Today has been one of the worst days of my life. At about 4pm, my wife walked into the Kitchen, where I had just unpacked the shopping, and handed me a cigarette, telling me the news she was going to give me would upset me.

She's done this before usually when a bill goes out or benefits have been troublesome, but this time she told me that she was going to end our near 20 year marriage.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. When she tried to talk, telling me she wanted this to be ‘acrimonious,’ I walked our, got in the car, and started driving. I didn't even know where I was going, I just needed to get away.

Eventually I stopped by Sefton Park and called my mum. She was stunned. I started crying, wondering what it was that I had done that was so wrong.

Since around 2020, I've been my wife's full time carer. She originally bowed out of work with Mental Health issues, then developed ME/CFS, which robbed her of energy and required her to use a wheelchair.

I have had to take on the responsibilities for cooking, cleaning, maintenance and looking after her needs. According to her, I've not been doing it well enough.

I tried my best. I would clean the house as best I knew how, but it wasn't good enough.

If I showed any form of frustration or irritation, I wad accused of being abusive in my emotional response. If I dared to disagree, I was accused of gaslighting.

She once asked me to go to counselling, and I disagreed that we needed it, and felt we could work through our issues together.

When I got back from driving aimlessly around Liverpool for an hour, she told me that

She felt I was emotionally bad for her

That she didn't see any future where we were aligned

That her care needs were not being met.

And that the state of the house wasn't good enough.

I asked if we could try counselling now. She said no.

I tried my best.

I really did.

Please keep responses respectful. I'm asking from a sincere position as someone newly in the ace/demi community. TIA

my bf broke up with me yesterday and said it was for mental health reasons. i know his mental health has been awful as of lately and he said he needed to focus on himself, which i completely understand. he said that was the only reason he was breaking up with me, but when i asked if we could just go on a break until he got better, he told me no. he said that after he gets better he might consider trying things again and said he still wanted to be friends with me (i told him i couldn't handle being friends right now and he respected that) but i have a feeling he's not coming back. when i asked if we could try again later he said he didn't know at the current moment. it just sucks so bad because before all of this, things were perfect. i was talking to his friend today bc i didn't end up going to school, and he told me that my ex bf was acting completely normal today and that made me feel 10x worse. it sucks knowing that the thing i've been crying about all day didn't seem to bother him one bit. his friend also said that he looked pretty upset before breaking up with me and seemed better now so fml. the worst thing is, i brought this up with my ex weeks ago bc i noticed him acting weird, but he said everything was fine between us so it hurts knowing he lied. i know i should just move on, but i genuinely don't know how and its killing me. i keep checking my phone even though i know i'm not gonna see any texts or messages from him. i constantly feel nauseous and i'd do anything to stop feeling miserable. obv the break up is still pretty fresh, but i'm scared i'm not gonna get over it. i just need advice.

It’s been around five months since my ex and I broke up, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever hurt this much over someone.

He was my first real relationship. I was 26 when we got together, and I’m almost 30 now. I’ve never experienced heartbreak like this. He was the person I wanted to have a house and a family with. He was the person I pictured my life with, and now I’m supposed to start all over again.

And honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to start over again, I dont know if I can, the thought of another person, just feels wrong to me, especially when the person I wanted to build that life with is the one person I can’t have anymore. It takes two people, and that’s something I have no control over i know.

I still feel like, at the core, our breakup happened because of a misunderstanding over something we could have worked through. At the time, it didn’t feel that simple because there were so many emotions involved, poor communication, and other things going on between us.
I want to respect the breakup, keep my distant but at the same time I still want to fight for it, even though I wont, because I want to respect him.

However had I known then what I know now, I would have handled my part of the relationship and the breakup very differently. Whether that would ultimately have changed anything, I’ll never know, and I think that uncertainty is one of the hardest things to live with.

I’m in this strange place where I genuinely want the best for him. I want him to be happy and successful, even if that happiness is eventually with someone else. But at the same time, the thought of him building the life I imagined for us with another woman makes me feel sick.

Logically I’m trying to accept that our chapter is over, but emotionally, it still doesn’t feel finished. It feels more like there should have been a continuation. Like we stopped in the middle of the chapter and have taken a break from reading.

I’m trying to live my life. I really am. But whenever something happens, good or bad, he is still the first person I think about telling.

I can’t tell him that I’m travelling to another country by myself for the first time to celebrate my 30th birthday.

I can’t tell him that I just went to Rome with my family.

I can’t tell him that I just got the keys to my new apartment, or about my new job, or all these other things happening in my life that I feel like I should be excited about.

Those things are happening, and I know they are good things. But there’s this person who used to be the person I shared everything with, and now I have to experience all of it without him.

Even little things remind me of him. I can’t bring myself to play the multiplayer games I love because I played them with him. Making new recipes doesn’t feel quite the same because I can’t share them with him. I’m already dreading Christmas and New Year’s because they won’t be spent with him.

I’m also still sad that I couldn’t wish him a happy birthday last month or give him the gift I had picked out for him, I never got to buy for him.

And I’m sad that all the messages I sent and all the conversations I tried to have with him during and after the breakup weren’t enough for him to want to try again, even if it could have been at some point in the future.

I know I need to keep living my life, and I am trying. But there are days when everything feels heavier because the person I expected to share my life with is no longer part of it.

I could probably write so much more, but otherwise this is just going to turn into a novel.

So I guess all I can really say is:

I’m just really, really sad.

It’s easier. I can’t lie.

And still I MISS YOU!

I hate seeing new places and having new experiences and searching for you.

I avoid doing anything or visiting anywhere we’ve been to together - unlike you. Or so it seems.

I loved our travel adventures and now I wonder if I made up everything I experienced with you. Could that be true? Ugh!!

Adios.

I love you.

TL;DR: My fiancé (44M) and I (36F) have been together for three years and are madly in love. I accidentally discovered a file listing 64 women he was with between 2000 and 2020. Given that I spent 13 years with one partner before him, I'm worried our different histories might mean different views on commitment. Should I discuss this with him before marriage or leave it alone?

My fiancé and I have been together for three years, and we have a wonderful relationship. We are madly in love and have built a life together that I genuinely want to last forever.

Before we started dating, I always told him I didn't want to know how many women he'd been with because I knew it wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. However, I recently stumbled across a computer file that listed his sexual partners from 2000 to 2020. The total was 64, and he stopped updating the file in 2020. We began dating in 2023.

For context, I was married for 11 years and was with my former partner altogether13 years. Most of my adult life was spent with one partner. My fiancé and I have very different relationship histories, and seeing that number has brought up some insecurities I wasn't expecting.

I'm not judging him for his past, and I recognize that he was single for much of that time. What worries me is the pattern of moving from one woman to the next. I've been badly hurt before, and I sometimes worry that eventually I won't be enough for him or that he'll want something different.

I know that the number of partners someone has had doesn't automatically determine whether they're capable of commitment. At the same time, we're planning to get married, and I want to make sure we're entering marriage with a clear understanding of each other's expectations, values, and needs.

I also recognize that I specifically told him I didn't want to know his number, so I'm unsure whether bringing this up now would accomplish anything or simply create unnecessary tension.

My questions:

1. Should I have a conversation with him about this before we get married, or honor my original decision not to know?

2. Is his history something worth exploring in terms of commitment and relationship patterns, or am I overthinking it?

3. How do I distinguish a legitimate concern about compatibility from insecurity caused by my experiences?

4. If I do talk to him, what questions should I ask to understand his views on lifelong commitment without getting caught up in the details of his sexual history?

I love this man and want to give our marriage the best possible foundation. I'm not looking for reasons to doubt him; I just want to feel confident that we're on the same page before making a lifelong commitment.

Would you have this conversation before marriage, or would you leave it alone?

The following text has been translated into English using AI. However, the original German version was written entirely without AI:

Hey fellow Redditor,

Welcome to the millionth heartbreak post on this platform. I completely understand if you scroll past, as I know how repetitive these can feel. But maybe you're willing to give me a chance and read what I have to say. I am genuinely desperate and looking for help (though I'm sure every author of these posts claims the exact same thing). This might get a bit long, but I'll do my best to keep it concise so I don't waste your time. Here is a quick summary of the situation:

- I (30M) was in a relationship with a woman (28F) for a little over two years.

- I’ll spare you the details of how "amazing and unique" our connection was, since almost everyone says that about their past relationships. But in my experience, it was exceptionally intense, and I loved her with all my heart.

- I have a medical condition that worsened over the course of the relationship and eventually required surgery, leaving me with a stoma. The procedure knocked me out of commission for a long time. I lost most of my athletic fitness and spiraled into depression. I lost my drive, wasn't myself anymore, failed to seek help, and eventually just gave up on myself.

At first, my girlfriend tried to encourage me, but over time she began to pull away (which I can't blame her for).

- She ended the relationship a little over a year ago.

The breakup pulled the rug out from under my feet, but since then, I’ve worked on myself and tried everything in my power to get back up:

- I went through psychotherapy, and after a few weeks, my therapist considered me recovered.

- I made a career shift (I don't make a ton of money, but I'm much happier with my work life; I work two jobs, one of which I truly enjoy).

- I threw myself back into my athletic passion. I'm now running over 100 km (~60 miles) a week and am actually in better shape than I was before the surgery.

- I have a solid relationship with my family and a broad social circle of great people who genuinely care about me.

- I've been on a few dates, and there are women who are interested in me.

- I've traveled and met new people.

- I’ve read countless articles, books, and personal accounts about heartbreak to find coping mechanisms.

- I didn't demean myself by chasing after her; I respected her decision. The breakup was clean and respectful. She didn't make things unnecessarily hard on me, and there was no bad blood from either side. We haven't had any contact since (aside from a happy birthday message for my 30th).

I have put so much effort into rebuilding a quality life, but nothing seems to help. Despite everything looking fairly good on paper, my reality feels entirely different:

- I still think about her multiple times a day.

- Whenever I see someone who looks like her, or when I'm anywhere near her apartment (which is unavoidable since we live in the same city), my heart races and I feel sick to my stomach.

- I am overwhelmed by deep sadness on a regular basis, and the pain hasn't faded at all after a year. It just isn't getting better, and several times a day I'm hit with a crushing, suffocating grief.

- I can't bear this pain much longer, and I don't know what else to do. I’ve been through rough patches in my life before, but this past year has been the darkest period I have ever experienced. I simply cannot go on living with this kind of constant ache.

- I don't want to give up, and I don't want things to end this way, which is why I'm desperately reaching out for help. Every single day feels like an uphill battle, and I constantly feel like I blew my one shot at genuine happiness.

Please, if you have any advice or perspective on what I can do to make it hurt less (just enough so I can bear it), let me know. I don't expect to be magically healed overnight, but I need something to hold onto so I don't have to suffer like this every day. Any input would mean a lot to me.

My ex (23F) broke up with me (25 M) 3 weeks ago and I thought I was doing better until today. I was on vacation all of last week with my family so that took away a lot of my thoughts from her but now that I returned home it’s relapsed to being as awful as the first week. it’s clear that I have to keep myself busy but you can only do that so long. everything I do can’t help but think about her. When they say a breakup is a rollercoaster ride they weren’t kidding. Some days are better than the rest but today has just been horrible and there was nothing I could do to get her off my mind. It’s just still devastating and shocking to me how well I thought our relationship was going and then one day she woke up and decided to end things breaking my heart into pieces. She constantly texted me throughout the day and told me how much she loved me (which she even said during the breakup) but yet still decided to give up on our relationship so easy without communicating any of her concerns or griefs with me. It completely sucks because I would have fixed anything she wanted me to but she didn’t even give me a chance. Idk how i will love again. Does anybody feel the same?

long story
I’m struggling a lot with my breakup and could really use some advice from people who have been through something similar.
My ex and I were together for 7 years in a long-distance relationship. He lives in the US, and I’m from Italy. He was not just my boyfriend, but also my best friend. He knew everything about me, and he was the one person I could tell absolutely anything to. Losing him has felt like losing a part of my life and the person who knew me best.
Towards the end of our relationship, things started changing. We used to talk a lot, especially on weekends, but gradually he started calling me less. I felt like I was no longer a priority in his life. I was always the one planning our trips, making sacrifices, and trying to keep the relationship alive.
One Christmas and New Year’s, I travelled to New York to spend 10 days with him. He didn’t take any time off work to be with me, so I spent most of those days alone. I had sacrificed my own income to make that trip happen, and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t make a similar effort.
We eventually broke up in October 2024. I was the one who made the final decision because I felt like I was fighting for us while he wasn’t fighting alongside me. We had a brief breakup earlier that year, but we got back together after three days because we missed each other. Things improved for a while, but eventually, we fell into the same pattern again.
Before our final breakup, he suggested taking a break. Things became confusing because he started treating me well again, and I didn’t know where I stood. Eventually, I felt I had to end things myself.
After the breakup, we went no contact for a year. When we spoke again in November 2025, he told me that in a relationship he had started just five months after our breakup, he realised he was looking for me in another person and that it was difficult to find someone like me. That stayed with me. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but he didn’t want to make do any more sacrifices, especially because I love travelling and exploring the world. He also told me that he had seen in my videos that I had my sparkle back, and he was happy for me.
I told him that if he worked on himself and went to therapy, maybe one day we could try again. But he needed to take time to focus on himself because he has a pattern of jumping from one relationship to another. (When we started dating, he had been single for only a month.)
However, after just a month and a half of therapy, he started dating again in March 2026. He started lying to me, and I only found out in April. His new girlfriend messaged me saying that I couldn’t be friends with him because of our history. However, we had become just friends, and she had seen all our conversations. There was NOTHING suspicious in them.
She made him delete all our photos from social media, and she wanted me to do the same. When I told her no, she said we should move on and stop being friends. I felt like she was blackmailing me, as if I couldn’t remain friends with him unless I deleted the photos.
I believe they are now living together. I know he may genuinely love her, but I can’t help wondering whether he has found someone who gives him the same love, kindness, and attention I did, without him having to make all the difficult decisions and sacrifices that being with me would have required.
I know I can’t read his mind, and I realise this might just be my way of trying to make sense of everything.
What hurts is that he seems able to move on and open his heart to someone else, while I still struggle to even imagine doing the same. I haven’t been able to open my heart to another man. I miss him, but I also miss having my best friend and the person I shared everything with.
Maybe I miss his friendship more than anything else?
Another thing I struggle with is that our relationship ended over a video call. We never had a proper, in-person goodbye. Part of me feels like our story never had a real ending, and I sometimes think about flying to the US to see him one last time.
I imagine that meeting him face to face might help me find closure. But I have to be honest: a small part of me thinks that maybe our love could flourish again.
At the same time, I keep thinking that even if he still loved me, he might not have the courage to fight for our relationship and make the changes needed to build a future together.
So I have a few questions:
Has anyone met their ex in person after a long-distance breakup and genuinely found closure? Did it help, or did it make things harder?
Is it a bad idea to meet an ex when you know part of you still hopes they might come back?
How do you accept that someone who once told you they were looking for you in other people has now built a life with someone else?
How do you move forward when you haven’t stopped loving someone, but you know you couldn’t keep living the way you were in that relationship?
I’m not looking for reassurance that he’ll come back. I genuinely want to know how to move forward because I feel stuck between missing the person I loved and knowing that I deserved more effort than I was receiving.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and share their experience.

Hey everyone, I need a place to vent and get some outside perspective on a situation that has completely turned my life upside down over the last few months. It is a very long post so I apologize in advance.

Here are the people involved.

Me (29 M)

A (21 TF) My best friend

L (24 TM) A's partner and my crush

I need to point out that A and L are polyamorous. Also, so L can stay in this country A and L got married in March of this year as well, but they maintained their poly arrangement.

​To give context, I was part of a close group dynamic with two people: A, who was my absolute best friend, and L, who is A’s partner. I met A at work and we developed a strong friendship pretty quickly.

Basically because she didn't have a place to live for the next month from when we met I offered one of the spare rooms in the apartment where I was living so she can move in temporarily while she looked for a place (this was literally in our first conversation) and she accepted. (I know it could have gone pretty bad for both of us because we didn't know each other at all but im glad it turned out fine) From that point onwards we got close pretty quickly and eventually she moved out like 3 monthts after she moved in, somewhere in August of last year. In December of last year, L who was the long distance relationship of A, moved to the city and they started living together. Because A and me were so close, I was also there the day that L arrived at the city and I met him there.

Moving on to July of this year, my landlord decided to end the contract for internet.(Because of my contract, I couldn't just go and get another provider without the approval from my landlord which he never gave me when I asked)

I needed internet to work and play videogames. So I started going to A and L's place almost daily. Over time, I developed strong romantic feelings for L. It grew naturally because whenever I went over, we spent hours talking. The conversations and jokes moved seamlessly and I felt like we were bonding pretty quickly. If I'm honest it kinda felt like I already knew him from all my life because we always had stuff to talk about and we both got enthusiastic for listening to the other person talk about our interests and future hopes.

Before anything started I had a talk with A telling her that I like L but if she is not comfortable with that or has any objections I will stop it immediately and it will never be spoken again. She assured me that she was actually happy about thst and that I had her full support and that it would be amazing because the three of us will spend a lot more time together.

Then, with A's help, I did in fact tell L that I liked him and wanted to take him out on a date to see where things head out, this was around mid August, At this time he had a medical condition with his wisdom tooth that hurt a lot and constantly so he basically said that he would rather have that fixed before he would give me an answer, it was not a yes nor a no, it was a rain check for later. But from that point on I did start treating him like someone I liked by bringing him gifts and spending even more time talking with him and trying to learn about him so I knew the things he liked. I will admit that from this point on and while our connection grew stronger every day I started acting like I had the yes on the date already guaranteed and it was just a matter of time before we go out.

Time moved on with that renewed dynamic for a while and to be honest things seemed to be going somewhat fine. I had a couple of issues with this dynamic because it was new to me and also because I have some traumas from my past but we agreed that we will always keep a proper communication between the 3 of us so any and all issues we have will be solved promptly before they grew larger.

Then it came the third week of september. The dentist L went to was really bad and even though he was in pain they wanted to do the extraction until November. On the same day, L and I had an argument for something else as well. So in my mind I came to 3 conclusions that day

1) I cared enough about L to want him to not be in pain any longer

2) I wanted to apologize for the argument that we had and

3) I didn't want to wait until November for an answer.

So I checked with all my contacts and found a dentist a hundred times better than the previous one, and as a surprise I scheduled an appointment with him for the next day for L. I didn't tell L about the plan to schedule it because I surprised him with that in that same afternoon. In long story short there, they checked him out, on the next day, and realized the problem and scheduled an extraction for the next week. So that day was only the check up and nothing more.

After the appointment, A went to work and I stayed with L all the afternoon and part of the night. Lets say from 14:00 until 22:00. It was amazing, we talked a lot, we watched videos, we ordered pizza. The conversation never stalled. To be honest it was amazing. And when I left I even sent him a text saying that it was an amazing afternoon and 8 hours felt like 5 minutes and he agreed that it was amazing hanging out with me and that time flew by us pretty quickly.

After that going into the weekend I felt the shift in energy pretty quickly because neither A or L texted me or invited me to hang out with them over the weekend at their house like they usually do and when I texted I got a 1 or 2 words answer back from them, if they answered at all. So i decided on Monday I would take the same route to work as A and try to talk to her.

Things completely exploded after that conversation with A. Out of nowhere, A made an implication that my presence or actions could somehow pose a physical threat or danger to L. This hit me immensely hard—not only because it was completely untrue and uncharacteristic of who I am (and she knew it by the way in which we met), but because it directly triggered deep past trauma I carry regarding what has happened to me and how I am perceived and treated by people I care about.

​The fallout was swift and devastating:

​L completely blocked me on everything following that conversation, cutting off communication without giving me a real chance to talk through things directly with him or even explain exactly where I went wrong or argue with me (like he did before) to show me where i was going wrong and work from there.

​A and my friendship became deeply strained which deeply hurts me given how close we were.

​Eventually, A and I had a very long meeting to try to address the fractures and see if our friendship could be salvaged. She admitted that she didn't realize that she actually implied that I would ever be a danger to L and that she truly believes that I am not that kind of person and that she was sorry for even unknowingly suggesting that I could be any danger to L in any context at all.

From what I could gather from conversations with A apparently some of my mistakes are

1) Surprising L with the dentist appointment: They felt it crossed a boundary and was a betrayal of trust, even though they acknowledged it ultimately helped L get care that he desperately needed. L felt like I was doing that just to try to hurry up his decision (which I will admit it was in part that) instead of me coming from a place of deep care for his wellbeing (which was mostly that)

2) Staying 8 hours that afternoon: Apparently L wanted me to leave earlier but never expressed it to me—directly or indirectly. Had he said anything, I would have respected his boundaries immediately and left. (It would have hurt but I would have left anyway)

3) Offering to accompany them to his extraction procedure: I offered to join A in supporting L during his procedure because I cared about him, but it was seen as overstepping.

4) A was angry that because I hanged out with L all that afternoon she could not talk with him and blamed me for it.

​The situation has left me in a really dark and painful place. I’ve had to grieve the abrupt loss of L from my life while simultaneously dealing with the deep rupture in my friendship with A. Even when trying to repair things with A, the ghost of what happened with L and the unfair way I was characterized hangs over everything. I constantly struggle with a desire for closure, lingering feelings for L, and the painful realization that the deep trust we all shared might be gone forever.

​I’m trying my best to set healthy boundaries, protect my own peace, and process this grief, but some days it feels overwhelming.

How do I manage a strained friendship with my best friend when the ghost of this fallout is still so fresh?

Is it healthier to step back entirely, or are there ways to navigate this distance while processing the loss of L?

How can I process the pain of being abruptly cut off by someone I cared about while protecting my own mental health?

Any advice on letting go of the need for an explanation when communication is completely closed off?

Is it healthy of me to still keep a hope alive that I can get back?

I know I made some very massive mistakes but I have never felt so heartbroken before for any past relationships. Not sure how to move on.

TL;DR: I (M) was in a polyamorous dynamic with my best friend, "A" (TF), and her partner/husband, "L" (TM). With A's blessing, I confessed romantic feelings for L, and we had an open, cautious setup while L dealt with a painful medical condition. I tried to help L by surprising him with a dentist appointment and spending 8 hours hanging out, but it backfired. A suddenly implied I could pose a danger to L—triggering my past trauma—and L completely blocked me without communication. A, later apologized for the phrasing, but my feelings for L, the abrupt loss of contact, and the ruined trust have left me devastated.

My ex has said some variant of “if you just told me this in this way, we wouldn’t have broken up” multiple times (I broke up with her) but for some reason all I wanna do is fix it.

This made me feel like the fall out as my fault, for poor communication. Which is, based on circumstances, partially true. But I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that my ex would be as understanding as she is at this moment while the emotions were high had I used the exact words I did today. I doubt it would have landed.

Should I really believe this?

The person who I thought was my bestfriend has seemingly ended what I thought was a friendship but no one would to there friends what she did too me. She was in a bad situationship with her current ex and I’ve supported for the 5 years I’ve known her. She needed a huge loan for car repairs so I gave it to her then everytime I ask if she has anything to pay me back she gets mad and has an excuse why she doesn’t have it. A week after she left her ex she starts dating another guy without any thought of how I’d feel says she’ll never phase me out but fast forward to now she has me blocked on everything and doesn’t even talk to me at work since we work together. I feel like asking her if we were even friends or if I was just something to help her feel better.

I'm nearly 42, autistic, and a few days ago my partner of almost five years ended our relationship.
What's making this particularly difficult to process is how sudden it felt. Just two days before, we were telling each other we loved each other, making love, talking about getting married and looking at houses. She was kissing me and telling me how proud she was of me. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she told me she didn't love me anymore.
I experienced the biggest autistic meltdown I've ever had. Much of what happened afterwards is a blur. Now I'm back in Cornwall, living with my elderly parents, having left behind the home and life we'd built together in Glasgow.
I keep going over everything in my head, trying to understand what happened. I was always terrified of losing her, partly because of my anxiety and the way I overthink everything. Looking back, I wonder whether that fear contributed to the problems in our relationship. She sometimes needed space when she was upset, but I found it incredibly difficult to give her that space because I'd become consumed by thoughts that she might leave me. I now torture myself wondering whether I could have handled things differently.
But perhaps what frightens me most is what happens now. I've never had a particularly strong social circle, and relationships have been the only times I've really felt I wasn't alone. I have no partner, no close friends, no job and very little idea of what direction to take my life in.
I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life alone. I miss the affection, intimacy, companionship and ordinary everyday things that come with having someone to share your life with.
I'm struggling so badly that I've been having thoughts about not wanting to be alive. I've made plans to see my doctor, but I feel completely lost.
I'd really like to hear from other autistic people who've experienced a major relationship breakup. How did you cope with the loss, the overthinking and, particularly, the loneliness afterwards? Did things eventually get better?

From hot to cold

I know this guy for a year now, we were initially colleagues on friendly terms, with appreciation in each other's characters. He was incredibly sweet, encouraging and consistent in his behaviour, I was in a relationship at the time and he was dating someone. At some point things turned differently as he started knocking on my emotional door. He made grand statements such as that he had been waiting for me his entire life, that I fit all his criteria in a woman, that underneath his armour he's a teddy bear, that meeting me was not a random coincidence, that i am one of his safe spaces etc He continued being very sweet, caring and affectionate and told me he had feelings he was suppressing because I was not single. When things turned sexual (I initiated them) he told me he's not sure if he wants a relationship (up to this point his issue was that he couldn't meet someone who met his standards) and that in the past he had been with girls who were in a relationships and they would demand things from him while he would explicitly say it was only sexual (I cheated on my boyfriend, yes. It was wrong yes, he had cheated on me before and our relationship was not healthy, we later broke up and told him the truth). I said I'm ok with anything and he doesn't have to feel pressured. He continued being intimate with me to the point he would tremble when he would hug me intensely. Then, within one week his behaviour changed, he became gradually distant though he was still accepting affection from me but would not initiate it anymore (eg he let me caress his face for 40'). At some point he said this is an adventure that will end, that he cares about no one but himself and that in the past he had called me "my love" because I'm sweet (while he had previously said it was accidental from his unconscious). I tried to arrange a meeting with him but he wanted to talk it through messages and said i may be creating a drama and that he doesn't let anyone interfere with his independence and peace of mind. For the next ten days or so we would hardly speak at work, yet he would message me afterwards to check on me, wish me a nice shift or tell me about his day. We stopped spending time together at work but would continue chatting, he was always friendly and polite, though never emotional as before. After two - three weeks he told me he will go on a date with a girl and I asked him if he would like us to meet up again like before (even if sex is not involved), now that I'm single and just do whatever. He said of course and was thinking of suggesting something, and that he just wanted to give me space after the break up. We sexted and agreed on continuing with this dynamic let's say. When i suggested a day he said yes and that he will message me, in the end he didn't and told me he completely forgot about it. I told him I'm disappointed and he doesn't make an effort like before (we would spend the entire night out talking in the past) and he says he doesn't want me to have expectations or ideas about anything because he doesn't like to be accountable and give explanations and that he doesn't know and that in the past it was easier for him to find time or reasons to see me. I stated again I've never asked him for a relationship and I've always respected his time and autonomy but it's not logical to go from extremely vulnerable on his own will to distanced just like that without explanation and he said it's not logical indeed and he didn't act logically with me even though it was sincere, cause nothing would have happened if he had acted logically.

The timeline is a period of three months with the warm period lasting approx 1,5 months.

Sometimes he initiates online conversations, sometimes i do, he always asks how i am and says i can tell him anything i want.

I don't know what I'm dealing with. A massive manipulator, a man who is unwilling to be held accountable for his words, a person who feared his emotional exposure and pushed me back? Any help appreciated, thank you guys

We met for the first time in person he just got out of a relationship and was persistent in meeting me saying he wanted to makeup and see where things went. He seemed like he really wanted this. Anyway, we hooked up, he kept saying how gorgeous I am and seemed really attracted to me, kept saying I’m so beautiful ect. During it he wouldn’t take his shirt off during it and got defensive when I asked. He sort of gave insecure vibes but I don’t know. He abruptly stopped when I asked about his shirt, and said he wanted to see me again but not sex in general with anyone, didn’t know what was going on with him, his first real hookup since ex gf, and everything felt wrong and too rushed and wanted to be alone and listen to music and asked me to leave. He was watching all of my stories (pretty, lifestyle, horseback riding, ect) and suddenly just unfollowed me. When I asked if everything was okay he sent this:

Thank you, im okay, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I think I just need to take a step back and work on myself for a bit. Im sorry it took so long to say but I think rn in my life we shouldn’t meet up anymore. When im ready ill text you but i don’t know when that will bet

Recently, I went to the movies with a female coworker. It was just the two of us, and I'd already had feelings for her for quite some time. But I'm a pretty shy guy, so I'd never found the courage to tell her how I felt.

During the movie, I noticed that she kept making little movements as if she wanted to rest her head on my shoulder. At one point, I finally worked up the courage to hold out my hand, palm up, towards her, without saying anything, just to see if she would take it.

She looked at my hand and took it.

We spent almost the entire movie holding hands. But it wasn't just holding hands. We were gently stroking each other's hands and fingers throughout the film. To me, that moment was incredibly special. I remember genuinely wishing that time would just stop, because all I wanted was to stay there, holding her hand. Nothing else happened that day.

A few days later, I finally gathered the courage to tell her how I felt in person. I told her how much I liked her and how special that night at the movies had been to me. She told me that I still needed to mature and that we were at different stages in life. Even though I was hurt, there was one question I really needed to ask her: had she felt anything while we were holding hands?

Her answer was no. She said she hadn't felt anything beyond affection. So I asked if she would have done the same thing with any other male friend. She said yes, because she's naturally an affectionate person and would hold hands with any friend.

I won't lie, that answer crushed me.

All that time, I'd been holding on to that memory as something romantic, as if we'd shared a special connection. Finding out that it hadn't meant the same thing to her was incredibly painful. Now I can't help wondering if I completely misread the situation.

In your opinion, is holding hands and gently caressing each other's fingers during a movie something normal between friends? Should she have considered that it might create romantic feelings, or was I simply naive for believing that moment meant something more?

after a couple years long relationship, i was heartbroken when i got broke up out of nowhere, but also i was kinda fine because at least it was over torturing each other. and in my fashion ofc i tried to get into a rebound relationship, i was on a trip for fun, so i didn’t think that it would last anyway. more like looking for a distraction than an actual relationship. Met this guy, he was awkward at first but we then kicked it off. i’m not sure if there was love bombing or what but honestly it just really hit off well, and he was saying ily really soon and though i wasn’t feeling it in the beginning, i did at the end and also now. we ended up getting into a LDR, it was fine at first and i was finally happy, it’s like seeing the end of a tunnel after years. i was getting love notes and cute messages everyday but slowly it wore off… and then just, ghosted. i did get to meet him one last time where he asked me if i wanted to get back together, but my ego sad i wanted closure instead… i asked him why, he said he just couldn’t give me what i war (cause we were fighting about the time difference and communication) and now i’m blocked everywhere. I didn’t even grieve for my years relationship that long and yet this one, it’s like i’ve lost the lost of my life. there’s so many more details i can tell and remember and say, but i want to stay anonymous but all i can say is, i’m just looking for the shadow of him in everyone i date, and i’m thinking of moving to where he lives just to give it a shot. how can someone so perfect and so loving just leave.

Me (25F) and my ex (28M) broke up a couple months ago. Things ended a little messily I found out he lied about something which hurt at the time but it’s something I came to terms with and forgave him for. When I found out he lied we spoke he asked me to forgive him and that he wanted to be selfish and wants us to stay together and work on things. I told him I needed time. I took a few days to reflect and texted him I forgave him but I didn’t know how I felt in terms of us. He then messaged me “ thank you and that’s fine. I think it’s better to end it here honestly. I think it’s better for me to be alone right now and just think about what I really want” I just like the message and we’ve been no contact since.

I feel like this time apart has been good for me as it gave me a chance to reflect on my actions, his actions and has made me learn to love myself again and prioritise myself. But the truth is I do miss him. I recently found out that he was talking about me to someone saying how great I was and how much he missed me and that he f*cked it up. (The person he told was someone he didn’t know I knew so I don’t think he realised it would get back to me) The person asked him why he doesn’t he reach out to me and rekindle things to which he replied his pride won’t let him, he’s pessimistic about things and he hopes eventually he’ll be able to move on with more time.

I really want to talk to him and see how he is. I miss him so much but I don’t know if I should reach out. And I don’t know how he’d react if I did considering what his last message to me was (and he doesn’t know I know what he said)

It’s been seven months since my ex and I stopped talking, and I genuinely don’t know how to move forward anymore.
We were in the same law school, doing our BA LLB. Before everything fell apart, he wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, my safe place, and the person I shared my entire day with. We would text constantly, call each other, tell each other little things, and make plans for our future. He used to ask whether I’d eaten, bring me food when I was unwell, get me things I needed, and do little things that made me feel cared for. He even saved money for months for my birthday.
I remember sitting behind him on his scooter, holding him around the waist, talking about random things. I remember the smell of his hoodie and his hair, the warmth of his back, and how safe I felt. I miss things as small as holding his hand during a movie. Recently, I went to watch a movie with a friend and instinctively wanted to hold their hand the way I used to hold his. It hit me that I can’t do that with him anymore.
I never imagined these ordinary moments would become memories I’d ache for this much.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect. There were trust issues, misunderstandings, jealousy, and problems involving other girls. He eventually pulled away and ended things. I also have to acknowledge my own behaviour. I could be harsh, yell, say hurtful things, and react impulsively when I was upset. I regret a lot of it.
After the breakup, I couldn’t accept the separation. I kept trying to contact him, including from different numbers, and I went near his house trying to speak to him. He explicitly told me to stop contacting him and coming near his home, and warned me that he would involve the police if I continued. I understand that I crossed his boundaries. I am ashamed of some of the things I did, and I know that being hurt doesn’t justify them. I have stopped treating his response as something I can force, and I need to respect his decision not to have contact.
But emotionally, I’m still struggling to accept it.
Seven months. He hasn’t reached out even once. He’s dating someone else, and I recently found out he’s attending classes again. There was a time when he would say he didn’t want to attend class if I wasn’t there. Now he’s continuing with his life, while I can barely get myself back into mine.
I’m struggling with law school. I used to have around 90% attendance, but after everything that happened, I fell behind badly. I joined late, have attendance eligibility problems, library-hour requirements, and around 115 assignments still to complete. I may not even be able to sit for my upcoming internal assessment. I don’t have a proper friend group anymore, and I feel disconnected from my classmates and the life I used to have.
I know my academic situation is my responsibility, and I want to fix it. But I feel paralysed when I look at everything together.
What hurts most is that I don’t just miss having a boyfriend. I miss being his girl. I miss being part of someone’s everyday life, having someone to tell everything to, feeling wanted, having a person to reach for when life got difficult. I miss the version of myself who had things to look forward to.
Sometimes memories come back so vividly that they feel like a dream. For a moment, I can almost feel myself sitting behind him on that scooter again. Then I remember that it’s over, and the contrast between that life and my present feels unbearable.
I also know that I can’t keep waiting for him to save me. He isn’t reaching out, and I can’t make him. I don’t want to keep crossing his boundaries, and I don’t want to keep living in a cycle of regret, shame, and longing.
I want female friends. I want intellectually curious people to talk to. I want to enjoy law school again, have a routine, and feel like a person outside of this relationship. I want commitment and love someday, but I don’t want to make one person responsible for my entire sense of safety and worth again.
I keep wondering how I went from having a relationship, a routine, and a sense of direction to feeling like I have nothing. I don’t know how to find my way back to myself.

My wife left me, and I'm struggling to cope with it.

We were together for a little over 5 years and married for around 10 months. She has decided to end our marriage because I wasn't the husband she deserved. I made mistakes that hurt her, and although I've changed a lot and have been trying hard to become a better person, the damage was already done. This happened a week ago.

I still love her and wish I could save our marriage, but I want to respect her decision and give her the space she has asked for. I want to handle this separation as maturely and respectfully as I can.

Right now, the pain feels unbearable. I think about her constantly, wonder whether she'll ever give me another chance, struggle to fall asleep without thinking about her, and always dream about her. I cry many times every day, and I'm struggling to imagine a future without her. Now what I would really like to mention: she is my soulmate. I really believe she was the woman sent to me from God. She helped me through so much, always stood by me, forgave me more times than I could count, was always loving, and made life liveable. She wasn't just another girl, she was the one, and only I am to blame for her leaving me.

For those of you who have gone through something similar, especially after a long-term relationship or marriage, how long did it take before the pain started to ease? When did you stop thinking about your ex almost every waking moment? When could you finally fall asleep without thinking about them or dreaming about them?

When did you start enjoying life again and genuinely feel that you would be okay without them?

What helped you the most during the first few months?

I'm not looking for a way to get her back. I just want to understand what healing might look like and hear from people who have made it through something like this.

I know everyone's experience is different, but right now I really need some perspective. I'm struggling to see a future that doesn't include her, and I want to believe that one day life will feel meaningful again.

Thank you