I can’t stop thinking about how I spent my twenties, constantly battling the thought: "If I had just had the courage to get out of my comfort zone and change things earlier, my twenties would have looked completely different."

I stayed way too long in a toxic friend group. I struggled with an alcohol and drug problem. On paper, it looked like I was living it up—going on vacations, hitting festivals, and going out all the time. But I wasn't making good memories. Most of them were just blackouts driven by pure escapism. Every sign in my body told me I needed to change, but I was to afraid to leave my comfort zone.

It makes me so deeply sad. I’ve never been in a relationship. My early twenties were swallowed by COVID, and after that, things just went downhill as I stayed tethered to toxic environments. Before all of that, my life felt great. My conscience keeps telling me to change, but the grief over lost time is agonizing.

Last year, I finally took the leap: I moved away and started therapy. At least I'm almost finished with my part-time college degree now, but still... the haunting stays.

People often romanticize partying too much in your youth, but when it’s pure escapism, it isn't even fun. It’s just running away. I carry so much regret because I didn't make meaningful memories, didn't date much, and let fear run the show. I kissed lots of people and slept with a few, but almost always while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I even blew real chances at getting a relationship because I kept self-sabotaging. It is extremely painful.

How do I cope with this? How do you forgive your past self for wasting years you can never get back?

It’s not that I was depressed or anything every single day. It’s just that I made way too few memories.

These thoughts suddenly resurfaced over the past few weeks. Before this, I wasn't really dwelling on it. Is it possible this is coming up now because I'm lacking certain things in the present?

Maybe things weren't even that bad back then—I did have good moments, after all. And these thoughts are suddenly hitting me because I'm afraid of missing out on things now, or because of my current situation. I honestly don't know anymore.

I’ll admit it: I’m bitter. I’m bitter about a lot of things. Losing my late teens and most of my twenties to poor physical and mental health, being ousted from the education field after only three years after spending nearly a decade trying to become a teacher, losing my car, friends and family deserting me when I needed support, losing out on employment opportunities due to my autism and anger issues, and seeing all my old classmates living the lives I thought I would have by now and fearing that I may never have it at all. I really don’t know how to deal with this. Anyone got some advice?

moved last week. it used to be 50 min on the train each way and now its a 12 minute walk past a petrol station and a dentist

so thats over an hour a day i just got handed. i had plans for it, i was going to do gym before work and cook actual food instead of whatever

what actually happened is i get home at 5:40 instead of half 6 and its still 11pm somehow and i couldnt tell you what i did. havent been to the gym once. thursday i ate cereal for dinner standing next to a box that says KITCHEN 2 which i still havent opened

i kind of miss the train. i read on it cause there was no signal and nothing else to do. now theres signal everywhere and the book's in one of the boxes

has anyone else had time handed to them like this, shorter commute or a job ending or whatever? where did yours go

Hey everyone,

Some context for my question but not necessary to read. Last night my boyfriend had a conversation with me about my self esteem and jealousy. I do have issues with jealousy (most likely stemming from prior relationships, I’ve been serial cheated on and was in a DV situation about 5 years ago) but I have been trying to consistently work on myself and thought I was at a decent spot. He basically told me that despite my best efforts to hide it, he can tell when I am feeling jealous and he has felt a lot of internal pressure to limit the things he does to avoid hurting me. I had no idea this was happening. He has been limiting the types of shows he watches, who he hangs out with, etc all to avoid me feeling bad. I feel terrible about this. I have never told him outright to not do certain things and I encourage him to hang out with whoever because I do trust him and I know the feelings of jealousy I have are not rooted in anything real. I obviously do not want to be a controlling person and I am so upset and embarrassed that I have been controlling him without knowing. He has never done anything to break my trust and he is genuinely a great partner, this is entirely me and my thoughts causing this. I really do not want to ruin a relationship with a great guy because I can’t control my jealousy as well as I thought I could. For me and for him I want to be better and not have these emotions be as strong. I have been to therapy in the past and I have not had a great experience (my therapist told me I’m the perfect girl on paper but when men get to know me they realize I’m not perfect at all and that’s why they cheat or hit me because of the disappointment) so I’m not very keen on seeing a professional.

I’m looking for resources such as books/podcasts/activities that have helped others overcome jealousy that might help me to overcome it as well.

Thanks everyone <3

I’m 23 and a boy 

It’s hard to admit, but I do feel insufficient when it comes to having a partner, dating and all that...

Although I do very well financially, I have my own car and practically maintain my house, I feel very little to flirt with girls of my age.

I’ve never had a girlfriend and the last attempt I made was with a girl who took advantage of my nobility and I clung to my ass for a couple of months to pay her lunch dates without even trying to make her interested in me, nor even a kiss or anything from her but she was so lacking in self-love that I was content with that at the time. At least it didn’t last long, just 2 months and then I sent her alv.

The point is that I currently make good money, dress well and take care of myself physically but ps it’s like I lack those social skills to pull my lips and tie what kills me.

I see my other friends who have less money than me and get attached to girls, go out partying and manage to catch and everything... And I, who even had to pay money to get some intimacy for the first time with a prostitute... That really has been my most critical point and I’m really concerned.

My life is about working and studying. I have very little time left to socialize, and that affects me the most because it’s a routine I’ve had for years.

I want to change my life, my habits, my mindset, my appearance, everything. I want to grow so much that even people who have known me barely recognise the person I've become.

I want to become shameless, but not in an evil way. I want to speak my mind without overthinking how people will perceive me. I want to do things my way without constantly seeking approval or feeling guilty for not meeting everyone's expectations.

I want to stop making myself smaller just to make other people comfortable. I want to be kind without being a people-pleaser, confident without being arrogant, and independent without feeling the need to explain every decision I make.
I know there's a version of me I haven't met yet, and I want to discover her.

For those who have genuinely reinvented themselves, what changed when you stopped living according to other people's expectations? Did you lose people along the way, and was becoming your authentic self worth it?

Im just tired. Tired of feeling so alone and lonley.

I feel like I'll never have and that I am incapable of a romantic relationship working. Finally after 4 years of no interest or affection, managed to date someone. Really thought there might have been a future. Things were great for the first month. All the affection and how much she wanted me. Then it just stopped. She got distant, cold, critical and controlling. She ended the relationship weeks before she told me. And then just went on as if none of meant anything or mattered.

Last night I saw pictures of her tagged, out doing things and Ive been in a depression ever since.

I keep ending up with women where it stsrts off so good and It feels so good and then its like the mask falls and they are mean, controlling, no empathy. I become so afraid to speak up or have boundaries because im terrified theyll leave and then maybe itll be another 4 years before someone comes along.

I got clean off all the drugs. Turned things around. Have a job I dont dread going to, im in school, exercising frequently, have some friends in my life, yet I feel so alone and incapable of being loved by a woman. It hurts seeing other men and couples.

Life was different with her. Loved hanging out in a different city and doing different things. Now its just back to the way it was.

I look at my sister and her little boy and how much I love him and yet so afraid that'll never happen for me. Im 32 now and the anxiety, depression, and pressure keep building. I wanted to give my mom a grandchild.

I dont know why its so easy for people to throw me away. I try my very best to be a good person. I was good to her. Said she dated people that cheated and abused her. Thats not me and I tried to show her that.

I dont know whats wrong with me, how to fix it, how to have a relationship or how to be in one. They never stick around long.

I should be happy. Not using drugs anymore and living that life. It just gets really lonely. I have no idea how to be better. I feel like one of those people that nobody would even know they are gone.

Thanks if anyone read. Been a bad few months. Just tired.

I am always depressed and always do negative self talk can you pls recommend something that change my mind

I was not promoted internally after trying 4 times over 2 years while I burned out in the role I was in.

I was interviewing for a BDR cold calling role at a big company.

I was the only one who didn’t get it continuously out of probably 50+ people who joined the company even after me.

My mind tells me I did something wrong or they saw I was not a fit for the team and came up with any excuse in the feedback not to hire me.

I know now I’m on the autistic spectrum and I was so resentful and sad and anxious when it all happened.

I knew I had a different communication style and they saw that I wasn’t naturally the same as everyone else who did these interviews.

I try everyday to forgive them and show them love and myself too.

I want to forgive them and move on with my life.

I started life as a lonely, weak child with no father and serious self-esteem issues. My mother was an alcoholic. At the age of 12, I was identified as gifted because of my verbal intelligence. Everyone who met me talked about how much potential I had and how bright my future was going to be. I attended a school for gifted children, but I could never keep up with the others when it came to hard work, and I was expelled at 16.

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 20. My memories up until the age of 22 are gone, partly because of the antipsychotics I was taking and partly because I simply had no life. The years between 22 and 25 (today) have been nothing but abusing opioids and alcohol in the trap houses of strangers.

I've been clean from drugs for the past eight months, but I'm still struggling with alcohol addiction and trying to taper off. Quitting cold turkey could send me into delirium tremens, and in the country I live in, if you're a poor junkie like me, professional help is unaffordable. So I have to figure everything out on my own.

At 25, I'm painfully aware that I've fallen far behind, that I've missed out on my youth, and that I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom at my mother's house, watching everyone my age surpass me. But I feel as though I've finally woken up, and I can't turn back time. First, I need to build a life for myself. Then, I need to forgive the person I used to be, which will be much harder, even if I manage the first part.

Honestly, I don't know if I can do it, because I feel like I've never accomplished anything in my life. But I know I have no other choice, and I know I don't want to die this way.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess putting these things into words here, things I could never bring myself to confess to anyone, makes me feel a little better.

All my life people have been feeling me how nice I am. but that’s the word they use, nice, not kind. I’ve recently become more aware of the difference between the two and I realize that I don’t want to just be nice, I want to be kind, like truly genuinely kind. I’ll start by saying that I am not a nice person by nature. Most definitely not. I get annoyed and frustrated so easily but I’ve always tried to keep it inside. If I’m mad at someone, then I’ll talk about it in my head. I know that tolerance turns to resentment but most of the time I’m but to talk about it to myself and then let it wash away so I don’t think I really have any resentment. If I seem patient or like someone who never gets angry it’s because I’ve basically trained myself to be that way. It’s not an inherent quality. And I feel like I give off the appearance that I am in fact angry or annoyed but i guess no one seems to notice it. Maybe I’m better at hiding it than i thkught. I think a huge part of why I act the way that I do is because I don’t want people to think that mean. So if that’s my whole case than how can I ever truly be good. How can I be kind if all my actions are done solely so I can achieve that title. If feels like every time I try to get closer to being genuinely kind, I just get further and further away. To the point that I don’t even know if my actions are genuine or fake anymore. I don’t want to be a bad person, I want to be good, and gentle and compassionat. Sorry for this being so long but thank you for reading :)

Anyone else dealing with carrying on-ward dead friendships? I am so used to being ignored by people and being left on read. I almost expect it now. I am going to give it till the end of the year and then I am going on an unfriending spree. I realized that part of my misery is keeping around bad company. I am constantly put on hold and treated like an after thought. Always the one who cares more and puts in more effort than they should. So I will give this a couple more months of reasonable time, then I am going to consider those connections dead. At first, I thought maybe I should keep them on my friend list and level up my life, but then I'd just be stuck in this loop of trying to prove my worth to them and to prove that they were wrong about me. I'd be centering their approval too much. So I am just deciding that I am no longer keeping around bad company and will unfriend relationships that feel like they make me question where I stand with them.

Hey good people of the internet, I am looking for some advice on how to control my nerves because I easily get all shaky when in any situation when I am doing something in front of people. Be it anything. A small task like talking back in a situation when I need to, and I know I am not doing anything wrong and just talking but if I know people are watching and there’s a chance to mess up I’ll start shaking. My face starts feeling hot, environment becomes hot and tense, and time movies slow. I also start feeling shortness of breath, and a strong urge to just escape the environment. This has been a problem for me for years now.

Feel free to skip any part of this post and read whatever you want to. I am dividing it by paragraphs in sections to give a better picture, because I am serious about getting help for this.

Please help with some good advice. I really want to improve.

Let me tell you a recent example, today’s example:

I was at my shop. I don’t sit all times there. It’s my parents shop, I just go there to help, so I was alone today. A customer comes and gives me 5 product to gift wrap. It’s an easy task which I have done several times before, and something I do better than my parents sometimes because for me it’s really easy, doesn’t require much skill. So, this customer is younger girl, and I don’t feel any emotion towards her. I am mentioning this because my reaction changes based on who is watching me. For first 2 items I pack this girl leaves the shop to do something else, so everything is pretty smooth at that time, and I don’t even think about anything related to nervousness. Now after 2 items are done, she comes back with her brother and sits in front watching me pack the items, and something just happens inside me. Both of them are watching me, and all of sudden I am thinking why am I starting to lose control. Why my hands are starting to shake all of a sudden? I try to keep calm, and think myself it’s not a big deal. I have done this several times, and just focus on my breathing, but as time pass I lose my control more and more. I am trying my best to not look scared, or show that I am shaking by making fast movements. I also give them some tasks so they can look away from me. Like I give them name slips and tell them to place it on their items wherever they want. Then I give them decorating flowers, and tell them to make it and place it, while I do that on other items. I basically ask my customers to do the job that I was supposed to do, so I can hide my nervousness. Those 1-2 minutes felt really long, and while I was trying my best to control my breathing I couldn’t. I tried my best to just focus on what I was supposed to. Once I almost messed up by leaving very little wrapping on one side, and as soon as I catch this fact I get more nervous. I charged them less because I made them work, and when they left I just sat on my chair collecting myself. I had somehow made it work, but I was almost caught shaking. I was on the edge of giving up, and telling them that I can’t do it. It’s good thing I gave them something to do, because I was about to tell them I am not feeling well and I just can’t do it.

Some other examples where I can’t control my shaking:

When I stopped playing a game because I was shaking in front of a friend:

So few years ago my friend was having trouble beating a boss or fight in batman arkham asylum. When I went to his home for a regular friendly visit, which was almost daily during that time, he asked me to finish the fight for him. He was a new gamer, and I have a good experience with games, so I sat on his computer and started playing, and I played bit too well, like I always do when I am alone. I was nicely commenting on what I was doing, and what he was supposed to do while doing everything flawlessly, and during this time I suddenly realised that I am playing flawlessly, and that’s when everything started falling apart. My hands started shaking on the keyboard. While the game was too easy for me, my new objective was to keep my hands from shaking and it took just about 10 seconds, and I left the fight at like 90% or something and told him that that’s how you do it and I will not do it because I want him to do it himself. Then I stood up and went to the bathroom wondering what the hell had happened to me there.

Shaking when asking normal customer questions at a service center:

So this was just a year ago, I went to a service center to get my motherboard replaced but the girl sitting there denied it for some reason, and boom, shaking starts again. Because I am standing in front of like 8-9 people and asking some basic questions like why? What can I do? Questions like these. I called the company’s customer support, and I had to talk on speaker because when I tried to keep the phone close to my ears my hands were shaking, so to hide it I sat down, turned on the speaker, and kept my phone on the bag that was on my lap. Thankfully my legs were not because that day shaking wasn’t so intense. I talked to them, and then I had to sign on a document there. I did it as fast as I could because as my hands were shaking I did not want to show it to them.

Now some incidents where I have controlled or managed to be at peace with my shaking:

At workplace when a person was shouting on me:

One day a lady came to my office and started shouting, really loud, in fact I could hear her shouting when she was coming and hadn’t even reached my floor. She asked me by my name, and started shouting for some mistake she thought I had made. I was with like 5-6 people who were my friends and coworkers, so I felt safe in that environment. I asked her what was up, and explained that it’s just some miscommunication and that the message she had received from someone else was wrong. We had to prove it to her by calling some seniors and assuring her that no mistake had been made. During this time, this lady was staring me really badly, with raging eyes. To just mess with her I wasn’t breaking my eye contact as well, and was smiling. I had some shakiness and hotness come over my face, but it wasn’t intense because I was with friends who could take my back. Seniors were at my side as well, and it was truly a miscommunication. It’s a helpful insight for me that I can handle myself when I am surrounded by people who I can rely on, in case things go bad.

Shaking doesn’t matter to me when I am playing sports:

I play cricket, and regularly find myself in the situation where I need to be the one to perform, and this puts me at pressure. I start shaking, and things get hot whether I am bowling or batting. I have been in really tight situations a lot of times, and for a long time I used to choke. I used to play wrong shots with my bat, or just don’t play as aggressively I should have. But as time passed I started seeing that other players start shaking as well, so I thought it’s alright if I get nervous, and I just accepted the fact that I start shaking in those situations. Now that didn’t stop me from getting nervous, but the fact that no one can see me shaking while playing cricket really helps. I can jump around whenever I want. Even when I am on batting stance I can move my body, so nobody ever knows how scared I am while standing there. Accepting the fact that I shake, and I have phrased it to “I get excited in tough situations” from “I get scared”. It has helped, because it’s like my feature now. I get excited to know that I can win from this. Ever since that happened I started to just let myself be while shaking. I am shaking, and that’s alright. I can’t stop it, but no one is able to see it. I use my brain to look at the field, predict the bowler, and play my shots. I have managed to play some pretty good knocks since I did it. I don’t always manage to make the comeback, sometimes I get out and it kinda stirs me up, makes my face all hot for a few minutes when I miss the opportunity, but I just accept that it’s part of the game. I tried my best, and I can’t win everyday. I try to look for the mistakes I made, and what I could have done differently, and then don’t dwell on it like I used to. Sometimes I have made some amazing comeback, and that feels really good. It feels really good to observe how I am feeling during those times. Shaking, feeling hot, and with last shot that wins the match a strong sensation comes in my body that just tells me it’s all over and we’ve won. My body comes back to normal.

When I went for my licence test:

So when I went for my bike licence test I had practiced so many times that it was natural for me to pass. It was an instict by that point. My mind actually went blank when my time came and I was driving, but even without thinking I did everything perfectly, and passed the test. Doing the same turns hundreds of time had helped me build an instict for it, so while I completely blanked out I still managed to come out better.

So that’s it. I tried my best to write how it makes me feel. I could write other examples as well, but I think it's all same. I really wanna be able to not get all shaky whenever I do something in front of someone. I want to be able to keep my head clear, don’t lose my breathing, and just do whatever I am doing normally. Any advice will be appreciated.

In this country therapists are only for the rich, so I don't have any access to one. Can you recommend any books or other resources on becoming stronger mentally, getting more shit done, and dealing with depression and trauma in a healthy way?

Don't worry, not looking for a pity party. Just give me the info and I'll get to reading alone.

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what I’m doing with my life right now.

I’m around 23 years old, from Hyderabad, India, and I feel like I’m stuck in the same place while everyone else is moving forward.

My life has become a repetitive cycle of working, worrying about money, thinking about my future, and feeling guilty about the time I’m wasting. I want to improve myself, build a career, prepare for government exams, and become financially stable, but I struggle to stay consistent.

I also have financial pressure and debts to deal with, which makes everything more stressful. Sometimes I feel like I have so many things to fix that I don’t even know where to start.

The worst part is that I keep thinking about the person I could become, but my daily habits don’t always match my goals. I waste time on my phone, overthink everything, and then regret not doing enough.

I don’t want to spend the next five years living like this. I want to develop useful skills, improve my health, manage my money properly, and make something meaningful out of my life.

For people who have been in a similar situation:

- How did you get your life back on track?

- How did you stop wasting time and become disciplined?

- Should I focus on my current job, government exam preparation, or learning a new skill first?

- How do you deal with the feeling that you’re falling behind in life?

I’m not looking for motivation like “everything will be fine.” I want practical advice from people who have actually struggled and made progress.

If you were in my position at 23, what would you do differently?

Thanks for reading.

For context, I'm generally not a very social person. As a result I think I just never realized how much of a dick I am sometimes.

But I've been working full time for the past year now and had to socialize more with clients and co-workers. During this period, I have noticed that interacting with me isn't the most pleasurable experience (atleast that is what it seems like to me. No one really tells me that but I can see it on people's faces).

I really want to improve myself and not be as condescending and critical to others. I don't think I'm a bad person and I would like my communication to not reflect poorly on me.

Any helpful advice for a bloke in his mid-late 20s who never learned basics of being a person?

Some back story, 23M over the past few years I have found it continuously harder to find enjoyment in the simple pleasures of life. I find myself constantly comparing myself to past versions of myself.

I think that I’ve had a somewhat interesting and successful life to date I have been living and traveling the world for the last two years by myself. I have been on the Dean’s list for my university for the past year. I have a solid, but small group of good friends. I just got a job at a startup, so on paper my life is quite good from the outside looking in and yet, I’ve never felt worse, I find myself ruminating constantly, talking myself down any chance I get and generally not letting myself enjoy things, I think this has turned me into a very unsure person, unsure of myself, unsure of what’s next, unsure of who I am.

I’ve dealt with bouts of this growing up as a young boy and also briefly in high school, but things got better. Now that I am in adulthood I find it hard harder to bounce back. I feel a lot of shame around this topic and I constantly find myself hustling to move onto the next adventure or project or relationship and never feeling satisfied. I would like to take control back of my life and not feel like I am at the mercy of my emotions and environment. Does anybody have any advice on dealing with this?

I think I might be a monster I’ve done horrible things. Things so bad that I couldn’t believe a human being let alone me has done them . I was an insane alcoholic and drug addict for a year straight, I was on every substance you could imagine .
I constantly blacked out because of my abuse. It turns out I did horrible things . I don’t know how I am going to make those things right. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of it, a lot of people who I care about are mad at me.
I’m clean now (from drugs but I still drink a little) I’m on medication . I feel since I’m on sober I can really reflect on how bad it all was and it’s not okay.
Even though I hate to play the victim because I know that I did disgusting things I still feel wronged. I still feel like people took advantage of my addiction; they knew I constantly had drugs so they always let me get drunk and give my drugs away. I feel like a tool. I wish I was given the decency of at least knowing what I did in the first place. I somewhat feel like I was owed an intervention because it really was that bad, I don’t know how they could let me do horrible things not only to others but also myself until it reached the point of no return. I was the biggest drug addict I’ve ever known in my life .
But yet I still have sympathy for those people I still love them as good friends because they also suffer from addiction and I know how horrible and hellish of an experience that is. We’ve all been horrible pieces of shit to each other and the guilt eats me up every day . I could never hate anybody I’m not sure anybody knew how bad it really I was having insane psychotic delusions, I was getting so fucking paranoid about everything, I tried to hide it from a lot of people the only things I cared about were drugs and alcohol . I became a person completely unrecognizable to me and I don’t ever know how I’m going to prove to my friends and the world that I’m no longer that person . I don’t know how I’m going to prove to myself that I will never become that person again. I don’t even know how it’s possible I’ve done these horrible things, I can’t even remember the actions that made everybody think I’m this huge fucking villain

I do next to nothing everyday, i usually just sit infront of a computer doing nothing but waste time and im sick of this mundane routine but im unsure how to change when im depressed. I feel i blame unrelated things for my daily problems. Im a 20 year old with autism, people tell me to get a job but parents dont want me to nor do i want to go against what they say, i feel i need to work on my lifestyle before going out and do something such as a job?

Im bored all the time and im lost on how to change or fix my life because i give up to easily because i get depressed. I could use some form of advice if possible.

As the title sayz, I am 20F. Feel stuck burdened by the things I have to deal with and finding so many possibilities and endless outcomes of them due to overthinking which overwhelm me to such an extent that I procrastinate and then hate myself.

I used to be carefree but now i overthink abt every little thing TOO MUCH and end up doing nothing. I moved away from my loved ones so maybe that's a huge factor but seeing my old pictures I can literally feel that the spark is lost.... homesickness never got better even after 14 months of leaving home and I can't visit them till I get financially better etc.

One of the reasons I left home was to be free. I am free now from the last 14 months but I feel stuck, stuck in the past too; missing my loved ones... 💔 I am an HSP so its too much.

So, how to deal with this chapter of my life? How do I live my life? The adulthood? The uncertainty? The overthinking? The anxiety?

I know I am wasting away my life right now, i used to be productive but idk what happened.
Thanks.

This is really hitting me hard. I lose my shit whenever I see people doing way better than I am who are complaining about being “losers”. Depression has destroyed my life. I’m exhausted ALL the time and dread waking up. I gave up on my appearance pretty much entirely and I look like shit. I gave up on having friends or any sort of romantic life. I’m not smart enough to do what I want to do and I fucked up all of my school years. Like I was a royal fuck up for all of high school and all of university. My parents spent thousands of dollars on a completely useless degree and I wasted all of it. I’m financially dependent, no drivers license, unemployed and ab to graduate with a useless degree bc I majored in the wrong field. I like science a lot and I want to be a scientist (specifically neuroscience) but that just seems like a pipe dream at this point with my BA In psychology that I hated doing so my grades are dismal bc I just could not get myself to take anything in.

I really do want to have hope that things will w work out. I just want a career I’m proud of and interested in. I gave up on everything else. But now I’m graduating my stupid useless program and have no idea what I’m gonna do. Depression makes it damn near impossible for me to get out of bed. I’ve talked to so many doctors and therapists and nothing has ever helped at all. Job market sucks. I hate being financially dependent at 23 I can’t stand the fact that I’m such a massive loser and every time I try to mobilize myself I just become exhausted and reminded of how stupid and incompetent I am. Genuinely nothing makes me happy anymore. My birthday was 2 days ago and I’ve been feeling like a zombie I just cannot fucking do this anymore I hate myself so much and I hate my life

I have so much social anxiety, I hide too much from others socially. I get lost in my own head. I feel like I'm unapproachable and others avoid me. I'm socially awkward. I want to make others happy and have something to give them. I want to make people feel better. But I'm so trapped in my social anxiety, I want to make friends and I want to enhance all the relationships with my loved ones. How can I go about this? What can I do to overcome my social anxiety and make people feel good?

I don't care how I look honestly. I wear whatever is easiest, cheapest, and most comfortable. Sometimes when I dress up well, I get a lot of unwanted attention and it makes me feel weird. I would rather be comfortable, and left alone. However, I also end up looking like a slob. most of the time

I don't brush my hair consistently, I don't wear matching clothes, I don't wear makeup, I wear the same old sneakers for every occasion out of convenience (I get foot pain, and also sometimes feel lazy and don't want to change shoes after work for when I go to exercise.)

But this is messing with my life. Although I am not in a career where appearance matters much, I think it still affects my ability to be taken seriously in a professional world. As a young woman in a career dominated by older men, I already feel like people don't take me serious, so dressing like a slob probably doesn't help.

When I have dated, people don't want to bring me around their friends or family. I get told my sneakers are ugly, my clothes have holes, I get asked "are you really gonna wear that?" Everybody always asks me if I have something better to wear for ____ occasion, but I never do. All my clothes are the same.

But why should I spend my hard earned money on nice clothes that feel uncomfortable, when the old stuff is working fine? Why should I look nice when all that causes is uncomfortable encounters with weird people in the street? II understand dressing appropriately for a wedding, or serious event, but I don't see the appeal in changing my day to day. I have been told more than a few times that I "could be pretty if I just cleaned up more" but I never saw the point in doing that.

I'm realizing that it's holding me back at last. Holding me back professionally, interpersonally, and I need to do better. The problem is that I don't even know where to start. I don't even know how to put an outfit together. I don't know how to take care of clothes properly so that they don't get frayed and they don't get holes. Whenever I have bought new clothes, they just seem to look old quickly anyways. I don't know how to style my hair. I don't know how to do makeup. I don't know if I should get rid of clothes that I have had for 15 years, stuff that might look old but at least still fits comfortably?

I did a preemptive closet clean and got rid of some stuff. I got a new pair of "professional" shoes to see if I like them. I sewed up some of my old shirts that had holes. I still feel lost. I'm looking into "capsule wardrobes," it still feels to advanced for me. I'm trying. Anyone been through similar or have advice?