“This is Alexa.”

The friend said, "why don't you just give him head and shoulders? The blonde said, "how do I give shoulders?"

The doctor thinks for a moment. "Come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

Next week the man shows up with a banana and a cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over the table."

The doctor shoves the banana up his ass. Two minutes later, he shoves the cookie up there too. "Same thing next week."

This goes on for three weeks. Banana, cookie. Banana, cookie. Banana, cookie.

On week four the doctor says, "Final treatment. Bring a banana and a hammer."

The man shows up shaking. He bends over. The doctor shoves the banana in... and waits... and waits...

Finally the tapeworm pokes its head out and yells, "WHERE'S MY COOKIE?"

And the doctor smashes it with the hammer.

She leaned closer and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

"No, I'm a dentist."

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely,

Your service provider.

His salad plate,coffee mug and main course plate are all dirty. Some small bits here and there. Each time he brought it the waitress attention.
“That’s the best cold water can do.”
He thinks they have a water tank issue. It’s the weekend. No plumbers out here.

As he pays his check ; he hears a callout
“Cold water ! Come here boy!”
And a small dog appears

They think therefore they arrrrrr.

"But there's no way I'm gonna let some drunken weirdo tell ME what to do!"

They always have Mor-Men than they should!

They don't care as long as it gets them/their

We've only just begun.

What classic Italian dish is a favorite of Halloween spooks, spectres, and spirits?

Chickened Afraido

and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking.”

His buddy asks, "How did it work out?"

And the British bloke says, "He drove me bananas."

When I drove past a petrol station and I saw a sheep standing by the pumps.

I kept driving and everytime I drove past a petrol station I noticed there were more and more sheep.

I finally pulled into one and approached the sheep, asking them what they're doing.

One sheep replied, "We're being fleeced at the pump".

"Lesson one: in this job, you can't be squeamish."
He pulls off his glove, shoves a finger up the dead man's ass, pulls it out and sticks it in his mouth.
"Your turn."
The students go pale, but one by one they line up. Each one shoves a finger up the corpse's ass, knuckle deep, then puts it in their mouth.
When the last one finishes gagging, the instructor says, "Lesson two: attention to detail. I put my middle finger in. I sucked my index finger."
Half the class throws up.
He picks up his briefcase. "Lesson three: I don't work here."
Then the corpse opens his eyes and grins. "Lesson four: I'm not dead."

She told me I have great eyesight.

I've never dated herbivore.

Three women were in the ladies' changing room at their posh country club. Suddenly a man wearing a ski mask and his dick sticking out his open fly dashed in, did a helicopter in front of them, and then dashed out.

Woman 1: "I wonder if that flasher was my husband?"

Woman 2: "It was definitely not your husband."

Woman 3: "In fact, I'm certain he is not a member of this club."

when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”

Now I can’t get my hair to lay down.