Married, in my 30s, no kids and won't be having them. I genuinely love being alone or with my husband. I have a really social and physical job where I'm "on" all the time, and I'm a business owner, so when I'm home I am writing books, hiking with my dogs, cooking/baking, reading, gardening, taking care of our 2 acres. I go to a monthly writing group and sometimes I will hang out with another person once a month (maybe). Mostly I force myself to check in on friends or respond to their texts more out of fear that I'll grow into a mean old lady without friends, like my mom. But the difference between my mom and I is that I have a rich internal/creative life and I'm not just watching TV all day. My husband is my BFF but we do a healthy amount of things on our own. Sometimes I want a close friend group but I honestly can't (don't want to) give myself to others in the consistent and reliable way that would require. I'm busy writing and being outside and reading! But I do worry about the affects of being too alone when I'm an old lady. My husband is 10 years older than me too, I consider that fact. I know loneliness is not good for an elderly person's health. But the problem is right now, I'm not lonely! Anyone else wrestle with this?

Guys, I’ve never really been able to make many friends. Growing up, I only had one or two, and I’ve spent the last four years mostly alone. For the last two years, I literally had no friends. I was always chasing people, trying to make connections, and eventually I made one or two friends, along with a few online friends. But even now, I barely talk to them.

The weird thing is, I don’t even feel like talking to people anymore. It’s like I’ve convinced myself that I don’t need friends or connections at all. But at the same time, there’s this emptiness inside me that’s making it really hard to enjoy life. I don’t understand why I’ve become like this. I’m a 17 year old guy, and I feel like I’ve already lost the desire to connect with people, even though a part of me still feels lonely.

Can someone help me understand why this is happening to me?

I have social anxiety, and I have had that for a very long time, if not since I was little. Not sure when it started. I am usually reserved outside of a set group of people (who I don't even call that often). If someone doesn't call me, I won't usually come out of my room/home to do so if I am not used to you. A few weeks ago I moved to my aunt's home for financial reasons, and my parents are abroad, working. I go to college and all, I have social media content that I do, and I sell things on etsy. Outside of all this, I don't really talk to anyone unless prompted.
People, usually my extended family, usually think that I hate them or am "scheming" something when I'm barely even thinking about them. I have no issue with them or anything. I am nice to them, I help as much as I can when they need me, but they always say that I look down of them when I'm not. Is there a way I can fix that?

PLEASE DO READ 🙏🙏 (from reddit mait)

So, umm, weird to say this and I wanna stay anonymous. Feeling extremely lonely and left out.

Is it common to feel lonely despite having friends? Like, my friends are extremely kind and nice, but I feel my frequency doesn't match theirs as much, and our interests vary. I feel drained sometimes as well, and lonely too, as I feel my life lacks fun, etc. Like, no one to go out with during the festive season, no one to enjoy going out with, and no one to talk to, etc., making daily fun lonely too. Mostly messages come asking for help or some work related thing only (I am happy helping others, but find left out as mostly no one messages just for the sake of it).

Also, the fun-type people in my class whom I also truly want to befriend by heart have already consolidated into friend groups and friend circles, and I feel groups and friendships have stabilised over two months of college. Like, I'm maybe friendly with all of them and join in here and there, but the core friend groups and deep friendships have stabilised. Like, groups stay together and have deep friendships and all.

I feel these groups have stabilised, and making deep friendship bonds (like sitting together, messaging and meeting outside college and sharing some random talks is difficult at this point) with new people at this point in time is not possible. Like I feel, even sitting with someone's group of friends would feel like someone is breaching their privacy and might make the situation more awkward. I feel like these different worlds never meet or coincide, destined to remain separated, and I'm feeling sad about the lack of fun in my life and inability to befriend them. Sometimes wanted to cry too.

like i go to college in hope of better days with some people (mostly whom i actually enjoy spending time with but actually am not in their core friends , nor talk outside college and all as i am friendly with others but aint having good friendship bonds with people i actually enjoy spending time with) . Mostly the day goes by in fog and all without much interaction and to my frustration , it gives more and more sadness , irritation etc if it goes with no interaction and all . Like when i do have talks (random) , games or anything with others , i feel far happier even after returning home , otherwise my entire day goes in sadness and all . Like this cycle of sadness and ruined day , depression seeing people online on insta whatsapp still no one to talk to is making me sad .Like this cycle of sadness and ruined day , depression seeing people online on insta whatsapp still no one to talk to is making me sad .

Am I overthinking this as I want to make more friends, or do friendships and groups actually become harder to enter as college progresses? For people who felt this way during their first few months of college, how did things eventually turn out for you or something else you wanna say? I would be utmost thankful for each and every response (may comment even days after this post, i would be extremely thankful). I am extremely sorry for any kind of problem this post might be causing to anyone. thank youHere is a poor drawing i made to vent my mind out with whatever 1st grader type skills i have

I’m in my 40 now I don’t have any friends I haven’t been in a relationship since my mid 20s. as an introvert how does everyone deal with it. I know this may seem crazy I’m going to a speed dating event coming up has anyone else ever done it . is anyone else really quiet and shy ?

This situation worries me a great deal. I am at university, where I have to present projects and participate in exercises during class; I feel terrible because it seems as though I stutter, yet when I am alone, I speak completely fluently.

i’m 21f and i go nonverbal quite a lot. i am not shy but i am introverted and would rather not have attention on me.

i have made a few gym friends with some girls and they are very loud and chatty. i try my best to keep up but my voice is really quiet so sometimes they don’t even hear what i say.

whenever they make a joke i feel like my laughter is forced and it doesn’t feel genuine. i really try to fit in but my voice is very monotone and quiet… i can go days without talking, no problem. i find myself cringing when i force my laughter and try to relate to them, like this isn’t me!

even when i do talk, i feel like its just me asking questions about them and nobody really listens to anything about me.

how can i come across as more extroverted and not weird? i feel like i give off depressing vibes.

Does anyone else have relatives who basically ignore them and never invite them to family events or gatherings

How do you deal with it

right its been bothering me all night but i need to cancel some plans i made tomorrow to go out with friends because it feels like a " you can come if u want invite" that i said yes to out of politenesss aswell. Like the girls are going are all friends for years and i ve only been invited cause i was sat with them , they all already have a gc and everything tg and i ve only been with half of them for like a week so like how do i cancel tomorrow morning (day of) without seeming like a bitch
like i like them i js have social anxiety and dont wanna push myself into their friendship group and end up bothering them😭🙏

sorry to post again i read the rules

Im 27M and finally letting myself be vulnerable after protecting myself for so many years. As an introvert, its hard to open up to someone growing up but the anxiety of what ifs, the guilt of unsaid thoughts can no longer be enclosed within. Its also made me do more bad decisions and make it an excuse to justify it, but man, I can finally cry after so many years! I’m happy with it, even if I faced a recent heartbreak, so many heartbreaks and asking for apologies, admitting and accepting what is currently happening, I feel better where I am.

Yeah, I’m on the first step of getting back at my feet, rediscovering myself and the world alone but as of now, I no longer have the guilt and finally forgiven myself for what happened, I needed that as well. I also recognized myself at last in how to manage the anxiety of what ifs… You might be worrying about something that deep within, you can do something about it. So as long as its not yet despair or uncontrollable. Act upon it.

​

I need advice from fellow introverts who have been in a similar place.

I am an introvert (I have no close friends, and I keep my struggles to myself). I am in a long-term relationship with an extroverted partner. We are not legally married, but we have 4 children together.

He is very social, a people-pleaser, and gets involved in everything. I recently found out he has been unfaithful for a long time and has other children outside our family. I have been faithful the whole time.

It has broken me deeply. I have tried to plan a way to separate, but it hasn't worked yet. Because I am introverted, I don't have people to talk to about what is happening at home.

I want to heal and one day find love again with someone who understands an introverted personality, someone who values loyalty and quiet connection like I do.

If you have been through a similar betrayal or had to leave a long relationship as an introvert parent, how did you survive it? How did you find the courage to start over, especially with children involved?

Any advice on healing and moving forward would mean a lot. Thank you.

My lonniness started when I was small (like nursery 2 I think (im Nigerian) ) the teacher used to beat us for speaking loudly (even if you don't speak as long as another person shout everybody will receive). so me as small that I was I thought that if I keep quiet all together and not express myself the teachers will leave me alone (and it worked.

the teacher were even praising me) but the more they praised me the more I refuse to talk. and like that I couldn't express or talk to my peers I couldn't even look people in the eye (even now I have problems looking at people, I ask myself if am looking at people to long). my jss 2 was the worst for a full term I didn't socialize (and I regret all I did was sit in my chair. and the painful part is that then people wanted to talk to me unlike now that everyone is on they own) I truly regret

. now I want to talk with people but my mouth will not talk(am currently in my 400lvl in uni, things have gotten far better.but I still feel like I wasted my school years)

Hey everyone,

Main ek 24 saal ka recent grad hoon aur abhi ghar par hi reh raha hoon. Mere 4 doston ka ek bohot hi close group hai, par wo din bhar apne kaam mein busy rehte hain, toh humari baat sirf raat mein thodi der ke liye hoti hai. Sach kahu toh, is wajah se din ka zyada time main bohot akela aur sad feel karta hoon.

Main is rut se bahar aana chahta hoon. Main poori tarah se introvert toh nahi hoon—ek baar kisi ke sath comfortable ho jaau toh ghanto baatein kar sakta hoon. Par kisi anjaan insaan se khud jaakar baat initiate karne mein meri fatt jati hai.

Meri sabse badi problem ye hai ki main bohot jaldi attach ho jata hoon. Agar kisi se thodi der bhi achhi baat ho jaye, toh mujhe instant connection feel hone lagta hai, aur fir main overthink karna shuru kar deta hoon. Agar koi late reply kare, toh dimaag mein turant 100 negative scenarios banne lagte hain. Ye cheez mujhe andar se dara deti hai, isliye main stress aur anxiety se bachne ke liye logo se baat karna hi chhod deta hoon.

Maine khud ko push karne ki bohot koshish ki hai. Main shaam ko paas ke gardens mein is umeed se jata hoon ki shayad kisi se naturally baat shuru ho jaye, par anxiety itni haavi ho jati hai ki main bas blank ho jata hoon aur kuch bol hi nahi pata.

Main ghar par akele baith kar bore aur lonely feel karne se bilkul thak chuka hoon. Kya aap mein se kisi ne is tarah ki overthinking ya jaldi attach hone waali problem face ki hai? Aap log is se kaise deal karte ho?

Aur haan, agar koi pune ke aas-paas rehta hai aur hangout karna chahta hai, chai peena chahta hai ya bas aise hi chill karna chahta hai, toh please DM karna. Mujhe naye logo se connect hoke sach mein bohot achha lagega.

I feel like I’m strange, and I imagine a lot of people would think I was strange too if they knew that I prefer peace and solitude to love and finding a partner.
People my age are dating, some of them have been in long-term relationships, and I’ve never experienced any of that.
Even when I was a young girl, I wanted a boyfriend. Other girls would laugh at me for it, and I felt like I needed love so badly.
Now the roles have been reversed.
I’m 21, and I can’t imagine myself in a relationship anymore. I don’t want one, even though there are brief moments when I wish I could feel important to someone, feel wanted and desired.
I enjoy my own company. I like who I am, and it’s only recently that I’ve started to appreciate spending time with myself.
I don’t know if the way I’m living is healthy, though. Whenever there are social events or opportunities to go out, I’m quick to make it clear that I’m busy.
I love silence and peace. I like observing other people’s lives. I love sitting in my room and watching someone walk their dog outside.
But, as I said before, when I look at girls my age who are in relationships, I can’t help feeling like I’m missing out on something.
Has anyone else ever felt this way?

I don't know whether this is actually a problem worth worrying about or simply a part of my story that I will eventually leave behind. Sometimes I wonder whether I am giving too much importance to something that will probably stop mattering once my school life ends. After all there is only about a month left. Soon, these classrooms, these people, these awkward interactions and all the little things that occupy my mind right now will become memories. Perhaps I won't even care about any of them anymore. So why does it still affect me so much?

I joined this school in Class 11 and my experience has never really been what I hoped it would be. I have always found it difficult to talk to people due to social anxiety even when I genuinely want to. I want to participate in conversations, laugh with others, share things about myself and experience the kind of friendship that seems to come so naturally to everyone else. But wanting something and being able to do it are two very different things for me.

After struggling for a long time, I eventually became friends with two girls, whom I will call J and S. Initially, I thought J and I were quite similar and I hoped we might understand each other. But J and S gradually became much closer to each other and I often found myself sitting beside them without really feeling like a part of their friendship. S would sometimes make jokes or mocking comments when I tried to speak which made it even harder for me to participate naturally. I still sit with them but being physically present doesn't necessarily mean I feel included.

There are also other students who make fun of me sometimes. I know their jokes aren't necessarily serious and I can handle them cause i m used to those jokes now. I am not saying that every joke is some terrible incident or that I cannot tolerate a little teasing. The problem is not any single joke or any one particular person. It is the exhaustion that comes from repeatedly being in an environment where I never feel completely comfortable being myself. I often feel left out and out of the box and just i feel i am so different from those and i got into a wrong place.

Over time I have stopped looking forward to school altogether. I don't feel excited about seeing my classmates, sitting with them or being part of whatever happens during the day. I go there because I have to attend school and complete at least some of my attendance. I spend those six hours waiting for the day to end so I can return home where I feel much happier and more at peace. Academically, I prefer studying at home because I understand things better through online resources than through my school teachers. I can score well in my school exams by studying at home so school no longer feels like a place where I gain much academically or socially.

And here comes the most important part of my story..............

And somewhere along the way, I started looking for opportunities to be alone.

For about a month, our last class of the day has been Chemistry. We usually study on the ground floor, but this particular class takes place on the top floor. When the last bell rings everyone has to leave the classroom and go upstairs. And for me that ordinary change of classrooms has become an opportunity I secretly look forward to.

For once there is a chance that I might get to stay behind.

I tell J and S that I am going to the infirmary. Once they leave for Chemistry and the entire classroom becomes empty I don't go to the infirmary. Instead, I wander around the school corridors, walk around the washrooms and eventually return to my classroom. I sit there alone.

I have done this three or four times now.

And I cannot properly explain the strange mixture of emotions I experience while doing it.

There is relief, obviously. Relief that I don't have to walk upstairs with everyone else. Relief that I don't have to sit among people whose presence has started to exhaust me. Relief that for a little while, nobody is watching me, nobody is making comments and I don't have to pretend to be someone else. I don't have to make an effort to fit into a conversation. I don't have to pretend that I am comfortable when I am not. I don't have to sit beside people and feel alone despite being surrounded by them.

I can simply exist without being conscious of anyone.

For those few moments the empty classroom feels like a kind of escape. I can sit wherever I want, remain silent for as long as I want and do absolutely nothing without feeling that I am missing out on something everyone else is experiencing. .

I am not required to be a part of anything.

And perhaps that is what makes the silence so comforting.

But even that comfort comes with its own discomfort. Sometimes I become afraid that a teacher might notice me sitting alone through the CCTV cameras and question me about why I am not attending class. I know I am taking a risk by staying behind without permission. I gather the courage to remain there anyway because the thought of spending that time among the crowd feels more exhausting than sitting alone in an empty classroom.

Think about how strange that sounds.

There are students who bunk classes because they want to have fun with their friends. They want to wander around together, laugh, gossip or do something exciting instead of attending a boring lecture. But I am doing almost the opposite. I am not trying to make a boring school day more entertaining. I am trying to make it more bearable.

I am not looking for company outside the classroom. I am looking for an escape from company.

And the strangest part is that I don't even have anyone to share this little escape with like most people do.

Sometimes I wonder why there isn't even one person in my class who thinks the way I do. Nobody seems to understand anything in our Chemistry classes because the teacher explains things so poorly yet everyone continues attending them. I keep imagining how nice it would be if there were just one person who felt the same way I did. Someone who would say, "We don't understand anything in this class anyway. Let's skip it together and solve some PYQs instead."

It sounds like such a small thing. Just one person who shares the same thought. Someone with whom I could turn an otherwise wasted hour into something useful. Someone who would understand my reasoning without making me feel as though I were the only person who saw things differently.

We could sit together, solve questions, complain about the terrible teaching, and make productive use of the time. We wouldn't necessarily have to do anything extraordinary. I think I would simply enjoy having someone beside me who understood why I wanted to do it.

But nobody seems interested in doing that.

And so I do it alone.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder whether I am genuinely different from everyone else or whether I have simply become so disconnected from the people around me that I can no longer imagine finding common ground with them. I see everyone going upstairs together and I go in the opposite direction. They have their conversations, their friendships, their reasons for being where they areand I have my own little plan for spending the next hour alone.

The thing is, I don't necessarily want to be alone all the time. I want to have someone with whom I can share these thoughts or someone has similar thoughts

But because I cannot find that person I have learned to do things by myself.

And then I look at myself and wonder why I am doing everything alone in the first place.

Recently, the school introduced an additional compulsory class after Chemistry. Earlier I only had to spend about an hour alone if I decided to stay behind. Now I would have to spend an hour and forty-five minutes there. Today was the first time I stayed alone for that long.

When the Chemistry class ended and the additional class began the driver of the van that picks up the younger children travelling along my route had already arrived. I ended up leaving school with them even though our classes had not officially ended.

And somehow that decision made me feel even more uncomfortable with myself.

I know there could be consequences if I am caught, and I don't want to pretend that the decision was entirely sensible. But I think what bothers me most is the fact that I have reached a point where I am so desperate to get away from school that I am willing to take such risks just to avoid staying there a little longer.

It is not as though something terrible happens to me every single day. I am not claiming that my classmates are constantly bullying me or that I am unable to handle their behaviour. If someone looked at my school life from the outside they might not even understand why I feel this way. They might see me sitting with J and S, attending classes, and going about my day, and assume that everything is fairly normal. But they wouldn't be able to see so much going inside me.

and how it feels like to be there.

.I am tired in a way that is difficult to explain because there is no single event I can point to and say, "This is what made me feel this way." It is a collection of experiences, little disappointments, uncomfortable moments and feelings that have gradually accumulated. Each individual thing might seem insignificant but together they have changed the way I experience school.

I don't feel like making an effort anymore. I don't feel like trying to become a part of conversations that I already struggle to enter. I don't feel like facing the same people and repeating the same routine every day. I just want to get through the remaining days without having to think so much about any of it.

And yet I still think about it.

That is what confuses me the most.

I can enjoy my own company. I can spend time alone without needing someone to entertain me. I can study by myself and find peace in the absence of noise. But that doesn't mean I never wish things were different. It doesn't mean I never imagine how much easier certain moments would feel if I had one person beside me who understood me without requiring me to explain everything.

Maybe that is what I have been looking for all along.

Now, with only about a month left before my school life ends, I keep wondering whether any of this deserves so much of my attention. Maybe, a few months from now, these people won't matter to me at all. Maybe the things that seem significant today will eventually become insignificant memories. I might move on, meet different people, enter a completely different environment, and never think about these classrooms again.

But I am still here right now.

I still have to walk into that classroom. I still have to spend those hours among people I don't feel connected to. I still have to manage the exhaustion, the loneliness and the strange feeling of being different from everyone around me. Knowing that it will eventually end doesn't make the remaining days disappear.

At the same time I don't want to spend the last month of school trying to fix everything. I don't want to force friendships, force conversations or convince myself that I must make these final days memorable. I don't want to turn every uncomfortable experience into a problem that needs to be solved.

I don't know whether this is a problem, a phase, or simply a story that I will remember differently in the future.

I only know that for now sometimes the place where I feel the least lonely is an empty classroom after everyone else has left.

I was carrying so much for so long so i just wanted to share my feelings.........

i’m sure i have the exact same situation as most people on this sub, but there’s this constant loop of being chronically alone and then attempting to fix it by starting a romantic relationship. i just got out of a 4 year long relationship where i cut off a lot of my close friends and sunk into myself, and the realization that i have the rest of my adult life ahead of me seems bleak and discouraging.

i don’t go out much aside from studying for my career specialty, going to the gym, and going to work. there are few interests i possess that enable me to engage with people my age (reading, embroidery, my career) and even my social interests (NBA, gaming, politics) are more enjoyable by myself. it’s especially discouraging being the youngest nurse on the floor while being surrounded by people twice my age that can’t relate to me. being picky about the company i keep doesn’t help my dwindling social circle either.

all this to say i feel stuck. i want to find people my age to engage with in a meaningful and platonic way. it’s especially disheartening to hear about my roommates vast social opportunities and not be invited to any events. i don’t really know how to find new friends nor make them last.

if you’re a socially awkward 20-something in the minneapolis area, say hi :)