I do think im pretty but sometimes it just hits hard. Need tips!

im not confident.

i cant make eye contact with people, i feel this unleashing glimmer being shot out onto me when i lift my eyes up to meet theirs, i feel naked and gross and monsterous.

i cant walk right, walking, i second guess it, i change my posture, arm movement, leg movement every second. i look jittery as fuck.

i cant talk right, i pause briskly, i sometimes yell by accident, i whisper by accident, my voice turns unlike my own, i dont even recognise who i am around anyone. not even by myself.

i cant win, whenever i am placed in a position where i may potentially win something, i retreat harder than heaven, exam wise, mock wise, silly competition wise, quiz wise. anything wise.

the spotlight makes me feel dizzy, eyes looking upon me, even if they are supportive, i feel sick.

smiling makes me feel weird too. showing any type of emotion, weird.

jesus christ. and this happens almost every other day. one day i can do it all! all of it all. then the next? point nemo. i need some tips, please. because this is too often for it to not be a concern anymore.

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For 10 yrs I've been feeling low in life to a point even my personality has changed. Majority of people say become strong and get your life together. Stop being soft and slow. And I don't know why I let such things like failure, shame,fears and social anxiety keep me stagnant.

Deep down I know nothing will change unless I make the changes. Whether it's toughning out , making the hard choices and simply being determined and consistent with it. But I still don't understand what is holding me back. What is the road block. Is it my old pattern and routine. Is it lack of self belief and confidence. Am I avoiding hard work and failures. Am I avoiding stress that comes.

I've been isolated sm in my life. I try to make an actual connection, but its so hard. I'm in uni, and its as if everyone has their own people. The reason I'm writing under this post is cuz I wanna know how u guys do it and actually make friends? I try to connect and I feel so iced out. And how do people msg each other. I've tried to msg severalll people, but they're all so dry. I try follow up qs, or random stuff, but absolutely nothing. the thing I wanna make meaningful connections with girls, but why is it so much harder to talk and connect w them, like genuinely feels like its so easy to make male friends rather than girls. Can someone genuinely explain what I need to do? How I should connect w people?

I am struggling with self esteem. I wonder if there are ways of becoming more confident when I loath myself easily and I think people find me weird. I always think that people see me in a negative way because of what I said or this and that. And it is not helping that I failed to make friends. So...is there anything I can do about this...? I often think that in order to not live with this feeling , it is better to not seek human connection and to be utterly silent. Because showing opinions and such makes people have more access to things to judge you for and hence to protect myself from such judgement I always find being quiet is the best policy.