My height has never really bothered me. I’m pretty confident but one thing I will say that does bother me is when people try to make me feel bad about my height. The only people who mention my height are people who aren’t even that much taller than me. I’m 5’4. My height has never stopped me from doing things in life. Sports and with women. I just don’t like when people project their insecurities on other people. Just cause you don’t like your height doesn’t mean you can go around and make people feel insecure like you do. At the same time, I’ve developed this dysphoria around height I sit here and think people would treat me differently if I was taller. It feels like I have to constantly prove myself to people which is weird. I’m muscular and athletic but unfortunately we live in a society where some people think height matters and it’s frustrating. I just wish people words or opinions didn’t hold so much power over me. I’m working on not caring about what people think but it’s hard.

The short kings on here, what do you do to become more confident?

I couldn't find a post on this, maybe because it's a dumb question since usually steroids = not natural. But trans men are using steroids to get to average male levels, not to supercede them, so does it even count?

Just wondering since I'm getting to the point where people ask about my muscles and if the question about being natural ever comes up I'm wondering what the truth would actually be since I'm on hrt but my T levels are the same as a guy who is natural.

Do u put that you’re trans in ur profile? Why/why not?

I do but I tend to get dudes that’re expecting me to be some sort of femboy so I’m considering removing it idk

To start, I like my name in theory. It’s a nice sounding name with a good meaning, and my form of the name (it has popped up independently on multiple continents) originates in the culture my family has held for thousands of years. It’s a good name, and I don’t have much of an issue with it. It just doesn’t really feel like mine.

Here’s where it starts to get a little more complicated. There’s another name, with all the same things I like about my current one and more. It’s a masculine name, traditional in my culture and with a similar meaning to my name. Thinking about myself with this name feels better than my current one does, it sounds nice, it’s pretty much perfect. I can’t find a single thing I dislike about it (am I repeating myself too much?).

I cannot choose this name. When I was too young to remember, my little brother died. He had this name. Despite how much I adore this name, how much it feels like mine, it would feel so awful to be a constant reminder to my parents that they lost their son.

This is marked as a discussion because I’m not really looking for solutions, just to talk about something in my life and see if anyone else had anything similar they might want to share.

Subjects: Dysphoria, appreciation for queer and trans people, slightly sad/negative headspace but optimistic

I've been surrounding myself in a trans and queer bubble ever since I came out and started my social and medical transition 5 years ago. Recently i've been socializing outside my usual circles and the dysphoric episode was so unexpected. I have a new-found appreciation for my community, i never felt weird or uncomfortable with other trans/queer people, I didn't think about how I looked, how I sounded, how I acted, I just was. I was also frequently validated that I had cis-passing. Recently, I've realized that cis passing standards to other trans people are very different to cis passing with cis people. I'm lucky enough to be respected by all the cis people in my life, but the treatment is so different. I'm not treated like a man, i'm treated like a trans man. They do "masculine" hand shakes differently with me, they look at me from the side of their eye, they talk to me differently. I thought i was stealth at Uni, and there's no way to sound this without sounding ungrateful: but it was crushing to slowly realize everyone/most people know and just don't say anything. I'm taking care of myself to not let this affect me because i don´t want to go into a negative spiral and i shouldn't be ashamed of being trans. but i'm seeking out online community to talk about similar experiences or some nice words. Thanks everyone who read this

Spoke with my provider today, and while looking over my bloods, she brought this up. Thankfully, right now, my hematocrit levels are within normal range, but I was told that were they to go above a certain threshold, we'd have to lower my dosage.

So in my confusion I was just sort of like "Yeah sure, okay", but now that I'm actually thinking about it, is there really no other way? What if I were a cis guy with high hematocrit? What would they do then? It might never happen, but I want to be prepared if it does, because the last thing I want is to lower my dosage if there's something else I can do.

There’s a specific group of people that like to target trans people, but in a way that’s subtle enough for others not to see it. But as a trans person, it’s noticeable and hard to explain to cis people because they don’t understand.

Whenever I try standing up for myself, I get compared to Tyler Catastrophe and called a narcissist for calling people out on their shit and setting boundaries.

I left a friend group a couple years ago because I was constantly being targeted and accused of things I didn’t do, and eventually really bad rumors were spread about me to make me look like a really terrible person. Eventually, most of the school hated me.

(TW: upcoming SA mention)

This one girl who I was friends with for almost a decade (we’ll call her Hannah) has bipolar and narcissism. Despite having proof (screenshots of her admitting what she did to me + admitting she spread rumors about me) that the rumors weren’t true, everyone STILL took her side because she’s 3 years younger, she’s a girl, and that she’s alternative which many high school boys are attracted to so of course they’ll side with her despite proof she’s a bad person. Mind you I had proof she SAed me multiple times even after I said stop because she admitted to it over text when I was confronting her about it.

She used the fact that I’m male, and that im older to make me look like a predator, along with spreading rumors about me that were proven to be false. Not to mention, some of the things she did to me were illegal and nobody seemed to care or admit they were wrong when I called her out for it.

There was also double standards because another girl in our friend group went on a bender and did drugs, treated us all poorly and deleted the friend group chat, and just a couple months later after her drug addiction was over everyone was welcoming her like nothing ever happened even though we never got an apology. But when I call people out on their shit I get called a predator🤦

There was another trans guy in the group who was also targeted, but I find it really weird because Hannah had an older transgender brother who she never targeted but she instead would find the “right” people to be transphobic towards. Not to mention she also would call me the T slur

I’d give more details but there’s so much that happened. I definitely feel like this would NOT have happened if I wasn’t trans

Happy to say my consultation with my provider went so well and I'll finally be on Testosterone ☺️🏳️‍⚧️ my journey continues!

I've been on T for 5 years and am stealth in my everyday life and I'm thinking about studying to become a midwife. But I'm not sure if it's weird to do so as a man.

I will use anatomical terms to describe most things.

Okay so I never shaved my body hair, not even my pubes. A quick trim here and there is all I've ever done. But now that I'm 3 months on testosterone, hair has started to grow on the inside of my labia majora and the hair is basically just scratching everything else. It fucking hurts, there are little wounds in some places now and just ughh I cannot deal with this. Does anyone have any advice?

TW: Internalized misogyny, internalized transphobia, gender dysphoria

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever written. I'm posting this because I feel incredibly alone in all of this, and I don't know where else to put these thoughts anymore. I'm aware that some of the things I'm about to say are problematic, and I feel an almost unbearable amount of guilt for thinking this way on a daily basis.

As the title suggests, I've spent most of my life denying a part of myself. Or, more accurately, denying the possibility that there is a part of myself I've never allowed myself to understand. I've tried to bury the thought that I might be trans for as long as I can remember. I'm now in my mid-twenties, and I don't think I can keep doing this. Lately, I've had this sinking feeling that if I continue to ignore it, something in my life is eventually going to break.

I don't enjoy being female. I don't know how else to put it. I present somewhat femininely, partly because it's easier to navigate the world that way and partly because there are social benefits to being a relatively conventionally attractive young woman.

All these feelings have turned into something ugly. I struggle to be friends with women. I've deliberately chosen a degree as far removed as possible from anything that might be considered a women's field. I don't even like listening to music with female singers. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's true. I've spent so much time trying to distance myself from womanhood that even the smallest associations can make me uncomfortable.

I've also been transphobic for much of my life, and that's probably one of the hardest things to admit. I've had several friends come out as trans (mtf) , and my first reaction has often been anger, (not directly towards them of course). Not because I don't want them to be happy, but because some part of me resents them for something I can barely articulate.

In my mind, they had won the lottery by being born male. They had been given something I've spent my entire life wishing I could have, and now they were choosing to give it up. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand how someone could willingly leave behind the very thing I had always imagined would make my life bearable.

I know how unfair that is. I know that their experiences are not mine, and that being born male doesn't mean their lives have been easy. I know that their identities and choices have nothing to do with me. But knowing all of that hasn't made the resentment disappear. If anything, it has made me feel even more ashamed of it.

The worst part is that I don't know how much of my anger toward women, or toward trans people, comes from prejudice and how much comes from something I've been too afraid to confront in myself. I don't want to use my own confusion as an excuse for the way I've thought about other people. I just wish I understood why these feelings have such a hold on me.

The strange thing is that my life is fine. Objectively, I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a good education, a boyfriend, and a life that probably looks perfectly acceptable to most people. There isn't some obvious catastrophe I can point to and say, That's why I'm unhappy. Nothing is particularly wrong, and yet I feel as though I can barely stand being alive in the body I've been given.

I can't stand listening to my own voice. I struggle to look at my face. I can't stand having sex. For as long as I can remember, when I imagine myself, there isn't really a body there at all. In my own head, I've been a faceless, bodiless, genderless entity.

I don't know what any of this means. I don't know if I'm trans. I don't know if I'm simply unhappy, if I've spent so long hating myself that I no longer know what I want, or if I'm finally getting close to something I've been running from my entire life.

And I'm terrified of finding out.

I've spent years lurking in this subreddit, reading other people's experiences and wondering whether I recognize myself in them. Every time I get close to admitting that I might, I find some reason to dismiss it. I tell myself I'm making it up, that I'm too old to be questioning this, that my life is too good for me to be unhappy, that I'm just jealous of other people, that I'm a coward for even considering it.

I've never written any of this down before. Not publicly, not privately, not even in a way that would allow me to look at the words and pretend they belong to someone else.

I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. I don't know what I'm asking for. Maybe I just need someone to hear me, because I'm exhausted from keeping all of this to myself.

I'm scared that I'll never figure it out. I'm scared that I'll figure it out and won't know what to do with the answer. And I'm scared that I've already spent so much of my life trying not to be something that I've forgotten how to imagine being anything else.

I just know that I can't keep pretending this isn't happening.

I'm sorry if this is incoherent I'm just writing down strings of my thoughts. English isn't my first language, and honestly, I don't know if I know how to explain any of this in any language.

Originally from the bay but I’ve moved to Chicago for my masters, and I’m now more openly trans. I’m coming home for winter break and want to make some new friends. Where do yall congregate

First off: I understand that this is not a forum for medical advice.

That said, has anyone else experienced itching around their injection site in the first few months of injecting T? I've read on some medical sites that it is not uncommon and that it is usually stops happening after your body gets used to the injections. But I wanted to get the human touch of talking to others about it.

I didn't have it my first few times (I'm about six weeks in). But with the last two, a few days later I've developed something that basically looks like a mosquito bite, itches about the same amount or a little more, and keeps itching for longer.

Have you had this? Did you find anything OTC (like anti-itch cream or Benadryl or whatever) that helps with the itching? Anything I should be mindful of?

I'll tell my doc next time I have an appointment, but my insurance doesn't cover gender-affirming care, and I'm loath to make an extra $220 appointment if I can avoid it.

I just took my first dose less than an hour ago!! I want to know how your first month went and what were the first things you noticed or other peopled noticed.

So I (20ftm) have been on testosterone for a year now since October 13th. Prior to starting hrt, I was firmly identifying as bisexual, had a few boyfriends cis and trans throughout my life as well as a few girlfriends and thought I leaned towards being more attracted to men. It’s also important to mention I’m asexual (I do experience arousal but don’t want anyone involved in sex with me basically)

And so this came about in a pretty silly way, but basically my friends were thirstposting about Austin Abrahms and I remembered also being attracted to him a few years back when he was in Weapons. But then I started thinking about it, looked at pictures of him etc and realized I don’t feel it anymore. And then, I started thinking back more and realized that over the course of the last three months or so, I haven’t really found any man attractive. Like, I remember I would sometimes watch a movie or just walk along the street and see a pretty man and be like “woah that guy’s pretty”, but this hasn’t happened to me in a while. I also looked at pictures etc of men I was previously attracted to or considered my crushes (celebrity and like real life crushes) and realized I’m not actually into any of them at all. Except for literally just one male actor, men aren’t attractive to me anymore, I can’t really picture myself with a man, I don’t feel like dating them, I don’t think I would catch feelings for a man.

And thing is, I know that it used to be the case before. Like I would genuinely be really, really into men, but that’s not there anymore. Instead, I find myself a lot more attracted (even sexually) to women, which I knew I liked them, but it became like more noticeable basically. I heard of people experiencing sexuality changes on hrt, but from what I found, that would usually include people’s sexual attraction broadening, not disappearing like what happened to me. What could the explanation for this be?

Kind of a weird question, but for DI top surgery can you ask them to make the tip of the nipple smaller or even close to flat?

I've always hated how my nipples look, they contort and wrinkle in weird ways and I hate that the tip sticks out so much. I'd still want nipple grafts when I get top surgery though cause I want a masculine looking chest, but I don't want the tips to stick out and be visible through a shirt, you know what I mean?

I’ve always had a hard time with how I identify. I grades 4-6 I was genderfluid and used he/him and she/her depending on the day. I really liked it, but it was too confusing for other people so I started going by they/them. I’m a bio female but it doesn’t feel right, and they/them doesn’t feel complete.

I want to be a guy so bad and I have insane waves of dysphoria but sometimes I also like to present kinda feminine. I don’t know what to do… when I mentioned it to my mom when I was like 11, she said I was too old and it would have been noticed earlier but I don’t think that’s fair (she is very supportive of trans people in general, just not me for some reason), so I havent talked with her about it since.

The dysphoria has been very heavy recently and I’m heavily considering getting a packer, new binder, and starting HRT behind my parents backs, but I want help to make sure I’m not being rash. The social struggle with transitioning has been making me hesitant too because it’s such a long and difficult process to pass despite me always presenting as male online and in video games.

Id love hearing your guy’s thoughts and advice. Ty :)

Edit: I should probably add that I’m 15, so I don’t even know how I would go about getting hrt or gender affirming care without my parents knowing because i feel like they’d say it’s a phase or that I’m being impulsive. I did change my name a while back though, which is how everyone refers to me now but my mom has said that she loves my given name and hates to refer to me as anything else, but she does it anyway.

Also, after looking at everyone’s posts on here, I dont know if my dysphoria is really that bad. Being a bio female didn’t cause my depression and I don’t think it influences it much, but whenever I think about being male, my heart picks up and I feel all giddy and really happy, which is odd for me.

Edit 2: Okay so, I just impulse bought a new binder and my first packer + boxers (it’s stp so I’ll prob need to practice with it) and I am so excited that I have butterflies! Thank you so so so much for your validation, my parents certainly didn’t give any when I just told them about my experimentation lol

i know that once a guy grows a beard/moustache passing is almost always guaranteed but i'd rather be clean shaven
my worry is that i won't be able to pass as my age like that until i hit like 40 and aging helps me along(currently pre t) because i have a face that is feminine even by female standards, small button nose, fem lips narrow mouth small head etc
I suppose part of my worry is that at best i'll look andro and maybe not in a good way, like i'll end up with a weird mash up of feminine and masc features, like i get told i look anywhere from 17-20 even tho i'm in my 20s
did anyone here get on t looking fem and end upfine?

I apologize if this is common knowledge but i just figured this out and have to share for any bros out there who are concerned about losing doses due to hub loss (the lil bit that stays in the hub of the syringe. Can be 10% of a dose!!). This applies to syringes that dont have necked plungers (mine have flat plungers) as necked plungers address hub loss by including a necked portion at the end of the plunger to do the same thing we're doing with air.

Bolded the math terms for make easier to read

Note: I am Transfemme and originally posted a version of this in MTF but the bros could use this info too surely :D as hub loss sucks for everyone involved

Thanks to the Magic of Fluid Dynamics, you can actually use a lil bit of air in the syringe to push on the oil. I just discovered what i believe is a foolproof way to measure that air bubble so you can just push the plunger down without having to watch to see when youre about to inject air! (injecting air is nbd tbh they inject air into you for laproscopic surgery, your body dissolves it over time, but like, ya know..)

Syringes with screw-on tips may need this measurement each time unless you can fully crank the tips on all the way consistently each time. Otherwise if the syringe is unibody or youre really good at screwing it in every time you can skip measurment and go right to the Adjusted Dose + Pusher Air steps

EDIT/NOTE: I havent figured out how to articulate a foolproof way to do this if you need to change your needle tip out between draws. Drawing on 25g was fucky but i was able to do it with Valerate in sesame oil. Less fucky than having to guess/watch air for hub loss though.

• Draw your dose as normal, to your usual dose line.
• Withdraw the needle from the oil and turn it vertically so the needle points up
• Draw in air until the top of the oil in the syringe is at end of the plunger space, where the plunger would normally stop. The Hub above that spot should now contain air
• Look at dose reading, note the difference between your intended dose (ex:0.4ml) and the current reading (Ex: 0.435mL because my hubs lose 0.035ml per shot if i dont do this method. almost 10% of my prescription. waow.) This difference is your Hub Loss Measurement. This is how much fluid would be held captive in the hub if you dont do this.
• Subtract the Hub Loss Measurement (Ex. 0.035) from your Dose (0.4), to get your Adjusted Dose. For me this is 0.365mL
• Insert the syringe into the vial, with needle up, and push both the air and the oil back out into the vial until you reach that Adjusted Dose (0.365, youre pushing the same amount of oil out as the air you drew in. The reason for pushing air out in this stage is for consistency since its possible to over-draw while measuring).
• Remove the syringe from the vial and draw back on the plunger (needle up) until you reach your dose again (0.4mL). Youll notice a bubble forms in the top of the syringe. Then turn the syringe around again, needle down, and tap the syringe until the air bubble floats to the top.
• The volume of the air bubble inside is now the same amount of air needed to push in all of your dose without having to watch the air bubble/guess when to stop. My 25g needles will automatically "prime" the syringe by capillary action when pointed down, since the air bubble can "expand" a bit due to the effect of gravity and fluid dynamics. Basically you dont need to prime the needle, it will prime itself.
• Inject as normal. The air will push out all the Bestosterone with minimal amounts remaining in the needle/hub, without putting air under your skin, without having to watch :3

Getting a little air in is totally fine, they inject air into patients doing laproscopic surgery and the body just dissolves it out over time. But the last thing I wanna do is watch for the air bubble when im stabbing myself when i already hate needles.

yeah babeeyy

Is there anyone here who is on a really low maintenance dose of testosterone? I've been on T for 3 years now and i've experienced all the masculinization i was hoping for and more. The problem is that my body seems to be extremely good at adapting to the medication. So i'll be on the exact same dose for like 9 months, then my T levels start creeping up, then aromatization kicks off, and then my E starts creeping up, which for me sets off a load of mental health problems. It's fr like clockwork, every time my total blood testosterone starts approaching 600ng/dL I start feeling shitty and depressed. I've gone from .3ml (60mg) weekly to .22 (44mg) weekly and I'm probably going to have to cut back again (you'll also notice these aren't very high numbers to begin with). It's not a huge deal, but it is frustrating. I just wish my body could absorb medication at a stable predictable rate jfc.

Tldr: Is there anyone out there who has had issues with aromatization and eventually found a stable dose? I guess i'm just trying to feel less alone 🫠

I wanna start off by saying I have so much respect for all transgender individuals, this isn't me trying to be disrespectful, I'm just lost. I've felt something was off since I was 14, im 21 now and it keeps getting worse, I've identified as nonbinary (not publicly) and that seems to feel right, but physically nothing feels right. I dont know if this is a regular type of self loathing or if its dysphoria lol but either way it sucks.

I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about this further but I'm heavily considering canceling it or making it about something else because im terrified. I dont know if this is the right step or if its a step I even wanna take, my friends are the most supportive people ive ever known and it helps so much, but I know only I can make this decision and I dont know what to do. Im sure it wont hurt to talk to a therapist but im scared I won't get the answers im looking for, what if im not approved for hormones, but what if I am, either option scares me and I dont know if I want to do it. I genuinely wish I could just ignore it all and ive tried but its so painful.

I guess im just looking for some advice, I don't know what to do, and i dont know if how i feel is even considered to be "trans" because most people ive heard describe how it feels say they just feel like a man, or they just feel like a woman, and i dont really feel like either? Like im just a person. i've described it to people as wanting a piercing or dying my hair, ive been told its not that simple but it feels that simple to me, like getting the hormones and surgeries are just ways to feel more like myself, just adjusting into who I wanna be and look like, im sorry if this is confusing, im confused lol any advice would be really appreciated, please don't be mean im very fragile 🙏 lol

I haven't had a lot of experience with different binders, so I'm willing to try anything! So far, I've had multiple Amazon binders (Eyuck!) And several Wonababi binders, including seamless, waterproof, ultra flat, crop, and full! All of them seem to stretch out after a month or less of wearing... If possible, maybe having a wider neckhole so its less likely to be seen through my shirt neckhole, everything is useful! Or any tips is great too :)