing because all those stupid jokes and 30 year old rules and ancient work ethic. doing the smallest thing different than they are is followed by a stupid joke or i feel like it is simply "forbidden" or i am breaking some unspoken rules

Dear Reddit Folks who are in or have been in Burnout: Did you have acute loss of physical ability during the process? I'm working diligently with my doctors/therapists to try and keep my able-bodied-ness; Blood tests, rest, time off work, catering to my body's energy levels, using "spoons" and energy conservation but, I am struggling. Immensely.

tl:dr

Do the symptoms of Burnout stretch to near-total loss of physical ability that /can/ be recovered with time and pacing, or do I need to learn how to live with chronic pain from now on? I'm trying to find resources to get the care I need.

More info I'm willing to share:

I am slowly but surely loosing my ability to walk, stand, do chores, basically exist in my own home or outside it, now that I've unmasked and accepted my Neurodivergence. On bad days, I need a cane to walk, and on worse days I'm "too sick to play video games" laying in bed resting most of the day. The recovery from running errands can take days before my pain is somewhat manageable, and I've pretty much given up on going out for socials without plenty of prep and the expectation that I will crash for days after.

This isn't the first time I've had a total health crisis; There have been two (or three) prior "crashouts" that have taken a toll and cost me my mental health and physical health that I have pushed through and "recovered". I've been trying to treat my mental illness(s) for nearly 20 years, and only recently have been given diagnosis of AuDHD.

I'm starting to wonder if this isn't solely Autistic Burnout, and I have unfortunately FAFO'd with my body's limits.

See TLDR above. I am happy to report I am in the best mental state I have been in my life! I would love to get back on ADHD meds, because they really did make a difference, and I had a fantastic couple of months! But in that time, I miiiiiight have forced my executives to function well beyond their means, and now the board room is on fire?

For reference, I've worked non-stop in corporate office jobs for 10 years, have a BFA (and held down job), worked full-time fresh out HS and have a long history of getting very, very sick. USA.

Help. LOL

Genuinely how do you deal with a breakup from a long term relationship as a neurodivergent person with trauma history?

I got broken up with from an almost 2 year relationship. I was completely blindsided. The worst part is he’s sent both me and my family mixed signals on whether he sees us getting back in the future or that he’s completely moved on.

I can barely work and think about it almost 24/7. I sob and sob. It’ll get easier maybe one day and then I’m back to square one. Not only did I lose my comfort person, someone I thought I would get married to, but I’ve had to deal with this significant amount of change (hello, not good with change).

The worst part is sitting in this uncertainty, and especially being neurodivergent, it’s hard not to be in control or know the outcome. All the advice I’ve gotten is to move on and if he comes back he does, but it’s so hard to do that with who I am. I don’t feel like therapy has been helping and I’ve had my own battle with finding a therapist to help with the AuDHD part of me.

I guess I’m asking if anyone has any advice and has gone through this and how they got through it. I just want to feel joy again, and my emotions are so strong and big. Everyone around me obviously has their advice to give, but no one understands that going through something like this is is a lot different for someone like me.

So basically all my life since childhood there is something about me the eventually repels people away. This my typical experience with friendships:

\- finally meet someone we really click they’re probably semi autistic like me
\- we have great chats, there is a euphoric phase we go out, have fun, talk about everything similar and do lots of activities
\- hmmm I sense suddenly something changed, they are less responsive to texts, oh no did I do something wrong, nah they must be busy
\- We meet up few more times, I am as excited but I don’t feel the same energy anymore from the other person
\- person starts speaking about some new friend or someone they met recently, uh oh
\- texts are one way, I have to initiate conversations on WhatsApp and text
\- one more outing but person seems very different and not as engaged anymore
\- yep my gut feeling was right in the first place, now they ghost me on WhatsApp
\- I spend weeks and months dissecting every conversation what did I say something wrong or do something wrong. Or did they find someone more fun, damn I really suck what is wrong with me

Sigh every single time, especially happened most recently again I knew it was too good to be true, found this lady we both have kids we got well really well and our kids too and now yep she ghosted me. I a male and the same happens with friendships either male or female doesn’t matter it’s the same outcome.

I went to therapy many times and worked on self improvement like listening skills and so on but nothing changes.

Is this common experience with adhd people, are we doomed to such relationships? Thanks

I'm just venting here. I work in healthcare. Last week I started a new job, so I had to go through all the computer trainings and e-learning modules that go along with most jobs, plus all the job was specfiic ones. Its mostly the same but they are always adding more. I noted that there was a module about interacting with patients who have obesity. Basically wanting everyone to be aware and not make people feel judged when they are seeking healthcare. I agree and I have no issue with that. Healthcare professionals should be sensitive to all kinds of people. However, this is the first time I've seen ever seen that particular subject addressed directly. But this is not about obesity, it could have been any topic.

I realized that I immediately felt a little some type of way in the back of my mind, because I feel like everyone else has a module except us. There is never any information or education about neurodivergence. There's a lot of misinformation and terrible "opinions" out there, especially among health care professionals. Unfortunately even in mental health, providers frequently have no idea and go off of information from 30 years ago. They are supposed to be heallping but are actually very damaging to ND people.

I never once in my education was taught really anything about ASD ( If I had I probably would have been diagnosed AuDHD much sooner).

Actually, my experience in college with an LD/ ADHD was terrible. The only professor that didn't make me feel totally judged was my psychology professor. Like shouldn't healthcare professionals and higher education be required to have education about neurodivergence??? The fact that they don't is probably why so many people think its not a real thing. It really kind of upset me and I was thinking about making an anonymous suggestion about it....

Thoughts?

NOTE: I briefly discuss medications in this post.
I was diagnosed with autism early this year, ADHD last month, as a 26 year old. Always struggled with keeping focus, actually getting things done and I suppose my throughout at work has generally been below average as a result. I’ve had some performance scares in the past but none as frightening as this one. I’m a software developer and was assigned a fix to investigate with the assumption I’d eventually fix it. It’s a complicated one and I’ve historically known it’s hard to focus for that kind of thing. Like I sit down and try to research and my mind just goes too many places. Sometimes I sit staring with the knowledge I just won’t be able to get anything done for a while. The same happened here. And so I sent the results of my investigation out to stakeholders. And I had a meeting with my boss today where he flat out told me the level of detail I went into was unacceptable given the amount of time I spent on it. And that if something like this happened again I’d be put on a performance improvement plan. At my company that almost always means you will soon be fired.

And so here I am. This is my first job and I am a software developer so I’m scared that if I lose my job, I won’t be able to find a new one given the bad job market. And I’m scared that even if I find another job, I will still not be able to fundamentally acquire the motivation necessary to exist in a modern workplace. I can’t help but shake the feeling that I’m just lazy. I suppose laziness is subjective; is someone with no motivation lazy? Or can someone be not lazy without motivation, are the two concepts not the same? I don’t know. But when everything I do makes me feel more and more like I’m not made to exist in this world it’s hard not to feel bad about myself, even if I’m trying to avoid judgement calls. I am one of the most privileged people in the world, as an upper middle class American, and yet I still feel like the entire world is out to get me. I’m afraid I’m just weak.

I was on 20mg of vyvanse for just a few weeks and while it felt like I was on the right track, it made the chest pain I constantly experience worse and my Apple Watch was saying crazy things about my heart. So not only can ADHD meds not help me now, if something is wrong with my heart, they may never be able to help me. Plus those same symptoms greatly exacerbate my focus issues—I lose focus and vision and have weird seizure like episodes every day where my brain resets and I completely forget what I’m doing. Plus I have stomach issues so I’m constantly in at least a little bit of pain with that plus the chest pain. Trying to get this all diagnosed but it’s taking time and I don’t know what I’ll do about all of it if I lose my job, and with it my health insurance. I guess I should look into accommodations for this stuff, but accommodation can’t lower the amount of throughput required of me I don’t think. I gotta think if anything else is realistic and helpful. I should also start applying for other jobs.

Trying to intellectually figure out what this situation means for me, I think it is indeterminate whether I’m screwed in the long term, but there’s a very real possibility I’m screwed when it comes to this job, and I may just have to accept that path, wherever it may lead. There will be more scrutiny on me now regardless, and I fear this is just the first instant of my manager happening to notice I’m slower than average, and he’ll see it everywhere now that he’s looking. Plus my work anxiety is worse now and that makes it yet harder to focus. I’m scared of what my parents will think if I get fired. I’m scared of moving back in with them. I’m frustrated that things are such that I’m forced to WANT to work, incentivized by threat of starvation to feel so awful about something but have to keep banging my head against the wall because if I don’t it may get even worse. It’s not that I feel something is fundamentally, metaphysically wrong with me because I have autism and ADHD, it’s just for all intents and purposes something might as well be wrong with me if I struggle to engage with the world around me so much. And I know there are people out there with autism and ADHD that have jobs and have it figured out. I want to be one of them. I think I HAVE to be one of them, in some capacity. I remember being scared I wouldn’t make it to even the tenure I’ve made it to. I remember crying alone in my apartment because I was so scared I just couldn’t do what was required. I’m sick of living a life of fear and depression. I want to do so many things right now. I want to tell my manager to fire me. I want to drink excessively. I want to yell until I can’t anymore. I want to hug my cat and cry. Part of me hopes something is seriously wrong with my heart so that Im forced out of employment, at least for a time, before it comes down to whether I can hack it or not. I feel very alone and I dont know who to talk to about it; my neurotypical friends never seem to understand when I try to explain how I struggle.

For my mental and physical health issues, I am seeing professionals and will evaluate next steps with them, again maybe seeking accommodations. Maybe I need to take some FMLA and try to get my shit together but I don’t have a massive amount of savings, and I’m worried about spending money in FMLA that could be spent getting me through unemployment later. if anyone has had similar experiences and would care to give thoughts or advice, I would very much appreciate it.

I just can't do the things I'm supposed to do lately, whether it's exercises, work stuff or life admin. I haven't been on adhd medication in months as I also have Ulcerative Colitis that flared up earlier in the year and stopped me from taking it, and I just haven't been bothered to get back into the routine of taking it, or going back to my doctor to restart the process. I also never really found the medication (Tyvense) to be that amazing, apart from when I first started taking it. I tried every other stimulant meds too and they just ramped up my autism, Tyvense was the only balanced one.

I also have awful back and hip pain that I'm going to a physio for, and now I have shoulder pain that's brand new. I can't even take anti inflammatory tablets as it triggers my UC. I've been to so many physios over the last 6 years and I think this one is genuinely trying to get to the route cause, but it's nearly impossible for me to stay motivated to do the exercises everyday.

With all this considered, I sometimes feel like EVERYTHING is so hard to do that I just wanna give up. I genuinely wonder what the point of it all is sometimes. Being in constant pain whether sitting, standing or lying down doesn't help.

0 motivation, constant cycles of burnout, chronic pain and diseases... on the surface, someone would probably look at me with my decent job, steady relationship, our newly bought house, our car and think WOW this guy has it going on, but the reality inside couldn't be further. I don't even know how I keep my job because it feels like I do nothing.

The idea of "high functioning" is such a load of shit. This isn't worth it. Nothing gives me a sense of relief and calm. I also currently live with my partners dad, which I've done for 2 years while we saved for a house, so the lack of personal space has also been an issue.

I don't know why I'm posting - I just wanna say it's really hard, and sometimes I don't know why I even try.

Hard to get over the years wasted from depression and being disabled. Turning 26 was the worst depression ever and I’m scared of what I’ll feel like by 27 if I still don’t have a purpose or life. Don’t really feel capable of fixing my life.

Hey all,

been wondering this one for a while, anyone struggle to keep a stable sleep pattern? it seems mine just rotates around the clock, so i'll fix it and then after a bout a week or 2, it will be back where it was, going to bed when sun comes up, sleeping half way through the day and then wanting to fix it again.

i have to also stay awake 2 - 4 hours extra every single day to fix it, till its more normal, as if i stay up 24+ hours i just get like 2-3 hours sleep.

I have AuDHD, and I struggle to organise my thoughts while speaking. It's not about socialising or language proficiency. It happens even in my mother tongue.

For example, in an interview, if I have to explain something in three points, I might finish the first point and start the second. But then I start wondering whether I explained the first point correctly, so I go back to rephrase it perfectly, even though I've already completed it. This interrupts my flow, and I struggle to continue in the right order.

Even when I want to narrate an incident that happened in my life, I can't explain it in a proper sequence. I get confused about what happened first, what happened next, and what details to explain. My narration becomes jumbled, and I struggle to convey the incident clearly, even though I know what happened.

It's frustrating because I know what I want to communicate, but I can't organise and express it in the right order.

Does anyone with AuDHD experience this?

Does anyone else experience this? Basically this has happened the entirety of my life, except I had no explanation it for until I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism last year at the age of 52.

I could weep at the years of lost opportunities. I have not managed to get control of either of the above tendencies and life is beginning to look fairly pointless.

tldr: burnt out during exams and worried about what i’ll do after highschool, would like both advice and validation if that is okay

hello everyone !! not super active on reddit and first time posting in this subreddit but i really need to get this off my chest haha i hope that’s okay

so if you’re from australia you probably know that it’s currently vce exam time or for those who have never heard of vce before: essentially we’ve just started final highschool exams

i’m. currently in the middle of burnout which is super. fun. (sarcastic) and executive dysfunction is Being Very Annoying to handle and i haven’t been as productive as i really should be i fear. my teachers that i’ve been going through all my practice work say that i’ll be fine but. mm. still feel unsure and Not Great about it

but the main thing that’s been plaguing my brain is about what comes next after my exams. like i’ll be officially no longer in highschool (INSANE) and i’ll be in university and getting a job and like. becoming an adult which is both very exciting and very terrifying

and while i have like. a rough idea of what i want to do in the future i still feel very unprepared and terrified for university and the job market.

i think that i do want a job and i do want to be independent but with the current situation of the world/society it feels. pretty bleak?
or at least like what i want to do doesn’t feel. good enough or sustainable enough for life but the alternative of just. aiming for something financially stable but emotionally unfulfilling also feels. not quite right.

and i know i should just focus on my exams for now but my brain just. will not shut up at all and i’m trying to just. assuage my worries and think rationally about things and try to take a breather but it’s not quite working ?

all in all ! pretty stressed, probably irrationally worried and anxious i hope this isn’t too much of a word salad to read i tend to type like how i speak in real life !!

I need someone or something to fix me because nothings working and even worse my glasses broke a few months ago so I'm even worse now.

Why do things keep going bad, why do i keep forgetting things, why do i keep not noticing things until it's too late and get bad, and why do i keep fucking up. How is my 10yr old sister more competent than me?

Me and my mom got into a bit of an argument because she was frustrated at the fact there was alot of water bottles everywhere and some were half empty along with forgetting to clean out a tote that we were supposed to clean that day. She said she left us plenty of time throughout the day to clean out and i didn't even know that.

I remember her mentioning the tote for us to go through and throw out any toys my younger sister didn't want and just going through stuff, but I have no recollection of when she said we would be doing it today, i guess she only said it at some point i guess this morning?

Then about the water bottles, I never know what happens with stuff like that. I drink one, "finish it", and then grab another to drink. But in reality i guess I drink one, think I threw it away because it's no longer in the same spot it's supposed to be, and grab another one, but in reality its actually just under the bed or I'll hold on to it in order to throw it away because other wise I'd have to go over my sister to get off the bed and then throw it in the trash.

Then we get to points like this where I end up crying in the dark bathroom because the tone of my mom's voice and a few misinterpreted words pissed me off and now I feel incredibly stupid. Genuinely the only way for me to not screw up like this would be putting my in a straight jacket with only my bookbag and some important itemes and I think even then I would manage to make a mess without realizing.

I've had these issues for YEARS, it has caused many many arguments and issues with me and my dad, and even here it's not gone away, even after i just told my dad about how I'm maintaining things alot better here. I dont want to speak or really do much right now other than maybe eat.

hiiiii i recently got a new tattoo across my collarbone/shoulder/shoulder blade and want to start wearing more halter tops and things like that so im able to show it off but i have a lot of sensory issues and one of them is a like to wear a bra with my shirts.
i like having a barrier between my shirt and chest because it feels too loose and weird otherwise but some of my shirts are made where you can’t really wear any bra with them.
so far ive got normal ones and some halter bras (bought sports ones by accident but that’s ok) and have some low quality strapless ones and am getting some new strapless ones. i was wondering if anyone else has the same experiences and have found some padding/bras/tops that can help with this?

(added the medication flair for the bot)

Hello everyone, I (21M) finally mustered up all my courage and decided to post here after lurking for a long time.

I don't know what exactly I want to achieve with this post. I guess it just feels good to write all of my struggles and hardships down instead of having them tumbling around in my head.

About five months ago I have received my autism and ADHD diagnosis, though I have been supplied with Elvanse (Vyvanse in Switzerland) by my general practitioner for about a year now. ADHD meds finally allowed me to focus and finish tasks. I excelled at work, beat my pornography addiction, started organizing my life, took over managing my families finances due to my fathers dementia, started hitting the gym consistently and also started to feel more confident socially. I even got into my first relationship with a wonderful woman who also had AuDHD, and felt better than I ever had.

I still suffer from anxiety and selective mutism. And sometimes I feel like the meds enhance these traits way more. I am still unsure if I need to switch meds or if I just have to start accomodating myself more.

Unfortunately, life has been really stressful lately. My father suffered a stroke, my girlfriend broke up with me due to her internalizing my anxiety, I'm falling behind at work and slowly realizing I don't even like working as a design engineer. Additionaly I am repeating my vocational baccalaureate (which I have dropped out of during my apprenticeship) which has only added to my workload and to finish it all off, I live with a somewhat narcissistic mother who struggles with handling her emotions and often uses me and my brother as an outlet.

I have tried Ritalin, Concerta, Elvanse. I have been taking Wellbutrin for two weeks now, but I almost had a panic attack for the first time in my life and want to get off of it. Out of those, Elvanse has been the least bad. I can feel pretty anxious on it, especially when the selctive mutism kicks in, but at least I can be producitve.

I have started therapy and have also begun to visit a psychiatrist to dial in my meds, but I just feel like this entire "healing" process is taking way too long.

Every day is slowly starting to feel like a struggle. I feel like I am trying my best and giving it my all, but I am slowly realizing that my best is not enough. I know I need to reduce my workload somehow, but I don't know how. I've lost interest in pursuing my special interests due to the sheer workload. When I take breaks I always have this voice in the back of my head telling me that XYZ has to be done, and it is exhausting. I've also begun to cry a lot by myself in the past few months when my thoughts spiral, even on meds, which has never really happened before.

Sometimes I think I have achieved a lot and should be happy with who I am. Sometimes I can look in the mirror and say to myself: "You're giving it your all, don't be hard on yourself". But most of the time the inner critic wins and I tear myself down mentally.

I just wish I could find the right meds, I wish I had emotionally availabe parents that understood my struggles, I wish my friends and family understood how much I'm struggling and how much I'm fighting everyday. I wish I could just drop the mask and be content with who I am.

I haven't given up all hope and still think that one day I will be fine, but I have no idea when that day will arrive.

I'm scared

Edit:

Sorry if this comes off as whiny, I'm honstely still really new to accepting the fact that I have AuDHD and that I have to make drastic changes to my life if I want to get out of this rut. Any advice/consolation is appreciated.

Hello everyone,

For context, I’m 22 years old and don’t currently have a high school diploma (*Matura*), any apprenticeship or learned job, or a driver’s license. I’m supposed to start an internship soon—or at least begin looking for a job with the help of my employment support counselor. My counselor strongly suggested that I pursue an apprenticeship.

To be honest, I don’t feel suited for many types of jobs. I have dyscalculia, so any role requiring math—or even just a little bit of it—would be a problem. I also have ADHD (which, unfortunately, isn’t yet managed with medication) and autism (as you might have guessed, haha!), along with comorbid depression.

Physically, I’m doing okay, though I do have scoliosis. I’m planning to start exercising again soon, but a job that involves too much physical strain wouldn’t be a good idea for me.

I’m also very anxious about working in construction; I think I’m just too sensitive for that kind of environment. I don’t handle that level of stress well, and I’ve spoken to several painters who confirmed that it probably wouldn’t be the right fit for me. Furthermore, I have absolutely no aptitude for IT or technical fields.

My interests include biology, chemistry, and physics (though I’d ​​need to brush up on my knowledge, the interest is definitely there). I also enjoy plumbing-related tasks—like fixing clogged sinks—and I’m good at cleaning. I absolutely love animals, though a career working with them would be difficult; I tend to feel sorry for them too easily, especially if I have to deal with things like animals dying. I’m also a creative person, I enjoy working with my hands, and I love being out in nature.

I would really appreciate any help or advice you could offer. I feel completely lost—I don’t know anything about the working world, and the whole situation fills me with such panic! :'(

Thank you!

I’m tired of not being able to live in the moment and taking every opportunity to be around family and friends as a waste of time, it’s sad af watching every single day go by and not being able to live to the best of my ability just because my brain makes everything boring and the worst part about it all is only ppl with our brain truly know what this feels like

What will follow is a way I am planning to explain my social interaction difficulties to my therapist next week. I would like feedback both on the model I am introducing as well as the approach (of course, general advice is also welcome).

First some backstory to make this comprehensible: I had lifelong mental health struggles and after a crisis in the beginning of this year I started seeing a therapist for 8 months now. In may/june I got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (depression was already diagnosed earlier) and am on meds for ADHD since early june. Overall, almost all aspects of my life improved, but with regards to social interaction just about nothing changed. The crisis I had was also around this (amongst other things), that I took steps and actually succesfully put myself in situations with a lot of potential (moved cities and transferred to a much bigger university for my masters for example) and while I had plenty of interaction, similarly, absolutely nothing changed. While I basically self-diagnosed with ASD (to myself) for the better part of a decade, this led me to believe I might have cPTSD or even AvPD because, even with ASD, I just cannot explain where I am struggling. Clearly I lack socialization (dysfunctional family) and *something*, and I don’t really know what it is, but in the end I cannot say much more than in execution, I *genuinely* do not know what to do.

Now, I have some friends and no big trouble keeping that up. I have somewhat of a social circle (basically overlapping with my special interests). But I have no idea how to “make friends”, there are just a few people were it happened and I cannot really retrace what I did specifically. Let alone romantic experience, but I see that in the very same lane as the other problems. I have talked to my therapist plenty about this, tried different ways of explaining it. But I don’t think she really gets it (or anyone really). A few sessions ago I literally said “I don’t get it, you don’t get it. Let’s just focus on something else for a few sessions”. So we looked at some other things before returning to it last session.

So one theme I used in my explanation is to differentiate between “Step 1”, by which I mean casual-type interactions I have plenty of and “Step 2” which are “established relationships” as in structured/predictable and personal/intimate to a degree. I mean platonic, romantic, family bonds. And I know I do “Step 1”, I also have some experience with “Step 2”, as in I have people that I know I crossed that boundary with. What I need help with is “Step 1.5”, how you turn a casual into a personal relationship. But every time she gave me an advice it would be “Step 1” type, like talking to people. And my response would be “I can talk to people. I do talk to people. If I know anything for certain it is that just talking to people will NOT cross that boundary”. Like I know it’s a prerequisite, but clearly I need to make some changes to actually do what I set out. This all excacervates with age, meaning natural opportunities to meet people will only restrict. At least in my mind this is also why it has become so much more of a bigger problems compared to my school years.

Now, last session I think we moved forward. Thinking about it, I noticed a big problem was that I did not differentiate interactions and relationships when talking of “Step 1 and 2”, and this brought problems because I tried to relate it to another example. I was comparing my mind in a social interaction to a highway. I know there’s multiple lanes but I can’t really change lanes a lot, miss exits etc. because I will just follow through one topic (i.e. “staying on the lane”). Of course that strenghtens if I talk about my special interests, but is a general phenomenon. Like for example if I talk to a classmate about the class in a break, that would be the “lane” I am in. And even if I thought they would make a potential friend I have trouble “steering away”  from the “class lane”. 

So for the next session I have taken three specific things my therapist said and tried to expand the two analogies (Steps and Highway) into a model of social interaction to explain exactly what my issues are and “where” they occur.

This is the “script” I have prepared so far to start the next session:

I want to explain my question today, which boils down to “What am I supposed to do?” The goal is not to answer that question today, but to come to a common denominator of what my issue is, in order to make it possible figuring out which direction the solution might be. I will take up 3 things you said in previous sessions, all of which I fully believe are true, but contain a caveat. Every one of those is a “yes, but…”

But first, why is this question important? 8 months ago when I first came in I told you that I cannot imagine myself turning 30 and still having these same problems. At that point that mark was 4 years away. 1/6 of these 4 years has now passed. Problems with school, with motivation and others have vastly improved. But social interaction has not. I have had plenty of interaction in these 8 months. And as I told you before a factor in my crisis was that the year prior to coming in, the same thing applied. I was social, I had interactions, yet nothing changed. 

Which brings me to the first thing you said, “recognizing the depth of a relationship or interaction becomes easier with experience”. I believe that is fully true, it must be true. But if it’s supposed to get better with experience, but it did factually not get better with the experience of the past 8 months, or the year prior to that, or really my whole entire life, clearly something is going on. What is the experience that makes it easier? How do I get this experience? And we get to the question: “What am I suppoed to do?”

Which brings me to the second thing you said, “talking about feelings is a way to grow closer”. I also completely agree, talking about feelings is a prerequisite to any deeper bond, there is no other way. But what exactly are we talking about? Let’s imagine in the abastract a field that holds all possible interactions between me and another person. Somewhere in this field, probably at multiple points, there is this possibility of talking about feelings. Let’s give this type of interaction an arbitrary number, 1.75.

I think you naturally sort of bunch together 3 things under “1.75” that I would delineate. 1.75 can be a motivation, it can also be an action upon that motivation, but most importantly it is an interaction. So in this field of possible interactions, what does 1.75 signify? It means two people are talking about emotions. Sounds simple, but here’s the deal: Me having the motivation 1.75 does not mean it happens, me acting on that motivation does not mean it happens. It can only happen if two people do it. So I imagine something like this: My motivation leads to my action, their motivation leads to their action, our inter-action can be termed in the abstract “1.75”. So to put it in a sort of calculations we can say: A1(M1) + A2(M2) = 1.75. My action (A) is a “function”/variety of my motivation (M), same with the other person. If I have the motivation of talking about feelings and the other person switches topics (for example), the end result is not 1.75. I may also have another motivation and we still end up at 1.75, it is non-linear.

Why do I think this distinction is important? Because you say “try 1.75” and just mix all of that up, it might seem quite simple to do something out of that motivation. However I hear “try 1.75” and start grinding my gears, filling in the “calculation”. What I hear is “go into an interaction that ends up at 1.75” with no real knowledge in how to get there. So I fill in the “calculation” as my motivation, which leads both to an infinite regress (because it just repeats itself for every M1) and to including actions in my motivation, which are separate but also importantly include things outside my control, the actions and motivations of the other person. I get that I need to do something and that motivations cannot really be changed heavily, but it is rather a task to figure them out. 

So I am thinking: I lack a certain kind of experience, I realize I need to do something, I WANT to do something, I want to figure out what’s my A1, or a possible A1. But I do not know what it is.

(This part I am not sure wether to include:) Adding to that, what does talking about feelings mean? I can see a few different avenues. But in real world application, someone might talk about something I would register being “about their feeings”, but I have no info on how personal that is to them. They might casually talk about their family, and I could intepet that as some personal talk when it’s not. That might lead to some issues but is certainly not the main problem. I am quite confident I could navigate that, at least it does not seem hopeless. But of course there’s the other sie of the equation: I need to be talking about feelings, I need to present in some way (verbally and non-verbally) what I am about, what I am open for etc. So I need to “mask”, which I think is doable, which I think can be useful in many ways. But I do not know how, so again we are at “What am I supposed to do?”

Then I come to the last thing you said, “sometimes you have to brige a gap and make a jump to change the type of relationship”. Let’s go back to the field of possible interaction an order it in a way that certain interactions are categorized in different types of relationship. These can be casual or intimate, both in various different ways. And again, this is a linear expression of something deeply unlinear, so I do not expect this to make sense as a full model of social interactions. However, what it grasps is that “bridging the gap” is something that happens within a certain relationship and leading out of it. If I am university acquaintances with someone, every possibility to change that relationship type, wether to “consistent group work partner”, “casual friend” or “romantic partner” must come out of an interaction (or a chain of interactions) happening within the category of “university acquaintance”.

Now I don’t believe neurotypical peopel have any definitive certainty of “if I do x we’re gonna end up as consistent group work partners, if I do y we’re gonna end up  as casual friends and if I do z we’re gonna end up as romantic partners”. But, as far as I am able to tell, feelings give neurotypical people something like a very vague GPS. So you don’t know this “track” leads to casual friendship, but if you are moving towards that as an interaction develops, but you just want to stay acquaintances or actually have romantic interests you get something of a feeling regarding that, and do x or z as “course corrections” or attempts thereof. And of course this does not come from some innate knowledge, but from experience. The experience of knowing “if I do z that might lead to a romantic relationship”. And here I am, knowing I have “bridged the gap” with some people, at some point, but I look back and find nothing that categorically distinguishes my interactions with the people where the bridge was gapped and those where it didn’t happen. And I am interacting, quite often, with people, starting *somewhere*, moving *somewhere* for *some reason* and all I receive in “live updates” is something like “what a lovely conversation urban design”. Even if I had some clear indication of knowing I am platonically interested in someone, which is hard for me to begin with, I cannot draw the connection from “talking about urban design” to something like “talking about feelings” with the goal of “becoming friends”. Which is of course because nothing about the urban design conversation itself will give info on that, the “info” is on another plane entirely. So back to “what am I supposed to do?” And at this point I cannot even myself say what the question is referring to: is it knowing how to better identify my own motivations? Is it reading body language better? Is it masking better? Is it all of those? Is it something else? I do not even know where to begin figuring it out. But I do know having just another interaction with someone cannot help me if I don’t even know what I should be putting my attention towards, what I could be learning, where the experience arises that is supposed to help figure it out, or make it easier figuring it out (and of course, again, I don’t know what *it* is that I am supposed to figure out in the first place).

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This is more ornpess what I am planning to discuss, possibly over multiple sessions. I want to give one more piece of context. Right around when the diagnosis became clear my therapist recommended SSRIs (or rather to talk about it with the psychiatrist I go to for the ADHD medication) and I was asking “what experiences do you think I will have on these meds?” Because it was explained to me that what the SSRI is more or less supposed to do in my case is ease anxiety, make interactions easier and over time make me more comfortable with them. And while I did have anxiety and still do (around like 10-20% of what I had a year ago, so vastly less), I could not answer myself or get an answer from my therapist what experiences are supposed to actually ease the anxiety (I hope it is clear how this ties into the whole discussion above). I did not get on any SSRIs, but at this point I am more open to try because I grasp for something, anything, that might help. But I still think the most likely outcome would be having more interactions where I keep having no idea what I’m supposed to do. And this is not just my fantasy, as I have been on SSRIs in the past (escitalopram) where this exact thing happened and they didn’t improve my social functioning in any way, shape or form (while it may be more of a coincidence, my mental health actually decreased during the period I took it).

Now, I rambled enough. Give me your brutally honest feedback. Does any of this make even the slightest sense? Is it relatable? Have you figured out solutions to these problems? Or am I on the wrong track entirely here?

Personally Halloween is probably one night a year I feel the most social to go out and participate the most. I like the idea that you can have your mask on and pretend to be, (“Normal”) for a night. You can dance easier, perform easier, and if you find yourself staring into space, or at someone creepily it works in your favor since you have a scary mask on. There’s a huge relief when you realized these things. This is the one night a year where you can go out feeling more like the extrovert you wish you could be! 🎃👻💀

Hey everyone. I am wondering if anyone here has not been formally diagnosed with autism. and how you are thinking about it. I am currently weighing whether to get a formal diagnosis of Autism myself. I had a formal assessment for ADHD though.

I know the pros would be getting closure and confirmation. On the flip side, the autism assessment feels pretty lengthy and would cost a few thousand dollars. I also checked disability benefit requirements, and my symptoms do not cause the level of hardship needed to qualify. I am out of school, and while I do work, I am not planning to ask for workplace accommodations right now.

Is there anything else I missed considering in this decision? Let me know your thoughts.

Estoy en el proceso de evaluación  de neurodivergencia, ya me dijeron que di positivo en todos los rasgos neurodivergentes. Sospecho autismo y tdah combinados (auDHD)

Estoy buscando estrategias que me sirvan

Y formas de transmitirlo.

Contexto: trabajo en un refugio de montaña, estoy 8 días en el refugio y 4 en mi casa.

Aveces me quieren mandar a descansar cuando no siento la necesidad, además siento que no voy a lograr descansar por los ruidos, y ademas, ya se que cuando vuelva a la cocina voy a forzar mucho mi mente analizando "TODO", (quien llegó en el rato que no estuve, van a cenar? Mis compañeros se acordaron de anotarlos? Ya les asignaron la habitación? Que falta hacer?, etc)

Prefiero estar esos 8 dias a full y quizas descansar en momentos que no hay tareas especificas y mis compañeros están teniendo charlas "banales". Antes que tener varios "descansos" en el medio del caos. Cosa que a ellos les sirve pero a mi no.

Como hago para transmitirlo y que entiendan?