TL;DR - My bf only has a few friends in the city we live in and they all missed his 30th birthday for semi-valid reasons. If i reschedule a belated get-together will that help or rub salt in the wound?

EDIT: The friends in question do usually show up for "regular" hangs like watching a hockey game or playing a round of golf. FWIW they all originally confirmed their attendance weeks ago and then apologized for not being there and offered to schedule something soon to hang out although no concrete plans were proposed by any of them.

Sorry to tangent, my neurodivergence thinks all these details are super important i guess…

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and living together for over 3. We both live in Canada but he’s from the US, I was born and raised in the city where we live and he moved her for work right after college. When he first moved, a bunch of his college friends moved as well since they all accepted work in the same field.

A few years ago, their industry got hit with a lot of layoffs due to tariffs and changes in immigration policy so nearly all of his college friends ended up moving back to the US. The lay offs affected him too but thankfully he was able to find more work eventually and since we’re common-law I’m able to help with his immigration status.

While had since made a few friends from work that were still local, it just wasn’t the same. I’ve been feeling some guilt since I know i’m mostly the reason he didn’t move back home. He stayed here for me, for us. He plays video games regularly with his friends back home and when we visit 1-2x per year we try to maximize our time with them. His feelings get hurt when he finds out that they make plans to hang out IRL and he can’t be there.

I try to encourage him to make plans with the friends he has here but he’s scared they’ll brush him off…Which is fair since just last night I organized a small gathering to celebrate his 30th birthday and **NONE of his local friends showed up** (one was sick, one had last minute travel plans; one fell asleep on his couch and missed it and another could only arrive by the time our reservation was over). So it was only us and some of my friends, none of “his” people. He was so disappointed and embarrassed and I was just devastated and furious at these grown ass men for not making a bit of an effort to show up for their friends milestone birthday like he had for theirs.

My boyfriend is a smart, kind, caring and gentle soul who was a shy kid turned introverted adult. It’s hard for him to “put himself out there” to try to initiate plans with friends because he’s so scared he’ll be rejected. It pains me because his college and home friends DO show up for him in person, they’ve had their rifts, often due to the distance or just growing pains that come with 20+ year friendships, but they SHOW UP.

Between the layoffs and his core friend group moving away, my boyfriend has definitely been battling some depression making him isolate himself even more. He’s done some therapy and while that’s helped his mental health it doesn’t solve the friend “issue”.

I want to organize a “redemption”/“re-do” party because he deserves to be celebrated, especially for such a milestone birthday, but I’m worried the damage has been done and I don’t know how to approach it with his friends in a way that they don’t feel too guilty but also i kinda want them to know how hurt he is so they don’t overlook him again…

Please share any advice!!

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together 7. Just yesterday I can recall two things my wife did that catered to not bothering me.

1. I picked up some one dollar items at a store and held them briefly, then put them back. She caught herself mid asking me why I put them back.

2. I took a couple of Tylenol because I was starting to get a headache. She caught herself mid sentence asking if I was starting to get a head ache.

For a little extra context, I do struggle with talking about nitty gritty detail things (maybe related to my ADHD/autism or it's own separate thing). My wife and I have talked about it in general, which is probably where these moments are coming from. The thing is, it does not feel very good to witness real time. It feels like she's having to keep a running list in her head of what to not do to not annoy me, which does not seem healthy at all. At the same time she was all spot on with what details I find grating to talk about.

I'm not sure what is the best way of going about it. Should I be working on coping skills to be able to talk about things most people are able to? Is her going out of her way to accommodate me our best case scenario? Has anybody else had this problem? This post might be premature because I haven't brought up yesterday and unpacked it with my wife yet. It could be a complete non issue on her end or be very expensive for her.

TL;DR I have a hard time talking about nitty gritty detail things (they are to me at least) and I can feel my wife constantly censoring herself to accommodate me. Is there a way we can address this to have a happy sustainable long term relationship for both of us?

reposted with length of relationship in title.

my gf is making me feel unwanted. she dismisses me, makes me feel like she’s irritated to be around me, and treats me passive aggressively.
when i address it, it very often gets turned back onto me.

my tone is wrong, the way i bring it up is wrong, or she finds a way to insult me for the way im trying to resolve an issue.

the thing is, im very careful with my wording, and i try to be extremely careful with my tonality even when im frustrated.

i use statements like:

“when you said this, i felt dismissed”
“when this happened, i felt like it was unfair to attack my character”

i know my tone isn’t perfect. but when i ask her to help me with specifics so that i can change it, she can’t give me any examples.

sometimes i get hollow apologies with no substance behind them, with no behavior changes.

she claims that she doesn’t mean to, that she can’t see it, etc. but i can tell a stark difference from how she used to treat me to now.

i’ve given her multiple opportunities to tell me what’s wrong but she reassures me that she wants the relationship.

she always tells me “nothing is wrong” when i check in with her.

she never comes back to repair after any disagreement we have, claiming she wants to just “let things blow over until it feels okay again”

i feel like im stuck in a dynamic where i can’t repair, i have to put up with being treated like im unwanted, and im insulted and given a moving target to fix my approach.

all while being reassured that she wants the relationship and doesn’t mean to make me feel unwanted.

i don’t know what to do. i’ve never had this issue with anyone else ive dated and im confused. is there something i can do to try to understand how to communicate better? i feel like im carrying all of the emotional labor in this relationship because of this, and feeling like im the only one trying to maintain the connection.

tl;dr: gf treats me poorly and then accuses me of having a bad tone or wording when i bring it up. we don’t repair and trying to talk to her about it is like pulling teeth. but she reassures me that she wants the relationship. i’m confused and wondering if im the problem.

I am a 26F dating a 27M for about 5 years. Initially I was definitely controlling and since he broke my heart before we started dating I was controlling and I am very possessive and idk why. This is my first relationship.
This is a LDR, with many ups and downs where during every fight I try to talk it out and he runs away (anxious avoidant), and every time I try to explain my issues to him emotionally he brings logic and wins, this turned into emotional abuse.
I got pregnant last year but we decided to abort it as we are definitely not ready. He physically abused me as well, everytime we used to fight he used to feel suffocated and pushes me and when i go near him he hits me and immediately apologise.
Anyway, the abuse went for like a year, whenever we meet or live together.
He left his job went back to his hometown and this year we finally broke up. I had a v bad year when i lost my job and had a break up in one month. He was there for me, tried contacting me. He asked money from me as well. Due to me attachment i begged him to come back.
Last year we restarted a relationship where we thought this time it will work out, but turns out he is a party person, doesn't work (he was v ambitious when i fell in love w him. stavs w his family takes loans and asks money from parents and basically not doing anything.
Everytime he wants to leave me i become someone i cant recognise. I beg him, i become so pathetic, its embarrassing mao. I am not financially dependent on him, i am working. It has gotten so worse that he abuses me emotionally and i still cant leave him knowing well i am not going to marry him, i am just pushing a break up.
I am in emotional pain because i feel trapped in my own attachment issues, I am taking abuse because i am unable to go away from him, and I still try to control his life (by asking him to party less focus on work etc.) even after abuse. I am usually a strong woman living along doing bigger things, but idk whats wrong with me i am emotionally so trapped i am in pain.
Please dont say anything like girl run, i know i should run, i am unable to. Please treat this sensibly because i am seeking help.

TDLR: my boyfriend is an abuser but I have developed deep attachment with him and unable to break up with him despite all the abuse, help.

I have known my partner for 10 years but just recently left to live with her overseas.

Our life together is great but if there is one thing I wonder about is that we do everything together. She works from home and having left my home, I don’t have any friends or family here to be just out and about by myself. We eat all meals together and her life is far more on a schedule like she doesn’t skip meals and she finds it strange that I don’t know beforehand where I want to eat. At times, I feel my life is on a timer with her and I am living her life in this new country.

Much of my single life has been go to work, watch sports, play basketball and the occasional video game. A lot of downtime , not much responsibility, but with her, there’s always something to do before we have to once again eat

At our ages, it’s now or never for a child and she says she has to be married before then. I started this new journey hoping to grow and part of me wonders if this dynamic is part of every relationship in learning how to really love and support a person or is this unhealthy? If we marry, have a child, buy a home etc. I expect all my personal time is going to be taken up

If I returned to my boring life, I could see myself getting depressed and feeling like I never grew up (it’s probably now or never if I get married too). But If I marry and start a family, I feel I have signed away my boyish freedom. Is this just life in any relationship or is my laidback self and her more regimented lifestyle a sign of incompatibility

Tl;dr: how do I find personal time in a 24/7 living together relationship?

So to start, my partner is not good with feelings. He's not good with his or other people's (he thinks it might be autism). And I understand that, but I've been having a small problem with it recently. We've been together 1 year and 7 months.

Recently, no matter what I tell him, almost everything that sounds like slight complaining (how I hate a class, I'm hungry, I'm tired, things like that), or even when I try to vent, it's all been met with an 'I'm sorry' and nothing more. It's genuinely starting to piss me off because whenever he gets upset, or anything of the sort, I try my best to comfort him, give him solutions, or even give him other things to think about. But when it comes to me I'm starting to feel like he's just using the apology as a quick way to get out of actually having to comfort me.

I've literally seen him comfort our friends better than he has me, and it's upsetting because I'm his partner, I'm the one who he said he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with, but he makes me feel like I can't come to him for things because all I'll get is an apology I don't want. Even the other day, I was bawling my eyes out about my deceased grandma and childhood dog who both died this year. He gave me a quick hug, an apology, and then he tried to show me funny videos. I would've laughed if it was maybe something stupid, like if I was crying for no reason. But it feels like he doesn't take me seriously.

I need help on how to talk to him about it. Like I mentioned earlier, he's not good with emotions, so if I try to go head first into it I might upset him a lot. I need a way to bring it up without risking something happening, please 💔 I want to try and fix this because I do love him and I really do care about him, I just can't take this anymore.

TLDR; Partner apologizes way too much, I don't feel like I'm being taken seriously. I need help talking to him without accidentally causing more problems

I met this friend last year at an event where she overheard me talk about a mutual interest and wanted to make a connection with me from there. I was at a point in time last year where I was seeking out new friend relationships and was trying to keep myself open to connections to build more community in a new town.

Over the last year we have hung out once a month or so, and I also see her in a club that I am a part of that also meets once a month.

In the last couple of months, it has become more clear to me that we are not a great personality match but I'm sure she does not see it that way. She is incredibly outgoing and could make friends with a board. She really latches onto people and is incredibly trusting, and almost immediately wants to become best friends with everyone she meets so long as they have something in common. I am more introverted and tend to be more guarded with my energy and trust. She makes connections so easily that our other friends have begun to not trust her when she says that she made a new connection we all would like, because we know she is not incredibly discerning.

Recently, there have been some things that I have noticed that she does that have really begun to bother me:

1. She is not a great active listener and always seems to be thinking about what she wants to share next

2. She interrupts me and others at events where she may come over in the middle of a conversation and start talking about whatever story she wants to share

3. She re-tells the same stories again and again, and trauma dumps on both her friends, and any new acquaintance she may meet

4. She has a tendency to over share very personal information in public forums which has been known to make others uncomfortable, and she continues to do this even when made aware of it.

5. She shares very personal information about other friends or neighbors that they have told her in confidence, because she would be comfortable sharing that information if it were about her, and assumes everyone would feel the same way.

While she has great abilities to make connections, it seems like her social awareness is just a bit off, or it seems like that to me.

I can't cut her off entirely, because we have mutual friends that we hang out with that I enjoy spending time with, and she is not inherently a bad person. She is very thoughtful and generous, but also trends towards clingy-ness and not being very discerning in general. Tips on downgrading the relationship while still being friendly?

TL;DR: Realizing a friend and I are not a personality match, she would not see it that way, wants to hang out OFTEN, can't cut her off entirely because there are too many mutual connections.

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, living a three-hour drive apart. Two or three weeks ago, everything was fine, except I was having doubts about my feelings for her due to the distance even though things went great whenever we saw each other on weekends. I’m not someone who misses people much; I don't really miss my family or friends, and I don't miss my girlfriend in that way either, though sometimes I wish she were there with me when I’m doing an activity, having a bad day, or feeling stressed. Sometimes I just want to be in her arms. Also, sometimes she wants eggs in the morning; I don't really feel like making them, but I do it anyway because I love seeing her happy and smiling.

But since last Thursday, I feel like I don't love her—like I’m not looking forward to seeing her, yet at the same time, I am looking forward to it. I keep questioning whether I still love her. I spend my days online looking for signs of whether I love her or not; sometimes the feeling comes back and I want to see her, and I know deep down that I do love her. Also, this morning she called me by a nickname I like, and I smiled, but I didn't feel love or happiness :( The same thing happened when she said she was proud of me—I smiled proudly, but I didn't feel anything. Right now, I feel neutral about the fact that we’re seeing each other on Friday :( but I *do* want to be with her. I don't understand. I just got off a call with her and I was happy; I was asking about the exam she took and was genuinely interested. I don't get it :( I don't want to break up or realize that I don't love her and if you ask me i would take care of her if she sick etc i would take care of herdirectly

but now i feel like every morning the first thing a think about is if i love her or not. i feel that each day i feel like when i call her i feel annoy by her even if i was the one that call her first or that i was happy to see her call me. like 1 week ago i thought about buying her a little surprise just like that because i want etc nd 2 day ago i was imagine life with her like together in our home and was happy and exciting because i would love to live with her and have our time appart etc

TL;DR i feel like i dont love her anymore but at the same time i love her :(

can it be fixed ? or not

tl;dr he is texting his old friend and lying to me about it.

i created a new account so he cant see. we have been together for 2 years. and throughout the relationship ive noticed that he liked to keep some stuff to himself and sometimes he never tells me anything. bc of this reason i became super insecure and went through his messages where i found some sad stuff. we had a convo abt it and he apologized. i promised myself i would never do it again.

the other day i was in his room playing when he got a notification that mentioned my name on discord. and that intrigued me bc i had no idea who this person was. so i started paying attention to the notifications that popped up. translating them even since we are not from the same country. turns out he is talking to his ex friend that he cut ties with bc they were terrible people (they introduced him to drugs etc) and he plans to hang out with him.

today he told me he was gonna play with someone. when i asked who he made up a story abt how he met this certain person named (ill use a fake name but its the same name the dude has) Sam. when i said oooo can i see Sam he very quickly said no.

i feel super heartbroken. when my ex friend reached out the first person who i told it to was him. i dont know. should i talk to him abt it? is this normal? :(

According to my male friends, I should break up with my girlfriend and never speak to her again. But I want some unbiased opinions.

I (30M) met my girlfriend (31F) in March. We had sex on our first date and things moved quickly. She was at my place almost every day, we called each other “baby,” acted like a couple, and eventually made things official around the second or third month.

In September, I discovered she had been sleeping with another guy during those first months.

From what I found, they had sex three times: once in March (which they recorded on video) and twice in April. She insists it only happened once. On May 1st, after sleeping with him that night, she told him she couldn’t continue because she was starting a relationship with me.

They met twice afterward, once to go shopping and another time because she was braiding his roommate’s hair. Based on their messages, I’m almost certain nothing sexual happened during those meetings.

Here’s what bothers me most: she never told me any of this. I found out myself in September after discovering she still had their sex video saved.

She says she regrets everything, blames the encounters on alcohol, says she’s stopped drinking, and insists she has no interest in him anymore.

I understand we weren’t officially exclusive at the beginning, but we were already treating each other like a couple. I genuinely thought we were building something serious.

Another thing that bothers me is the financial side. She lost her job shortly after we started dating and hasn’t worked since. I’ve been working and investing my time, money, and energy into this relationship.

Looking back, I feel stupid knowing that while I was putting so much effort into us, she was still going to another guy’s house to have sex.

It’s not just about the sex. It’s about realizing that the relationship I thought we were building wasn’t exactly what I believed it was.

Now she says she loves me, regrets everything, and wants to make things work. But I don’t see her the same way anymore.

Honestly, I’ve reached a point where I feel almost indifferent about whether we stay together or break up. I’m not desperate to leave, but I’m not particularly motivated to fix things either.

My friends say I should respect myself, walk away, and never contact her again.

Would you consider this cheating even though we weren’t officially exclusive? Would you try to move past it, or is my indifference a sign that the relationship is already over?

TL;DR: My (30M) girlfriend (31F) slept with another guy multiple times during the first months we were dating, before we officially became a couple. I found out months later after discovering she still had a sex video with him saved. She regrets it, but I’ve lost trust and feel emotionally disconnected. My friends say I should leave and never speak to her again. I’m unsure whether this relationship is worth saving.

My husband didn’t do anything textbook inexcusable (I.e. cheating, abuse, etc.). My resentment with him has festered overtime due to lack of intimacy, selfishness, immaturity, and just simply not being a gentleman. I commend him for working on improving the first thing, but I should have been more vocal about the other things. I simply accepted them for ‘this is how he is’ and did not want to start shit by pointing out behaviors that annoyed me in the moment. (Read: nagging.)

I also feel like our relationship has been largely driven be me. I was the one who asked for the first date; I even brought up marriage first. I was really the one pursuing him. I’m an assertive person, so I chalked it up to that early on. It wasn’t well until our marriage, I finally started to feel like he was in love with me. You’re probably wondering why I even brought up marriage in the first place: I was young and dumb. No other excuse.

And now, the tables have flipped. I feel like I’ve fallen out of love, and that he loves me more than I love him. And still, despite his efforts, I still don’t feel entirely chosen or pursued. It’s not enough for me. After years of being the pursuer too, I’m fucking exhausted. So I put my foot down and admitted I think about separating often; I told him a want a man who fiercely wants me in all ways, not just doing things out of duty. That utterly destroyed him. He felt immense guilt. And that man cried.

We had a really good discussion. I learned his POV and he learned more of mine. Mind you, we’ve had several discussions about the intimacy issue in particular, but this was the most serious discussion of all since it was about the marriage in general.

Now, this post so far paints him in a shitty light. He’s truly a wonderful person. He can be so kind, we work amazing together on house projects or through difficult situations (beyond this issue lol), we have the exact same aesthetic preferences, we share the same humor, we love the same fandoms, we share the same values, we share hobbies, and he is the hottest man I’ve known. So there’s a lot to lose if I leave.

But…despite all I typed, there’s like a mental block in me. I can’t bring myself to feel that love I once had for him right now. It’s like I can write what I wrote above on paper but it might as well not exist.

It’s also counterintuitive to the intimacy issue, because I look at him and all I feel is resentment. It prevents me from truly embracing the moment and enjoying it.

One of our action items was to both individually and as a couple go to therapy. I need to hold on that because my insurance is in the process of changing, but in the interim, I would appreciate advice of trying to see the good again. I have hope we can work something out.

TLDR: my husband has caused resentment over the years due to me feeling like I drive the relationship due to his lack of initiative (amongst other annoying qualities). I told him I think about separation often, and he freaked out. We’re getting a game plan to address this, but I need help seeing the good in our relationship again to move forward.

Hi, I know this is a overgeneralized question but I’m feeling jaded.

For context, I am a 24f who got cheated on months ago. My ex cheated on me with a close friend of mine and I didn’t find out until some weeks after we broke up. She cheated on her boyfriend of 10 years with him too. my ex and her are not together after all of it, she went back to her boyfriend and I guess they’re working it out. Their friend group is fractured because of this as well as far as I know. I’m a pretty sensitive person, so this really affected me (as it would anyone), I still feel really stupid and naive. I also have pretty bad rumination issues as well, if I got any answers ( I never went looking for them) I don’t believe I would have been satisfied ever. And I really did try my best with both of them.

A couple days ago, this podcast couple I’m sure you all know had a cheating scandal that broke out after being together for 20 years and having 3 babies. I don’t watch them and really haven’t in years but the news really affected me. It makes me feel so so sad that even after that long being committed, you can still be blindsided and betrayed. Especially by someone you built everything with.

I’m trying not to let this consume my outlook.
I really do love Love.
I still sing love songs and daydream about who is next.
But I am losing faith and I kinda hate them for that.

I guess I’m just want to know if there are some people out there that can share their perspective.
I don’t care if it’s a “welcome to the real world” or “here is an example of true love”

I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for but I don’t want to move through life this way.

TL;DR: I was cheated on by my ex with a close friend, and a recent cheating scandal brought back a lot of feelings about betrayal. I still love the idea of love, but I’m becoming jaded about trust and long-term commitment. I’d love to hear different perspectives because I don’t want this experience to make me cynical

TL;DR I’m unsure whether I can feel romantic attraction, so I want to know how others experience it.

I’m (34F) trying to work out whether this is something I’ve felt before or could feel. When you’re romantically attracted to someone, what does that feel like it your body? What’s happening in your brain? How does it feel different than feeling drawn to a person in other ways, like wanting to be their friend? When you’re in a romantic relationship, how is the way you feel about that person different from how you feel toward, for example, close friends you really love and feel emotionally connected to? In my mind, the equation is strong emotional connection + sex = romance. What am I missing?

This guy and i have been involced for multple years, in bwtween that we had a lot of on and off

i admit i did go see and talk to other people and so did he

we're back and close again but he was acting weird so i asked to see messages with him and another girl he used to like

he started saying no and like why and i told him why

he still refused then he started bringign up his parents, " my parents wouldnt want that" and then hours later he finally uses the excuse ethics

mind you he's said that he's hated this girl before for ruining us but ig now it's diff?

i feel like that doesnt matter but still he just kept makign excuses which made me to suspect he's hidiign something even more

ive shown him mine before, screen recoridngs and all, and he never explicitly said like show me messages but he;s definitely implied like "oh who knowws what youre textign them" and other things like that with the same vibe so i would just send the messages to prove i wasn't doing anything bad and now he doesnt want to show me these?

he's offered to show me before like two years ago but i never took that bcuz like i didnt want or need to at the time

tl;dr boyfriend not showing messages with a girl he used to like bcuz concerned for "ethics" should i be worried?

TLDR: bf and I are not as intimate as he wants and it’s stressing me out making me want to do it less, what do I do?

I f(22) and my bf m(23) have been dating over a year. We’re having an issue with our intimacy. I have a low libido and he has a high one. We’ve had this issue for most of our relationship. In the beginning I asked to go slow physically (I have some trauma with a previous bf) and he said he’d respect that. But to me we moved too fast. I felt bad constantly saying I wanted to go slower so I stoped saying it even when I wasn’t comfortable. That’s all on me and I’ve talked about that with him including the trauma it’s self. I’ve been up front with him about all of this since then. There has been some things he’s said/did that’s triggered me, and again, I talked with him about it and he dosen’t do that stuff any more. But since these things have happened I feel our intimacy is under a microscope. When I get stressed I don’t want to f around like that, but he does. He says that it’s a stress relief to some people so I should try it. I’ve said it multiple times that it causes me stress. Then I shut down as a defense mechanism and don’t want to do anything intimately. I’ve asked some female friends and they’ve said they do it once a week maybe, every other week. And my bf said that’s not enough but we can try (every other week is loosely what we’ve done till now).

I love him. I am sexually attracted to him and want to do stuff with him. I want to have his kids and the white picket fence, the whole thing. We are best friends. Our morals align on so much, and when we disagree we still understand where the other person is coming from. Outside the bed room we’re perfect. It’s just this one thing. The reason I’m starting to worry about our relationship is because the past two days we’ve talked about our intimacy and he’s done. He was crying to me for the past two days about our relationship. How unhappy he is and how he thinks we’ll never be happy, what if we never figure it out. He’s never said anything like that before with our conversations about our intimacy so I really am scared. I don’t want to lose him. I know I can do better but I don’t know how. I just feel like I’m the problem for not liking him enough. But this whole situation makes me feel more stressed and want to do it even less. If feels like a never ending cycle.

What can I do to fix this?

My girlfriend(23F) and I(24F) moved into an apartment together 3 almost 4 months ago , and I’ve been struggling more than I expected. Before moving out, I was comfortable living with my family. Of course, there were things I didn’t like, but I had my routines, my family, and a familiar environment. I wanted more independence and wanted to build a life with my girlfriend, so I genuinely thought I was ready. Now I constantly miss home and feel a heaviness and anxiety that make it hard to enjoy this new chapter. Even when my girlfriend and I have good moments, the feeling doesn’t always go away.

I love my girlfriend and still want a future with her and keep thinking If I could do it over, I think I would have waited another few years to save money and prepare myself emotionally(but I wouldn’t have known I felt like this until I did it I guess). This isn’t about not wanting to be with her. I wanted this- I intentionally did this, but now I’m questioning whether I was actually ready for it. She has given me a month to decide whether I’m genuinely going to try to make this work. She has made it clear that if I move back home, our relationship is over and she won’t consider trying again in the future. She wants to move forward with her life, and I understand that, but I’m terrified of losing her.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is normal adjustment anxiety that will improve with time or a sign that I moved out before I was ready. I want to genuinely try, but I’m scared that even if I do everything I can, I’ll still want to go home.

Has anyone experienced this? Did you eventually adjust and feel at home, or did you realize you weren’t ready to move out? I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who loved their partner but struggled with leaving home.

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I moved in together months ago, and I’m experiencing overwhelming anxiety, a constant heaviness, and homesickness. The stress has even made me physically sick. I love my girlfriend and want a future with her, but I’m questioning whether I moved out before I was emotionally ready. She’s given me a month to decide whether to make this work, and moving back home would mean ending our relationship. Has anyone experienced this? Does it get better with time, or did you realize you needed more time before moving out?

I guess we never even technically dated but this feels worse than a breakup ever did. We were best friends for years until I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt and that I wanted to be with her. She said she felt the same way and for a while it looked like everything I ever wanted was about to happen.

She lives in another state so we didn’t start officially dating, but I would visit and we talked about being together. We talked about marriage, kids, all of that. Then she had a change of heart and said she didn’t want to date. With how close we were and everything we had said to each other, I had a hard time believing that could really be the end of it. I figured she needed time to adjust to her new city and everything else going on in her life.

We didn’t talk for months, which gutted me, but I didn’t want to force things. We also had a drunken conversation where she said it wasn’t me and that she just couldn’t be with anyone at the time. I told her how scared I was of losing her and she told me I was stuck with her forever. I held onto that more than I probably should have.

Recently we started talking again and she told me she was moving back. I was excited and thought that her being back in my life and acting the same way toward me was a good sign. She isn’t officially back yet but came back this past weekend and we hung out with our mutual friends the whole weekend.

It was great seeing her, but it also kind of killed me to hang out as friends and nothing more. It felt like we were pretending nothing had happened and going back to how things were before anything romantic happened between us.

I woke up Sunday with crazy anxiety because I realized I couldn’t go back to that. Even before I told her how I felt, I would get jealous when another guy was involved and take it out on her. That wasn’t fair to her, and I don’t want to put either of us through that again.

So I told her that it was great seeing her and that I love spending time with her, but I can’t just be friends with her right now. She said she understands but that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me.

I think this is the first time I’m actually accepting that it’s over. Before I told her how I felt, there was always hope because she hadn’t said no. After things ended, I convinced myself it was the timing. Now I have her answer and I know I need to accept it, but it fucking hurts.

She was the closest person in my life before anything physical ever happened. As much as I wish I could still have her as my best friend, I know I can’t do that right now. I can’t hear about guys she’s talking to and I don’t think I could move on with someone else while still being that close to her.

I just don’t really know what to do now. We have the same friends and she’s moving back, so avoiding her would also mean missing things with everyone else. I don’t want our friends to feel like they have to choose between us, but I also can’t keep having weekends like this one.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you stop talking completely? How did you handle group plans where you knew they would be there? I know I need space, but I don’t know how to actually do that when our lives overlap so much.

TL;DR: My best friend and I had feelings for each other and briefly became romantically involved, but she has now told me she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. I can’t go back to being close friends right now. How do I take space and move on when we share the same friends and she’s moving back?

its a "fallen out of love" phase for me. its been 3 years since we started dating (i fell first and harder in the starting) and been almost a year since the long distance happened.

this was supposed to be a good, fun relationship, but as time passed by he is getting more and more serious like marrying to me one day and all. i dont hate him or this idea, but i just think that we should not think that far and enjoy what we have right now and lets see how all this turns out

now since 4-5 months, i have been missing my single life, and i feel i have started to hate this relationship(and honestly i dont want to feel thsi way but i can't help it). I DO NOT WANT TO HATE HIM. he is a very lovely and sweet guy, he is the best person but i think we just might not be compatible and i am unable to fake this. though we have never fought and the relationship is quiet and smooth, sometimes i feel like im suffocating here and i dont know what to do.

what i believe would have been the triggers for these feelings of mine is that recently, i had a major accident at the peak time/age of my life where im supposed to decide and work hard for my career and future. so i just wanted to go off grid, dont talk to anyone and have my own space. when i told him i don't want to talk to anyone, i will be texting u less maybe, and he just denied it. i get it he wants he help me, he loves me, he maybe did not want to leave me alone at that time but i really needed it.

soon after this, we graduated, he got a job/placement and i had my job offer which i lost (im ghosted by the company) because of not being able to join due to my accident. (being unemployed is making me go insane and depressed)

anothing thing is, i have a habit of keeping things inside (i think all those unsaid things inside me are buildingup this feeling) and i fear i may hurt him if i say something, though even when sometimes i tell him something i did not like he just smiles and say okay.

the worst part is that there is no drama, chaos or toxic fight in our relationship which makes it much harder to end it.

How do you know whether you're going through a temporary phase of falling out of love or whether your feelings have genuinely changed? Is it worth giving yourself time to see if the love comes back, or does staying when you already feel this way only make the eventual breakup more painful?

TLDR: i feel me and my bf are not really compatible in a long run but he seems kinda serious and positive about it. i have started to kinda hate this relationship and wish to break up before i start hating him(which i dont want to) i have no idea what to do about this. i DO NOT HATE the guy. he is the best person i have ever met.

For some context I’ve (m20) been dating my gf (f20) for about 7 months now, it was all sunshine and rainbows at the start but after she went abroad (which is about 5 months into our relationship) it started falling down. I knew she was avoidant from the start, she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong for hours, (8-10 hours or more) and sometimes i wouldn’t know what bothered her. But with time it got better, she promised that she would tell me after taking some space (which she did) now that she’s abroad, every time there’s a conflict between us (most of the time it’s for something small) she becomes distant and tells me “you should re think about being with me”. Around 3 weeks ago she started becoming as avoidant as she was before, sometimes worse. She wouldn’t tell me at all what’s wrong. She says that she doesn’t need anyone’s help, or people notice when she’s upset. Today morning she said “maybe we should end it” reason being, that we were in call and she was upset but I didn’t notice. The thing was she said she watching a show so I thought her being silent means well she’s watching the show (she’s silent when she watch smth) but suddenly she ended the call and started saying all these through texts. I explained to her that I couldn’t know that she was upset unless she tells me cause we were on voice call it’s not like I can see her facial expressions. She started saying that I can’t help her at all, she doesn’t need anyone, even you can’t notice when I’m upset, as if explaining would change anything, and that she doesn’t wanna listen to me supporting her and explain to me.

One time, after about two days after an argument happened I talked to her about some stuff she said which she responded with “oh I was prolly upset , I didn’t mean any of it”, I understand that she’s under a lot of pressure with her just going abroad with school, family and job, but lately I feel like, her response to every conflict is to whether break up or tell me to re consider being with her. I really love her, but idk whether I should keep reaching out to her or break up

TL;DR - Avoidant Girlfriend wants to break up over the smallest conflict and I don’t know what to do

tl;dr don’t use Reddit and so I apologize if I format this all wrong and it may be all over the place.

I have been with my husband, we will call him Michael for this, for 22 years. Michael’s best friend, call him Daniel, and his wife Rebecca (f41), have been together for 19 years. Michael and Daniel have known each other for 35 years and they are very very close.

I understand that male relationships/friendships can be extremely close and extremely profound and this is not something that I’ve only recently thought up, but something that I have been brewing over for many years and have in recent years spoken to Rebecca about as well.

We all have grown very close and there genuinely hasn’t been more than a week in these twenty years that I think we’ve been apart. We live across the street from each other, Daniel and Michael are together constantly and me and Rebecca hang out a lot as well. We’ve raised our kids together and they are inseparable.

I understand that I can’t even understand the bond that being with someone, knowing someone for 35+ years can cause.

There have been moments me and Rebecca have both noticed that have made us believe this. In the beg it was almost impossible to ever get them apart, always together, always touching. The whole lot and it’s never once bothered me. It still doesn’t.

Michael is openly bi and I have always known this. It’s never been confusing or bothered me in any way. In the early 2000s, which is when I met him and was still a troubling time for LGBTQ+ people I actually found it beautiful how out and proud he was. Daniel has always been a very proud straight ally.

But over the years there have been countless looks the two have shared that seem far beyond your typical friend glances. Again I can’t fathom a friendship of 35 years but it goes beyond that. In times they didn’t realize I or Rebecca were around they get so close they look as if they might kiss and then it’s as if they come to their senses and they look so devastated but also so scared. I have told Michael so many times over the years, and I imagine rebecca has as well, that he is safe with me and he can tell me absolutely anything but of course hes never mentioned anything like this to me.

Rebecca told me something a few months ago that Daniel and her were drinking One night and he started sobbing, saying he wished Michael was a girl so he could love him openly.

Obviously this could all mean nothing but if it doesn’t I want to do the right Thing. I love Michael so much and I hate seeing him look to someone with so much longing for something he thinks he can’t have.

what should I do?

My girlfriend and I just hit 6 months yesterday, but things have been pretty rough lately and I'm not sure what to do.

We only really see each other on weekends because of our schedules. When things are good, we're really affectionate with each other and I know we both care about each other. But lately it feels like she's starting to check out of the relationship. Today, while we were texting about our relationship and trying to figure things out, she told me she doesn't know if she loves me anymore.

We've been fighting a lot when we go out, especially when we're drinking or when she's on drugs. A lot of it has been over things like me wanting to go home while she wants to stay out longer. We've also argued about my friends. She's told me she doesn't really like my friend group, but then got upset when I didn't invite her out for one of my friend's birthdays.

Another big issue is that whenever I try to talk to her about our problems, she tends to go quiet and it's hard to get her to open up about how she's feeling. She's also said she doesn't feel like herself anymore, but she hasn't really explained what she means by that, so I'm left trying to figure out what's going on.

I feel like I've been putting more effort into trying to fix things than she has. I keep trying to talk through our problems and figure out what we can do differently, but it's hard when I don't really know how she feels or what she wants.

Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary, and I asked if she wanted to do something to celebrate, but she said no. I know we've been having problems, but it still hurt, especially with everything else that's been going on.

I really do care about her and want to make things work, but I also don't want to be the only one trying to save the relationship. I don't know if she's losing feelings because of all the fighting or if there's something else going on.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this something we can fix if we both put in the effort, or is it a sign that the relationship is already too far gone? I'm just not sure what to do at this point.

TLDR: gf losing feelings after fighting for last few months. Not sure what to do

I’m (27F) struggling to figure out whether I should stay in my relationship or leave, and I’d really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation.

My boyfriend (29M) has been making an effort to improve himself and our relationship. He has a job now, which is a big change from before, and he tries to reassure me and make me feel loved. I appreciate the changes he’s making, and I know he’s trying, but I still have moments where I question whether this is the relationship I truly want long-term.

We’ve been together (or on and off) for years (8 years) so there’s a lot of history and attachment. I don’t want to walk away from someone who’s genuinely making an effort, but I also don’t want to stay simply because of how much time we’ve invested in each other.

For those who’ve experienced this, how did you figure out whether your doubts were something you needed to work through or a sign that the relationship wasn’t right for you? Did things eventually become clearer with time, or did you have to make a difficult decision despite the uncertainty?

TL;DR: My boyfriend is making an effort to improve himself and our relationship, including getting a job after not working before. I appreciate his efforts, but I still sometimes question whether he’s the right person for me long-term. We’ve been together for years, and I’m struggling to figure out whether I should work through my doubts or walk away. How do you know the difference between normal doubts and a sign that a relationship isn’t right for you?

My boyfriend (33M) and I (23F) have been together for 2.5 years and live together with two cats. For the most part our relationship has been pretty good; we rarely fought, generally got along well and had a comfortable life together with little routines we shared. We had a sense of stability and things felt familiar and secure. That’s part of why his recent distance has been so difficult for me, because it feels like such a sudden change from what our relationship used to be.

Over the past month he’s become unusually distant, both emotionally and physically, in a way I’ve never seen from him before. This started around the time he started his new job (he’s a chef). He claims this is his dream job and recently got a promotion. I’m happy for him but don’t think it’s fair for him to completely disregard me and our relationship in the process. He’s very busy as it’s a pretty demanding job and will continue to be for the next few months, which makes me feel like improving our relationship isn’t realistic right now. I also worry that his distance might mean he’s losing feelings.
If I complain or cry or say anything about him being distant, I get the same response that’s along the lines of “I’m working a lot, I can’t afford to be distracted”.

Other general persistent issues:
I often feel more like roommates than a couple, we rarely go on dates, I feel like I’m missing affection and quality time, and our sex life has been a longstanding issue. He says sex isn’t important to him, while intimacy and feeling desired are important to me. I also feel like I’m the one initiating conversations and trying to fix things, and he’s basically not involved in my social life at all. We seem to have different priorities and life goals (he wants to settle down soon, but a house etc while I still just want to experience life).

We had a calm conversation about our relationship yesterday and agreed that we may be incompatible and at different stages in life. He’s leaving the decision up to me, and we agreed I’d take a few days to decide whether to break up, take a break, or stay together. He suggested a break as a way of not throwing away our time together since we’ve been together for years.

I’ve wanted to break up for a while and I know there are so many valid reasons to leave, but I’m struggling to let go. I miss the person he used to be (affectionate, funny, loving) and the happiness we once shared. That’s what’s hurting the most. He feels like a completely different person now.
I know breakups are common and it happens to everyone, but the thought of losing someone who’s been such a big part of my life feels unbearable. Despite having valid reasons to leave, I keep holding on and hoping the loving version of him will come back, even though I know things aren’t likely to change anytime soon.

How do I evaluate whether the relationship is worth continuing? But most importantly how do I move past the attachment, grief and pain when part of me knows breaking up might be the right decision?

TL;DR: My (23F) boyfriend (33M) and I have been together for 2.5 years, but we have recurring issues with intimacy, affection, and compatibility. He’s become very distant and I’ve been considering breaking up for a while. I know we may not be right for each other but I’m struggling to let go of the relationship we used to have. How do I decide what’s best for me and cope with the fear of losing him?