My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together 7. Just yesterday I can recall two things my wife did that catered to not bothering me.

1. I picked up some one dollar items at a store and held them briefly, then put them back. She caught herself mid asking me why I put them back.

2. I took a couple of Tylenol because I was starting to get a headache. She caught herself mid sentence asking if I was starting to get a head ache.

For a little extra context, I do struggle with talking about nitty gritty detail things (maybe related to my ADHD/autism or it's own separate thing). My wife and I have talked about it in general, which is probably where these moments are coming from. The thing is, it does not feel very good to witness real time. It feels like she's having to keep a running list in her head of what to not do to not annoy me, which does not seem healthy at all. At the same time she was all spot on with what details I find grating to talk about.

I'm not sure what is the best way of going about it. Should I be working on coping skills to be able to talk about things most people are able to? Is her going out of her way to accommodate me our best case scenario? Has anybody else had this problem? This post might be premature because I haven't brought up yesterday and unpacked it with my wife yet. It could be a complete non issue on her end or be very expensive for her.

TL;DR I have a hard time talking about nitty gritty detail things (they are to me at least) and I can feel my wife constantly censoring herself to accommodate me. Is there a way we can address this to have a happy sustainable long term relationship for both of us?

TL;DR - My bf only has a few friends in the city we live in and they all missed his 30th birthday for semi-valid reasons. If i reschedule a belated get-together will that help or rub salt in the wound?

EDIT: The friends in question do usually show up for "regular" hangs like watching a hockey game or playing a round of golf. FWIW they all originally confirmed their attendance weeks ago and then apologized for not being there and offered to schedule something soon to hang out although no concrete plans were proposed by any of them.

Sorry to tangent, my neurodivergence thinks all these details are super important i guess…

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and living together for over 3. We both live in Canada but he’s from the US, I was born and raised in the city where we live and he moved her for work right after college. When he first moved, a bunch of his college friends moved as well since they all accepted work in the same field.

A few years ago, their industry got hit with a lot of layoffs due to tariffs and changes in immigration policy so nearly all of his college friends ended up moving back to the US. The lay offs affected him too but thankfully he was able to find more work eventually and since we’re common-law I’m able to help with his immigration status.

While had since made a few friends from work that were still local, it just wasn’t the same. I’ve been feeling some guilt since I know i’m mostly the reason he didn’t move back home. He stayed here for me, for us. He plays video games regularly with his friends back home and when we visit 1-2x per year we try to maximize our time with them. His feelings get hurt when he finds out that they make plans to hang out IRL and he can’t be there.

I try to encourage him to make plans with the friends he has here but he’s scared they’ll brush him off…Which is fair since just last night I organized a small gathering to celebrate his 30th birthday and **NONE of his local friends showed up** (one was sick, one had last minute travel plans; one fell asleep on his couch and missed it and another could only arrive by the time our reservation was over). So it was only us and some of my friends, none of “his” people. He was so disappointed and embarrassed and I was just devastated and furious at these grown ass men for not making a bit of an effort to show up for their friends milestone birthday like he had for theirs.

My boyfriend is a smart, kind, caring and gentle soul who was a shy kid turned introverted adult. It’s hard for him to “put himself out there” to try to initiate plans with friends because he’s so scared he’ll be rejected. It pains me because his college and home friends DO show up for him in person, they’ve had their rifts, often due to the distance or just growing pains that come with 20+ year friendships, but they SHOW UP.

Between the layoffs and his core friend group moving away, my boyfriend has definitely been battling some depression making him isolate himself even more. He’s done some therapy and while that’s helped his mental health it doesn’t solve the friend “issue”.

I want to organize a “redemption”/“re-do” party because he deserves to be celebrated, especially for such a milestone birthday, but I’m worried the damage has been done and I don’t know how to approach it with his friends in a way that they don’t feel too guilty but also i kinda want them to know how hurt he is so they don’t overlook him again…

Please share any advice!!

I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) since we were 16. We’ve grown up together in Madrid and our lives have been completely intertwined, especially since we literally live just two minutes away from each other in the same neighborhood.

Two months ago, I moved to Helsinki to live with some friends. Being away has completely shifted my perspective. Recently, I took a short trip to Riga, and it hit me hard: I didn’t miss her at all. I had zero desire to text her, tell her about my day, or hear about hers. It made me realize that even back home, hanging out with her often felt more like an obligation or a routine than genuine interest. I was just doing it to check a box and not feel guilty.

I know I want out. If there was a magic button to end it peacefully right now, I would press it. But it’s incredibly confusing because when I look at old photos of us, I break down crying. It’s 5 years of memories and she was my whole adolescence, so the grief is hitting me hard even though I know the relationship has run its course.
Here is the nightmare part: I am flying back to Madrid on November 10th for a one-week visit. Her birthday is on November 11th, the very next day. She expects me to spend the entire week with her.
I know faking it for a week is a terrible idea, and breaking up via video call after 5 years feels cowardly. But breaking up with her the moment I land, literally hours before her birthday, feels unimaginably cruel. Plus, since our houses are a two-minute walk from each other, avoiding her for the rest of my trip is going to be incredibly difficult.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I end a 5-year relationship the day before her birthday when we live on the same street?

TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend since we were 16 (5 years). Moved to Helsinki 2 months ago and realized I don't miss her and was only staying out of routine. I'm flying back to Madrid on Nov 10th, her birthday is Nov 11th, and we live 2 minutes apart. Need advice on how and when to break up with her during this trip without being completely heartless.

I’m looking for some advice on a situation with a coworker I’ve been trying to become friends with.

For some context, I don't really have any friends, and I spend most of my days at work listening to music since the work itself is quite individual. Because I spend so much of my time at work, I thought there could be an opportunity to develop a genuine friendship with someone there.

A couple of months ago, a new colleague joined my team, and I was one of the people responsible for helping her settle in and learn the job. During her first few weeks, we seemed to get along really well. We would grab coffee, have lunch together, hang out during breaks, and talk or gossip about random things. We also had a few calls related to training, and the conversations would often go beyond work.

At the time, I felt like we were developing a good friendship. I tried to make her feel welcome, helped her whenever she needed something, and made an effort to get to know her. She genuinely made work more enjoyable because I knew I had someone I could talk to and spend time with throughout the day.

However, over the past few weeks, things seem to have changed quite suddenly. I feel like I'm almost always the one initiating conversations or suggesting we get coffee or lunch. When I try to make conversation, her responses are often quite short, and she doesn't seem to make much effort to keep the conversation going. Our calls used to last quite a while, but now she often seems eager to end them.

At the same time, she seems much more engaged with other colleagues on the team, including people she hasn't known for as long. I can't help wondering whether I did or said something that changed how she sees me. I don't think I did, but I keep replaying our interactions in my head, trying to figure out if I missed something.

Over the past two weeks, I've invited her to lunch a few times and suggested getting coffee. She's declined some of these invitations for understandable reasons, but she rarely suggests doing something another time. I realize that none of these things necessarily mean anything on their own, but taken together, they make me feel like the friendship might be more one-sided than I initially thought.

What makes this complicated is that we still work closely together. I'm expected to help train her, and I want to maintain a good working relationship and make sure she feels comfortable asking me questions. I don't want my feelings about the friendship to affect how I treat her professionally, and I certainly don't want to make things awkward at work.

I also recognize that part of why this bothers me so much might be that I don't have much of a social life outside work. Having someone I genuinely enjoyed talking to made my days better, and I think I've become more invested in this friendship than I should have.

I'm trying to figure out whether I'm overthinking things, whether she simply doesn't see us becoming close friends, or whether something might have changed that I'm unaware of.

How should I handle this situation going forward? Should I stop initiating conversations and inviting her to lunch or coffee, and let her make an effort if she wants to develop the friendship? I don't want to make things awkward since we work together. At the same time, I don't want to keep investing in a friendship that isn't being reciprocated.

TL;DR: I developed what I thought was a good friendship with a coworker, but lately she seems more distant and I'm almost always the one making an effort. I'm wondering if I did something wrong or if she simply isn't interested in being friends. Should I stop initiating and let her make an effort if she wants to, or talk to her about it? How do I handle this without making things awkward at work?

I have known my partner for 10 years but just recently left to live with her overseas.

Our life together is great but if there is one thing I wonder about is that we do everything together. She works from home and having left my home, I don’t have any friends or family here to be just out and about by myself. We eat all meals together and her life is far more on a schedule like she doesn’t skip meals and she finds it strange that I don’t know beforehand where I want to eat. At times, I feel my life is on a timer with her and I am living her life in this new country.

Much of my single life has been go to work, watch sports, play basketball and the occasional video game. A lot of downtime , not much responsibility, but with her, there’s always something to do before we have to once again eat

At our ages, it’s now or never for a child and she says she has to be married before then. I started this new journey hoping to grow and part of me wonders if this dynamic is part of every relationship in learning how to really love and support a person or is this unhealthy? If we marry, have a child, buy a home etc. I expect all my personal time is going to be taken up

If I returned to my boring life, I could see myself getting depressed and feeling like I never grew up (it’s probably now or never if I get married too). But If I marry and start a family, I feel I have signed away my boyish freedom. Is this just life in any relationship or is my laidback self and her more regimented lifestyle a sign of incompatibility

Tl;dr: how do I find personal time in a 24/7 living together relationship?

My gf and I have been together for 4 years, and honestly, our sex life has never been the best. Over the past few months, it’s gotten to the point where I sometimes feel humiliated and rejected.

She’s never directly commented on my size, but she’ll occasionally say things during sex which are a bit humiliating and she doesn’t realize it. It makes me feel pretty insecure. I also sometimes feel like she’s faking her moans because she’ll moan pretty aggressively, but then after 2–3 minutes, she seems to lose interest and asks me to get her vibrator.

Once the vibrator comes out, all her attention shifts to that, and I end up feeling even more insecure and honestly a little humiliated. She also rarely wants to give or receive oral unless I specifically ask for it.
The one thing she genuinely seems excited about every time is me dirty talking and teasing her while she uses her toy. I have absolutely no problem with her using a vibrator, but I feel like that’s become our entire sex life. We barely explore anything else, and sex itself has started feeling pretty boring and one sided. She isn’t interested in any other toys or dildos for penetration.

I’ve talked to her multiple times about exploring new things and making our sex life more exciting. She’s usually open to the idea, and things might improve for a few days, but we always end up falling back into the same boring routine.

The weird part is that the constant feelings of rejection and humiliation have actually started turning me on, to the point where I don’t even speak up anymore. Sometimes she’ll unknowingly say something that makes me feel inadequate or barely pay attention to me during sex, and I’ve started finding that arousing. But I don’t really want this to become our normal dynamic. I know how exciting and fulfilling sex can be when both people are genuinely into it and making an effort.

I want her to enjoy herself, but I also want to feel desired and like she’s genuinely excited to be intimate with me, rather than feeling like I’m just there while she uses her toy. I’m not sure how to break out of this cycle, especially now that my own feelings about it have gotten so complicated.

tl;dr - My gf and I have been together for 4 years, and our sex life mostly revolves around her vibrator, leaving me feeling unwanted and insecure. We’ve talked about exploring more, but changes never last, and lately the rejection and unintentional humiliation have started turning me on, making it harder to speak up. I don’t want that to become our dynamic—I want to feel desired and have a sex life we’re both excited about.

I haven’t been a very sociable person since middle school when I developed social anxiety and anxiety in general. I am a college student and both of my only friends here have already transferred or are going to transfer. I’m trying to think of ways to make friends but no clubs speak to me and my coworkers are all 30+. My boyfriend has many friends and invites me along with him a lot but I’m really nervous because I am about to have no friends outside of him and his friends ( all men ) but I want female friends. Overall I’m really scared of us breaking up and losing my whole social life. I don’t know what to do about it and I have no one to be my roommate and I’ve had very bad luck with roommates in the past.

TLDR; looking for ways to make female friends that aren’t just friends of my bfs or his friends.

I (27F) have been dating a guy (25M) for 4 months. We became exclusive around month 3. I’ve met his friends and coworkers, and he’s told his family about me. He’s been consistent and effortful in making plans and taking me on dates. It’s the best connection I’ve had with anyone I’ve dated.

He struggled with his mental health before we met and from what he’s said, it eased a bit when we first got together. Lately I could tell he was being spread thin and not doing his best.

After a couple weeks apart for work and travel, he told me in person that he’s depressed and needs to build healthier routines and spend time on himself. He doesn’t want to stop seeing me or see other people, but we’ll likely see each other less. He said he was nervous about the conversation, and that his depression has hurt partners in the past. He’s always been upfront about hard things, and this felt genuine.

I asked about frequency. He said once a week “doesn’t sound difficult,” but later didn’t want to put a number on it. We have no next plan. We had a great date right after, and I felt connected. I texted that I’m here for him, he responded warmly, and he’s texted first the last few days.

But I don’t know when I’ll see him next, and I’m scared this is a slow fade dressed up as self-care. Ive already fully accepted this as being the end. I want to let him decide when we see each-other next but how long do I wait before I need to make a call? Do I need to just chill out and not catastrophize this situation? For context I struggle with depression as well so I’m not new to depressed behavior, i just haven’t dated someone with depression.

**TL;DR:** BF (25M) of 4 months says he’s depressed and needs time to recalibrate. He still wants to see me, but less, with no set schedule. He’s keeping in touch and texting first despite not being a big texter, but I’m scared it’s a slow fade, and I’ve already started pre-grieving.

reposted with length of relationship in title.

my gf is making me feel unwanted. she dismisses me, makes me feel like she’s irritated to be around me, and treats me passive aggressively.
when i address it, it very often gets turned back onto me.

my tone is wrong, the way i bring it up is wrong, or she finds a way to insult me for the way im trying to resolve an issue.

the thing is, im very careful with my wording, and i try to be extremely careful with my tonality even when im frustrated.

i use statements like:

“when you said this, i felt dismissed”
“when this happened, i felt like it was unfair to attack my character”

i know my tone isn’t perfect. but when i ask her to help me with specifics so that i can change it, she can’t give me any examples.

sometimes i get hollow apologies with no substance behind them, with no behavior changes.

she claims that she doesn’t mean to, that she can’t see it, etc. but i can tell a stark difference from how she used to treat me to now.

i’ve given her multiple opportunities to tell me what’s wrong but she reassures me that she wants the relationship.

she always tells me “nothing is wrong” when i check in with her.

she never comes back to repair after any disagreement we have, claiming she wants to just “let things blow over until it feels okay again”

i feel like im stuck in a dynamic where i can’t repair, i have to put up with being treated like im unwanted, and im insulted and given a moving target to fix my approach.

all while being reassured that she wants the relationship and doesn’t mean to make me feel unwanted.

i don’t know what to do. i’ve never had this issue with anyone else ive dated and im confused. is there something i can do to try to understand how to communicate better? i feel like im carrying all of the emotional labor in this relationship because of this, and feeling like im the only one trying to maintain the connection.

tl;dr: gf treats me poorly and then accuses me of having a bad tone or wording when i bring it up. we don’t repair and trying to talk to her about it is like pulling teeth. but she reassures me that she wants the relationship. i’m confused and wondering if im the problem.

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My girlfriend (26F) and I (27M) have been having increasingly difficult conversations about politics, empathy, morality, and our compatibility. She's very VERY passionate about social justice, inequality, and humanitarian causes (just in talk in my opinion) I care about these issues too, but I tend to approach them differently. I question policies, arguments, and proposed solutions rather than automatically agreeing with a particular ideological position.

I'm not saying my approach is necessarily better. I know I can be argumentative, and sometimes the way I question things might come across as dismissive or arrogant. That's something I'm willing to work on. But lately, our disagreements have become deeply personal. She has called me politically lukewarm and suggested that I lack empathy or humanitarian values. She frequently talks about how her friends are much more empathetic and socially conscious than I am.

And this is where things become incredibly painful for me

There was a period when she was going through an extremely difficult situation abroad. Her own family was treating her terribly, and her father was saying awful things about her. I traveled to another country to support her. I defended her against her family, despite being in an unfamiliar country and having a lot to lose. I went into debt for three months, suffered physical consequences, and ended up losing my job during that period. I was there because I loved her. I couldn't stand the thought of her going through all of that alone.

Meanwhile, from what I witnessed, the friends she now describes as more empathetic and humanitarian weren't there for her in any other way than talk.

Some of her male friends have also made comments about wanting to kiss her or draw her naked, which makes me uncomfortable for separate reasons. But I don't want this to become a competition between me and her friends.

What hurts is that I feel like my girlfriend judges my humanity primarily through my political opinions, while overlooking how I've actually treated her when she was at her most vulnerable. And here's the part that hurts even more.

When I've brought up what happened in the past, she has suggested that perhaps I helped her because I liked seeing her vulnerable and having some degree of control over her. She has also said she'll always be grateful for what I did.

I don't know how to reconcile those two things.

I never wanted her to owe me anything. I don't want gratitude to become a transaction, and I genuinely hate having to bring up what I did for her. It makes me feel sick to list my sacrifices as though I'm presenting receipts for my love. I wish I didn't have to mention any of it. Iwish the person who was there and witnessed everything could simply recognize what those actions meant to me.

Our problems aren't limited to politics, either.

When we argue, she tends to withdraw emotionally. She has told me that shutting down is how she protects herself and that she intends to keep doing it. I'm usually the one who reaches out afterward, tries to reconcile, initiates difficult conversations, and suggests ways we could work on our relationship. She says she's exhausted, that she has sacrificed a lot too, and that she doesn't see me making meaningful changes. I don't want to dismiss that. I believe she has her own pain and that I may not fully understand it. She has also told me that she no longer shares certain parts of herself with me and doesn't feel as emotionally connected as she used to.

The painful thing is that I feel similarly. I used to feel deeply loved, admired, and understood by her. Now I often feel like I have to defend my character to the person who should know me best.

We still love each other. Neither of us has said we want to break up.

I've suggested doing exercises together to rebuild emotional intimacy, improve communication, and learn how to disagree without hurting each other.

But I'm increasingly afraid that if I stopped initiating reconciliation, our relationship would simply fade away.

I'm not asking her to agree with my political opinions. I'm asking whether it's possible to disagree with someone's worldview without questioning their humanity or the sincerity of their love.

I also don't want to use my past sacrifices to invalidate her current feelings. I understand that doing something significant for someone doesn't make you immune to criticism or entitle you to a relationship.

But I don't know how to explain how deeply it hurts to feel morally judged by someone for whom I was willing to sacrifice so much.

I feel angry, exhausted, and increasingly resentful. And what scares me most is that I'm starting to lose the admiration I once had for her.

My questions are:

1. How can I communicate this hurt without making my sacrifices sound like emotional leverage?

2. How do couples rebuild mutual admiration when ideological disagreements have turned into judgments about each other's character?

3. Is it reasonable to expect both partners to initiate reconciliation, even when one needs more emotional space?

4. How do I distinguish between a relationship that can be repaired and one where we've fundamentally lost respect for each other?

I would especially appreciate perspectives that challenge my own behavior too. I don't want an echo chamber. I want to understand whether there's something I'm failing to see.

TL;DR: My girlfriend considers her politically aligned friends more empathetic and humanitarian than me, despite my having supported her through a major crisis at significant personal cost. She has also questioned whether my support was motivated by a desire for control. I hate bringing up my sacrifices because I never wanted anything in return, but I feel unseen and morally judged by someone I love. We also struggle with emotional withdrawal and one-sided reconciliation. How can we rebuild mutual respect without turning our relationship into a competition over who has sacrificed more?

TL;DR: I (19M) panicked and said yes when my friend (18F) asked if we were dating. I’m not attracted to her, and after 2 months she’s extremely attached and emotionally fragile. She’s alone in a new country with no real support system here. How do I break up with her as gently and safely as possible, and should I involve her friends or the university counselor beforehand?

Hi everyone. I need advice on how to break up with my girlfriend as gently as possible.

This fall I started my first semester at a US university as an international student. On the first day of the mandatory international student orientation, I met my now-girlfriend (18F). We’ve been together for almost 2 months.

Some context: we’re from the same country and are the only two students here from it (about 5 others speak our language). I’ve studied in the US before, but this is her first time living abroad, and she came pretty unprepared for a 9-month stay. For example, the only money she brought was on a non-American virtual card, so she could only use Apple Pay and couldn’t transfer money anywhere. On top of that, it’s hard to get USD out of our home country.

We clicked almost instantly, mostly because we spoke the same language and everything around her was new. We spent as much time together as possible, and I helped her settle in: getting a debit card, bedsheets, etc. I liked her, but as a friend. I’m not physically attracted to her, though her personality is adorable. She’s very innocent, almost childlike (nothing sexual meant): scared of every bug, genuinely thrilled by a squirrel or a sunset, the “awww, it’s so cuuute!” type. That kind of endless happiness is attractive in its own way.

About two weeks in, we were hanging out in my room after class (I live alone) when I took a ring off her finger and jokingly said, “Would you marry me?” I’d made that joke before, so I kind of walked into what happened next. She paused for a few seconds and asked something like “What are we?” or “Do you want to date me?” Neither of us had ever been in a relationship, and I panicked and said “kinda,” meaning yes.

As soon as she left that night, I regretted it, since I wasn’t attracted to her. But I didn’t know how to take it back, and I still found her personality interesting.

Since then she’s become extremely attached. She wants to be with me all day, and when I was busy finishing a late assignment, she got upset and cried several times a day (she was on her period at the time). Meanwhile, I’ve gotten more and more annoyed by that childlike side. It’s like her brain switches off around me: she makes very silly mistakes and says silly things (I don’t mean to sound like a hater, I just don’t know how else to describe it). She becomes extremely fragile at any hint that I don’t like her or don’t care.

I’m also good at putting on a happy face. I smile when I don’t feel like it and let her into my room when I’d rather be alone. I’m scared of how she’ll react to a breakup, that she’ll fall into depression and it’ll hurt her grades and her new remote job. I don’t care if people call me an asshole for pretending, but I know how fragile she is and that she won’t handle it well. She also doesn’t have anyone here close enough to properly support her.

(For what it’s worth, we haven’t slept together.)

So my questions:

How do I break up with her in the safest, softest way?

Is there anything I should do beforehand, like talk to her friends or let the university counselor know so they can keep an eye on her?

I recently started dating a coworker of mine in the midst of us both dealing with breakups.

She had just joined my job at the beginning of July and we found ourselves getting along very well, to the point when we had conversations they could go as long as a half hour and we needed other matters (like meetings) to occur to pull us apart. During the midst of our conversations I found out she had a long distance boyfriend that she had known since high school on the other side of the country, and my rocky, in hindsight abusive relationship was on the verge of ending. After the band aid finally came off on my side of things at the end of August, she was surprisingly very supportive, and I began to view her as a solid friend, deeming any potential romantic pretense as impossible. After a few weeks, in a conversation with another person, she revealed her relationship with her long distance boyfriend had ended recently (which I later learned had been on again off again for years due to him being unfaithful and she had been ready to call it quits for a while). Upon hearing that, I took the opportunity to give her my phone number, under the guise of being work related (which was a half truth, as most of our building communicates via text anyway), but as a way to hopefully talk to her more without our work day interrupting us. Initially I thought she just had breakup pity for me until we spent the next night texting until 2 AM, even though we both had to be at work at 8. The same thing happened the night after. After some kids teased her about her demeanor changing around me, we confirmed there were shared romantic feelings between us and she had interest since my breakup happened. We acknowledged that we were both still recovering from our separate relationships and very possibly each other's rebounds, so that we were both okay with taking things at whatever pace was necessary for us.

She was initially hesitant about spending time with me out of fear of getting either of us in trouble (even though we work in a school in separate areas and multiple married couples work in the building) to the point she avoided my office, so I began encouraging her to spend time with me outside of work. After much hesitation, we were finally able to. We weren't sure if we were gonna call it a hang out or a date until the chemistry was incredibly apparent and our date was 9 hours long. Since then, things between us have been going really well, and we're finding more and more things in common between us day by day and I already feel more secure with her in a thousand different ways compared to my last relationship. She's incredibly sweet, thoughtful, caring, and encouraging in ways I didn't know I could receive. In turn, she's realizing how unhealthy her past relationships were and that the things she wants (like her boyfriend making date plans) isn't asking for too much and is literally the bare minimum.

Things have been going so well that I've made connections with her family already. Her mom has actually been working at the job the same amount of time I have, so we've known each other for 4 years. Initially I was terrified of how her mom would react, but she was shockingly supportive. Once she learned about her daughter and I, she invited me over multiple times a week to spend time with me, like playing games together, eating dinner together, and going to the movies multiple times. It even hit a point where she grilled her daughter for not introducing me to her maternal grandparents yet, who I have since met, and have a good relationship with her toddler nephew (who screams my name and runs to me whenever he realizes I'm over). Even though her parents knew our past relationships were recent, they seemed incredibly encouraging of us being together. Her dad said I talked to him more than her ex boyfriend ever did in all the years they knew him, and we talk about our shared nerd hobbies and music. Her mom asks about me all the time, asks what I think of them, and constantly threw out ideas to support me with my recent move. She even goes as far as joking about grandkids whenever I'm over, and after my gf's paternal grandparents said they wished she was still with her ex, told me not to worry about it and they'd get over it. In fact, they both encouraged me to spend the night over at their house before (in said daughters room, which was shocking to me at the time) and there was no issue at all the one time I did so. They even mentioned that their other daughters ex boyfriend used to live with them so it was no big deal.

After my encouragement, she spent the past Friday and Saturday nights at my apartment, and all of a sudden, their tune has significantly changed. Sunday afternoon apparently her parents criticized her for moving too fast, and how that wasn't fair to me due to my breakup being so recent. Her father went so far as to call her some very demeaning labels and said that she was going to get me fired for being a distraction at work, which is absolutely insane considering he has zero idea how my job even functions (and we barely see each other during the work day regardless but that's besides the point). I went to one of my friends regarding the situation who was pretty encouraging in the beginning (and was initially criticizing me for not taking the lead and taking her out on a date or hooking up with her sooner like I wasn't doing literally that) and is now saying she's thought we've been moving too fast for a while now, but just says what I want to hear when I have my rose tinted glasses on. Two of my other female friends have been similarly critical.

I'm so frustrated because we were trying to take things slow until the people around us seemingly validated us going ahead, and now all of sudden it's wrong. On top of that, it seems like everyone is pointing the finger at her for being fast when I was the one pushing for us to talk more and spend more time together in the first place. If anything, be mad at me.

I'm convinced the shift with her parents is because, as I recently learned, they're dealing with some relationship issues themselves and their anniversary is coming up, so I bet the time alone with their daughters out of the house made things more hostile between them and they took it out on my girlfriend. Considering she said she felt bad for being so happy while everyone else in the house was stressed in the days leading up, and she routinely tends to feel like her happiness results in bad things for everyone else, I feel like there has to be some rooted connection there and her parents have a habit of doing this.

Anyway, I'm posting this because while my girlfriend says her opinion on our relationship hasn't changed at all, I find myself overthinking and my confidence shaken slightly. My last relationship I was incredibly hesitant most of the way through because of multiple things that concerned me early on, and as soon as I threw caution to the wind I got myself in an incredibly unhealthy situation. This time I'm not seeing any warning signs like I noticed and ignored before, but now I'm scared if I'm just not seeing them or I'm riding the high of being liked so intensely that I'm moving before I'm fully healed.

TLDR: Was taking things slow with a coworker due to us being fresh out of relationships until her parents were incredibly supportive. Suddenly very critical after she spent the night at my apartment that I recently moved into. The shift is starting to make me second guess my comfort in moving forward with things.

tl;dr. I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for almost four years. Just recently, he said he has been going through some things and decided it was better if he push me away and take a break. No explanation, no information about his issues, he just needs a break. I would never force him to tell me anything, but it is better for him to push me away during this time? We were having constant arguments for a few weeks, but a few days prior to the break I pushed it all aside and only focused on his feelings.

I haven't been in contact with him for almost a week and I am conflicted on what to do. I don't even know if we are still together. Its killing me everyday not knowing where we stand and whether or not i'm waiting on nothing. As this being my first relationship, I don't know if this is something that is "normal" or just a roadway to a breakup. If I do contact him, what would be the right thing to say? I don't want to make this all about our relationship, as I understand he is going through some things. As he is the one who requested this break, is it even a good idea to contact him; or do I wait for him to talk first?

I (27F) started dating my boyfriend (35M) at the end of June. Before we met he had just come out of a 4 year relationship where he was engaged to be married. His ex ended the relationship around January or February, so he had only been single for about 4-5 months when we started talking.

When we first started dating everything was lovely. He was affectionate, funny, always making me laugh and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. We got along really well and we were both looking for something serious that would eventually lead to marriage.

Around August I had a conversation with him because I was worried he wasn’t emotionally ready for another relationship. I told him I didn’t want to get attached to someone and develop feelings only to find out later that they weren’t emotionally available. He reassured me that he was ready, that he liked me and wanted to give the relationship a proper chance. So I trusted him and continued getting to know him.

Fast forward to October, I started noticing changes in him. He wasn’t the same cheerful, affectionate and confident person I met. He seemed more withdrawn, less enthusiastic and sometimes I felt like I was the one trying to keep the emotional connection going.

We recently had a conversation about how things were going and he admitted that he feels broken and doesn’t know if he’s capable of loving someone again. He said he wants to be with me, enjoys spending time with me and doesn’t want to lose what we have, but he doesn’t understand why he feels this way.

The thing is I’ve developed genuine feelings for him and I love him. I don’t expect him to love me just because I love him, everyone develops feelings differently and I’m okay with that. What hurts is that I raised this exact concern two months ago and he reassured me that he was ready.
I suggested we take a break with no communication so he can figure out what he wants and I can also have time to reflect. He didn’t want us to separate but understood why I felt it was necessary.

Now I’m feeling so many things at once. I miss him, I still love him, but I’m also angry and disappointed. A part of me feels like I should have listened to my instincts earlier. I don’t think he intentionally led me on, I genuinely believe he thought he was ready, but that doesn’t change how much this hurts.

I’m also questioning whether I would be able to trust him again if he came back saying he was ready.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the person who wasn’t emotionally ready or the person on the receiving end?

Can someone genuinely believe they’re ready for a relationship and then realise months later they’re not? And if you did reconcile, how did you rebuild that trust?

TL;DR: I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 35M. We started dating 4-5 months after his 4 year relationship and engagement ended. I questioned whether he was emotionally ready and he reassured me he was. Four months later he says he feels broken and doesn’t know if he can love again. We’ve decided to take a break and I’m struggling with whether I could trust him again if he comes back.

AI has been used to put wording together but it was roughly written by me.

TL;DR: I left my abusive husband after our relationship changed drastically following marriage, but I still miss the affectionate person he was before the abuse began. His intermittent apologies, requests for forgiveness, and attempts to reconnect make it difficult to let go. I recognize the cycle of affection, abuse, and remorse but I am still struggling with the urge to go back and wondering whether the loving version of him was ever real.

I (36F) and my husband (36M) were together for around eight months, including courtship and marriage, and lived together continuously for about two months. Things changed drastically after marriage. His behavior became abusive, and I eventually had to leave.

What confuses me most is that, even after everything that happened, I still find myself thinking about going back. I know how unhealthy and hurtful the relationship became, yet emotionally, I am struggling to let go. I cry so much and think about the time before marriage when he was so affectionate and respectful toward me. I miss that man so badly, and I keep wondering whether that version of him was real or whether the man I experienced later was the real him. Even after I left, I did not see any drastic change in him immediately. Since then, there has been a pattern of intermittent contact. I have blocked him, unblocked him, and tried not to communicate with him, but he sporadically calls or texts me. Sometimes he expresses regret and remorse for how he treated me, asks for forgiveness, or requests another chance. At other times, he asks me to give him closure, reply to his messages, or talk to him. Sometimes, it feels as though he is asking me to give him hope that we might reconcile.

During the relationship, there was a similar cycle of affection and abuse. He would show love, then become abusive, and afterward, there would be regret and attempts to make things right. This pattern repeated itself. I think what makes it particularly difficult is that, despite knowing what I experienced, a part of me still wants to believe that things could be different. I find myself thinking about the possibility of going back, even though I know why I left. Even while writing it here, I’m sobbing and thinking about it all. I also wonder why I am struggling so much to see the truth.

Does he also feel the same intensity of emotions and attachment toward me like I do? Has anyone experienced something similar? Why can it be so difficult to let go of a relationship that was abusive, even when you recognize the pattern? How do you deal with the urge to go back, especially when the other person sometimes blames you for what happened and sometimes expresses remorse and asks for another chance?

My girlfriend (23F) has been struggling a lot with depression lately, a lot because of university, and so have I (23F). Every time she has a setback with studying she comes to me and tells me about it (as she should) but she’s also been saying that I’m not comforting her well enough.

In which, i do have to agree. Comforting has never been my strongest thing because I’ve went my whole life not being comforted so it’s hard for me to repay that. Usually when she tells me what she’s struggling with, I respond with “i get that” “what can I do to help” you get the gist. She has told me that she wants to feel validated and listened to but I feel like I have been doing that but not to her standards, I’m guessing.

I understand what she’s going through but I don’t know what to say to her to make her feel a bit better. I know no one wants to hear constant “it’ll get better” or “you’ve got this”, it gets annoying.

Is this worth continuing our relationship? It’s been two years and I love her deeply and she does too. Are these the types of ups and downs we should power through?

TL;DR: Girlfriend says I can’t comfort her well enough and I don’t know how to

So to start, my partner is not good with feelings. He's not good with his or other people's (he thinks it might be autism). And I understand that, but I've been having a small problem with it recently. We've been together 1 year and 7 months.

Recently, no matter what I tell him, almost everything that sounds like slight complaining (how I hate a class, I'm hungry, I'm tired, things like that), or even when I try to vent, it's all been met with an 'I'm sorry' and nothing more. It's genuinely starting to piss me off because whenever he gets upset, or anything of the sort, I try my best to comfort him, give him solutions, or even give him other things to think about. But when it comes to me I'm starting to feel like he's just using the apology as a quick way to get out of actually having to comfort me.

I've literally seen him comfort our friends better than he has me, and it's upsetting because I'm his partner, I'm the one who he said he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with, but he makes me feel like I can't come to him for things because all I'll get is an apology I don't want. Even the other day, I was bawling my eyes out about my deceased grandma and childhood dog who both died this year. He gave me a quick hug, an apology, and then he tried to show me funny videos. I would've laughed if it was maybe something stupid, like if I was crying for no reason. But it feels like he doesn't take me seriously.

I need help on how to talk to him about it. Like I mentioned earlier, he's not good with emotions, so if I try to go head first into it I might upset him a lot. I need a way to bring it up without risking something happening, please 💔 I want to try and fix this because I do love him and I really do care about him, I just can't take this anymore.

TLDR; Partner apologizes way too much, I don't feel like I'm being taken seriously. I need help talking to him without accidentally causing more problems

I’m 16 F and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now- (also 16 F) starting in freshman year and we’re juniors now.

I love him a lot. We have been through a lot. We met in middle school, and he saw me with a guy that really treated me wrongly. Despite that he supported me and eventually he moved and we parted ways in highschool. I then sent him a text back mid-way into freshman year and we hit it off again. I realized how much he liked me and I grew my love for him.

We’re here now, I’ve met his whole family and he’s met mine, we’ve been through so much and experienced different things together. I know I want. him to be mine forever. I imagine being with him as adults and just really really happy together.

He doesn’t have any other cons other than the fact of well- he doesn’t spend time with me or check up on me. And to some people that’s fine, but to me I desire quality time. I thrive on small messages asking how I am and check ups- it makes me feel heavily appreciated. And I’m finding out more and more that I really do love him more than me.

And I’m okay with me loving him more, but it’s just the fact that he really doesn’t check up on me and we have been barely finding time for eachother.

I find myself waiting for him, to get home, but then he has something else, and then something else. And no update the whole time until night time.

And you might be thinking how did I survive this whole way like this? I didn’t! When we met of course we had so much more time together but now actually getting into college related stuff and I have a job, it just seems like we don’t have time. Our schedules don’t mix.

And you also might be thinking- oh this is such an easy fix. But it isn’t. We tried meeting in the middle and finding a day where we can call and just chit chat but it seems to never work and I’m just…tired

It hurts me a lot. It really does. My heart aches and when I call him and try to tell him how I feel well- he’s actually too tired. And that hurts even more. Because he just is physically exhausted but I’m mentally exhausted and I feel like I’m just too much for him.

I’m someone who loves hard and it just feels like I’m not appreciated anymore and I don’t know what to do anymore other than to tell him. I mean as I type this I told him how I wish he texted me about an update instead of just no contact until he’s actually free. He’s the one who goes quiet when there’s some type of conflict and he got quiet, and I asked if he understood my POV and he said “yes I do” and I asked what he’s doing and he just said he’s really tired trying to sleep.

I feel so bad. And I know I’m still young and have so much to look forward too but I really fucking love him. It’s just I see no point if he treats me so well and spoils me, and when we see eachother in person it’s really fun.

Also, we don’t go to the same school so afterschool talks are really the only time we have together. Furthermore I have strict Asian parents that only allow me to see him once a month.

And I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this but I also don’t know why I should suffer when I’m still so young. Imagine I break up with him later that’ll be worse.

But I think what really just gets me in the end is that he isn’t really that hurt by being apart. He even told me himself that he can go weeks without talking and I know a healthy relationship is being able to live without eachother but damn. Like what? It’s just. It hurts a lot. I desire to talk to you everyday and of course I can survive but, wow.

Anyway let me know what you guys think. Advice to move forward!. I wanna know what yall think tho, thanks! Anything you guys would have to say is appreciated

TL;DR I’m 16 years old and need advice on what I should take as the next steps with my almost 2 year relationship with my bf (who is also 16) I feel like I’m not appreciated and I feel alone.

My poor mother. My younger sister who has kids and is old enough to know better uses my mom but disrespects her any chance she gets.

She sends a text in a group chat and calls her by her first name. Doesn't call her mom.

Makes fun of my mom for making less than she does.

Her and her husband and kids don't even acknowledge my mom and get togethers. Doesn't say hi.

But whenever she needs something she calls my mom. My mom helped her buy groceries. She told her only $200 but she put $400 worth of food in the cart.

In spite of all this, my mom still reaches out. They're going to out to eat at a restaurant this weekend.

I hate seeing my mom be used and disrespected at the same time from an ungrateful, resentful, unappreciative, bratty middle aged woman. I have told my mother this.

I have stopped communicating with this sibling but should I stay out of this from here on out? I have already tried to talk some sense into my mom. I guess the motherly love is so strong that even this blatant level of toxicity can be overlooked. Thoughts?

tl;dr Sibling only reaches out mother when she needs something, otherwise, she treats her like crap. Am I right in trying to protect mom from this predator or should I stay out of it?

I am a [29F] and my boyfriend is a [30M]. He’s voiced that since we have known each other (about a year and half now), I have not been vocal about how I view him. That I have not voiced how attractive I find him or how much I adore him. That, simply saying I love you or that “you look cute” is not enough. That saying “you look cute” is something someone says to a coworker. He feels like it has forced him to compare our relationship to his ex, which only ended after families disagreed. His last relationship, as he states, consisted of an amazing friendship and an amazing desire which was constantly verbalized on both ends. That he always felt appreciated and loved and desired. It seems that their communication was absolutely amazing, that they constantly were able to verbalize how they made each other feel.

I’ve constantly struggled with expressing my feelings, whether it’s been in a relationship or with friendships. It’s not that I do not feel attracted to him, that I don’t value him, that I don’t adore him, that I don’t feel an immense amount of pride when I think of him, it’s not that I don’t find his strength, resilience, discipline incredibly attractive or as something I look up to, I’ve just lacked verbalizing this. And now, we’re talking marriage, and he feels like he’s voiced this before, and it isn’t fair to him to be in a relationship in which he can’t experience what he’s felt before. He now feels like if I say something, it’s forced and inauthentic because of how much he’s had to verbalize or point it out.

I mean the things that I’m trying to now say to him. I’m now hyper-cognizant of the fact that I’ve only ever internalized these thoughts instead of communicating them with him. I genuinely am incredibly lucky to have him in my life. But more so, he’s an incredible person. He’s kind, he’s passionate, he’s thoughtful, he’s resilient, he’s introspective, he’s generous, he makes everyone around him feel absolutely loved and of importance, he’s, considerate and understanding and attentive, he’s genuinely one of the most amazing people that I have met. He’s been through so much in life and he’s walked out as such an incredible human being that it’s admirable. I genuinely am struggling finding the right words here because everything I’ve listed I feel like is doing an injustice to who he is as a person.

He feels lonely, and rightfully so. The person who should be making him feel incredibly loved and desired and cared for isn’t doing her part. On top of that, we are long distance which has really affected us. I just fear that it may have come to a point for him in which it’s too late to change anything, and I don’t want my struggle with expressing myself overtake how I truly feel about him. I am constantly thinking of him, constantly admiring him, constantly proud of him, and I just want him to feel it.

We are planning to get married in March and I just don’t want him to feel like he’s stuck with me. I know in person, I’d be able to show him more of how I feel. But how can I implement this change now with the distance? How can I make him feel completely loved and desired and secure about us? What has made you feel loved?

Like I’ve done little things as order him food or drinks that I know he enjoys, or I try to call when I know he’s eating dinner so that I can keep him company, or I try to sit in his corner while he’s gaming to be there with him, things I thought showed my care for him, but these are not enough and not exactly the love languages I think he feels I’m lacking in.

TLDR; my [29F], boyfriend [30M], soon to be fiancé, hasn’t felt properly loved and desired by me, and I want to change that without feeling disingenuous, inauthentic, or forced. How do I do this, with long distance being an issue?

Hi yall! I just wanted to come on here and ask some advice from those who might have dealt with this in the past. I (18F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (18M) for about 9 months. Ive been really struggling throughout our relationship because I go through stages where even being physically near him makes me so overwhelmed and I just feel like i NEED to get away from him. Im diagnosed bipolar so im aware that comes into it a bit, but this never happened with my last boyfriend who I was with for almost a year. I love him to death but I just cant deal with him sometimes and in these moments, I'm not only struggling to be around him but I can tend to start ignoring his texts, hanging out less, and getting sort of icked out by him.

He's the best boyfriend to me and these stages only last a couple days-weeks at a time, but i struggle so much with the mental part because I don't think he should be with someone who doesn't like him sometimes. Its not only being around him that upsets me, but its everything. up to and including his looks. Im not sure if I just hold some resentment for him because at one point he kind of accused me of cheating on him and it quite upset me. there doesn't seem to be a trigger for these episodes and usually talking to someone about them helps, but its so difficult to tell ANYONE around me what I feel because he literally treats me amazing and It's such a shitty thing to feel about such an amazing person. Please any advice from someone a little more saged than me would help so much. Im very new to the relationship thing and life in general so I just don't know what to do. Thanks!

TLDR; Icked out by boyfriend (sometimes) advice needed.

I’ve (25f) been in my relationship for 2yrs (partner 30m) and we’re about to have a baby together. (9 weeks so far). Its 1 am and I just had a realisation that there’s certain things I want from him that I’m not sure if they’ll ever change. for example he doesn’t really like pda and I do, I like getting a peck here and there regardless of whether or not it’s in private or public, especially when I’m not the initiator. he knows because I would ask for a kiss and he’d first check the coast before awkwardly and quickly doing it. on the other hand he recently took me for a spa treatment, (which is nice and I’m very grateful) but he had recently made a friend who is the owner of a spa and had a deep conversatio with him and mentioned that he’s doing it because he’s supporting the friend rather than it being a gift to me. I don’t think I really ask for much(which is another thing I keep thinking about - should I become more ‘complainy’ or nag about stuff if I want them to get done alternatively from what Ive been doing- and so I do appreciate it when stuff does happen.

we also had a tiff a few weeks ago where he ended specifically saying ‘ I don’t think you can give me the romance I want’, because of messages he saw between myself and a friend of mine. and I think ever since then it’s been on my mind and I don’t know how to feel about it.

A few days ago something else happened where one of his female neighbours came around (we don’t fully live together, I visit often) -according to his brother- and told him that he was looking for him. He (my partner) did come and tell me and I tried getting more information like why she needed him specifically when her man his brothers and other men were around and available, trying to establish the kind of relationship they had, but I couldn’t get proper answers

before that I was super excited to have this baby and believed I could finally start my family with the man I love but now im not Feeling as confident as I did. I haven’t spoken to him yet because it feels like a recurring conversation, that I’m not tired of having, maybe embarrassed to keep having to have or at least initiating.

**TL;DR** I do honestly love him but I’m not sure if he feels the same or is just sticking around for the baby

tl;dr he is texting his old friend and lying to me about it.

i created a new account so he cant see. we have been together for 2 years. and throughout the relationship ive noticed that he liked to keep some stuff to himself and sometimes he never tells me anything. bc of this reason i became super insecure and went through his messages where i found some sad stuff. we had a convo abt it and he apologized. i promised myself i would never do it again.

the other day i was in his room playing when he got a notification that mentioned my name on discord. and that intrigued me bc i had no idea who this person was. so i started paying attention to the notifications that popped up. translating them even since we are not from the same country. turns out he is talking to his ex friend that he cut ties with bc they were terrible people (they introduced him to drugs etc) and he plans to hang out with him.

today he told me he was gonna play with someone. when i asked who he made up a story abt how he met this certain person named (ill use a fake name but its the same name the dude has) Sam. when i said oooo can i see Sam he very quickly said no.

i feel super heartbroken. when my ex friend reached out the first person who i told it to was him. i dont know. should i talk to him abt it? is this normal? :(

TL;DR: I (21F) unexpectedly developed a huge crush on my orthodontist, who seems to tick a lot of my boxes. I'm planning to ask him out once my braces are removed in a few months, but I'm wondering if I'm getting ahead of myself, especially since we're at different stages of life and I still have my own academic ambitions to pursue.

I was referred to a new dentist after moving to another city. I wasn't nervous or anything nor did i have any particular expectations as i've been to multiple dentists since i was very young.

But somehow, this time felt different. My orthodontist was younger than i had expected. I first started noticing him when i realised how attentive he was to the little things I did or said. Plus, his well shaped eyebrows and dark eyes added to my growing interest in him.

He was chatty but nothing personal. I raised concerns about my treatment and he addressed them. This is also the first time i am comfortable and could actually hold a proper conversation with my dentist. It was a refreshing change from my previous experiences, where i often felt that my concerns weren't really being heard. He also holds a Master's degree and just graduated PhD in Orthodontic which might explain his expertise and how good he is at what he does, i can tell he is passionate. I'm currently in my third year of Electrical Engineering and interestingly enough, i realised that i had actually seen him before back in 2024, when i was referred to him for an appointment too

The thing is, I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling that I might never meet someone quite like him again. I admit that i have sky high standards when it comes to relationships. He's from the same hometown as me and is also a Christian (from his WhatsApp bio) and i deliberately chose not to look him up too much online because i wanted to respect his privacy and maintain the boundaries of our dentist-patient dynamic (btw i have an excellent internet stalking skill)

Still, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. He's been on my mind every single day.

So, here's my plan.

I'll be getting my braces removed in a few months and during my final appointment, i'm thinking of asking whether he's seeing anyone. If he's single, i might just gather the courage to ask him out for a movie. (Considering how i found out that he is juggling between 5 clinics and 2 hospitals, i doubt he has time for a date)

I know i'm probably getting ahead of myself, considering how much i've been thinking about someone i barely know. But given his age and how accomplished he is, he's probably already at a stage in life where he's looking for someone to settle down with (not immediately i hope).

As for me, I have ambitions of my own. I hope to pursue a PhD in the UK (next 3-4 years). At the same time, marriage and children are things I genuinely envision for my future.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, although I'm still young and have so much i want to accomplish, i'm not opposed to the idea of building a meaningful relationship with someone who shares similar values and long-term goals.