A lot of people love to say that they're supportive of autistic people and that they don't judge us for the unusual things that we think, say, or do. People love to act supportive. But as soon as I mention issues with hygeine, or sex, or having taboo special interests, even in autism-friendly places like this subreddit, I get criticized, downvoted, reported, etc. for sharing my experience. And it's very frustrating because like every disability, autism has a side that's hidden from view that can make people feel isolated, or like they're wrong for feeling the way they do.

I just wish that people weren't so quick to demonize everything they personally don't understand.

I wrote this post to highlight how autism is such a debilitating disability that it takes being rich just to make the condition livable. I’m also curious how others are coping with autism, so please leave a comment.

Wealth doesn’t fix the crippling social awkwardness, anxiety, or exhaustion, but it does the following:

• Dating locally was nearly impossible for me as an autistic man, so I paid for a foreign dating service where I met my Philippine wife. She’s my rock and I can’t imagine my life without her.
• I work in a machine shop 10 hours a day not because I have to but because I want to. I can’t imagine the stress of being forced to work or facing homelessness.
• I have 2x doggos who make my every day 10x better. I can’t imagine my life if I couldn’t afford these expensive brats.
• I went through a period in my 20s struggling with executive dysfunction, which I treated with psychedelic treatments. I’d probably be dead (suicide) if I couldn’t afford those treatments.
• Going on trips and out on the town with my wife helps me clear my head and get unstuck mentally. I can’t imagine my life if I couldn’t afford to get out.
• I visit her family and my family regularly, which helps keep everyone close. I can’t imagine my life if I couldn’t afford to visit family.
• Having my wife in my life gives me the energy and motivation to cook, clean, do laundry, do the dishes, get groceries, and other chores. My life was absolutely miserable lacking energy before I met her. 

How are you dealing with autism? How do you fill your time? How do you avoid feeling stuck in a life situation you can’t get out of? Leave a comment.

Anytime ive told someone " oh i have autism " they go " you dont look autistic " What the fuck does being autistic look like

I have a long lasting special interest, that really behaves more like a hyperfixation (I am completely obsessed with it, I only want to talk about it and work with it) but it is some that is not just taboo, but also unknown of. I wish I was into dinosaurs or trains or a cringe cartoon or something.. but instead my special interest is the rape and sexual harassment of German soldiers under WWII(1939 - 1935). I wish I was kidding. I can’t even speak with it to a historian, because even a historian won’t know of it. That is how bad it is. But I only want to engage with it SO BADLY and despite having the interest since 2015 it’s not going away and it doesn’t regulate me at all, it just makes me crazy because I can’t talk about it.

I'm extremely awkward on camera to the point where I look stoned to the bone in my driver's license picture and it's been that way for about 8 years now. I wonder if this is a common issue amongst other autistic folk?

Idk if anybody else has noticed this on tiktok especially, but the misuse of terms like “vocal stim” and “overstimulated” and “non verbal” are really starting to be damaging to the autistic community. when i say “misuse” i mean when people who are not autistic use these terms, when they really mean “funny meme i say all the time”, “overwhelmed” and “asocial”.

Obviously it’s nice to have these terms be less “unheard of” by the general population, but i’ve noticed it’s stopping people taking me seriously. like if i say i’m overstimulated, it carries so much less weight because everyone says it. when i say it, i do not mean i’m a bit overwhelmed, i mean i’m in literal pain and distress by the amount of noise/stimulus and need to leave immediately.

this is especially hard as a high masking young woman, i’m told enough that i don’t “look autistic”, so the fact that even when i use clinical terms i’m still not taken seriously is so frustrating.

not to mention the people who self diagnose because they relate to 1 or 2 things they saw on tiktok of someone misusing autistic terms. autism is a disability and should be taken equally as seriously, it’s so frustrating.

also the phrase “everyone’s on the spectrum somewhere” makes me so annoyed because the autistic spectrum is comprised of entirely autistic people. you have to be autistic to even be on the spectrum! it refers to the spectrum of how autism is expressed in individuals diagnosed with the disorder!

does anyone else find these things really frustrating too?

Like I can’t love pink the normal amount. Everything I have has to be pink (with few exceptions). My bedroom walls are pink. My three rotation outfits are pink. My hair is going to be pink. My bedding, my favourite bag, my headphones, my pyjamas, all pink. And I get really upset when someone likes a different colour. Please tell me I’m not alone.

I am just curious if its related to my Autism and if anyone else who is Autistic experiences the same thing? I absolutely can't stand the song Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter. When it is being played I have to leave the room.

Trigger Warning: Harmful Stimming

When it is quiet the tune comes into my head and irritates me so much that I want to hit myself in the head to get it out. I am just wondering if this is a me thing or if anyone else experiences this with any music or songs?

I just want to preface this by saying that I am diagnosed with AuDHD too, so I am not asking this from an outside perspective. I am looking for advice how to handle this situation.

my spouse and I (both in our 30ies) have agreed to let a family member (25m, diagnosed autistic) stay with us for a couple of months while he is taking classes to work in business administration. The reason he is staying with us is the financial situation as well as the fact that staying with strangers would be very stressful for him.

Since we knew that chores would be a huge problem, we agreed that his mom would visit every 2-3 weeks to make sure his room and belongings are in order. But it was very clear that he would need to clean after himself on a day to day basis, something he previously had to do when he was still at home. We also agreed that he would get a scheduled made by me with some small chores around the house like buying cat food or watering plants.

He very often doesn’t do either. He doesn’t clean after himself nor does the chores. I could overlook the chores, but I can’t clean after him. Keeping our space tidy and clean already requires a lot out of me and my spouse.

The thing that is mostly infuriating to me is his response when asked to do something or when being confronted: “You know I need to study a lot/am tired/get almost zero video game time, you could support me by doing it for me!”, “you are perfectly aware that (chore XYZ) is a sensory nightmare, show some empathy and do it for me!” or the classic: “you could just do it, it would take you less time than arguing with me!”.

When I talked to his mom, she just suggested that she comes in more frequently to help him. I don’t think this solves the day to day problems though. We are asking about piles of dishes, hair dye mess in bathroom etc. His mom thinks it is just a sign of how overwhelming and stressful everything is for him. I do agree that being autistic is a factor that makes things harder for him. but I also think his responses are (even if not intentionally) manipulative and it could become a habit for him to make other feel guilty for not doing everything for him.

I obviously don’t want to throw him out before having tried to solve this situation, but I am also not willing as an autistic woman to take a mother role for him. for my own sake as well as for his, his goal is to life alone from next June on.

As an autistic , I've noticed a recurring pattern in my friendships. Somehow, I keep ending up in friendships with people who, over time, turn out to have unhealthy or manipulative behaviors.

They're usually the ones who approach me first, and although they seem to be neurotypical and don't appear to have any social difficulties, I've sometimes noticed that they struggle to form friendships with others. At first, I don't really understand why.

I wonder if part of the reason is that I don't always pick up on subtle social cues or behaviors that might make others uncomfortable around them, such as frequently speaking negatively about other people or not respecting personal boundaries.

It often takes me a long time to realize that a friendship has become one-sided, manipulative, or emotionally draining. Looking back, I can sometimes recognize warning signs that I didn't notice at the time.

I'm curious whether other autistic ppl have had similar experiences. Do you also find it difficult to recognize unhealthy friendship dynamics until much later?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone else had the same experience than me. When I was young, up until my young adult years, I only wore very plain clothes, always black, and I refused to wear anything "cute". I was terrified of being seen as ridiculous or being told that I shouldn't wear a certain color, or that a certain cute accessory like a keychain, pin, plushies.. was inappropriate, and that I was stupid and so on. Now in my thirties it's the complete opposite: I can't stand black anymore, it makes me feel sad, and I'm drawn to all kinds of "cute" accessories.

Hello!! I'm so, so happy!! After 16 years of living in fear and social anxiety, I finally made my first friend!

We seem to have quite a bit in common; for example, we share a passion for crocheting, we both like David Tennant and cartoons (like Bojack Horseman and Steven Universe).

He's transgender like me, and he made me feel so understood!

I met him at a birthday party my sister had invited me to and we talked for hours and had a great time!

I feel more confident in myself and that there is hope now that I met him. I hope I can maintain my friendship with him because he's awesome!

If anyone has any advice on how to maintain friendships, I'd love to hear it!

Sorry to write this here but I'm going crazy with joy and I wanted to share this milestone with someone! :D

Please read the post I'm not trying to start fights or be political, I'm genuinely asking.

Is anyone else not able to easily distinguish peoples races without context clues? I don't mean this in an "I don't see color way" I mean I'm genuinely stupid and can't tell people apart. Most of the time I'm either able to see it to a degree or use context clues but often I just can't tell or get it wrong.

Some example:

In the Arcane show Caitlyn Kiramman is Asian and she's a part of a rich noble family. The nobility imagery made me think of rich Europeans so I assumed she was white.

In the movie dust bunny mads mikkelsen's character (I can't remember actors either so I didn't know who this guy was before watching) is first seen fighting a Chinese dragon, so through context clues I assumed he was Asian/Chinese.

In real life I was talking with this lady about her dog and she told me his name and also told me it was a Vietnamese name, I assumed she must be Vietnamese also, she was not.

I'm not sure if it's because I don't look at people’s faces so I don't know what different races are meant to look like? Or I'm bad at facial features in general. I also have the same issue with people's gender, but voices I can more reliably tell, same with age. I feel like it's probably due to autism.

Edit: I've heard about the cross-race effect, but this isn't that, I also confuse people of my own race.

This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write, and I’m really struggling.

I’ve always known I was ‘different’ and it’s thrown so many life challenges and more so failures. After failure and failure at life I turned to alcoholism for self medication which ultimately turned into numerous detox, rehab and intensive care visits.

In my last rehab I finally got a counsellor who had a best friend who was autistic, and he was like ‘he’s exactly like you’. So after 2 years on a waiting list on the NHS i got my appointment about 3 months ago and got diagnosed with autism. To me this made sense, but on the flip side has me so confused about who I am, who i was and who is responsible for my failures.

I was 2 1/2 years sober and relapsed about 2 weeks ago. Fortunately I’m over it, but I think it was my lashing out at the Alcoholics Anonymous cult of which I was indoctrinated to and wanted to leave.

I don’t know what answers I’m looking for on here. I think I just wanted to vent. Im just a very confused individual

Disclaimer: this is for educational purposes only I wish all of the individuals in this community the best of love and care and I am actively working to change this way of thinking I am simply looking for advice and guidance from the community thank you in advance for all of your help!

I’ve always felt this way even before I was officially diagnosed with ASD, anytime I see anyone who’s visibly autistic I get this deep sense of extreme discomfort to the point where I quickly and quietly leave, I don’t see neurodivergent individuals as less than I believe they deserve care and respect just like anyone else, it’s just like I said I feel so uncomfortable connecting with neurodivergent individuals.

I am masked 100 percent of the time and don’t wish to associate myself with anything neurodivergent I force myself to push through sensory issues and I don’t “stim” anytime I catch myself fidgeting or feeling anything other than nothing I stop I’ve always been described as “too much” or “ not focused enough”

It took me a lot of courage to make this post I am tired of feeling like this.

I barely know how to take care of myself outside of the basics, I can’t do my hair nor makeup besides eyeshadow and I feel like such an outcast especially since everyone looks so well put together. I really hope someone can relate

so: picture this, and this is entirely hypothetical as parts of it are true but it hasn’t happened yet and i am just ruminating over how it would go.

you are in college. you have to miss class to get a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy done. you return to class. a student asks: “where have you been?”.

you are intentionally vague: “i had to get a procedure done”… but your peer follows up. “what kind of procedure?”

now, you personally wouldn’t mind sharing this information, but you are aware that it would be potentially socially inappropriate to answer. say, the room is quiet (its a small room), and other people could listen in. but they are the one who asked.

i have been in situations like this and i often end up feeling trapped, like there is no way to answer.

would you:

a) give it to them straight. now you’ve let them (whatever) and also uninvolved audiences know that you just spent a day pooping & theres something wrong with your tummy & they stuck a camera up your butt. see, i know the clear answer is not this in say, a restaurant, but it feels more nuanced of a situation.

b) evade the question. “i don’t feel comfortable sharing” “it wouldn’t be appropriate to say” “i’ll tell you later” - all of these making the situation awkward, in my opinion, and also not actually evading it at all, because how many secretive procedures are there? people are thinking the worst and you’ve not helped, you just seem shifty here. and god forbid the other person prods, then it gets really weird. gosh, you’re weird for evading it in the first place, or thats how it feels?

c) some secret third thing??

i always feel backed into a corner when people ask questions like this and i’d love to find a response that doesn’t make me seem like i have no social etiquette or like i’m making a big deal of nothing.

this is the autistic mind i guess e_e

edit: maybe the secret third answer is “you shouldn’t ask questions like that”. - if they committed the social faux pas and not me, i should not be the one feeling embarrassed !!

I feel like autism makes me physically incapable of understanding flirting and it honestly makes me feel really bad. Like a lot of autistic people, I have a lot of trouble with social cues but I feel like it gets way worse with anything romantic.

My previous relationships all started with someone I had a crush on telling me they've been trying for months to make me understand that they're interested in me. One time, a woman tried to flirt with me in a bar for hours and I only understood it when she told me very directly what she was doing - I thought she was just really nice. I've had multiple friends tell me that they had something for me at some point but just gave up with how dense I was, thinking I just wasn't interested. I just don't know what to do.

The thing is, I feel very lonely and would love to form romantic connections, even casual ones, but I just can't seem to get it. It gets worse when I get a crush on someone, because I just don't know if anything that I might perceive as flirting might just come from wishful thinking on my part. Last week, I went out with people and a guy I like spent the night being really nice and touchy with me, which could just be because he's really friendly, and it makes me physically sick to think about it.

Does anyone here experience this, and has ways to deal with it, learn how to recognize it, or at least cope with the anxiety that comes with it ?

I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with burnout currently. I basically have 0 energy for social interaction and as a result I’ve ghosted my friend group for around 3 months at this point. I know them irl but I’d say 90% of our contact is through a discord call

I’ve had some texts with a couple of them but nothing substantial. Mostly them asking if I want to play a new game which I usually reply with something to avoid playing with them. But recently one of them has texted me with something confrontational along the lines of “so you’re just done talking to your friends now?”

The problem is honestly I feel like I might not want to talk to them again. I was having thoughts of cutting them off before this due to me understanding my autism more which they aren’t the most accepting of and at the same time growing apart from them. I suppose they can be a bit immature and I feel like I’ve grown from that. But at the same time they’re the only friends I’ve ever really made and I’ve known some of them for almost 10 years. So if I were to stop talking to them fully then I’d essentially have no friends at all

I feel like I’m being completely unreasonable here. I feel like I should be doing more to compromise and just push through the uncomfortable chat if need to have with them to explain my end. I also just feel like I have nothing to say to them conversation wise. If I were to join the call with them I’d likely just want to be quiet since my mind would be blank for the most part.

I’m not even completely sure what I’m asking here but I suppose I’d love if someone could offer some perspective or if they’ve dealt with a similar situation. (This is horribly written sorry the thoughts are a bit scrambled)

My room is a mess, there's mountains of clothes piling up on my floor. When one pile gets too big, another pile forms. My desk is constantly closing up on me as I put more and more stuff on it and leave it there. The floor has gathered all types of gross dust and dirt. There's old dishes that I don't even want to look at. I try to clean things up here and there but it's like 1 step forward 2 steps back.

I am disgusted by myself I don't even know how I can live like this. And I don't know why I can't clean it. It just gets worse and worse. I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF. What do I do?? How do I fix it??

for younger people or newly diagnosed

there are people out there who will try to downplay your experience as an Autistic person. they will say your not that Autistic or that because your ”more capable” of functioning in society then your somehow less Autistic then others.

if your in a situation like that just know this one thing

no matter how much milk you put in Coffee, it’s still coffee.

your identity as an Autistic person is completely valid in every single way and don’t let someone tell you that what your feeling or experiencing is wrong

I kinda just, I had today an interview, for context I have been sex trafficked so I have not been able to work for a long time, and I was finally ready to, I was excited at the idea to work even and be able to reintegrate to society, and I woke up early I did everything right, but then I decided I would go there by bike, through one of those uber bikes, it was going great until without warning it stopped cause it was no ride zone apparently, and it took me 15 minutes to get out of it and I kept trying to park the stupid bike and I couldn’t 😭 and then I arrived at 10:01 to the interview instead of 10:00 and the manager said “here it’s frowned upon to be late, I send my workers home when they are, we’ll have to reschedule you” and on the way back just overwhelmed I couldn’t stop crying and hitting my head and I am waiting for a mobile crisis team right now and I hate it.. I hate it I hate it I hate it 😭 i was ready today, I was able to today, I did everything right and it all amounted to nothing, I wasted money on the stupid bike thing and the fact I ended up needing to take a Lyft to be there on time only for it to mean nothing, and then needed one on the way back because I wouldn’t stop crying and I just wanted to make everyone proud 😭 I wanted to make everyone proud of the fact I’m doing my best but all amounts to nothing and I hate it 😭😭 I’m sorry for being such a failure.. I feel even more stressed cause, well part of getting a job was the money issues I have, I made a gofundme and I have received some and I feel that when I fail when I waste money I’m insulting the people who helped me… I feel so stupid I’m a bad girl I’m sorry I’m sorry… why can’t I stop melting down I’m sorry..